Under the light of the moon, dark magic was afoot.

Ahoof. Dark magic was ahoof.

With a rumble and a growl, a pair of glowing eyes emerged from the shadows themselves, congealing in the darkness and molding itself together. The corrupted red horn of King Sombra burst out from the shade, followed by maniacal laughter. Those fools thought that it would be a simple task to dispose of the might King Sombra, did they? Nopony could dispose of him!

“At long last...” the unicorn cackled wickedly. “Vengeance shall be mine! I live! All shall fear the eternal reign of King So-”

Sombra was rather rudely interrupted by a burst of green light, swiftly followed by a whistling projectile. Suddenly finding it very difficult to continue monologuing, as he had spent years practicing, he angrily yanked the rolled up parchment out of his mouth. Nopony seemed to be around in the clearing he had awoken in. It was a mystery as to how the roll of parchment had even found him at all.

Even more surprising, it was directly addressed to him, specifically.

His curiosity getting the best of him, he discovered that it read as follows.

Dearest Sombrero,

This should find you if you ever decide to show your ugly ass mug again. No, Spike, I know what his name is. I jus' refuse to show that fucker any respect. No, don't write that.

Listen up, you one dimensional ball gargling ass bag; if you ever pop up in Equestria again, I will personally wreck your ass harder than Cadance does my brother's on a weekly basis, except I won't use lube or record it!

Uh, actually, Spike, don't write that. Start over.

Dearest Sombino – Somben- Somberererero,

Er, er er er er ero. Sombrero. Sombrrrrrrero. Holy fuck, I'm drunk. Start over, Spike.

Dearest Sombrero,

I actually have a few questions. So, what are you, like, some kind of meth addict? That's what all the bullshit about 'crystals' was, right? Because I know what you're talking about, I know where to get some good shit-

Actually, don't write that, Spike. Just erase it.

Yes, I know quills don't have erasers! Just start over!

Dearest Sombrero,

'the fuck is up with your head? I mean, seriously, that is the worst looking horn I've ever seen! For fuck's sake, go see a doctor and get that shit checked out! And make sure to tell your past partners to get themselves checked as well. Have you ever even heard of protection?

Don't get the wrong idea, I wouldn't bang your wrinkly old ass even if you did. I'm not that drunk yet. Shut up, Spike! I do too have standards! Y'know what? Just-just start over! Yes, again!

Sombrero Dearest,

Go ahead, come on back if you ever wanna try taking over again. My little friend 'the Rotator' here is just begging to get some use. Tell you what, come on and bring some of that fine crystal shit back to my place, we'll get fucked up and bring it to Fluttershy's place, have us a party with some bears – actually, never mind, forget I ever said that, Spike. No, you don't need to know. What? No, I haven't been stealing your gems and snorting them, where would you even get that idea? You know what? Just start over!

Yes, again!

Dearest Sombra,

If you ever come back I will personally fuck you to death.

Sincerely,

Everypony That Whipped Your Flank Without Even Trying, Bitch

“... Aw, hell no.”

And with that, King Sombra clenched his teeth and started off toward Ponyville.