A/N: Yep, here's chapter three. In that time, I could have updated Vinyl Crosses Abbey Road. Don't you pony people worry, though, I will get around to that. I have the idea, I just need to write it. In any world, here's the third chapter. I bet you anything this'll get me three more dislikes...

"Hello? Anypony home? I was told to come here for plot convenience!" Applejack knocked on Twilight's door again 'cause she forgot her ask. "And what's with all that heavy breathing? Are you cosplaying again? We talked about this!"

"YES! WAIT, NO! I'M DOING SOMETHING ELSE! I DIDN'T JUST GET BUCKED! LEAVE MY PRESENCE!" Twilight's erratic shouting response caught Applejack so off-guard, she landed in a trash can.

"I've never entered your presence. You sure you're- hey, a receipt for Rarity."

"YOU STOOD AT MY DOOR! THAT COUNTS! GO!"

And Applejack got out of said trash can, with only slight difficulty, and started to walk off.

"Normally I'd say that was weird, but it's Twilight. That's as normal as anything in PonyVille. But am I am a tad curious. Why the heavy breathing? Could she have... NAH! That'd be in a stupid clopfic! And, goodness, I'm starting to sound like her, muttering to myself and all. Wait, I'm talking out loud." Applejack looked around and saw that some ponies were looking at her, probably cause of the magnet she was holding and the metal plates in their heads.

"Why are you-"

"Shut up, Nyx! Anyways, moving on with my life, I should go see Fluttershy. Surely she can't be occupied with anything!"

And now for the street report and weather with NyxLight: It was a little busy on mane street. Only one homicide happened and, for once, it wasn't Screwball's fault. Despite the numerous questionnaires, Applejack still managed to get to Fluttershy in under an entire chapter. And the weather was quite relaxing, albeit a few random advertisements. And that's the weather/street report. Back to you, That Gamer!

Thank you. Anyways, arriving at Fluttershy's place, it was surprisingly quiet. On a regular day, animals would be hopping around and protesters would be trying to barge down Fluttershy's door. Even the shed Fluttershy had torn down a month ago was silent.

"Fluttershy? I need to ask you about something I can do myself!" She (Applejack) warped over to the door and started to knock on it loudly. Fluttershy answered promptly, with a rifle in hoof.

"Without staying in the same paragraph for too long, have you seen Rarity? I mean, again, I can do it myself, but, y'know. She was supposed to help me peel a fa- What the bucking hay happened to you?"

"What do you mean? She's in love with me and I feel fine!"

"Who's in love with you? Is that why you have Oreo filling all over you?"

"'She'? I didn't say 'she'! I said... Uh..."

"There's no way out of it. Why do you also look... Winded? And what IS with that white stuff?"

"Oh, that! I had to, um, separate two fighting animals!"

"Your animals fight? They don't normally fight. Sure, they tear each other limb from limb and devour each other, but fighting? That's kind of out of the ordinary! Everything's odd today, I just realized that."

"Hey, my animals can fight! I-I mean, I don't allow it, why would I, but they were really going at it!"

"Well, I apologize. So, have you seen-"

"Really going at it!"

"Yeah, you already said that. Have you seen-"

"Really. Like, for hours and hours and hours."

"Fascinating. Have you seen-"

"In every way possible! It was amazing, really!"

"I get it! Have you seen-"

"Every piece of furniture in my house is destroyed! I've never seen power like that before!"

"For the love of Celestia, have you seen-"

"A-And then I got the cameras out and the chains and the whips and the spaghetti!"

"What do you do on Saturday nights?! And where's-"

"AND THEN SHE BUCKED MY-"

"WHERE THE BUCK IS RARITY!?"

Fluttershy snapped out of whatever state she was in a looked at Applejack. Apparently, the door had somehow been shut, Fluttershy was sitting against it and... You know. Flowers. Realzing all this, Fluttershy looked to the left in dramatic confusion. Applejack looked as well. All she saw were walls of text.

"Well, that sounds... Um.. There goes my brain. Right out ear. Looks like sauce. In fact, you got any jars? I think I could use- Supposed to be finding Rarity! Right... Have you-"

Ignoring her objective once again, on purpose this time, and instead focused on the intense breathing coming from the upstairs. That's right! Applejack has super hearing! "Fluttershy, are you hiding something from me?"

"Are you crazy? I-I'd never hide something from any of my friends. Especially you Applejack! Seeing as how hon.. Hone... Hone... Sorry, I can't say that with a straight face."

"Yeah, that joke isn't as old as Granny Smith. Now, are you sure there's nothing up there? Really sure? As in animals-fighting-with-spaghetti-and-cameras-for-hours sure?"

"Yeah, it's just Angel, I think... I dunno."

"You don't know?! It sounds like he's dying and you never checked on him?! And I thought Spike was bad!"

"He still exists?"

"I think."

"OK then. Look, you just don't need to go up there. I don't think you were planning to in the first place, but, just taking precautions..."

That earned Fluttershy a glare from Applejack. But it was only a poser stare. During that time, Applejack tried to think of legit reason why she wouldn't believe Fluttershy, but she already had her mind melted once and having it melt twice at the same time was impossible.

"I had no intent on watching Angel in the first place... And if you honestly think I did, yeah, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright. As I tried to say a dozen times before, I WAS trying to find Rarity, 'cause she said she'd help me with something, but I now feel like strangling a puppy. Thank you. Just out of curiosity, do you know where she is?"

"I think she was headed for the mayor's place."

"Does she hate the bl- I don't care." AJ, 'cause we're using abbreviations now for no reason, turned to leave and fell over. Turning on one heel is quite a pain for the equine.

"Oh, Applejack, if you don't-"

"I don't care, Fluttershy! I already know how much she hates the blind!"

"No, it's not that. Just... Just tell Rarity... Tell her I'm still thinking about her."

"Why? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Um... Um... Uh... Oh... Oh my Grambi! Somepony just shot Applebloom underneath Rainbow's place!"

"Ah! She's already dead, so it doesn't matter, but I'm still concerned!"

Applejack went off in a dash (git it?) and Fluttershy slammed her door shut, thanking herself mentally for bringing that rifle with her.

Fluttershy quickly threw her rifle on the smashed particles of what used to be her couch, got herself a drink of water from a trashed fridge, put said drink in a ruined cup, drank what used to be drinkable to pony-kind, put the glass in the melted sink and went up the nonexistent stairs to Chrysalis, who was inspecting a photo she found in Fluttershy's closet and clopping like nopony's business (but, somewhere, it is).

"Sorry for the interruption... It was just some pointless filler meant to funny. Well, at least here anyways... I'm really sorry."

"I'd prefer to ask why you're friend thinks I sound like a dying animal, but whatever. Can I have another hammer?"

"You don't need to ask."

"Good, you don't want it back." Chrysalis summoned another headless hammer from out of nowhere, causing Fluttershy to want to bite her lower lip, but she couldn't bend down that far. So she bit her lower lip as she watched the changeling... Well, Fluttershy doesn't know what to call it, but I do! She... She... Hello, this is the new author. The other one got a brain tumour. Anyways, Chrysalis stuck another hammer in herself, which would hurt if you really wanted to think too much about it, and it just looked odd. Then again, what hasn't been so far? Applejack's oh-so-rude interruption caused Fluttershy's libido (I still don't know what that is) to go down a couple notches, but seeing Chrysalis do whatever made it fire on all cylinders. DID I MENTION PISTONS?!

"I think you did. Not to insult you, but, y'know... And... Uhm... Chrysalis? You know that pony you're clopping to? You mind turning into him? Not that you're unattractive, I understand that some ponies have really weird fetishes, but I'm not one of them and I prefer my partners to not be hole punched."

"Well, that's awful rude. But, if you insist, I- OH BUCK! OH BUCK! OH BUCK, THIS HURTS!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK THIS THROUGH!?! WHY DIDN'T I THINK ANY OF THIS THROUGH!? I'M AN IDIOT, I'M AN IDIOT, I'M AN IDIOT! THAT'S ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED!"

"Well, having hammers sticking out of you... I like it. It's-"

-Monty Python's Flying Circus!... Wait, what was I thinking about? Oh, right, Rainbow Dash. It's a good thing I skipped out on the mayor, man is she an ugly bag and a half. Back to RD, she really wanted Twilight in a Wonderbolt's uniform? That's stupid. Sgt. Sprinkles is much more attractive. Thank Lauren Faust she can't see for shit... Rarity thought to herself as she con- PISTIONS!... I'm done. Anyways, Rarity kept going in Rainbow Dash and going out. Where, you might ask? I'm not saying. Back to the story, Rarity had to put the uniform on 'cause, well, Rainbow Dash could still feel and Rarity had to keep up the illusion. But Rarity really didn't like it. I mean, she was chafed getting in all the wrong places ('cause there are right places), the fabric was in negative, it was flashing several different colors, it was a little too tight in the groin area, tearing in several different places and had machinery packed into it. The last four were Rarity's fault.

She felt Dash tap her flank through the twelve layers the uniform had, which meant that Dashie could finally see light. Rarity sighed a little sigh and pulled out of Rainbow's mouth with a loud "POP!" that echoed through-out Equestria. Amber cringed at the sound. Rainbow gasped and fell flat on her back, trying to get the darkness to replace the brightness. She decided to hold breathing off until later.

"In all honesty, Rainbow, you claim to be the biggest daredevil in all of Equestria, yet you only take it one way. Isn't that like being [insert metaphor here]?"

The cerulean pony licked her face. "So what? I'm still a rock star and that tastes awesome! I've never tasted that stuff before, really, but I can tell you this - I hope all of it tastes like that! And I don't feel remotely fat yet! you're failing me."

"I don't get off to fat ponies. Turn around."

"WHAT? Twi- Rarity, are you crazy? I don't want it up the butt! That's too normal!"

"And oral isn't?"

"Well, it could never happen to Colgate!"

"Good point... Hey, you wanna hear a scienmatific fact?"

"I don't know that that has to do with anything, but OK."

"Your ass has the best tastebuds."

"I'm really stupid, so REALLY?!" Rainbow turned around as fast she could, going 360 degrees.
Quickly realizing this for no reason, she turned around completely.

"Yeah, you can taste from your- NOT! For the love of diamonds, for you're so stupidly cute! I could
just buck you right now! In fact, why wait?"

"You liar! How dare thee-" Rainbow stopped mid-sentence when she heard the sound of a curtain falling and then quickly rising. That was quickly followed by Rarity pressing all, and I mean ALL of her weight, down on the partially poor pegasus.

"Trust me, I'm serious. You're gonna be full as the damned. And you're gonna enjoy this. You gonna enjoy this LOOOOOOONG time."

Rainbow tried to look between her legs, but then remembered something.

"I can't see."

"Oh, right. Well, just imagine two long penises... Yep, you imagined it like there was no heaven."

"What are you waiting for, tails?! Just stick them in there AND NEVER COME OUT!"

"I'll come in, if you don't mind..."

Rarity chuckled at her own joke. Thanks to that, she never noticed Rainbow's ridiculously over-confident face. But Rarity already knew how like a virgin Rainbow was, so it was quite pointless... And KUTE!!!

"Well, if you really wanna feel my sexy wrath..." she whispered in a mockingly playful way.

Meanwhile, at still not the pentagon, Applejack had been waiting at the door for at least ten minutes. In apple farmer years, that's forever! All she could really hear with her super hearing was some talking, grunting, moaning, sweating, a pin dropping and an anvil (bang-bang). She tried to open door and saw that it was open. It was reverse psychology at it's finest: leave the door open and they won't enter. However, Applejack was never one to follow rules. Especially math. So, she went inside.

"Hello? Anypony home?.. I got a pair of gohils boots and I got fading roots!"

There was still nopony home, as seen by Applejack's amazing powers of observation. The noises of doom and death were getting louder and clearer, clearly coming from Rainbow's room, which was the most clearly clear room in her clearly clean house. Clearly. Anywho, Applejack didn't feel "safe" in any sense of the word. Partially because she was intruding in Rainbow's place, partially because of how smexy the sounds were and partially because she couldn't walk o clouds. But screw the logic, we got clop! The loud noises suddenly turned into slapping and what sounded like "I told you not to move!". Was Rainbow Dash getting babysat or something?

After hours (ten minutes in reality), Applejack finally found Rainbow Dash's room. You think she could easily find something with a giant neon sign on it, but whatever. When she entered... She didn't know what to think, really. She could have thought anything, but her mind had imploded into little pieces of white dust.

But then her mind reploded when she realized what she was looking at. More pointless clop! It was horrifying, to say the least. Applejack wanted to do anything: Apologize, leave, join in, offer them her supply of cocaine, but she just stood there like a deer in headlights... And much like a deer in headlights, she was pretty much dead. And like a deer trapped in the carburetor, she could only look in one direction and was getting warmer. And it was getting quite uncomfortable.

"So, now that Applejack's done hogging the descriptions, how do you feel, Dashie mah gurl?"

"I don't feel full! You're lagging!"

"Again, fat ponies don't turn me on."

"Yet fluffy ponies and foals do?"

"...You win."

"Yeah! Now fill me up!"

"What are you? The trucks from the cover of that one Aerosmith album?" Applejack finally managed to ask after a few seconds of mental preparation.

Rainbow Dash finally noticed AJ standing in the door with a massive amount of light. If ponies could blush, she'd be as red as a red hot chilli pepper. Or maybe Mario.

"A-Applejack?! You can walk on clouds? How the heck can you do that!?"

"Better question: Why are you Sgt. Sprinkles?! And where's Rarity!?"

"Sgt. Sprinkles!? Rarity, I thought you said I was bucking a stallion Twilight!"

"Well, you are blind, so I had to do it... And as for AJ, you found me..." Rarity seemed to be uninterested in Applejack's appearance (ORANGE!!!) and Rainbow's confusion, anger and disturbance.

"Rarity, are you bucking nuts? You're cramping my-" the argument would have gotten a lot longer, but Rarity quickly summoned a zipper out of nowhere (just because she was a pegasus, doesn't mean she still couldn't use magic) and placed it on Rainbow's mouth. She would not be tasting anything for two minutes.

"I...I should just go and be in a different fanfiction..." But the orange pony's hooves were still on strike.

"Why so scared, Jackie? I mean, come on, time has not ticked away yet and you could be wasting your time in an even bigger way. Like 50 Shades Of Gray!" Despite what some ponies might say, it was really hard to act all cool and hip-to-da-jive and whatnot when you're about to have two orgasms at the same time.

"It's just, you were supposed to... And I got really worried... And Twilight was doing whatever she was... And Fluttershy had a rifle... Applebloom got shot... I can- WHY CAN YOU DO THAT!?"

"Oh, right, I should explain. I... Am the walrus."

"What?"

"Nah, I'm a changeling."

"Heh, that's nothing. Pinkie was one last week. She got over it. However, I'm still gonna act shocked towards you, so, hang on a moment... WHAT!?"

"Thought as much... Also, Rainbow has some weird tastes!"

"Mmmmmmm... Don't stop her now..." Rainbow managed to mutter out, quickly figuring out how a zipper worked.

Applejack was in shock and awe. Not because of the clop, but of the Queen reference! The author wanted to mention the song the title is quoting? The shock was enough to finally get her hooves moving... But it was still damn slow.

"Well, are you just gonna stand there like a mannequin, or are you gonna get the buck over here."

"Well, I was considering it-"

"So that's a yes?"

"I never said-"

"Too late! But, first, have you done it with anypony before?"

"A-and why do you ask that?"

"Virgins are better then anything. And I'm just curious 'cause of all the clopfics, clopart, cloppers, your internet connection, hinted incest, invited alleyway ponies, the list goes on for hours, really."

"Lies! All lies! I'm as clean as a blank slate! Nothing is cleaner then I! I swear by my honest... Hone... Wow, Fluttershy's right, that is hard. But, seriously, I've never done it with any stallion, mare or zebra! I HAVE NEVER BU-" Applejack shoved all four hooves in her mouth, along with her tail, suddenly realizing just how stupid she was sounding.

Rarity rolled her eyes and grinned. "Applejack, what you just said there is like being at a trial and BEGGING to be hanged. Might as well come over here."

Applejack spat hair out of her mouth. "I'm sorry, but I should go, I get really uncomfortable around black ponies... With holes in them! With holes in them..."

"Really Applejack. Really."

"I didn't mean it like that, it's just-"

"You're being racist. And what's wrong with being racy?"

"...That makes no sense."

"As your punishment for being like that, you're going to do it with Dashie here."

The breathing cyan lump that was known to many as Rainbow Dash, but to others as "Spectrum Blitz" or "Darling", grunted in annoyance.

Applejack wanted to leave, wanted to run home, wanted to write about for hours, wanted to remember why she was worried about Applebloom... However, her eyes were trying to find a reason to stay and they were getting desperate. Sure, the plant in the corner looked nice, but it's no reason to get raped. But the eyes of Rarity were her next focus. She never saw Sprinkles's eyes, but, if she had to guess, it was not rapidly flashing back and forth between blue and green. And she was getting LOST... LOST.. LOST... LO- What was she thinking!? She wasn't into mares! Well, maybe there was one, but Nyx was much too young!

But those eyes. Those damn bucking eyes. It was quite hypnotizing. And she was getting further into them. Further... Further... Further... Further... Furher... Further...

"Assuming how far you are in my face, I assume you really want it." Rarity pulled out of Rainbow, who wanted to hiss in disappointment, but was near death again. "Roll over, Beethoven." Rarity COMMANDED and the lump who no longer had a name just barely managed to comply.

AJ telepor'd right next to Rarity, even though she was kind of right next to Rarity, making it totally pointless. But what was even more pointless was what was going through Applejack's mind as Rarity's 'Bolt outfit tore off her, thank the living tombstone.

"Hey, AJ, I know you look kinda tense... But..." Rarity caressed the cheeks of the multiple Applejacks. "I felt your cheek, so I'm, again, right." Her eyes had a message reading "Trust us" run across them and Rarity forcefully shoved Applejack to the floor.

"Ah, my nose!"

"Sorry, Rarity. Didn't know I'd bounce back up that hard."

"Let me just try it again..."

The crocus pony was pushed to the ground again, still forcefully enough to bounce up again, but not enough to give Applejack whiplash. She felt her stomach touching Dash's and felt it rumble. Her explanation: "I'm still hungry!" Also, sweat. Great.

I've gotta be crazy, she (Applejack) thought to herself. I've gotta have a real need. It's Rainbow Dash! I've been trying to prove for months- neigh, YEARS, to prove me and Dash's relationship wrong! I'm not saying it's real, but- In the middle of this, No-Uppercase-rarity decided to finally plumb right into Applejack and Rainbow Dash at the exact same time. Well, that proves one theory possible. And by George (Bush), it felt amazing. Why had Applejack been afraid? Aside from the fact that her friend was a changeling and wanted to rape her. But, really, why? And that feeling of Rarity on top of her and Rainbow below her... The rumours still weren't true.

Dash's mouth hung open for no good reason and she (Applejack) could feel every breath and they smelt and felt awful. I mean, if you ever wanted to know what burning semen (there are some that do) and several colours too hideous to be left out of a rainbow smelt like, it was exactly like that. If you think that was bad, you should have smelt Applejack's.

"I know your breaths suck, but I'm still gonna force you two to kiss... And I'm evil."

Dash almost instantly tried to complain, but, since she's just a lump, we're not gonna be showing you what she said. Instead, Applejack couldn't find anything to complain about. But, wait, what about Rainbow's breath? Well, the smell caused Applejack to lose her sense of smell. Nothing large. Anywho, she (Applejack) felt a fly land on her neck and she immediately felt her lips fall.

Applejack tried to pull away, but as Rainbow's wormed it's way into Applejack's mouth, down her throat, into her digestive track and into her brain whilst Rarity started to, ugh, PISTONED in and out of them, nothing was left in AJ's mind except frayed sanity. And it was bliss, taking her so far away from the past that they might as well have been pen pals.

She (Applejack... Nope, just Chuck Testa... I'll stop) tried to return Rainbow Dash's kiss, but that tongue was much too wormy. And her sanity got frayed further... Much like Rarity's eyes, Applejack found herself getting lost in it, almost like she was stuck in some horribly awesome whirlwind of "Why didn't I do this earlier?!"

Everypony had something to hide except for Applejack and her lightning. She wanted it to stay like that forever. As in, screw their social lives.

My lord, virgins are way too easy. I might as well be tricking the mentally challenged. Rarity thought as her thrusts got faster and faster until Dashie and Jackie started bleeding. Really, none of them would have minded. They had insurance. And as Rarity's eyes flashed green for a second, she remembered she couldn't fly and fell through the floor. Dashie and Jackie didn't mind. And, if you listened very closely, you could hear somepony say, "Are you OK, Sgt. Sprinkles!? Anything I can do to help!?"

[

A/N: Um... Hey, I'm the waffle king... Bonum nocte et fortuna.