A/N: All I'm gonna say is this: Libre Office saved this chapter. That is all. Chapter four, AWAY!!!

It had been nearly a century since Rarity got her Changeling powers, considering how much I've been jumping around. The sun was rising on this particular morning, seeing as Rarity STILL hasn't gotten around to the two princess (she should really just go ahead now), and it seemed to be a normal day. But to a small portion, it was not. Because Fluttershy being a Hammerskin and having Lyra in wheelchair is totally normal.

For example, Fluttershy woke up next to Chrysalis because the two haven't moved in ten years. To say it wasn't awkward, spooning (the "pistol" of this chapter) the queen of changelings, is like saying that Babs Seed isn't a gangster... Well, to ME she is! Moving on, what had made it even worse was all that damn clopping Chrysalis had done. You'd think she was from the Brony Union! But I digress. She also hadn't done ANYTHING even REMOTELY evil since Rarity left, so she never had to ask herself "Am I Evil?". I think her mother was a witch (burned alive, ooo), but that's besides the point. The point is the only thing she did that can be considered even remotely evil was some kinda reverse credit card thing. Whatever that is, it can't be as bad as this. This is true evil.

Applejack woke up next to Rainbow Dash. Yes, in ten years, Applejack not even ONCE thought she might not be able to walk on clouds. Weird, eh? But not as weird as spoonin' your best friend. Apparently, it was even more awkward last night, so Applejack just had slight discomfort this morning. Don't dig to deep into that; I already did. Anywho, just laying there, listening to Rainbow Dash's breathing hop back and forth between soft and heavy as she had even more nightmares about My Little Dashie was pretty relaxing. I think she (Applejack) would have been less relaxed if she had noticed the giant, gaping hole that Rarity had fell through the other night. Technically, however, there were 5 gaping holes in the room. But that's a dirty joke.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, rolled over and snorted, breaking some of the thick fluff that had spawned when they weren't bucking like animals. RD didn't wake up, however, she just kept sleeping. That somehow made AJ feel... What's the word? Lonely? Abandoned? Alone? Apart? By oneself? Comfortless? Companionless? Deserted? Desolate? Destitute? Disconsolate? Down? Empty? Estranged? Forsaken? Godforsaken? Homeless? Isolated? Left? Lone? Lonesome? Outcast? Reclusive? Rejected? Renounced? Secluded? Single? Solitary? Troglodytic? Unattended? Unbefriended? Uncherished? Unsocial? Withdrawn? I dunno. She also felt really cold. Like she was stuck near the Crystal Empire. Not in. NEAR. It seemed to come from ol' Dashie not having her arm around Applejack, which is impossible, since horses don't have arms. They have front legs and back legs. But I digress. The armlessness was probably why Applejack was feeling this, so, to fix this, the orange pony turned over, realized she had done so in the wrong direction, turned over in the right direction and draped her hoof over Rainbow's chest. Pressing her (Applejack's) body closer to her's (Dashie's), she (Applejack) had to wriggle-ma-miggle a bit to avoid Dashie's mane, since it's, apparently, radioactive or something. It felt right. Until Rainbow Dash started strangling Applejack for no reason.

"GACK! THIS ISN'T MY LITTLE DASHIE, THIS ISN'T MY LITTLE DASHIE!" Applejack choked.

Rainbow sighed angrily and put her front legs back to her sides. "You know how I get in my sleep," she muttered.

"I'm sorry, but IT'S REALLY COLD IN HERE!" Applejack shouted. "Crank up the damn AC!"

"I'm in the middle of a dream; you do it!" Rainbow Dash told Applejack, rolling so she wasn't facing the farmer.

"But I don't know where it is!" Applejack argued.

"You'll find it," Rainbow Dash murmured, slipping back into sleep.

Groaning, Applejack decided she would stop being so lazy and just go do it. So she hopped out of bed... And fell through the floor.

"I JUST REALIZED, I CAN'T WALK ON CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" Applejack cried as she fell, eventually stopping with a thump.

"About time," Dash said to herself, chuckling a little.

"You OK, Applejack!?"

Let's move on. Twilight was at home, as she had been for a LAWNG time. In another other better story, she would have been surrounded by a concerning number of sex toys. And while, yes, there were a few scattered around, Twilight had already experimented with all of them and was currently bucking her bed. Yes, she actually found out a way to mate with her bed. But it's not unusual. Normally, that would have been EXTREMELY awkward, but she was the only living being around. Her owl didn't count, since writers only care about Spike. Speak of the dragon, he was off at the Cakes, 'cause Twilight told him that she needed to do some, ahem, "adult research on a very high level".

"What? Are you playing Superman for NES? Studying the stock market? Maybe playing Fortune Street?" he had previously asked. Twilight would have asked him what the buck an NES was, but she was currently clopping furiously right in front of Spike, so she had a question.

"Spike, are you deaf, dumb, blind or all of the above?" Twilight had asked in return.

"I thought that was Rainbow Dash," Spike had replied. They both had ignored Rainbow Dash's yelling of "ARE YOU BUCKING KIDDING ME?!", 'cause she had some good bucking hearing.

Moving back to Twilight, she was bucking her bed, having sheets be shoved up her plot, having a cloth rub her (ahem) "teets" and having some kind of stuffed thingy on her horn. Yeah, this is awkward.

But not as awkward as this! Finally getting to Rarity, SHE had woken up next to a filly, a stallion, a dog, a Fix-It Felix, Jr. arcade cabinet, some kind of anime chick and a bottle of ALLHHHH. Except the bottle, it was all pretty awkward. The filly used to be a mare, a DJ in fact, and this was technically the first time she had done anypony ('nother fun fact: they went through ten beds 'cause of the filly's presence, like she was, I dunno, a vampire from Twilight or sumthin). The stallion was a pegasus who used to be a Wonderbolt, but gave it up to be a questionnaire so he could have more time to his precious pie, which he also used in his freaky kind of sex play, which some-brony might use in the future. The dog showed up the last minute, the arcade cabinet was imported from Japan and the Anime girl... Um... She... Buck, I don't know...

Pinkie Pie woke up. Forever alone, my friends. Nothing awkward was here. If you exclude the massive amounts of blood splattered over half the room. The half that was Pinkeamena Diane Pie. The other half was also covered in blood. The half that was Pinkie Pie. But everything was totally cool. Totally normal. BUTITWOULDNTBEFORLONGCAUSERARITYANDITDBETHELASTTIMEINALONGTIME.

Cutting back to Rarity, she was the first one to wake up. (Didn't Pinkie's paragraph add SO much?) Scienmatiffically speaking, Changeling’s didn't really need sleep, it's just that a ton of artists, writers and stuff like to think that Changeling's can, so the species are all like, "We'll sleep if you shut the hay up!" They still don't, but they do it for the fans. Rarity didn't have any fans watching her at this moment in time, so she could spend time dicking around, looking for night clubs and whorses (I'm dead serious, that's how someone spells it) and stuff like that. She only really fell asleep because, well, you can't SLEEP with somepony unless you SLEEP. If you don't, you're just with somepony! And where's the mature rating in that?

She (Rarity) didn't bother showering or putting on make-up, since being a Changeling spoiled her into being a total slob. The power made hygiene so obsolete. Why can't everypony a Changeling? But I digress. Rarity decided it'd be best to shoo the dog away, since Opal would have a fit and there'd be mass hysteria. Rarity also telepor'd the arcade cabinet off someplace else for later usage and threw the Anime girl out the window. She let the other two ponies lie sleeping, so, if the cops showed up, the stallion could be accused of paedophilia and rape. Rarity's a nice mare, right?

With all that not said but done, Rarity strolled out of her house (play this, not because it fits the scene, but because it's pretty awesome) and down the street, confident about the day ahead. Hopefully, she could beat her record of six hours of tail pulling! But that idea got nuked after she had a great thought, making her confirm that her next destination was (colon) Sugarcube Corner!

There was some concern Rarity had. With her other friends, they were all smart mares, so they would all obviously know what sex was, except for maybe Fluttershy, but Pinkie was a blank wall. Who knows how much she got around, if she even got around at all! All her previous friend had internet connection, except for maybe Fluttershy, so that knocked off another thing off the list. But for Pinkie, good Faust! Did she ever take a break from her endeavours? Whatever the heck they are! This was like jumping into [thing here] without [thing here] first.

Be calm Rarity... Be natural... Ya just gotta be gentle with her. Yeah, gentle. Don't throw everything onto her at once. Start with The Sorcerer’s Stone, don't begin with The Deathly Hallows. Don't start with Party(dot)MOV, even though I have no idea which order they go in. Just be sexy, be seductive, be cool, be hip, be Lucas... She may be naive sometimes, but, for the love of Luna, can she be smart!

After that very long motivational poster, Pinkie suddenly opened the door. Realizing she was ahead of the script, she quickly closed it and waited for Rarity to knock. Rarity rolled her eyes and knocked once on the door before Pinkie opened the door.

"Hi, Rarity, what're you doing here, you here for a party, OOO, of course you are, why else would you be here, except for any other reason, I dunno, I can't think, is the fiction gonna end soon, not that one, I mean this one, I LOVE COMMAS-"

"YES, I am here for a party! SHUT! UP!"

"Oh! Sorry!"

"Yes, of course... May I please come in?"

"Sure as sweet bread! Or soup! Or schweetz! Or Snickers! Or Skittles! Black Snooty, Black-"

"Let me in!"

"OK!"

Pinkie hopped inside, suddenly telepor'ing into the kitchen to finish some kind of chore or whatever. Or maybe to mend a wonky hole in the fabric of space and time. Actually, it's a lot more like a rug, really- Oh, never mind. It could be anything with Pinkie.

"Are the Cakes around, Pinkie? 'Cause, if they are, this'll get really awkward 'cause I don't wanna-"

"No, they left for some reason! They said something about plot convenience or sumthin', I dunno, I wasn't listening! They also took Spike with them, which is sad, 'cause I was looking forward to doing something with him! Don't ask, by the way!" She (Pinkie) responded from the kitchen. Her voice seemed to get quiter for some reason.

A smile creeped it's deathly way across Rarity's face as she locked the door with a burst of magic. The door then quietly squeaked open again and Rarity sighed. She tried again and the door instead blew off it's hinges. Rarity then gave up and just hung a "Sorry! We're Closed!" sign out front. Having finally gotten that out of the way, Rarity followed Pinkie into the kitchen... Only to notice that she wasn't there. And that a door was open. Going through said door to the basement... Well, go watch the video for Cupcakes. It'll explain more then I can.

Well... Maybe she does know a thing or two. I mean DAMN. Got an even better spread then I do!

Pinkie then noticed Rarity. She smiled sheepishly..

"Rarity! Hi!... You were supposed to come down after Rainbow Dash! Ah, forget it. Remember that party you said ya wanted? mind tellin' me?"

"I'm glad to... I want a party... A SEXY party..."

"Ooo!..." Pinkie then put the skull of what used to be Nyx and rubbed her chin with a hoof, getting blood on it by accident. "I have no idea what that is."

"Considering what you have around here, I thought you knew."

"Knew what?"

"SEX. Do you know what that is, Pinkie?"

"Sure! Sex is that thing that happens after two ponies get married! Y'see, after two ponies, both of opposie genders, get married, they have a marriage certificate, which is only the plate for this stuff- meaning they both do things to their private things until marshmallow sauce comes out and they put it in a blender with pig fetus, then they blend it, then they bake it 150 degrees for however long, then they put it on the marriage certificate, then they put it out, then this stork comes and tells them how sick they are and then leaves a foal based on how long they left it in there, hoping they will never, ever, ever, ever do it ever again!" Pinkie took a deep breath, looked off to the left and decided she had nothing else to say but this: "That's at least what my grandmother told me."

She (Pinkie) returned to whatever she was doing with Nyx's skull whilst Rarity just stood there, wondering how bucked up her grandmother really was. Well, she at least had some idea what clopping was.

"Not sure how you gonna get enough fetuses for all of PonyVille. Or, buck, even a small portion of PonyVille! Shouldn't this be called a piggy party?"

"So that... That is your grandmother's twisted, deranged version of 'horseflies and herons'?"

"Horseflies and herons? Rarity, are you suggesting interspiecis relationships? That never works out! Just look at Spike and Rarity! Or Spike and Twilight! Or Spike and Applejack! Or Spike and me! Or Spike and Vinyl! Or Spike and Cadence! Or-"

"That's enough, Pinkie..."

"No, I wanna explain more! I'll even change my name so I can explain more!"

"No, really, that's enough, you've already taught me screwed up your family is. Onto the next topic, do you have internet connection?"

"Of course I do! Everypony in PonyVille has it except for Fluttershy! And possibly Rolling Songstone. Heck, that's how I got inspired to do this!"

"Murder ponies?"

"Yeah, from this nice guy named Sgt. Sprinkles! He's a pretty nice guy. Ooo, ooo, I also go on /MLP/!"

"And have you seen any particular... Posts?"

"Oh, I see all kinds of posts! Mainly show discussions!"

"Any 'I want to cum inside Rainbow Dash' posts? Any 'I want Celestia to pee in my mouth' posts? And 'sexy greentext' stories?"

"No, not when I go on. But I did see somepony claim that Fluttershy was Jesus! Who do ya think that is, Rarity? He sounds weird."

Rarity's hoof was a-shakin' as she desperately tried to avoid slamming her hoof so hard into her face that her brain would come out the other side. At this point, she decided that subtly was getting her about as far as the plot in My Lil' Vinyl. Time to go into the direct metaphors.

"Well, enough about religious debates, Pinkie, my darling. Let's get back to sex and let me just say that it does it does not work that way. Not even close. You were really damn far off. Kinda close, but no cigar. Sex... Physical. A lot more physical. As in, I wanna hear yo body talk."

"My body can talk? I think Fluttershy's body can, but from behind! I've never asked about it before 'cause it's probably not important. But y'know what is important? A fiction about my clone getting a seperate clone then me! Seriously! Or me being a Changeling! Like that hasn't been done bef-"

"Pinkie, can you please shut up for a second? I wanna rub against you for no good reason..." And she followed through with it, sliding over the floor because of how much blood there was on the floor. "I mean something sexual stimulating to the people reading. Like this..." She put a hoof on Pinkie's haunch, which easy since she was standing upright like Lyra, and slowly slid it down towards a series of three periods, which was, again, easy cause there was a lot of blood on her. And lubricant...

"Rarity, you're trying to seduce me! And, for once, I don't think I like it all too much..." Pinkie quickly kicked Rarity's hoof off of her, got on all fours and backed away a little.

"Why do say that?"

"You're not coming onto me fully. That's the shipping way!"

"Well, this is supposed to be a clop fic that's supposed to be parodying a clop fic that's a parody of Changeling fictions, yet failing horribly at it. Seriously, have you seen the contrast between the likes and dislikes?"

"Hey, only I can be meta!"

"Right, sorry... Anyways, I was trying to demonstrate how clopping is supposed to be done. Y'know, you just take your hoof and you put it in that narrow way to heaven. Or maybe I can run into another series of three periods..."

"Rarity, did you just reference a Christian parody of Stairway To Heaven? I thought you wanted to get away from this kind of stuff!"

"Pinkie, knock it off with the references."

"You're the one who referenced ApologetiX!"

"Touche... But, humour me, what do you think clopping is?"

"Of course! It's that sound your hoof makes when it hits something!"

"OW! Pinkie!"

"See, I told ya so! Why're ya givin' me this quiz? I suppose giving it to Twilight would cause her to panic or something, but it's currently not making much sense as of this point in time!"

"Well, if I'm not making much sense, I guess you can't help me. If you really wanted to help me plan this sexiest of all parties, you would say I at least make a little sense! But I guess if you don't want to understand me..." Rarity turned to leave, giving a reasonably convincing performance... But the blood made her do a 360 and her acting was as good as Tommy Wiseau. Pinkie did a spittake anyways.

"Are you bucking serious, Rarity? I'm the only pony in Equestria who can throw a party! I've got a plauqe that says so! And a contract! And at least ten testimonies! If you're going to such little lengths to plan a party, i do insist that I take at least some part in it!"

"Well, if you do insist, I'll show you... In your room."

"In my room? Can't we do it in my life?"

"Only in your room can this work."

Pinkie wasn't one to question things, even when was going to happen was painfully obvious, so she started upstairs and Rarity. On the first floor, Rarity realized something.

"I think I liked down there a lot better," Rarity admitted. "Can we go back down there?"

"Um... I don't really allow ponies down there," Pinkie replied. "But I really want to help you with your party... So... My needs o’er wrought my safety!"

"Your safe-" Rarity began, but decided that it wasn't worth. So the two went back downstairs. Rarity took special note of the table with leather straps.

"So, yeah, we're here in my torture room- I MEAN BASEMENT!... Yea, basement! We're in my basement! What's so special about it?"

"Well, normally, Pinkamena, the bedroom would be the perfect place to do this kind of stuff, but since you have my kind of spread, that's even better... Because sex is intimate!... And I'm not going anywhere with that." Rarity casually strolled over the to table (just like John Travolta) and patted the top of it. It was apparently code for "GET ON HERE". Pinkie was a little reluctant, since she cut open ponies on that, but she was really damn determined to be a good party planner, so she jumped on top and laid down. Again, needs over safety.

"In a different paragraph (this joke was probably never funny), the key to any great party is activities, as you know."

"Except if it's one of those posh parties! I don't like them."

"Yeah, nothing happens at those... You're right. But, my party has special activities!"

"What kind of special activities? Like watching some guy play a video game over the intornet?"

"Nope even more special!"

"Specialnatural?!"

"Whatever you want. The first activity I have in mind is... The Room. The second is my second favourite: Clopping!"

"You mean kicking?"

"No, I mean- OW! You're laying on a table! HOW! Y-y'know, this going on for two long. Gimme dat hoof."

"But what is clopping!?"

"It's when you reach for something, but run into a dash."

"Why would Rainbow Dash be in the way?"

"I SAID GIMME DAT HOOF!" And Rarity grabbed Pinkie's hoof and guided it down to her-

"Rarity, what am I reaching for?"

"THAT. See this? Rub it."

"How?... This is kinda making me uncomfortable. Even more then Awakening Pink."

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to help me."

"Well, you needed help... You needed somepony."

"Yeah, you bet your bucking plot I did!"

"On what?"

"...Just copy me. Follow the leader and do THIS." And Rarity started rubbing herself and Pinkie tried to follow.

"No, Pinkie. I said there."

"Oh, sorry. Lemme try again."

"...Pinkie, I said there. I said there. Said there. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. Ther- ther- ther- the- the- the- the- th- th- th- th- th- t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- STOP! You finally got it! Now RUB! Rub like your life depends on it!"

"Considering where I'm laying...!"

So the two continued on for a while and Rarity was kinda, sorta getting into it, despite the amount of discomfort popping up everywhere. Discomfort's like the opposite of fluff, really. But just as Rarity's pace started to pick up, Pinkie just HAD to be doing it wrong!

"Rarity, I-"

"Pinkie, dear, darling, sweet child o' mine, I don't know what you're doing, but I do, but you're doing it wrong. Let a master of doin' it show you how it's done."

"Master of doin' it?"

"I like Herbie Hancock, alright?" The white unicorn decided to end the topic there by using MAGICK to sit Pinkie up so that Rarity could go up on the table and behind Pinkie. She then slid her [MISSING MEDIA] in between pink pony's thighs.

"Rarity, you listen-"

"Shh... Just be calm, relax, I'll do it, I'll know when you wanna cum."

"AND Frankie Goes To Hollywood?!"

"Forget my music and get into the motion of the ocean and the sun in the sky."

"And the soundtrack-" Pinkie was cut off by a feeling. A feeling deep down inside that she can't hide. She was feeling whatever Rarity was previously talking about. Honestly, who knew? But it was a good feeling, so Pinkie closed her eyes and squeaked like the little duckie she wasn't, which caused Rarity to decide to go faster. Squeaking is the signal, obviously!

And Pinkie started to breathe faster and faster, almost on the edge of hyperventilating. It went like "Hoy-eee-hoy-eee" or something. The feeling from her neverneverland was unfamiliar to the admittedly childish mind of the Pie, but I can't say it was unpleasant. (I get philosophical listening to Tenacious D, alrgiht?) For about 15 minutes, which Rarity knew because she timed it, the only sounds echoing throughout the house was Pinkie's rapid breathing. Various ponies passing by the opened door tried their ignore these airfuls of pleasure, but some had the balls to take a look. But it was irrelevant. Oh, they could also hear the rhythm of Rarity's hoof.

"You think we should... Do something?" one of the passer-bys asked his buddy.

"That depends on how much something, since we're here for no reason," the second pony replied.

"Let's say enough to put this fiction to rest," the first pony suggested.

"Hmm... I don't think we should," the second one answered.

Then the sound of Pinkie grunting became audible.

"...Let's move," the second pony said, the two running off. What was the point of that? Nothing. Back to your regularly scheduled Pinkie grunts.

So, yeah, Pinkie was grunting up a lil' storm down in the basement. She wasn't sure how much noise was acceptable, but that never stopped her. She once blew the roof off the Albert Hall after filling it with about 70 different holes. But that's a different story. Getting back to the real one, Pinkie fell backwards onto the table, Rarity quickly getting out of the way. Pinkie then decided it wasn't that big of a deal.

"By Luna's moustache... Sex is pretty damn GOOD..."

Rarity laughed as she thought about when this story tried to be funny. "That wasn't sex Pinkie. You're getting off track again and Lil' Miss Rarity doesn't like that."

"Since when did you start talking in the third person?"

"Since never. And again, that was not sex."

Pinkie's eyes got pretty damn close to flying out of her skull. She turned to face Rarity, who had a smug grin on. "That wasn't sex? Well, that other stuff felt pretty good, so I can't imagine what actually sex feels like! It must be supercalfifragiliciousexpialapenstrokealiliousvonschweetz!"

"That was clopping-"

"But clopping is when you hit somepony!"

"AH! The face, Pinkie, the face!"

"Sorry, Rarity. I forgot."

"It's OK... But, seriously, that was clopping." A green-flame curtain then fell around Rarity and quickly rose again. At first, Pinkie was completely oblivious to what happened, but then she noticed the fleshy rod dangling from Rarity like some low hangin' fruit. "Sex is actually when I take this thing right here and RAM IT UP YOUR BUCKING... Series of periods... Simple, eh?"

Pinkie, finally putting two and two together to get three, tried as hard she could to back away, but she soon ran out of table and noticed her portable spike trap was right behind her. She should really clean her basement up a little more.

"Well, Rarity, this has been a nice been a nice meeting between me and you, but I personally think that's time we go our separate ways and pretend that none of this ever happened, because, y'know, I thought of twenty different things I should be doing right now and, really, PonyVille can go without one silly little party co-planned by me, right?"

Rarity snorted and got up on the table again, pulling Pinkie dangerously close to her face (an alarm went off, so that's how Rarity knew before she shot it). "But Pinkie, riddle me this: How can you plan a party that's already started? Unless your like me and can somehow make a dimensional hopping police box turn into a time travelling device, I don't think so! And, besides, since when has Pinkamena Diane Pie ever been a bad host?"

"I... I..." Pinkie tried to look anywhere else but Rarity's eyes, but it was hard when all you can see is Rarity's eyes, so it was kind of useless. She also couldn't think of anything to say, meaning that cleverpun and I have just brought the apocalypse. You're welcome.

"Look, just hold still and please stop hitting me! I wise mare once said that getting bucked is a lot like getting a needle and I do stand by those words. And believe me, you'll enjoy it ten times more then any other things you've done before this! Pinkie Promise!"

Pinkie finally gave up on looking for a crack between her and Rarity's face and just stared in Rarity's eyes. She felt at ease... Strangely comfortable... She just stared... And stared... And stared... And stared... Drooled a little... And stared.

Noticing that Pinkie was getting hypnotized for no good reason, Rarity quickly stroked the pink pony's cheek. "Very good... Now, you'll be a good girl and just take it, right? You promise you won't panic and draw any unneeded attention? Or, if you do panic, less then I've brought?"

Pinkie pulled back from Rarity's face a little, still staring, and nodded VERY slowly. Took nearly an hour to do so.

"I knew you'd agree with me. Now I'll be easy on you..." She whispered.

And for the first time in ten years, she meant it... For the first five minutes.

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this up, twelve people who favorited this on FIMFiction/1 person who added this to their alerts on FanFiction(dot)Net. Well, anyways, I promise you that the last chapter will be the next one. I've got a plan to wrap everything up there. And it's got the most great and powerful lunar ponies in it!... Yeah, it's Peppermint Twist and Cloud Kicker!