Xenophobic Ponies? What A Fun Day!

"Morning every....one?" Strolling into the kitchen, I'm surprised to find myself alone in the kitchen. Normally, I'd be met with either Spike cooking breakfast or both him and Twilight sat at the table. This morning, however, the pair were nowhere to be seen. 'Must've gone out, I guess. Shopping, maybe? Eh, who cares. I got the place to myself for a bit. Just enjoy that luxury, Alex.' Shrugging, I go about my business as per usual, fixing myself up a cup of tea, my inner Brit rearing its top hatted head.

Tea in hand, I take a seat at the table, sighing contentedly as I take a sip of the divine drink in my hands. 'Any self-respecting Brit loves his tea. Unless you're one of those who like to dunk digestives or some other biscuit in it. Twats.' Out of the corner of my eye, I spot something that draws my attention away from the liquid ambrosia in my hands. Putting the mug down for a moment, I reach over and grab the note that had been left on the table, quickly spotting my name written at the top, recognising the hoofwriting as Twilight's. 'Will this explain where those two have got off to?'

Alex,

Myself and Spike have gone on a walk. I would have asked you to join us, but we thought that you'd enjoy a lie in for once. We'll be back soon, if you're even awake to realise we'd even gone out. Lazy bones.

And please don't burn the library down whilst we're out? Thanks.

-Twilight

'Well that explains their absence, then.' Standing up from the table, I head to the nearby window, looking to see if I could catch a glimpse of the duo. I couldn't see them. Hell, I couldn't see anypony at all. "Strange. Where is everyone?" I mutter. Looking to the clock, my confusion is only further reinforced by the fact that it was already past 9 in the morning, so there should have been ponies out and about already.

'Am I forgetting something? Is there a party going on that I've not heard about? Surely not. If there was a party, I'd have been invited... Well, not gonna learn anything standing here all day.' Finishing the tea, I head back to the table, writing my own note to Twilight in case she got back before I did, before grabbing my coat and heading for the door.'Detective Greyson is on the case, boys and girls.'

'Where in the hell is everyone?' I had only just left the library and I already felt unnerved. Ponyville was quiet. Too quiet. And as cliche as that sounds, it was true. There were no ponies in sight, and the town was silent. 'Oh this is not creepy whatsoever.' With the market empty and no ponies walking the streets, I had no clue what was going on. 'Right, this is weird as all fuck. What is this? Everybody's Gone To The Rapture?'

A sudden noise to my right draws me attention to an open window, where a filly was sticking her head out, looking side to side. Spotting me, her eyes widen in surprise, before she beckons me closer. Coming up to the window, she scans the area one more, before looking fearfully into my eyes.

"Mister! You gotta get off of the streets!" She whispers, her voice laced with fear.

"And why's that, sweetheart?" I question, glancing around at the still vacant streets, the fear in her voice unnerving me slightly. Before she could answer, however, a voice cuts her off.

"Dinky! Get away from the window!" I've barely any time to react before a familiar clumsy pegasus appears, promptly slamming the window shut in my face. 'Cheers, sweetheart. Don't mind me at all. Just one, confused-as-all-hell human stood here.' Turning away from the house, I take one final look around, expecting something to jump out at me at any moment. Nothing happens, and I begin heading further down the road. 'This is getting weirder and weirder by the second. It's like one of Pinki-PINKIE!'

"Pinkie, you throwing some massive party or something? Or one of those majorly complicated, barely-thought-out-and-yet-surprisingly-entertaining pranks of yours? Hellooo?" I call out, fully expecting the eccentric pony to appear out of thin air, before promptly blasting me with confetti. Believe it or not, this was actually a regular occurrence. Today, however, was not one of those days. On the one hand, this brought a massive feeling of relief, as she'd most likely not appear out of thin air and scare the living hell out of me for once. On the other hand, this worried me, as the thought of this entire situation being some sort of harmless joke or prank was becoming less and less believable.

Minutes passed, and apart from the odd whispers of "Hide!" or "Save yourself!", I'd yet to find any clue as to what was going on, as any time I'd asked, they just told me that it wasn't safe, and that there was something dangerous lurking in the town. 'Great, so we may be in deep shit yet again. So what exactly has gotten the entire town scared to hell? Oh please don't let it be another Ursa. Or a dragon. Or anything that poses a threat to my life for that matter.'

Coming to a stop in the middle of the town, I look around. More accurately, I look to the windows of the homes, seeing curtains opening for but a moment and then closing just as quickly. '50,000 ponies used to live here. Now it's a ghost town.'

"Alex?" Turning on the spot, I'm relieved to see both Twilight and Spike standing before me, looking around just as confused as I've been for the past few minutes. "Where is everypony?" Twilight asks, gesturing to the desolate town. 'I was hoping you'd tell me.'

"Hell if I know, Sparky. As far as I know, everyone's either skipped town or holed up in their homes." I answer, gesturing to a house whose residents were, like everypony else it seems, hiding from something. "Why that is, though, is beyond me." It would seem that they were hoping I'd have an answer, if their reactions were anything to go by. Glancing nervously at each other, Twilight turns back to me. "So what do we do, sweetheart?"

"Well, I think the logical course of action here is to find out just what exactly is going on." Affirms Twilight, trotting off down the road, Spike remaining on her back. Sighing, I follow alongside the pair. 'Oh great, let's be heroes. Again.'

"Of course you do, Sparky. I mean, let's just go in search of whatever is forcing the residents into hiding. Because that is just a great idea, Twilight."

"Why thank you for your input, Alex."

"Do you know what sarcasm means?"

"Do you?"

"...Touche."

"Is it some sort of pony holiday?" Spike asks, looking to his mother...Sister?...Master? 'I don't actually know. I'll just say older sister for now.'

"Not that I know of." Twilight answers, looking around the vacant streets of Ponyville.

"Does my breath stink?" Jumping at the sudden gust of heat behind me, I turn to glare at Spike, who gives me a sheepish look. 'Little bastard.'

"Not more than usual." 'Oh Twilight, you snide mare.' Spike appears pensive for a moment, before his eyes widen in terror. 'Oh boy, what's he-'

"Is it....zombies?" 'You're a twat.' Exchanging a look with a dumbfounded Twilight, the mare looks sceptically towards Spike.

"Uh... not very likely." Twilight replies, though this did little to assuage the dragon's fears. 'This boy has one vivid imagination.'

"Not likely...but possible?"

"Tell you what, mate. If there are zombie ponies, then you can be the bai-"

"Psst!" 'Who the fuck was that?' Looking around for whoever had tried getting our attention, I'm drawn to Sugarcube Corner, where I'm positive I'd just seen something pink slip into the shadows. Just as I'm about to relay this to Twilight and Spike, a familiar muzzle suddenly appears in the doorway. 'Ah, that would explain the noise then.'

"Twilight! Spike! Alex! Come here!" Pinkie frantically whispers. The three of us remained motionless, staring quizzically at the door, where Pinkie was now gesturing for us to come inside. "Come! Here!" Sticking her head out of the doorway, Pinkie takes a quick look to her sides, before bringing her attention back to us, a look of fear transfixed on her muzzle. "Hurry, before she gets you!" The fact that Pinkie of all ponies sounded scared must've been convincing enough for both Twilight and Spike to shoot into the bakery, leaving me still standing outside. 'It's too early for this. Really, it is.'

"Y'know, I think it may be safer out here." Taking one last look around the empty town that was Ponyville, I follow my friends into the bakery, Pinkie slamming and bolting the door shut behind me, submerging us all in darkness. This only lasts for a moment, however, before a bright light is shone in our faces, courtesy of Pinkie Pie and her flashlight. 'Fucking hell, do you mind?'

"Who? The zombie pony?" Spike says, referencing the 'she' that Pinkie had mentioned only a moment ago. Unsurprisingly, Pinkie reacted in a confused, yet fearful manner.

"Z-Zombie pony?!" Pinkie stutters, her voice trembling. Seeing the mare as frightened at the prospect of such ponies existing as he was, Spike grips Twilight harder, burying his face into her neck.

"Spike! There are no zombie ponies." Twilight says, both Pinkie and Spike appearing relieved at such an obvious statement. Her assistant now calm, the unicorn turns to her pink friend, giving the party planner a perplexed look. "Pinkie, what are you doing here alone in the dark?"

"I'm not alone in the dark." Pinkie responds, tilting her head in a confused manner. Before I could question whether or not she'd somehow made friends with the shadow realm, the blinds suddenly opened, the room now brightening slightly. Looking around, what Pinkie had said turns out to actually be true, as we find ourselves surrounded. 'Well fuck me if this isn't creepy.'

"Okay then, what are youalldoing here in the dark?" Twilight reiterates, shaking away her momentary surprise at the sudden appearance of our friends, plus Applebloom for whatever reason.

"We're hidin' from her!" Joining Applejack at the window, followed by everypony else in the room, I quickly spot a solitary figure down the road, pawing at the ground, their face obscured by the cloak it was wearing. Squinting my eyes, I could just about make out its front and back legs, and the black stripes they were sporting. 'So that's who's got the entire town shit scared, is it? Well, they don't seem that bad. They have the shape of a pony, yet they've got black stripes. It's also...grey by the looks of it. Grey and black stripes... Is it a zebra? Do they even have zebras around here? Marty, is that you?'

"Did you see her Mr Greyson? Twilight? Did you see...Zecora?" Applebloom asks, climbing on top of a poor Spike so as to get on level with Twilight, yet still nowhere near eye level with me. 'That's her name? Zecora? Zecora the most-likely zebra? Well at least it's original, I guess. I mean, Mayor Mare? Spring Cleaning? Fuck me, having parents here must suck.'

"Apple Bloom! Ah' told ya' never to say that name!" Scolds Applejack, giving her sister a disapproving look. 'Someone's a bit unpopular around here, it seems.'

"Well, I saw her glance this way-"

"Glance evilly this way!"

"-and then a bunch of you flip out for no good reason." 'Well there may be a good reason, actually. I mean, Rainbow's over there, so she's been hiding from whoever that Zecora is. And if Skittles is actually afraid of something, then maybe there's a good explanation as to why we should probably be so as well.'

"Maybe they had a reas-"

"No good reason!?" 'Oh by all means, interrupt me.' "Ya' call protectin' yer' kin no good reason? Why, as soon as mah' sister saw Zecora ridin' into town, she started shakin' in her lil' horseshoes." As if to further emphasise, Applejack begins to shake her sister, much to her displeasure.

"Did not!"

"So I swept her up and brought her here-" And then she picks her up, much to the filly's annoyance.

"I walked here myself!"

"-for safe keepin'!" Wriggling out of her siblings forearm, Applebloom appears to have taken umbrage at her sister's words, indignation etched on her muzzle.

"Applejack, I'm not a baby! I can take care of myself!" 'She's feisty, this one.'

"Not from that creepy Zecora." Applejack counters. Before Applebloom could retort, I clap my hands together, both shutting the filly up and getting the room's undivided attention.

"Now that I've got your attention, can somepony tell me just what is wrong with this Zecora? Like seriously, you guys make her sound like she's the second coming of Adolf Hitler."

"Adolf Hitler? Do you mean Adolf Hoofler?" Twilight questions. '...U wot?'

"Uhh....No, and, who's that exactly?" I reply, slightly dreading the answer.

"Oh, he's a rising star in the political scene in Canterlot."

"Uh huh...well, tell your mentor to keep an eye on that one. But back to the matter at hand, what exactly is wrong with Zecora, exactly?"

"She's mysterious," Fluttershy begins. '...Okay?'

"Sinister," Rainbow continues. '...And?'

"And spoooooky!" And Pinkie finishes. 'Oh for fuck sake, is this really all they've got against her? Seriously?' Sighing, I join Twilight in looking at Zecora once again, the rest of the ponies quickly following suit. Moments later, Zecora lowers her hood, startling six out of seven ponies and confirming my suspicions of as to what species she was. 'Called it! She's a zebra! What do I win?'

"Just look at those stripes! So garish!" 'Racism, kids!'

"She's a zebra." Twilight points out. Judging by the collective gasp coming from everypony else, I was guessing they had no clue as to what a zebra was.

"A what!?" Yet again, I'm spot on.

"A zebra, and her stripes aren't a fashion choice Rarity, they're what she was born with." Rarity, in all her dramatic and ladylike glory, promptly faints. 'Bloody drama queen.'

"Born where? Ah've never seen a pony like that in these parts, 'cept...her!"

"Well, she's probably not from here, and she's not a pony. My books say that zebras come from a faraway land. But I've never seen her in Ponyville." 'Neither have I, come to think of it.' "Where does she live?"

"That's just it! She lives in... the Everfree Forest!" 'Oh fun, she lives in that forest of joy and never ending happiness?' Before I could question as to how she's actually managed to survive in that forest for over a day, let alone weeks or months on end, a sudden and rather loud crash startled all of us. 'The fuck was that?'

"Spike!" Well that answers my question. 'Nice going, Flynn Rider.'

"Uh, sorry." Comes the dragons sheepish reply. Shaking her head in annoyance, Twilight turns back to Applejack.

"The Everfree Forest just ain't natural. The plants grow..." 'Uh huh.'

"Animals care for themselves..." 'Oh yea?.'

"And the clouds move..." 'Really? No shit.'

"All on their own!" 'This, ladies and gentlemen, is called: Motherfucking Nature.' Upon hearing such dreadful and unpleasant facts coming to light, Rarity faints once more 'How does she ev- no, fuck it. I don't care.'

"And that wicked enchantress Zecora lives there doing her evil... stuff! She's so evil, I even wrote a song about her!" 'Oh please no.'

"Here we go..." Groans Rainbow, already knowing what Pinkie was about to do. 'God, why hast thou forsaken me?'

"~She's an evil enchantress,
She does evil dances,
And if you look deep in her eyes,
She'll put you in trances,
Then what will she do?
She'll mix up an evil brew,
Then she'll gobble you up,
In a big tasty stew,
Soooo...Watch out!~" 'Am I dead yet?'

Moving away from the wall that had been my foreheads new best friend during the duration of that song, I move to stand beside Twilight, who looked just about as bewildered as one might expect in this situation.

"Wow. Catchy." 'Not the word I'd use, honestly.'

"It's a work in progress." Smiles Pinkie, looking rather pleased with herself. I'm still wondering whether Pinkie is insane, on drugs 24/7, or a filly trapped in the body of a mare. Probably all of the above, and more. 'Still, she's adorable when she wants to be, the pink psychopath.' Taking one last look at Zecora, Twilight begins to move, pacing around her friends.

"This is all just a lot of gossip and rumours." Stopping in the middle of the room, Twilight looks to each of our friends in turn. "Now tell me; what exactly have you actuallyseen Zecora do?"

"Kicked a puppy? Burnt an orphanage? You know, actual evil things?" I add, coming to stand beside the unicorn, awaiting their responses.

"Well... Once a month, she comes into Ponyville." Rainbow begins.

"Oooooh."
"Spooky." Nothing wrong with that.

"Then, she lurks by the stores!" Rarity's up next, throwing in her two bits.

"Oh my."
"She lurks by the stores? The horror!" I still couldn't see anything wrong with the zebra so far.

"And then, she digs at the ground." Fluttershy is the last of the mares to go.

"Good gracious!"
"Oh my god she digs at the ground!? The monster!" That was it. That's all they've got. As it stands, they were just being xenophobic, which I honestly couldn't fathom them being. They'd accepted me, as far as I could tell, and apart from Rainbow putting me on my arse during our first meeting, they'd not once tried to run me out of town at all. 'Though to be fair, I did get some questioning looks during the first few weeks, but they've stopped... I think?'

"Okay, I'm sorry. But how is any of this bad? Maybe she comes to town to visit?" Twilight reasons, to which I find myself agreeing with.

"Yeah! Maybe she's just tryin' to be neighbourly." Applebloom adds, coming to stand beside me. 'Well would you look at that. A filly half their age can think more logically than half of them combined.'

"And maybe she's not lurking by the stores, maybe she'sgoingto them, lurk free, to do some shopping?"

"Yeah! Everypony likes to shop. Ya' know what ah' think-"

"Apple Bloom! Hush and let the big ponies talk." Applejack interrupts, coming to stand in front of Twilight and me. Moving away from us, Applebloom scowls at her older sister behind her back.

"Iama big pony!" She pouts, now standing near the door. Seeing as how Twilight and the rest of the girls were now discussing the girls reasoning behind Zecora's apparent 'evilness', I move away from the group and towards Applebloom, sitting against the wall next to her.

"You alright, kid?" I ask, noticing how miffed she seemed.

"Applejack never takes me seriously. Ah'm a big girl now, but she still treats me like ah'm a lil' filly." She whines, pawing at the ground in a frustrated manner. 'But you are a filly, though. I don't know how old you are in human years, but I'd still say in between 9-12 years old.'

"That's siblings for you. Especially the elder ones. They'll treat you like a child and that they know best, no matter how old you are, but they'll always have your back. Well, 9 out of 10, maybe." Taking in what I'd just said, Applebloom looks once more to her sister, who was still conversing with Twilight and the others, before turning back to me.

"Do ya' have any sisters or brothers, Mr Greyson?" This question came as a surprise, as I'd not thought about those I'd considered family for a while. 'Wonder how they're all doing these days...'

"Uhh...A few, yes. It's complicated." I answer, though she seems to have been expecting more from me. Before she could question me any further, I'm saved by Twilight, whose voice is suddenly heard over the rest of the mares.

"And if anypony here were actually brave enough to approach her, she would find out the truth." This seems to light a fire in Applebloom, whose eyes suddenly narrow in determination.

"Well, I'm brave enough. I'm gonna find out myself." Turning to the door, she takes only a few steps before I stop her, shushing her before she could protest.

"You got a right pair on you, kid, I'll give you that, but I doubt your sister would appreciate you going off on your own. Especially into that hellhole of a forest." Eyebrows furrowing, she opens her mouth to argue, before I signal for her to remain silent. "Can you let me finish?" She nods. "Good. As I was saying, your sister wouldn't want you going in alone-"

"But ah'm a big po-" 'KID!'

"Can.I.Finish.My.Sentence.Please?"

"..." 'That's what I thought.'

"Alright, third time's the charm. So, your sister wouldn't want you going in alone. So It's a good thing I'm coming with you." I say, thankful that I'd finally managed to say what I'd been trying to say. Applebloom seemed confused by what I'd said, though this only lasted for a moment before her eyes lit up in realisation.

"Ya' sayin' your gonna come with me?" 'Did I not just say those exact words?'

"No, I'm just gonna sit here and wait for some other handsome human to just waltz into town and escort you into Disneyland over there."

"Ya' sure are funny, Mr Greyson." Giggles Applebloom, seemingly unfazed by my blatant sarcasm. Turning to the door, she makes her way out into the streets, myself following close behind. 'I'm willingly going back into that fuckfest of a forest, with the added responsibility of taking care of a child. Am I fucking insane? Wait, I'm in a world of magical ponies. Of goddamn course I am.'

Somehow, both myself and Applebloom had managed to sneak out of both Sugarcube Corner and Ponyville easily enough, though there were a few close calls with Zecora looking over her shoulder every now and again. Thankfully, I was smart enough to keep my distance, hiding behind trees and only moving when she wasn't looking, like the good stalker I'd become. Applebloom on the other hand had decided to go the complete Ezio route of jumping into every bush that the forest had to offer, somehow not being heard in the process. 'Sneaky little devil.'

We'd only been in the forest for a few minutes before we came across something interesting. The last time I was here, I hadn't bothered to take in much detail about the forest itself, as I didn't think I'd be here long enough to care. Now, however, seeing as how I was stuck here permanently, I was starting to catalogue what the forest had to offer, wondering if the plants growing inside the forest were similar to the ones back on Earth.

To that end, the large patch of blue flowers that we'd just come across struck me as peculiar. 'I swear I've seen these things before.... Are these Deathbells? The fuck is this? Skyrim?' Ignoring the flowers for now, I look up to see Zecora walking deeper into the forest, leaving both myself and Applebloom some distance away. Not wanting to lose the zebra, I tell the filly that we need to hurry up so as not to be left behind. Before the pair of us can press forwards, however, we freeze upon hearing a familiar voice.

And boy oh boy, did Applejack not sound happy.

"Applebloom! Alexander! You get back here right now!" 'Oh fuck, she used my first name in its entirety. That's the first sign a woman is pissed.' Unsurprisingly, Applejacks shouting didn't just get both mine and Applebloom's attention. It also got Zecora's, who turned to face all of us. I still couldn't see her face under that cloak, but I'd hazard a guess that by the way her head tilted when she looked at me meant that she'd never seen a human before. Her confusion only lasted a moment, before she took her eyes off of me and to the ponies behind me, and then to the patch of flowers in front of me.

"Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!" Came the foreboding voice of the zebra mare. 'So the zebra, which on Earth comes from Africa, coincidentally has an African accent, and is feared and disliked by all the ponies in Ponyville. I'm sensing just a bit of racism here, kids. But let's not focus on that; what's up with these flowers?' Seeing as how past experience with this forest meant that more or less everything in it could probably kill me, I.E Cliffs, lion-scorpion hybrids, evil megalomaniacs hellbent on eternal night, just to name a few, I step away from the flowers. 'Better safe than sorry.'

"Y-ya' keep your creepy mumbo-jumbo to yourself, ya' hear?" Applejack cries, running up to and placing Applebloom on her back, keeping her eyes fixed on the zebra. Along with Applejack, the rest of the ponies, minus Twilight, began to shout after Zecora as well. 'Why is Pinkie still singing that godawful song?' Realising that questioning the constantly hyperactive pony would only get me a trip to the psychiatric ward, which is probably her home away from home, I move to stand beside Twilight. Looking over towards Zecora, who was one again eyeing me up, I take notice of the sudden fog rolling in around her, her figure disappearing into the fog.

"Beware! Beware!" Is all I hear from her, before she finally vanishes from view, no trace of her being left except for her ominous warning. 'I should probably get away from these flowers...'

"Yeah, back at you, Zecora! You and your lame curse are the ones who better beware!" Rainbow shouts out towards the fog, flying through the patch of flowers and shaking a hoof towards the general direction where Zecora was last seen.

"And you!" Applejack turns her attention to her little sister, looking her in the eyes. "Why couldn't ya' just listen to yer' big sister?"

"I-I-" Unable to look her sister in the eye, Applebloom looks to me for assistance. 'Fine, I guess this was my fault in a way.' Just as I'm about to come to the aid of the filly, Twilight places her hoof on my side, shaking her head. Sighing, I step back and allow Applejack to carry on with her admonition.

"Who knows what kind of nasty curse Zecora could have just put on ya'?" She continues, still giving her the same disapproving look. 'Actually, go ahead. Keep focusing on the zebra and not this idiot who could have gotten both himself and your sister eaten. I'm perfectly fine with that.'

"Just like in my song!" 'Oh please god not again with the fucking singi-oh and she's off.'

"You guys, there's no such thing as curses!" Twilight points out, much to both mine and the girls' surprise. 'Bullshit, Sparky.'

"Hold up a second. You're telling me, that in a world of magical ponies, dragons and all this Narnian bollocks, you don't have curses? Seriously? What half arsed magical land is this?"

"Yeah! That'sinteresting to hear coming from Miss Magic Pants herself." Concurs Rainbow, flying over to Twilight and poking her on the horn, much to her discomfort.

"My magic,realmagic, comes from within. It's a skill you're born with." Twilight begins to explain, myself and the girls listening intently. "Curses are artificial, fake magic. It's-"

"So curses are real!" I remark, chuckling at the mares evident displeasure at being interrupted mid-explanation. 'Suck it up, Sparkles.'

"If you'd let me finish, Alex, I'd be able to tell you that curses are conjured with potions and incantations; all smoke and mirrors meant to scare. But curses have no real power, they're just an old pony tale." The unicorn finishes, looking quite pleased with her explanation. Unsurprisingly, the rest of the girls weren't as believing as she may have hoped they'd be, walking away from the mare before she'd even finished.

"Just ya' wait, Twilight. Yah' gonna learn that some pony tales really are true." Prognosticated the apple farmer, moving to follow the rest of the girls out of the forest. Watching as her friends left the forest, Twilight sighs, before moving to follow them, myself following alongside her.

"You believe me, right Greyson?" Twilight suddenly asks. I shrug.

"Well you know a whole lot more about magic than I do, Sparky, so I guess I'll take your word for it." I answer, casually kicking at one of the many blue flowers around us. Satisfied with my answer, Twilight smiles, before continuing onwards, happy that at least someone agreed with her. Exiting the forest, we find Applejack waiting for us, Applebloom giving me an apologetic look. 'I'm gonna guess that she's told on me.'

"Don't be thinkin' ya' gettin' of the hook that easy, Alexander." 'Oh fuck, I know that look.'

"Yea, well, a man can dream, can't he?"

Unsurprisingly, Applejack was not to pleased with how I'd willingly let her sister go off into the Everfree Forest, alone or not, without consulting her first. As punishment for my lapse in judgement, I'd agreed to help Applejack and her family out on the farm. Now, that was already my temporary job already, so it may not have seemed that bad at first glance.

But keep in mind that I only helped out with one of the Apple's on one field at a time, my height allowing me to pluck the apples out of the trees and into the baskets, and that on its own already left me with a few sore limbs at the end of the morning. So imagine how it would feel to be doing multiple fields for the rest of the day.

If it weren't for the spa that Ponyville has, I'm positive my body would have just given me the finger and shut down for the remainder of the next decade.

"Mate, my back is in clip. Note to self: never be influenced by adorable fillies ever again." I groan, announcing my presence as I make my way into the main part of the library, wincing in pai-"What in the fuck happened in here?" I exclaim, noticing how the room looked as if a hurricane had blown straight through it. Books were strewn all over the place, and Twilight was trying rather inconspicuously to hide her horn for whatever reason. 'You good?'

"Morning, Alex. How's your back?" Spike says, turning away from Twilight and towards me.

"Like someone took a sledgehammer, rammed it into my back, and then threw rocks at it for good measure." I reply, before looking to Twilight, who was trying, yet failing, to look busy. "Hey Sparky, know any spells to fix my back?" I ask, trying to get a good look at whatever it was she was hiding, though she kept turning away from me.

"Uh..bit busy, Alex. Maybe...sleeping it off? Yea, that sounds good!" She replies, the joviality in her force blatantly fake.

"Sweetheart, it's my back that's fucked, not my sleeping schedule. What are you trying to hide?"

"Promise....Promise you won't laugh?"

"Depends on what you're about to show me, but I'll try my be-PFFT HAHA!" Much to her displeasure, and back pains temporarily forgotten, I collapse to the floor in a heap, my sides in perhaps more pain than my back could ever be. 'MATE! HER HORN! HER FUCKING HORN! I'M DEAD!' Somehow, someway, Twilight's horn had decided to give up on life, developing blue spots and flopping about her head, lifeless and useless. To be honest, the sight amused me to no end. Groaning in exasperation, Twilight turns once more to Spike, trying to ignore my laughing in the background.

"How about this one?" Spike asks, holding a book up for Twilight to see. Inspecting the cover, Twilight shakes her head, her horn flopping about once more, sending me into another fit of laughter. 'Where's her camera! Where is i-THERE!'

"Supernaturals"? Spike, the word supernatural refers to things like ghosts and spirits and zombies, which are as make-believe as curses. This book is just a bunch of hooey!" 'Right, turn around, Sparky...'

"But what if you're wrong, Twilight? What if this really is a-"

"Ah pfurse!" 'WHAT THE FUCK?' I was so startled by Pinkie's sudden appearance right beside me that, by reflex, I ended up snapping a picture. Thankfully, Twilight was just as startled as I was, and so ended up turning around just at the exact moment that the camera went off, though she somehow didn't notice the flash.

"A purse? How could it be a purse?" 'Right, come here, camera. You're staying right here with me where you'll be nice and safe.'

"Pinkie? What happened?" Twilight asks, taking in the sorry sight that was Pinkie's tongue. Following her gaze, I notice how both Pinkie's tongue and Twilight's horn were alike. Both had developed the same brand of blue spots, and both were seemingly unusable.

"Pee pah Zthecora! Sthe put a cursthe on me!" Pinkie says, saliva going everywhere. 'Oh lovely, now I got ADH-Pinkie. Cheers for that.'

"Hey! Say it, don't spray it, Pinkie!" Complains Spike, holding his hands up to protect his face from the secretions of Pinkie's mouth. Out of nowhere, a loud bang is heard from behind us, coming from the window. Turning around, we all see Rainbow crashing into the window.

"Has she forgotten how doors work?" I remark, moving towards the door. Gripping the handle, I'm suddenly met with a forceful impact to me chest, a mixture of wood and rainbow sending me flying backwards. Landing in a heap on the ground, I'm left dazed and confused as to what had just happened, though one prevalent thing came to mind. 'Did that just fix my back?'

It did. I felt no pain in my back any longer. 'Cheers Skittles, though you still owe us a fucking door.' Sheepishly grinning at me, Rainbow jumps off of my chest and into the wall, bouncing off of it like a rag doll.

"What I was trying to say was; Zecora's slapped us all with a curse!" Rainbow exclaims, before crashing into a chair. 'Right, so Twilight's got erectile dysfunction, Pinkie can't talk like a normal person, and Rainbow thinks she's a terrorist. Anyone else?'

"I'm afraid I have to agree." Comes a voice from what remained of the doorway. Sitting up from where I was, I fall backwards, laughing my ass of once more at the sights before me. 'Right, sick, this is brilliant. This Zecora is my new best friend! This shit is priceless!' The rest of the girls were not as amused as I was, as most of them were glaring daggers at me.

"Ah' hate to say I told ya' so, Twilight, but ah' told ya' so!" Squeaked Applejack, standing on top of her little bigger sisters back. "It's a curse, ah' tells ya!" Looking bewildered at her friends, Twilight's face morphs into one of confusion, as she looks to her friends, and then to me, and finally onto Fluttershy.

"But Fluttershy... seems just fine!" The unicorn points out. Sitting up, I see that she was, in fact, correct. There was nothing wrong with Fluttershy at all. That is, until, I realised she was refusing to speak, instead nodding or shaking her head to Twilight's questions. 'Is she like Pinkie, then?'

"Good gravy, girl! What's wrong with ya'?!" Applejack says, her squeaky voice both cute and not intimidating whatsoever.

"I don't want to talk about it." Fluttershy said, her affliction becoming obvious the moment she spoke. Her once soft, quiet voice had changed into what I could describe as ''I'M IN HEAVEN!'

"OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!" I cry, gripping onto my sides and collapsing onto the floor once more, this time joined by Spike.

"This is hilarious! Look at all of you! We got: Hairity, Rainbow Crash, Spitty Pie, Apple Teeny, Flutterguy, and... uh..." He pauses on Twilight, unable to think of a nickname for her. "I got nothin'... Twilight Sparkle. I mean seriously, I can't even work with that." '

"How about 'Dickhead'?" I remark. Whilst myself, Spike and Rainbow were busy laughing our collectives asses of, Fluttershy, Rarity and Applejack were silently chuckling away to themselves, and Twilight was as red as a tomato, Applebloom looked confused.

"What's that mean?" 'Yea, like hell am I explaining this to a child.'

"I'll tell you when you're older, kid."

"But-" 'No. Just no.'

"When you're older." I repeat. Though slightly annoyed, Applebloom drops the subject, thank the lord. Composing herself, Twilight is now looking to me with the same expression that she held when she looked at Fluttershy.

"Wait, what about you, Alex? You're definitely yourself." Twilight remarks, looking me up and down. Realising that Twilight was onto something, the rest of the girls step closer towards me, trying to see if there was anything wrong with me. Standing up from where I'd been sitting/dying-of-laughter for the past few minutes, I shrug. 'I feel fine, sound fine and look very fine indeed. I'm sorted.'

"Well I'm just that good at being curse-resistant, apparently." This gets a frustrated sigh out of Twilight, who shakes her head in annoyance, the sight of her floppy horn forcing another chuckle out of me. 'This shit'll never get old. And I have that picture for when she sorts herself out! Gonna send it to everyone I know.'

"But it's not a curse!" Turning to Spike, she gestures to the bookshelves. "Spike, start looking for more books so I can find a cure!" Groaning in frustration, Spike heads over to one of the many bookshelves in the library. Turning back to the rest of us, Twilight's about to speak once more, before Rainbow decides to interrupt her, flying above the rest of us and almost crashing into me. Again.

"I think we'll find a cure to this curse at Zecora's place!" She exclaims, the girls nodding their heads in agreement.

"It's not a curse!" Twilight reiterates, turning on Rainbow so quickly that it startles the pegasus, sending her flying backwards into the wall. I'm not sure my sides can survive much more, but at least I'd die happy.

"Ah' agree with Dash! We'll go to Zecora's and force her to remove this hex!"

"It's not a hex either!" Twilight exclaims, the rest of the girls beginning to shout over each other, Twilight trying to convince them that curses still didn't exist whilst the rest of them blamed Zecora. Suddenly, something that had been said by Zecora came into my mind. 'Beware, beware you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!' 'Leaves of blue....The flowers!'

"Oi, girls," I shout, the girls becoming silent and turning towards me, "remember those flowers from yesterd-"

"Hold on big guy, where's Applejack?" Rainbow interrupts, looking around the room for the mini apple farmer.

"I don't know, Skittles. Oh! Maybe she's taken a vacation to the lands of Let-Me-Finish-Speaking?"

"Apple Bloom is gone too!"

"I'm not gonna be able to finish speaking now, am I?"

"I bet they went after Zecora!" 'Guess not.'

Just as we were all about to venture forth towards the forest, I make my way over to Spike, who had already occupied himself with looking for a cure. Looking to Twilight, satisfied that she hadn't noticed what it was I was doing, I crouch down next to the dragon. 'This'll be good...'

"Hey Spike, mate. Do me a favour?" I ask, getting his attention.

"Oh, hey Alex. What do you need?" Pulling out the picture that I'd taken a few minutes ago, with a few added words just under it, I hand it to him, throwing my hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"Mind sending this to Celestia? It'll be hilarious, mate." I ask, chuckling ever so quietly. Nodding, he looks around to make sure nobody else was looking, and then quickly breaths fire over it, the picture vanishing out of his hands. Thanking the dragon, I make my way back over to the group, the girls none the wiser. 'Payback's a bitch.'

After realising that both the apple sisters had up and vanished, the belief was that the pair had gone after Zecora. Seeing as how we had no better plan, all of us (except Spike, who had remained behind on Twilight's orders to continue looking for a cure) went of towards the Everfree Forest, searching for our missing friends. Eventually, our search led us to what must have been Zecora's home. A hut in the middle of the forest, adorned with figurines, figurines which looked like they'd come straight from an African tribe.

"Where the fuck's Rainbow?" I say, noticing how the egotistical pegasus had, like Applejack and Applebloom, who we'd yet to find, had vanished as well. Seeing as how the rest of the girls were still focusing on what lay ahead of us, I shrug. 'Oh by all means, girls, lets just ignore the fact that another one of our friends has disappeared into Satan's fucking garden, possibly never to be seen again.'

"Oh, I look horrible!" 'And she's at it again, for like, the 50th fucking time.'

"Plis place plooks horrible!" Pinkie says, looking to Zecora's home and lifting up Rarity's mane to allow the white unicorn to take in her surroundings, much to her displeasure.

"Oh my, that place really does look horrible!" She agrees, all of us making our way to the huts window. Peaking inside, the evidence beings to build up in the girl's favour. "Nice decorations, if you like creepy!" Suddenly, Zecora comes into view, making her way to the large, bubbling cauldron in the centre of the room with what appeared to be some sort of container in her mouth. Tilting her head, the contents drop into the cauldron, before she begins to speak in what I could only guess to be her native language. 'Sounds African to me.'

"Sthe sthtole my sthong! Shthe shtole my sthongg!" Pinkie cries, jumping away from the window and pointing towards Zecora. 'She stole your...thong? The fuck?'

"She stole your song?" 'That sounds better, but my point stands: What the fuck?'

"Oh Pinkie, that doesn't sound anything like your song." Twilight says, though the look that Pinkie gave her says otherwise, as she tries to repeat her song once more. Unfortunately for her, and fortunately for the rest of us, she's unable to do so, as her tongue prevents her from doing so. She gets around this dilemma by coaxing Fluttershy into singing it for her, much to my amusement. 'I wonder if that camera can record...probably not.'

"You saw those terrible things. Now do you believe us Twilight?" Rarity asks, the rest of the girls coming to stand nearer to her, waiting for her response. Looking to them, then to me, and finally inside the house, she sighs.

"Scary looking masks, confusing incantations, and a great big bubbling cauldron? Everything is pointing to Zecora being...bad." She admits, the girls nodding in agreement. "Or... what if Zecora is just making soup?" Twilight proposes, eliciting looks of disbelief from her friends. As for me personally, I was trying to piece together whether Zecora truly was evil or not.

"Y'know girls, everything in there points to her being bad, sure. But at the same time, maybe it's just part of her culture? I mean, I didn't really study these kind of things, but I know that back home, indigenous people used masks and totems like these as a sign of respect to their Gods, and all that stuff." I say, looking through the window once more, just in time to see Zecora sample whatever it was that she was mixing together. "Maybe she's alright? Misunderstood, even?"

"The perfect temperature for ponies, I presume." 'Or not...?'

"Oh...Erm, maybe she's cooking for two?" The rest of the girls didn't look to sure with that, and neither did I for that matter.

"Now where is that little Applebloom?" 'WELL ALRIGHT THEN! THAT'S JUST GRAND!'

"Alright, fine, fuck it all." I sigh, rushing to the front door, quickly followed by the rest of the girls. Just as I'm about to Leonidas the door, however, I hear shouting coming from behind me. Turning around, I spot both Applejack and Rainbow, the former riding on the latter's back. In any other circumstance, I'd probably be cracking jokes on how kinky this looked.

My attention, however, was more on how Rainbow was speeding towards me, and didn't seem to have any intentions on stopping any time soon.

"DON'T YOU FUCKI-" For the second time that day, and by the same person, I was sent flying backwards, this time though a door, and into Zecora's home, landing in a heap. Sitting up from where I'd been lain out, I take in the scene before me. Like the library this morning, the house was in tatters, courtesy of one cowgirl ridden pegasus.

"No! You know not what you do! You've gone and spilled my precious brew!" Exclaims Zecora, staring at what remained of her cauldron, its contents spilled all over the floor. Deciding to stay on the floor for now, the pain in my chest still prevalent, I pull myself over towards the wall, leaning against it for support. ""Rainbow...Do...You have...A Fucking...Problem...With me?" I growl, glaring at the back of Rainbow's head. She either ignored me, or was to busy focusing on Zecora, along with the other mares.

"We're onto you Zecora." Comes an accusatory Twilight, herself and the girls standing in a line and looking to Zecora, who looked rather...confused, to say the least. "I didn't want to believe that you cursed us, but the evidence is overwhelming!"

"You made me look ridiculous."

"You made me sound ridiculous!"

"You made me spheak ridiculoush!"

"You ruined my horn!"

"You...haven't actually done anything to me, exactly, but uhh...fuck you anyway!"

"How dare you!" Cries an outraged Zecora. "You destroy my home, destroy my work. Then rudely accuse me of being a jerk?"

"You put this curse on us, now you're gonna un-curse us!" Demands Rainbow, looking just about ready to charge at the zebra. This only further infuriates Zecora, who steps forward towards the girls, who recoil in fear. Seeing as how a fight may just be about to break out, I rise to my feet, ready to intervene if needed.

"It is unwise to venture down this road. Your actions will make my anger explode!" The zebra warns, staring down the five ponies before her. Meeting her glare, Twilight steps forward.

"Where is Apple Bloom!?" She growls, putting her head against Zecora's, in what I could only assume to be the prelude to a fight. I'm about to get inbetween them, when a familiar voice stops me.

"Zecora! I think ah' found all the things ya' asked for." Applebloom says, appearing in what remained of the doorway. "What in Ponyville is goin' on here?!" She exclaims, seeing the trashed remains of Zecora's front room.

"Apple Bloom! Yer' okay!" Cries Applejack, seeing her sister safe and sound, still latched onto Zecora's ear.

"Why wouldn't ah' be?"

"Because Zecora is an evil enchantress who cursed us and was gonna cook you up into soup!" Twilight explains, moving to stand in front of Applebloom, shielding her from Zecora. Hearing this, both Zecora and Applebloom laugh.

"Oh Twilight. Did those silly fillies finally get in yer' head? Ya' know there's no such thing as a curse." 'I wonder whose said that before...Oh wait! Sparky did! The irony!'

"Apple Bloom, sweetie, you can't just stand there and tell me this isn't a curse!" Twilight says, gesturing to her friends and their various afflictions.

"This isn't a curse." 'OH SNAP!'

"If you will remember back, the words I spoke were quite exact." Hearing this, what Zecora had said yesterday once again sprung into mind.

"It was a warnin'. About that blue plant. It's called Poison Joke." Applebloom adds, confirming my suspicions as to what had really caused the girls such headache. Literally, in Twilight's case.

"That plant is much like poison oak. But its results are like a joke." Zecora says, laughing at what the plants had done to the ponies in front of her. To be fair, I don't blame her.

"...What in the hay does that mean?" Applejack cries, unable to discern just what it was Zecora was telling them. To be fair, it was a challenge keeping up with her constant rhyming, but I was able to perfectly figure out just what it was she was implying.

"It means this plant does not breed wrath. Instead this plant just wants a laugh." 'Pinkie and Rainbow would probably kill to have these in their pranking inventory. That is, if they don't kill Zecora first.'

"...Will somepony please talk normal?"

"It means, AJ, that it wasn't Zecora that's done this to you all, but rather those blue plants from yesterday. Y'know? The ones she warned us about? Ringing any bells?" I explain. Hearing this, her eyes widen in realisation, along with the rest of the girls.

"Alex is right!" 'Don't sound so surprised, Sparky.' "What she's saying is that when we ran in to save Apple Bloom, we ran into the poison joke! All our problems are just little jokes it played on us!" 'Someone get this mare a prize!'

"Little jokes?! Very funny." Applejack drily remarks, the humour completely lost on her.

"Okay, fine. But what about the cauldron?"

"And the chanting?"

"And the creepy décor?" Looking to Rarity, Zecora smiles.

"Treasures of the native land where I am from. This one speaks 'hello', and this, 'welcome'." She explains, gesturing respectively to a pair of her many icons. Rarity was not impressed.

"Not welcoming at all, if you ask me." Ignoring her remark, Zecora moves to stand beside Applebloom, turning her attention to Fluttershy.

"The words I chanted were from olden times." She explains, before looking over towards Twilight. "Something you call a 'nursery rhyme'." 'Does she always speak in rhyme? Must get boring from time to time...Oh fuck, it's spreading.'

"But the cauldron... The Apple Bloom soup?" Twilight goes on, still not fully convinced of Zecora's innocence. Instead of the zebra explaining just what the cauldron's purpose was for, it was Applebloom herself.

"Lookie here, Twilight. That pot of water wasn't for me, it was for all these herbal ingredients. The cure for poison joke is a simple old-natural remedy. Ya' just gotta take a bubble bath!" Applebloom explains, leading her to one of Zecora's books, miraculously untouched by the devastation that had been caused only a few minutes ago. Looking over the page, it would appear that Applebloom was correct. The page that the book was opened onto perfectly detailed everything she'd just described, complete with a sketch of the cauldron that most likely held the cure.

And the cauldron that Zecora was concocting the cure in had been knocked over, it's contents now seeping into Zecora's carpets. 'Nice one, girls.'

"But I tried to find a cure in all my books and couldn't find anything. What book has this natural remedy?" Twilight asks, unable to comprehend how she, of all ponies, had missed such a simple remedy. Coming to join her, Zecora closes the book, revealing a familiar front cover. 'Wait wait wait...I've seen that book...'

"Here is the book, you see? Sad that you lack it in your library." 'That's the book she called bullshit on! Oh, Sparky, you idiot.'

"Actually, I do have this book," Twilight admits, "but I didn't look inside because the title was so... Weird. Supernaturals: Natural Remedies and Cure-alls That Are Simply Super." 'To be fair, I'd have overlooked the book on the premise that the title is to goddamn long. Plus, it sounds like it was made up by a 7 year old. Simply Super? What is this, KS1 Literature?' Realising that by overlooking this certain book, she'd inadvertently led to Zecora's home being trashed. Understandably, she didn't look to pleased with herself.

"I...I... I'm so sorry, Zecora. I had the answer the whole time, if only I had bothered to look inside." Apologises the downcast unicorn, unable to look the zebra in the eyes. Luckily for her, Zecora doesn't seem to be a vindictive kinda girl.

"Maybe next time you will take a second look, and not judge the cover of the book." She chuckles, looking over the rest of the girls, who, like Twilight, were saddened and ashamed at how far their prejudicial opinions of the zebra had gone. 'Well at least she didn't get knocked the fuck out like I did, when they first met me.'

"Zecora? Would you be kind enough to mix up another batch of the herbal bath?" Twilight asks, giving Zecora a pleading look, the rest of the girls following suit. Smiling, Zecora nods, and the girls let out a collective sigh of relief.

"Mix it up I certainly will. Yet I am missing an herb from Ponyville." 'I wonder why...'

"But whenever Zecora comes to town, all the shops are mysteriously closed." Applebloom remarks. Looking over to us, Twilight smirks.

"I think we can help you with that." Twilight offers, looking over all of us, before her eyes rest on me, narrowing in confusion. "But, hold on a moment. We all ran into the poison joke, and we all suffered changes, right?" The girls nod. "Then why wasn't Alex affected?" She asks, gesturing over towards me. Following her gaze, Zecora's takes on the same look of Twilight, though with the added curiosity of meeting me for the first time.

"I have never before seen a creature like you, so as to why you have remained unaffected, I have no clue." Zecora admits, coming over to examine me. Satisfied that there were no obvious physical changes that she could identify, I rose to my full height, her eyes widening slightly when she noticed just how tall I was compared to the rest of them.

"Well, I have a simple answer: I'm Alexander Greyson, you fools," I announce, half the room rolling their eyes and the other half chuckling at my antics, "and I don't play by your pony rules."

Well would you look at that. I'm a poet and I didn't even know it. 'Jesus, this rhyming shit is contagious.'

"Well I must say, Sparky. Today has been an interesting day." I say, flopping onto the couch, Twilight jumping up to join me.

"I couldn't agree more, Alex. At least we learnt our lesson. That's all that matters, right?"

"Yea, yea, whatever helps you get that silly little letter to Celestia done, Sparky." I smirk, Twilight's cheeks reddening in slight embarrassment.

"T-They're not silly! They're vital to my studies! As Celestia's personal student, It's my-"

"I'm joking, Twily, calm yourself." I say, before my eyes widen ever so slightly. 'Shit, why did I say that? That's what her brother calls her, you idiot!' Thankfully, Twilight didn't notice, as she was to busy grumbling to herself. 'Close call, Alex. Don't let slip that you met her brother, else she'll probably go Guantanomo Bay Interrogator on your arse.' "By the way, how did the spa visit go?" I ask, changing the subject, also giving a wave to Spike who had just entered the room, coming towards us.

"Oh, well, as you can see," she levitates one of her many books, "my horn is back to normal, and so is everypony else. Zecora's recipe was the cure all along! I told you it wasn't a curse!" Comes the cocky unicorn, giving me a triumphant look, to which I roll my eyes at.

"Hardy har, you were right, we were wr-" I'm cut off, however, when Spike suddenly keels over, belching out a wave of flame. Knowing that whenever he does this, it's a letter from her precious princess, Twilight gasps and jumps off of the couch, coming to stand beside Twilight. 'What's the princess wanting this time? To relocate another dragon? Fight off some invasion, perhaps?'

As expected, a scroll appears in his hands, which he promptly opens, before his eyes widen. Unable to stop himself, he drops to the floor, laughing his arse off, as the scroll rolls towards Twilight. 'What's got him in hyst-Oh no...Oh no oh no...' Already knowing exactly what would be in the scroll, I ever so slightly edge towards the open front door, whilst Twilight was busy looking over the scroll. Just before I reached it, however, my hopes are dashed, as the door slams shut, a familiar magical aura coming off of it. 'Aah, fuck.'

"~Alex?~" Comes the rather menacing voice of Twilight. 'Well, it's been fun, but I'm most likely going to die now.'

"~Yeeees?~" I reply, dragging it out for comedic effect, wanting to face my impending annihilation with a smile on my face. Turning around, I come face to face with a rather deranged looking Twilight. 'I'm dead. I'm so dead. I'm certifiably, irrefutably, going to die.'

"~Do you want to explain?~" The scroll hovers over towards me, dropping at my feet. Picking it up, I open it, revealing a short letter from Celestia herself, along with the same photo I had Spike send to her earlier that day.

To my friend Alexander,

You never fail to entertain. Truly, you have made both mine and my sister's day with this. I thank you.

Though I'm positive the same cannot be said for my dear student.

-Princess Celestia.

P.S Luna says hello. Why she can't write her own letter is beyond me.

Finishing with the letter, I take one last look at the photo that came along with it. A picture of a rather bewildered Twilight, her horn drooped over her face with the caption 'Absolute Dickhead' written underneath it. Chuckling one last time, I look back up to Twilight, whose still waiting for an answer. 'Right, play it cool, my man.'

"Well, you see, Sparky, I-" Turning on the spot, I reach for the handle and throw the door open. My freedom is only inches away. Unfortunately for me, it would appear that Twilight was expecting me to make a mad dash for freedom, as she casually grips my legs with her magic and drags me kicking and screaming towards her, the door to freedom agonisingly just out of reach, before she slams it shut. 'FUCK!' Looking to where Spike stood for assistance, my hopes were dashed when I realise that he was nowhere to be seen. "SPIKE YOU TRAITOR!"

"Sorry Alex! You're on your own!" I hear him call from the staircase. 'YOU CUNT!' Turning back to Twilight, I'm not ashamed to admit that I was positively terrified. 'FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFU.'

"I need an adult." I whimper, still being dragged towards the psychotic looking unicorn. Twilight's smile slowly widens, what must have been an entire IKEA stores worth of cushions and pillows appearing behind her. 'Oh I've really fucked myself here.'

"I am an adult." 'Oh...fuck.'

Author's Notes:

I'm not gonna lie, this chapter was a bitch to get done. Not because of writers block or anything, but because of things like school and home. Still, I won't bore you with the details, because I'll probably end up taking another two weeks just to get that story done. Oh well, we got here in the end.

See you in the next chapter, folks! Peace.