Ponyville; Also Known As Jellystone Park

Have you ever been in one of those situations where it all seems hopeless? Like, you're standing in front of a 15 foot wall, yea? And you somehow need to get over it. But there's no ladders, no rope, nothing to help you in your endeavour. Just yourself, and the wall. And you're just standing there, thinking how in the hell you're going to get over this wall, right? And you just have no idea as to how you're going to accomplish this daunting task. Tough break.

Now, add a couple zeros to the height, and replace the wall with an enraged, translucent bear that most likely wants to eat you, and you'll get my situation. Anyone feel like trading?

"Well then. Who would like to tell me what in the fuck it is that I am looking at right now?" I ask out loud, staring straight ahead at the encroaching animal.

"An Ursa Major." Replies Spike, who was now hiding behind Twilight. 'Oh cool, I'm going to get eaten by an...'Ursa Major'. Nice one, Alex.' Suddenly, a dark cloud appeared above the Ursa, letting out a bolt of lightning that struck the bear. Unsurprisingly, it did nothing but further enrage the animal, which let out another roar, this one even louder than the last. Looking to Twilight for an explanation, she shakes her head, and gestures to a trio of ponies currently standing not too far from the three of us. 'I wonder if they've had something to do with this.'

Running towards the three, I realise that whilst I could recognise the two colts from the local school that I'd passed a few times, I had no idea who the unicorn was, who must've been the source for the ineffective lightning strike. 'Doesn't look like she's doing fuck all to the thing, apart from piss it off even more.'

"What's going on?" Cries Twilight, looking to the three for answers. 'What's got Paddington over here so angry?'

"We brought an Ursa to town!" Declares Snips, looking as proud as can be. 'Oh cool.....WAIT WHA-'

"Youwhat!?!"
"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!?"

"Don't worry, the Great and Powerful Trixie will vanquish it." Reassures Snails, looking to the unicorn. 'So that's Trixie, then? Alright, kiddo, what you gonna do?' Drooping her head, she sighs.

"I can't." 'Well aint that just splendid.'

"What?!" The colts cry, shocked at what their apparent saviour was saying.

"Oh, I can't, I never have. No one can vanquish an Ursa Major! I just made the whole story up to make me look better." Admits the fraud, turning to look at the rest of us. Upon seeing me, her eyes widen in both confusion and terror, evidently being unfamiliar with who and what I was. 'Another adoring fan?'

"'How you doin'?" I say, waving at the frozen mare. Shaking her head, she looks me up and down. Opening her mouth, she quickly shuts it again in terror, looking at something behind us. Turning to see what she was looking at, we realise that the Ursa Major had decided to once more makes it's presence known, rising to it's full height and dwarfing the rest of us, letting out another roar. 'Holy shit, we're so dead.'

"Twilight, any ideas?" I ask, nodding my head towards the bear, who was looking down at us. More specifically, down at me, which was terrifying me to no end. 'Fuck off, Yogi, I'm not your goddamn picnic basket.' Nodding, she turns to me, a look of fear on her muzzle

"I have a plan, but I need time." She says, now looking back to the Ursa. Looking between her and it, I have an idea. A stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless. 'If I survive the next five minutes, It'll be a goddamn miracle.'

"You lot," I say, looking to the colts and Trixie, gesturing to the nearby crowd. "Get everypony to safety." Nodding, they gallop towards the crowd. Turning back towards the lavender mare, she's giving me a look of worry.

"What are you doing?" She cautiously asks, fearing for my safety. 'Being a retard?'

"You need time, right?" I grin, cracking my neck. "You'll get your bloody time, and more." And with that, I run towards the bear, ignoring the dozen protesting calls coming my way from Twilight, Spike and the crowd. Snarling at me, the Ursa raises a paw and shoots it down, aiming to crush me. Just before it hits, I dive, rolling away just in time for the paw to slam down into the ground behind me. Now that I had it's undivided attention, I laugh. "Is that all you got, you twat!? I'm not even a quarter of your size and you can't do shit! What you gonna do!?" I shout at the Ursa.

Unfortunately for me, the animal must have a basic understanding of the human language, as my words appear to have enraged the creature even further. Because of this, the Ursa now brings it's entire body to face me, giving the ponies a chance to escape. Now, I just had the problem of being the Ursa's only target, as it was now bearing down on me. "Oh I did not think this through at all." I mutter, turning to run once more.

Running in the opposite direction of my equine friends, I glance over my shoulder, hoping that the Ursa had decided to leave me alone. As it turns out, it hadn't, and was quickly gaining on me. Diving into a nearby alley, I run straight through it, hoping that it's size would deter my pursuer. It did not, as the Ursa simply smashed through the alley, devastating multiple homes. 'I hope to God they were empty.'

Making it out of the alley and back onto the road, I see that I now had only two directions I could run for. Quickly making my decision, I run to the left, only for a massive paw to shoot down onto the road, the force of the impact sending me crashing onto my back.

"FUCK!" I shout, quickly jumping back onto my feet and dashing in the opposite direction. I only made it a few metres, before yet again I was thrown onto my back, as a second paw slams down into the road in front of me, effectively blocking me off from any avenue of escape. 'Oh Jesus H Christ I'm going to die.'

Seeing that I was now trapped with no way out of this little dilemma, I gaze upwards into the eyes of the Ursa Major, who was staring right back down on me, a triumphant look adorning it's face. 'Smug bastard.' Giving me an evil grin, it raises one of it's paws into the air. Realising that it aimed to crush me on the spot, and that there was no way in hell I would be able to move out of the way in time, I cover my head in a futile gesture to weather the oncoming blow...

...which never came. Risking a glance at the Ursa, looking to see why it was that I'd yet to be crushed, I realise that there was actually no Ursa in sight. In fact, there was no Ponyville in sight, either. "What in the fuck?" I mutter, looking over the open fields, absolutely confounded as to how in the hell I'd ended up on this hill. Looking myself over, I quickly make out some sort of magical aura around my arms and hands, just about vanishing from sight moments later. Letting out a sigh of relief, I deduce that it must have been Twilight, who had somehow managed to teleport me out of certain death. "Cheers Sparky, I owe you one." I say out loud.

Suddenly, I'm hit with a rather strong gust of wind, which causes me to stagger backwards. Turning around, I see Ponyville in the distance, with the Ursa towering over most, if not all, of the town. 'Whoa, she teleported me this far out? Damn Sparky, you've outdone yourself.' My mental praise for the lavender Unicorn is cut short, however, when I see that the Ursa was looking down, rather angrily I might add, on something. 'Or somepony.' Seeing that the town was still in danger, I speedily make my way down the hill and towards the town, running as fast as I could towards it.

Arriving to the town in record time, I dash towards where I last saw Twilight and friends. Arriving at the scene, I'm astonished at the sight before me. Twilight, her horn almost bright as the sun itself, only metres away from the Ursa Major. Said Ursa Major was also levitating in the air, with a makeshift milk bottle in it's mouth. 'That would be cute, if the bastard hadn't tried to end me a few minutes ago. Looking around, I noticed that most, if not all of the ponies around me were having the exact same reaction as I was. Amazement. 'Christ, forget about dropping books on me. She could probably drop the entire library on me.'

Straining, Twilight shifted her stance and put more power into her spell, as the Ursa was then taken over the hills and far away, into the Everfree Forest where it would hopefully stay. Now that the immediate danger had been dealt with, the pressure of casting such a powerful spell took its toll on Twilight, who nearly collapsed to the floor, exhausted. Thankfully, she quickly recovers, and returns to her hooves.

Moments later, the entire town erupts into cheering, thankful for both their survival and Twilight's magical capabilities.

"Unbelievable!"
"That was amazing!"
"Heavens to Betsy! We knew you had ability, but not that much!"

Making my way closer towards the crowd, it didn't seem that they'd noticed me yet. Coming only a few metres away from Twilight, Rainbow, Spike, Applejack and Rarity, I listen in on their conversation.

"I'm sorry. Please, please don't hate me." 'You what?'

"Hate you?" Cries Rainbow, Applejack and Rarity, all at the same time.

"Why, whatever do you mean, darling?" Asks Rarity, voicing all of our thoughts.

"Well, I know how much you all hated Trixie's showing off with her magic tricks, and I just thought-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth!" Cries Rainbow Dash. 'Rude, much?'

"Mostunpleasant!" 'Christ, what did she do? Kill a puppy?'

"All hat and no cattle!" 'And also standing right over there?'

"So, you don't mind my magic tricks?" Asks a wary Twilight, unsure if they were speaking the truth. 'Why would they not? You've only just, I don't know, saved their lives?'

"Your magic is a part of who ya' are, sugarcube, and we like who ya' are. We're proud to have such a powerful, talented unicorn as our friend." Comes the apple farmer, reassuring our all-powerful Unicorn friend. 'Well that was...actually well spoken. Huh.'

"And after whuppin' that Ursa's hindquarters, we're even prouder!" 'Aaand that didn't last.'

"You are?" Replies Twilight, shocked at how accepting her friends were being to how vastly overpowered her magic is. 'Not gonna lie, having a near-godlike unicorn as a friend? That would be high up on my priorities. Right under finding good alcohol. Still need to get on that, really.'

"Uh-huh."
"Mm-hmm." 'Happy days, we're all happy. Now what?'

"Wow, Twilight!" Cries Spike, deciding to become a part of the group. "How'd you know what to do with that Ursa Major?"

"That wasn't an Ursa Major. It was a baby, an UrsaMinor." 'YOU FUCKING WHAT!? THAT SON OF A BITCH WAS A BABY!?'. Shaking away his shock at such a revelation, he smiles once more.

"But still, you vanquished it all by yourself!" 'Oh, cheers asshole. Don't mind me.'

"Don't be ridiculous, Spike. I had help. If it wasn't for Greys-" Suddenly, the mare freezes up in horror, looking to her friends and the crowd behind them, most likely scanning for any sign of me. "Where's Greyson!? Has anypony seen Greyson!?" 'Aww, she does care.' Creeping up behind the mare, I lower myself down to the ground, and put my mouth to her ear, ignoring the surprised and relieved stares looks I was getting from the ponies.

"Right behind you." I say, throwing on my best French accent. Startled, the mare falls backwards into me, as I fall onto my back for what must've been the fourth time this evening, holding the mare in my arms and laughing my ass off. Wriggling out of my grasp, the unicorn stands over me, a look of shock on her muzzle which quickly changes into pure happiness and relief. Seconds later, she dives onto me, latching herself to my neck. "How you doin', Sparky?"

"I-I-I-"

"-Am amazingly powerful and capable of levelling the entire town with but a thought? Yup, I heard." I finish for her, pushing myself into a sitting position. "Cheers for teleporting me, by the way. Probably would've died if you hadn't done that." Upon hearing this, the mare removes her head from my shirt and looks at me in confusion. 'Hmm?'

"Teleport? I didn't-" Before she could finish, however, I was forced onto my back yet again. This time because of a rainbow blur throwing itself onto me, quickly followed by an orange and white one to boot. 'Aww yis, the beautiful feeling of asphyxiation has returned. WITH A VENGEANCE!'

"Greyson!" They three mares cry, sharing Twilight's relief at my apparent survival. 'Wow, did everyone think I was dead or something?'

"The one and only, at your service. And, who also can't breathe, by the way." I wheeze. Thankfully, they see that they were on the verge of choking me out, and release me, allowing precious oxygen to once more perform it's complex ritual of Keeping-My-Ass-Alive. Not wanting to be sent careening backwards again, I get to my feet this time, now wary of anymore rugby ponies tackling me to the ground. Looking into the ecstatic faces of the four mares, plus one dragon, around me, I can't help but laugh. "What, did you think I was going to die that easily? Christ, do you even know who you're talking to?"

"Huh. You may have vanquished an Ursa Minor, even with the help of some pet," 'Oh you fucking what, love?' "but you will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" Comes the prideful and gloating voice of Trixie herself, trotting up to both Twilight and myself. Before I could snap back at the bitch, she rears up and slams down on the ground, a thick layer of smoke exploding at her hooves, hiding her from view. Seconds later, the smoke dissipates, and we watch awkwardly as the magician herself gallops away at full speed, retreating from the town. 'Alright Batman, calm down.'

"Why, that little..." Growls Rainbow Dash, shooting into the air. Before she could give chase, however, she's stopped by Twilight.

"Just let her go. Maybe someday she'll learn her lesson." Comes the voice of reason herself. Turning towards the two colts responsible for this whole mess, who were attempting to sneak away, she's not as lenient. "Now, about you two..."

Collapsing onto the Golden Oak's libraries sofa, which I was still calling home for the time being, I look to Twilight. "I just can't trust you lot, can I." I say, leading the mare to look at me in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I leave for a week, and I come back to nearly get eaten by some half-invisible bear made of light and death itself? This town is insane." I joke, getting a laugh out of the mare. "As if I haven't had enough brushes with death this week." I mumble, hopefully going unheard by the unicorn. Feeling a sudden weight land on my stomach, and a shadow standing over me, I realise that I may have said that last part a little bit too loudly. 'Oh here we go.'

"Explain..." She growls, her muzzle inches away from my face. Before I could open my mouth, Spike enters the room.

"Am I..uh...interrupting something?" He says, trying to hide both his laughter and his blush. Now distracted, Twilight is unprepared when I wrap my arms around her and pull her down onto me, letting out a surprised yelp at my sudden action.

"Yea, mate. Twilight here was confessing just how much she truly loves me, and then you came in and ruined the moment. Shame on you, Spike!" I say, laughing alongside the now hysterical dragon. Twilight, for her part, found at least some humour in the situation, if her own laughter was anything to go by.

"Yes, Spike," She says, wrapping her forelegs around neck, rubbing her head against me. "Greyson and I plan on getting married come Spring, and we're going to invite everypony we know.

"Yea, mate. The Princesses, Blueblood, everyone!" I continue, going along with the mischievous mare. Having heard enough, Spike leaves the room, making fake retching sounds as he goes, much to our amusement.

"I think he's a bit jealous, Sparky." I say, letting go of the mare. Seemingly disappointed at the loss of physical contact, she pouts, before quickly smirking.

"He'll be fine. He has his eyes on somepony else. I guess you should say that, she's a bit of a 'Rarity'." She teases, jumping off of me, giggling at her own pun as she does so. Slapping my forehead at how stupid her pun was, I chuckle at the thought. 'The kid has no hope.'

"Lemme get this straight. You're telling me, that Spyro up there, likes Rarity? The most feminine girl I've ever met in my life?" Getting a nod, I can't help but sigh. "Oh the poor, poor fool. He's out of his league."

"I have to agree, but I think he'll probably grow out of it sooner or later. He's only a foal, after all. It's just a passing crush. I'm sure you know how foals can be, sometimes."

"More than you know, Sparkles." I say, thinking back to a few memories of my childhood. 'Oh let's not think too far back, nothing to see here.'

"Well, I think we've had a long day, so I'm going to go to bed. Good night, Greyson." She says, heading towards the stairs. 'Greyson? Hmm... I'll get the group together later, and tell them my name then. Saves doing it one by one.' Nodding to myself, I'm just about to lie back down, before I call out to the mare again.

"Thanks, Sparky." I say, stopping the mare in her tracks as she turns to face me.

"Thanks? What for?"

"For saving my ass, of course. If you hadn't of done that, I'd most likely be a tiny bit dead right now." Hearing this, she looks at me strangely.

"Greyson, I didn't do anything." '....Huh?'

"Y'wot?"

"I said-"

"I heard what you said, Sparky, but I'm questioning what you meant by it, exactly." Now it was her turn to be confused, tilting her head at me in that adorable way of hers.

"Huh?"

"When I was buying you time to do whatever it was you were going to do, I ended up getting cornered. I was literally a second away from being crushed. Before that could happen, though, I somehow find myself on a hill overlooking Ponyville, which must've been around the time when you started working your magic. Literally." Lost in thought, my pun goes right over her head. 'Tough crowd.'

"Perhaps I got so caught up in my spell that I ended up teleporting you somehow?" She suggests, looking back up at me. 'Possible...But, how did she know where I was? She was in the centre of town...'

"Maybe. But what about Rarity? Or that Trixie mare? They're unicorns as well." I say, remembering that Twilight wasn't the only unicorn in Ponyville.

"Both of them were near me when this must have happened, and I don't think either of them have the power to perform such a magically consuming spell that quickly. The only logical explanation, other than you somehow managing to teleport yourself, is that I somehow managed to do so, though I don't remember doing it..." Seeing as how that was the only explanation that made sense, as I seemed to be incapable of performing such magical feats, I agree with her. 'Shame. I'd love to cast spells and all that shit. Would be rather fun.'

"Yea, I guess you're right, Sparky." I say, agreeing with her reasoning.

"I usually am, Greyson." Comes her smug reply, giving me a look that just screamed 'Slap me'. Rolling my eyes, I chuckle.

"You're full of it, sweetheart. G'night, Sparkles." I say, pulling up the blanket that lay on the floor.

"Good night, Greyson." She says, making her way to the stairs. Closing my eyes, I'm already on the verge of falling asleep, when I suddenly feel something wrap around my neck. Opening my eyes once more, I realise that Twilight had thrown herself around my neck again, for whatever reason. 'What's up with her now?'

"I'm happy you're back." She whispers, her muzzle rubbing against my neck. Smiling at this show of affection, I return the hug as best as I could.

"So am I, Sparky. So am I."

Author's Notes:

Alex has cheated death one more, and helped save Ponyville. Not bad, man. And Twilight as well, showing off how OP she is her magical capabilities to both Alex and the town.

Now, with this being my first fanfic, I've already set (and hit) a couple of milestones. 1 like? Check. 100 likes? Check. Not having the fanfic rejected by the mods and actually accepted as a worthy piece of literature by my viewers? Check. But the next big milestone for me? Hitting 10K views. I'm only 660 views away, guys! Love you all!

Until next time, folks! Peace.