"UUUUUUUCK"

I now respected Mario much more for being able to deal with bullshit like this.

"What was that?" Chrysalis seemed rather taken aback at my sudden rage.

"Kyle get's angry sometimes, especially after we've been walking for three hours and he finds out it was totally worthless." Daniel was rather nonchalant, but I was still pretty sure it was just the poker face.

"It doesn't matter anyway. You'll be dead soon, then I can bring my plans to fruition."

"Oh fuck that shit! Listen up beeeeaaatch! I have dealt with waaay too much bullshit today to just let you and your dumb vampire wannabees run around doing evil shit! When I get my hands on you, I'll hold you down while my friend rapes your ass!" I was literally so angry that I couldn't come up with funnuy things to say.

"Dude?!"

"What? I thought you might actually like it, since you're a weirdo."

"Dude, she's all slimy and shit."

"That's what he said."

"You know what? That is absolutely what he said. That is so what he said that I can literally hear him saying it. Bravo good sir, and well played."

"Ahem." The queen was of course in need of attention again. God forbid we have a conversation without her.

"What?" Danny and I spoke as one.

"Are you done?" She asked annoyedly.

"Bitch-to-the-hell-no! I'm just gettin' started on this class five shitstorm." I was still pissed at her for taking Glenn, but at least my weird phrases were back.

"Well, much as I'd love to stick around and chat, I have an invasion to plan. My minions will take care of you." And then she was gone. Without even saying a proper goodbye.

The changelings in the room all turned their creepy eyes on us. I was pretty sure we were about to get screwed, but I wasn't gonna give them an easy time of it. I started trying to count how many there were. after about fifty I just figured there were probably more than enough to maul Danny while I made my escape. I'd probably stay though, I wanted to see if I could go super-saiyan on their asses. That would be awesome.

"Sooo. How's working for the queen?" I figured we might as well take our time with this.

"We would give our lives for the mother!" Said one.

"And in this economy, with all the racial prejudice, we don't really have much choice." Said another one in back.

"Yeah, Ponyville is like the rural south some times. So uh, how are the benefits?"

"Considering there are twenty million of us, the benefits are pretty good."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The queen takes good care of her chidren."

"Define good. She did just leave you with a guy who can destroy solid wood doors with his fists."

"Ha! there are too many of us for you to beat! you can't win!"

"Maybe not, but a lot of you are going to explode before we go down. Still, I guess you could consider it a compliment from her, she obviously doesn't play favorites with any of her children."

"Hmm. I suppose we'll just have to kill you quickly then."

"I guess you can try."

And try they did. The changelings swarmed at us like a wave of black, But they would never reach us. Instead, a golden explosion of light pulsed out and disintigrated the mass of changelings, and out of this light, a silhouette of a massive figure holding a staff appeared.

"Dude, what is that?" Daniel was officially surprised. Which was a rare occurence.

"Oh no. It can't be. We already have too much going on for this to be happening. This is gonna piss a lot of pe-ponies, off."

"Who is it? Is it God?"

"If you ask him, he'll probably say yes, but no, he isn't." I already thought I knew who it was. One does not simply own a chaos marine codex and forget the hero characters.

"Then what is it?"

"It's probably Ahriman." I said sadly. If there was ever a character I wanted to come to Equestria, it would have been an Eldar harlequin. Just so I could introduce it to Pinkie and watch the hilarity ensue.

"The god of that weird religion that starts with a z?"

"Not that one, and I think it's Zoroastrianism or something like that."

"Then what Ahriman are you talking about?"

"You never heard of Warhammer 40k?"

"No. I devote my time to important things, like youtube videos."

"Okay, imagine a super-human master chief style guy with Twilight Sparkle level information hunger and near deity level pschic abilities. Then imagine he's been at it for about ten thousand years instead of like seventeen. This guy has magic coming out of his asshole like shit. He can rip squads apart just by looking at them funny, and he's got a grenade launcher pistol thing."

"Sounds like a pretty OP guy."

"Hah! you should see Horus, guy's pure bullshit on stats."

While we were doing our usual weird nerd banter, a certain huge fucker was finishing his weird phasey thingy into this dimension. He was thrown to his hands and knees by the teleport, but he didn't seem to care.

"So how do you think he ended up here?" Daniel asked annoyedly.

"Probably a webway gate malfunction, he's looking for the black library."

"The what?"

"Quiet, I think he's about to start explaining things to himself."

"What madness is this? Where has this accursed webway brought me?" Funny, he sounded just like Liam O'brian.

"Dude. how'd you know?"

"Sssshhh. I like my organs where they are thank you."

"What! Who speaks!"

"You just had to open your mouth didn't you ya fucktard?"

"He sounds like Gaara dude."

"Shut up."

"Aha! fools! you can not hide from a psyker!"

"We weren't really trying that hard. Just so you know." Danny was, for once, out of his depth, but he still managed to add his two cents.

"What world am I on? Where did those damned Eldar send me?"

"I think you should be asking yourself what universe you're in, cause it ain't yours." It seemed I was the one who actually knew what was happening, so I took the lead.

"Fine. On what astral plane do I now reside?"

"I have no idea."

"Clearly you are no scholar."

"Not in the slightest, but to be fair, we did just get here yesterday."

"You are not of this universe? Where are you from? I demand that you tell me!"

At this point, I was holding out on the hope that we might just live through this.

"We're from earth."

"Ahh. So you come from holy Terra then." He said holy with a great amount of sarcasm, and I couldn't blame him for it. When you placed your trust in a lie, people tended to get pissed after finding out.

"Not really, it's not the same earth as yours."

"Oh? Who rules it then?"

"A bunch of old stupid guys."

"I see. If this isn't your earth, and it's not my universe, then what is this place?"

"You are currently in Equestria, the name is used in a very vague way, so I have no idea if it's the country, the continent, or the planet, but you are currently in the castle of the royal pony sisters."

"Those terms refer to horses,is there a matriarchal society that worships them?"

"No. Actually, now that you mention it, I suppose it kind of is."

"then take me to them. I would speak with their leader."

"Could be a problem with that. One of their leaders has been stolen."

"Am I supposed to care?"

"That leader is also one of their deities."

"Then it's not much of a god is it?"

"Goddess."

"What?"

"It's a girl, Goddess."

"Don't patronize me, you won't live long."

"I know. Sorry."

"Apology is for the weak."

"Being weak is a preferable alternative to disembowelment for me personally."

"A wise outlook on life. However, I have run short of time to waste. Take me to the nearest town, I would have words with the people there."

"Fine, but be prepared for dissapointment."

"If I am dissapointed, they shall be the ones who must prepare."

------------------------------------------

Two hours and one orgasmic transition later.

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Thankfully, Ahriman wasn't quite the silent, brooding type you'd expect from a ten thousand year old super soldier mage guy who was pushing close to pure evil. He would sometimes ask questions about certain things on the world he was in. Always trying to learn new things and expand his knowledge.

"Is there anything here that could pose a danger? Things are much too quiet."

"A danger to me? Or you?" I was pretty sure he gave about as much thought to us as we would to the microscopic lifeforms we were currently crushing under our shoes/size 36 stompy boots, but a guy can hope right?

"Hah!" his mirthless laugh told me everything I needed to know.

"If we're talking about you, how vulnerable would you be to nine inch talons and fire?"

"I have slain legions of soldiers with a single glance. What do you think?"

"Were they killed all at once, or in total?"

"Does it matter?"

"So in total then."

"What is your point?"

"Well there are dragons here, but the locals can deal with them, so I'm sure you'll be okay."

"These 'locals' you speak of. What are they like?"

"Have you ever read children's books?"

"Yes."

"Well then pic- wait really?" How would I have known that the ten thousand year old, demon worshipping, walking mindfuck actually read children's books?

"All knowledge and books of lore will be known to me."

"Really? Well here's something for the road then." I threw him my pocket bible. We had about five more at home, plus the one on my IPod touch, so it was no skin off my nose.

"What kind of a name is 'Bible'?"

"It's a holy book."

"I see. You are aware that I worship no god?"

"Neither does he." I gestured with my thumb in the general direction of of Daniel, who was currently the odd man out in the things that were going on."

"Yet you travel with him?"

"Sure, life is never boring with him around."

"Have you not attempted to convert him?"

"At this point, I'd have better luck with you."

"Putting trust in 'unknowable beings', has not been advantageous to me in the past."

"I think my religion has injected quite a bit of interest into my otherwise boring life."

"Bah! Religion is only usefull if it serves my purposes."

"You're sounding more and more like Danny all the time. You two should have met a long time ago."

"I have no desire to make new friends here."

"You might like to reconsider, friendship is literally magic here."

"I find that hard to believe."

"You're going to see a lot of things that you won't believe soon."

"You know, you never told me about the native population."

"I know, I've been avoidig the question."

"You are foolishly honest boy."

"If I wasn't, I'd be an untrustworthy asshole instead of just an asshole."

"Deceit is a tool to be used. Like any other."

"So is misdirection."

"Hah! very well done boy, but you will tell me about the humans that live here, or I may have to flay you alive with my mind."

"Well, I believe Daniel is more the scholar on the inhabitants of this world."

"Fine then. He will tell me."

'Not with that attitude he won't.'

"What resides here?"

"Ponies." Danny said simply. Way to break it to him gently.

"I will kill you, then I shall torture your soul until you tell me."

"The inhabitants are ponies. What do you want me to do?"

"You mean to tell me that I am on a planet populated entirely by ponies?"

"Yes."

"That sounds like the product of a strange child's mind."

"It's still true."

"If this place is populated entirely by ponies, then what built the castle?"

"The ponies did."

"Unless these ponies have somehow evolved arms with opposable thumbs, it is completely impossible for them to have created a structure that complex."

"They used magic." Danny was definitely being straightforward about this.

"So they are psykers then?"

"No, only unicorns can use magic."

"Only what can use magic?"

"The unicorns, they use magic."

"So these... unicorns... are psykers?"

"I don't think they're psychic. They just channel magic through their horns."

"What power do they use?"

"Ask Kyle, HE'S the magician."

"Dammit Danny! Now I'm gonna have to explain it!"

"You never said not to tell him."

"Enough! You will tell me how you learned this magic, or I will burn you to ash."

"Fine, but I don't think your powers will work here. Anyway, it's about willpower and focus here. You need to will it to happen. Unfortunately, it only seems to manifest in some humans, a.k.a. me."

"Show me this magic."

"Alright."

I thought about what I should try doing. If I did something simple, he would most certainly be unimpressed, but if I did something too big or complicated, I might kill myself. Might as well use the old teleportation power. I knew I could do it, and it was rather impressive.

"I will not wait forever."

"I'm getting to it."

I quite suddenly dived behind a tree and jumped to a different place on the opposite side of the path. All Ahriman saw was me diving behind a tree.

"I'm still waiting."

"For what?"

Ahriman turned and pulled out his bolt pistol in less than a second. I had about enough time to realize that this was a retarded idea before Ahriman fired.

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Cliffhanger ftw.