"Dude, do you think she gave you a blowjob last night?"

"Literally take your two fingers, and shove them up your asshole Danny."

"Oh come on man, you can't blame me for wanting to know about what you and the greatest DJ that ever existed did after you got married last night."

"Dude, I can absolutely blame you for that, and I do."

"Whoah, watch it, we got a badass over here." Daniel accented his meme reference with obligatory hand raising. As is tradition.

"I drank paint thinner last night, your argument is no longer valid."

"Yeah sure wha-"

"NOT. VALID."

"Are you serio-"

"Notvalid."

"Dude. I ge-"

"Hold up!"

"What? What do you see?"

"I see something in a wheelchair, I think it's your argument. I'm afraid it's become... an invalid." Daniel laughed at that. Like he laughed when those raging twelve year olds tried to insult us at the park. Fuckin' CoD ragin' shit stains the lot of 'em.

After about an hour of what could only loosely be described as walking, we finally reached a familiar looking treehouse, thing. Around which were a veritable buffe- I mean cornucopia (The thing no one uses as Thanksgiving decorations anymore), of wildlife. Cute little bunnies and squirrels frolicked among fields of clover and small wildflowers. It was the type of sight that brought a tear to my eye. To see such unspoiled beauty, such innocent carefree creatures, such amazing miracles of creation, and I just needed a BB gun to make it perfect. No, I could admire the sights later, right now, I had to go get the last of the three stooges.

We both walked up to the house and knocked on the door. It was answered soon after by a pissed off looking rabbit. Angel bunny stared at us with a look of pure hatred and contempt. It looked almost as if it was merely a flesh puppet for the devil himself. I fancied I cloud see the fires of hell in its eyes. I could tell right away that this bunny was going to be my favorite animal here.

"Is Glenn here?" I didn't feel like a staredown with a bunny at the moment, so fuck that.

Angel looked at me questioningly.

"A human like us, about yea high?" I motioned my hand to his general height. As if it mattered. I was pretty sure we were the only three humans here right now.

Angel's eyes narrowed again, and he seemed to be angry about something Glenn did.

"What? Did Glenn do something?"

Angel slowly nodded his head.

"What did he do?"

Angel made a bunch of crazy hand signals that I couldn't for the life of me understand.

*Le Danny gasp* "Glenn stole Fluttershy and took him to his evil lair?"

'Danny, you are trippin' balls on somethin' if you think you can actually understa-'

Angel enthusiastically nodded his head.

'DA FUQ?'

"Did you see which way they went?"

Angel nodded his head and walked out of the house. He motioned for us to follow him and walked around the house. He stopped about midway and pointed towards a path that lead into the forest.

"Thanks, and don't worry, we'll get Fluttershy back." Daniel was apparently the speechman of the group. Which made Glenn the little one, and me the big guy. All we needed was a pegasus marksman with bad luck and a complicated family history and we would be set.

We set off on the dirt path without further delay. I was pretty sure this was a dumb idea, but I was a real Payne when it came to ideas, so fuck it.

"Hey Danny, how'd you know what Angel was miming?"

"I didn't. It was just a guess."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"What made you guess that?"

"Not sure. Just seemed like an interesting plot twist."

"Really?"

"Nah I just read the hand signals."

"How?"

"Years of having to learn to read people like books."

"What do you think Angel really saw? Since you and I both know Glenn wouldn't kidnap Fluttershy, and he doesn't have an evil lair. Unless he somehow constructed it himself with only one arm in less than a day."

"I think Angel saw about jack-shit and is just jumping to conclusions."

"Yep. That sounds like the Pavlov bunny we know and love, or just know."

"Dude, please just leave Friendship is Witchcraft out of this."

"You and I both know Pavlov is best bunny."

"Yeah you're right."

We continued to follow the path through the woods. Until we came to a cliff.

"You recognize that cliff Danny?" I know I did. One did not simply watch the show and forget such major events.

"Yeah, looks a lot like the cliff the mane six fell down in the pilot."

"Actually, it looks exactly like it, because it is."

"Ten bucks I know where were going."

"I don't take bets I know I'll lose."

"How do you think we'll get down?"

"I'm not sure. Give me a moment, and I'm sure something will come to me."

------------------------------------------
Ten minutes later (I like this transition, I think I'll use this one. First one to leave me a comment reminding me gets a moustache.)
------------------------------------------
"Got any ideas yet?" Danny asked annoyedly.

"Yes actually."

"So what are they."

"It's just one actually."

"Better than nothing."

"Okay, here it is. I will use my magic to teleport us down to the ground."

"I take back what I said. That idea is worse than nothing."

"You got anything better?" I snapped.

"How about we go around?"

I looked at the cliff very closely and didn't see any way to get down.

"You feel free to look. I don't feel like walking for hours trying to find a way down."

"Dude, I can't believe It's me giving you the reality check, but you can't use magic."

"Sure I can. I just have to will it to happen."

"If it's about will, then we are well and truly ass-boned. You have the will of Fluttershy."

"Dude it's easy. Just watch."

Without warning, I suddenly dived behind a rock.

"Dude, you are an idiot."

Daniel walked over to the rock and looked behind it. I wasn't there.

"Boo!"

I was totally behind him.

"What the fuck!?" Danny shouted as he turned around and punched me in the face.

After I finished willing my nose to stop bleeding and reform itself into its proper shape, we decided two things. First, that sneaking up on Danny was something that should not be done if one intended to keep all parts of their anatomy, and second, every other idea I had was good, but the ones in between were retarded.

"So you can use magic to teleport, but not to duck faster?"

"Fuck off man, at least I can use magic."

"Doesn't the bible say something about magic being a sin or something?"

"Yeah, but that's because they used spirits and demons or some such weird jujubis. This seems different, and I don't feel an unholy guilt in my soul like I do with other things."

"Did you just compare the summoning of evil spirits to old candy?"

"Are we gonna do this? Or are you gonna pussy out like an old prostitute?"

"Let's do this shit." Danny said epicly.

I jumped us both down a second later. I landed feet first, Danny however, didn't brace himself like I should have told him to, and was promptly thrown on his face.

"Warn me next time asshole!" Danny said as he stood up and shoved me to the ground.

It took me a moment to get back up. Apparently, energy had to come from somewhere, and if you didn't have enough focus, it took energy from you instead. I looked down, and realized I looked a little thinner. This could end up being a viable weight loss option, or a good way to kill myself.

"Yeah,yeah, quit your bitchin' and let's go." I said as I stood back up. It felt like I'd just done sprints around a track, but fatigue like that usually went away after a few minutes, so fuck it.

We continued walking in silence for a while. The forest was eerily silent, but then again so were we. I had been studying the ground for a while, not really studying the forest around us. When I looked up again, I was startled by the first thing I saw. Well, startled was the wrong word, more like scared shitless, but when the first thing you see when looking up is a tree with an evil trollface, reflex kind of takes point. Needless to say, I jumped back and made a surprised sort of yelping noise.

Daniel was rather amused by that, having not given a single fuck upon seing the evil faced tree.

"Maybe this will help you out dude." Danny said as he pulled out his IPod and began playing one of the many remixed versions of Giggle at the Ghosties.

"The thing that would help me out, is gasoline and a box of matches." I then cracked an evil smirk of my own as I imagined these trees burning like a glorious pyre.

Daniel just laughed his characteristic acknowledgement/not actually funny/fuck you laugh.

We made it through the forest without any more trouble. Being in broad daylight severely lessened the shock value of an evil fuckface trolltree forest.

Of course, we soon ran into another problem. The river. It wasn't rushing particularly fast, but five hundred dollars of electronics are not the sort of things you submerge in water. So we didn't exactly have a lot of options that were appealing to Danny. Being that he was the only one who had electronics with him.

"Why don't you leave them here and come back for them later?"

"Because we might not end up coming back this way. Why don't you just use your amazing magic powers to get us over there?"

"Because I don't think I'll be able to keep walking after another burst like that, and I doubt you like the idea of carrying me the rest of the way."

"Then in the immortal words of Dende: we're boned."

"Oh my! what strange creatures! I don't believe I've seen anything like you here before. What brings you here hmm?"

'And here comes the femmy dramatic dragon to save the day. Hopefully.'

"We're trying to save Fluttershy and anther one of our friends, we could use your help crossing the river."

'Just let Danny do the talking. It's worked well so far.'

"Why of course I can help you! Do say hello to Fluttershy for me. hmm?"

"Will do." Daniel said as he began walking on the sea/river dragon thing's back over the river.

We made it across the river without further delay, and the dragon thing went back to doing... whatever it was gay sounding sea dragons did. Probably best I never found out.

We again went back to plodding along in silence, and we eventally reached the rope bridge. Which was thankfully still intact.

"I really don't feel like falling after coming all this way. So you should probably go first."

"Gee thanks Danny. You're a real pal. I'm glad I have friends I can count on to be supportive and caring."

"You do know how gay that sounded right?"

"Yes Daniel, I am FUCKING aware of how gay that sounded."

"Just so ya know."

"Yeah whatever. Apparently, I've got a bridge to cross. Since sooommmeeebooody decided to be a pussy." I then began walking towards the bridge.

"Wait, you're really going? I didn't think what I said would actually get you to do it." I stopped and looked over my shoulder at Daniel.

"It didn't. At least not what you said at first, but I figure if I get across first, I can wait until you're about halfway across and cut the rope. Then do the rest of this without you to bitch and second guess me like my sister."

"Well when you put it that way..." Daniel said as he walked past me and then proceeded to walk across the bridge.

I followed after him a moment later. As I walked past Danny I said: "Thanks for takin' one for the team Danny." Then I patted him on the shoulder and smiled.

"You bastard."

"Wahh, wahh, wahh. There you go again with the bitchin'. Just look at the bright side. If you had fallen and died, at least I would have lived."

"I'm not seeing the bright side."

"Well then let me tell you. Imagine me, marrying the woman of your dreams, getting that job you always wish you had, and living a long, happy, and fulfilling life."

"First off. You already married the woman of my dreams, so I guess you're ahead of the game. Secondly, I still don't see how you living is a bright side for anyone, even you."

"Are you gonna whine the rest of the way there?"

"I am not whining, I'm complaining. Do you want to hear whining? Thiiiiiiii-"

At that moment, a depth of will and focus that I didn't even know I possessed told me one thing: 'FUCKIN'. NO.' Using this power, I laid my friend out with a punch to the forehead. Luckily, it only took him about ten minutes to come to, and there didn't seem to be any lasting brain damage.

"What happened?" Daniel moaned as he began standing up.

"You tripped and fell on a rock."

"Seems legit. We better get moving and save the Fluttershy, er whatever the fuck we're gonna do when we find them. Why don't you lead."

'Fuck, he knows.'

I checked over my shoulder every few seconds the rest of the way there. I was not about to be donkey punched by an angry blonde. At long last, after all our work and toil, we had reached the castle of the royal pony something-or-others. I apparently needed to brush up on my MLP lore, or maybe I would spend more time with my family after this harrowing adventure.

'Pffft. Fat chance.'

"I guess we had better go inside and see what the hell's what." Said Danny seriously.

"By 'we' you mean me. Don't you." I didn't really say it like a question. I already knew the answer.

"Yep. How'd you guess?"

"I don't have to, I know you too well for that."

"Damn."

"You aren't exactly subtle about it."

"No, not really, But I think I see a problem."

"You only see one problem?"

"With the castle fucktard."

"I imagine you're referring to the fact that the doors are closed?"

"Isn't that what she said?"

"No it fuckin' is not! It is obviously what he said."

"Hmm. Well, regardless of whether or not it was said, I don't think we could just bust through something this th-"

I cut him off by suddenly charging an aura around my fist and punching through the door.

"Or you can, but we could have just opened them."

"But punching through it was so much more satisfying."

"Yeah, great, but now whatever's in here knows we're here.

"Oh come on, how bad could it be?"

"Hah hah hah hah hah hah!" I knew that laugh.

"You would do well to heed your friend's advice in the future, if there was a future for you!"

I turned to the source of the evil laugh and uninventive threats, and who should be there but the queen of the changelings, standing regally behind her minions.

"Where did you take Glenn?" Daniel asked the obvious question, one that I doubted would result in a straight answer.

"Who?" The queen seemed rather surprised.

"Glenn. Human? Looks like us, only a little shorter, black hair?"

"Oh! you mean this one?" Suddenly, the queen morphed into Glenn.

"Yeah that's him! Soooo, just give him back and we can get out of your hair." Danny didn't seem particularly worried, but maybe that was just his poker face. I know I was definately nervous.

"You want him back?" She grinned evilly as she said those words.

"Yeah, we kinda can't leave here without him. I mean, I don't want to come out here and go back empty-handed." I was glad Danny was the one talking, for once. Or maybe more like six times.

"Just him?" she kind of did a paradigm shift in mood. If that even makes grammatical sense.

"Yeah. Wait, who else are you holding?"

"We have captured your precious princess of the sun! and your moon princess will soon follow! We will take every one of your friends! And they shall suffer in the coldest depths imaginable. Hahahahahah hah!

"Uhm, you know what? I think I'll stick with just getting Glenn back. Then we can leave and you know, get back to our own universe. Since my dad will probably have my head at this rate."

"Well you're too late! He and Fluttershy have been sent away from here! They will be held until I rule Equestria, and I will only let them live long enough to see their homes and families crushed. Before I kill them both myself. Hah hah hahahah."

"I finally interjected into the conversation, seeing as how this wasn't really going as fast as I would like it to go.

"So let me get this straight. You have Glenn, Fluttershy, and Celestia, and you've moved them to a different place?"

"Yes."

"So the princess is in another castle?"

"Yes?"

Daniel and I both looked at each other, then back to Chrysalis, then again at each other. Daniel did a Tim Tebo and held it. I chose a more... vocal approach.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU!"