"And that is how I made stainless steel rust." Danny said as he finished his story.

"Wow, I didn't know that was possible." Twilight said with evident surprise. She had been listening with rapt attention to every stupid story Danny and Glenn had told her for the last two hours. I couldn't quite figure out why I hadn't added my two cents to the conversation, but the reason was probably a dumb one.

"You should hear about the time I taught Kyle about rule thirty-fo-"

"Okay Danny, we don't need to hear that one again, ever." I was definately not going to let Twilight hear that one. Or anyone else for that matter.

"What's wrong with that story?" Twilight asked naively.

"That story is filled with obscene garbage and I refuse to let it see the light of day again." I said solemnly

"Okay, so, next question. How did you get here?"

"Wait, we've been here like three hours and that question hasn't been answered?" I couldn't help but feel like that was bullshit.

"Uh, No we never got to that. Haven't you been listening?"

"Not really."

"Okaaay, so how did you get here?"

"Well, daniel was dividing by zero."

"Why? anything divided by zero is undefined, nothing will really be accomplished by doing that."

"Yeah well, Danny here is obviously capable of doing things that shouldn't be possible."

"I know what that's like."

"Yeah, well anyway, a portal thing suddenly opened and transported us here. The end."

"That sounds ridiculous.'

"It wasn't any less ridiculous when it happened."

"Well then, that brings me to my next question. What is life like in your world."

'Seriously? What questions had Danny been answering for THREE FUCKING HOURS?'

"Weeelll." Danny began. Apparently I was doomed to be here for another couple of hours. At least Glenn had his DS. What the fuck was I going to do? A pink blur suddenly appeared in my peripheral vision. No, please tell me it isn't.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Are you new new in town? You must be new! I've never seen anything like you, and I know everypony and I mean EVERYPONY in Ponyville! I'm pretty sure I'd remember something as big as you! *Le Pinkie gasp* I have to throw a 'welcome to Ponyville giant ape-thing party!' *Le more Pinkie gasp* There's more than one of you? Oh this is great! I've never thrown a party for three talking apes before! That other time doesn't count!"

As Pinkie continued her nonsensical rant, I found suicide becoming increasingly preferable to continuing to live with what I was hearing.

"...And then the clown we hired turned out to be a really old donkey..."

How could she still be talking?

"...and then we smelled something really weird in the oven..."

Is she oblivious to the fact that I'm not listening?

"...cause we forgot the stripper was in the cake..."

I hope they have prescription meds I can O.D. on.

"...Then the clown had a seizure and people thought it was part of the act..."

Does she even have lungs?

"...and we found out that someone put acid in the punch..."

I wonder how long it would take her to realize I was dead?

"...So Berry Punch thought I was a cotton candy monster..."

I could slit my wrists right now, and she would not notice.

"...and after we cleaned up the blood, Pokey had to be hospitalized..."

I have this survival knife right here.

"...We had to bury the guy in the back..."

Then again, if it bleeds, perhaps it can be killed?

"...and that's why you should always make sure it's a lady before you hire a stripper.''

Alright, when she pauses for bre- wait. Did she stop talking?

"So, do you want to have a party? Cause I love parties!"

"Yes Pinkie, me and my friends would love to have a party, but you better start getting ready now, because my friends will descend upon that party like a raging cerberus."

"Oooh, that reminds me of another party I threw this one time!"

Oh God please no. No you can't do this to me.

"It all started when we were about to throw a surprise 'thanks for saving me from getting killed, sorry you were mauled by Berry Punch while she was tripping on illicit substances' party."

"Pinkie."

"...So I had everything just right this time..."

"Pin-kie."

"...And Pokey walked in, and boy was he surprised!..."

"Piiinnnkiiiie."

"...but then we found out he didn't have a pulse..."

"PINKAMENA DIANE PIE, GO SET UP THE PARTY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

"Oh right, that reminds me, I'd love to shoot the breeze with you Kyle. But I've got a party to plan!"

And with that, she was suddenly gone. *contented sigh* Now I could finally get some peace and quiet. Wait. Who told her my name?

"Wow dude, you really know how to get the chicks off of you." Danny said sarcastically.

"Fuck you Danny."

"Whatever dude, maybe you should try listening to girls for once?"

"I listen to peoples' problems all the time. All it does is depress me even more."

"Fine, whatever dude."

Twilight suddenly interrupted.

"Well, I think that about does it for questions today. How about I get some of my other friends here? You could probably build some trust with the town."

A strange *squee* suddenly rang out in the library.

"What the fuck was that noise?" I asked nervously.

"Nothing." Daniel said quickly.

Twilight shook her head quickly and changed the subject.

"Sooo, how about it?"

"YES! Er I mean uh, sure." Daniel said giddily

"Okaaay. So, on to Applejack's house."

Woo-hoo. Yeah. Hooray. Fuck. Sure, let's just go to her house, meet all the cast. That is how it goes for the most part right? Go to Equestria, meet all the important ponies because you must always be in Ponyville, then save the place from some sort of thing, usually a recycled character of some sort of pure evil. Just be-fucking-cause you can.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The trip to Sweet apple acres proved to be very boring and totally not worth even speaking about. In any case, when we arrived at the farm, Big Mac was the first one we saw. He was conveniently plowing the field at the time. He really was big, his head almost went to chest height. Obviously, he said not but three words to us. those three words being: "Howdy, name's Mac." He basically distilled a complete sentence down to its base components, and then said that.

In any case, we soon found Applejack out in the fields. She was, of course, much more alarmed by us than her possibly Forrest Gump slow brother, and I thought I was about to get falcon kicked straight in the nuts for a moment. Luckily, Twilight convinced her we weren't dangerous.

"Are ya sure they ain't monsters?" Applejack was of course sporting her southern accent. A fake sounding southern accent I might add, I have cousins in the south, they sound a bit different.

"Trust me AJ, you should be more afraid of Rainbow Dash." Twilight said in her... I guess her 'trust me' voice.

"Well, if ya'll say so." She said hesitantly.

She then turned her attention to us.

"So, Twi trusts ya, but ya'll be careful now. One wrong move, an ah'll keep kickin' till ah hear sumthin' important break." The look on her face said she wasn't kidding, that and the fact that she embodied honesty.

"Heeey now, I think someone just needs a hug. Whaddaya say?" Danny said soothingly. I again facepalmed, I was sure he was about to lose something close to him. There was just no way AJ was-.

"Yeah fine, I guess ah could use a hug." To my absolute shock, AJ actually embraced Daniel instead if turning his groin into a very sensitive punching bag. 'How the fuck was he- this is bullshit. Are they still hugging?'

"Alright, ya can let go now uh... what was yer name?"

"Danny." he said as he stood back up and walked back over to the rest of us lesser mortals.

"I hugged Applejack, where is your god now?" Danny said as he came to stand next to me.

"He's in the same spot as always dude."

"You gotta admit that was awesome." Muttered Glenn.

"I know right! Brohoof!" Danny said excitedly.

Danny and Glenn then shared the most epic brohoof ever shared between two humans.

For my part, I was still wondering how Danny was the suave talker of the group. When a certain pink pony returned to my vision. I was actually beginning to wonder where God was now, and how he would let a thing like having to listen to Pinkie Pie twice in one day happen to one of his children.

"Here's a singing telegram I hope it finds you well, you're invited to party..."

Luckily, she seemed focused on AJ and Twilight for the moment. Maybe I could sneak away while she was...

"Hi! *Le still more Pinkie gasp* It's you again! How long has it been?"

"About twenty minutes." I said resignedly

" *Le yet more Pinkie gasp* Twenty minutes already? I'm sorry, I should probably stop by more often!"

'Oh God no'

"Uh, no hurry, I'm sure you have lots of important party things to do, and... stuff."

"Oh no, I already have the party ready, I just need to get the invites out."

"Who are you inviting?"

"Ponyville."

'Shit, shit, shit, fuck, no.'

"Why don't you just put up signs or something?"

'Dammit! Why would you enable her?'

"Well that's no fun! Duh Boorrrriiinnng."

"Yes Pinkie, boring is the opposite of fun."

'Stop talking Kyle. Shut your fucking mouth.'

"Yep! It sure is! Well, I better go get invitations to everyone else."

'Thank Christ.'

"Hey, did Pinkie say she was inviting the whole town?" Twilight said.

'Oh I know where this is going.'

"Yeah." Said Danny and Glenn at the same time, again.

'I swear those guys are linked telepathically. Also, FUCK.'

Well, why don't we just go to the party? Then you can meet everyone else!"

'Why the hell not, maybe they'll have hard drinks there. I'm probably of legal age in Equestria.'

"Dude! We are going to a Pinkie Pie party!" Danny looked like he was about to pass out from an overdose of epic.

"Whoah! don't jizz yourself dude." I said sarcastically.

"Too late."