If I was not already crazy, I probably would have gone crazy just then. I was in a forest in a children's show. Good thing Danny wasn't awake to tell me my argument was invalid.

*Groan* "What happened dude?"

Dammit.

It took Danny about four seconds to look up into the sky and figure it out. I savored those four seconds of silence. They would likely be the last seconds of peace before the storm of annoying comments about how I must be wrong. Daniel looked up and saw Rainbow Dash peeking through a hole in the clouds. Here we go.

"Dude, we're in Equestria."

"Yes Danny, why don't you put that on a post-it note and label it 'shit I figured out already'. eh?"

"Your argument is invalid dude."

"I'm not arguing."

"Damn right you aren't, cause it would be invalid anyway."

"You done?"

"Fuck no, I'm just getting started."

"Can we discuss this later?"

"How about no?"

"How about we're in a dangerous forest with a fat guy, a fatter guy, and an unconscious small guy with a broken arm."

"How do you know it's broken?"

"Lifeguard."

Of course, Glenn picked that moment to wake his ass up.

"What happened? Why can't I move my left arm?"

"It's broken." Me and Danny spoke simultaneously.

"Great, just great. What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

"Are you guys for real?" Rainbow Dash called down form the clouds.

"Who was that?" Asked Glenn.

"No one." I said quickly. The last thing we needed was for him to freak out and screw his arm up even more.

"I'm not no one. I'm rainbow Dash! Fastest flyer in Equestria.

I facepalmed, it was about the only thing I could think of doing just then.

"Who just said that?" Glenn was looking like he was about to go into cardiac arrest.

"OK. Glenn, do not freak out, but.."

We're in the everfree forest in Equestria dude! Rainbow Dash is right over there, and Kyle's argument is invalid."

I was pretty much resigned to the fact that I would have to deal with either a heart attack, an unconscious victim, or a seizure by that point. I also told myself that I would rather dig a shallow grave with my hands and murder my friend than deal with this for a walk lasting longer than five minutes. Fortunately, Glenn didn't pass out, or have a seizure, or a heart attack.

"OK." Said Glenn simply.

"Seriously?" I was legitamately surprised.

"Yep, I've pretty much given up hope of ever having a normal day."

"Okay then. What do you think we should do next?" I asked simply

"You're a lifeguard now, fix his arm and let's ask Rainbow Dash the way to Ponyville, and on the way I will bash you until you admit I am right." Danny seemed too cheerful. Who was I kidding? He was hardcore brony, he converted me after all. I couldn't deny that I was pretty happy too. That still wouldn't stop me from being weirded out though.

"Clearly you don't understand what a lifeguard does, I'm like Doc from RvB, I just sit there with people as they die and say that everything will be alright."

"Are you serious?"

"No. You think I'd be caught dead in purple armor?"

"Can't you do something?"

"Sure, but I

'll need your undershirt."

"OK, whatever, here."

Danny took his shirt off and hesitantly gave it to me. I took a moment to look at the thing, a plain purple cotton shirt. Long sleeves in record heat? He was crazy for a reason I guessed. I took out the SOG arms survival knife that I carry with me and cut the sleeves off the shirt.

"What the hell dude?"

"I need it for a sling, I'll buy you another one later."

"I don't give a shit about the shirt, it's from a garage sale. When the hell did you start carrying a combat knife?"

"It's a survival knife, and I got it about three days ago."

It didn't take long to get the sling made. It's actually quite easy when you learn it.

"Now what?" Asked Glenn as he he scratched at the sling.

"Now, we ask Dash the way to the nearest town." Danny said triumphantly.

"Oh sure, cause I give strange monsters with weapons directions to towns full of possible victims all the time." Shouted rainbow dash sarcastically.

"Oh right. Forgot about the rampant xenophobia and racism that permeates Ponyville like a stinking cloud." I said to myself. In hindsight, I probably should have expected something akin to that.

"What if we Pinkie promise to be nice, er, not kill or seriously injure anypony that is?" I called up to Dash.

"How do you know about Pinkie promises?" She seemed genuinely surprised about that one.

"It's a long, science filled story, I think we should just tell it to Twilight."

Rainbow Dash just stared down at us in shock for a moment. It was clear she was unused to random new species asking to see friends they shouldn't even know about.

"How do you know about Twilight? Are you a spy?" She shouted down angrily.

"Great job genius. How about you let me handle this?" Said Danny Calmly.

"So listen Dash, we are in serious trouble right now, and we could use a loyal pony to help us out."

'Seriously?' I thought to myself. There was no way that was going to work.

"Fine, I'll take you to Twilight, But no funny business, or you'll be sorry.

Did that really just work?

"Follow me, Ponyville's this way." Shouted Dash as she began flying.

"When did you become a silver-tongue?" I was still trying to figure how that worked.

"I was always good at talking my way into and out of things. Like the time I got a gas station owner to give me ten bucks."

" Let me guess, You used the whole Nixon, 'I would gladly pay you twenty dollars tomorrow, for ten bucks today' thing." I said annoyedly.

"Yep."

"You never payed him back did you."

"Nope."

"Cheap bastard."

"Yep."

"When did you turn into Big Macintosh?"

"Is that what she said?"

"No it absolutely isn't."

He decided to randomly end the conversation there, so we continued walking through the dense wood in blessed silence for a few minutes.

"Does anyone else think rainbow Dash is hot?" Daniel randomly muttered to both of us. Glenn completely ignored it and continued walking in silence. I on the other hand, reflexively replied.

"WHAT?!?!" I said loudly and with large amounts of disgust.

"I'm pansexual dude, I'd do anything." he replied evenly.

"I don't think that word means what you think it means. Pansexual just means you like trannies and dickgirls in addition to regular men and women."

"Which I do."

"Do NOT fuckin' remind me."

"I think you just don't want to admit that Corruption of Champions gave you a weird boner."

"I got the opposite of a boner from that dude, I'm pretty sure my balls went up into my body and sterilized themselves from reading that, and yet you were the one who quit after you lost your anal virginity. In the game of course, I hope."

"I beat it later."

"Yeah, when no one was there to see it."

"No, Glenn was there."

"Glenn?"

"Dude, don't involve me in this." After that, we again lapsed into silence.

---------------------------

After about another half hour of walking while having increasingly disturbing conversations on topics too controversial to even think about. We finally reached the outskirts of Ponyville.

"Well, this is it, Ponyville. I'm Rainbow Dash by the way, and you guys are." She was doubtlessly expecting names, great. The last thing we needed was for Daniel to get on a first name basis with a talking pony, and one of his favorite ones at that. God help us if Pinkie got to know him.

"I'm Kyle." I said simply.

"Kyle what?" Dash asked weirdly.

"My last name is long and German, Kyle is easier."

"What's German?"

"Das is Deutch." I said in a terrible German accent.

"What?" If her eyebrow was razed anymore, it wouldn't be attached to her face anymore.

"Nevermind. This is Danny and Glenn." I said as I pointed to each one respectively.

"You guys have really weird names."

"Trust me, our last names sound even weirder." I said matter-of-factly

"Uh-huh, well, Twilight's house is this way." Said Dash as she gestured with a hoof in the general direction we were going.

"Could you hold up a second? We need to talk to each other for a bit." I said to Dash as I turned to speak to my friends.

"What's your problem Kyle?" Said Danny rather loudly.

"SShh. Listen guys, I think we need to set some ground rules here." I whispered as we huddled together.

"Like what?" Danny whispered.

"Firstly, no references to friendship kinky, no memes, and for the love of God, do not try to have sex with a pony."

"And what if I planned to do all those things?"

"For Christ's sake Danny, do you want to screw everything in this place up?"

"Yep, and down."

"You're unbelievable."

"Bitch please, I'm Daniel."

At that moment, a strange feeling came over me, like when you find something you forgot you had lost. I suddenly got the urge to reach up to Danny's face. I did, and then I somehow literally zipped Danny's mouth shut. For a second he was in too much shock to do anything, but then he unzipped his mouth, and unfortunately began speaking again.

"How the fuck did you just do that?" He shouted.

"It's magic."

"Seriously, h-"

"IT'S MAGIC."

"Fine."

We again walked in silence for a few minutes. I sung Petra's 'Road to Zion' to myself while we were walking. There was, unsurprisingly, no one (nopony?) in the street. Considering that Rainbow Dash's head didn't reach up past my waist, I could sympathize with them. I'd be scared of giants too.

"Remind me again why I didn't just leave you out in the forest." Dash said irritably.

"Because you like us." Daniel said confidently.

'Nice move cassanova, we're really fucked now.' I thought to myself.

"No, I like you, and the quiet one, It's the other big guy with the sword I was talking to."

'What? How and why the fuck am I the odd one out?' The shock of what I had just heard was registering on my face. My 'friends' were just too busy laughing to notice.

We finally reached Twilight's house a few minutes later (thank God), and Dash knocked on the door.

"Twilight? A new species of monkey wants to see you." Dash said loudly.

'Well that's a great way to make a first impression.' I was slightly annoyed that I was being immediately classified as a monkey. By a pony no less.

The door opened and a small purple dragon stood in the doorway. I was hoping he wouldn't notice the three people standing behind Dash, but God forbid I get what I hope for.

"A bit big to be monkeys don't you think?" Said Spike gloomily, so basically how he normally spoke on the show.

"Is twilight here?" Asked Dash.

"Yeah, but why do monkeys want to speak with Twilight?"

"How should I know? That's just what they said."

"When did monkeys learn to speak?"

I was debating whether I should Speak or just keep my mouth shut when Spike finally called for twilight and went back up to bed. Or that's what I assumed at least.

A purple unicorn was suddenly in the doorway. She seemed a bit down in the dumps at the moment, but then she looked past Dash and saw us, and her eyes suddenly got enormous like a kid's eyes get when he gets a new toy. I was not at all happy about that face.

"Dash, you said they were monkeys." She said quizzically.

"Yeah, they look like monkeys."

"They aren't monkeys." She said scoldingly. 'Finally, someone(pony?) who understands.'

"They don't have tails Dash, they are obviously apes." 'Fuckin' really?'

"Ahem, I... am...Twi-light spar-kle... do...you...un-der-stand...me." She was speaking to us like we were animals, which to be fair we were in this world, But still, if we didn't know the language, we weren't going to learn it because she spoke slowly.

"How...do...you...think...that...spea-king...slow-ly...will...help...us...learn...a...new...lan-gu-age...you...im-be-cile."

In hindsight, that was probably a bad first impression, but hell if I was gonna care what a cartoon pony thought.

*Gasp* "You speak Equestrian! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! you have to tell me everything about everything about you! I just discovered a new species! This is amazing!" She was way too giddy for me to like anything about this, but we didn't really have a choice. We came into the house and found spots to get comfortable in.

"So, what is life like for your species?" She suddenly had a notepad and pencil, and prescription lenses. Daniel seemed ready to answer every question. This was going to be a long day. 'Fuck my life' I thought to myself as I settled into a corner to wait out the mini-hell that was Q&A with Twilight Sparkle.