If I had known what was waiting for me outside.... I would have run way faster! An army of changelings was assaulting Ponyville. I hate changelings, I have an excuse to kill them, and I have swords. You do the math. I was on it in about less than a second. These little fuckers were about to get dead, just like Heath Ledger. Too soon?

"Dude. It will never be late enough for you to speak ill of the dead." Danny said as he ran past me. The fuck was he talking about? Oh. Ooooohhhhhh. Motherfucker.

As I glanced about Ponyville in its state of chaos, I was reminded of how fragile life truly was. for example, a changeling rushed at me, its vicious teeth clearly intending to bite my esophagus out, but Danny wasn't having any of that bullshit. So he whipped out an H&K .40 cal USP, and blew its fucking brains out. Life truly was a fragile ideal, i thought as I swept my blade out and to the side, neatly decapitating two more changelings. Such a pity these little things didn't see. truly a waste, I thought.

"See what? Your swords cutting them apart like jelly filled piñatas?" Danny asked as ran past again, his .38 special revolvers spitting death in a conveniently easy to control little package. Also, fuck Danny and his mind reading.

"How would you fuck mind reading? It doesn't have a hole." Danny asked again. This time projecting his retarded thought directly into my skull.

"Just call me Danny skull fuck levandoski." He said almost sarcastically.

While Danny and I were busy giving fucks, Glenn was busy giving many more fucks about the unconscious rarity in the boutique. Glenn lay her down on a couch, his touch characteristically gentle and caring. His soft hands lowered her gently onto the piece of plush furniture. He brushed his thumb gently across her cheek as he lifted his hand from her body. Perhaps it was time he did something worthwhile in his life. He thought as he stood up to his full 5'6" of height. His long girlish hair shaking about his face. It was time.... To get shit done. With that, Glenn raised his head, and looked towards the door, Glenn set his shoulders and walked purposefully towards it. He didn't bother with the doorknob, the door just didn't want to get in his way, and it stepped off to allow him to pass.

the army of changelings had stubbornly refused to diminish as we continued to kill them. I had cut a bloody swathe through their ranks in the first ten seconds the fight, a swathe which was swiftly filled with more changelings. By this time, the mane six had finally decided they wanted to help, and had been steadfastly ignoring the fact that Daniel and I were killing them by the score. Danny had long since run out of ammunition for his .38's and had had to resort to using the Kiparis he had in his pocket. I turned just in time to see said person firing said weapons in epic slow motion. I saw every bullet fired passing through the air, its contrail following behind it like a pulsating tail. Every single bullet missed the mass of changelings he had been firing at, apparently, that weapon was about as accurate as a Russian AK-47.

"That's what you think bro." Danny said into my mind.

The bullets all ricoched off of each other in agonizingly slow motion and somehow course corrected their way into a changeling's head. Effectively ending twenty more changeling lives. That dude, was useful in a fight. Whelp, time to go fucking die. Naw just kidding, UNIVERSE PUNCH! I launched both of my arms out to either side of me at shoulder level. I put more strength and energy into this space-time shattering punch than I had ever used before, and with a singe, mighty, double blow, tore open the fabric of reality and made my own. My hands and part of my arms disappeared into nothingness, only to reemerge holding .454 Casul auto pistols. My face contorted into an evil grin as I pointed the weapons at the ever increasing mass of changelings. I was about to fire the weapons, when suddenly, a plane crashed into them. And who should jump out of the plane mere milliseconds before it crashed besides that son of a bitch Danny. I saw him in slow motion land epically on the ground in crouched ninja landing mode. He never even looked at the explosions.

he began to sing. "Cool guys don't look at explosio.... Ohhh shiiiiiiit!" I couldn't help but laugh as Danny was catapulted forward by the explosion and ended up face first in the dirt. Watching his arms flail in slow motion as he flew wide eyed through the air was the single most amazingly hilarious thing I would see that day.

"Nice job genius." I said sarcastically as he slowly picked his ass up.

"There was a spider." He said strenuously as he pushed his body up from the giant skid mark he left in the ground.

"You are the most absolutely fucking ridiculous nutjob I have ever seen in my fucking life." I said scornfully.

"That may be true, but I got a twenty five kill streak. Do you know what that means?" Danny asked evilly as he took out a radio.

"What?" I asked in a nervous tone.

Daniel merely grinned and pressed a button on the radio. I then heard a voice say something that made me want to crawl into a hole and die.

"Friendly MOAB inbound." I heard the voice from COD MW3

It was at about this time, that I realized we were in a town filled with ponies, and Danny just called in the largest conventional bomb ever created by mankind. This was my life. This was literally my life in a nutshell.

"My God Danny! What the fuck have you done?!" Now we were well and truly fucked.

"Hey, it's all good bro. No friendly fire." Danny said calmly.

"But what about suicide?" I asked calmly.

"Flak... Jacket?" he replied slowly and nervously.

"You have ten seconds, to be far away. Run Danny." I said calmly.

"Oh shit! I am so fucked!." Danny got down on his knees and cried like a bitch at his impending demise.

"Wait a second!" He said suddenly as a realization hit him like a train. "I can teleport! Later bitches!" He shouted, and then he was gone.

Three seconds later, the largest and most gratuitously overpowered explosion ever in Equestrian history rocked Ponyville like a hurricane. In less than a second, every single changeling in a mile radius, was absolutely and utterly destroyed by an awesomely huge death bomb. Of epic proportions, and amazing coolness. The supersized explosion of death was visible from space, probably. I couldn't tell. I was too busy being in the middle of a giant shitstorm. Glenn had only recently left the building to do shit when the shit hit the fan. He was ready to do things, then the things he was about to do stuff to disappeared into nothingness.

I was alive, and the buildings were intact. COD logic was actually a good thing. I never thought I'd see the day. After all the shit that had gone down, this was still less shitty than the other shit that was shitting on my shit earlier. You know, that shit.

"Whoa, that's a lot of shit." Danny said as he walked up behind me.

"It sure is Danny. It sure is."

"Geez. Just kiss an' get it over with why don'tcha." Big Macintosh said as he saw us looking out over the epicness that had been caused. Mac really knew how to ruin the moment.

"You really know how to set a mood Mac." I said without turning.

"Eeyup."

"By the way. I've been meaning to ask you this since I got here. Well, not really, but anyway. What's your real name?" I asked as I turned and looked at him.

"Peewee Macintosh Apple. Ah was a runt when ah was born. Hey! Don't you laugh you little bastard! Not unless you want your gauldarn testiculs ta end up like the trees ah kick on a day to day basis." Mac said threateningly.

"So your name is Peewee?" I asked in a vexed tone.

"Eeyup."

"So, why do other ponies have names that describe them? You don't look small anymore. Unless of course, there's something else you're not telling us." I said as I eyed him ever more amusedly.

"Yer welcome to come to the farm any time to get proved wrong ya little colt-cuddler." Mac replied simply.

"Damn. Well. You sure showed me. You said that I was gay while simultaneously calling yourself gay in the same sentence. I salute you, oh slammer of stallion stinkholes, oh beater of boy meat, oh licker of living lady lollipops. Please, by all means, carry on sir." I was as sarcastic as I could possibly be, mostly because I found it hilarious, but also because I was sexually threatened on a deep personal level. I was having second thoughts about Danny, maybe going to the other team wouldn't be so bad.... Pfffffftt BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH! You dumbass! Did you really think I meant it you mind-fiddling meat masher? Did you really? Oh damnit Danny you are just too fun to pass up.

Danny was listening, oh yes he was, and that made it so fun to fuck around with him. If I couldn't find privacy in my own thoughts, I was sure as hell going to find entertainment. While Danny was psychically touching himself or some shit, Mac was looking at me furiously. I guess he took those kinds of things to heart. Figures I manage to find the only person who takes things seriously.

"Come on man, it was sarcasm. You don't take it seriously. That's the whole point." I consoled.

"It's not that! You had sex with my sister you little bastard!" The weight of the words he was speaking, it was as if I was being hit in the face with a sledgehammer attached to a rocket sled. So many questions welled up in my mind. How many mares did I fucking do? How much am going to pay for therapy when I get out of here? What the hell happens at these fucking parties? And most importantly, the question which I posed to Mac: "Which sister did I do?"

"Eeyup." Mac said simply.

"Eeyup what?" I replied.

"You asked which sister of mine you had sexual relations with, the answer is eeyup." Big Mac replied docilely.

"But what the hell does that mean?" I asked more agitated now than ever, in the last minute and a half.

"He means both you fucking dumbass." Danny said matter-of-fuck-you-factly.

(Temporary flashback to earlier chapter)

So I was either bucked in the face by Applejack, or I had a hangover.

Hmm. Guess I wasn't far off. Also, *flip table* "I'm done!" I said as I stormed off. Mac shrugged and went back about his business. Danny was again as he should always be. Forever alone. Danny rolled his eyes and turned his head, before walking towards the direction of the reference point being used to describe him in this story. He licked his thumb and brushed a mud stain off the point of view of you the reader and leaned in uncomfortably close to you. He opened his mouth and posed a simple question to whomever happened to be reading this at any point in time.

"Do you think he has a plan? Or do you think he's just improvising his way through all of this shit? 'Cause frankly, there's only room for one Deadpooling, Jack Sparrowing, Mcgeivering mother fucker here. Which is me. Anyway, Leave a dislike, a bad comment, or maybe even a private message detailing his every fault and shortcoming to him. I want his soul to be crushed when we come back. So please, hack his account, find his email address. Oh wait! I have it written down! Let's see, it's [email protected]. Well, now you know his name too. So if you know him personally, mock him at school, call him mean dirty names, steal his identity, send him viruses in his mail, just do what it is you have to do to make him feel like a horrible person. I know the three of you reading this right now are probably wondering why I want his entire life to be completely ruined. Well, you see, it all started when..."

THE END *Point of view closes*

"OH FUCK NO YOU DON'T! YOU DO NOT GET TO PULL THIS ASSASSIN'S CREED, BACK TO THE FUTURE, LORD OF THE RINGS, FINAL FANTASY, HARRY POTTER, TWILIGHT SAGA BULLSHIT AND MILK YOUR GOD AWFUL PIECE OF SHIT STORY FOR A SEQUEL YOU MONEY GRUBBING J.K. ROWLING CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI, DAN ABNETT, BEN COUNTER MONEY WHORE! FUCK YOU KYLE! FUCK YOU MISS CHEYNE! FUCK THIS DEMOCRACY OF HYPOCRISY! FUCK YOU AMERICA!

"Hahahah, I'm just kidding guys, you know I love you."

"Real Ommy Shadey signing off. Muthafuckas."