As I sat in a pool that contained my own filth, I was again reminded of why I never took baths. Not only were they a pain in the ass to set up, the logic of the thing in the first place alluded me. Why would you try to get clean by jumping in water that wasn't running or draining? All it did was soak you in the crud you were trying to get off of you in the first place. Funny, one would think I would have stopped trying to make sense of things by now. Here we were in a magical land of fucking ponies, a land where Danny could use magic, and I could use awesome Max Payne super saiyan powers, and I was trying to understand something.

I finally got tired of bullshitting myself. There was no way I was going to be able to relax, so might as well give up the ghost now. I pulled myself out of the tub and was immediately smitten with the worst leg cramp I had ever gotten in my life. I was very quickly on the floor hissing in pain. I guess all the bullshit was finally catching up to me. Just when we were ready to actually enjoy this place. Maybe go to Manehatten, see what they had instead of the Empire State building. I wonder if they had the Twin Towers? Or maybe some camels crashed a storm cloud into it. Asshat religious extremists.

The cramp was passing quickly, and was almost gone by the time I had slowly gotten to my feet. Fucking hyper-whatsit bullshit. I grabbed a towel and quickly dried myself off. I reached for my clothes, and then came to a grand epiphany, they smelled like shit. Mostly because they were covered in shit. Fuck. I ran my clothes under the faucet for a few minutes, to no avail. My clothes still smelled like the sewer I had to walk through to find all the ponies and the person I didn't like with the one pony I did, while the other person I didn't like was recovering in a hospital bed after I beat his face.

"You son of a bitch," Daniel's voice reverberated in my head like other telepathic voices did in movies. Apparently he could read minds now. Well, I'm fucked.

"The fuck are you doing in my head you asshole?" I was talking to the air, now I was really crazy. Wait.

"You dumbass. You talk to the air on a regular basis. Are you just figuring out how weird that is?"

"What are you doing in my head Danny?"

"I'm testing out a new spell, turns out I'm really good at this."

"Well stop. It's fucking weird."

"Oho." Danny made an exclamation, and not one of the 'eureka!' type of exclamations. This was more like the 'I found your porn and I am going to blackmail you for money' type of exclamations. "Guess what I found. No not your porn." He said maliciously.

"What?" I asked nervously.

"Two words. Possession spell." Danny said slowly.

"Danny. Don't you fucking try." Having my body controlled by Daniel? How about no.

"Imma do it." Danny said quickly.

"Don't you do it." I said back.

"Imma do it."

"Don't you do it Danny."

"Imma doing it."

"Stop doing it."

"Imma doing it."

"Stop doing it."

"I did it." Strange. I didn't feel anything happening.

"I don't feel any different." I said.

"Strange, I should be possessing you right now." Danny seemed disappointed. Good.

"You do realize that Christians can't be possessed by demons right?" I asked Danny in my condescending voice.

"I don't think that's the right word for it, but whatever. Anyway, what does that have to do with it?" Danny asked.

"Well, demons are much stronger than people, they are fallen angels after all. Anyway, angels can slaughter entire armies over night, so it stands to reason that demons must be almost as good as that. You are a person, more than that, you are a physically unfit person, so you are basically nothing compared to a demon."

"So you can't be possessed?" Danny said simply.

"Yep. Add +100% possession resistance to my stats page." I said cheerfully

"Do you have +100% resistance to fire too?" The way Danny asked that question legitimately scared me.

"I don't think so." I said nervously.

"Oh. That's too bad." And with that, Danny was gone.

For a moment I just stood there. I was fully expecting Danny to set my pubes on fire or something like that. After a while though, I realized that he was probably just fucking around with me. I got up and started putting my tattered smelly clothes back on. As I was pulling my underwear up, I smelled something strange, not shit, something else. Was someone burning something?"

"Hey Kyle. Don't look now, but your pubes are on fire."

"YOU SON OF A BITCH" I yelled as I ran water and put out the fire on my groin. Luckily, only the hair was burned, so I wouldn't have a good enough reason to kill him yet.I finally put my clothes back on and walked down the steps that led to the library where my 'friends' were staying.

As soon as I entered the room with everyone else, I was greeted with gags and retches of abject disgust. Twilight covered her snout with her nose and looked at me as if I was the most disgusting thing on earth.

"Dear Celestia! Haven't you ever heard of soap?" Twilight shouted in disgust.

"I used the soap, but soap doesn't help when you wade through a sewer for an hour." I replied respectfully.

"The sewers? Why were you in the sewers?" Twilight asked, shocked that I would ever go anywhere near that place.

"In case you don't remember, I had to save my friend, your friend, and your two princesses. Did you already forget that little detail? Anyway, Vinyl and I had to go through the sewers to find them. Hence the smell. So before you start insulting me, let me remind you that you all reaped the benefits of my actions, while I only got an overbearing stench and a few bruises to show for what I did." I was a little pissed now that I really thought about what they were implying. I risked my ass to save Twilight's friend, and her two deities, and she was insulting me.To Twilight's credit though, she did realize that I had done what I did in the first place to save her friends. Not so I could bathe in pony feces.

"You're right, sorry. Let's see if we can get you and your friends some new clothes. Again." Twilight said. Glenn looked up momentarily from his DS. Was he giving a hint of a fuck? Nah. No way. Speaking of which. How the fuck did that DS still work? He hadn't stopped playing it since we got here to my knowledge. Unless it was now magic powered. In which case, shit.

"Come on you three. Let's go get you some new outfits." Twilight said over her shoulder.

----------------------------------------------------------oO Oo---------------------------------------------------------------

We were again in the Carousel Boutique, and I was again wondering where Rarity was getting these designs from. I was currently wearing a white suit, white pants, a gold necklace with a gold cross, all under a white robey cloaky thing with a purple border along with grey boots. I also had glasses for some reason. I looked over at Danny, thinking he would look just as ridiculous. He did. He was wearing a black suit, with black pants and black shoes, he also had a red trench coat, a red wide brimmed hat, and orange tinted glasses. What the fuck was this?

"Dude. I am not getting rid of these." Danny said seriously.

"Why? These clothes look ridiculous." I replied, confused as to why he found this look at all good.

"I have a lot of anime to show you when we get back." Danny said simply.

I shook my head and turned over to Glenn. He was wearing black chaps, black boots, a black beanie, and a black vest. Seriously?

"Well. I dare say you three look as good as you ever will." Rarity was obviously happy with her work. I however, was not quite so happy about looking like an anime version of a catholic priest, but since I lacked anything better, might as well get used to it.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and what should walk in but a changeling. Always with the damn changelings. Rarity screamed in fear and fainted to the floor. Glenn gave a momentary fuck and caught her before she hit the ground. I readied myself for another bout of ridiculous combat with these freaks. I would never get the chance to fight this changeling however, a draconian roar reverberated throughout the boutique, nearly deafening me with the sheer scale of its sound. The changeling's head exploded in a violent eruption of soupy mess, splattering the door and the wall. I was shocked by the sudden disappearance of the changeling's face, skull and brain. I turned around to see Danny holding a pair of long barreled .45 1911's. One of which was pointed at the spot where the changeling's face had been. Smoke drifted lazily from its barrel, and all I could think about was where the fuck he had gotten them from. Daniel began speaking before I could continue however.

"That is it! I have had it with these motherfucking changelings, In this motherfucking story!" Danny sounded almost like he was pissed. I couldn't deny that I was pretty angry myself. Wait. What story?

"Where Danny." I said simply as I looked at his over sized sidearms.

In response to my question, Danny simply put the giant handguns in his pockets, where they promptly disappeared. After a moment of digging around in his pockets, he pulled out two short swords, which he threw to me. By this time I had not the heart to question him anymore, so I merely followed as he walked out the door.

If I had known what was greeting me outside.....