SilverBoulder presents

In association with Ommytehdude

A Fimfiction Film

My Strange Friends

Produced by: Knighty

Directed by: Pinkamena Diane Pie

Written by: Silver Boulder

And

OmmytehDude

Starring: SilverBoulder as: Kyle Volbrecht
OmmytehDude as: Danny
Glenn as: A boss
SilverBoulder as: Silver Boulder
and Danny as:

"The fuck is this?"

"What's your problem Danny?"

"This is bullshit that's the problem! Are you seriously going to add credits before the story starts?"

"Yeah?"

"Uhm...No"

"Why? What's wrong with credits?"

"Have you ever seen Star Wars?"

"Duh"

"You ever notice how there aren't credits before the goddamn story?"

"Yeah."

"That's what's wrong with credits. Nobrony gives a flying spaghetti monster shit about who wrote the piece of shit they're reading. They care about what's there to read. So why don't you try fixing your earlier chapters up so they don't lick so much dick?"

"Whatever. You ruined the credits anyway."

"Ruined? Fuck that. I couldn't have ruined the credits anymore than you could ruin White Chicks. It was already shit, you can't ruin shit."

"It should have had Chris Rock."

"I take back what I said. You actually could ruin shit. Get the fuck off Fimfiction."

"Nah."

"Fine. Take all the dislikes. See if I give a fuck, and by the way, you already introduced a character that doesn't come in until like the thirty-eth chapter, so great job assnuts."

"God fine! I'll take them out then asshole!"

"It's too late, people already read them. They're there for good now. at least one person probably saved the edited chapter and is going to show his friends that retarded credit sequence. You done goofed son, and now it's gonna haunt you forever. GJ bro."

"..."

It was a hot Sunday afternoon in early July, the birds were singing, and I was humming Petra's "Back to the street" as I jogged down the street to my friends house. I was already asking myself why a fat guy like myself could run down a road in record heat without breaking into a sweat that made a shower head look like a leaky faucet, but that was me over-analyzing things like I always do.

I try to visit my friend when I can, unfortunately, that's usually Sunday, after church. I go to church of course. I wouldn't be a very good robo-christian boy if didn't would I? No I go to church because I want to, they're like another family, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I may have had a religion to belong to, but my friend Danny, I couldn't really figure out what his religion was. He seemed to fluctuate between agnostic, atheist, and other weird-ass stuff I don't think they even have a name for. He was still a good friend though, so I tried not to give a flying fuck. Yes, I swear, I said I was christian, but i didn't say I was a good one.

I finally arrived at my friend's house after a few more minutes of decidedly random thoughts that aren't even worth mentioning. I walked up to the door of the unassuming single story house and knocked. I immediately heard Daniel's damn dog start barking and howling like, well, a dog. Daniel mercifully opened the door a moment later and shut the thing up.

"Hey, it's you." He said quasi-sarcastically.

"Yeah it's me." I replied in the same tone.

"Well come in dude." He said as he motioned with his hand for me to enter.

I took off my shoes by the door and went up a few steps into the living room. The living room didn't have too much in the way of furniture, it had a couch, a small table, and a recliner. What it did have, however, was a giant flat-screen, a P.S.3, and an Xbox 360, the new one. Unfortunately, none of these things were currently in use, as Danny was watching My Little Pony on his laptop while Glenn played Pokemon on his DS. As I stepped closer and fended of the dog trying to jump on me, I noticed Danny doing something else while he watched MLP.

"Hey Glenn, how's it going?" I said conversationally.

"Good." He said without looking up. Glenn was, quite possibly, one of the most antisocial guys I have ever known. He was also one of the most mellow and calm guys I have ever known. I had a feeling that if i was ever going to join the military, I would want that guy as a squad leader. Sadly, he was a bit small for military work, only about 5' 7", so I guessed I was just SOL.

"What are you doing Danny?" I said half scoldingly.

"I'm watching My Little Pony and dividing by zero." I could tell he was being serious by the way he said it, but that didn't make it any less funny.

"Why?" It was about the only question I could ask at that point.

"Because I feel like it." He said and then shrugged.

"don't you think that's a complete waste of time?" I asked as I walked around the couch to sit down next to him.

"Nah." He said without looking up from what he was doing.

As I looked at the screen, I saw a growing block of zeros and forward slashes filling up his internet downloaded special calculator.

"How long have you been doing this?" I asked nonchalantly.

"A few minutes. Hey, why don't you make us some food." He said quickly.

"This is your house you asshole, you make it. what do I look like a fuckin' butler?" I retorted half-angrily half-jokingly.

"Actually, you kinda-." Danny began.

"Shut it." I said threateningly.

Daniel laughed for a moment before saying: "But seriously, I'm hungry, you should make something."

I just looked at him strangely for a moment.

"Not sure if serious or troll." I invoked the phrase with heavy sarcasm, as was tradition. It was Danny's turn to stare blankly at me now.

"I'm serious." He said after a few seconds.

"Fuck that shit dude." I said evenly.

"Okay then." He said, and went back to typing in more slashes and zeros.

Glenn meanwhile, had gone to the bathroom for the moment, and returned shortly after we finished our conversation.

"Hey Glenn, I just ran out of space for more numbers on the calculator, let's see what answer it gives us." Danny said as Glenn walked back to sit down on the couch.

"You know it's just gonna be zero right?" I said smartly.

"You never know, maybe the maker left some weird coding in that shows porn if you divide by zero a lot." Danny said jokingly.

"Seriously dude? Porn? Yeah you know, cause porn sites don't exist and you just love making a hobby out of working real hard for shitty things. I could getting a woman to undress herself and it would be faster and easier than dividing by zero on an internet calculator." I transitioned from sarcasm to matter-fact to outright scolding throughout the course of my tirade.

"You done?" Glenn and Danny both said simultaneously.

"Yes." I sighed in defeat.

"Alright, let's see what we get." Danny said.

He moved his finger slowly and dramatically towards the enter button, and dramatic music started playing from Glenn's IPod. Of course, me being somehow as much of a jackass as the agnostic sitting next to me, I just quickly pressed enter button. They both looked at me like I was the devil, but then turned their heads back to the screen to look at the answer: 1

"What the hell?" I said with alarm evident in my voice.

Suddenly, a strange distortion began to appear on the screen, beginning in the center and slowly swirling outwards.

"See, I told you the programmer might have left some weird stuff." Said Danny triumphantly.

The swirling vortex continued to expand outwards from the center of the screen, like a black hole that has caught a star. This continued even after Danny closed the page.

"Why is this still happening?" I said curiously.

"Maybe we opened a portal." Said Danny jokingly.

"Nah that's cliche." I replied

Suddenly, the distortion stopped, and seemed to swirl back iin on itself and disappear.

"See, just a weird glich in your computer." I said flatly.

At that second, God played what is perhaps the greatest joke that has ever been played on a human being since at least 1000 A.D. The distortion suddenly exploded outwards and enveloped the three of us in the fabric of unreality, comedic irony, and a tasty three course meal of my own words.

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The trip through the portal looked a lot like the doctor who opening titles, we were falling, rising and tumbling like the TARDIS. The trip seemed to take about three seconds though, which was just enought time for me to freak out and start a nervous breakdown before I was hurled bodily into the ground. Luckily, the ground was fucking hard, so I had the air shot out of my lungs before I could scream like a maniac from sheer terror.

After a few minutes of lying on the ground trying not to go into shock, I finally got my balls back and decided to look around. The first two things of interest I saw were Glenn and Daniel. both were face down on the ground like I had been a moment ago. Being that i was certified in lifeguarding, my instincts bid me to make sure they were okay, I checked Daniel for signs of life, He had been knocked unconscious from the fall, but he'd be fine. Next, over to Glenn, he was okay too, except for his arm. he had fallen on top of it, and it looked broken. Not so good. All in all, it wasn't so bad. We just didn't know where we were.

It seemed my friends were out of action for a moment, so I did the first thing that came to mind, i looked around some more. We were in a small clearing in a brightly colored forest. There weren't any animals in sight, which I guessed was a good thing. Or a really bad thing. I looked up to the sky, it was rather cloudy, and seemed to promise rain later. At that point I did what most any crazy christian would do. I prayed to God.

"Lord, thank you for protecting us and keeping us safe during whatever just happened, and please let's not do that again for a bit. That being said, WHERE IN THE NAME OF YOU AM I!" I shouted at the top of my lungs into the sky.

Suddenly, a hole seemed to part in the clouds, and a head looked through as the sun shone behind it. I had a brief vision of monty python and the quest for the holy grail before a slightly sandy sounding girls voice spoke out.

"You're in the Everfree forest. What are you anyway?.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. Of course it would be ponies, it's always ponies. Rainbow Dash stared at me with a quizzical look etched on her face, and I stared back with a look of pure shock. At that moment, only one thought was in my head, and it was soon put to words.

"SERIOUSLY? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?"