"The average person's defenition of insanity: An unsound state of mind wherein a person has lost the ability to effectively reason.

The insane man's definition of insanity: Waking up every morning and doing the same thing for your entire life for no other reason than it is all you know how to do well. Which one do you fear more?" -SilverBoulder

"Are you allowed to qoute yourself in your own story? that seems pretty cheap."

"GET OUT OF MY AUTHOR'S NOTE PINKIE!"
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I was still trying to figure out exactly how I came to be eating a ham sandwich on the bed that my friend Daniel had had sex in last night. But my mind was drawing up a blank. The smell of shame was making it rather hard to think anyway. What I could remember however, was that Pinkie had a stunt double and a robot clone of herself, and let's not forget the manager that was following her around magically without us ever noticing. it would usually be at about this point that anyone who made it through everything else with their sanity intact would lose it, besides Glenn, but he wasn't here anyway. Not like it mattered anyway though, Danny lost his sanity when..... I actually don't know when, but I know I lost the last vestiges of my sanity when Casey Anthony wasn't convicted of any crime after her daughter just magically drowned in a pool. Maybe magical ponies killed her. Anyway, Chrysalis didn't count because she couldn't spell sanity, much less know what it meant. That just left Vinyl, hmm I wonder...

"Hey Vinyl?" I said thoughtfully.

"Yeah?" She seemed unhappy, I hate unhappy.

"Are you still sane? And if not, When did you lose your sanity?" I realized as soon as the words left my mouth that this was a stupid question that could only lead to bad things. But since when have I ever made the right choice? I was like the Max Payne of social calls, I would come up with the absolute most retarded things, and somehow they still worked sometimes.

"Hmmm... I would say I went crazy and stopped caring when I went to Pinkie's first party." vinyl seemed unusually calm about it, apathetic pony is apathetic.

"What happened?" This question could only lead to terrible memories, but come on.

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! You know what this calls for? A FLASHBACK!" NONONONONONONONO

"It all started on Vinyl's birthday party four years ago. I had just moved into Ponyville, and I was trying to create the greatest birthday party ever.

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There was an awesome yet familiar beat playing in the background as Vinyl sat with Pinkie and struggled to keep her jaw from scraping on the ground. Pinkie had gotten Ritch Mob, the Ritch Mob, to play at her birthday party. This pink nut knew how to party! Only problem was that she was absolutely insane. Oh well.

"Hey Pinkie?" Vinyl had to yell over the scratchy bass beat.

"Yeah Vinyl? Watcha need? Do you like the party? I sure hope you do! Cause if you don't then that means you're sad, and I hate to see other ponies sad!"

"Pinkie."

"Cause there was this one time when a pony was sad..."

"Pinkie."

"And we built snow forts and had a snowball fight..."

"Pin-kie."

"...Took it way too far..."

"Pinkie Pie."

"I don't remember how I got depleted uranium."

"Please stop talking."

"...Said the area wouldn't be survivable for at least 2,000 years..."

"You have to breathe in sometimes."

"...Which is why I'm not allowed in Marewaulkee anymore..."

"Why am I speaking to you again?"

"And that's why you never mix U-235 with snowballs! Which reminds me! It's time for cake!" Pinkie then jumped three meters (Fuck the king's foot) into the air and disappeared in a sonic boom and smoke contrail, only to reappear a second later with what was, quite possibly, the most enormous cake in existence at the time.

Vinyl's eyes went wide, her eyes turning big as platters at the site of the stupendously sumptuous sweet standing shamelessly before her. Vinyl cantered slowly towards the colossal pastry, each step bringing her closer to the greatest moment of her young existence. When all at once, the beat changed from a lovable dubstep song to something much more... bad. And in that moment, a young, innocent DJ mare was turned into a not so innocent DJ mare. For at that moment, a female stripper jumped out of the cake and began dancing seductively, and her approaches were seemingly aimed at Vinyl.

"Isn't this great?! Your friends told me all about how you were really interested in mares, and we decided that what better place to come out of the closet than in the presence of everyone in Ponyville!"

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"It was in that moment that I came closer to killing another pony than ever had before." Vinyl said seethingly as the flashback ended.

"What stopped you?" If Pinkie had done that to me, I probably would have taken her into a basement and made pastries out of her internal organs.

"Unfortunately, it was just a robot, but the next time she pulls anything like that, I will torture her family until I find her."

"Well. I'm glad I married a psycho. I'm sure we'll get along no problem." This was only going to end with one of us in a bodybag. And the other one in psychiatric care.

"Naw I'm just kiddin'! Pinkie's awesome!"

"Ha, ha ha ha, ha." I laugh.

"Jeez, don't freak out or anything." Vinyl muttered sarcastically. Vinyl clearly didn't understand me very well. I freak out at certain times, and in certain situations.

"Wake up my pet, your queen demands satisfact-" If she hadn't noticed us, this would have been the funniest moment ever, in the history of funniest things ever. But she did, and it wasn't. So I laughed anyway, at Danny's expense.

"HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!?" I suddenly wondered why the fuck we stayed in here with the bitch that wanted kill us, shortly before remembering that she didn't seem to try very hard anyway.

"I think the more important question would be how he wouldn't, judging by all the children you have, I imagine it's like throwing a javelin down a hallway, you might hit a wall, but that doesn't mean it's the end." I was going for insult to injury ratio, and this was the best I had at that moment.

"Dude. Why?" Was Daniel's only reply.

"Because I can fuckwit that's why."

"How did you get passed the guards?" I love seeing my enemies surprised.

"Well, firstly, your guards hav an IQ roughly equivalent to that of a potted plant, so they aren't the brightest bulbs, but more importantly, they hate working for your dumb ass, so they went on strike."

"Those stupid sons of bitches, I am going to kill them after I finish with you."

"Well, I can definately see where they get it from. Do you have a small gene pool or something?"

"My cousin was my grandfather what do you think?"

"How would that even work?"

"Talking done, killing you now." Now she was gonna get serious?

Chrysalis made a mad lunge at me with her horn. I guess she was trying to impale me? I couldn't even tell, she was moving like a punch drunk boxer. Her steps were erratic and shaky, like a dizzy wino. I was in more danger of dying laughing than I was from getting gouged by her.

"How hard did you go with her Danny?" I said between fits of laughter.

"She likes it rough. Or maybe I do? Ahh whatever. Point is, I fucked her like a freight train with a jet engine shot out of a cannon and fitted with a snow plow."

"That would explain her lack of coordination."

"Shut up you brunette bastard and fight like a man!" Chrysalis said with a vicious growl.

"Hey! His hair looks fine you queer eyed floozy!"

"Thank you Vinyl, but I don't need the extra emotional support right now. Why don't you grab Pinkie and get the rest of the party out hey?"

"Ugh, fine." And on that cheery note, she took her leave.

"Fine! run away you dumb bitch! I'll kill your stupid husband while you run like a whore then."

"Damn, when did you grow a tongue?"

"She's definitely had it since last night."

"Not something I needed to hear Dan. Why don't you come and help?"

"I think you've got it."

"I can't get any of you lazy bastards to help can I?"

"Nope. Anyway, I thought you would want to do it yourself, I mean, she did call your wife a bitch."

"Yeah good point, we should probably wrap this up though."

"Yep, I've had my fill of this cave."

"Right then, on to the next dungeon!" And with that, I dodged one last flimsy slash from Chrysalis' horn, and laid her out with a solid punch in the jaw. I saw some blood and a few teeth fly out as she fell down onto her ridiculously vain bed. It was rather therapeutic.

"Damn. Did you have to hit her in the face?"

"Danny."

"Okay."

Our business here being finished, we made our way out the door. Back into the world of insanity that was fast becoming our home.