There are times in life where facepalms are the most acceptable way of emphasizing how much the actions of yourself or someone you know failed. This was not one of those times. To adequately explain how much of a complete failure Daniel's actions were would have required the hand of God himself. Since I lacked the literal hand of God, I had to settle for raging like a noob who lost at COD.

"HOW IN THE NAME OF FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO FUCK THIS ONE UP DANNY!? I LITERALLY GAVE YOU THE FIGHT! I HAD IT IN THE BAG BEFORE YOU GOT THERE!" My face was as red as a beet, and veins were standing out like ropes on my neck.

"I do not think you were anywhere close to winning actually." Princess Celestia was a little too calm given the circumstances, but then again she was probably used to getting kidnapped by now.

"We agree. Thou dids't not have it "in the bag" as thou say." And why not add Luna to the bitchfest?

"Whoa! Your face is like a giant strawberry! *Le gratuitous Pinkie gasp* Are you a fruit? Because I love fruit! *Le whatever* That reminds me of this one time when a gay ass walked in to the bakery!" Daniel was about to say something very rude to me, and I was about to retaliate with something even more rude. We were expecting vivid pictures to be painted in each-other's heads. What we wren't expecting, was Pinkie Pie.

"What?" Daniel and I resorted to the old standby yet again.

"Well you see there was this donkey-" And suddenly it made perfect sense, and we no longer cared. What were we fighting about? Son. Of. A. Bitch. She is damn good at ending a fight.

"Well, now that that's over we can try to find a way out of here right?" Vinyl was sounding hopeful, too hopeful.

"Yeah sure. Just give me a second to figure out a plan." I was officially and conveniently calm. Now we could see if the fact that Whoever had locked us up was a complete retard could be turned to our advantage.

As I tried to find a spot not next to everyone else, I got a good look around the shitty accommodations we had been given. The prison cell was a fairly standard dungeon, like the ones you'd expect from medieval pony queens with a ridiculously large ego and ridiculously small brain. It was villains like this that made me fear for the next generation. Who would give my children a reason to kill without incurring the wrath of God and the law if not their enemies?

"You got a plan yet?" Danny was nagging me after five seconds, what an ass.

"You're in luck Danny, it just so happens I do. We will construct pickaxes by destroying the stone around us, then we will tunnel our way out."

"We don't have any wood for sticks, nor do we have a workbench, there's no way we can minecraft our way out of this."

"NO FUCKIN' SHIT! ARE YOU SURE?"

"Yes."

"Thing about plans Daniel, they take seconds, sometimes entire minutes to formulate."

"Fine, just let us know when you come up with something."

"Why am I even the one making the plans? I am more than willing to admit when someone knows more than me, and I somehow feel like the thousand year old pseudo-goddesses know more than me about things like this."

"Uhhhh." Celestia was fumbling about -3 seconds into the conversation. Not a good sign.

"Are you about to say something I don't like? Because if you are, you better make it sound pretty fucking good. Or you'll be getting the business end of a boot up your a-"

"Hello my pets. Are we feeling at home?" Well that was a dynamic entry.

"You should probably bring this place up to code. I don't see how this is stable." Daniel the smartass in town 'till whenever the fuck someone kills him.

"I'll take that as a yes then. Anyway, it's time to find out which one of you is going to be my lover."

"I'll do it! Er, uh, if you have to pick somebody that is." Oh Danny you weird vaginacologist you.

"What? What kind of weird shit is that?" I was honestly trying not to laugh. This was probably the most ridiculously weird thing that I had heard since coming here.

"Exactly what would this job entail?" Of course it would be Danny again.

"You will provide food for the horde. Through the gift of your love. If none will volunteer, then I shall take it by force." That was sounding pretty creepy right now actually.

"That sounds really weird. Why the hell would you do that?" I was pretty sure I would never understand all this weird shit, but I was also sure I didn't care.

Meanwhile, the queen was already walking out ith Dann- well, that was fast. I should probably have expected things like this from Danny by now, but I somehow missed these things. Why the hell did this weird stuff keep happening? Why did I keep stopping to contemplate this shit like philosoraptor?

"Are you not worried that they are taking your friend?" Celestia was concerned. It was actually pretty funny.

"I am not at all worried actually. Are you worried Glenn?"

"Not really. Chrysalis is in for a big surprise if she thinks she's gonna be leading though." Glenn was still pretty stoic considering the situation, but that was just Glenn.

"What do you mean?" Oh damn, she was in for the elaboration of her life.

"He means, that Danny is pretty much a sexual cerberus. Danny would lay anything, anytime, anywhere, because he's in a magical ponyland and nothing's gonna stop him."

"That sounds like him, yes. Isn't he dreamy?" Well. Huh. I was not surprised at this comment, I did not bat an eyelash when Celestia went from normal to sexual reminescence in less than a second. Fuck. Just. Fuck.

"Geez, Danny's an animal." The blue haired pony DJ just called my human friend an animal, and I could agree with it, and that was saying something.

I put my hands over my face and spent the next ten minutes silently asking God why I was in this situation. As usual, I didn't really get a straight answer from him. That was pretty normal, I usually found out why after it was over. That's how it always went with things like this. Er, things remotely similar to this.

"So! How's the plan coming along?! Huh? Huh? Huh? You got a great plan yet? I hope it involves cupcakes! Cuz I love cupcakes!" Again with that amazingly cheerful voice. Somebody get me some Tylanol.

*still yet more le Pinkie gasp* "That reminds me of the time I had to break out of unlawful incarceration this other time!"

And some Aspirin.

"...So they were talking about soap and stuff..."

And Vaikaden.

"...Then one of them was watching me all the time..."

Maybe Aleve too.

"...Trying to touch me all weird..."

A beaver tranquilizer.

"...And they forgot to search me for shanks..."

Coffee, lots of coffee. Fucking jugs of coffee.

"...the blood was everywhere..."

Maybe some scotch or other hard liquor.

"...Why did they think that hitting me with the sword would work? They had a tank..."

Some Alka-Seltzer tablets.

"And that's how Cadia was saved!"

"What?" It seemed I was the only one that found this strange.

"Anyway, we could use the key to get out."

"What key Pinkie?"

"The one I got off the guard when I went to the mare's room."

"When did you do that?"

:While you and Danny were arguing."

"How did you get out?"

"Through the door. Duh."

"How did you get through the door?"

"It was unlocked."

The entire group contained in the not-so-imprisoning-cell, at that moment, made a collective face-hoof/palm. The likeness of its complete epicness has not been seen since.