I sat cross-legged in the middle of the street. My arms were folded over my chest. A cool breeze blew down the street, stirring the trash and various bits of leftover drinks and food that lay strewn about. I did my best to ignore it. Instead, I focused my attention on the black box before me that was ominously illuminated by the dawn light. My sleep the night before had been spotty at best due to listening to the snores of both Lyra (Who stayed over because of her fight with Bon Bon. I should ask about that. See if she’s doing okay.) and Vinyl (Who had retreated into my house to escape a rather irritated Twilight. She hadn’t said much, so I really couldn’t get a read on her.).

“I could really use some coffee.” I grumbled to myself. “Too. Tired. To Brain. For. Work. NEED. COFFEE!"

-pop-

I blinked as a Starbucks white chocolate double-shot appeared on the ground next to me. Huh. Well that’s nice. I grabbed it with a tentacle, popped the top with a second, inhaled the wonderful smell, and then it hit me.

“How do I drink you?” I asked the can.

“I have no idea.” The voice next to me made me jump.

My head snapped over to see a yawning Lyra sitting next to me. Her tentacles were receding back into her body.

“Heeeeey..... Lyra. How’d you get out here?” I asked as I tried to get my racing heart under control.

“Teleported.” She said, getting up and stretching. “Was too lazy to use the door. What’s that?” She pointed a hoof at the can still held in my grip.

“Caffeine,” I said slowly. “ I don’t know how to drink it though.”

“Hmmm, the tentacles would be a problem. What do you have under there?” Lyra asked with a raised brow.

“No idea. Mind looking for me?” I asked somewhat awkwardly.

“Sure.” She shrugged. “Thankfully I’m your herald so nothing bad should happen.”

I chuckled as I opened my facial tentacles like some kind of demented flower. “So? What do you see?”

“You’ve got a beak under there.” Lyra responded.

I blinked. “What like a squid?”

“Yep.” She said flatly.

“How am I supposed to drink anything?” I asked, somewhat perturbed.

“Get a straw.” She giggled.

I lowered my tentacles. “Very funny.”

“I’m serious.” She gave me a light shove then looked around. “So...... What are you doing’ out here. Trash duty?”

“Eh I have an idea I want to try but I am in dire need of caffeine.” I said getting up with a couple small pops.

“Let’s go to Sugarcube corner. I’m sure they have something you can drink with a straw.” Lyra smirked up at me.

“They’re open this early?” I blinked in surprise.

“Eldritch, it’s eight. Of course they’re open.” Lyra responded flatly. turned away from me, and began trotting away.

“My mind is full of fuck this morning.” I gestured lazily as I followed the mint green unicorn.

“How’s that working out for you?” Lyra glanced over her shoulder at me.

“Ffffuuuuuu.... Blah.” I slumped. “Your snoring didn’t help me sleep much.”

“Yeah.... sorry about that.” Lyra winced.

“Meh.” I plodded onward.

Lyra slowed down to walk in time with me. “Soooo, you still in the doghouse with Derpy?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Yep.”

“Gotta admit, I’ve never seen a filly rage that hard before.” Lyra giggled.

“Ugh.... Two hours.... It took two hours to pull her away from that game. She’s worse than Button.” I rubbed the back of my head. “I may need to Law Speak to stop her from playing for awhile.”

“Law Speak?” Lyra glanced at me with a raised brow.

“When I do that resonant voice thing, I think I’m imposing my will on the world. In a sense, Speaking Law.” I explained. Strangely, I didn’t seem to see any ponies about while we walked. That must mean that it was to early, or they knew I was coming.... somehow.

“Wait....” Lyra furrowed her brow in thought. “I thought you were a Chaos-based Eldritch Horror?”

“It is a thin line that separates order and chaos.” I chuckled darkly. “I use that line as a jump rope.”

“I see.” Lyra giggled.

We continued on in relative silence. I noted that Lyra was also noticing the lack of ponies. Though she didn’t say anything. This was honestly a little creepy.

Hell, give this place some fog and it could be silent hill.

And then the fog rolled in.

“Mother fucker I wasn’t serious!” I cried, making Lyra jump.

“Whoa! dude, calm down. This was scheduled!” Lyra stopped and put a hoof on my leg.

I froze and look down at her. “Well now I feel like an idiot...”

“What, make some Silent Ponyville joke in your head?” Lyra raised a brow.

“Yes- Wait... Silent Ponyville is a thing here!?” My eye widened.

“Yeah. That game’s super terrifying, not as bad as Fatal Frames though.” Lyra nodded looking thoughtful. “Fatal Frames gave me legitimate nightmares, and I read Coltcraft regularly.”

“I now both love and fear Equestria in equal measure.” I nodded and motioned for us to continue.

“So do I man.” Lyra nodded with me.

As we continued on our way something hit me. The first time Zecora showed up in the show, there was a lot of fog. So... does this mean I’m zecora? Or has that happened already? What if it hasn’t happened yet and we run into a rhyming zebra. How would the rhyming zebra react to me. Does she have Witch Doctor fetishes to ward away evil, I.E. me? Could a zebra make a powerful enough fetish to ward me away? On that thought, could a unicorn ward me away somehow? Could Celestia? If she can’t what’ll everypony do if I go postal? What’ll I do if I go postal?

I felt a poke on my leg again. I looked down to see that Lyra had stopped. “Eldritch, we’re here.” She gestured at Sugarcube Corner.

“Oh... Nice. Sorry I was a million miles away.” I said sheepishly.

“It’s fine. I get stuck in my own brain too sometimes.” Lyra smiled up at me.

The inside of sugarcube corner was as bright and sickeningly sweet as the show portrayed. However the smells were absolutely amazing. I smelled baking cinnamon rolls. I think my tentacles started drooling. One of the first things I noticed once I was over my sugary contact high, was that there were a few ponies here eating breakfast. However when I entered they quickly decided that they’d all left their ovens on at home and swiftly left. Also Misses Cake..... what was her name again? Meh. Anyway. Misses Cake was standing behind the counter smiling at me like I wasn’t a giant purple tentacle monster.

“Good morning dearies, what can I get you?” She said with a accent I was having a hard placing.

I stepped up to the counter. “You are surprisingly chill for having a tentacle monster in your shop.”

“Oh it’s not the first time. Pinkie’s summoned some very nice ones in our basement.” She smiled with a small giggle.

“Wat.” I blinked.

“Wait... Pinkie did what!?” Lyra cried. “And she didn’t tell me?!”

“Well of course I didn’t tell you silly.” Pinkie was suddenly between Lyra and I, which caused both of us to jump. “Do you know how long it takes a Shoggoth to talk through the issues it’s having?” Pinkie Narrowed her eyes at Lyra. “Lyra, you’d just continue the stereotype that all tentacle monsters want is just to bang mares. That’s a falsehood and you should be ashamed!”

Lyra’s mouth was hanging opened.

I was applauding! “Hell yeah! You tell her Pinkie!”

Pinkie spun towards me. “Thanks Dritchy. Here, I made these for you.” Suddenly my tentacles were holding a basket of muffins and a box containing an assortment of cookies. I’m not even going to question it. If Pinkie’s a cultist, or and Elder God herself, I don’t care.

“Pinkie you’re awesome.” I held out a fist and she bumped it.

“Thanks. So are you.” Then Pinkie disappeared. I could hear loud and happy humming coming from the kitchen.

“Well, it seems Pinkie doesn’t have to hold back around you two.” Misses Cake giggled. “Well, I guess all three of you are similar in a way.”

Nope! Not thinking about it! Quickly, browse the menu!

“Hmmmm.... I’ll get a box of the dozen glazed donuts, and a sixteen-ounce white chocolate mocha.” I said somewhat mechanically.

“Yes! I’ll get a Lemon Surprise muffin and I’ll also get a sixteen-ounce white chocolate mocha.” Lyra said as equally stunned as me.

“Sorry, Pinkie can have that effect on people. Even Elder Gods it seems.” Misses Cake said a little sheepishly as she got our food orders. “It’ll be a couple minutes on those drinks. Oh, and I’ll be sure to give yours a straw Mister Eldritch, I know beaks make it hard to drink things the way ponies do.”

After I retrieved our food, Lyra and I stiffly walked over to a booth and virtually collapsed onto the seats. I absentmindedly slid Lyra’s muffin over to her, and we began to eat in silence.

“Lyra.” I said after I’d finished half my box. “Ponyville scares me.”

“Yep.” Lyra nodded. “It has its days.”

“Your drinks are ready.” Misses Cake called from the counter. Lyra and I sighed in unison and got up to get our drinks, I moved my box to my last free tentacle. Wait... I needed revenge on Pinkie..... for being Pinkie and making my brain hurt.

“Hey Pinkie?” I called out.

Without a sound, she was there. “Yes Dritchy?”

“Drink this.” I held out the Starbucks can.

I noticed Lyra’s eyes widen. I’m guessing she knew what that was.

Pinkie yanked the can out of my hand with a hoof and pounded it down in moments.

“Lyra, we should leave.” I swiftly turned around as Pinkie began to crackle with pink lightning.

“Oh good, we're going to get all our baking done early.” Misses Cake said happily as Lyra and I swiftly left the bakery. As we did, I actually dreaded what I’d just unleashed.

“Home! Now!” I stated and I began to run, Lyra following on my heels.

I was once again sitting in the middle of the street with my arms crossed over my chest. Lyra sat next to me. I’d placed the basket of cookies on Twilight’s doorstep and the basket of muffins on Derpy’s. I doubted they would win either of them over. Lyra and I sat in silence, staring at the black box. There was a click and a yawning Vinyl slowly plodded out of the box, shut the door behind her, and trotted over to us.

“Morning.” She mumbled as she sat down on next to me on the side opposite Lyra. She blinked bareilly, looked at Lyra, then me, then look at the box. “What are you doin?”

“Waiting for you.” I said narrowing my eyes at the box.

“Eldritch has an idea.” Lyra explained for me. “He thinks he’s connected to his house in some weird Elder God metaphysical sense. He said he felt it most when Derpy hit it yesterday. Also, that would explain how everything has power and water when his place isn’t linked up to anything. He’s, in essence, passively making things happen.”

Vinyl breathed in a loud snort and adjusted her shades atop her horn. “Huh. So what’s he trying to do?”

“Redecorate.” I stated. I leaned forward. “Cube.”

The box became a equal-sided cube as quickly as I could blink.

“Rectangle.”

The box returned to normal.

“Hmmmmmm. Tower Rectangle.”

Tall tower.

“Green gem at the top.”

It Gained a large green gem on top of it.

“Green runes and lightning.”

The tower now glowed menacingly as green lightning arced around the gem at its’ peak.

“Bring them back my Lord.” I said in a hollow voice.

“What the Tartarus is that?” Vinyl gaped at my creation.

“Don’t you play Warpony forty-k?” Lyra asked.

“No. What’s that?” Vinyl asked.

I tuned out their conversation. Hmmmm time to get creative.

“Inn.”

Suddenly it was an inn right out of D&D.

"Necropolis.”

And now there was a three-story pyramid flying over Ponyville.

I noticed a crowd was starting to form as Lyra began to fill Vinyl in on the things I was turning my house into.

“Dalaran.”

Everything got darker as a massive circle of earth hovered over Ponyville.

I heard the stomping of hooves. Yay. Applause.

“ELDRITCH! WHAT IN TARTARUS ARE YOU DOING?”

Twilight’s scream made me jump to my feet.

“Back to normal!”

I spun around to see a very irate Twilight Sparkle. The previously gather crowd was giving her a wide berth.

“Hey Twilight.” I said a little weakly.

I held something out to her.

“Muffin?”

Author's Notes:

Sorry on the super long delay. My muse has been mostly on I Am Become Death, but I felt that I needed to get a chapter done and I’ve been writing bits of this one for awhile. So I’ve decided to finish this chapter. Also sorry if the quality is a bit lower than normal.