“Your Highness, we are here!” One of my guards suddenly called out from outside, which woke me up from the peaceful slumber I was just bewitched by.

I don’t know when, but apparently, I must have dozed off somehow during this so-called “short trip”, which turned out to be a lot longer than I originally anticipated.

Won't take that long, my ass! I even fell asleep on the way here somehow.

Either way, I stretched myself once I was fully awake and smacked my lips afterward while also feeling quite chilly around my midsection for some reason. I looked down, only to find my exposed belly and a large portion of my shirt mysteriously chewed off. Now, who in Heaven's name could have possibly done that? Maybe a certain red colored drake with a nasty habit of ruining meme-printed T-shirts and a serious lack of respect for someone's personal possessions? Could be, especially when the aforementioned culprit herself was already up and about, toying around with a certain legendary smartass of coffee-spilling proportion.

And here I was hoping that he could maybe keep her distracted long enough that such an incidence won't happen. But whatever, this is what I get for not bringing her crib with me to put her away from my shirt while being knocked out. What's done is done, which is also why I have personally made the effort beforehand to pack as many extra shirts as I could, for exactly such occasion.

I should be honest though, if it wasn’t for the dedicated work of my own personal tailors back home to give me a never-ending access to meme-printed shirts, I would have been running around topless long ago. Which no one really wanted, as there was really nothing to see on my naked torso beside a few chest hairs and some basic looking nipples. I am neither macho nor skinny. That would certainly be boring for most people, neither arousing nor disgusting, which again is boring.

Though after a while I grumbled, “Great... now, where exactly did I place that replacement shirt at?” I wondered to myself as I started to look around not really minding the fact that a certain duo was playing around with some ripped pillows, using their outside as cover and the filling as throwing ammunition.

It looked kinda messy, but I was more interested in finding that replacement shirt so that I can look a little bit more presentable for these tribesmen.

The image is everything in the world of politics, after all, right next to money. Oh... and keeping your political promises as well, of course, in case you don't want to live a really dangerous life.

“Uhm... Your Highness? Are you... even awake to...”

“YEEEEES, I am. Just... just hold on. I am in the middle of finding my replacement shirts. Just go and entertain them or whatever. Give me a minute or two, will ya?” I called back, turning the interior of this carriage on its head in order to find my missing suitcase which I somehow managed to misplace in such a tiny space.

And yes, it's an actual suitcase in case some of you are wondering. One specifically made and designed to my exact specifications to act as my shirt and underwear holding storage for long distance trips like this one. But none of that mattered now as long as I can’t find the bloody thing.

What good is a forward-thinking plan when you can’t bloody execute it? I have a word for that and it's “stupid”. Not that I am calling myself stupid or anything, but rather educating you all in the definition of this particular situation.

All of you invisible people out there. Don’t lie, I know that you are out there. I can smell it because someone farted.

“HA... finally found it! “I declared happily after finally finding the item I was looking for.

See, diving back into your own self-constructed insanity does help sometimes. Now I just needed to drown my self-inflicted paranoia with either a cup of coffee or my own tears.

Or just forget about it again, like with so many other things in and around my life.

Blessings to the concepts of ignorance and" zero fucks were given". Now all I had to do is replace my current shirt with a new one and let the boring talking part begin.

“You hear that?” I asked Penelope who was most likely not listening. “No chewing these shirts while we are here. Otherwise, I am going to be running around topless, which nobody really needs as there's nothing to see. Like, seriously, my body couldn’t possibly look even more boring then it does now. So... don't even bother.” I stated, before donning the new shirt on.

With my honor fully restored I proudly inhaled and quit the carriage, letting my exhale fill the hot savanna air outside and making me wish that I would have at least brought a parasol with me to protect my very sensitive skin from the bloody African heat.

Desert or not, even in more fertile plains the sun could be quite a bitch. There's nothing worse than having a brand new shirt sticking to you like glue thanks to all of the sweat your body likes leaking out.

I am regretting my decision of leaving the safety of my carriage already. But alas, “wer nicht wagt der nicht gewinnt” has always been the motto of my distant uncle, something I took to heart right about now, just to have a mental excuse to push myself forward to this meeting.

Building an empire requires a lot of sacrifices.

“Ah, Your Highness, finally. Welcome to Akamar, by the way. Home of the Steppe Raiders.” The same guard from before happily stated, gesturing towards the aforementioned city which laid in front of us. A sight which truly forced me to admire its view just for a few moments longer, only because of the fact that a large portion of the city itself was made out of tents and other food and fabric related structures.

The city itself, of course, also had a lot of solid building, mimicking the same architectural style which my city has with a hint of African influence mixed within those cone-shaped roofs.

Overall, the view of the valley I had was really great, only ruined by the fact that the person who was responsible for parking us up here has not fully taken into consideration that us being here meant having to go up and down between the city and the wagons on this cliff was going to be an absolute bitch.

Call me lazy, but having to constantly scale a cliff up and down is certainly not a something I would add to my list of things to do every freaking morning. So kudos to the genius who did this. I am certainly going to both promote him and then demote him again for both of his brilliance and stupidity for picking a cliffside as the final parking space for this caravan.

What an unsung hero.

Or, I could just send someone else to go fetch my things from this point on to spare me the legwork. Even Uxie would be a pretty good candidate for that. Though then again, I am not so sure about letting a freshly hatched Pokemon do all of my fetching work for me. I wouldn’t be surprised if Uxie still doesn’t know what a bug spray is to save his life, because I have, just in case this place gets infested with mosquitoes during the twilight hours.

Staying in a much more... humid environment was sure going to attract a lot more bloodsucking insects then hot and dry desert could. I got that aforementioned bug spray from a local alchemist downtown, in case someone is wondering. A young Zebra who originally came from the same exact lands I am currently present on. As a native, he would know, or so I hoped, as some of his brews looked more like bubbling vials of poison than anything resembling medicine or something you could use as a bug repellent.

“Uhm... Your Highness? Are we ready to go? Chief Tenojek and his companions are still currently waiting for us at the foot of the cliff as we speak. He previously stated that he liked to show you around the city a bit before leading you to his personal residence for a more private discussion. So we better hurry.” The guard next to me stated with a hint of concern.

I blinked for a couple of times before giving the patient little guard a confirming nod, letting him know that I was ready to scale down the cliff and to meet with this Chocobo riding chief and the rest of his Final Fantasy rip-offs.

“Alright, follow me then. Some of your guards are, of course, going to accompany us as well for duty related purposes. We may be within friendly lands but that still doesn’t mean we should let our guard down. It would truly be a disaster if anything would ever happen to you, Your Highness. Especially down here in the frontier.” The guard responded before finally leading the way as promised, with a couple of my personal guards joining us for the so-called “duty related purposes”. I am not sure if they were truly serious about their job of keeping me safe or not, or if they were just checking in some career-related boxes in order to reach their next promotion within the ranks of the Palace guard.

Climbing the career ladder also seemed to be of quite a high value within the working society of these striped equines, or maybe I was just overthinking this without even knowing these Zebras on a more personal level.

In a non-Homo way, of course. I am straight, after all, hailing from a world filled with either bisexual circle jerkers, or pansexual weirdos. Where the hell did we all go wrong?

“Gaga...” A very distinct sounding babble quickly echoed about before either me or my guards could properly leave this cliffside.

I turned my head towards its source and was a bit surprised to see both Uxie and Penelope within his tiny arms.

Did I really forget about them during my mental monologues? Normally I never forget about my little girl or the added responsibility of keeping a psychic mindfuck in line, because having access to the ability to wipe someone's mind is quite invaluable in the world of politics.

Wiping out someone memories and then telling them that they used to serve you this entire time was really a quick and easy way of getting rid of any political opposition or enemies, not to mention a lot less bloody as well, which certainly helps with your karma.

This isn’t Rome, after all, more like a strange copycat version Persia, which was known for both its governmental genius and cultural tolerance towards those they conquered. Don’t trust what the '300' depicted them as. That movie was total bullshit in a historical sense. All flash, no substance.

Now, what was I talking about again? Ahh, yes, the whole Uxie and Penelope dilemma.

I hummed. “I don’t think leaving you two alone in some foreign land is exactly the best parenting technique I should follow. I should know... because it happened to me once when I was in France. Which is also where my hate for Mickey Mouse was born: I lost sight of my family because of that stupid rat. I will never trust its children-mesmerizing look anymore... mostly because I am an adult now.” I stated, before angrily moving my fist into the air at the memory of Disney’s most child-molesting character.

I mean, just listen to his voice!

Either way, this open comment I gave about my first ever experience of Disneyland had a lot of my companions looking up at me with various levels of confusion.

Even Uxie seemed to be tilting his head at this, most likely because he hasn’t experienced that particular chapter of my memories yet. Which is good, because one-quarter of them wasn't exactly kid-friendly as far as I am concerned.

“Well...?” I asked, which in turn knocked Uxie out of his own confused state and he finally handed over the drake who was just babbling on as always.

Once that was done, I turned my attention back to my escort and gave the lead guard the go-forth gesture to finally descend this cliffside so that the meeting could finally start. I have already wasted enough time as it was with my constant rambling and whatnot.

“Oh, and Uxie, would you mind keeping a... well... a close eye on the wagons around here? Sure, the remaining guards could do it as well, but your mind sense is probably a lot better than their regular vision. Just make sure none of the wild animals get too close to the provision carts and everyone should be fine. My stash of coffee and cheese is in there, and I would be damned if I lose those to some chuckling hyenas. Can you do that?” I requested.

Uxie just casually nodded, letting me know that he at least understood my message.

I smiled, before finally moving down the path which will hopefully lead me into the valley quickly, because the sun was still a bitch and I obviously didn’t have any sunscreen on me to protect myself from its radioactive blasts. Or a parasol, which would have been on my list of things to bring with me on this trip if I haven’t totally forgotten about it. But apparently having enough coffee and cheese was far more important to me than actually packing up clothes and other necessities.

But hey, food and drinks were also important, after all!

.............................................................................................................................................

“Ooh... I certainly like the color and atmosphere of this place. House-sized tents everywhere and with so many bright colors and mesmerizing patterns stitched onto their fabrics! For some reason, this place feels a lot more middle-eastern then my actual city did. Probably because of the more nomadic design that this place has, but... then again, what do I know?” I sincerely commented as I strolled through the outer sections of the city.

Which, by the way, was mostly dominated by this residential-looking tents or merchants of all colors and sizes. The merchants, in particular, were offering all kinds of goods which I personally had never seen in the extensive Bazaars back in the capital. Items such as animal furs or even precious ivory.

There were even a few shops offering unique cultivated goods such as cacao, sugar canes and even spices, along with some more exotic goods which I am sure must have come from completely different areas of this world, because I don’t think a roman style helmet with a hole in the middle was something these Persian or African-inspired Zebras would use.

A lot of these more exotic goods looked a bit too “western” to me for them to be made around here.

All of this diverse display of goods was quite intriguing to me, especially when it seemed like this city had a vastly larger market offering than my own. Which was also supposed to be the ancient capital, by the way, a status that should normally give it access to pretty much all the unique and exotic goods that these lands can provide.

A new expansion plan for my city was already brewing inside my mind by just looking at this place. But such plans would have to obviously wait until I can figure out why this smaller looking settlement to the south sported a much larger and more diverse market then the so-called capital of these lands.

A question a certain Tenojek had to answer as I turned my attention towards him.

“Chief Tenojek?” I called out to get his attention, which thankfully worked, as he promptly switched his attention from one of his men to me.

Not sure what he was talking about with them, but then again, who cares.

“Where exactly did all of these goods here come from? Some of them even seem to be imported from really far away, judging by the way they look so... foreign. What exactly makes your tribe's market so freaking diverse... if you don’t mind me asking?” I questioned while gesturing at one of the market tents we passed, this one selling fabrics and clothes which again didn’t look very Zebra-like or made.

Especially those pants-looking things. Most likely made for those Minotaurs, but then again, I am just guessing here. Maybe there's some form of monkey race out there that has a similar body structure as humans. Who knows.

Tenojek hummed before halting on his trot, which also forced me to stop, for obvious reasons. “Well, that is actually quite easy to answer.” He began before turning around to address me fully. “For one, our expertise as Chomori riders and tamers has made it superbly easy for us to move or transfer goods to and from all possible locations within these lands, with both great speed and far-reaching distance. A trade which has easily made me and my tribe very rich on both local and even foreign goods, as you can see here.” He stated before waving a hoof at all nearby stalls, tents, and merchants around us.

He then continued. “Also, having this city situated right in the middle of the old East coast to West coast trading route also helped. This city was actually built as a central trading hub for the whole continent during the times of the Old Empire. Though most of its infrastructure has long fallen into disarray, which has forced my forefathers to rebuild most of its old buildings when my tribe first settled here from the eastern grasslands. But it was obviously worth it, as you can clearly see.” Tenojek added with a hint of pride within his tone.

I nodded to that little backstory as I began looking around. It was quite interesting to hear these tidbits of backstory lore of a time that has long since passed before I was even a sperm. Before my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was even a sperm. Wow, those are a lot of greats certainly, my family must be really great to have so many great-grandfathers under our belt.

They must have been some kick-ass fathers with even more kick-ass parenting skills to be so great. Which at least explained why I am such a goddamn good caretaker myself towards Penelope, who has once again chewed off my left sleeve and caused one of the tents to catch fire via her dragon burp.

The irony could be such a fucking bitch sometimes, but so is a little drake who was always getting antsy for the chewies. It seems that her little baby tummy was once again requiring “the sustenance” to stop it from barfing up flames and destroying my shirts on a rather consistent basis.

This was certainly starting to get old, even for me.

“Excuse Penelope’s tendencies to ignite things on fire whenever she gets hungry. It is a very common theme back at the royal city which all of my Palace guards and servants are quite used to already. This is hardly a major issue.” I confidentially stated as the tent owners were already trying their best to smother out the small flames which have engulfed their mobile home. With a bucketful of water, of course.

“Here, for your troubles,” I announced, throwing a large emerald I fetched from my pocket at the stallion.

Because carrying coins is a hassle. Not to mention impractical for tiny pockets such as these which my Pajamas are equipped with. So why bother carrying gold when you can use gems as a currency as well? Which also had a much higher value than simple coins too. They were basically the 500 euro banknote of this world.

Either way, the random stallion simply gave his thanks for my offering before stashing the gem away for safekeeping.

With that, I turned my attention back to my fellow host of the day.

It was clear that this trip had to be cut short if I didn’t want to risk her burning the entire town before we could even reach this so-called private residence which Tenojek has been talking about this entire time. This was actually also why I have gems in my pocket in the first place: to have a reachable access to snacks for Penelope to chew when situations like these do happen. Though the best source of sustenance for her was, of course, still milk, just like for almost any infant out there who lacked the proper jaw strength to really bite anything.

Well... except for Penelope, of course, who had no problems with chewing on some actual gems with that pin needle size teeth of hers. But that was a brain-breaker for another day.

“Well... could we maybe cut this tour short and just head straight for your local residence instead? As I stated before, Penelope can get quite hot-headed if her nourishment needs are not met. And looking around in your settlement a bit more, keeping her hungry is certainly not a very good idea at all. At least within the cities limits, that is.” I stated.

Tenojek paused before eventually nodding to my idea. “Very well, in that case, I can just send one of my men ahead of us, to inform the servants that they should already start with the preparations for the feast, and of course get some freshly milked goat milk for your little infant. The trek from here to the central district of Akamar is not that long, only around ten minutes or so.” He responded, before sending out one of the aforementioned men and letting him loose to do his thing.

I smiled at that, knowing that another potential disaster is going to be diverted this day. Or at least minimized, judging how frequently Penelope was starting to barf out these flames. If something does go up in flames in this place, then it's certainly going to mimic the great fire of Rome with the same dramatic effect, the only difference being that this place is going to burn down a lot faster than a city filled with orgy-obsessed psychopaths did.

This was certainly one bad (or maybe good) aspect that the Romans had. They were all mentally ill nutcases. Especially their Emperors.

With that, the trek has continued straight for Tenojek’s residence while keeping Penelope’s snout pointed away from anything that was even remotely flammable. Which isn’t exactly easy when everything around you is just begging to be set on fire by my own little pyromaniac which slumbers within all of us.

Human psyche. Both fascinating and dangerous at the same time. In a way, we were all born as little sadistic psychopaths, the only difference that separates us from the truly insane is the different levels of volume that this little voice within our heads whispers to us subconsciously.

For some, it is loud, for some, it is not. For some, those bastards have bought themselves a full mic and stereo set combo to start blasting their messages out like a heavy metal singer on a crack.

Some of these internal voices really didn’t know the concept of subtlety, which is then also perfectly reflected by those affected by it.

I suddenly felt a lot more conscious about myself than I normally would have been. I think I have just transcended into a higher plane of madness with that self-revelation.

Sheogorath preserve us.

.............................................................................................................................................

“Here you go, sire, the freshly milked goat milk which you ordered. Sorry that we don’t have one of those “baby bottles” you mentioned earlier. We just poured it into a normal bottle instead. I hope that this will suffice?” The mare servant explained before finally handing me the bottle I so anxiously desired. Because Penelope was really starting to heat up.

Quite literally.

Who knew that hungry dragons were so dangerous? I should really keep this in mind at the next possible battle or fight I might eventually face because keeping her unfed was apparently a foolproof recipe of creating my very own portable flamethrower when things really start to get serious.

I am sure that bringing a flamethrower to a sword fight is certainly going to end up with a HUGE advantage on my side.

In the end, it's really about playing as unfair as mortally possible. Only idiots fight fair and only self-indulgent masochists are taking honor really seriously. I am all about survival. The rule of the jungle, baby!

But either way, before getting myself sidetracked once more and most likely wasting everyone’s time, I decided to just subconsciously take the offered bottle from the maid and shove it right into Penelope’s open mouth to quench her flames.

Apparently, it worked, as she soon started to suckle on the bottle, like kitchen sink drain with a vacuum cleaner attached to it.

A wonderful metaphor which was also true. I once tried to clean out a clogged-up sink with a vacuum cleaner back in my Earth-living days, which just resulted into an even bigger mess as the sink pipe ruptured. In the end, I had to hire Mario’s distant cousin in order to get that mess sorted out and my dignity restored.

One of my cousins obviously had to pay for all of that, as my wallet was 'unfortunately' lost during my last outing to the local mall. Which I, of course, 'got back' after a couple of days, thanks to an honest and helpful 'citizens' who brought it back to me.

Good thing my wallet was already empty when I lost it. I personally always kept my small change hidden inside an old sock which was secretly stashed under my bed. Something which any sane person should do when living with a handful of cousins under the same roof.

What was I talking about again? Ah, yes, me feeding Penelope while sitting cross-legged inside this marvelous looking residence of dear old Tenojek. Which basically was just a half-repaired estate with the other half being compensated with a very large tent of his own, giving this place a real Middle-Eastern vibe with its style and decorations.

Or was it nomadic? I personally didn’t know as my personal knowledge of history is mostly focused around the BC eras of time and not really around the medieval period. Especially not about Arabia and many parts of Asia.

But at the same time, I was not a total doof when it came to those. If I was, then I wouldn’t be able to recognize these themes and patterns at all. Which should be an obvious conclusion.

I am crazy, not stupid.

But either way, who cares, especially with how cozy this place felt with its overall use of rags, blankets, carpets, and body-sized pillows on every inch of the walls and floors. I was even able to spot one of those smoking pipes in one corner of the room. Though if it was just here for decoration purposes or actually in use by its occupants is another question entirely. Tenojek certainly didn’t smell like a smoker to me whenever he opened his mouth.

Say what you want, you silly old smokers out there, you cannot lie to your girlfriends when the smell of your breath makes it very clear what your addictions really were. No matter how many times you brush your teeth or anything.

And no, I am obviously not talking about blowjobs or anything. Get your goddamn minds out of the gutter, you pervs. This adventure is rated M, not Adult.

“So...” Tenojek eventually began after being given his cup of tea by a female servant and blowing on it before finally addressing me directly once more. After he took a test sip of course. ”...tell me, what exactly brings you to the southernmost frontiers? A King like you would obviously have his reason in coming out here. There must be something.” Tenojek curiously asked before taking another sip from his cup.

Making me think about my coffee, and giving me the desire to sip on something myself to expose, or rather practice my own personal vice towards caffeine.

He was sipping and I did not. Even Penelope here was sucking on a bottle while my throat was dry. This was certainly one of those moments where a certain Uxie has my utmost permission to just pop into existence with my trusty coffee-filled mug in his hands. As long as he didn’t spill it like last time, of course.

“You hear that, Uxie? You can pop back in to give me that mug of coffee I kinda need right now. Just make sure you don’t clip my arm with your tail this time while I am holding it.” I announced completely out of the blue in hopes that this would work.

Uxie did it once, so why not a second time? Granted, he did come through the carriage curtains to deliver me that mug instead of just literally popping into existence. But hey, one can dream.

“Uhm... who is this Uxie you speak of?” Tenojek asked in confusion.

I shook my head. “Uh... someone who is keeping an eye on the caravan parked outside. You know, the one who had one of your man floating next to him when we first met? But either way, it's nothing important, really. Just wanted to test something out, and it apparently failed as you can tell.” I responded, trying to wave it off.

It worked, especially when I remembered the last question he asked, and decided to answer it right away in hopes of diverting this subject. Or to rather change it.

“So... to answer your previous question...” I suddenly began. “I have indeed come here for a very specific purpose. Mostly revolving around some reports that a form of trouble is brewing down here. So I just wanted to personally go and investigate this so-called ‘trouble’ myself and maybe even help to solve it if I can. Especially when I also heard that this issue mainly involved the two main Zebra tribes residing here. I'd like to prevent another war on homeland soil if I can. We are all under the same banner, theoretically speaking, of course.” I explained, which was of course only the half-truth, like with so many other things in my life.

But alas, who cares, especially when Tenojek began to grumble to himself after I mentioned the ”under the same banner” part of my answer.

He looked down at his cup with a frown. "Huh, I wish, but it seems that others don’t really think the same way as you about coming from the same exact lineage and whatnot." He commented, sounding quite angry about something.

“Oh... and what may be the source of this anger, if I may ask?” I questioned, while also trying to act very carefully. I obviously didn’t want to hit a nerve here, even though I am really good at it. When I least needed it.

Back in my world, at least.

He took a good hard sip from his cup, emptying it more or less with one big gulp before offering it to the maid behind him for a refilling. Which she, of course, did.

He took another big chug from his mug before finally replying. “Well, simple. I have a suspicion that those damn Sand Hunters may have taken my daughter. I don’t know how, but I just have this internal hunch. A fatherly intuition, if you will. A feeling which is solidified further when she managed to disappear only a couple of days after the Sand Hunters chieftain's son came to us as a peace ambassador in order to lessen the heavy tension mine and his tribe has for the copper-rich lands which lay right between our borders. It also doesn’t help that I also saw a couple of those arrow-shooting Sand-heads scouting about near our lands during the night of her disappearance, or at least according to MY scouts who were patrolling the trade routes. This whole situation is far too convenient to be just a total chance of fate in my opinion. This is actually the main reason why I was out there in the fields with my Riders. I was personally planning to give their chieftain a personal visit about this issue before you came into the picture. I guess I have to thank you for keeping me from getting some solid answers today. But then again, I am no stranger to when it comes to showing some hospitality to new foreign visitors. Such is the nature of being both a trader and Rider at the same time. A lack of hospitality towards new visitors is obviously bad for business, as you can guess.” He explained before finally calming down at the end of his long angry rant for most of it.

This was a lot to take in. Like, literally, the amount of info dump which was thrust upon me was kinda overkill. The dude didn’t even pause or give his tea a well-needed sip to calm his nerves. Which he was doing right now, to do just that.

“Another.” He ordered before presenting his empty cup to the servant behind him. The mare complied, refilling his cup and watching him gulp it down again just as fast, which, in turn, allowed her to refill it before the cycle simply repeats itself.

If this was alcohol, then he would have already been tipsy at this point. Though who knows, the tea might be actually mixed with a hint of alcohol for all I know. Back in my world, people always came up with new and sometimes strange ways of adding alcohol to everything.

But again, none of this was really a problem for me anymore as I am here and not there. Plus, I didn’t indulge myself in the sin of brainfucking my already brainfucked head with any more brainfucking substances.

Again, I liked to keep a small piece of my sanity intact, or it's going to be a one-trip ticket for me into dementia. The one place filled with fog and a shitton of murky waters. And I hate murky waters.

“Soooo...” I began, tapping my chin. “Basically saying, you have your hands... or hooves full with a lot of crap. Ongoing rivalry, land dispute and now a possible kidnapping as well. Truly this must have been the thunderstorm which Susi must have been talking about. What a mess.” I commented.

Tenojek on his part didn’t respond as he continued to chug down his tea until no more was left inside the servant's kettle. She quickly excused herself, promising to get more, which Tenojek calmly declined.

I guess he had his fill for today, which was understandable, judging how large that kettle actually was, being the size of his belly if I am guessing it correctly.

I could personally drink a lot more when it comes to both coffee and even Ice tea on hot occasions, in case someone likes to know.

After a while, he sighed. “Anyway, that is the story, then. The land dispute is something I can tolerate, but when my own daughter is thrown into the mix, I am ready to act drastically. So you must certainly understand the type of peril I am facing here. I am the victim here, not them, or whoever it is who has taken my child. I am going to have their heads, no matter who it is.” He stated, even menacingly at the end.

This truly placed me in a bit of a pickle. It certainly didn’t take a genius to figure out that I am going to be heavily involved with this, one way or another. Being the so-called Monkey King of these lands, it more or less falls onto me to commit acts of justice on those who actively wronged someone. If not for the law itself, then to simply strengthen my power and allegiance with the other tribes out there.

Again, the goal was to convince the remaining tribes out there that my claim to the throne is true and well-earned, allowing me full access to the Zebrica lands and the major shove I need to kickstart this ragtag of splintered tribes back into Empire status. Something which is easier said than done, as with so many other things in life.

Or maybe not, as I can also be quite lucky when I least expect it.

See what I mean when I said that this world is almost functioning as a video game?

Gotta check out all of the tutorial boxes first before the real fun can begin. That fun is “Veni, Vidi, Vici”. And maybe even mindfucking the enemies a bit, as I am pretty good at that.

But alas, there was now a very critical decision to make. Or maybe not, as this is a child kidnapping we were talking about. Some silly old land dispute can wait. For that, I will have to obviously travel to the place which those Sand Hunters call home, trying to personally talk to the chieftain there and see what he knew about this and to maybe even get the son's side of the story as well. Maybe he was innocent and has just returned home to his father with the same luggage he had when he first left.

Detective Alexander Becker the First is on the case. Now all I need is a detective hat, a magnifying glass, and a bubble pipe, then I will be all set in giving both Sherlock Holmes and Detective Conan a run for their fucking money.

Pay up, you British and Japanese noobs, because this German is about to pull up your underwear and expose the truth that both of you are wearing man-diapers for all of those crap-inducing crimes that you two always have to solve.

Because I had something that neither him or him could ever claim ownership on. Money, lots and lots of fucking money, and a whole army at my beck and call. This case was already solved, with the power of money, bribery, and political assassinations.

Well, really not the ass ass ass part, but you get the point.

“Uhm... are you alright? You have been grinning like this the entire time, and it's... kinda disheartening.” Tenojek suddenly commented, which in turn pulled me out of my thoughts and back to the reality that was this fluffied living room. Or whatever it was Tenojek here calls this room.

I jumped up, almost causing him to do the same out of fright. “I am going to do it. Detective Alexander Becker the “Magnificent” is on the case! I shall travel to the Sand Hunters hideout and speak with the chieftain myself in order to act as a neutral faction between you two. I can most likely get a bit more info out of him than you, the bad blood between you two and whatnot. So I shall go and get to the bottom of this mystery myself. For everyone's sake, and for peace!” I announced, even going so far as striking a pose with one of my arms pointed upwards along with my index finger to make this glorious announcement of mine even more glorious.

Heck, even the window curtains right behind me were blown to the side when I made that speech, giving me this classic looking halo from behind which only added to the overall epicness of this scene. All that was missing at this point were, of course, angels singing chorals in the background. But one cannot have everything at the same time, now can they?

Let's not act spoiled here in a serious case of child kidnapping. That would just be unethical and rude, even for me.

Tenojek acted somewhat confused. “Hmm... well, I guess letting you do the talking would, in the end, certainly be the less stressful option to take instead of just allowing my frustration shine and possible start a direct conflict because of that. So again, this might actually be the better option in the end.” He stated while stroking his long narrow beard in thought.

I nodded. “Exactly, let me do most of the actual talking while you can concentrate more on broadening your search around the steppes for your dear little daughter. I have nothing better to do at this stage, so why not let my otherworldly charm work its magic on these people? Quite literally otherworldly, now that I think about it.” I added, smiling at this little realization.

This is then when I realized something else, which should have normally never left my mind in the first place.

Penelope.

Especially that I am no longer feeling her weight on my arm.

I began to look around, thinking that I may have launched her off during my sudden jump. But thankfully, this idea was proven false as I spotted her on one of the pillows next to me snoring away. I guess she must have crawled off my arms at some point when I was once again busy in exercising my thoughts.

Doesn’t matter, though, as I now had the idea on what to do next from here: playing both the diplomat and local detective to solve this case. It is time to do some digging, and let all of my guards to do most of it.

Because I could not be bothered to dig holes myself, my poor little hands are going to get scratched and dirty from that, and we don’t want that, do we?

Time to give Gilgamesh as a visit. Or so I think.