Traveling from the greener pastures of the Savanna and returning back into the harsh and arid landscape of the Zebrican deserts is certainly not that much of a change when it comes to outside temperatures and the fucking sun itself. But that’s what my personal carriage was made for anyway; to act as my personal retreat for my rather sensitive WHITE skin. Or should I call it my supreme Aryan type skin of genetic perfection compared to any other skin color out there.

I’m joking of course, which can also be called a metaphor of my life; where everything and nothing is a joke. Just like reality itself when you really think about it.

But whatever, it is what it is, and I should be thankful for my position as king, because thanks to that I can just easily lazy my way out from a lot of my personal problems that the average living citizens cannot.

Hurray for the allusively made class system and its literal unfairness to those that crawl around beneath it. I’m of course not talking about slavery or anything, but rather the common workers’ work, which in turn allows life to be easy and comfortable for the upper classes.

I am of course going to pay these workers handsomely for their dedication to society in order to keep luxuries such as these a consistent possibility for me and my equals. Money is certainly not a problem with that and certainly not morality as well. Plus, it would mean a much more healthy and flexible economy as well. Spending money makes money and makes everyone benefit from the economic upswing, which in turn just makes even more money.

Or at the very least happy faces, which is also a plus.

That is… if I am really paying anyone else for their work besides my guards. Again, I have to personally go check or ask for any type of expenditure records when I get back. That is… if I can remember to actually do so.

But whatever. Such unrelated issues are for future Alexander to worry about, not exactly me. Especially when I have a far bigger issue on my hands right now in regards to preventing a second Trojan War on my own home soil. Or rather, the start of one if this world has never had one.

I may love the stories of the Iliad, but that still doesn’t mean that I want to have the blood of my subjects coating the sands of this arid desert for my own personal love for the classics. I already had to go through two major conflicts already, and having a third so close to the other two is not just going to be damaging to the overall moral of the people, but mine as well, as lengthy funerals bore me. That is, before the food can finally be given out at the end of one.

Funerals are kinda like weddings from my experience, where a large majority of people only go to them for the free food.

Thinking with your stomachs people. As long as you do that then you will always belong within the multi-colored society which the world is made off. Food brings people together, followed by money, and of course, sex.

Like… almost literally.

Though besides that, both Penelope and Uxie were sleeping in together which honestly looks absolutely adorable. I wonder if Uxie was currently invading Penelope’s dreams as well the same way he did to me? An interesting question to make, which also leads me to wonder what a little drake like Penelope could possibly dream of in such an early stage of her life?

Maybe about fire? Or possibly dreaming about a sea of meme printed shirts on which she could chew on and leave me completely shirtless as a result?

Still an infant and already trying to undress me in the most crude and barbaric way. I can only imagine how extreme she will be when finally receiving the mental understanding of sexuality.

It's going to be a mad world I tell you. Just mad.

“Mhmmm… maybe I will have to invest in a chastity belt in the near future. Most of my daily followers are actually all females, which in turn really makes me very vulnerable for a potential target. Especially given my status. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if one of them is eventually starting to get bold. And I am not talking about hair falling off from someone scalp or anything, in case someone is listening on me.” I mumbled as the carriage continued to softly rock back and forth as it’s pulled along the road.

Making me somewhat sleepy as well, now that I think about it. Which in turn at least makes me realize why both Penelope and Uxie here suddenly fell asleep along the way. Even though Uxie shouldn’t be able to feel the swinging motion of the carriage himself, as he is levitating about for most of the time. But whatever, the more kids who sleep the better. At least this meant that the interior design of the carriage won't get violated even further. With the few pillows and blankets that these two have vandalized before still littering the wooden floors. The pillow fillings especially were just everywhere.

“Your Highness, I think we have finally arrived. I can see the top of the citadel from here already.” One of my guards suddenly shouted from outside.

This of course got me curious as I poked my head through the window curtains to see this myself. And true to his word, I did see something poking out from on top of a rather large cliffside. Or rather, poking out from a cliff wall, as we were traveling right through a gorge of some sort. A more… rocky section of the expansive Zebrican desert, filled with these cliffs and canyons. With one of the twin rivers from the capital actually flowing through these lands themselves. Or so I was told when I spotted it glimmering and flowing about in the distance when we eventually crossed the thresholds. I guess these two rivers eventually split off at some point and continue to flow further south separately to some remote corner of the lands in which I am still unaware off.

Kinda like the Nile in a way. Where it, at some point, splits off into two separate rivers further down the line.

“Well look at that. Certainly looks a lot bigger than I originally imagined. At least judging by its title.” I eventually commented when the entire thing finally came into full view when me and the rest of the Caravan finally made it through the gorge.

I said ‘title’ because it’s known as Hittar Fortress. Or rather, it was, as it's now known simply as Hittar, as it’s far more than just a military installation nowadays. I can tell from just looking at it from here; boasting a much longer spanning wall that starts from the old citadel up on a cliff and went all the way down where the aforementioned river flows through.

Certainly giving the appearance that it’s far more than just an old fortress now. It looks far too large in land area for it to be just that.

I would guess that over the decades, the originally intended military fortress eventually grew into a full blown community as more people began to settle and work in the shadow of the well-fortified location. Which is a pretty natural transition for how most towns or even cities got created. Plus, the added bonus of having a major river nearby with fertile banks didn't hurt.

Again, another common source as to how communities can from. Though that is where my general knowledge and overall guesses for this place stop, as that was all I was generally given about the overall name, purpose and vague history of this place from Tenojek.

The separate Zebra tribes don’t really interact that much with one another for them to be even fully aware or even interested in the overall history of whatever region they reside. Even more so for rivals, like the Sand Hunters and the Steppe Riders.

But it doesn’t matter, especially when all of these question are going to be answered sooner or later as we slowly began to approach the sand-battered walls of this extended settlement. In fact, we were making our way directly up the cliff where the citadel was towering above the surrounding countryside, instead of the river valley it’s overlooking. Could actually be a good thing though; having the only true entrance into the settlement go through the most heavily defended section of this… well, city I guess, is quite good. Again, rather typical for many old fortresses and especially in medieval castles.

Man I must sound incredibly nerdy right now, don’t I? Not something you typically relate to with a random eccentric character such as myself. Which is good; it adds to the overall unpredictability of my personality.

The more enemies I can deceive, the better.

*Yawn...

“If they are awake enough to even be deceived, that is. Of course, a sleeping enemy is still the best enemy in my opinion. Getting some of that sweet ‘sneak kill multiplier’ and whatnot.” I thought to myself before pulling my head back inside to look at its source.

It was actually Uxie, stretching his arms and almost non-existent legs as the little bugger woke up. He even went so far as to scratch his backside and smack his lips, which in turn just made me proud.

This little guy is also learning rather quickly. Which is not to surprising for the spirit of knowledge. Learning shit quickly should be part of the birth certificate. Along with a shoe-shaped footprint while we’re at it.

“Your Highness, we are closing in on the main gate.” The same guard from before shouted, which forced me to poke my head back out into the open alongside Uxie interestingly enough.

Must look silly having two different heads poking out of the same carriage window.

“Not so close Uxie, you’re blocking my view.”

“Halt, who goes there?” Someone suddenly shouted from atop the gate as we stopped.

The same guard who had been the open voice of conversation since this trip started stepped up. Moving up in front of the train and gazing up to the head sticking out from the merlons above.

The dude cleared his throat. “We are Zebras hailing from the old capital of Achaemidia. The Monkey King himself is with us, who wishes to request an audition with your chieftain.” The guard shouted back.

This response led to a few moments of silence as the dudes up on the walls were most likely debating on the decision of if they should allow us entry or not. That is, until I managed to hear a faint voice echoing from behind the merlons, which kinda sounded old and a bit gruff.

Which is quite the feat when you consider the fact that the walls of these… well walls are absolutely huge. Certainly taller then the city walls I have back in Achaemidia.

This of course made me jealous. I want to be the one sporting the biggest walls of all the other walls out there. To show those who have walls as to how truly tiny their walls are and make them feel insecure on the fact on how small their walls truly are in comparison to mine. Making them want to join my cause because my walls offer much better protection than their walls.

This idea is almost worth writing down in the “Politics for Dummies” guide book. Big walls help you to get more votes. Sound almost similar to some American guy with fake hair. But I can’t really name him right from the tip of my tongue to save my life.

So let's not even try and focus more on the reality at hand here.

Especially when the same head from before returned.

“Alright, you can all enter. Just give us a minute to open the gates.” The dude on top screamed back before once again disappearing.

A couple of minutes past before some old sounding gears and chains could be heard moving and grinding from the other side, followed by the slow and steady opening of the double doors and the raising of the portcullis behind it. Didn’t know that this gate also had a portcullis. But alas, it obviously did. Shouldn’t be too surprised though when you consider the fact that this was first a fortress.

Such defensive measures are kinda common for military installations and structures.

“Hmm...well this place is certainly ready for any attack. Tenojek and his Riders are certainly going to have one hell of a time if things ever turn full-on hostile between these two. The Sand Hunters don’t even need to come out of their walls if that’s the case. Even more so when these Zebra specialized themselves in ranged warfare and guerrilla tactics. Such a place is just like a match made in heaven for them.” I mentally deduct before the rest of the baggage train and I finally moved on into the compound.

Or rather, the fortress’ front courtyard. Which is a fairly large open space with the main citadel overlooking it on top of a cliff. Not a cliff that was the same height as mine back at the Capital, but certainly tall enough for the structure to overlook the walls surrounding it.

The citadel itself did kinda look like the Palace-like portion of the city of Troy in the movie Troy. Though only a lot more militarized than luxurious, a lot less open windows and a lot more battlements and towers. Four of them in fact, on each corner

Though overall, the most obvious style I see around me is your typical Middle Eastern fortress from either the Assyrian or again Persian days. Like with a lot of architectures and styles in these lands along with most of their clothing and armor. Including her.

“Welcome to Hittar, fellow kin. I hope you all truly come in peace just as my guards informed me.” Someone suddenly greeted as I stepped out the carriage after it stopped.

It was actually the same voice I heard outside the gates which was intriguing. Even more so when I was greeted with was fairly well roped dude surrounded by equally well dressed and armored individuals around him. All looking like the same Sand Hunters I saw before we moved to intercept the Minotaur at the eastern edge of the continent.

This gave me some epic flashbacks. Never before have I been so high on caffeine in my whole life that I basically managed to miss an entire real life battle over it. Not to mentioned meeting Willy Wonka in the flesh… or rather as a caffeine-induced version of him.

But alas, let's just focus on the more important meet-and-greet than allowing myself to be entranced by some unnecessary flashbacks. I can do that later when I am not trying to be
responsible for once.

“Ah...so you must be the famed new Monkey King the legends have been talking about. The coming of a new age, with the return of the old bloodline, or at least that is what the old prophecies say, according to the high priests back in the old Capital. Quite curious indeed.” The old man greeted before rubbing his chin with intrigue.

I smiled, before making my way to his group with my own personal band of guards to flank me on both sides, in order to match them in numbers.

Now the soccer match can finally begin. With me acting as the couch of course, who is shouting inappropriate insults and racial slurs at his team for the incompetence and lack of scoring goals.

Or maybe now, as I was never really a soccer fan to begin with. Or really any form of sports really.

“Greetings to you too chief…?”

“Chieftain Solum of the Sand Hunter. Yours truly.” He introduced himself with a short bow which I kindly returned.

“The pleasure is all mine, Solum. I am Alexander Becker the First. King of Achaemidia and the so called ‘Monkey King’ to usher in this new age. I have to say, you have quite the impressive looking home here. These walls are by far the highest I have ever seen in these lands. Quite remarkably really.” I responded, giving off my comments on this well fortified fort.

The old man smiled. “Well yes, of course. It was constructed generations ago by my forefathers. During the times of the old Empire to safeguard the northern and southern trading and shipping routes from the desert to the steppes. This fort in fact is just one of many ancient forts which dot the inlands of Zebrica, all serving as guard and resting posts for the old trading route highways, which are rarely used these days, sadly enough.” Solum explained which tickled my inner lore master quite a bit.

More interesting backstory of all the different places that these lands have to offer. Even more so now that I know that their might easily be a lot more of these forts out there. Either occupied or abandoned. Either way, the existing infrastructure would certainly makes itself useful in the future. Plus it would also make these lands a total bitch to invade when at every ten meters or so was another fortress just waiting for them to tare down.

Truly turning a hostile conquest into another video game mechanic. Forcing the enemy to move to each and every fortress one at the time, with harder and harder difficulty curves the further they penetrate deeper into the heartlands.

So this is how being a game developer feels like? Feels just as sadistic as I always imagined it to be. But then again, getting bullied from most of you school days does leave a negative psyche behind when these fuckers finally leave their respective institutes with a piece of paper in their hands. Those feelings do reflect themselves in video game making after all.

I hummed to myself quietly at this little self realization before focusing back on the stallion before anyone could even notice that I was mentally absent once again. I am here on a diplomatic mission, after all. No as a circus actor.

There is enough time for that later after I get everything straight here. Those flag poles bent at 40 degrees up on the towers are really triggering my OCD tendencies. Not for the same reason as you may thing.

Nature is such a bitch sometimes.

Either way, I quickly nodded. “I see, well personally it is always exhilarating to learn more about these lands and their long extending history. I am actually a history buff myself in case you haven’t guessed already.” I commented, making the old dude smile.

“A quite marvelous interest to have in my opinion. But enough chit chat, the sun is beating down on us as you can most likely tell, and I am also quite parched. We can easily continue this meeting back inside the Citadel where it will be a lot cooler. Would that be alright?” Solum suggested.

I nod. “Sure, I am personally no fan of the sun either. Its radioactive rays are not too good for my skin and I am not fond of becoming a reversed Michael Jackson myself. That trend has been done to death looooong ago.” I responded while trying to fan myself with my right hand.

It works just as good as you would imagine.

It actually works, no really, along with the slight confusion I have created.

But I quickly waved it off before anything else could stop me from getting out of this blasted sun. Besides me of course.

“Never mind, let's just get inside already as I would love to have a drink myself. Do you guys maybe have ice tea or something? Because I could really use one if I want to be honest.” I stated, imaging a full glass of lemon ice tea in front of me with some real lemon juice inside of it.

Ah, the glorious taste of lemon ice tea. Certainly a second contender to my love of coffee, if I had some freaking ice tea that is.

The old man shook his head. “No, we certainly don’t have this “ice tea,” but we do have some regular coconut tea of that is fine. Sweeten with sugar as well.” Solum responded, making me rub my chin in thought.

“Ooh, coconut tea. Sounds fancy. I think I’m ready to have some of that if that is ok?” I responded myself. Feeling quite intrigued at the idea of some hot coconut juice.

Usually you drink that shit at room temperature or just add some ice into it, but hot is certainly new to me.

The old man nodded. “Well of course, but let's just head back inside to escape this heat. We may be accustomed to the desert but that still doesn’t meant we are masters of it. The desert always had a will of its own, no matter how hard you try to tame it.” The old geezer commented before signaling me to follow him.

I was about to when a thought suddenly entered my mind. A thought I should have thought of sooner. Otherwise I will not be able to get any of the brownie points from next month Understanding Parents convention.

I am dedicated to get those points, so that I can win that lifetime supply of milk that it offers. Or, I could just demand milk for me and my drake on a regular basis. I am the freaking king after all so why even bother taking part in a contest when I can rig the contest legally? Also why pull my balls out for a lifetime of milk? Oh wait, because I love milk and anything related to it like cheese and ice cream.

Though thinking about my little girls, also made me realize on the fact that I really haven’t fed Uxie anything since day one besides...well cheese.

I should probably take him along as well this time as we are inside a fort. No wild animals or raiders here to rape my wagon a new asshole and allow all of my goods and provision to be shit out.

Now there is a good metaphor for how to explain raiders raiding your stuff. I need to write that shit down somewhere when I get the chance to. But for now let's just focus more on reality and my one adopted daughter and self-hatched Pokémon.

“Oh wait...I remember something. Just let me get my drake and Pokémon before we head inside. Won’t take a minute.” I stated before dashing back to my personal carriage.

Which was just as over-designed, colorful and golden as you would imagine. Like with everything else that is now mine. These Zebra really take their shit seriously when it comes to showering me with luxuries I honestly don’t need or ask for.

Personally that money should be spent on things I can actually make use of or eat rather than pimping up a carriage. Which is made even more redundant when you take into consideration that I have at least a hundred of the so-called “royal carriages” stored away in one of the Palace’s many warehouses.

Seriously though, my predecessors were either mad just like me, or really, REALLY filled with ego. So much ego in fact that they had to exceed some of that ego in such crazy ideas as to build a hundred different carriage for them alone and such. Then we have the Palace itself of course, which is just a massive dick measuring contest on its own.

But that is YET AGAIN, another story for another day. Now all I have to do is go get the two kids and be on my way to have some of that exotic sounding coconut tea. My future sight senses tell me that this is going to blow me away, so I definitely need Uxie by my side so that he can catch me before I can fly out the window.

This is a serious case of self-preserving safety.

“Oh, you’re already awake. Then there's no need to make this awkward or anything.” I commented, before picking the yawning drake off her pillow and into my arm.

“Come Uxie, you can come too this time.” I added to which Uxie just smiled before following me out of the carriage.

Solum and his gang were of course surprised by my sudden addition. Especially towards Uxie who is by far the most “unique” looking thing here.

There is certainly no debating that. I mean, you certainly don’t see someone floating about with completely closed eyes anyway. You would think that being a flier, you would have the greatest eyesight of them all. Wide open, and always on the lookout for any obstacles.

But not with Uxie, which is certainly weird and worthy of a raised eyebrow.

“So uhm… those are like your… children, then?” Solum question.

I nodded. “Indeed they are. Well the drake here is. Uxie over here is actually younger than her but act a heck of a lot more mature. Well… mature for his age, that is.” I responded before quickly diverting the subject.

“Anyway, let’s just head inside yes? The longer I stay in the sun, the stickier my shirt gets, and I am certainly too lazy to trek back to the carriage to get my replacement shirts. So let's just hurry before I get drenched in sweat.” I stated.

Solum just hummed to himself for a moment while gazing up at Uxie. He then quickly shook his head when he realized I was staring at him.

“Well yes of course. The heat is starting to get to me as well. My wife say that I need the extra sunshine to get some strength back. But… all I’m feeling from it is the verge of a heat stroke.” The old stud commented before finally leading the way to his abode.

I of course followed, along with my protection and his guard as well into the belly of the stone beast. I wonder now what Bakuss and Susi might be doing back at the city. Certainly more productive things than me. I’m positive on that.