There’s a stigma against griffons that says we don’t do anything unless we profit off it. A lot of times that’s true, but we find it deeply offensive when it’s not. For instance, a lot of folks think the only griffons who get down and dirty are good for nothing mercenaries who would be more than happy to bail if a bigger source of coin comes around. If anyone thinks that, my grandpa would be more than happy to shove their heads up where the sun don’t shine, and then ram a broom stick up there for a threesome. His words.

Truth is we griffons have a proud history of military tradition going back long before Equestria was even a cluster of tents. My ancestors would not hesitate to dive head first into the front lines for their king and country, plowing away at the enemy to the rhythm of war drums and trumpets. It wasn’t just our trained soldiers. The wives and children would join the big battles if our backs were against the walls. Every griffon has a strong line of veterans in their family tree, and we’re damn proud of it. Sure, the Equestrians would call some of the stuff we’ve done “war crimes,” and some of the stigma might stem from that, but a good griffon would never, ever, sell out his honor just to make a few extra bits.

That said, I want to get paid for this shit.

With the wave of Zerg spilling out from the giant worm forces the Protoss army to split their attention between the worm and the front lines. A surprise surround attack can make things go tits up, and the Protoss know this. Their ground troops are clustering around their bigger units, forming a defensive line against the rear Zerg onslaught.

The colossal golden onion giraffe, for instance, is still firing towards the front line. But at the base of its legs there’s a cluster of soldiers beating off a rush of those demon hoppers. They’re all that’s there to stop the Zerg things, Zerglings?, from chewing up the giraffe’s legs. If the soldiers fall, the giraffe falls with them, the Protoss would lose their big siege unit, and things would go tits up from there.

Against my will, I’m fighting alongside the Protoss. Nothing against them, I just don’t want to be here. I lose my choice in the matter when the first Zergling tackles me and tries to rip my face off. Up close the monster looks damn ugly. I can understand an overgrown insect, we have lots of those in Equestria. But its face is uncanny. It looks like something I can talk to, but its vocal capabilities are hindered by the massive fangs jutting out of its mouth. Demon grasshopper indeed.

It gets two blades the size of its body in my chest, and then digs its teeth in my neck, and then it scratches up my hind legs with its back feet. I have no qualms about ripping it in half with my monster claws. My tentacles get in the action too. They shoot out and dissolve the little devil before either half of its body hits the floor.

The first Zergling took away my chance to escape. It gave enough time for his friends to swarm me. I get up in time to bisect one of his buddies with a claw. It goes down with a shriek. At the same time, two more Zerglings leap my flank. I stick a claw in the ground and one of them is torn to shreds in a cluster of spikes, while the other I swat at with my free claw and take off its demon face.

It doesn’t stop there. A hoard spills out from the worm and charges me. The next minute fills with our battle. My claws are put to work as they rip and tear through the Zerg swarm. Many get past my claws and stab or chop my butt up, but a slash or two later the tentacles are eating them up and stitching my flesh back together. This swarm is turning into a buffet for me, a buffet where I have to kill my own food and eat it raw. Glad I can’t taste these things. All the salt and pepper in the world wouldn’t drown out the flavor of demon hopper.

As I carry out my slaughter against this alien menace, I notice the Protoss aren’t doing so hot. The onion giraffe is still up, but other parts of the army are falling apart. The Zerglings are carving out pockets along the back line, and a lot of soldiers are fighting two or three Zerg at once. I see a couple vanish in a puff of light when a Zergling gets a good hit in. The dying screams of soldiers mesh with the shrieks of the swarm. I’d hate to see what the front line is like right now. Give it a few minutes, and enough Protoss will fall that I’ll see the back and front lines meet.

More Zerglings gush out of the giant worm. Some run towards me to gnaw at my ankles, while the rest pile up against the backline assault. No clue what’s going on at the front, but back here it’s chaos. But I can do something about it. If I stop the Zerg from coming out of the worm, then that’ll cut their forces from attacking the Protoss’s rear. Then the Protoss can focus on the front, I’ll gain their trust, and they’ll send me on my way back home.

Yeah, the worm. That sounds like a good place to go. Let’s get hacking.

After I eviscerate the last Zergling going for my face, another groups comes after me. I let out a mighty griffon roar and charge them. My shield forms in front of me and I plow into the group. Zerglings go flying in all directions! They try to bite and slash me, but there’s enough mass and momentum behind my shield to knock them all away.

I tear a line through the Zerg straight for the worm. More and more monster aliens thud against the shield as I get closer. I dare to look back, and I find the swarm I cut through closing the gap behind me and coming for my rear. The floor behind me is a thick sea of demon hoppers who all want a bite out of my ass. Of course they surround me. What did I think was going to happen?

Something shrieks above my head. I look up and see a Zergling perched on the top of my shield. How did that get up there? It jumps down and jabs its blades into my skull. The blades go right through my brain and burst out of my throat. Blood and goop spurt all over my shield. Geez, not the brain. I need that!

Through some miracle, blades in the brain don’t immediately end my life. Explosions didn’t do the trick, so why should this? But it does send a shock through my nervous system. My legs lock up, I trip over myself, and I roll over the shield. I hear the shield squish a cluster of Zerglings. Good news is I do a complete flip onto my back. Since the demon hopper is still on my back, my weight crushes the critter into a chunky pulp. The tentacles go to work cleaning the pulp out of my feathers.

The Zerglings take the chance to dogpile me and dig their blades and fangs into my flesh. I switch the shield for my monster claws and slash at the swarm, slicing and dicing the demon hoppers into bite sized chunks. The tentacles are going crazy with all this fresh meat. The Zerg are tearing me up, but the tentacles are keeping well ahead of the damage.

As nice as it is that I’m not dying, the Protoss don’t have the luxury of meat eating tentacles. Still need to kill the worm. I claw my way towards my target in spite of the hundreds of Zerglings climbing and dying on top of me. The worm is still standing, or lying, whatever worms do when they have their heads poking out of the ground. A healthy amount of Zerg is still pouring out of it. It’s a wonder how the Protoss are still alive if they have to deal with this mess.

I push up to the surface of the Zerg dogpile. One of my monster claws shifts into a tumor fist, and I slam down into a spot where the demon hoppers are clumping together. Limbs and guts go flying with the shockwave, leaving me a nice clearing to step into. I slam the fist down on another meaty crowd, sending more Zerg guts flying and clearing more ground for me.

I alternate between the tumor and the claw. The tumor on my right arm goes for the groups of Zerglings and turns them into a cloud of meat chunks, while the monster claw on my left arm tears through any Zerg who get past the tumor.

After a few moments, I notice it works. The tumor claw combo is clearing a way for me to get to the worm while keeping the Zerg at bay. I also notice that the Zerg figured my strategy out. They’re spreading out now, keeping far apart and staying out of the range of the tumor. When I strike with the tumor, they take advantage of the long wind up time and three or so will jump me on the right side. The get their fangs in before I have time to slice them away with the monster claw.

The demon hoppers aren’t dog piling me. They’re giving me space to move, but they’re taking advantage of my weaknesses. How intelligent are these things? I was under the impression they were a mindless swarm wanting to kill the Protoss or something like that. No, they have a reasonable understanding of tactics and strategy, at least enough to give me and the Protoss a run for our money. I just hope they’re not smart enough to throw one of those exploding rollers at me right now. That would, at best, throw me off position when I jump away and give the Zerglings a chance to dogpile me again. At worst, that would melt my face off.

Lucky for me, that doesn’t happen. I clear my way to the base of the worm. Up close, the thing is has some impressive girth. If you put together several of my industrial mixers from back home in a clump, this thing would be as wide as that, if not wider. Zerglings are crawling out from its lips, and they have to take a second or so to travel down the side and hit the ground. I didn’t realize the worm was as big as a boat when I was fighting the Zerg. Now that I’m here, I’m a bit stunned at its size.

Let’s get the obvious joke out of the way. How am I going to handle a dick head this size?

I check on the Protoss army to see how they’re doing. Better and worse at the same time. The fighting has moved towards the woods so the front line meets the tree line, so they’re at least pushing forward. Trouble is I don’t see as many of their bigger machines hanging around. It’s mostly ground troops and soldiers doing the fighting, along with a lot more of those energy ball guys shooting lighting all over the place. By one of the giant crystals, I see several clusters of light pillars form momentarily, and then a bunch of troops charging of from the pillars. At least they’re bringing in reinforcements.

What grabs my attention is the golden onion giraffe. It’s still blasting away at the front line, and it still has the cluster of soldiers at its feet defending the Zerg. But my eye catches a streak of movement. A rope or a line shoots from the sky and latches on to the giraffe. The giraffe recoils back from the impact, but then the line yoinks the giraffe into the air and over the heads of the Protoss army. Sheesh, that line has to have Tartarus levels of strength to pull that machine up in the air. The giraffe soars through the sky, then crashes into a mega tree, where it explodes in a ball of blue flame and golden shrapnel.

Well, there goes the Protoss’ main siege unit.

I’ll let them sort that out. Back to my own personal clusterfuck. How am I going to kill this massive worm? Piece by piece?

I slice a claw through the worm. My claw leaves three deep cuts in the worm’s flesh, causing the worm to shriek. From these cuts, a torrent of blood splashes across my face. Once the torrent dies down to a trickle, I wipe the blood off my face and flick it to the ground. That was nasty, but it looks like it did something. Now I just need to do a lot more.

I run around the worm in a circle, slicing wherever I can and fighting of all the Zerg trying to stop what I’m doing. Slice, fight, run, slice, fight, run. I’m giving the worm a ribbon of deep cuts around its neck. A lot of its blood is spraying all over me. I hope this thing doesn’t have any blood borne pathogens. The last thing I want is alien AIDS.

After a minute, I make it back around to where I started, finishing off the ribbon. The demon hoppers are putting up one heck of a fight in attempt to stop me. One problem. Despite the profuse bleeding, I haven’t stopped the worm. The worm is still standing, Zerg are still pouring out of the mouth, and to make matters worse, I think my earlier cuts are healing up. I can see my first cuts fusing back together and patching up good as new.

What?! This thing can regenerate? At this rate I’ll never bring the worm down.

A sharp spike in my shoulder breaks my train of thought. I gasp and grab the offending spot. Something’s dug into my shoulder blade. A line of my red goop sticks to the thing when I pull it out. It’s a needle, as thick as one of my talons and twice as long as my claw. The end is barbed, so it took out a strip of my flesh when I pulled it out. This did not come from a demon hopper. What the heck shot this thing?

A hiss above me catches my ears. I look up and see something new slithering out from the worm. At first the shape makes me think of a cobra. It’s a long, thick figure with a crest on the back of its head. It extends its front claws, which are less like claws and more like giant death blades. Sort of like the blades on the Zerglings, but bigger. It looks down at me with narrow eyes and opens its huge jaw, showing off its rows of massive fangs. Just like the Zerglings, this thing also has a demon face with demon fangs. What is it with Zerg and demon fangs?

The demon cobra hisses at me. With that face and that head crest, it sort of reminds me of those drawings of Hydras back in my home world. Sure, this monster doesn’t have multiple heads, but there’s something about it that looks Hydra-esk. Hydralisk? Hmm, not a bad name for a freak of nature.

In a move faster than my eyes can see, the Hydralisk flicks its head crest up. There’s a whizzing sound in the air, and another needle plows into my chest. The needle has enough force to knock me back a few feet. Son of a bison, that stings!

More hissing comes from the worm. Another wave of Zerglings leap out from the mouth, and behind them comes a line of Hydralisks. The demon cobras slither out to the edge and glare down at me. From only a glance, I count around somewhere between ten and twenty Hydras. Of course there are more of them!

The line of Hydralisks flick their crests. A storm of whizzing needles rains down on me. A good cactus’s worth of them spike into me before my shield shifts out. The needles thunk against my shield like rain. My arm recoils every time one hits. These things pack one heck of a punch.

With the whizzing needle storm above me, the Zerglings come from behind me. The first demon hopper jumps on my head and digs its fangs in between my wings. I yelp just as I slash it apart with a claw. Two more leap at me, and I swat the first, but the other latches on to my wrist. I kick it in the gut with my rear lion foot, splattering its entrails all over its encroaching friends. These monsters are relentless!

To combat the two pronged attack, I press my body up against the worm, keeping my shield up to hold off the needle rain. That leaves three other limbs, plus some support from my wings for balance, to slice up the Zerglings attacking me from the ground. Lash out with a claw, strike with a foot, keep the shield over me, I feel like a clown performing a juggling trick at the circus.

The enemy has my back up against the wall. Would be nice to get those women and children griffons to help me out like my ancestors did.

On either side of me, the Hydralisks slither down the side of the worm. When the demon cobras hit the floor, they flare up their crests and shoot me with needles. The one on my right gets me in the armpit. The one of the left gets me in the cheek. Ow ow, there goes my cover plan!

I bring the shield closer to me so it blocks my right side and my top, just in time to block the right Hydra’s needle. Holding the shield like this cuts off half my vision of the field, but that’s not my biggest problem right now.

The left Hydra nails me in the ear. All the sounds of chaos and battle go silent in that ear. On a whim, I slam my monster claw into the flesh of the worm. My tentacles dig through its muscle, and a cluster of blades burst out of its skin and impales the left Hydra, killing it instantly. The blades retract, pulling the Hydra against the worm and peeling it off my grip. It drops to the floor when my blades stop supporting it.

As the tentacle comes back into my arm, a thought crosses my mind. Didn’t I do something like that a while back? Not the impaling thing, but digging my claw through something’s body? Yeah, I did. A year ago, back in Manehattan, that’s how I finished off that giant pony guy. I shoved my tentacles in him and they ate that beast up.

That did not come out the way I wanted, but the message is still there. I can just eat the worm.

Before the monster claw tentacle comes all the way back, I force it to go back forward. I feel it split off into branches, each branch digging into a different part of the worm. The worm’s body quivers as it’s torn asunder from the inside. Why didn’t I think of this earlier?

One arm holding a shield, one arm in the worm, that leaves me only a foot to defend myself with. I kick a Zergling away from my exposed side when one of his buddies squeezes his way under my shield. By the time I catch him in the act, the little demon hopper is half way under wiggling his way up close to me. That gives me no time to react to the bastard leaping up on me and clawing my face away.

I scream. It rips my eyes out. I try knocking it away with my shield, but it’s too cumbersome to do anything useful here. All the shield does it brush the Zergling’s wings a bit. Out of panic, I tear my arm out of the worm, abandoning the tentacles inside, and slash the Zergling off my face. My eyes regenerate when the claw strike eats the Zergling up.

Right, can’t eat the worm without the swarm ripping me to shreds, otherwise this would be too easy. We can't have that.

How am I going to solve this problem? Think and fight, think and fight. There are Zerg all around me, Zerg above me, and they’re keeping me from doing anything. I need to find a way to stop them from attacking me so I can finish off them worm.

Time. Time is what I need. I could slay them all, but more reinforcements will come out of the worm and I’ll have to deal with them again. I’d I need to find a way to delay the Zerg long enough for me to have time to eat the worm. What about doing this at another spot? Is there anywhere I can go that the Zerg won’t get to me? That can buy me some time.

A Hydralisk slithering down flicks a needle at me. The needle whizzes past my defenses and nails me in the throat. I choke. I’m forced to keep on choking until after I get back at the Hydralisk with a ground spike. Only after then do I rip the needle out. More choking, lots of coughing! Blood went down the wrong pipe!

Hold on, choking?

With a sweep of the arm, I dissect three Zerglings at once, and I do it with a smile. Choking, eh? Now there’s an idea that might work. I’ve never been a fan of BDSM, but in this case I can make an exception.

Right after I finish off the three Zerglings, my claw and shield shift into tumor fists. The Hydralisks get their needles in me once my main defense comes down, but I’m just going to have to truck on through that crap. I raise the tumors up and slam them into the ground. They squash a group of Zerglings coming for my front and send a shockwave that either knock or stun the surrounding Zerg. That will keep them busy for a moment.

The fists shift to normal claws, and I super jump into the air. I zoom up past the line of Hydralisks and go far above everything.

At the peak of my jump, I’m high above the worm. From up here, I can see its circular mouth lined with large teeth. These damn Zerg and their teeth. Zerglings and Hydralisks are pouring out of that mouth and heading for the Protoss backline. I don’t care about the reinforcements. All I care about is the worm’s mouth.

Gravity pulls me back to the ground, and I angle my wings to direct my dive towards the open maw. When I’m sure I’m not going to miss, I extend out a claw and shift out my shield, pointing it down at the monster’s gullet. Open wide, here comes the choo choo train!

Light goes dark when I blast past the worm’s teeth and go down its throat. I hear the shrieks of Zerg as I knock them back into the abyss. The inside of the worm’s throat is all slimy and gooey. Better take a shower after this. I expand the width of the shield so the rim scrapes against the monster’s throat. The worm shrieks as I rip off its lining. I can feel the beast thrashing. After a moment, the friction kills my speed, and I am now stuck in the worm’s throat.

Ha, choke on me you oversized dirt eater!

I can feel the Zerg on the other side of my shield. They’re thrashing and slashing at the hardened tentacles, but they can’t do jack to my shield. Keep on trying, you freaks of nature. I made this thing to stop artillery fire. What makes you little monsters think you can break through?

A needle whizzes through the air and gets me in the shoulder. I wince, but ignore the pain for the most part. What concerns me is where it came from. The Hydralisks from before are gathering at the opening of the mouth and glaring down at me. They flick their crests and send a torrent of needles down the shaft.

With my free arm, I throw up another shield to block their attack. The needles all go thunk on the other side, protecting me from further attacks. I widen the shield to block off the Zerg from above, just in case.

Hmm, it’s damp in here. Also smells like bile. Nasty. Guess the Zerg aren’t worried about hygiene. Maybe that’s why they’re attacking the Protoss, to pick up some air fresheners.

The Zerg begin hammering away at my top shield, and more bang on my bottom. They’re assaulting me on both sides, but they can’t get through. That’s great. They can’t bug me while I get my business done.

With both my arms occupied with the shields, I’m left with only my wings and back feet to use. That’s all I need. I lift up both my lion paws, and tentacles shoot out of them. The tentacles pierce the worm’s throat and start digging through its flesh. Not only can I feel them do their thing, but I can see where they go as the worm’s flesh budges into webs

The tentacles are going to take a while. It’s a large worm to eat through. Alright Gilda, how do you want to pass the time? I don’t know, I could think about what I’m going to do to Arctic North when I get back home. That’s a great idea. What am I going to do?

Well, I won’t go after him at first, at least not directly. I’ll start small. I’ll leave little scratches on his walls, tear up his furniture when he isn’t looking, just little things. It’ll be a treasure hunt to find the little clues that I’m nearby. Over the course of a week, I’ll get bigger, and bigger. A smashed pot, shelves and drawers scattered over the floor, a red sock with his white laundry. It’ll get him going. Then, when he’s most paranoid, I’ll jump out and beat the crap out of him. I won’t kill him. No, I’ll leave him with the thought that I can be anywhere, anytime, watching his every move.

Or I can just eat him.

I’ll also finish up that lawsuit with Blueblood. Got to fix up my store. Oh, and Pinkie. Got to free her too. I’ll be busy for the next month or so when I get back.

Are my tentacles done? Hmm, I can feel them poke into dirt and open air. Yeah, I think they’re done.

With a twitch of a muscle, my web of tentacles tear the worm apart. Gibs and globs fly all over the place, and the tentacles dissolve them all together. Within seconds, the throat I’m in turns into a mass of tendrils and melting flesh. While this goes on, all my tentacles rush back into my legs, bringing the worm’s meaty bits with that. I think I caught some Hydralisks and Zerglings in that mess

When the tentacles clear up, I’m left hovering in the center of a dirt tunnel. Both shields shift into normal claws, and I dart towards a wall. I kick off the dirt and jump out of the hole, landing at the rim of where the worm used to be. Left in its place is a deep, empty tube that goes far into the world’s crust. Without the worm for support, the dirt in the tube crumbles, and soon the hole collapses in on itself, cutting off the Zerg’s path up here.

The battlefield looks less chaotic now. Me choking out the worm stopped the flow of Zerg, and cut off reinforcements to the back line. What Zerg I didn’t kill are now dying to the blades of the Protoss, whose own reinforcements are wiping out the last bits of resistance from the alien menace. There’s still fighting going on at the front line of the army, but all in all I’d say that was a successful operation.

Wew, I contributed to a large scale battle. Bet my warrior ancestors would be proud. I throw my claws up to celebrate. “Ha, take that, you dirty bugs,” I yell. “That’s what you get for messing with” –

A rope cutting through the air cuts me off. It hits me in the chest with a sticky slap. I look down. It looks like a sucker got me good. Goop is dripping down from the sucker and all over my chest. Ew, what the heck is this?

Rather than answer my question, I’m yoinked up into the air, just like that golden onion giraffe from earlier. I go soaring over the Protoss army’s heads. From up here, I can see what’s going on at the front line for the first time. The army is pressed up against the mega tree line, keeping the enemy at bay. A swarm of Hydras and Zerglings are assaulting the front line, poking out from the trees, only to be cut down by plasma blade or shot by magic bolts. The Zerg are picking off Protoss here and there, but overall it’s a lot less chaotic than the backline.

At the peak of my arc, the goopy rope disconnects from my chest, leaving me to control my own glide. The rope thing was a neat little trick from whatever did that, but they didn’t account for the fact that I have wings. While I can’t fly, I can still steer myself to land in a safe –

The tree and my face make a loud knock sound when we slam together. For a second, all I see are the little birdies circling my head, then I feel my cheek scrape against the bark as I slide down.

At some point during my slide, I just peel off from the bark and let gravity take over. Don’t fight it, let it happen. Do what the little birdies say.

I hit the ground, but not hard enough to make a crater. Instead, something cushions my fall. Parts of it feel soft and leathery, while other parts are hard and jagged. No clue what I landed on. I’m still watching the birdies.

A voice talks inside my head. It sounds pissed, and familiar. “Get off me you cretin!”

The birdies fly away, and my vision clears up. I get a good look at who’s under me. It’s one of the Protoss soldiers. Whoops, guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

The voice yells again. “Do you ever stop with your monologues, you filthy abomination?!”

I blink. I know whose voice that is. “Oh, hi Ceretel. Fine weather we’re having, are we not?”

The Protoss answers me with a plasma blade through my chest. I grab his arm before he can cut me in two. I pull him out and get off the soldier. He get gets up and brushes the dust off his shins. “Why has nobody killed you yet? Is everyone as blind as Ordaes?”

The hole in my chest closes up and I’m good to go. I don’t think he could kill me if they tried. “Hey, I just killed the giant worm for you guys. There’s no reason for you to keep bringing up the torches and pitchforks when I’m around.”

Here’s something we shouldn’t forget, we’re standing on the front line! A pack of Zerglings makes a beeline for us. Ceretel cuts down the pack leader when it leaps for him. “You killed the Nydus Worm? I don’t believe it.”

I backhand mine Zergling when it jumps. I don’t even bother looking. “Want to use your Khala thing to check? I bet some of your buddies in the back saw what I did.”

Ceretel is silent for a moment. I bet he’s looking into that psychic link of his to check the truth. Four Hydralisks slither out from the trees and flick needles at him. A transparent bubble forms around his body when they hit, and he raises his arms in a defensive position. I jump in front of him and shift out my shield to block any other needles from hitting. I stab the ground with a claw, and a moment later, a giant cluster of blades, far bigger than my usual cluster, sends Hydralisks chunks flying in the air. It got them all.

“What’s with the silence?” I ask as the blade cluster ravels back to my arm. “Do you guys still think I need to be burnt at the steak?”

Ceretel glances at me, and at the spot where the Hydralisks where just standing. “There’s still… a lack of consensus. But do not think your actions gained my trust.”

I shrug. “I don’t need your trust. I just want to go home.” And tear Arctic North a new hole.

Before the soldier can reply, a roar echoes from the woods. Flocks of three-winged birds fly out from the trees. Thuds ripple through the ground.

I turn to Ceretel. “What was that noise” –

One of the mega trees bursts apart. I raise my shield above our heads to protect us from the shower of splinters and dirt. The ground trembles, and the roar reaches my ears, louder than before.

From the rim of my shield, I can see a gargantuan figure, far larger than anything I’ve ever seen, creep above my head. On either side of the figure, I recognize a shape I’m far too familiar with. Two. Enormous. Blades.

Damn Zerg and their damn blades.

If the Zerglings are grasshoppers from Tartarus and the Hydralisks are cobras from the same address, then the monster in front of me, a monster far larger than the worm I just killed, is a rhino from Tartarus, Plus Size Edition. Its head extends back into a massive crest, though it’s less like a crest and more like a battering ram that can smash through an entire castle in one go. Two blades, each large enough to tear a house apart in a single swing, extend from either side of the back of its neck, sort of like killer dragon wings. The blades take the Zerg’s love affair with sharp objects to a whole new level. At that size they won’t slice things, they’ll vaporize everything they hit!

Its face is at the base of the crest, and it looks tiny in proportion to everything else, yet it still looks damn pissed. At least it doesn’t have rows of fangs protruding from its demon face, just thick teeth. Good for crunching on bricks.

My butt cheeks clench up when the boulders that are the titan's feet send earthquakes through the ground. What to call this gargantuan freak of nature? Mega… Ultra… Ultra something? Ultra-Rhino? Nah, that’s what you’d name an evil robot rhino from a comic villain. ‘Beware, I am Ultra-Rhino 500!’ Sounds cheesy. What else is there? Big Bug. King of Bugs. Big Bad King of Bugs. Bug Tyrant. Big Tyrant. Tyrannosaur. Tyranid.

Tyranid?

Yeah, let’s go with Tyranid. I like that.