This planet has two suns. I didn’t notice before since they were behind that monster of a tree line. I wonder if this planet needs two alicorns to move those suns, or if the Protoss have a bunch of magic guys working as a team to do the job. Eh, questions for later if I care enough.

The suns were behind the tree line when I got here, and now they’re right above our heads, so I figure I’ve been an alien captive from mid morning to noon. That time stretches out when you’re trapped in a magic bubble a mile up in the air. Feels like I’ve been in here for a week. Ah well, at least I have an alien pilot to talk to.

“And then Blackwatch uses the spit they found on my letter to track me to my shop,” I say, retelling my tale to Saltair.

Saltair is the name of the pilot. Since he’s not on the front line with his battle brothers, he’s as bored as I am. We’ve been chatting it up for the past couple of hours or so, which is a great way to get my whole story out so I don’t have to wait on Ordaes. Apparently the Protoss have something called a Khala, which lets them read each other’s thoughts. The details are beyond me. All I know is I’m talking to Saltair and Ordaes is somehow listening in.

“So they crash through my windows and wreck the place just so they can try to bag and tag me. Heart and I put up one heck of a fight, but that doesn’t stop the blue-eyes from incurring hundreds of thousands of bits worth of damage that will come out of my pocket!”

Saltair is leaning back in his cockpit, feet on the dash and hands behind his head, listening to every word I say. He’ll occasionally comment on something here or there, but mostly he’s been content to just sit back and listen. At this point in my story, he decides to make his occasional comment. “Did you make one of your 'tactical retreats,' or did Blackwatch finally corner you?”

“They didn’t corner me. I had a back door,” I say. Satlair pointed out earlier that I make a lot of “tactical retreats” from Blackwatch, even though there’s never any reason for me to stick around. He didn’t say if it was a good or bad thing, just that it seems I’m always running. “I led my employee out to safety, gave her the day off, and went to find my lawyer so I could write up a lawsuit to smack Blackwatch with.”

Saltair moves an arm out from behind his head and points to me. “If there was ever a time to stand your ground, it was then. You worked hard for your scone shop. You raised it as if it was your own child. When your enemy crashes into your home and destroys what’s precious to you, you have to take a stand and fight them back. But instead you turn and run away.”

I got to force myself not to roll my eyes at that. “The situation is more complex than that. I know you guys are neck deep in this Zerg war, so that’s all you think about. But I’m not a warrior. I’m a griffon who just wants to run a scone shop. Blackwatch threw all this crap on me and I don’t want to play their game.”

“But it’s because the scone shop is your desire that you should fight for it,” Saltair says. “You were fully capable of doing so. If what you say is true, you are a fierce fighter. With this Heart and the bug swarm on your side, Blackwatch wouldn’t be able stand a chance against you. You could’ve defended what you love.”

The image of an angry Cherry crosses my mind. I didn’t say yet how my fight with her went. “Defending what I love doesn’t mean I have to destroy my shop in a brawl. I’m a civilized griffon. There are other ways for me to fight than just using my fists. What I did right after the attack was head straight for my lawyer and have him set up a civil case against Blackwatch. If I can prove they’re specifically targeting me for no good reason, I can sue their butts to oblivion and gag them with a restraining order.”

Satlair tilts his head. “Tell me, did fighting with paper and words stop your enemy when he threw you into the void?”

“Eh, you got me there. But that’s because that guy is a dick.”

“And will paper and words save your friend Pinkie Pie from imprisonment?”

My beak grinds a little. “I know what you’re getting at. No, fighting is never my first option. At this point, any more fighting on my part might make things worse. I’ll have a harder time with the law if I go on a murder spree.”

“I’m not saying you have to go on a murder spree, just that you have to fight for justice.”

“I am fighting for justice, using the proper legal channels. I know you’re a warrior, but don’t you have some concept of government and law?”

“As a matter of fact, we do have law.” Saltair tilts his head back and looks up at the sky. “Or at least, we had law. I’m not so sure. Our government fell apart when we fled Aiur, so law is in a limbo state while we focus on taking back our home. But I know what law is.”

I throw my claws in the air. “Great, so you should know why it’s important for me to stick to the law.”

Saltair leans up in a more straight sitting position. “Indeed, I know law. But law didn’t stop the Zerg from destroying our home.”

I could point out that Blackwatch is not the Zerg, and Blackwatch is bound to the same laws I am, which makes the law useful in this case as opposed to the other, but my smart ass really wants to get me in trouble, so… “Would a big fence have done the trick?”

Saltair looks like he’s about to say something, but he hesitates. Without a face, I can’t be too sure what he’s thinking, but it looks like he’s distracted my something else. His head is turned slightly away from me, and his eyes look like they’re concentrating really hard on something. After a moment, the alien springs back into his seat and throws his hands on the controllers. “The Zerg have breached our front line!”

He must have been mind talking with his friends. I wonder what the distance limit is for their mind talk thing. At the sound of this, I sit up the best I can in this bubble. “Didn’t you say there was no way the Zerg could breach your front line?”

“I did! We have too many units out there for them to break through. I don’t know what’s going on.” He holds a hand up against his head. For once, I see him close his glowing blue eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever saw one of these aliens blink, let alone close their eyes. “They got us with a trap! They disguised themselves as trees and waited for our forces to push forward. Then they sprung out and surrounded us down from behind!”

“That sounds bad,” I say. “The Zerg can disguise themselves?”

Saltair shakes his head. “No, this is the first time I’ve heard this happen. I didn’t think they could do anything like that.” He pauses again, presumably to listen to the mind talk thing. “Ordaes ordered a mass recall. Our army is returning to base.”

Just as he says that, the ground below us shimmers with a dark blue glow. A moment later, everything flashes. The ground is now covered with a thick layer of Protoss army. A lot of soldiers I saw before are standing down there, among other units I haven’t seen before. Many of them are limping or look like they have some injury. But they ignore it. The army, teleporting in as a disorganized clump, moves around to create new defensive formations. The soldiers get into lines while golden machines ranging from cart size to building size arrange themselves into firing positions. It might be my eyes playing tricks on me, but I think a few of those guys are just balls of energy.

Another flying machine, one with the exact same design as Saltair’s, darts up to us and parks right next to Saltair’s wing. From here, I can hear the pilot spew out his orders. “Group up, Saltair. Mutalisks are inbound on our position, along with the rest of the entire swarm!”

Saltair jolts to positon, but he glances at me before he does anything. “But the prisoner” –

“Let our ground forces deal with her,” the other pilot says. “Fly out. We have no time to spare. En taro Adun!”

“En taro Adun,” Saltair replies right before the other pilot darts off again. Saltair looks at me one last time. “You’re okay if I drop you from here?”

I glance down at the ground. I’d say we’re almost a mile up. Maybe two. I could be wrong, though. “Yeah, just tell your guys down below to watch out. I’ll make a big splash.”

The alien nods before pressing a button on his console. My bubble shield dissipates, and gravity gets its hands on me once again. Saltair’s aircraft turns into a spot in the sky as I fall. His spot loops around and darts off after his buddy. Crummy way to say goodbye.

There’s enough air resistance under me to pretend I’m lying on a couch. I lie on my side and rest my head on a claw. The air whips past my face as I enjoy my aerial loveseat. Bit of a bummer our conversation got cut short. I was having a fun time debating my life situation with a complete stranger. Helps put things into perspective. It’s also nice he didn’t call me a monster at all during our talk, so that puts him up there with the most respectful people I’ve talked to in a while.

Either the ground troops got the memo, or nobody was buzzing around the clearing underneath me. In any case, nobody goes flying when I punch a massive landing crater into the ground. I think I can fit a few of those monster trees in the hole I just made.

Dust hangs in the air when I crawl out of my crater. A lot of ground troops are looking at me as I brush the grit off my shoulder. All these looks these aliens are giving me are a bit unsettling. That golden onion head giraffe thing is especially unnerving. Having a “face” look down at me from the height of a building, that’s sends a chill down my spine. I shrug it all off, and sit at the edge of the crater. “What? Is there some food in my beak?”

An alien with a cape and metal bits floating off his armor storms out from the crowd. He looks at me, then at the crater, then back at me. “How in the world did you survive that fall?” Ordaes asks.

I glance back at the crater. Just going from the size, I was pretty high up. “Oh, you know, practice.”

The alien army doesn’t seem to appreciate my humor. Some of the soldiers draw out their plasma blades, while some of the machines aim their cannons at me. One of the energy ball dudes is cracking his knuckles. Hmm, tough crowd. At least it’s only a part of the army that wants to beat me to a pulp. Everyone else is scrambling around in preparation for an incoming attack.

Ordaes holds a hand up to signal everyone around the crater to hold fire. “My brothers, do not let this creature distract you from the approaching swarm. Prepare yourselves and focus on our defenses!”

Most of the guys looking at me keep their weapons up, but they do comply with their leader. All the units wander off to do their own things, but not without giving me a few mean glances on their way out. While most of them leave, there is still one group of soldiers that sticks around. One of the soldiers heads towards me, and the rest of his pals follow. I don’t recognize him at first, but I recognize him the moment he mind talks.

Ceretel points a finger at me. “You! You spied on us and fed the Zerg information. It’s because of you we’re cornered in our own base!”

Ordeas steps between me and the approaching alien gang. “Calm down, Ceretel. There is no time to waste on this matter. I will deal with this creature myself.”

“You said you deal with the creature before, and now we have the Swarm breathing down our necks!” Ceretel marches up right in front of Ordaes, leaving only a few inches between their nonexistent faces. “This abomination must be dealt with now before it tears us apart from the inside!”

I wave at the lunatic soldier. “Hey, I can hear you.”

“Your accusations are unfounded,” Ordaes says. “There is nothing this creature has done yet that makes her a danger to us. The real threat is looming behind that treeline!”

Ceretel raises his voice over Ordaes’s. “Your mercy for this creature is unfounded!” Huh, weird how volume works with this mind talk stuff. It should be all the same volume, right? I think I had the same thing happen with Not Rainbow when we were doing it. “How can you be so blind to the truth? The Zerg can see our every move through the eyes of this abomination. Keeping it alive is nothing but negligent on your part.”

“Dude, I got a name,” I say as I step around Ordaes. “It’s Gilda. Not ‘this creature’ or ‘this abomination.’ Gilda. Say it with me now. Gil-WAH!”

I can’t help but swear when one of Ceretel’s posse members charges me and lunges a blade at my face. It’s only by the grace of my monster reflexes that I see it in time to jump back. The soldier’s plasma blade slashes empty air, leaving me untouched. His attack leaves his arm stretched out in front of me, so I grab it. I twist the alien’s arm behind his back, and grab his shoulder so he can’t spin around. The alien lets out a yelp, more of surprise than of pain, as I lock him down. He tries to wiggle out of my grip, but he’s doesn’t have the muscle to overpower my monster strength.

In the middle of this maneuver, Ceretel and the rest of his gang draw their plasma blades. Ordaes yells something, but I don’t pay attention to it. “I swear to Grover I will fight all of you if you make me,” I yell over the alien’s shoulder. “I don’t want to, but I can. I’ll eat you to! I haven’t tried alien salad yet, but I bet it’s delicious!”

“Look there, Ordaes,” Ceretel says to his honcho, “the creature shows its true colors!”

This dweeb is getting on my nerves. “You attacked first!” I point out. “You’re blowing this way out of proportion. I haven’t even eaten this guy yet.”

This time three aliens charge at me. These guys go for my side, while two others run in front of me, forcing me to chose how I want to use their friend as a shield. Clever, they plan to flank me one way or another. Flank me on side A, or side B, my choice. Well I choose C. I hold the alien’s shoulder tight, then twirl him upsidedown. The alien screams as I let him fly into the group of three. One alien is smart enough to stray out of the way, but the other two get a face full of their friend slamming into them at twenty miles an hour. Boom, they fall down like bowling pins.

The other two flanking me go in for the charge. Both my claws shift into tumor fists, and I slam them into the ground right in front of my attackers. The gorund ripples into a crater, and the shockwave knocks both aliens off their feet. One falls on his face, while the other on his butt.

The last alien of the three I didn’t knock down charges me with burning blades. My monster claws shift out and I catch his first strike in between my talons. The scythes pinch down on the plasma, giving me a grip on the soldier’s weapon. I fling him off to the side, sending him tumbling down the large crater I made when I fell from the sky.

A beam of light in the corner of my eye catches my attention. The light comes from the forest line, where I can hear other alien soldiers yelling battle cries as they charge into a fight. The beam is coming from that golden onion giraffe. Two energy lances are shooting out of its head and frying a foe I can’t see from here.

This action grabs the attention of the guys around me who are still standing. “The Zerg are here,” Ordaes mutters. “Ceretel, if you have any sense left in you, you will drop this fight of yours and join me in the front lines against our true enemy!"

“And allow the creature to strike us from behind? Your foolishness will get us killed.”

This is grating on my nerves. This proves the universe has it out for me. Even in an alien dimension, there’s always somebody who wants to kill me. I just can’t escape it. “Dude, I’m not going to do anything if you leave me alone. Go fight your little battle. I can wait.”

The aliens I knocked down are getting up now. The crater dude is climbing over the edge. They seem to be aware of the fighting that’s going on at the tree line, but by the way they’re looking at me, I bet they see me as the bigger threat. I level my claws and brace myself. Today was going to be a good day. I was going to bake scones and sell them at high prices to gullible Canterlot ponies. What happened to that?

“Everyone, cease this fighting,” Ordaes yells. “This is an order from your executor!”

“With all due respect, Ordaes,” Ceretel says, “you’re a crap executor.” Damn. I think I saw the guy’s eyes flash. Ceretel raises is plasma blades and charges me. The guys in his posse that got up again do the same, surrounding me with angry, screaming aliens. Seriously, what happened to that good day?

As the raging aliens close the distance, I notice something. In between us, the ground shifts around. It starts as a small dirt pile poking out of the earth, then bursts into a large mound. Something claws its way out of the ground and sits in the middle of the fight. The raging soldiers slow to a halt when the thing makes its entrance.

The heck?

What I’m looking at is something I’ve never seen before. It looks like a beetle that was grown to the size of a baby hippo. The body is green and pulsing. It looks like its flesh is about to burst open. Its maw snaps at me, green liquid drips from its fangs as it does so. It waddles around on knifelike legs to face me, and it makes a gurgling sound.

The soldiers seem to know what this thing is. I say that because they aren’t charging at me anymore. In fact, they’re running the opposite direction. Ceretel even stopped by the crater guy to pull him up so he too can get the heck out of here. Ordaes is gone. No clue where the honcho went to.

I take a few steps back. The creature makes more gurgling sounds, this time with more aggression behind it. “Uh… good boy?”

The creature trips over itself and rolls towards me. Considering I didn’t expect it to start rolling, and the soldiers ran away from this baby hippos sized gurgling thing, I flip my shit and run the opposite direction. I hear it roll over leaves and twigs as it chases after me. Crap crap crap crap, what in Tartarus is this thing?

It chases me to the rear end of the army. A group of Stalkers hears me yelping as I try to get away from this thing. Their magic shooters light up, and they send a volley of bolts at the creature. A couple bolts blast against the creature’s flesh, which is enough to trigger the creature to explode. It erupts in a wave of green fluid. The fluid splashes in a large circle, the edge of which is mere feet away from me. The ground the fluid splashes on sizzles as plants and twigs dissolve into sludge.

I watch the forest floor melt before me. If I’m to make an educated guess, I’d say I just met one of the Zerg. Geez, no wonder why the soldiers took off. That bugger packs a punch. And there’s more of them up at the battle line that I can’t see. How do the aliens deal with these things? I give a thumbs up to the Stalkers, and one of them gives me a little salute with a spider leg. That’s cool. It’s nice for someone to shoot magic bolts at something that isn’t me for once.

The ground under our feet shakes. The Stalkers wobble on their legs, and I grip onto the ground to keep my balance. Ah great, more rollers are coming, aren’t there? That last one gave me one heck of a chase. I don’t think I have anything to deal damage without a roller exploding in my face.

The rumbling intensifies, then the ground swells and explodes in a cloud of dirt behind the army. A worm that’s as thick as one of the mega trees rockets out of the ground. It makes a loud, monstrous roar as its head coils back and settles in place. Two large flaps open up, and a massive maw full of teeth widens.

Sweet mercy, that thing is huge!

Shadows dance around in the back of the maw. The shadows spew out, swarming the ground with what appears to be giant insects. These aliens are of similar size to the roller, but they don’t look like they’re going to explode. Instead, they have slender bodies with wings sticking out of their backs. Large claws are sticking out of their fronts, and they have nasty little mouths with lots of teeth and spit flying all over. The best way I can describe them is if demon had sex with a grasshopper and made a bunch of little babies.

The demon grasshoppers dash for the Protoss’ backline and tear through the first aliens they tackle. Some are unlucky and die screaming without knowing what just happened. Others hear the commotion, and turn around to start fighting the attacking monsters.

Upon reflection, I'm regretting my decision to write that letter.

Author's Notes:

Notice: If you're running through the wilderness in attempt to shake off the authorities, we've included several helpful PDFs to give you tips on how to live off the land and engage in guerrilla warfare. You can find them in your Mods directory in the Documents folder. Best of luck!

- The Nexus Team