Muffin “Derpy” Mello - 10th of Solarus ‘15 EoH - Morning

I yawned and sat up, bed creaking under my weight as I lifted my head from the pillows. I’d had a wonderful dream last night, but it was nice to be back in my little home. Even with my dug out cave home feeling empty since Dinky moved out I still felt more at home here than anywhere I might dream of being.

I’d gone through a lot to reach Equestria, in my early life finding my homeland had been my big dream. After I found it, I’d never stopped being glad I’d succeeded.

Sure, I’d spent most of my time in Equestria raising a filly after a slightly too tipsy evening at a party. Sure he hadn’t wanted to be a father, so I’d raised her alone (because forcing him to legally would have only ensured my little Muffin had a bad father). I wouldn't trade any of the years Dinky’s fillyhood for anything else, I’d loved being an active mother! I totally understood everything my mom had said I’d understand after raising a child now.

Yes, I lived in a hole in the ground because nopony alive would dare issue me home owners insurance. But I loved my little earthen home! It wasn’t bad looking at all, or even grim. I’d spent years digging it carefully out, using the roots of the massive oak tree above it as supports for the ceiling, polishing the dirt walls to a shine (yes, you can polish dirt, and it looks super pretty!), building the spiral staircase that took you up the taproot to a hollow space under the trunk with a little door, putting in all the modern conveniences, and creature comforts… It was a great place!

It was also one of the few structures in Equestria I knew I wouldn’t be able to break accidently! That alone gave it extra points. Why Equestrians prefer to build buildings without steel structural supports was beyond me. Also I’d always preferred caves and burrows to surface structures. They feel more safe and cozy.

Almost as cozy as the pink, epicly-fluffy quilt White Lightning made for me! I was lucky to have made a good friend like her. It’s a bit hard to keep friends when you’re something of a disaster magnet.

Well… To be fair I am a klutz. I just get to excited about things and forget what I’m doing and suddenly that thing is broken or I forget something important… I’m not as bad as my reputation makes ponies think though.

The town hall’s support beams were made of a super splintery wood! It’s not my fault they snapped like twigs from a little accidental bump.

I smiled as I slid out of bed, stretching happily and shaking my rear legs to get the crampies out. Today was going to be a good day! While I was sad that so many ponies had died, and also that so many changelings were hurt and killed too, I did have to agree that it was a good thing Chrysalis was gone. Maybe a celebration should wait a bit longer than one week, but well, if Celestia wills it…

I wasn’t going to the nobles official ceremony thing. That just seemed like the most boring and mean thing in the world. All those ponies doing nothing more than analyzing and critiquing a poor young Queen? It’s enough to make your stomach turn.

No, I was going to the actual party later tonight. A Pinkie party! Nopony says no to a Pinkie party.

Sure, Dash would be there, and that would make things just a bit awkward if she got any level of drunk and forgot we broke up four years ago, but it would be a great place to try and meet new people. Maybe I could find somepony, or someone, to help with my next big life dream!

I’m a simple mare. I don’t need much to be happy. I liked my home, my little Muffin (Dinky), and living in my homeland. That was enough to keep me upbeat all day. Still, I’d always wanted a proper husband or wife. Someone to love, cuddle with, and do all the fun couple stuff. It was my second biggest dream, and it would make my mom happy to know I had a lover. Something she never had.

Still, I was a grown mare. One hundred and twenty five. Just about middleaged by Equestrian standards. I didn’t need a loved one to feel fulfilled. I’d already lead a great life alone, and an even better life with Dinky. I could go the rest of my life, however long it might end up being, without a lover. But I’d rather have one than not.

Shaking the last of my sleepies from my body I went about my normal morning routine. Brush mane. Preen wings. Floof tail. Brush fur to silky shine. Brush teeth to prevent Colegate lectures. Fetch a breakfast muffin, munch breakfast muffin, and reminisce while eating it by checking out my treasure cabinet.

They are the memento kind of treasures, not gold and jewels. Though they might as well be to me. They’re just things to remember my travels by.

A vest made from tiny silvery-white links of chain, nice and shiny-shimmery and also my favorite color (gold trim notwithstanding)! A bracelet made from a magically kept alive sprig of huckleberry (That treasure provided enough berries in a week to make a batch of muffins!). A small red synthetic crystal encased in a little glass ball with metal prongs on opposing ends (A trophy snatched from a broken hilt). A bottle of one of my favorite drinks, empty no cap, filled with blue sand that glowed in the dark (The first one I drank… and the only one I didn’t keep the cap form). A super worn leather covered electronic book, wording on the cover illegible due to a few mild burn marks (Don’t panic, it still works!).

Just the things this mare decided were worth keeping. You can’t fit too much in saddlebags after all!

Of course, there was also my mother’s book. That sat on the middle shelf in the center of the cabinet on a special carved wooden stand that held a quill and inkpot. The red leather book is probably my most precious possession, the only link I have left to my mother.

Unless I went to visit her. But I’d rather wait until I can bring somepony with me so she can meet her daughter and or son in law at the same time as her granddaughter. That would make her millennia!

I wonder if it would also make my biological mother’s day, year, or other measure of time? Oh well… It’s not like I’d managed to find her. Thank goodness that wasn’t my reason for traveling to Equestria in the first place! I’d have been crushed.

I shook my head and finished the last bite of my muffin, putting everything before the last thirty five years out of my mind. Stop being a silly filly Derpy! The mare that birthed you isn’t your mom, the one that raised you is.

Completely satisfied I quickly packed my saddlebags for the overnight trip. First and most important, my fluffy white beach towel. Towels, the most massively useful objects in the universe. Never leave home without one!

Next came six muffins (one lunch muffin, a dinner muffin, two snack muffins, and two ‘for friends’ muffins). My eye patch (It’s amazing how useful those are when one of your eyes likes to wander about). Then my hangover prevention charm necklace, a bag of bits to cover any damages that might be my fault, some juniper and mint perfume in case someone cute flirted with me, and my work in progress story’s notebook along with three pencils for passing time on the train rides.

There! Everything in place!

I used a wing to slip my saddlebags on as I checked the cuckoo clock above my bed. Five hours till noon! Prefect! I was still on time to go with White!

I trotted over to the center of the room, stopped at the base of the stairs and called, “Dinky! I’m about to go, are you coming… Oh… Heh…”

I sighed in sadness, loneliness, and embarrassment as I remembered she had her own home, job, and grown mare life now. Thirty one years just go by so fast! I wouldn’t have minded her living with me for a few of her adult years… Ah well, new adults like their freedom! Every parent knows that.

I quickly zipped up the stairs, passing through the second floor of my little dugout before entering the entryway and peeping through the window to make sure it wasn’t raining. Sure, there was a party scheduled for today, but sometimes a shifting weather pattern from outside Equestria means the Weather Teams need to make little changes to our tamed weather to prevent storms.

A quick peek through the little window showed the day was nice and sunny, with just enough clouds for pegasi to push together to make game fields or picnic spots on.

A perfect day! Just like almost every Equestrian day.

Not that I was complaining or anything. I just would get the biggest giggle-fit ever from watching my neighbors live for just one month outside of Equestria beneath the untamed skies.

I could also see Twilight’s palace, blocking my house's former view of the Everfree forest. It had taken a while, but most of Ponyville, myself included, had finally gotten used to the… unconventional looking building.

Ah ponyfeathers! I can’t sugar coat it. The hideous looking building.

I’d been a bit upset when her keep’s sublevels grew in and took out my own ‘basement’ ten years ago, but at least Twilight had payed for the damages. And also thank Celestia she’d put a nice coat of paint on the tree shaped portion of that monstrosity to make it look like an oak tree! That made the palace almost okay looking.

As I stepped outside I noticed White turn the corner around Twilight’s keep, and gave her a wave. The white and blue wavy maned pegasus gave me a wave back and an excited smile before quickly rushing over. “Hey! I don't have to drag you out of bed this time!” She laughed.

I blinked as she got within fifteen feet and I stopped seeing double images of her. I always get a bit confused as to exactly where distant objects are, so when the two images merge it can knock me for a loop if I’m paying attention to them.

I shook my head to clear it and then returned her smile, “Hi White! I made sure to go to bed early. It’s not every day Pinkie gets to throw a party using the Royal treasury.”

She nodded and tipped her head towards the train station, “So straight there or do we get breakfast first?”

“Oh…” I kicked a hoof nervously against the ground, hoping White wouldn’t be upset with me, “I just had breakfast…”

White put on a blank expression, “Derpy, when are you going to learn I’m not going to be upset with you over silly things?”

I gave her an embarrassed shrug in response.

“Train it is then. Do you know if Dinky’s going?” White asked starting to walk down the street.

I quickly caught up and fell into step alongside her. “No, she said she wants to go to the party here instead. It will be just us old mares tonight!”

White winced, “Hey, I’m only eighty! Sheesh. Give me another century before throwing the o-word around.”

I giggled, “Sorry.”

“We’re not all middle aged, Miss-Somehow-Looks-Fifty!” White teased. “You need to tell me how you keep that good looking some day.”

“Good genes, my mom’s loving upbringing, and magic.” I answered truthfully, like I always did.

“I call ponyfeathers! It’s those glowy sodas you drink all the time, isn’t it?” White asked in a fake-super-serious tone. “No but seriously, When I turn a hundred, please give me the name of your beauty product supplier.”

I shook my head and just gave her a grin, “Growing old is nothing scary.”

“Says you!” White protested, “I’d rather stay quick and flexible and able to remain in active duty long enough to hit Commander. Retirement benefits are horrible till Commander.”

“Really? I thought Wonderbolts had good pay.” I exclaimed in surprise, then eeped and ducked out of the way of a lamppost I swore had been a foot to my right.

“Yeah, we do. Great hazard pay too, not that I ever earned any till last week…” White stopped talking for a few moments, taking a deep breath, before resuming, “But no, our retirement benefits are half wages till Commander. I’d like to not have to move to a smaller home.”

I nodded, “That makes sense… I’m glad you weren't hurt by the way.”

White scratched the back of her head and grimaced, “I was actually… Fortunately the Lifegiver stuck my wing back on… Can we talk about absolutely anything else please?”

“S-sorry…” I said quickly trying to think of a new subject, “Oh! Um, did you-”

The resounding whap as I ran shoulder first into a merchant's stall echoed off the walls of the nearby shops.

“Darn it Derpy…” The short brown stallion tending the stall grumbled, walking out from behind it to straighten the produce.

“Sorry.” I apologized.

“‘t’s alright.” He grunted, “Just go about your… whatever.”

“Oh here’s one,” White said as we resumed walking, “You’re not half bad when you cover an eye. We could enter the Harvest Games together this year. Sure, Dash will take first, but we can go for second!”

I giggled, “I swear one day somepony’s going to make a first place trophy for Dash, and then a second first place trophy for whomever finishes just after her. They need to make a new class of fliers for ponies in her range.”

“Yeah… Heck, even I can hit supersonic on a good day but sheesh… What’s her top speed these days? Mach eight?” White asked rhetorically.

“It’s actually twenty two point six…” I answered despite the rhetorical nature of the question. Because White was wrong. Dash was faster than that.

White’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head, “You’re kidding!?”

“Nope.” I said shaking my head, “I asked to see how fast she could fly while we were still dating.”

“So her even being visible while moving is her literally playing with foals boots on?” White grumbled, “What the hay is she even competing for? It’s not like anypony can possibly beat her!”

My ears drooped, I hated talking bad about ponies. Especially ones who were still my friends. I could have told White that Dash and I broke up because I couldn't stand her obsessive need to always feel better than everypony else at anything related to flight… But… I couldn’t. Dash had plenty of niceness to balance that character flaw, just not quite enough for my tastes in a loved one.

“Dash… just works like that.” I said after mulling over the best choice of words.

We rounded the corner and entered the town square. Well, I guess I should say city square. Ponyville has grown a lot in the last few years, we definitely have enough people living here to count as a small city now. Princess Twilight living here meant Ponyville could only grow in size, influence, and population after all.

Fortunately Twilight refused to lift the Historical Architecture Preservation Act, so all the new buildings were built to match the lovely Renaissance style! Even the city wall matched the architectural style despite having the latest in arcane protections. It would be nice if we didn’t need that wall though.

Stupid Everfree forest. Getting more dangerous for no apparent reason… I should get to the bottom of that mystery one day. It wouldn’t be any more dangerous than my journey to find Equestria.

“Hey, Derpy,” White called, “step left.”

I eepd and stepped left, narrowly avoiding walking right into a bright orange stallion’s plot. The town square was really packed! I didn’t have time to think about things, I was going to have to watch out for ponies and festival decorations… Most of them looked pretty expensive.

The spoked-wheel-like arrangement of Ponyville’s streets all merged into this single plaza. Making it the logical place to hold parties and events since it had all the space and every street led here. But that meant it was a nightmare to cross for a pony like me during those events.

White gently grabbed my hoof, “Come on, it’s less crowded in front of Sugarcube Corner.”

“Thanks.” I said as she led me through the thick crowd.

“No problem… I’m sorry you got ripped off with that surgery.” White said sadly.

“I’m not! It’s nice being able to focus properly for fifteen feet or so. Way better than just a few hoof widths!” I paused for a moment, “I could put on my eyepatch if you don't want to lead me around.”

“Nah it’s okay! We’re almost there.” White said as she pulled me into a much less densely packed section of the cobbled plaza.

“Oh. Yes. Much better.” I sighed happily.

My double vision was a bit worse than usual thanks to my mini panic of trying not to break anything. No problem, I had a fix for that. I took a quick look around to try and get my eyes to focus up again. Switching between looking at distant and close objects usually did the trick!

I flicked my eyes between the cobblestones in front of me and the door to Sugarcube Corner.

Back and forth. Forth and back. back and- Hey, why did we say back and forth? That didn’t make much sense. Back and a fraction representing twentyfive percent. That’s what we’re actually saying when we use that phra-

“Oh my gosh! Look at her!” I gasped, train of thought derailing completely as I noticed a completely white earth pony mare walk up to the Sugarcube’s door.

Ponies with the same mane, tail, and fur color are super duper rare, and most other ponies think they look weird. I don’t I usually find them cute. But not this mare, she was beautiful! Her fur was true white along her back, and faded to a lovely ghost white as it ran down her legs. Her mane and tail also had a soft gradient to them a soft snow at her mane and tail’s tips, flowing into an ivory at their roots.

On top of the lovely color fading, her fur shone faintly, she must have just shampooed it with something fancy! Her mane and tail had a similar effect only a bit opaly, giving them a very very faint prismatic sheen. Her shiny whiteness made her actually black (not just dark dark gray) eyes look like jet stones set into platinum.

White looked over in the direction I was pointing and nodded to herself, “Huh, that’s a rare color.”

“She’s so pretty…” I whispered softly, doing my best to hide a blush by looking up.

My lazy eye swiveled to focus on the shiny mare. Noticing her silver shield and gold aura cutie mark I immediately wondered what her talent was, earth ponies didn’t normally have marks with a magic aura on them.

White grinned as she noticed me looking of into space, “That’s right! You like monochromes. Go on then, say hi! She won’t bite, and I don’t mind.”

“Oh, no nono!” I protested, “I mean… I don’t even know her. She might be straight and-”

White gave me that blank look of hers again. “Derpy. Has anypony ever been offended by you asking them out, just because they happened to be straight?”

I returned her blank look, “Yes. You.”

“I was drunk and grumpy!” White protested. “But nopony besides me, right?”

“Well… No.” I was forced to admit.

White walked behind me and gave me a gentle push, “Go on! Say hi! Heck, ask her to the party. Maybe I’ll get lucky and you won’t have to complain about not having a girlfriend when we run out of things to talk about.”

“D-do I do that a lot?” I asked trying to change the topic.

“Yes. Literally every time there’s nothing left to talk about.” White said giving me another push, “Go on! Talk to her. You’ll miss a chance to date somepony you find hot! Everypony’s biggest regret is always ‘I didn’t ask Jet Set to prom’. You can avoid that!”

“But what if she looks great but is just… mean or something?” I asked, hooves scraping on the cobbles as White pushed me.

“For Celestia’s sake…” White groaned, “If she agrees to go to the party with you wink at me, I’ll follow all stealthy and hang nearby at the party in case you need an out. Then we just hang out all night like planned.”

“That will never wo-” I stopped mid sentence after remembering who got me my first date with Dash. “Oh… right.”

“Ah ha! You stopped protesting. Go on, she’s going to be gone soon! Don’t miss out!” White encouraged giving me a last little push.

I gulped, accepted the mission suddenly thrust upon me, took a deep, nervous breath and trotted forwards.

Come on Derpy. You can do it… Don’t get super distracted and run into her… Don’t run off in panic… Don’t sneeze…

I almost giggled aloud as I noticed her mane was bound up in a ponytail! It was funny because she’s a pon-

“Oh my god… they won. They won!” The gorgeous mare exclaimed, suddenly bursting into delighted laughter, making me pause worriedly.

Quickly pushing my worry aside, I decided to tap her on the shoulder to get her attention, and stepped forward.

The mare quickly turned around, smiling brightly. My eyes widened as I realized I was going to plow int-

“Oof! Sorry!” I blurted the second I thumped into her eerily soft face and barrel.

Luna’s moon! I plowed right into her! No!

I felt my nervous-awkward levels hit maximum! I switched to a sort of ‘autopilot’, not really thinking about anything, just responding to whatever was being said. Not the best habit, and it always makes me look like some braindead oaf, but it’s what social pressure does to me at critical levels.

We exchanged small talk for a few eternities, during which my confidence slowly began to creep back to me. Slowly, but surely, confidence built back up, and she kept talking to me! Yay maybe I could get back to normal non-nervous talking and ask her out prop-

“Oh, uh, um… I know this is silly but, I was about to go to Canterlot for the victory party. Would you like to go with me?” I stammered.

Nope.

Darn it…

I watched in mild horror as the mare seemed to have a very sever internal debate with herself. Her lips pursed, eyes looked up and to the right… Oh gods no! She was putting in serious thought! She probably didn’t like me much but maybe thought I would be fun to spend the evening with in bed!

I didn’t ever do that sort of thing on a first date! Please don’t be just another funseeking filly! You’re too beautiful for that!

I looked down sadly, she was thinking too long… That meant no. I started to turn around, ears beginning to droop and-

“Well, it’s only silly because I don’t even know your name.” The mare said sincerely.

Oh my Celestia! The hot mare was giving me a chance! Yay!

I turned around with a little hop in my excitement and blurted, “Oh! Hehe! Right! Sorry! My name’s Muffins, but everypony calls me Derpy… It’s okay, I’ve grown to like it.”

“Derpy? Why?” She asked tilting her head curiously.

“I’m a klutz.” I admitted shyly. “A bad one.”

She shook her head and gave me a little grin, the sort that said ‘I can totally tell, but it’s okay.’

“I see… I’m Dusk. Nice to meet you Derpy.” The greeted.

“So um, you do want to go to the party with me?” I asked

“Sure, I’d love to.” Dusk answered, then nodded in the direction of the the train station, “I assume we’re taking the train?”

I nod-nodded in an attempt to prevent my face exploding from grin overload.“Y-yeah!” I informed, than mentally winced realizing I didn’t know for sure if this was a date, a hook up, or just a ‘Hey sis, let’s go to this party!’ thing. “Oh, um… You’re coming as like, a date, right? Not just as friends?”

“Eh…” Dusk dismissed waving a hoof in a so-so gesture, “I do think you’re cute, and I do like mares, but I generally prefer to know somepony before I date them. Because that's a thing I've done before. How about we call this a ‘date prologue’? We go to the party, I check to see if some of my friends made it out alive, we hang out, and then if we like each other, we go out on a real date. Sound good?”

Oh my gosh she totally wasn't just thinking about a hook up! Yay!

“Yes!” I squawked, then blushed and nodded, “I uh, mean, yes. … S-sorry I normally don’t ask strangers out… I just um… You’re white! Like, all white. But with all different kinds of white fading into each other! It’s very very pretty.”

I figured it would be best to start this off with the truth. Hopefully she was a great pony to hang out with too. But I felt I needed to tell her that I’d asked because she was pretty… Was that a normal thing to do? Do ponies just do that?

“Come on, let’s go to the party.” She said as she started to trot off.

While Dusk’s back was turned I quickly looked for White, spotted her nearby looking on while giving me silent cheerleader pom-pom motions with her hooves.

I gave White my biggest thank you grin, did a little happy-dance and ran to catch up with Dusk. (Odd name for a white pony.) We had the whole train ride for me to work out if I liked her or not. That would be fun!

Realizing that I had to start a first pseudo-date properly, I reached into my saddlebag for a spare muffin and held it out to her, “Muffin?”

If she refused the muffin, this ended here and now.

She took the muffin. She ate the muffin. I could tell from her pupils dilating that she could taste all of the exotic flavors I packed into my muffins.

The first checkbox had been ticked. I could date this mare! Hopefully by the time the party started I’d know everything else I needed.

“Derpy,” Dusk said after finishing the Muffin, “I have a feeling this is the start of a beautiful friendship.”

“J-just a friendship?” I asked, ears drooping sadly.

She shook her head, making her pony tail flip-floop adorably.  “No silly! That’s a quote from a story. But hey, at minimum, you’ve made a new best friend. Because those muffins are amazing.”

“Oh! Hehe! Sorry.” I apologized, “I uh… I get rejected a lot. Anyways! Muffins! I use an old family recipe my great great great great great grandmother’s aunt invented. It’s hard to get a few of the ingredients today, but if you go to the market on the right days-”

I am fairly certain I spent the entire train ride to Canterlot babbling about muffins… To my amazement instead of seeing that I was so nervous that I was stuck on the one topic, Dusk actually listened. The entire time. She just sat there and listened like someone with all the time in the universe and a genuine interest in what I had to say, silly as it was.

As the train pulled into the station, I knew that she had been right. At the very least, this was going to be the start to a beautiful friendship.