God, Save our Princess?

Day 22, Ponyville

"DAT'S RIGHT, I'M BACK BICHKAS!" I rock out on the electric Guitar on the roof of my house, speakers cranked up to eleven. I start shouting at the top of my lungs.

"RINGO! MOGIRE! BIIMU! (APPLE! PLUCKING! BEAM!)" Fuck 8:00 am, I AM PONYVILLE'S NEW ALARM CLOCK! no... DEATHKLOK! Okay, bad pun, but still...

ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu!  *Immediately the mane 6 chime in*

yua raifu chenjisu eburishingu!

(Apple Plucking Beam! Apple Plucking Beam!)

(YOUR LIFE CHANGES EVERYTHING!)

kimi ga omou sono mama no koto utau dareka mitsukete mo

sugu ni koi ni ochite wa dame sa

"oshigoto de yatteru dake kamo yo" *How the hell'd they find the lyrics?*

If you find somebody you want to sing just what you think for

You better not fall in love with her right away.

(Probably she just does it for work, doesn't she?)

ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu!

(Apple Plucking Beam! Apple Plucking Beam!)

dakedo omoi tomerarenu nara  

shinji sakebe aikotoba

tomo ni utae subete kawaru to

kaware tobe yo tobu no sa *RD executes sonic rainbow*

But if you can stop your feelings

Believe, shout THE PASSWORD!

Sing together, that everything will change

Change, fly, JUST FLY!

*Twilight looks at me*

"kawatta anata o dare ni misetai?"

naigashiro shi ni shitekita yatsu ni!

"Who do you want to show your changed self to?"

The dude who kicked me off!

saa ikou ze

zetsubou no wazuka na "kotchi gawa e"  *I point to the Everfree forest*

kitto shangurira da yo

kimi to nara aikotoba "ringo mogire biimu" *I point upwards and somehow it fires a pink lazer*

Hey, let's go!

Over the slight side of despair (Come over here!)

I swear it's Shangri-La if I'm with you

The password (Apple Plucking Beam!)

demo doko e itta tote onaji darou ka

"anata wa zutto soko ni todomatteru no?" *Pinkie looks at me with those huge anime eyes*

But isn't it the same wherever I go?

(Are you staying there forever?)

ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu!

yua raifu chenjisu eburishingu!

(Apple Plucking Beam! Apple Plucking Beam!)

(YOUR LIFE CHANGES EVERYTHIIIIIING!!!!)

kimi no kodoku wakatteru yo na sugoi hanashi ni deatte mo

sugu ni kami to omotcha dame sa

"manyuaru de hameteru dake kamo yo

demo soredemo suki ne? aikotoba o itte"

If you meet a story as if it understands your loneliness

You better not believe it's the god

(Probably it just entraps you with a manual, doesn't she?)

(But you still like it, don't you? Say the password)

datte omoi tomerarenu kara

shinji sakebu aikotoba  *I press the big red button*

tomo ni utau subete kawaru to

kaware tobe yo tobu no sa *Missiles launch from behind my house*

'Cause I cannot stop my feelings

I believe, I shout, THE PASSWORD!

I sing together with you, that everything will change

Change, fly, JUST FLY!

"kawatta anata o dare ni misetai?"

akarasama ni mikubitta yatsu

aitsura ni da! *The entire town hears us*

"Who do you want to show your changed self to?"

The dude who underestimated me crudely!

TO DAMN 'EM!

mukougawa e

zetsubou no wazuka na "kotchi gawa e" *Flying shark? lolwut?*

kitto paradaisu da yo

bokura nara aikotoba "ringo mogire biimu" *Giant Laser fires from my chimney...*

Over there

Over the slight side of despair (Come over here!)

I swear it's paradise, we can do it

Our password (Apple Plucking Beam!)

demo doko e itta tote onaji darou ka

"anata wa mada sagashite sae nai no yo"  *IS THAT A FLYING TRAIN!?*

kono zetsubou no yoru wa akeru no darou ka

"anata ni hitotsu oshieteageru wa" *Fluttershy whispers something in my ear*

But isn't it the same wherever I go?

(You haven't even started finding it)

Will this despair night end?

(I will tell you one thing)

'Because Fuck you, that's why!' I jump off the roof to meet Derpy Hooves face to face. Do not mention the eyes... Do not mention the eyes... Do not mention the eyes...

"Sup, BRAH!" Nailed it. She floated past me and tried to shove the letters in a closed mailbox, I open it to let her place the letters inside.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome..." She floats away carrying the next bundle of letters. I take the letters out of the mailbox and open them.

'Make your horn 30% la-' NOPE.AVI!

'Best polishing lubri-' Fuck you Nappa...

'Suffering from brainda-' WHO MAKES THESE ADS?!

I toss all the spam in the trashcan, which leaves the actual letters. I go inside and open the first one up: EHHH!?

"Discord, Drop everything, except the most important things on my to do list: get a new pair of sunglasses, and test out the limits of hammerspace." I smile wickedly.

"We're going to PEGASUS, Baby..." I start walking out the door, tossing the letter behind me, "Oh yeah, and bring the guns." He catches the letter and reads it.

======

Dear Aoi,

Help ME! I'm being held in a dredfully boring political press conference in Las Pegasus! Get your tail over here, please!

Come ASAP,

Princess Celestia

======

"Wait, What?"

*8 hours later*

"YEAH!!! WE MADE IT!!!" Okay, so the jeep caught on fire and explode, HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW THERE WAS GOING TO BE A ROADBLOCK?! Now to check and see if I've brought everything.

Apple Pod... Check, Never leave home without it

2 SMG's (UMP 45's to be exact) ... Check!

4 Shotguns ... Check

Bottle of AppleJack Daniels... Check

Gallon of Grade A Vitamin D Milk... Check

RPG-17... Check

Stinger missiles... Check

Absurdly large, Duke Nuken amount of Ammunition... Oh yah, definitely Check

Shitload of C4 that could nuke Schwartzeneiger, is that how you spell his name? IDK... HELLZ TO DA YEAH!

Oh yeah, we're ready...

"Now that we're here, do you mind telling me why we're saving Celestia from a press conference, and why you told me to bring the guns?"

"Discord, Discord, Discord. 1) I get to use a cliche yet awesome line 2)I'm going to get to use military grade weapons and explosives in less than a day's time frame 3) Imma blow half the town up, causing millions of bits in property damage 4) Look badass while doing it 5) ??? 6) Profit 7) Possibly stop an alien invasion in the near future. I think I make quite a compelling argument don't you think?" He shrugs.

"Meh, fair enough."

Simply put, Las Pegasus is HUGE, and SO MUCH LIKE VEGAS! They even got the bells, I mean buildings right, except most of the monuments are now pony themed. We start heading towards the Building where Celestia is held. It's not hard to find considering there's paparazzi all OVER the damn place.

"Okay! Plan of entry, got any ideas?" I look towards Discord.

"Climb?" He points towards the sheer building face. Crash through the crowd and attempt to scale a building yay high and bust in through the top floor window? I like it!

"'Scuse me, coming through, move paparazzi, watch it Photo Finish, No Comment, Fuck Cameras." Finally, we made it to the building, now to actually scale it. Hmm... what's a good one liner for jumping high into the air like a blooming idiot?

*Aoi Processing Cycle*

"ALLONS-Y!" Perfect... I jump into the air and make it to approximately the 30th floor. I grab the ledge exactly at the peak of my jump. Nice, 30 down, approximately... 130 more to go... SHIT! Okay, new plan, get security on my ass and hope for the best. I take out an SMG and shoot out the window, then hop up into the building, pulling out the second smg and firing off some stray rounds into the ceiling.

"Everypony, get down on the ground, NOW!" They all start hitting the deck at the sight of my waving two guns around. I spot two going for the elevator. I point my gun at them. The alarm sounds, so far so good.

"You TWO, STOP RIGHT THERE!" They pause immediately, "Get everypony down stairs to the first floor," They look at me, confused.

"Free Icecream if you can clear out the bottom floor of paparazzi." They immediately start herding the ponies down the stairs. Icecream, gets them every time. I pressed the button and entered the elevator, reloading the two smgs.

"What is it with that wierd elevator music? Smooth as fuck though..."

I take out the jug of milk and take a long, satisfying swig from it. Nothing like a cold one while riding an elevator. You know how the elevators have those mirror coatings that cause an infinite mirror view. That shit creeps me out, it doesn't help to have a spirit only you can see in there with you.

...

...

...

...

"WHAO!"

"AHHHH! SONNOVABITCH!" I fire half a clip into the other end of the elevator. Discord bursting into laughter.

"DAMMIT DISCORD! WHAT THE TITS!" Why did I just say that in a British accent?

"Oh, the look on your face was PRICELESS!" He starts rolling around on the floor. I shake my head and flip the safeties on. I take out my ApplePod, scrolling to the song I want it to play as my grand entrance, and putting on my headphones over my ears. I click the safeties off and shoot the emergency stop button as I hit the top floor. Then unload the rounds into the frame of the elevator, weakening the edges with each bullet. All the while the only one liner that could come to mind....

"BANGARANG, MUTHAFUHKAAH!"

I reload the smgs, then pull out my shot gun, pumping it once to ready it. I shove the mouth of the barrel right up to the dented divide between the doors.

"Knock Knock, MOE'SUCKRAH!" I pull the trigger, the bullet peeling open the doors before tearing them off from the perforations made by the smgs. The doors fall down, I pull out my ApplePod and hit play, then shifting the shotgun to rest over my shoulder. I'm encountered by scared cowering paparazzi and ponies that look like embassadors, and a grinning Celestia.

"CELLYYYYYYY, I'M HOOOOOOOOME!!!!" Feel free to facepalm at any time. I take a look in a nearby mirror and see myself, my appearance changed drastically. I turn my back toward the city lights and snap a picture with my camera.

"I look pretty damn sexy." I tuck the camera away and shoot a round from my boomstick at the ceiling.

"Alright, nobody move, I'm here to rescue the Princess from this press conference and there's nothing you shuttershits can do to stop me." Suddenly the security detail makes it up the stairs.

"OH SON OF A BEYETCH!" I run past the paparazzi, slamming the butt of my shotgun into one of their faces, knocking off a pair of sunglasses they were wearing, catching it on my head, and grabbing Princess Celestia around the waist.

"Oh my."

"Sorry Princess, Just doing my job... for free..." I prop the stock of the shotgun on my knee and cock the barrel three times, one to eject the shell, the second to eject a full cartridge and ready the shot. I stick the ejected cartridge into the barrel of the shotgun. Badassery, don't fail me now. I point my shotgun into the air and fire, blowing a huge whole to the roof.

"BOOM BIATCH!" EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO MY-

"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!"

"Fuck you skippy...." I jump with Celestia craddled into my arms onto the roof, damn she's heavy. I let her down onto the roof.

"You keep going, I'll hold them off." She nods and runs towards the edge of the building... shit... I toss a packet of C4 down the hole and run after her, detonating it as I jump off. Both me and Celestia skydive  down to the crowd of people, me flipping on my newly aquired sunglasses. I manage to catch up with her and grab her, pulling a cord that opened a parachute labeled, 'I like trains'... Dammit Tom... A train starts crusing through the middle of town, we land on it and start running, ditching the parachute. We start running towards the head of the train, the 'Sky Cops' landing on the train right behind us.

"You'll NEVA TAKE ME ALIVE COPPAS!" I take out my smgs and load rubber bullets into them, then start firing: the bullets slamming into 5 pegasi, making them jerk backwards onto the later part of the train.

"Wait, here comes the guitar solo..." I throw back a pack of C4 in between the cracks, okay, maybe 5.

"RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN LEIK A BAWSE! RUN LIEK  BAWSE!" and yes, we are going to ride FARSA... We dive into the coal pile at the head of the train, then I flip the switch to detonate, just as the solo starts to play.

"AWW YEAH!!!" The C4 explodes, separating the train cars in an overly dramatic, explosive plume. Oh SHIT! The blast derails the train, sending it flying into the air. All I could do was pull a win pose and head bang, with Celestia holding on to me for dear life. the Train starts to land, the wheels screeching across the pavement, then finally stopping at the entrance to the city right as the solo ends. I hit the stop button on my Apple Pod and turn to Celestia.

"And that was without a single drop of rum. Which reminds me," I take out the bottle of AppleJack Daniels, "Would you care for some Princess?" She grabs the bottle and chugs it down, falling backwards into the coal pile. It feels good to be violent once in a while.

"So, how was THAT for a rescue?" I take the bottle away from her hooves and start drinking. She simply laughs.

"If this is what you do for a rescue, I can't wait to see what you do at the Gala." She smiles at me with wide eyes.

"BTW, where's Luna..." In the three seconds after that, I swear that this was the perfect moment to say;

"Drop It..." Luna Lands right infront of us and starts hugging Celestia.

"OH MY DEAR, DEAR SISTER! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? ARE YOU INJURED IN ANY WAY?" PFFT! Must resist urge to open Group Hug.exe. And I didn't even have to use the...

"ALIEN ATTACK!!!" FAHK! I stand up and watch as thousands of UFO's descend from the sky, shooting lasers and setting buildings on fire... THROW THE CHEEEEEEEEESE!!! I pull out the Stinger and lock on to the first one.

"FIRE!" I shoot the missile, only to have it explode harmlessly on it...

*Aoi Processing Cycle*

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...

"I CALL HAX!" Celestia then nudges me on the shoulder, "What is it?"

"Use this." She hands me a stone mask... no, fucking, way. I flip up my sunglasses to get a better look at it, looking somewhat similar to a wolf's face with five pointed stars for eyes and decorations on the forehead. "I had a feeling this day would come, so I brought this along just in case. Put it on." ... welcome to the fourth wall, it's BEEN broken. I put on the stone mask.

"EVAPORATE!" I start feeling myself grow larger and larger, vast amounts of power accumulating in my body, and then the mask breaks, HOLY SHIT I'M FUCKING TALL! No seriously, I stood as tall as the building next to me.

"Whoa... this is some wierd shit right here..." I look at the UFO's, "TIME TO KILL SOME SHIT!" I pull out my smgs and fire, taking down 25 or so UFO's, then a giant box drops from the sky and lands on the Sphinx.

"Noooooo....." It starts to open up...

"Nononooo......" It started to morph and rearrange itself.

"Nononononononononono, FAHK!" There, right in front of my eyes was a giant robot, same height as me. More boxes started to drop on the city and morph into more robots. I draw Oboro Muramasa.

"MUGEN PUNCH!" No, Fucking, Way... I know that Voice... I look to my left to see a giant, pink, horned robot with, you guessed it, balloons on its chest plate, its fist smoking from releasing a devastating punch.

"Pinkie Pie?"

"IN THE STEEL!" I dash and slash through the other robots, while Pinkie punches the rest, obliterating them with each blow. I resheath Oboro and pull out my RPG, completely Dissintegrating another Robot, then taking out my smg to take care of some more UFO's. I put away the rpg and take out the shotgun, ripping the next robot to shrapnel. Me and Pinkie, well, her robot, stand among a pile of scrap metal with the last of the robots exploding behind us.

I eject the empty clip of my smg and pull down my sunglasses, I uppercut the last remaining UFO, then turn around to Pinkie, giving her robot a well deserved brohoof. Then the one liner to make it even more badass...

"Toasty..."