Author's note: I typed the first half of this when I should have been asleep. God knows my brain was asleep during that...
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"So I pulled the bicycle out of his anus and apologized. It was an accident after all." I finished my story. With nothing better to do while walking through the woods we had started telling humorous stories to pass the time. Sure it was only a four mile walk, but I need to be entertained constantly.

"Oh, that reminds me of this one time before medical school. I was swimming around the great barrier reef randomly minding my own business when suddenly a barracuda comes out of nowhere. So everyone is all hiding and stuff, then suddenly it murders some guy's wife and eats all their eggs except one. Anyways, the guy built his nest on the side of the cliff where it was exposed so I go up to him and I'm like 'what did you eggspect?'. Unfortunately he thought the jokes was in BAD TASTE! Hahaha, get it? Because it ate his egg children? Hehe, I'm horrible but I don't even care." Steve finished. That sounds strangely familiar to a movie I think I watched once, but I can't think of what it was called.

"I'm confused. First off, from what I know the great barrier reef was next to Australia and it's out in the ocean. I'm going to assume that it's just a coincidence that these two reefs share a name and instead I'm going to ask how you were in a corral reef when those are in salt water and trouts are fresh water fish. From what you told me you lived in a river." I think trouts are fresh water fish... I don't know anything about fish.

"Magic." Damn it, I hate that answer.

"I find the very concept of magic to be both childish and unrealistic. With that said I won't accept your answer."

"But Paul, if magic doesn't exist how did you reincarnate Steve here?" Stupid Dance Blaster trying to bring logic into an argument about magic.

"I don't know, you're the one who told me how to do it. For all I know this robot here could just be a really good actor and he's making me believe that he's Steve so that I take him with me on my epic adventures. That's about as likely as magic in my opinion. Or maybe you have some really powerful technology that would appear to be magic to the naked eye and you're using it to troll me." I'm not paranoid.

"Next you're gonna' say that I'm secretly a government agent sent by Celestia to spy on you." Said Steve, the sarcasm was apparent in his voice.

"It could happen, how do I know you're not a spy?"

"I'm not even going to waste time explaining all the reasons that you can tell that I'm not a spy, the most obvious of which being that you built me and that I saved your life."

"Acceptibru."

"How do you not believe magic exists? I've seen you do magic multiple times!"

"Yeah!" Chimed in Dance Blaster.

"That's not magic. That's me summoning the awesome powers of the economy from subspace and bending them to my will. That's clearly nothing even remotely like magic."

The robot pony and necromancer pony both sighed defeatedly. I'm far too stubborn to be persuaded on the matter. Magic is stupid and non realistic therefore it doesn't exist. Simple as that. Sex raptors on the other hand are smart and realistic so they do exist.

"Lemon-aid is the only true magic!" We just ignored the demon conch, except Steve who can't hear him and Stephen who just doesn't give a shit about anything because he's a zombie.

"Fine, ignore me. We're here anyways." I looked around a bit and sure enough there was a rock formation with a large metal door stuck into it.

"Cool beans. Now let's bust this shit open and take a gander inside." I walked up to the thing and examined it for a way in. It was pretty much just a solid, silver metal slab set into a metal doorway built into the stone. The only thing that really distinguished it as being a door were the hinges on one side. By the looks of it the thing probably opened using hydraulics, but I have no idea how to activate whatever mechanism would turn that on. Instead I went with the simple approach, using the economy.

Now you might think I solve all my problems with the economy, and now that I think of it I pretty much do. But that's just because it's so useful. Now shut up and let me explain what I did here. I channeled it into a short blade, just long enough to stab through the whole width of the door. I had to guess how thick it was, for all I know it's like four feet thick.... Then we'll be here all day cutting through it.

With such a short blade I was able to more easily put more energy into it. With that said, I plunged my economy knife into the door. It slid in slowly as the metal was offering quite a bit of resistance. I have to admit it was forged pretty well if it's able to withstand economy energon so well. Most things can't. I continued to slice the door for a few minutes until I cut out a large rectangle in the middle of it. Once that was done I reared up and kicked the chunk I had cut out. Luckily my guess was correct and I had cut through the entire width of the door so the chunk flew forward as I kicked it.

I looked back at the group and realized that Stephen wouldn't even close to be able to fit into the small hole I cut. Unfortunately he's the only one who's really all that useful in a fight. I guess demonic conch could be useful with his mind raping abilities, but whatever. "I'll go in and try to figure out how to open the door, you guys stay out here."

"K." I'm pretty sure they were glad to not go into the dark creepy vault full of unknown horrors. I'm a lone wolf anyways.

I crawled into the opening and immediately my eyes adjusted to the dark. The only light inside was coming from the hole I just made. Right now I was in a hallway thing that went down about two stories and then seemed to level out. Before going down I looked at the walls to see if there was any way to open the door from the inside. Sure enough there were several buttons on a panel. I started pushing them willy nilly but they didn't seem to do anything. By my guess, the power in this place isn't turned on.

New objective, turn on the power. I quickly walked down the stairs and started walking down the hall looking for anything that would help me figure out how to turn on the power. About halfway down the hall I found a map on the wall of the 'facility'. Perhaps this isn't simply a vault after all. From the looks of it the hall I'm in flares out into several different halls that lead to different stuff. The whole place isn't very big so it shouldn't take too long to get there. I just have to keep going and then take the first right and walk past the 'bio research lab'. Yeah, definitely not a vault...

I started walking again, happy that I now knew where I was going. I even began to whistle to myself. Normally I assume that someone would be scared of walking around alone in a dark, underground, abandoned research facility, but I doesn't afraid of anything. After a short amount of walking I turned right and started to go down another hall. It was all fun and games until I heard a faint clicking noise coming down the hall from in front of me.

This is the part in every horror movie where the protagonist just stands there waiting for the clicking to get close so they can see what it is. With that said, I played the part perfectly. I just stood there. Even with my ability to see in the dark it's pretty hard to see anything with such a small amount of light so I had to wait till the thing got pretty close. That didn't take long though and soon I was able to see the metal spider thing crawling at me. Its body was about a foot long and it had long sharp legs that made clinking sounds every time they struck the floor.

I just continued to stare at it until it stopped a few feet from me. It simply stayed still for a few moments and if I didn't know any better I'd say it was examining me somehow. The thing didn't have any devices on it that could act as eyes so I'm not sure exactly how that works. Whatever, I'm not going to sit here dilly dallying all day just because some robot spider decided to be an idiot. I was about to try to slip past it when it suddenly let out some kind of alarm. It was pretty much just a loud, high-pitched siren that echoed in the tight hallways.

That thing was really annoying and I think I acted appropriately when I kicked out and smashed the front of it in. It started to release sparks but the siren was still going. What's worse, another leg came out of its back, but this one had a circular saw on the end. Before it could do anything with it I kicked it again, this time in the side. My kick was enough to launch it into a nearby wall where it broke apart. Thankfully the siren stopped. With any luck, no one heard it.

I took a few more steps down the hall when I started hearing clinking again, just there was a lot more of it and it was coming from behind me. I turned around only to see a horde of robot spiders similar to the one I just killed crawling at me. There were at least fifty of them and they were even on the walls and ceiling.

"AHHHH!" I'm not embarrassed to admit that I was pretty startled by that. Who wouldn't be? I quickly picked up the robot spider I had just destroyed and tossed it down the hall at the group. "Take your shit! I don't want it anyways!" This did little to slow them down and they continued to advance at me. Now that they were closer I could see that they had all manner of sharp objects attached to appendages coming from their backs. With nothing better to do I quickly sprinted down to the end of the hallway where I saw another thick metal door.

Crap! I don't have time to break through another door, the spiders are gonna' catch up to me in less than a minute. I tried kicking the door in but that just resulted in my foot hurting really bad. Since that didn't work I looked around the wall and saw a glass panel that was labeled 'emergency door unlock' right next to another panel with several buttons on it. It only makes sense they would put something like that on the door to the generator room. I quickly punched through the glass and pulled the lever down as hard as I could. The result was a loud 'click' from the door. With that done I put my shoulder against the door and pushed it open as hard as I could.

It slowly creaked open, but it was heavy and the hinges could definitely use a good oiling. As soon as it was open enough I jumped inside and pushed it closed behind me. Woo I'm safe now. I quickly looked around the room just to make sure, usually when I think I'm safe something horrible pops out or something. With that said I got to work figuring out how to turn on the generator. Shortly after I entered, the robot spiders had reached the door and were now trying to bust through it with little success. Thankfully it was pretty heavy or they would have probably pushed it open by now. I'm just hoping they aren't smart enough to figure out that they can just all push on it and it'll come open.

Instead of waiting to see how intelligent they are, I got to work. And by got to work I mean I went over to a fuse box on the wall. It required a key to open, but it wasn't made of that hardened silver metal that the doors are made of. It was just regular old iron. Because of this I was able grasp the side with my claws and kick off of the wall until I eventually just broke off the locking mechanism. The small, now bent, door swung open revealing several rows of switches.

With no better ideas I started switching them each off and then on. After going through a few of them I heard a humming sound coming from an engine behind me. Looks like I got the generator to turn on again. I flipped the rest of the switches just for good measure before walking over to the engine in the middle of the room. The humming slowly got louder until it was pretty loud. I guess that just means it's working.

After a few moments the light started to flicker on. "Success!" I yelled while jumping into the air. New objective, go open the outside door for the others. Ok, that one might be hard. How the heck am I supposed to do anything with those robot spiders out there? I looked around the room until I saw another glass panel on the wall. This one had a fire extinguisher and a big red fire axe in it. Why would they even put an axe in there? It's not like you can cut through the doors if there is a fire...

Whatever, I'll take what I can get. I busted the axe out and turned towards the door. Looks like the only way is to fight my way out. No big deal. I walked over to the side of the door and saw another panel with buttons. With any luck now this will work at least. I pushed the biggest button and sure enough the door slid open revealing a group of spider robots trying to stab through it. I wasted no time in swinging my axe low at the closest ones. The axe easily stabbed through the first spider and the force of my swing allowed me to crush the two next to it.

I brought my axe up for another attack but instead had to take a step back as the robots began jumping through the door. With a little bit more room I was able to get a few more swings in which were each fatal to at least one robot. They had numbers but they were pretty terrible at fighting. Their only tactic seemed to be running at their target and poking randomly with their weapons. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want them to poke me, but they were predictable.

With that said I was able to continually swing my weapon and kick them without taking any bodily damage. Within about a minute they were all reduced to lumps of scrap metal and I was feeling pretty good. I just owned an entire group of robot spiders. Hell yeah!

Now that that is done, I leaned my axe against my shoulder and walked down the hallway while whistling to myself. I may be alone here, but that doesn't mean I can't act like a complete badass. I stopped as soon as I got next to the door to the 'bio research lab'. Curiosity is victorious once again, I just had to check out what was in there. I pushed a button and the door opened on its own. Inside was a dimly lit room with a bunch of glass pods of some kind stationed against a wall. Surprisingly, everything wasn't covered in dust even though it seems like nothing has been in here in a long time. The facility probably has some kind of air filtration system.

I walked over to a nearby desk and noticed a large poster on the wall. Strangely, it showed pictures of ponies. There seemed to be four different kinds of ponies on the picture. According to it there were 'normal' ponies, 'winged' ponies, 'horned' ponies, and 'tentacle' ponies. Underneath each picture was a more detailed picture showing its anatomy. The tentacle ponies seemed to be almost the same as normal ponies, but they had two pairs of tentacles jutting out of their sides where a pegasus' wings would be. Next to that poster was another poster that showed two ponies. One with a horn and wings, the other with a horn, wings, and a tentacles extending from behind the wings.

Ok, this is kinda' weird. I then turned around to look at the pods. At first I thought they just had strange lumps in them, but closer inspection revealed that they were tentacle ponies. They looked almost exactly like normal ponies except their bottom jaw was set slightly lower and they seemed to have sharp teeth, not to mention the tentacles. I looked at the rest of the pods and noticed that the two on the end were smashed open and there were no signs of bodies anywhere.

"NOPE NOPE NOPE!" I said as I turned and left the room, closing the door behind me. I want no part in that.

With that said I made my way back to the main door. Once I was there I pushed a button on the inside and the door slid open revealing the rest of the group just hanging around there. "Don't worry guys, I did all the work. Now let's explore this thing."

"It took you long enough, we had to wait for like half an hour!"

"Well excuuuuuse me princess. I had to find my way around in the dark, fix the power supply, and then fight an army of robot spiders."

"Yeah yeah, excuses."

"Shut your face or I'm gonna' reprogram you to kiss boys!" Hehe, that shut him up. "Alright, go team friendship explosion!"

"That ones new." Said Dance Blaster.

"Yep, I just thought of it." After saying that I turned around and walked through the now-open door with the others following behind. Stephen had to crouch down slightly to fit inside, but he managed. We went a little ways until we got to the map again. I looked at it more closely this time and noticed that there was a room literally called 'robot spider storage'. Well that explains where all of those came from... Down a different hall was a room labeled 'weapon storage'. Aside from that there were a few research labs, a sleeping area, and a cafeteria. I didn't much like the idea of eating food that's been sitting here for who knows how many years, so the only other place to go was the weapon storage room.

It was down the second hall to the left so we went there. Thankfully it looked like I cleared all the robot spiders out so we didn't see any more patrolling the halls. Not that they were all that bad, they were just annoying. Once we got to the weapon room I simply pushed the button and the door opened. You'd think they would have some security protocol or something so not just anyone can walk into here. Oh well, I'm not gonna' complain about that.

Once we were inside we all stopped in our tracks. I pulled the sunglasses out of my chest cavity, and put them on just so that I could pull them off. "Mother of Got..." There sitting in the middle of the room was six apache helicopters, the most epic helicopters of all time.

The room was basically just a big open area with some other weapons on the walls. It had a high roof that looked like it opened up. I confirmed this when I found a switch that opened the ceiling. The large ceiling doors moved upwards before swinging out, easily pushing any dirt and trees out of the way. Well I guess today wasn't a complete waste. "Hey Dance Blaster. You think the spy crabs can fly pilot these?"

Meanwhile, back in Canterlot castle.

"Captain OC pony, ready your battalion. We need to destroy the creatures in the forest before they become a threat."

"Yes princess!" Saluted captain OC pony. "We'll march into battle no later than tomorrow morning."

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That awkward moment when you end up making the chapter twice as long as you expected. Then again 95% of the stuff that happens is stuff that I think of while typing so it's pretty hard to plan that shit. Anyways, the spider research facility has apache helicopters which are cooler than cake imo.