Author's note: I'm so excitement to type the next few chapters for some raison... Unfortunate I got to take it slow or it will seem crappy.
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"What the hell man! I thought you said this vault was only a little ways off!" I yelled at the stupid conch I was holding.

"It is."

"Fuck you it is! We've been flying for like two and a half hours! We're probably back in pony world by now!"

"Foolish fool, it is a little ways off in my opinion. Maybe you should have asked before we left the mountains!"

"Alright, I forgot that everything is always my fault. My mistake." I should have known better than to use sarcasm on the internet.

"Don't worry, everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Except for me because I am supreme!"

"Well don't get a big dick. Oh wait, you're a conch, you don't have one!" Hahaha I got him good.

"Foolish fool, demon lords don't have genitals!" Oh... Well I guess I was uninformed.

"Well you two shut your dumb, ugly, and most likely disease ridden mouths? I'm trying to fly here! Besides I think I see something up ahead." Fuck you too Steve. I looked up ahead to see what he was pointing at and sure enough there was a clearing in the forest. This was actually the first one we've seen in over an hour of flying, the woods out here are really thick.

"Hey yo demon man (not demoman), is that it?" Perhaps we were finally there.

"Nope. Although we're getting close that clearing is just filled with a bunch of creatures." Demon sense is op.

"A bunch of creatures you say? I don't know about you guys but I'm hungry as hell." I haven't eaten in like a day and a half. "Let's land there."

We flew forward a little ways until we were in the clearing and I'm not gonna' lie, I was shocked at what I saw. Dozens of RED spy crabs were out grazing on the grass and enjoying the midday sun. "What the capital FUCK on a dump truck?! Where did those come from?"

"Well I'd assume that when a mommy one of those things and a daddy one of those things love each other very much, they do the special hug." Fuck you Steve, I don't need to know how babies are made. I practically invented making babies!

"I think there was only one of those things originally, now from the looks of it there's at least a few dozen. Oh well, let's land there, I'm hungry." So we did, Steve landed in the middle of the field. The nearby spy crabs didn't seem to even notice us there as they continued eating their grass. I was too hungry to think about it too hard right now. Without wasting any more time I jumped on a nearby spy crab and sliced its neck open with my foot claws, the thing didn't even put up much of a fight. I then ate its skin. Needless to say it was delicious.

This seemed to shock the rest of the spy crabs out of their grazing and they all turned towards me. Without any warning they all started yelling. "MERDE MERDE MERDE MERDE!!!"

"Awww what the hell?!" I turned and looked at Steve. "Are you seeing this?!"

"I don't think they're very happy with you eating their friend."

"Yeah, I can understand that, but they don't have to be so annoying about it." We had to shout our conversation over the constant screams of the spy crabs. You know what, they are being really annoying, I'm about to choke a bitch! And by 'a' I mean 'lots of' and by 'bitch' I mean 'spy crabs' and by 'choke' I mean 'disembowel'. I was getting ready to jump into the fray when I heard more shouting coming from the forest around us. I listened in closely and sure enough it was more spy crabs, easily distinguishable by their unique call.

"Hey Steve."

"Yeah Paul?"

"This whole place is about to turn into a massive spy crab gang bang..." As soon as I said that hundreds more spy crabs started to slowly emerge from the forest all around us. Now their constant screaming was getting intolerable. Like my head was literally starting to hurt. It didn't help that they were all smoking too, there was just smoke everywhere. I even saw one spy crab with like forty cigarettes stuffed into his mouth. Hehe, gentlemen.

"MERDE MERDE MERDE MERDE MERDE!"

"Oh my Got will you shut up!" I yelled but it was easily drowned out. I began to rub my face, this was even more annoying then when twelve year-olds try to be funny on the mic. It was almost like they sensed my anguish as they all suddenly stopped screaming at once. This was either really good or really bad. I expected them to charge at any moment now, that's usually what happens in these kinds of situations.

I was pleasantly surprised when that didn't happen and instead a dark gray pony with black hair and a pony skull ass tattoo came out of the forest along with a large zombie monster. It wasn't hard to distinguish them as the necromancer and Stephen. Note to self, ask the necromancer for his name again, calling him that is just stupid.

"Hey necro bud! Didn't expect to see you here."

"I could say the same thing, what are you doing disturbing my spy crabs?"

"Well we were just flying by and we saw them and I was pretty hungry. Now what do you mean your spy crabs?"

"I'm their leader and I'd appreciate if you wouldn't eat them." Wait what the hell?!

"How are you their leader, also where did they even come from? I thought there was only one spy crab."

"There was only one, they reproduce a-sexually." That explains everything... "All I had to do was show my dominance and now they all follow me unquestioningly. I'm even getting them to build me a castle!"

"Hmmm, that's pretty cool, but I have something even cooler. Ooooh, let me introduce you to my friends first. This here is demonic conch, he's a lemon demon lord trapped inside a conch shell body."

"Foolish mortal! I will flay your skin and use it as a blanket for my delicate shell!"

"Shut up conch man, he's a lich and the other one is a zombie, they're both immortal." He would probably be more intimidating if he wasn't a sea shell.

"What the fuck?! Is everyone here immortal?!?!"

I looked around for a bit. "Yep, pretty much." I then turned back to the necromancer. "And you remember Steve, the fish you brought back to life and that I beat you to death with."

"You turned him into a robot unicorn?"

"Of course!" What else would I turn him into?

"Wait a second, did you die Paul?" Ummm, that's a weird question.

"Idk.... Why?"

"Cause you look like a lich." I couldn't help but think of Samuel Jackson yelling 'Does he look like a bitch?!'.

"What? How can you even tell?"

"Don't ask me! I just can, ok? I have tingly lich senses, you probably do too, you're just too stupid to notice. You clearly died and then revived at some point!" I thought about it for a little while and remembered that time I woke up underground.

"Now that I think about it, I think I did die..." The necromancer face hoofed when I said this. Not my fault I didn't connect the dots, at the time my brain was bleeding everywhere and it hurt like hell."Enough about that, we're going to some super cool vault that's around here or something, you want to come?"

The necromancer's eyes widened when I mentioned a vault. "I know just what you're talking about, unfortunately I haven't been able to break into it. The door is made of solid metal."

"Pshhhh solid metal, I could break that in my sleep." Sleep is for idiot heads. "How far is it?"

The necromancer pointed towards the woods. "It's about four miles that way."

We were about to begin walking when I remembered something. "Wait a second! You still haven't told us your name! I'm not opening any vaults until you tell us! Calling you 'the necromancer' got old like ten years ago."

He rubbed his face like he was really reluctant to say his name. "Alright, my name is Dance Blaster." He turned his head away as if he was in shame.

"That's one of the coolest names I've ever heard..." I thought he'd have a stupid name like 'XxNecroSkullxX' or something.

"Really? You're not going to make fun of me for it?"

"I could, but why do you expect me to?"

"Because my name has nothing to do with my cutie mark." I assume he's talking about his ass tattoo. "All the other ponies have names that correspond with their special talent and cutie mark for some reason so they all made fun of me about it for years. That's why I left Ponyville to come and live in the forest almost five years ago."

Hmm, looks like suddenly another OC character has a backstory... Shit... "Well that's a cool story and all, but I feel like you are the only pony I've met so far with a name that isn't stupid. Now come on you little scamp, we have a vault to open!"

I turned and started walking in the direction he pointed and the others followed me. "Go team sex raptor!"

"What! That's just stupid, we aren't team sex raptor!!!"

"Oh really Steve, then what are we?"

"How about team awesome!?"

"I like that." Said Dance master. Now they're teaming up on me.

"Much too cliche, if we're gonna' be a team we need to be original."

"Team murder!"

"I like the way you think demon conch, but that might give the wrong impression. Same reason we can't be 'team baby rape train' or something. People will hear that and they'll flip shit." Then I got a great idea for a team name. "How about 'team we aren't the bad guys'!"

"That's just awful. I hate you for even coming up with that and I curse the fact that I'm not creative enough to think of anything else right now, so we'll just go with that." Good enough for me.

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Yeah, I'll cut that off there. Shorter chapter I know, but I have some idea about what I want to happen and I want to do it right. Next time, to the vault!!!!!!!
Sorry, I don't think this one was very funny. Oh well...