Author's note: I don't know why I have such low self stream when it comes to my writing. Either way I have trouble not thinking that everything I write sucks. Makes it hard to get motivated enough to type a new chapter. Don't mind this, just me and my constant QQ'ing.
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Luna, Celestia, and the elements of harmony were having a great time. At least Twilight was, the other elements weren't enjoying this much at all. They were all seated on some sofas in some random room in the castle staring at a huge flat screen TV that encompassed one wall. Twilight and the princesses were watching in joy and laughing to themselves while eating popcorn while the rest looked on in horror. They had never seen such gruesome acts committed in their worst nightmares, so witnessing them happening live was shocking to them. Surprisingly Twilight didn't seem phased by this even though she should be disgusted like her friends. The princesses were simply used to such things after being alive for so long. You don't stay in charge for well over a thousand years without getting your hooves dirty from time to time.

What were they watching? Just a direct feed from the camera in the omega spider's visor. They watched as the huge spider massacred an entire town of gryphons on its way to Paul. Thankfully the omega spider has some very innate senses. It could probably track down Paul on a whole nother continent. They continued watching as a new town came into view and the gryphon guards swooped down to stop the beast before it destroyed anything. Luna grabbed a freshly popped bag of popcorn out of the microwave and returned to the couch just in time to see the spider easily deal with the opposition.

"Woo the fun has been doubled!" Yelled Luna.

Celestia gave her a stern look. "Now sister, I don't mind that you keep repeating that catch phrase over and over again, but at least use it at times when it would make sense."

Luna sighed, they would never understand the joy she got from having her very own catchphrase.

(Ouch, my cat just scratched me across the finger. Now it hurts when I type! D:)

Instead of continuing the conversation the gathered ponies stared at the screen as the omega spider spotted something green in the distance and started charging towards it.

"Is that?" Celestia muttered to herself. As they got closer it was distinguishable as a reptile thing, which means Paul.

"It is!" Shouted Twilight happily. "Finally, he doesn't stand a chance against out killing machine!"

They all sat up and inched slightly closer to the television as the first missiles were fired. They couldn't wait to see the charred husk of Paul as soon as the smoke settled. There was instant disappointment as they noticed that Paul managed to dodge the attack, but no matter the spider still had the thing in its sights. They all thought that he was as good as dead by now, nothing could best the omega spider in honorable combat.

The fight went on a lot longer than expected. Really the ponies just expected the huge arachnid to shoot Paul a few times through the chest, suck out his vital goo, and return home with his hide. The princesses had talked of all the cool things they could make with his scales, like a new purse or socks. This was just dragging on, however, as Paul continued to dodge around. He even scored several attacks of his own, none of which did very much.

The ponies still had faith in the spider even after being hit a few times, and they cheered whenever it managed to hurt their hated enemy. No doubt Paul would tire soon while the spider seemed to have an infinite amount of stamina. Then Paul dodged to the side and disappeared from the spider's view. Suddenly the omega spider fell to the ground and started hissing while its vision went slightly fuzzy which confused the princesses.

"What is going on?!" Yelled Celestia. She was answered as Paul came into the spider's view and slowly plunged his weapon into the faceplate thus ending the video feed. They all stood their shocked for a few moments at what just happened. Nothing could possibly defeat the omega spider! It was a killing machine! And what's worse, now the spider will probably be reincarnated. The last thing they need right now is a huge spider running around.

"It looks like we underestimated him." Said Celestia after a few moments. She hated to admit it, but this raptor was good. And she wasn't completely angry that the game would go on, ponies were actually spending time with her for a change. "We'll just have to use our most powerful weapon on him."

This got strange looks from every pony present. "Uhm, princess. I thought THAT was our most powerful weapon."

"Well of course not, Applejack. Our most powerful weapon is the elements of harmony. Not even a spider can defeat the cold fury of true friendship! Twilight, get everything you need, you have an annoying dragon-thing to kill!"

Twilight saluted as best she could as she grew a wicked grin from ear to ear. Her friends were slightly put off by her recent behavior, it's like she's suddenly become a blood thirsty monster.

Their conversation was interrupted as a guard pony ran in and quickly saluted the princess. "Princess, we have a situation!"

Celestia turned to the stallion guard before her with irritation drawn on her face, what more could possibly be going wrong? "Well, report."

"Our scouts have found a large group of unidentified creatures massing in the Everfree forest." He then held some pictures up in one hoof for the princess to see. The creatures seemed to be tall two legged red things. "They are breeding very quickly. We've yet to come into contact with the creatures so we have no way of knowing if they are hostile, but at the rate they are reproducing we'll have to deal with them eventually."

Celestia thought about it for a few seconds. "Get me Captain OC pony, I'll discuss this with him."

Meanwhile, back at our friendly and always polite protagonist, Paul, things are going just swimmingly (hehe fish puns, because Steve used to be a fish!).

"WE'RE FUCKING LOST! WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE ARE AT ALL!"

"I didn't think we had a destination to start with. Besides, all land looks the same to me." Steve reasoned.

"Well it would be nice to know where we are in relation to where we were. And what, are you saying that all water doesn't look the same to you?"

Steve seemed disturbed at the very idea that all areas underwater could look the same. "Of course not! Underwater looks vastly different wherever you go, how do you think fish find their way around in the ocean?"

"I was under the influence that fish just swim around randomly like a bunch of idiots."

"Well I have to say, Paul, I'm hurt that you would think something so racist."

"I don't think 'racist' is the word you're looking for. Perhaps try 'ignorant' or 'rude'."

"I know exactly what I wanted to say, you are a racist!"

I'm a lot of things, but not a racist. Ok, maybe a little. But come on, who isn't a little racist? "I will not stand here and be accused of such heinous things. I'm about as racist as your average hill billy religious zealot, which is to say very little." Hill billy religious zealots are known for being open minded and are happy to receive new ideas.

"Fine, than sit down."

"Hehe, maybe I will."

"Do it fagge!"

"What the hell is a 'fagge'?" I asked with a laugh.

"It's how I imagine a french person would say 'faggot'."

"Fair enough." I said as we continued walking. We were walking like this for a few hours and we didn't really know where we were. We could easily backtrack to the town because of the huge pillar of smoke rising up in the distance, but we agreed it would probably be better to not go back there. After fighting the spider we skiddadled out of there faster than a jelly fish in Ju-ly. Now the landscape was gradually turning into a forest again as appose to the steep slopes of the mountains that were only inhabited by bushes and the tears of dead gryphons. Lol, dead gryphons...

"Soooo." I started. I preferred our conversations to just walking silently. "How long do you think we'll have to walk before something interesting happens?" Almost as soon as I asked that I heard a high pitched whistling noise a little ways off. "Well that was sooner than expected, what do you think that is?"

Steve just shrugged his robot pony shoulders. "IDONO!" He said in one word. As the whistling got closer I began to look around a little until I saw a small object flying through the air a little ways up. It seemed to be propelling itself by expelling a stream of liquid behind it. Within a few seconds it flew up and landed on the ground a little ways in front of me.

"Greetings mortal!" Yep, you guessed it, it's demonic conch.

"You, know. I'm not a mortal. I'm like multiple millions of years old bro."

Steve and the conch seemed surprised at this. "Really?" "Really?" They both asked in unison.

"Yep."

"Well what about the other one, surely he's not immortal."

"Actually he is, he's a robot."

"Damn."

"Who the hell are you talking to?!" Asked Steve. Oh yeah, Steve probably can't hear the demonic conch in his head because he's a robot and things work that way.

"Oh, I'm talking to the conch. He speaks into my mind or something like that." Steve gave me a stare like he expected me to claim that I could count all the way to potato next. "I'm being serious."

"Ok, and where did this thing even come from?"

"Well according to him he's a lemon-aid demon lord trapped inside the body of a conch. I met him when I went to the elemental plane of unicorns."

"That's just stupid. Honestly, in the last week I've known you everything that has happened has been really weird." Huh, I didn't notice anything weird.

"Is what's been going on not considered normal? Honestly I don't even know any more." I looked to the conch to get his opinion.

"Don't look at me, I've been trapped in a horrible plane filled with nothing but unicorn-themed creatures for months. Compared to that everything seems normal."

I looked back at Steve. "See, he thinks it's normal."

Steve face hoofed which made a metallic 'clink'. "Honestly, I'm not going to judge what's normal based on the opinion of a conch demon. In fact, he's one of the least normal things here. For all I know you're just trolling me and he can't even talk."

"You hear that conch, he doesn't think you can talk!"

"I didn't say that!" Yelled Steve.

"You didn't say a lot of things!"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Steve seemed more confused than angry even though he was starting to yell.

"Oh I don't know. You didn't tell me happy birthday! DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT TOO!?"

"What the hell?@! How was I supposed to know it was your birthday?"

"Well..." Come to think of it, when is my birthday? "I don't know. Maybe you could have asked."

"Fine, when is your birthday?" Damn him and his questions!

"Hell if I know, I haven't celebrated my birthday in... ever."

"Well that's just fantastic... Next you're going to get mad at me for not taking out the trash or something even though we're in the middle of a fucking mountain range!"

"You guys argue like an old married couple." You know, he has a point.

"Lol, why are we even arguing?" I asked with a chuckle.

"I don't know. I thought it was just because we're bored and have nowhere to go." Yeah, that's probably it.

"Nowhere to go you say?"

"Huh, do you know where we could go Mr. Conch sir?"

"I know a lot of things. One of them is somewhere we can go. I found a strange looking hidden vault while I was cruising over the forest a little ways off. I couldn't open it, though, because I lack hands and such."

"How could you have found something hidden while flying over the forest? It clearly wasn't hidden that well."

"I have demon senses... Don't question it fool!!!"

"Alright, good enough for me. New objective, find this vault!" I quickly picked up demonic conch and jumped onto Steve's back. "Hi-ho silver, and away!" I yelled as we flew up into the air with a rainbow trail behind us. It's funny because he's a silver pony.

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That chapter was surprisingly easy to type. I find that typing conversations is pretty simple. Demonic conch joined the party! Things are sure to get waaaay more fun now. Who could possibly be in the forest? What's in the vault? No, it's nothing obvious.