Author's note: So I called this story 'Raptor-tastic' mainly because I couldn't think of anything... ANYTHING... better at the time. If you have a suggestion for a better title say it in the comments. Or don't... That's cool too...
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"Stupid gryphons..." I grumbled as I listened to the screams of that stupid pink gryphon outside as she called for help.

Steve nodded in agreement. "Maybe we should leave before the guards come." Always the voice of reason.

"That's a good idea. You're a credit to team, Steve." I could have sworn I heard him 'sqee' at the compliment, he'd probably be blushing too if he wasn't a robot. Unfortunately that good idea was wasted as we were confronted by guards.

"You have committed crimes against Aviaria and her people, what say you in your defense?!" Well that's just fantastic, they're just outright going to say that I've committed crimes. No innocent until proven guilty? What a bunch of dicks... Oh well, maybe I can salvage this situation with my master persuasion and charisma. I quickly rolled a dice for my charisma. Damn... Rolled a two... Oh well, I'll just have to work with it.

"Well you see, me and my friend here-"

"What!" Steve interrupted, "Don't bring me into this!"

"I" I reiterated, "didn't have any money so Mrs. Teagle here," I then waved a claw towards the limp form of the white gryphon across the store, "tried to kill me with a pair of scissors. And then Mr. Teagle tried to decapitate me with an axe. Needless to say I beat them up, but it was in self defense." Surely the guards would be able to understand that I didn't start the fight. I mean, first these gryphons tried to rip me off, really 14 bits for a tie? Then they try to murder me? With scissors?! Who does that?!!?>!

"You're under arrest!" Yelled the guard. Apparently they don't listen to reason... Or perhaps they noticed the bloody mess of Mr. Teagle lying on the floor. Perhaps I hit him a bit too hard... Unfortunately for him, one of the guards tried to slap a pair of cuffs onto my arms. Now I may have committed murder, but I wasn't about to go with them quietly. If anything, I was gonna' cause as much of a scene as I could.

"Fuck you." I slapped the cuffs out of his hand. "And fuck your family!"

Then both the guards pulled swords from hilts on their sides right below their wings. Well, looks like this is going to get messy. Without another word they both charged at me with their swords high in the air, ready to swing them down at me. Pshhh, like that would work.

I simply jumped back as they swung and easily avoided the relatively short blades. Once the blades finished their arc and were pointed downwards I did what raptors of all kind do best. I jumped at them, foot talons bared. Less than a second passed before there was a distinct scraping sound that represented my large foot talons entering their skulls with enough force to bring down a small brontosaurus. "All gone!" I said in a high pitched voice.

"Alright, now let's leave." Said Steve. He clearly didn't want to stick around here all day with a bunch of angry gryphons in the area.

"KKK!" I replied while running through the door. I only made it a few feet outside before I stopped. Standing around the building were at least thirty more gryphon guards all armed with spears, swords, or what looked like rifles. Wtf, where did they get rifles? I didn't think they had guns here... Then suddenly a little dart with a fuzzy red butt poked into my chest.

Tranquilizer rifles... Of course... I've played enough zoo tychoon to know that they'll probably put me into a box once I'm passed out. Unfortunately for them, I'm a sex raptor and therefore it takes a LOT of tranquilizers to bring me down! I'm no light weight!

As if on cue, about half a dozen more tranquilizers burrowed themselves into various parts of my body and I started feeling woozy. As my vision faded and I started teetering forward I was able to mumble one last thing. "Fuck on a chicken sandwich." Then everything went black.

I woke up later. I have this bad habit of waking up in weird places, and this was no exception. The small amount of light revealed that I was indoors. I stood up and felt around the small room I was in. Yep, it looked like they put me in a box... What the hell?! Of course, then I heard footsteps from outside a small window built into the side. I quickly put my head near the opening to try to see out.

Pretty much all I could see was a narrow hallway lit by a single torch and patrolled by a gryphon guard. Looks like I'm not really in a box, it's more like a prison cell. Meh, might as well be a box. "Hey guard!" I said without really thinking about it.

The gryphon turned and looked at me before getting a little closer. "Shut up!"

Wow, are all guards dickbags? Maybe we could be friends if they weren't so mean. What did I do? I mean, aside from the obvious. "Not until you answer a few questions for me."

"What makes you think I would answer shit for you?"

Does he not know that I could literally destroy his brain? "Listen here bud because I'm not going to warn you again. I've listened to the song 'Friday' by Rebecca Black, and though I shutter to think what would happen to your brain if I were to start singing that, I won't hesitate to if provoked. Now then here's your options, either you can answer my questions and I'll be quiet or I'll literally FUCK YOU IN THE MIND with my singing! Take your choice."

The guard just glared at me for a second before smiling. "Hehe, you're funny. What kind of questions do you have?"

Well that was easy, I could have sworn he was going to make me sing it. Thank god that I didn't have to, that song belongs in the deepest recesses of hell and no mortal should ever be exposed to it for any reason. "First off, where is this?"

"Well you're in the prison under the arena obviously!"

"The arena?" I have a bad feeling about where this is going.

"Well duh, you broke the law so now you have to fight in the arena." He said this so nonchalantly, it must be common knowledge around here. Well looks like I'm gonna' be role playing a gladiator today.

"Ok, so when does this arena thing start?"

The guard tapped his chin and thought for a while. "It should be about two hours, you'll probably go first. It's not every day we get to watch a dragon get slaughtered in there, everyones gonna' like that!"

"You underestimate my power!" The guard just looked at me like I was stupid. It looks like the reference was lost on him. Sad day when no one understands the thousands of references I use constantly.

"Yeah whatever. Now that I answered your questions will you kindly shut your mouth?" We did have a deal.

"K."

Then I got to thinking. How am I gonna' get out of this one? I wonder if they caught Steve. Probably not, he probably just hid in the building or something while they dragged me off. He didn't really do anything anyways. Maybe he'll even save me... Again! Whatever, perhaps the arena will be fun. In fact, I'm positive it will be. Fun fun fun!

Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun!

I stopped my inner fun monologue when a thought popped into my head. 'If I'm gonna be a gladiator I need a theme song!' The next two hours was spent with me thinking of what song to use.

Time passed and I was sitting on the floor quietly humming to myself. I put on my sunglasses quite a while ago because I knew the most important thing about being a gladiator is looking cool. Then the floor below me suddenly started raising, along with the ceiling. I looked up to see it go up a little ways and then part to let in a stream of sunlight. Huh, I guess that guard wasn't kidding when he said that I was 'under the arena'. From the looks of it they just raise the cell up so soon I'll be in the arena. I guess with that they avoid dealing with angry prisoners.

Now that I could hear the shouting of what was likely hundreds of excited gryphons I knew it was time. I pulled the tiny boom box from my chest cavity and picked up the keytar that I had asked the economy for. The economies a cool guy so he accepted my request and he sent me one from subspace that was made almost entirely out of energon.

Once the platform raised up all the way I could see the details of the arena. It was literally just a big round area with a sand floor. The whole thing was surrounded by a wall about ten feet tall and a net that closed the whole place in. I guess that makes sense because otherwise gryphons could just fly away. There was also one gryphon in the arena about a hundred feet away who had just been pushed up as well and was holding a short spear in one claw and a small buckler in the other. This was apparently my opponent. Outside of the net were rows of wooden bleachers about ten high that went around the entire arena. From the looks of it there were at least a few thousand gryphons who had shown up to watch the event. Well then, I'd better give them a good show.

I picked up my keytar and turned on the boom box which started to play the drum beats for me. Before long I started playing along with my keytar like a pro before the singing part started.

"Talking away

I don't know what

I'm to say I'll say it anyway

Today's another day to find you

Shying away

I'll be coming for your love, OK?

Take on me

Take me on

I'll be gone

In a day or two

So needless to say

I'm odds and ends

But that's me stumbling away

Slowly learning that life is OK.

Say after me

It's no better to be safe than sorry

Take on me

Take me on

I'll be gone

In a day or two

Oh the things that you say

Is it life or

Just a play my worries away

You're all the things I've got to remember

You're shying away

I'll be coming for you anyway

Take on me

Take me on

I'll be gone

In a day or two"

Once I was done I looked around at the crowd who all displayed various degrees of 'wtf'. Well I guess that's not the performance they were expecting. Or should I say 'purr-formance'? Get it? Because they're part cat?! Le sigh, my jokes suck. Whatever, I regret nothing. Besides, I wasn't going to give up the chance to sing to a crowd. I'm an attention whore goddamnit!

Then I looked over to the gryphon I was supposed to be fighting. He, I assumed it was a he, looked even more confused than the other gryphons. Unfortunately, it didn't take him long to recover from his initial shock and now he was glaring at me. Yeah, he wanted me dead.

Then he started yelling as he charged at me on his back legs with his wings flared. No doubt he was looking to impale me and get this over with quickly since I don't really have any weapons. The fool forgets that I'm a super powerful sex raptor, I don't need no fancy weapons to beat a scrub like him. Also i got my key tar. Once he got within striking distance I jumped to the left and rolled a few feet before getting back onto my feet. He turned just in time to block my kick with his buckler. Hehe, If a pony kicked it then it really would be a 'buck'ler. Don't think too hard about that joke...

Although he blocked my foot, it was still enough to make him stagger backwards. With him off balance I decided to show off a little. I jumped into the air at least ten feet and did a few front flips before landing behind him. We both turned to face each other, but I was much closer now and I was easily able to slap his spear out of the way with my left claw leaving him exposed in a very non sexual way. I then smacked him across the head with my key tar before he could do anything. His head swiveled around from the force of the attack and I'm pretty sure I heard some crunching. Ouch, that looked and sounded like it really hurt. This was confirmed when he collapsed onto the ground.

The crowd of gryphons was silent for a few seconds as they realized what just happened. Clearly they had expected me to get owned since I didn't have a proper weapon. Then they started cheering. I felt like a celebrity. This was such a great feel, I knew this whole 'gladiator' thing would be fun. Then their cheering was drowned out as what sounded like an air raid siren started to go off. I've seen enough silent hill to know that whenever the air raid siren goes off shit is about to go down. Sure enough, there was the distinct sound of gun shots in the distance and the crowd started to panic.

Will shit, I was having a good time...

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Yeah I made Paul sing a song, deal with it. For some reason I like that song...
Mmmmmhmm, next chapter shits about to go down.