Author's note: Good news everybody, I'm back from cali-cali-fornia! Best part is I didn't even die in a horrible, skin rending car accident on the drive back. I also got a new cat, but no one cares about that. I know what you're all thinking, 'Hey Ethesto, stop typing stupid shit about your life that everyone is just going to skim over and type some dumb shit about ponies and raptors and stuff'. Well ok, if that's what you want. I shutter to imagine how you all even slept at night knowing that I wasn't able to type anything for you for so long.
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"Flying around at the speed of sound, got places to go gotta' follow my rainbow! Can't stick around gotta' keep moving on, cuz what lies ahead only one way to find out!" Ok, yeah. I was singing the song from sonic, but in my defense I was pretty bored. I mean, sure flying on the back of a robot unicorn if fun and all, but we were flying for hours already... Maybe even days! Ok, not days. Just several hours. I'm surprised I could even breathe, we were pretty high in the atmosphere. Oh well, I'm not going to ask questions. Questions only lead to disappointment.

Now that all that is out of the way, I have no idea where we are going. We're traveling at like four hundred miles per hour and I'm pretty sure we're just going in a random direction. I don't know, I'm not gonna' ask about it. Like I said before, questions only lead to disappoint. I'm just along for the ride!

At least the scenery is... Satisfactory. Sure Equestria is alright, but I've seen better in a trailer park. It's like, do these ponies even care about where they live? This whole place is nothin' but trees and nature everywhere aside from the occasional small town. If these ponies had even an ounce of intelligence they would have learned that nature's one true purpose is to be destroyed. I'm pretty sure that trees are only there to test whether or not we are smart enough to destroy them. That's what separates the intelligent species from, I don't know, tigers. I mean, sure tigers are strong and stuff, but you don't see them destroying trees. But I digress.

You know what, screw my brain! I'm going to ask questions whether or not they yield disappointing answers. After all, what is life if not one disappointment after another. "Hey Steve, where are we going?" I had to say it pretty loud because the wind drowned out almost all of the sound.

"Idk." Replied Steve. Of course he doesn't know, he was a fish before now. He probably knows very little about the surface world. In retrospect perhaps I should have given him some kind of long range scanning equipment when I built him so that we could actually tell where we were going. Oh well, too late for that.

"Ok." Right after saying that I spotted a mountain range jutting up over the horizon with my keen sex raptor eyes. "Let's go there." I yelled while pointing towards said mountain range. He couldn't see me pointing because I was riding on his back, but I think he spotted the mountains too.

Flying to them didn't take too long. On foot the trip to them would have easily taken days, but it only took us a little less than an hour. Now that we were closer I was able to see the details of the mountains. They were steep slopes that eventually curved upwards into high rocky cliffs covered in snow. Most of the foliage wasn't able to grow above a couple thousand feet so the peeks were devoid of any plant life. I might have even considered them to be beautiful if I hadn't seen cooler stuff in my life and if I was easily impressed.

It didn't take long to spot a settlement. The smoke wafting up into the sky over the barren cliffs was a dead give away. Naturally, with no real direction we flew towards that. Once we got close it was easy to see that it was a town although it definitely wasn't a pony town. For one, it was built into the side of the cliff pretty high up so it would be almost impossible for the non-flying ponies to even reach the town. Next, the architecture was distinctly different than what I'd seen in pony towns. Instead of having thatch roofs the buildings were made almost entirely out of wood and they weren't nearly as colorful as pony buildings. Most of the buildings also had decorative carvings on them, mostly dragon heads. The final thing that gave it away as 'not a pony town' was the fact that it was inhabited by a bunch of large bird things.

Closer inspection revealed that they were some kind of cat-bird hybrid, likely the result of years and years of unethical interspecies sex. They came in various shades of blacks, grays, browns, whites, and golds for the most part and had various designs on them. I should probably explain what they look like for all you bads out there.

Well, imagine a big cat. Now chop the cat in half and glue a large bird with its butt removed onto the back part of the cat. Now you have an abomination of nature with a bird head and front claws along with wings, and a cat's back legs and tail. I think that description will suffice. With that said we landed in the town on one of many large platforms that are set up. Thankfully the various buildings are connected by wooden platforms and bridges so it won't be overly hard to get around.

As soon as we landed we got some weird looks from the locals. I suppose we are a strange couple, a sex raptor which they assume is a small dragon and a flying rainbow unicorn, but giving us those disgusted looks is just rude. Now then.... Wait, why am I here again? Oh yeah, for no real reason. Oh well, maybe I'll explore the town or something. Of course, I wasn't able to explore the town as I was suddenly confronted by a light pink bird cat with dark pink designs along its face and chest.

"Hey there, you must be new in town. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Pleasant, it rhymes with pheasant! This is Aviaria, the nicest little town this side of the ocean. Might I ask why you're here?" Alright, apparently these bird things come in pink too. Also it's a girl I guess, I don't know how to tell so I'll just assume based on the color and voice and stuff.

"Yo, the names Paul." I then gestured to Steve. "This is Steve."

"What's up?" Said Steve with a nod.

"We're just kinda' traveling around. What is there to do in town?" Hopefully she'll give us something to keep us occupied.

"Well, there's always the local taylor, Mrs. Teagle. I'm sure she'd be happy to replace that old tie of yours."

I looked down at my tie for a moment. Why does everyone dislike the tie? I think it looks pretty fly. Unintentional rhyme. Perhaps this thing is pretty old... Like really really old... Maybe it is high time I replace this old neck worm. "Alright, where is she at?"

"Oh, she'll be at her home in Bird flu boutique." Ok what's up with all these bird names? It's bad enough the ponies used bad horse puns, now the bird cats use even worse bird puns. Really, naming a place after a disease? What's next, butt lick cafe? Get it, because cats lick their butts... They must have gotten desperate, I imagine they ran out of good puns a long time ago.

"Ok. I guess we can go there." I was about to turn and walk away when I realized that I don't know what 'Bird flu boutique ' looks like or even which direction it's in. "Where is it at exactly?"

"Oh, I can show you. Mrs. Teagle is a good friend of mine. Come on, it's this way!" She gestured for us to follow as she walked off down the wooden platform and further into town. Steve and I shared a quick glance before following after her. What could possibly go wrong?

Despite me asking that in my head, nothing went wrong. The trip there was fast and easy with the pink thing guiding us. The building was a two story tall wood thing with a bunch of bird statues on the sides. I guess the name 'bird flu' was fitting because it was covered in birds and I got sick just from looking at it. Anyways, we went inside.

The inside was a bit nicer than the outside. The floor was covered in red carpet and there were a bunch of dresses put up on bird-cat mannequins (Mannequin Skywalker). Over in the corner I saw a dark brown bird cat with a short black mohawk of feathers. This must be Mrs. Teagle. Being the always polite sex raptor that I am, I decided to say hi. "Hello Mrs. Teagle, nice shop you have here."

Instead of returning my polite greetings the bird cat growled at me and stood up on its back... paws. Then it gave me what I assume is the bird cat equivalent of a scowl. I imagine facial expressions are difficult with a beak. "I pity the fool that thinks I'm a lady!" Replied the bird cat in a deep voice. Apparently this isn't Mrs. Teagle...

"Lol, I thought you were a chick!" I said. I couldn't help but snicker at how awkward that was.

I don't think the bird cat appreciated this. "Shut up, I'm a grown gryphon sucka!" K, apparently they're gryphons... Maybe now I can stop referring to them as 'bird cats'.

Then Pleasant diffused the situation before it could get any worse. "That's Mr. Teagle silly, Mrs. Teagle must be in the back."

"K." I said with a shrug. Honestly, I might as well be a honey badger because I just don't give a shit about anything.

Then a white and gray gryphon stepped out of a back room. "Hello Pleasant, what a PLEASANT surprise!" Said Mrs. Teagle with a chuckle. "What brings you here today?"

"Oh I was just showing my new friends around town and they wanted to come to your shop."

With that said Mrs. Teagle turned her attention to me. "Is that so?" She then sized me up before continuing. "He could really use some fashion advice, and I definitely need to do something about that tacky tie!" Goddamn it, why does everyone think my tie is tacky?! Oh well, might as well go with it while I'm here, maybe I'll get a cool new tie.

"K." I just used my default response at this point. I didn't really want to acknowledge that my tie was tacky.

As soon as that letter left my mouth she grabbed me with her bird claws and pulled me into another room. She wasted no time in pushing me into a chair and measuring my neck with a tape measure. The whole time she was muttering various things about fashion, but I was able to tune her out. Then she pulled off my old tie and chucked it into a corner. No! I haven't taken that tie off in decades! I was about to protest but I saw her already stitching together a new tie so I decided to just wait and see how good the new one was.

I sat there for about an hour until she finished and turned towards me. "All finished dear!"

I looked down at the tie that she had in her claws. It was really dark blue, almost black, with diagonal lines running across it that were a dark purple/blue color. It was also shiny, I assume it was made of silk or something. All in all, not too bad though it was just a regular tie, nothing spectacular. She then fit it onto my neck and turned me towards a big mirror on the wall. "So, what do you think?"

"It's pretty nice." She seemed satisfied enough with that answer.

"Alright, that'll be 14 bits." Hmm, apparently they use the same currency as ponies. Then it hit me that I have no moneys. Well shit, this is a sticky situation. Maybe if I tell her the truth she won't be too mad.

"Hehe, I kinda don't have any money." I'm sure she'll forgive me, maybe she'll even be generous enough to let me have it for free.

"No.... Money?!" I'm sure that barely contained rage in her voice is really just excitement that she gets to do something generous for someone else.

"Yes."

Her eye twitched for a second as she just stared at me. Any second now she was going to announce that that was ok and that I can repay her back some other way or something. Well... That's what I thought anyways. She instead grabbed a pair of scissors off a nearby table and tried stabbing them into my chest while shouting, "You have no money, then die!"

I quickly dodged out of the way of her mad scissor swinging and ran out of the room only to run into two other gryphons who looked confused. Then Mrs. Teagle ran into the room after me. "He has no money!" The confusion in the gryphon's eyes quickly turned into anger. Mr. Teagle reached over and grabbed a large one headed axe that was leaning against a wall while Pleasant bared her talons at me.

Well shit, it looks like these gryphons aren't messing around. In retrospect, I probably should have said that I didn't have money in the first place. They were still being really big dicks though. Oh well, it's too late to worry about that. Then Mrs. Teagle tried to stab me in the back with her scissors. Doesn't she know that that's no way to treat a guest? I mean really, that's just plain rude! Oh well, maybe I can teach them some manners later. I simply jumped around in the air and delivered a round house kick to her head that would make Chuck Norris proud.

The kick was enough to knock her back across the room and into the counter where she slumped over. Now I just had to deal with the others. I turned to see a very angry Mr. Teagle running at me with his axe. He quickly swung it at me intending to take off my head in one fell swoop, but I was able to easily duck under it. The missed attack knocked him off balance as he swung around from the weight of the huge weapon. Now was my chance.

I stood back up and stepped towards him while punching randomly as fast as I could. "Whaaa Atatatatattatatatata!!" He didn't stand a chance. After about three seconds his body collapsed to the floor presumably dead. I then turned towards the pink Gryphon who was staring at me in horror. She was the only other witness, once I dealt with her I could just walk out of the town no problem. Then she turned and ran out the door.

"Shit...."

Steve nodded his head in agreement. "Shit..."

Even from inside the building we could hear her screaming to the guards for help. Well, today sucks... Then again, what is life if not one disappointment after another?

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Well that one was kinda' weird to type. I had to make everything about gryphons up off the top of my head, and quite frankly the top of my head is covered in hair. Oh well, I hope you enjoyed. Now that I'm back from 'vacation' I can actually update again!!!!

PS: I hate sonic