Author's note: Just wait, this story is bound to get interesting eventually...
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So I woke up... Damn it on a sandwich, I need to stop starting every chapter like that! That's like three in a row! Meh, whatever. I'm sure no one will notice.

Now then, where the fuck am I? Gray stone walls? Check. Bars along one wall to assure that I can't escape? Check. Looks like a prison cell. Of course this is likely one of the shittiest prison cells I've ever been in.

First off, there's no furniture... What kind of dick just puts you in a cold stone room without even giving you a bed or toilet or something? Of course that's not the part that makes this prison suck. No, the prison sucks because I'm sure I can break out of here really easily. The walls are made out of stone bricks... Really? I can punch through harder stuff with my nut sack! Believe me, I've done it. At least they didn't do something stupid like put a window in, I could just rearrange my bones until I managed to squeeze out of it. Then again, I don't see the problem with that, perhaps I should just leave now. I should probably mention that the bars that make up the one wall and door are thin but stacked really close together so I can't stick my arms out.

I look around a bit more and see that two guards are stationed outside the door of my cell. They are wearing the same golden armor as the ponies from earlier. Perhaps they weren't police at all, but instead guards or soldiers or something. I guess if I try to leave they will probably attack me... Then again, I don't think I'll have any problem subduing two guards in a fight. THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE WEAPONS! What do they plan on doing if we get in a fight? Are they going to kick me or something?

Ok, so now how did I get here? Oh yes, the guards attacked me. Twilight was also there... I thought we were friends... I guess not. Then those horrible tiny ponies murdered my ear holes... Oh shit my ear holes! I reach up with my claws and feel my head. Thankfully my ear holes seem to have healed. That would really suck if they were melted for ever... In all honestly I'm surprised I'm even alive right now. My brain was soooo full of fuck back there, you don't even know.

Ok, so I'm probably in some jail cell in Ponyville or something. So all I have to do is bust the fuck out of here and run into the Everfree forest. That should be easy enough...

I walk up to the wall opposite the door and pull my arm back before punching it as hard as I can. Unfortunately, instead of piercing strait through the wall my fist just hits it and stops. I stand there for a few seconds while my eye starts to twitch from the intense pain in my possibly broken talons. "FfffffuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!" I yell out, slowly getting louder. At least i didn't try breaking it with my nut sack... That would really hurt...

"Shut the buck up!" Yelled one of the guards while I writhed in pain. I just turned to him and channeled all my anger into the back of his head with my eyes. That's it, he's dead as soon as I get my hands on him.

"Why don't you make me." I say as I walk up next to the bars. If he comes in here I'm going to rip his fucking legs off!

The guard turned and glared at me. "Just shut your mouth until the princess gets here!"

"The princess you say? Now why would she want to see little old me?"

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

I look back and forth for a few seconds before putting a claw next to the side of my mouth and motioning for him to come closer with my other claw as though I'm about to tell him a secret. All he does is look at me in confusion so I start to go "Psttt" and motion with my head towards the guard standing on the other side of the door minding his own business. Finally he moves in close enough for me to tell him my 'secret'. As soon as he gets close enough I start to whisper to him. "You're a little bitch, I thought I'd let you know." I then spit in his face through the bars before he can recoil.

"AWWW WHAT THE BUCK! I'M GONNA' COME IN THERE AND BUCK YOUR HEAD IN!" Lawl he so mad. It looked like he was about to open the door when the other guard stops him and talks some sense into him. Awww, I was gonna' enjoy pulling his arms off. Oh well...

Well, it looks like they have some super special wall that I can't just punch through. I could try using some economic energon, but perhaps I shouldn't let them know I have that ability just yet. Instead I opt to pull a small gray box with a single red button from my chest cavity. Thankfully, they were too stupid to check to see if I have anything hidden inside my chest... I flip a small plate of glass off of the button and push it in before returning the device into my chest. There, now I just need to wait here. Thankfully I have that tracking device in my skull...

I then sit down on the floor while I wait for whatever is going to happen. Apparently the princess is going to come see me. I must be in some real deep shit if she's coming all the way here for me. Then again, Twilight was her slave or something and she seemed pretty pissed off at me. I'm really not sure what I did to piss her off so much. Maybe I tracked mud on her floor again or something, I don't really know.

After about ten minutes I heard some commotion from outside my cell and I looked up to see the guards bowing to someone, presumably the princess. Well here I go, I'll just use my charm to get out of here in no time. By the time I'm done with the princess, she'll probably give me a metal.

The door then unlocks and in walks a big white pony with a horn and wings accompanied by a pair of guards. Well this pony is certainly taller than the other ones... Maybe their social status in this society is based on their height. This is definitely the tallest pony I've seen so far.

"Yo." I say as they walk in causing the guards to give me angry looks. The princess really doesn't look too happy with me either.

She clears her throat before beginning. "Hello Paul. I'm here to ask a few questions."

You don't say? I thought she was here to tell me about her day... "I feel honored that you would come all the way here just to talk to me. I truly do."

"You're in the castle in Canterlot. I didn't have to come very far." She says dryly.

"Awww, well that explains a few things." Alright, previous escape plan of 'run out and go into the forest' might not work anymore. "Go ahead and ask away."

She glared at me before getting to her first question. "We have reason to believe that you burnt down the office building in Ponyville. Did you do it?"

Dang, they found me out. I guess I'm not really one to lie, might as well tell the truth. "Yes."

"We have ways of making you talk!" Celestia yells before she realizes that I said 'yes'. "Wait... So you did?"

"Mmmmmmmhmmmm. Any other questions or can I go?" Well this seems to be going smoothly, at this rate I'll be out here in no time.

She stares at me for a second before asking her next question. "Did you murder all those ponies in Ponyville?!"

Huh, murders? Oh, I think I heard something about that. "Oh that, no that wasn't me."

"Admit to it! I know you murdered those ponies you monster!" It looked like she was about to stab me with her horn or something she was so mad.

"Woah woah woah!" I put my claws up in front of me to try to calm her down. "Hold your lemons, that wasn't me. I'm pretty sure that was some demon shell monster."

"WHAT!? You expect me to believe such a blatant and ill conceived lie?!"

"Yeah." I shrugged.

She looked like her head was about to explode from her anger. Maybe I should try to calm her down before she shoots magic out of her horn at me or something. Of course then she started to ask her next question before I could say anything else. "Zecora has recently gone missing and all evidence points to you, what do you have to say about that?!"

"Hmm, that name doesn't ring any bells so I'm afraid that I don't think I committed that one."

"DON'T LIE TO ME! DID YOU KILL THE ZEBRA!?!?!"

"Ohhhhh. Zecora is a zebra? Why didn't you say so? Yeah, I killed a zebra." I said nonchalantly. Her mouth hung open and her eye started to twitch as she stared at me in disbelief that I had just admitted to murder like it was no big deal. "I don't see what the problem is, she's not even a pony. It was to my understanding that you're the leader of the ponies, not the zebras."

After a few moments she recovered from her initial shock and glared at me like she's thinking of ending my life right there. She probably is. Well shit, maybe I won't get out of here so fast after all. After a few deep breaths she continued with her questions. "Next, there are reports saying that you led a manticore into Ponyville at night causing a lot of property damage." Ok that wasn't really so much of a question as much as a statement. I just stared at her until she asked an actual question. "Did you do it?!"

There we go. "Yeah, but in my defense we were both high as shit on catnip at the time."

"Catnip is illegal!"

"What! That's bullshit! What kind of tyrant denies their subjects catnip?!?!" The guards and the princess all looked angered by my outburst. I swear, she was about to shoot a magic laser at me any second.

"I'm going to ignore that for now only because it will make it all the more satisfying when I kill you!"

"Woah, calm down now. We're all friends here."

"NO WE'RE NOT! YOU'RE A MURDERER AND A TROUBLE MAKER!" She took a few deep breaths before continuing. "Next question. Did you paint a penis on the side of Applejack's barn?"

Lol that's an easy question. "Yeeup! You know, I didn't even realize I had such an impressive track record until you brought all of this stuff up. I'm sure we'll laugh about it all in the future." I'll admit, my attempts to calm her down have been poorly contrived at best. I'm pretty sure I'm just pissing her off with my answers.

"Next, did you assault Rarity?!"

"Huh. No, I didn't do that one."

"Alright and last. WHY. DID. YOU. ATTACK. TWILIGHT!?!?!?" At this it looked like she released all her rage that she had been trying to control during the interrogation. Her mane seemed to turn into flames that licked against the roof of the cell leaving scorch marks and her horn started giving off copious amounts of light. Ok, wait what? I don't think I attacked Twilight.

"I don't think I did that one..."

"LIES!" She yelled at me while firing a bright white laser from her horn. I quickly jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding the projectile that would have hit me right in the chest. I looked back at the wall and saw that the laser had imbedded itself at least an inch into the stone. Well shit.

I turned back to her before continuing. "Like I said, I don't think I did that. Can you perhaps give me some more information before you try to shoot another laser into my chest?"

She looked at me with the same rage in her eyes. "ARE YOU CALLING MY MOST FAITHFUL STUDENT A LIER!?!?! SHE SAID HERSELF THAT YOU ATTACKED HER IN THE WOODS! SHE ONLY MANAGED TO ESCAPE BECAUSE SHE WAS ABLE TO KNOCK YOU OUT WITH HER MAGIC!!!"

Well that doesn't make any sense... I never did that. Wait a second...... Knock me out with her magic? So that's how I knocked out and woke up underground! She must have tried to kill me! Oh that stupid bitch, as soon as I get outa here Ima throw her off a bridge! "I didn't do that! I was just walking through the forest minding my own business and she hit me in the head and then buried me!"

"LIES!" She yelled again before shooting a bunch of fire from her horn with enough force to knock me back against the far wall. At least I can take a lot of heat, so it didn't really hurt all that bad. "I've deemed you guilty of arson, treason, drug abuse, vandalism, murder, and multiple counts of attempted murder! You'll rot in the gallows!" She yelled as she walked out the door followed by her two guards.

Well that didn't go so bad...

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So this chapter we get to reflect on all the illegal shit that Paul has done. He's really come a long way...

Lol they gone hang the shit out of him!

Wooooo don your party hats cuz we just hit 20 chapters (and 60k words)! It's dance tyme!