Author's note: Daaaaamn girl, two chapters in one day? I spoil you guys, you know that right? I'm kidding...
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I sat there for a while... Then I sat there some more. What else am I supposed to do? Maybe I can punch through the wall of the prison cell, but that would just be messy. Besides, I have something fun planned. Hopefully it all works out or I'm going to look like an idiot. Not that that matters, I'll be too busy being dead to care at that point.

Now then, apparently the ponies are planning on hanging me. I mean, really? It's not like I did anything that bad... Sure I might have brought a demon lord trapped inside a conch shell into town and murdered a zebra, but can you really blame me? I mean, I'm not the bad guy here. In fact, I'm the protagonist... As weird as that sounds...

Stupid ponies are the bad guys here. They could just let me out and I'll leave the planet via spaceship. Sure I might blow something up along the way, but who cares? This is all Twilight's fault... The police would have never found out about all my crimes if she didn't go and tattle on me. I wonder how long she's been planning on killing me. I mean, she must have followed me for at least two days since she found out that my weaknesses is those tiny annoying ponies.

Now that's a creepy thought. Twilight sitting in the bushes watching my every move... It's amazing that I didn't see her, she's fucking purple! In case you have a brain defect and can't understand my logic, I'll explain it to you. Purple isn't camouflage at all... I wonder if she found my special clearing. That might be bad if she gets Steve. Naw, I don't think that happened. Then again I really have no way of knowing.

All right so the ponies are going to try to hang me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, I have a pretty strong neck all things considered, and I have scales. Scales are pretty durable so I imagine they'll help with.... I don't know... Anyways. I have a strong neck. I'm sure I'll be fine. It's not like they are going to hang me anyways. I'd sooner drown then let them hang me!

Unfortunately my musing was interrupted as a group of guards came to the door of my cell. "Get up, it's time to go!" Demanded one of them as he put a key into the lock. "And don't try any funny business, we won't hesitate to use magic on you!"

Foolish mortal ponies, they think I afraids of magic... I doesn't afraid of anything! The only thing stopping me from pulling all their legs off is the fact that I have something planned. I mean, they're sending me to my death. They couldn't possibly punish me more than they're already planning to. Unless they resort to torture...

Oh god, Twilight would probably volunteer to do it herself. I got up and walked to the door of the cell and the guards put hand cuffs onto my claws. I'm pretty sure they were made for ponies because they fit kinda' weird. I could probably slip my hands out of them if I wanted to, but I'll act like they're tight for now. Stupid ponies didn't even check...

I was led through several hallways until eventually I could tell that we left the dungeon. We exited from some gray stone building that went out into a huge garden. The garden surrounded a huge white and gold castle. I wasn't being led there though... No, they led me through the gardens a little ways until we got to a big open area with a bunch of stands. In the stands were several hundred ponies that had apparently gathered to watch my death. I almost feel honored that so many ponies care. Honestly they probably just have some kind of sick blood lust that they plan on feeding by watching an innocent (me) get killed. I mean, sure I committed some crimes, but they're just over reacting with this.

As we got closer I saw that they were leading me to a wooden stage thing with a device that was clearly used for hanging ponies. They even had an executioner pony with a cute little black mask on. Oh god, why is that so adorable? Also, why does he even need a mask? I can clearly see the pony's coat and tail color, covering his facial features is useless. There is probably only a few other ponies in the entire country with the same color scheme as him, not to mention his butt tattoo is showing.

The next thing I noticed was Celestia with two other tall ponies with wings and horns standing next to her. One was blue while the other was pink. Clearly these were the second and third tallest ponies here so they must be important. Than Twilight and her friends were standing next to her. Most of them were giving me angry glares while Twilight had a huge smirk on her face. She thinks me defeated so easily? Lolno! She's gonna' be so surprised, they all are! Except maybe Rarity... She's sitting in a wheel chair with her head slumped awkwardly to the side. Celestia did mention something about her getting attacked... It would appear she suffered some sort of brain damage. I wonder if she can even count to potato anymore...

Once I was situated up on the stand the executioner pony turned to me. "You have a tip for me so I can make this painless for you? Or would you rather do it slowly?" What a dick. I always hated the whole 'tip the executioner' thing. They're just a bunch of sleezy money whores.

"Here's a tip. Wear something more than a mask if you want to conceal your identity. Yeah, I'm sure you feel really stupid for not thinking of that earlier. By the way, spoiler alert: I'm sure everyone in town already knows who you are since you all have different coloring and tattoos. Honestly, you should pay me for giving you that idea." Got 'em.

He just glared at me before responding. "Slow and painful it is." What the hell is he gonna' do, use a magic rope that breaks my neck slowly? Like that will ever happ-Oh shit. This is a land full of magic talking ponies, I'm sure that's exactly what's gonna' happen. Well fuck my life...

At this point Celestia stood up and walked over to a mic on a small podium in front of me. She tapped it with a hoof and cleared her throat. "Is this thing on? Ok, hey everypony. Thanks a lot for coming today! It looks like we got a great turn out for today's execution. As you all know, we haven't had an execution like this in over a hundred years so this is pretty special."

Wait, if they haven't had executions than what does the executioner do for a job normally? I look over and see that his butt tattoo, I could probably call it a tramp stamp too, is a pony making a lightbulb. Well that's just fantastic... My executioner is a lightbulb maker... Let me guess, his name is Tungsten. "...Heinous crime to go unpunished. So without further adieu, it's killin' time!" I'm sure Celestia's speech was pretty cool and all, but I zoned out for half of it.

It's at this point that I realize that my help hasn't arrived yet. Well fuck... I'm just here... Alone... Surrounded by hundreds of angry magic ponies that no doubt want to eat my skin. In fact, I imagine that the first thing they are going to do once they kill me is go into a feeding frenzy as they rend the skin from my bones. Then again, I don't have skin on my bones. My bones are covered in muscle and other tissues and the skin is on top of that. But I digress. I wonder if I can possibly escape on my own at this point. I feel the cuffs on my hands a bit and I'm confident that I can at least escape from those if necessary. I can probably just pull the chain in half if I need to.

Then Celestia motions towards me with a hoof and the crowd cheers. They seem pretty excited about my death, I'm almost sorry that I intend to disappoint them. "Any last words monster?!" Yells Celestia as she steps down from the podium and returns to where the other two tall ponies are at.

Aha! Foolish fool, they gave me exactly what I need. A chance to stall. Alright, now what to say? Oh no time to think of that, I'll just go with the first thing that comes to mind. I step up to the microphone before beginning. "Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. Mankind- that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution- but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!"

I finished and looked around the crowd to find that almost all of the ponies were extremely confused about what I was talking about. At least Pinkie Pie was giggling to herself. Hell, that speech didn't even apply here at all... Oh well I stalled for like two minutes. Pretty good, right?

Once I was done with that dumb speech the executioner grabbed me with one hoof and led me to the gallows and started to fit a noose for me. Well this sucks... It looks like my help isn't coming after all...

Then I started to hear some faint noise in the distance... It was extremely quiet at first, but eventually I was able to make out what it was. I let a huge grin ingulf my face as I knew what was coming. It didn't take long for the ponies to hear it too and they started to swivel their ears around to listen for where the strange song was coming from.

As it got louder I decided to take advantage of the ponies' confusion. I simply pulled my arms apart suddenly causing the thin metal chains on my wrist to snap apart. Then I looked to my right to see none other than the guard who was stationed in front of my prison cell earlier. The one who told me to 'shut my mouth'. As I turned towards him he stopped focusing on the weird noise and turned to me. His jaw dropped when he saw my snapped hand cuffs.

"They're gonna' call you Bob once I'm done with you!" At that point I stepped forward, picked the flailing guard up, and ripped his arms off just like I said I would. As I dropped the bleeding pony torso onto the ground I was surrounded by well over three dozen angry guards who looked ready to attack me at any moment. I bared my fangs and held my claws up menacingly to try to intimidate them. It seemed to work as they haven't tried smashing my head in yet. Then I saw Steve through the corner of my eye, he was getting close fast! Of course, he wasn't a fish anymore. I made him a new body!

Now he was a shining silver metal unicorn that was only slightly larger than the average unicorn and had a flowing rainbow mane and tail and glowing light blue eyes. As he got close the song coming from the speakers on him got progressively louder. The guards seemed uneasy about the approaching unicorn but were too busy focusing on me to do anything. Once Steve was close enough he jumped straight over the bleachers of ponies leaving a rainbow trail in his wake as he landed next to me on one of the guards with a horrible cracking sound.

"Steve!" I yelled. I was pretty happy to finally see my friend alive again.

Steve just nodded at me before replying in a robotic voice. "Get on!"

I happily obliged by climbing onto his back. Sure he was kinda' small for a mount, but he was also a robot. I turned and looked at Celestia who had her wings flared, ready for battle and we made eye contact for a second. "See you later shit lords!" I yelled before we suddenly blasted high into the air moving faster than any pegasus (except maybe rainbow dash) with a rainbow trailing behind us. "Wooooooo!" I cheered as we soared above the clouds at an extremely fast speed. This was possibly the greatest moment of my life. The sky seemed to sparkle and I'm pretty sure I even saw some dolphins flying with us. They squealed in delight as we flew off into the sunset and out of the vision of the crowd of ponies.

Meanwhile, back at Canterlot. Celestia just stared at the rainbow trail that was now stretching into the distance. She wore a look of shock similar to all the other ponies that was soon replaced by one of pure rage. He'd escaped somehow! Celestia was still questioning the details as none of what just happened made any sense. What did make sense was that Paul got away and he needs to be punished for his crimes against ponymanity.

She turned to captain Shining Armor who was quickly recovering from the confusion. "Shining Armor!" Clestia yelled getting his attention immediately. "RELEASE THE OMEGA SPIDER!"

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Awwwwwwwwwwwww shit son. This is where things start getting weird... More weird... In a good way I hope.

Lol, the speech from independence day was the first thing I could think of so I just used that. It's an epic speech. Unfortunately it's only July 3 instead of July 4 D:

Is it bad that I know every word to the song (Always- Erasure)?