I awake on my mattress as the morning sunlight hits my face. Well, it's not really morning sunlight... Looking over at the clock on the wall it's already well past noon. It's ok, I had nothing better to do today than sleep in. I stand up off of my make shift bed and stretch as I manage to pop my back an abnormal amount of times. I'm fairly sure I popped more vertebrae than I even have. Oh well, that's of little importance.

The next thing I notice, after the time, is that my head doesn't hurt like fuck any more. Thank Ethesto that I heal extremely fast due to the whole 'sex raptor with epic economy powers' thing. It's pretty cool.

I take a deep whiff of the fresh air and smile contently. Todays gonna' be a great day, I can just feel it. I walk over to the window and take a look around. Sure enough, everything is beautiful. The sun is high in the sky shining bright as ever, the birds are chirping happily in their nests, and there's even a ton of armored ponies in the streets. Their golden armor looks pretty nice as it reflects the sunlight. I wonder if that's real gold, if it is I'll have to... Acquire some... Somehow...

I grin as I walk to the door to the library, nothing could possibly ruin such a beautiful day. I open the door with a huge smile on my face and skip outside. Oh look, the armored ponies are coming over to say hi.

Within seconds a group of at least twenty of the armored ponies made a half circle around me with my back facing towards the library. They look determined for some reason and I can only imagine that they are here to congratulate me on healing so soon or try to become my friends. "Hello." I say as I wave one claw at them.

The ponies all seem to tense up as soon as I speak and one pony walks forward from the crowd. I'm going to guess that this one is a boy because it, or he, is bigger than most ponies I've seen. From what I've learned so far, usually the boy ponies have a stockier build. "Halt, you've violated the law! Come with us peacefully or we'll have to take you by force."

Hmmm, that's a weird way to try to make friends. Perhaps these guys are just socially awkward or something. I guess I'll play along, I just feel really good today for some reason. "Heh, I guess I'll come with you guys. Where do you live?"

The armored ponies all share glances with each other before the one from before talked again. "Canterlot. You're under arrest!"

Woah wait a second here... My mind is just now starting to catch up with what's going on. They're not here to be my friends at all, they're here to be dicks and try to put me in jail! Will I'm not going to jail... Not again... Then again, jail isn't that bad. So long as you control the soap, you control the world. Alright, I should have guessed earlier that they are wearing armor because they are some kind of police force. Then I get this really funny mental image of a bunch of little colorful ponies trying to fight me... I can't help it, I start to giggle to myself.

"What's so funny?!" Yells the police guy, who I assume is their leader based on his fancy purple armor and the fact that he's the one talking.

Oh, if only they knew how silly they were for trying to fight someone as skilled as me. And no, I'm not egotistical because it's true. I'm the best. "What sick man sends babies to fight me?"

The guards all growled when I called them babies which only made me giggle harder. "Surrender and come with us now or we'll use force to bring you in!"

"There's this old saying, I believe it was Optimus Prime who said it. It goes a little something like this." I cleared my throat before continuing. "You'll never take me alive coppers!"

It looked like the ponies were about to charge at me when Twilight steps up next to the police pony captain. "Paul, you better go now, or else!"

She looked really mad for some reason, but I was more focused on the horrible stabbing sensation in my heart. I thought she was my friend. How could she do this to me?! "Et tu Twilight?"

I don't think she got the reference, but she seemed to understand the gist of what I meant. "You'll pay for your crimes Paul!" She yells before getting a smug look on her face. She's soon backed up by a very angry looking Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and... Umm... Flutty something... The yellow one. Rarity was also there, but she was sitting in a wheel chair and looked like she was too busy staring off into space and drooling on herself to be mad at me.

Stupid ponies... I thought they were my friends. I guess these ponies don't know anything about being good friends because trying to get someone arrested is something a bad friend does. "Everybody betrayed me! I fed up with this world!" I yell as I raise my claws in a defensive position. Perhaps it would be best if I didn't murder all the police ponies. I don't think anyone will be very happy with me if I do that. I guess I'll just have to settle with beating the hell out of them and potentially maiming them.

A few seconds after my outburst all of the guards start to charge at me. Thankfully ponies don't have hands to use weapons and they were all unarmed, then this fight might actually be hard.

Before the ponies could clear the ten or so feet between them and me, I jumped to my left and brought my heel down on one of the pony's heads. The hit make a loud clang as the pony collapsed from the impact. There was a small dent in the helmet, but I'm sure he'll be fine... Aside from some possible brain damage. Oh well, that's his problem now.

Within a second of my last attack I move to the next closest police pony and grab him with my claws lifting him up over my head. I spin a few times while kicking out at another nearby pony who was trying to tackle me, hitting him right in the jaw. Once I've spun a few times, I caber toss the pony at another nearby armored pony causing them both to collapse in a heap. I then duck down as a unicorn shoots a dark blue burst of magic right over my head. I then see a pegasus flying down at me at an angle. Nope.

"SHORYUKEN!" I yell as I push off the ground and upper cut the pegasus high up into the air. He flies at least ten feet above me before arcing down into a nearby building. As I land I get low and kick out with my right leg, tripping a unicorn that was trying to run at me. As he falls forward I grab one of his front legs and swing him around and slap another nearby guard with his body. I then use his body like a makeshift flail as I beat several other guards with it. He's not going to be feeling well after this...

Once I'm done with my pony weapon I toss him at another pony that's running at me. At this point ten of the police ponies are on the ground, either unconscious or groaning. I look around to see that the rest of the ponies have backed up next to Twilight and the others. "Haha, fuck da pooolice!" I cry as I wave my arms around in a impromptu victory dance.

"It's over Paul, we know your weakness!" Yelled Twilight. Foolish Twilight, what weaknesses could I possibly have? Aside from the obvious ones... Such as bullets... As I ponder this she levitates over a giant metal cage. It looks kind of like a big cat carrier, easily the size of most of the homes in Ponyville, just it's clearly made to keep something more dangerous than a house cat. Then again, if it is a giant cat I can still call it a 'house cat' because it'll be nearly the size of a house. The bars that compose the door are several inches thick and are stacked close together to assure that nothing escapes. Unfortunately, not enough light is shining inside for me to see what it's holding.

"Jokes on you, I love cats." I say nonchalantly as I wait for them to open the cage. Twilight just smirks to herself. Hey! She stole that from me! I'm the only one who's aloud to smirk!

The ponies all put ear plugs in before opening the cage. I stand there for a moment looking into the dark entrance to the cage as nothing comes out. I'm not gonna' lie, it's pretty eerie waiting for some giant monster to jump out at me. Then the three most horrifying creatures I've ever seen walk out from the shadows. Horrifyingly cute, that is. It's the three little ponies that I met the other day. What were their names? Apple something, Sweaty butt, and Chicken loo? I'm not going to lie to you, ponies have some weird ass names.

I stare at the group of small adorable creatures wondering what they were possibly going to do. Perhaps they were going to snuggle me to death. I wouldn't be surprised if that worked... Then time seemed to slow down as I remembered exactly what happened last time I met these three and Twilight turns towards them with the biggest smirk I've ever seen. I know what's about to happen, but for some reason my legs refuse to respond to my need to escape immediately. I can only watch helplessly as Twilight slowly talks to the tiny ponies.

For some reason her voice is all deep because it's in slow motion... "Paul just finished telling us a really cool story about how he got his cutie mark. You should go ask him about it, maybe he can even help you get your cutie marks!" No Twilight... What have you done? Do you not comprehend the horror that these tiny ponies wield? Once she's done talking she quickly looks back at me with an evil look on her face. I think she understands...

Then the three tiny ponies slowly turn their heads towards me in unison with big smiles on their faces. I feel a shiver run down my spine and cold sweat start to drip from my forehead as they regard me with their piercingly adorable eyes. Apparently they think I can help them get something called a 'cutie mark' which can only mean that they are going to swarm me with questions in a few seconds. I don't even know what a cutie mark is, but it sounds expensive.

They continue to stare for another second and I feel as though my soul is being molested under their gazes. Then they suddenly all run forward towards me. I will my body to move so I may escape my fate, but to no success. Once the tiny ponies get close they jump around and start yelling out random questions.

"Where's your cutie mark at?!"

"Is it the same color as your scales?!"

"I didn't know dragons got cutie marks, are you special or something?!"

"How'd you get yo-"

At that point I stopped being able to even identify what they were saying as the skin inside of my ear holes melted and poured out the sides of my head like hot wax along with a stream of blood. It started spraying out like a fountain in both directions but the three tiny ponies seemed oblivious to my pain and just kept yelling out questions. Even though I couldn't hear them, it was as though a group of angry baboons was literally fucking my brain as the sound waves traveled directly into my head unhindered by my former ear holes. I tried to scream out in pain but I'm pretty sure I just let out some gurgling noises as blood started spraying out on my throat. Thankfully my skull quickly filled with blood and I fell forward. My vision started to get cloudy, as I began losing consciousness.

With any luck I'll die or something so I never have to face those monster 'ponies' ever again...

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Yeah yeah, no chapters for several days. Would you believe me if I told you I'm lazy? Of course you would, because it's the truth. Anyways, I'm pretty sure I had another joke that I was gonna' put in but now I can't remember it. I'm way too tired to even think right now... For some reason I generally only type when I'm lacking sleep for some reason, don't ask me why.

On a side note, does anyone even read the authors notes? Because if not I'm still typing them anyways... Come-come-come-come-come at me!

I felt like my titles lately have been too descriptive of the actual chapter, so I went back to my old style of titling chapters.