Authors Note: Hi, I'm Author. But enough about me, let's talk about the story that I know you all just love so much. First off I changed most of the character's personalities to some degree, that's obvious, but I thought I'd let you know that I did it on purpose. It makes this a lot more interesting to type, and it can't be too bad to read something a little different every once in a while so no need to let it rustle your jimmies. This chapter will mostly be talking, no epic space battles this time...
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The next half hour consisted mostly of Pinkie Pie excitedly asking Paul all kinds of questions while the other five of them just listened and walked home. The forest was much less scary when the sun was out so they were able to untie Fluttershy. All in all, things were going alright. Paul even entertained them with all kinds of stories of weird creatures he'd fought and places he had been to. Pinkie thought they were amazing but Twilight found them extremely annoying.

Really? Lobster men… How stupid does he think we are? Thought Twilight. Then she got a good idea, maybe she could get him to spill the beans about where he was really from if she asked the right questions. I mean, he was probably just from somewhere outside Equestria where they hadn’t been to before where there were more of these ‘sex raptors’.

"So, Paul. Where did you say you were from?" Asked Twilight interrupting Paul from some story about how he punched a sperm whale to death this one time.

"Well I was born on the sun, just that was like 15 million years ago. I used to be a tungsten farmer while I lived there but I’ve lived in a lot of places since then.” Said Paul like it was common knowledge.

Twilight grit her teeth at that answer, how could anything live on the sun? It was like a big ball of fire. And how could you farm tungsten? “I thought you said you were from really far away in space, the sun is only a few miles away.”

Paul thought what she said was hilarious for some reason and started laughing. Twilight just continued to grit her teeth at how frustrating this conversation was becoming. Finally he wiped a tear from his eye with a claw and spoke again. “The sun is only a few miles away?”

“Yeah, of course,” Twilight wasn’t sure where this question was going. “Princess Celestia raises it every day and it orbits around Ponyland, everypony knows that."

After hearing this Paul went into another fit of laughter which Pinkie joined in on, before long they were both rolling on the ground laughing hysterically for some reason. The others just stopped and stared at them like they were crazy. After at least a minute of rofling Paul finally composed himself enough to speak. “Oh… hehe… I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time…”

Twilights face grew red, why were they laughing at her? Did they think she was joking? “I’m serious!”

“Yeah, that’s what’s so funny.“ Said Paul trying not to have another laughing fit. After a few deep breaths he was finally able to speak without giggling. “No, I grew up on a different sun, billions of miles away. Also the closest star, or the sun you are referring to is about 92 million miles away."

“What? No it’s not, you know how ridiculous that sounds? If it was that far away how would we be able to see it?” Twilight was getting kind of nervous about these questions, talking like this about Celestia’s sun was treason.

“You can see it because it's freaking huge! Most of the stars you see are like billions of miles away but you can see them, those are just more suns. And Celestia doesn’t 'raise the sun', that’s just stupid, the planet rotates around the sun!”

“WHAT! What you’re saying is blasphemy, Celestia said herself that she raises the sun everyday.” Said Twilight defending her mentor.

“Lol, looks like she flat out lied to you. Next you’re gonna’ tell me she controls the moon too…” Said Paul with his signature sex raptor grin.

By Celestia's beard Twilight hated that raptor's stupid grin. She was pretty close to losing it at that point. This raptor was making her really mad and she didn’t like it. How could he possibly say Celestia was lying to them, what could she possibly gain from that? No, he was just ignorant she decided. “No, Princess Luna, her sister, controls the moon. And what could she possibly gain from lying to us?”

"First off, as a tyrant she clearly says she has all that power to defend herself from being attack. No one will attack her if they think she controls the sun. And now there are two princesses? Are there any other princesses you want to tell me about?" Asked Paul.

Twilight didn't like him calling the princess a tyrant, but she decided maybe it was different in his culture or something so she could ignore it for now. "Yeah, ever since the nightmare moon thing princess Luna has been ruling alongside princess Celestia. Also there's Cadence, who married my brother, but she doesn't really participate in the government."

"Cadence sounds pretty useless and I don't care enough about this 'nightmare moon' thing to ask so instead I'm going to explain to you how the moon works. You see, the moon is smaller than 'Ponyland' so it orbits around the planet much like how this planet orbits around the sun. The princesses don't control that, it happens on its own." Paul knew this topic would piss Twilight off so he decided to bring it up again.

Now Twilight knew he was crazy, why the pony hell would the moon just randomly circle their planet on its own? “Pshh whatever you say, you’re even crazier than Lyra with her ‘humans are real’ nonsense. I’m not sure if your really ignorant, really dumb, or both!” Said Twilight a little angrier than she had intended to.

Her friends seemed slightly shocked by her outburst, but Paul just snickered with his big dumb grin. Oh how she hated his grin, why did he think this was so funny? Then he asked it. “U mad filly?”

Twilight could have sworn she switched into red vision at that point. First he insults her, then he insults all her friends, then he calls the princess a lier? She was so mad she was going to stop at nothing to hurt Paul. She had never been this mad before. She screamed angrily and her mane turned into pure flames as she charged at him. Paul just jumped out of the way and started laughing again.

After missing she stopped for a few seconds breathing deeply and she finally calmed down. Why was she getting so angry just from talking to him? It’s like he had a natural talent to piss ponies off. After sitting there for a few seconds she was able to relax enough to think clearly again. She turned to her friends who all just stared at her wondering what to do while Paul leaned against a tree snickering to himself.

Just seeing him there with his big stupid smile laughing to himself like this was all just one big joke finally pushed her over the edge. She swore at that point, she would kill him. She has never felt the need to murder something that much before in her life, but now he was going on her hit list. No one insults everything she loves like that! Of course, this wasn't the time for that, for now she just needed to calm down. She decided she would just not talk to Paul anymore for now so he couldn't piss her off.

Twilight cleared her throat awkwardly as her friends continued to stare. “Lets get going, we’re almost back to Ponyville.” Said Twilight refusing to make eye contact with anyone. It was so embarrassing having acted like that in front of her friends. One more reason to kill Paul.

Unfortunately, she didn't know the first thing about killing. Maybe she could find someone to help her. Or better yet, maybe she could read some books about it... Yes, this would work out perfectly. For the first time that whole trip Twilight smiled, happy about the idea of ending her new enemy's life.

In the meantime they continued walking back towards Ponyville. Paul and Pinkie Pie were now a little ways behind the rest of the group talking about Celestia knows what. The other five ponies were thankful about this. Paul really hadn't made a good first impression and they wanted him as far away as possible.

"So I slit his neck and drank ALL his vital goo, it was hilarious!" Said Paul as him and Pinkie Pie shared another round of laughter. Pinkie really liked Paul for some reason, even though he was extremely rude to all her friends he was really funny. Besides, she felt like she could relate to him.

"Hey, can I tell you a secret?" Asked Pinkie making sure that the rest of the group was far enough away to where they wouldn't hear anything they said.

"Ummm I suppose you can." Said Paul somewhat confused.

"Ok, but you have to promise not to tell ANYPONY about this! All my friends might not want to be friends with me any more if they find out." Said Pinkie more seriously.

"Ummm, Alright, I promise not to tell anypony about this..." Said Paul still slightly confused.

"Do you Pinkie promise?!"

"No, I already promised once. Hop off my balls. Besides, no one will believe anything I say at this point." Said Paul.

"Alright, good enough." Pinkie looked around again before continuing. "I'm kind of a murderer." She had no idea why she felt so compelled to tell Paul about this, she had never told anyone. Maybe it's because she just wanted to get it off her chest and he probably wouldn't judge her for it.

"Meh, is that it? I though you were going to tell me something really crazy." Said Paul clearly not phased by what she had just told him.

"Well it's a really big deal around here! No pony ever does that kind of thing, I just, I can't help it sometimes. I just NEED to kill things."

Paul put a claw up to let her know she didn't need to explain herself anymore. "I understand completely, killing things indiscriminately is the best. I won't tell anyone else that you're a cold blooded killing machine though." It looks like this pink pony isn't so bad after all, thought Paul.

"Woo hoo I knew you would understand! Now we can be the best of friends and I can even throw you a party! Yes a 'welcome to Equestria' party! This is going to be so much fun!" squealed Pinkie Pie. She had replaced her serious tone with her normal upbeat one.

They continued talking for a few more minutes until they reached the edge of the forest. They could clearly see the edge of Ponyville a little ways away, so now they were here. Twilight really hated having this guy come into town, but it was too late to back out now. She would just have to make sure he was on his best behavior.

“Alright Paul.” She commadned. “ While you’re here in Ponyville you have to be nice and not scare any ponies. Or else.”

Paul saw exactly where this conversation was going, she wanted him to play nice so now she was going to try to intimidate him to assert herself as the dominant one in this relationship. Paul wasn’t about to let that happen. “Or else what?” He asked.

“Or else I send the royal guard a letter telling them that there’s a monster terrorizing the town and they can come pick you up for themselves!” Said Twilight angrily.

Paul was hardly threatened by the prospect of being attacked by a bunch of small ponies. He had fought the deadliest creatures and won, what chance did ponies have? “Listen here Twilight, I understand exactly what you’re doing, you’re trying to intimidate me, but that’s not gonna’ work because I doesn’t afraid of your royal guards. In fact, I doesn’t afraid of anything.”

Twilight wasn’t sure what bothered her more, the fact that he was back talking her, or the fact that his grammar was horrid. “You should be scared of them!” Twilight honestly couldn’t think of anything better to say.

“Simmer down now purple guy, I’ll behave. Though I have to admit, your royal guard doesn’t sound threatening in the least and if they arrest me I might even get a chance to talk to Celestia. However, I told Pinkie I would let her throw me a ‘welcome party’ so I’ll be good at least until then.” Said Paul.

“Woohoo! I’ll start setting it up right away! This is gonna’ be so exciting! There’ll be cake and balloons and I’m going to invite everypony…. EVERYPONY!” Pinkie said the last word in a very serious voice before hopping off towards the town.

Everypony else started walking off after her except for Twilight who reluctantly turned to Paul. “Where are you going to stay while you’re here?” She asked with a sigh. She couldn't just let him wander around Ponyville completely unsupervised, he would no doubt cause trouble.

“Wellllll, since the others already left it looks like I’m bunking with you.” Paul said.

Twilight visually flinched at the idea of being roommates with this monster. “Oh no! You’re not coming anywhere near my home!” Yelled Twilight.

“Come now Twilight, I thought we were friends, you wouldn’t just leave your friend out in the cold dirt would you?” He asked as though he was deeply hurt by Twilight’s refusal to invite him to stay in her house.

Twilight was about to downright refuse to allow him into her home when she remembered that she wanted to kill him. Yes, if he was living there it would be even easier to do, she could even play it off as a household accident! It would be perfect! “Fine…” She grunted. She didn’t like it, but perhaps the joy she’d feel when standing over his freshly murdered and mutilated corpse would make up for the endless suffering he would no doubt inflict on her while they roomed together.

Paul, on the other hand, didn’t really care if Twilight let him stay with her. He could easily sleep in the forest without any problems and he’d played enough mine craft to know how to make a house out of just about anything. However, staying with Twilight gave him an opportunity he just couldn’t pass up, the opportunity to troll the hell out of her. He decided at that point that the trolling would be glorious. “Alright, so where do you live?’

With a sigh, Twilight turned and started walking off towards her library home with Paul following closely behind.

Everypony in Ponyville just stared awkwardly at them as they walked by. At least they didn't run off screaming. Probably because they assumed he was just a small dragon and not some murderous space raptor. And he was walking with Twilight, that too.

After a short walk they made it to a big tree that stood awkwardly in the middle of town. Paul noticed a door and several windows, as well as a balcony built into the tree and assumed it was some kind of house. This was confirmed when Twilight walked up and pushed the door open calling out to someone named ‘Spike’. Probably a dog or something with that name. Then again, they all had dumb names.

Paul then followed Twilight through the pony sized door which he had to duck slightly to get through. Once inside he saw that it really was a library. Bookshelves lined every wall and were all crammed with various tomes or scrolls. “Well that’s cute, you live in a library?” Asked Paul.

Twilight tried to ignore the way he asked that and responded with a simple “Yes.” before calling out to spike again.

“Just a second Twilight! I’m up stairs!” Came a voice from another room.

“Well we have a- ugh… guest here.” Said Twilight.

Once she mentioned a guest what Paul assumed to be Spike came running down the stairs excitedly. Apparently they didn’t get out much so he enjoyed the company or something. Whatever it was it looked like a football and a raptor had mated and created an abomination that only a world full of colorful ponies could ever tolerate. He stopped a few feet away from Paul and stared at him curiously. Time to piss Twilight off some more.

“That’s a really ugly dog.” Said Paul.

Twilight’s face contorted as if she was in pain just from him even saying that. It looked like she was about to try to club him to death with her hooves right there, but after a few seconds she let out a sigh and gently spoke. “This is Spike, he’s a baby dragon, and he’s very sensitive, so I’d appreciate if you would be nice.”

Luckily Spike either didn't hear the insult or he didn't understand. “I’m not sensitive!” Argued Spike, “I’m too manly for girly emotions like that.”

Twilight was about to scold him for his sexist opinion, but Paul was too quick. “That’s right bro, we don’t need any of that girly stuff, we’re men.” The kid could use some male influence in his life and this would no doubt annoy Twilight who tried really hard to conceal her anger.

This wasn’t working out so well for her, she wanted him dead and she knew it would be MUCH easier if he was in her home, but he was already driving her to the edge. He’d only been there for like 2 minutes so far! She really wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take, she nearly attacked him outright when he insulted spike. Now he was blatantly giving spike ideas that are the complete opposite of her own.

She had faced discord, nightmare moon, and Chrysalis, but she could safely say that even if they all somehow mated and created an annoying all powerful offspring it wouldn’t be nearly as horrible as Paul. She would have to kill him soon before he did anything that would make her lose her cool again. The only problem is she couldn’t possibly do it before Pinkie’s party, she would be devastated! No, she would just have to play it super cool, how much damage could he possibly do anyways? During her inner monologue Spike and Paul had walked off somewhere. She hadn’t even noticed.

After a few moments of searching she found them upstairs in the bedroom that they shared setting up the guest bedroom. “No!” Shouted Twilight. Spike just stared at her in confusion while Paul gave her his signature smirk. “You’re not sleeping in here!”

Paul looked deeply hurt as he turned to Spike clutching his chest in one claw. “Sorry buddy, I guess I won’t be able to teach you all kinds of cool things. I guess Twilight just doesn’t like me as a friend, I just try so hard.” by now it looked like he was on the verge of tears. “ Looks like I’ll be sleeping in the dumps again tonight kiddo, don’t worry about me *cough* I’ll be fine. *cough cough*.”

Spike now looked like he was on the verge of tears himself from Paul’s display. Then he turned to Twilight. “How could you Twilight! He comes here looking for friends and you just kick him out like that? Princess Celestia would be very ashamed if she could see you now!” Spike said crossing his arms.

“Ummm… I meant he can’t sleep in this room, let’s set up the bed downstairs.” Said Twilight awkwardly.

Spike looked happy with this, he didn’t have a lot of friends and their new guest seemed pretty cool.

Twilight shot Paul a glare as she turned around and pulled the mattress out of the room with her magic. Paul remained impassive with his grin. She just kept reminding herself how much more satisfying it would be when she finally killed him. She took the mattress and put it down in the main room in one of the corners. She also got a pillow and blanket for Paul. She didn’t want to, but she also didn’t want Spike to think she was being mean to their guest. Spike seemed to like him, maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe he was trying to be nice but he was just weird. No! She pushed those thoughts out of her head, he was clearly pure evil.

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Yeah, stuff happened. Will Twilight be able to murder our hero and protagonist? Will Pinkie Pie really invite everypony to the party? Will Rarity get any more lines in the future? Well I guess you'll find out whenever the hell I post more chapters that explain that.

I hope the chapter's title didn't have too many spoilers for you guys.