Authors note: Took me a few days to type this, mainly because it's really long and I had other things to do. I could have easily split this into like 3-4 chapters with all the dramatic shit that happens, but I just decided to make it all one chapter. This ones pretty weird... enjoy...
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"I shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms..." Said Paul as he finally pushed himself out of the pool of his own vomit. He looked around and came to the conclusion that he was, in fact, in the elemental plane of unicorns. It wasn't a hard conclusion to come to seeing as how the sky was made from rainbows and the trees were just stalks with hundreds of small green unicorn heads branching off of them. He looked down at the dirt and noticed that it wasn't dirt at all. It was just billions of tiny brown unicorn heads. This was getting weird.

The next thing Paul noticed was that there was something wrong with the air. It smelled a little too much like root bear and it made his skin sticky just from being in it. It even tasted like root bear! This basically confirmed to him that the air was partially root bear here. Luckily, he had no problem breathing it so it wasn't a big deal.

Next thing to do was to look around and see where he was. From what he could tell he was in some random clearing in the forest of unicorn trees. There were no land marks around at all so he did the smartest thing you could possibly do in a situation like that. Start walking in a random direction. He knew what he had to do, and that was find a way out of this horrible unicorn world, so wandering around seemed like a pretty cool idea.

As he walked through the weird trees he noticed more disturbing things. Most of these were just unicorn-themed creatures and plants. It turns out literally everything here was based in some way on unicorns. Paul walked across grass that was just small, multicolored unicorn legs sticking up from the ground and noticed birds that were just tiny unicorn heads with bird wings. It was really strange to say the least.

Then he heard running water in the distance. At that sound he finally realized how thirsty he was, it had been a while since he'd had a good drink. Without thinking any more about the subject he ran towards the sound until he excited the tree line and found himself on the sandy bank of a river. What he beheld in front of him wasn't water, however. It was root bear! Thousands of gallons of root bear flowing like a river into the distance.

Paul wasn't sure whether he should be happy or sad about this. On one hand, it wasn't water. On the other hand, it's a river of delicious carbonated drink. He decided that he should just stop QQ'in about it and take a drink. He promptly sunk his claws into the flowing brownish liquid and scooped out a small amount to sample.

As Paul brought the liquid to his scaly raptor lips his eyes shot open. He realized something very important at that point. This root bear was delicious. It was quite possibly the best root bear he'd ever had! Without wasting any more time, Paul dunked his head into the river and started guzzling root bear at an alarming rate.

"Hehe, save some for the unicorn fishes!" Said a voice to Paul's right.

As soon as he processed the sound waves in his fully functioning ear-holes, Paul stood upright and turned towards the newcomer. He had been so busy enjoying the root bear that he hadn't even noticed this thing sneak up next to him. Paul took a moment to inspect the thing, it was really weird looking. It was clearly unicorn in nature and stood upright much like the unicorn man he'd already seen, however, it had much skinnier arms and legs and a thick tail much like that of a gecko. It also looked slightly retarded like someone had come along one day and beaten it with a hammer. The thing stood up nearly as tall as Paul and was a light purple color with rainbow colored spots along its back and tail. All and all, it looked pretty stupid.

"Unicorn fishes?" Paul finally asked after he was finished molesting the newcomer with his eyes.

"Yeah, what do you have stupid in your ears? They live in the root bear." Said the unicorn thing while rolling it's eyes.

"Alright. And what are you?"

"What do you mean 'what am I'? I'm a unicorn gecko. What else would I be?"

"I don't know, you could be a lot of things. You could be air, for example."

"Do I look like air?"

"You look like something."

"I look sexy is what you mean." Said the unicorn gecko with a seductive smile.

"Well, no. That's actually the opposite of what you look like." Said Paul with a blush. He didn't want to admit that the unicorn gecko looked fiiiiiine.

"Pshh whatever." Said the unicorn gecko with a wave of his hoof. "So what are you doing?"

"Well..." Paul stopped. He had no idea what he was doing. He was just kinda' walking around randomly in the hopes that he could get out of this messed up place. "Well, I'm trying to get home. You see, this unicorn man sent me into this world through a random portal."

"Oh, Unicorn man. I know him! He lives up in the big unicorn castle! If you want to get back you'll have to talk to him."

"Well then, I intend to talk to him. Where is this unicorn castle?"

"Well I can show you how to get there."

"Um, great, thanks. But what's your name?" Asked Paul somewhat embarrassed that he had been so rude as to not ask for a name sooner.

"I'm Unicorn Gecko, pleased to make your acquaintance Mr..."

"Paul, the names Paul."

With that said the duo walked off into the trees in a different direction than Paul was originally heading in. Unbeknownst to them, their conversation was being observed by none other than Unicorn man in his castle. Once they left the clearing he stopped spying on them with his crystal ball and turned to the demonic conch that sat on the table beside him. "It looks like our guest is coming to us."

The demonic conch didn't respond, instead it just sat there motionless.

"Yes, I agree. The raptor could cause some problems." Said Unicorn man after listening to the demonic conch's unspoken monologue. "I'll just deal with him long before he gets here. Guard!" He yelled out the door. Suddenly a unicorn with eight legs much like a spider came through the door and saluted Unicorn man. "Get the unicorns of the apocalypse, I need them to go on a little hunt."

Now back to our friendly protagonist sex raptor. "So, how long until we get to the unicorn castle?" Asked Paul.

"Oh, we should get there by tomorrow evening."

"What! But I have work in the morning!" Paul needed that money or he'd never finish his creation.

"Stop your worrying. Time doesn't work the same here as it does where you came from." Said the Unicorn gecko as though this was common knowledge.

"Please explain." Said Paul now confused about how time works.

"Well, time goes faster in the sub dimensions. Here it's about six times faster. With that said, you'll only have been gone for a few hours when you get back."

"Well that works I guess." Said Paul relieved that he wasn't going to get in trouble at his new workplace. " So we're in a sub dimension?"

"Duh, don't you know anything? There's millions of sub dimensions. I learned this shit in fetus school..."

Paul wasn't even going to ask about fetus school, The name in itself gave away what it was so he didn't have to ask. Then Paul realized that he didn't know what else to say and things got kind of awkwardly quiet as they walked. It went on that way for a while until Paul couldn't take it anymore, he decided to say something.

"So... Nice weather huh?" He felt really stupid after saying that, of course the weather was nice. From what he'd seen there was no sun, moon, or water to affect the weather. It was probably always the same.

"Yeah, thankfully there's no acid root bear rain today." Replied Unicorn Gecko. Paul was slightly relieved that his statement hadn't seemed too weird.

He decided to keep the conversation going by asking Unicorn Gecko about itself. "So, where do you live?"

Unicorn Gecko looked upset when he asked this and it took a while to answer. "Nowhere at the moment, I lost my house to a wild unicorn attack..."

Paul had read about wild unicorns before, nasty creatures. The worst part about them is that they have a toxin in their saliva that turns anything it affects into a unicorn. That's how they reproduce. Paul knew it wasn't very polite for him to ask, but he had to be safe. "Did you get bitten?"

"What! No of course not! I'm not a unicorn am I?!" Unicorn gecko shouted.

"Woah, calm down there chief. I'm just making sure. I don't want you turning into a unicorn suddenly."

"It doesn't work like that, the transformation into a unicorn is slow and very painful. It doesn't just happen suddenly."

Well this conversation was certainly weird. Paul decided to change the subject again and hopefully get onto a less touchy subject. The last thing he wanted was to piss off the one who was showing him how to get home.

Several hours passed and they were still walking through the forest. The two of them had talked almost the whole way, surprisingly they had a lot in common. Paul was just glad that he finally found someone who understood him... And wasn't dead. They were having a pleasant conversation about how to properly eat large panes of glass when they heard a scream coming from ahead of them in the forest. It sounded like someone was in trouble...

Then the scream was accompanied by the revving sound of a chainsaw, a sound Paul was all too familiar with. Before long they heard some explosions followed by more screaming. Paul was about to run ahead to see what had made the noise when a small unicorn stegosaurus ran out of the underbrush. As soon as it saw Paul and Unicorn Gecko it stopped, breathing heavily. "You gotta get out of here, they're killing everyone!"

"Who?" Asked Paul. This was a perfectly reasonable question.

"The uni-" Its sentence was cut shot as a metal arrow on the end of a thin chain pierced through its spine. Before Paul could do anything to help, it was dragged forcefully back into the bushes by the chain.

Paul and Unicorn gecko shared a glance that silently asked 'wtf just happened?' before Paul started to move towards the bushes that the unicorn stegosaurus was dragged into. As soon as he got close he heard a metallic scraping noise. Judging on what just happened, he was able to guess what that was and he jumped onto the ground immediately. He was right about what he though it was, as soon as he jumped down another metal arrow burst through the foliage and nearly impaled him. That would have hurt.

The second he saw the projectile pass over him, Paul pushed himself up hoping to take his attacker by surprise. This didn't work, however, and he was immediately met with a kick to the face. Paul stumbled back a bit before he was able to get his bearing and look at his attacker. It looked a lot like Unicorn man, but it was wearing a tight black suit that covered its entire body. It was wearing a gas mask over its face and a small crossbow on its left arm that was attached to a chain. it wasn't hard to assume that that is what it had used to shoot at him. It also had a long blade attacked to its right arm which it was now swinging at Paul.

Paul didn't have time for the economy at this moment so he did the most natural thing he could. He transformed his semi malleable arm into a sword and blocked his opponent's blow. The unicorn thing struck at Paul several times with its blade but he easily blocked every hit. Once it saw that its strategy wasn't working very well it jumped back a few feet and the chain on its arm started reeling itself back onto the crossbow. Paul was smart enough to assume that it was going to try to shoot him again so he simply grabbed the length of chain near him on the ground and held onto it.

This worked out for Paul as suddenly the reeling of the chain was pulling on the unicorn thing knocking it off balance for a second. That was all Paul needed and he jumped forward plunging his sword arm into the sternum of his enemy. As soon as his arm had passed completely through the body he pulled it out and jumped away. Much like he expected, the unicorn thing swung wildly with the blade on its arm for a few seconds before it finally collapsed from the wound.

Paul was victory! Nothing could ever defeat him. All he could think about at that moment was whether or not unicorn meat tastes good, though. Then there was more rustling in the nearby bushes. That's when he remembered that the unicorn stegosaurus had said 'they' meaning plural bad guys. Paul just sighed, it looks like this fight wasn't over just yet.

At that moment four more unicorn things walked out of the nearby bushes. They were all similar to the one he had just killed, but they had different weapons and such. The first one was carrying a rocket launcher on one shoulder and had a small blue towel duct taped to the top of his head. He will be henceforth known as 'towel head' (disregard the obvious racial slur). The next one was carrying a large black chainsaw and had a picture of Justen Bieber stapled onto his chest. He can just be 'chainsaw guy'. For some reason Paul really disliked this one...

The next one had a pair of matching nun chucks and an orange ninja mask. For some reason Paul wanted to call him 'Michelangelo', but instead he just went with 'nun chuck guy'. That name would suit him just fine. The last, and possibly the most dangerous looking one had on a suit of thick spiked black armor that was complimented by a long blood red cape. It also had bugles on its fingers which it obviously used as weapons (If you don't know what bugles are go google them).

Paul shuttered at the many times in his past that he'd been cut by bugles, they were outrageously sharp. He wasn't looking forward to fighting this guy one bit. He decided that the name 'Stabby' worked for him quite well.

"Ugh, hi." Said Paul, maybe the unicorn things wouldn't be interested in fighting.

Then Stabby looked over to chainsaw guy who was holding a red thing to his face. "Chainsaw guy." Turns out that was really his name. "What does the scouter say about his economy level?!"

Then Chainsaw guy pulled off his mask and surprised all of them. He was a cat unicorn! "It's over nine MEOWSAAAAAAAND!" While saying that he grabbed the scouter in one hand/hoof/paw... thing and crushed it.

"What!? Nine meowsand?!?!" Asked Stabby, that was clearly a lot.

They started talking amongst themselves and Paul noticed Unicorn gecko trying to get his attention. "Yeah?" Whispered Paul in its general direction.

"Do you even need any gear off these guys or can we just bypass them?" It whispered back.

"Well, I need something I guess."

"You mean the shoulders? Aren't you a sex raptor?"

"Yeah, but it'll help me heal better, I'll have more mana."

"Ugh, Christ..." Unicorn gecko sighed and rubbed its face with a hoof arm. "Alright Abduel, can you give us a number crunch real quick?"

Suddenly Abduel, who's a unicorn worm, burst from the ground near them and started hammering on a calculator with its head. "Ugh, yeah. Give me a sec. I'm coming up with 32.33, repeating of course, percentage of survival."

"Well that's a lot better then we usually do." Said Unicorn Gecko.

"Alright times up, lets do this." Shouted Paul as he started running towards towel head with his sword arm. "LEROYYYY JENKINSSS!"

He was about to stab towel head right in the stupid face when Stabby jumped in the way and blocked the blade with his finger bugles creating a shower of sparks. It was an unexpected block, but Paul could deal with it easily enough. He was simply going to kick Stabby in the sensitive underbelly when the unicorn guy jumped out of the way unexpectedly. Paul quickly saw why as he noticed Towel head aiming his rocket launcher right at him. Paul didn't have time to move out of the way as the rocket suddenly shot out towards him, so instead he did the next best thing and redirected his kick to strike the projectile in mid air.

Normally kicking an active rocket propelled grenade was a bad idea, but Paul had done it enough times to know exactly what he was doing. His large toe claw hit the rocket in the exact perfect place with precision that would make a light bulb jealous causing it to be deflected off into the trees where it exploded.

Paul took a moment to relish his victory over the explosive projectile and received a nun chuck to the back of the head for his trouble. "No respect..." Mumbled Paul as he moved out of the way of another nun chuck strike. Nun chuck guy was being a real dick, he wouldn't even let Paul have one second to himself. He came at Paul with another swing of his mighty nun chucks only for Paul to block it with his sword arm. The nun chuck's chain wrapped around his arm allowing Paul to pull the unicorn guy close suddenly giving him a fist to the face.

He was about to deliver another hit when he saw Chainsaw guy coming up from behind with his trademark chainsaw. He revved it up quickly and held it up above his head making his best sand person impression before charging Paul. Paul simply pulled his arm blade up, pulling Nun chuck guy along with it and blocking the chainsaw's sharp teeth. Nun chuck guy quickly abandoned one of his weapons in order to avoid the chainsaw and a whole lot of friendly fire. Now Paul was able to simply upper cut Chainsaw guy with his free arm knocking him a few feet away.

Next it was Stabby's turn to attack. He came at Paul with his bugel fingers, ready for blood. Paul jumped out of the way but found himself now in the path of a nun chuck. He didn't even have time to block it before the piece of wood hit him right in the shoulder. Ouch, that really hurt. Thought Paul, perhaps fighting all four of them at once wasn't a good idea.

This was only confirmed as he noticed that towel head had nearly reloaded his rocket launcher. A well placed rocket would really ruin his day. Perhaps running would be a good idea now, but he doubted very much that he could simply escape.

After the successful hit, Nun chuck guy started swinging to hopefully hit Paul again. Paul wasn't about to let that happen though and he simply charged up a bit of economy energon in his hand and expelled it towards Nun chuck guy. It was enough to knock him away, but he'd need more time than they were giving him to charge up enough energon to do anything lethal.

Then suddenly he saw a bunch of small flaming things flying towards him. He instinctually put up a small economy shield around himself to try to avoid whatever was flying towards him. Luckily none of the projectiles hit him as it turns out they were small air to ground missiles. They hit all over the place randomly, temporarily covering the unicorns in fire. Paul knew that this wouldn't be enough to kill them, but it definitely stunned them for a bit.

"Stop standing there like an idiot and get on!" Paul looked up and saw Unicorn gecko sitting on top of a large rainbow flying cow head. Without a second thought he jumped onto the cow head and they suddenly rocketed off above the tree line.

"What the hell is going on?" He finally asked.

"While you were dilly dallying with the unicorn guys, I went and did something. Namely that something was finding a cow head willing to air lift us out of there and give us some fire support." It was a good enough explanation for Paul. Then he snuck a peak back at the unicorns who had just recovered from the sudden explosions and noticed that towel head was aiming at them.

"Incoming missile!" Shouted Paul as he hit the deck.

"Take evasive action!" Yelled Unicorn Gecko as she held on tight to the giant cow head's ears.

Suddenly the rocket shot out and flew past them, only missing by a small amount. They were home free now!

"Wooooo!" Yelled Paul. "Now we're safe and we can fly the rest of the way to the unicorn castle!"

"No!" Yelled Unicorn Gecko. "What! Why did you say that?! Now something bad will happen for sure!"

Paul realized his mistake too late as he saw a big strand of rainbow stuff flying at them. "Ugh, what's that?" He asked while pointing at the incoming projectile.

"Shit son! Betsy, we got unicorn spiders!"

Betsy, the cow head, seemed to know what to do as it immediately started swerving in the air to avoid the strand of rainbow stuff. They were able to dodge it easily, unfortunately like 6,000 more shot up at them suddenly from all different places in the forest.

"Well today sucks.." Said Paul as one band of rainbow struck the side of the cow head. The rainbow simply cut in a little ways and stuck to the cow head. It was obvious to Paul that they weren't going anywhere with this rainbow stuff stuck to them so Paul cut it off his his sword arm before it could pull them down. The rainbow thing fell limp to the forest floor, but it had done its damage. The wound was now on fire and bleeding a thick stream of smoke.

"We're hit!" Cried Unicorn gecko. This is bad! Before long they were hit by several more of the bands of rainbow and it was apparent that they were losing altitude.

"Looks like we're going down with the ship." Said Paul sullenly. He'd faced death plenty of times, but never while riding a flying cow head through a unicorn-based sub dimension. It didn't take long for them to start spinning out of control while trailing a line of black smoke behind them. At this point it wasn't surprising when they rammed into the tree line and exploded.

Is this the end of Paul? Lol it would be a real big dick move if I just randomly ended this shit right here. Anyways, normally I would cut a chapter short after a dramatic thing like this, but I'm just gonna go ahead and stuff all of this in one chapter...

Paul pushed himself off the ground with a grunt. He was still partially on fire, but he hardly cared at the moment. He looked over to see Unicorn gecko doing the same thing. Thankfully it didn't seem hurt too bad. Then he spotted cow head laying on the ground. He walked through the flaming debris to where it was laying and sat down. It was breathing heavily and was obviously in a lot of pain from the numerous wounds on its body and the missing chunks that came off in the crash. Then it stuck its tongue out revealing a red and blue unicorn head on the end.

Of course, it wouldn't be here if it didn't have anything to do with unicorns.. After all, this isn't the cow level.

It started coughing a little bit through its unicorn head tongue before it tried speaking to Paul. "Did I do good coach?" It asked in a high pitched british voice.

"You sure did, son. You did great." Replied Paul with a smile.

It returned the smile to Paul before coughing a little more. "It's gettin' real cold coach. Can we have some hot chocolate?"

"Shh shhh. When we get home I'll buy you all the hot chocolate you can drink. Then we can get a dog and we can finally be a family."

Cow head sat there for a few seconds before smiling and saying. "I'd like that. Can we get a house by the ocean?"

"Of course, we can get a house wherever you want..."

Cow head started coughing violently at this point. "I feel really tired coach..."

Paul just put a hand on his tongue shoulder thing. "Shhh, it'll be fine. Sleep now. Every things gonna' be fine."

After saying that Cow head started heaving blood and he had a brief muscle spasm before stopping and laying still. Paul sighed and wiped a tear away that was rolling down his face. "Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince; And flights of unicorn angels sing thee to thy rest."

Unicorn gecko came up to him crying and they shared a long hug as they cried into each other's shoulders. Cow head was practically family at this point.

Eventually Unicorn gecko recovered and wiped the tears away. "We should get going, those unicorn guys are gonna' be back. They'll be able to follow the smoke and we only went ten to twenty miles at most."

Paul just nodded in agreement. He didn't feel like having a conversation at the moment, it just didn't seem appropriate.

They walked for several more hours and finally they were starting to get over the death of their dear friend. Paul had seen plenty of death, but losing a friend never got any easier. He looked ahead at Unicorn gecko, at least he still had it as a friend. Then he realized something very important, Unicorn gecko is a girl! She was possibly his best friend he had now. No, she was more than just a friend. He didn't know what he would do if anything happened to her.

Then he noticed something strange, it looked like a big mosquito bite on her right shoulder. "Are you ok?"

She looked surprised by the question, she clearly didn't know what he was referring to. "What do you mean?"

"Your shoulder, it looks like it really hurts." Said Paul while getting closer to examine the wound.

She suddenly seemed very defensive and turned her back away from Paul. "It's nothing." She stated bluntly.

Paul just gave her a stern look, it clearly wasn't 'nothing'. "Just let me look at it."

She sighed when he said this and lowered her head before coming closer to Paul. He looked at the wound for a few seconds before a horrible realization hit him. This wasn't from the crash that they got into, this was a very distinct wound. It was a unicorn bite!

"Wha-what is this? When were you planning on telling me?" Asked Paul, his voice was now shaking a little bit as he realized how serious this was.

"I just... I didn't want you to worry." Said Unicorn gecko.

"Well you did a pretty terrible job of it! You didn't think I would find out eventually."

"Not like this... I was just hoping to, I don't know. Help you out before I changed... But then I met you and we became so much more than friends.. I'm sorry. I didn't want this to happen."

"How long?" Asked Paul, he was having a lot of difficulty keeping himself from going into tears.

"Wha-?"

"HOW LONG?!" Yelled Paul.

"I'll be a unicorn in less than a few hours..."

Paul rubbed his hands across his face. This was literally the worst. "Maybe you should just go." He finally said.

Unicorn gecko looked heart broken but finally shook her head. "That would probably be best, you know the way."

Paul nodded his head and Unicorn gecko turned and left. As soon as she was far enough away Paul finally let himself start crying. He soon found himself curled up on the ground crying into his tail as he was now alone.

Paul awoke later curled up next to a tree. He had fallen asleep at some point while crying. Looking up he saw that it was starting to get dark out so he had clearly been asleep for at least a few hours. He briefly wondered why there was a day and night cycle if there wasn't a sun or anything that he could see before he just decided that it didn't matter.

Now rested for the first time in like a week Paul decided to continue towards the castle. No doubt the unicorn things had made a lot of ground on him while he slept and he wasn't looking forward to fighting them all by himself again.

He continued his journey into the forest as it progressively got darker and darker. Thankfully he had night vision or this would be really hard. As it got darker he heard the telltale cries of nocturnal creatures waking up. For example, he heard screeching that reminded him of an owl. As he thought about how stupid a unicorn owl would look he allowed himself to laugh for the first time in a long time. And by a long time, I mean a few hours.

Maybe things wouldn't turn out so badly. Maybe he could just get to the unicorn castle without anything bad happening. Then Paul realized what happened, that last sentence was the perfect set up for something to jump out randomly and maul him. He looked around the forest expecting a fight. After a few moments of nothing happening he let his guard down, perhaps nothing bad was going to happen. Then Paul realized that the same thing just happened and something could jump out at any moment,

After a short time he forgot about all of that and continued walking through the forest. He really had no idea where the unicorns that were trying to kill him were even at. They couldn't be far away at this point, no doubt they had started following him as soon as he flew off. Unfortunately, he hasn't exactly been making good time. Perhaps he can make up for that though, he is pretty fast.

With a newfound need for speed Paul sprinted off at speeds rivaling two cheetahs tied together. It stands to reason that if you tied two cheetahs of equal speed to each other then their overall speed would be doubled.

He continued like that for a while until he came to a large canyon which he had to negotiate his way around. This would slow him down, but he was making good enough time anyways. He started walking around the canyon when he saw something at the bottom, it looked like a building. Paul had yet to see a single building since he came to this messed up place. Perhaps checking it out was a good idea.

With a new goal Paul began to climb down the side of the canyon. Once he got closer he saw that it was less of a building and more of a shack. It wasn't very big and it looked like a red neck family lived there with all the trash on the ground outside, but it also looked like someone lived there. That was good enough for him, so he went up and knocked on the door.

After a few moments the door opened revealing a small, old-looking unicorn man of some sort. I say old-looking because it had a long white beard and mustache and it was all wrinkly. "Hey there." Said Paul.

The unicorn thing adjusted its thick glasses and looked at Paul for a few moments before letting out a grunt. "Shouldn't you be getting home young man?"

"Huh?" Paul was confused, he couldn't even read what the unicorn guy just said because it was yellow over a white background.

The unicorn thing noticed his confusion and cleared his throat before continuing. "Sorry, I've been here for so long I forgot that yellow is hard to read. Anyways, shouldn't you be getting home young man?"

"Well I was planning on it, but I saw this shack down here and decided to take a look."

"I don't think you entirely understand. If you don't go home you're going to die." Said the old unicorn.

Paul was even more confused now. "Are you threatening me?"

"Not me ya' whippersnapper. The unicorn meteors will kill you."

"Alright, now I'm sufficiently confused. What the hell are the unicorn meteors?"

"Every year a cluster of unicorn shaped meteors fall from the sky and destroy all life on the planet." Said the old unicorn as though everyone should know that.

Paul just stood there, that sounded highly unbelievable. For one, this old man didn't seem particularly trustworthy living out in his stupid shack in the middle of nowhere. Next, what should I even bring up next? "Alright, so meteors kill everything on the planet every year?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Then how old are you?"

"I'm nearly four months old. I've had a long life, I'm not afraid of death anymore."

"Well alright, now I'm just confused. So four months is a long time here?"

"Yeah, why do ya' ask?" Asked the old unicorn man with a glare.

"No reason. So when do these meteors hit?"

"Tomorrow at 12:00 of course. They hit at the same time every year."

Well things were certainly getting weird now. Also, he now had a time limit to get home. At least if he wanted to avoid being murdered by meteors. "Wait, if everything gets killed every year then why are there all these plants and animals?"

"Truth is no one knows where it all comes from, but each year everything starts to regrow again shortly after the cataclysm."

Paul just face-clawed. This old unicorn wasn't going to be of anymore help, This place was just too messed up for him, he needed to get out of here as soon as possible. "Alright, thanks for the help. I've got to get going then."

The unicorn thing waved at him as he ran off. "What a nice lizard." It then went back inside its house and waited for the approaching meteors.

Now that Paul had a time limit he wasn't going to waste any time. He climbed up the other side of the canyon as fast as he could and immediately started sprinting towards his destination again. At the rate they were traveling before they were going to get to the castle much later than 12:00. They had also wasted a lot of time on the way. Now that Paul was on his own he was able to go much faster at least. He still wasn't sure if it would be enough of a difference to allow him to get there on time. He continued to run for a few more hours and made a lot of ground.

It was now very early in the morning and Paul was continuing his run. He had stumbled upon a root bear pond and was able to rehydrate there. He knew he couldn't stop now or he'd never get to his destination on time.

Then a rocket flew out of the tree line suddenly. Thankfully, Paul was able to think fast enough to jump out of the way and he narrowly avoided the explosion. He knew exactly what this meant and quickly morphed his arms into swords. Suddenly out of the smoke Stabby jumped out and got a good slash at Paul with his bugle fingers. Paul was able to narrowly avoid having his entire face scraped off, but he did get a nasty gash across his cheek. Stabby was relentless though, and he swiped at Paul continually causing him to have to block and back up to avoid being murdered.

Then he heard a familiar revving behind him and knew that he was about to be attacked by Chainsaw guy. Unfortunately there was very little he could do because he was busy blocking Stabby with both hands. It looked like he would get chopped in half right there, there was no more hope.

Then there was a loud shriek from the forest that chilled Paul to the bone. It was the most horrifying thing he'd ever heard, and he knew exactly what it was. The rest of the unicorn guys seemed to know as well as they started looking around for the source of the noise. Stabby was still attacking Paul, but Chainsaw guy was now more concerned with whatever was making the noise.

There was another shriek from a shorter distance away this time before something horrible stepped out from behind the nearby trees. It was the most horribly creature they could possibly find out here, a wild unicorn. Paul took a quick look at the creature while Stabby seemed to do the same and he was shocked at what he saw. It wasn't entirely unicorn yet, it was still transforming! What was even worse is that it was clearly Unicorn Gecko. She had transformed though, now she was more unicorn in shape and was much taller and more muscular. She also had a proboscis much like that of a mosquito.

Paul nearly fell to his raptor knees at seeing this, she was a monster now. Another shriek from the unicorn snapped him out of it and he turned to see Stabby trying to kill him again. Clearly these unicorns were more concerned with killing him than living.

Chainsaw guy proved this as he revved his weapon and ran at the unicorn. It didn't even move or anything, it just let him stab the chainsaw into its arm. After a moment he lobbed a large chunk of flesh off and started laughing victoriously. Then he noticed the look on the unicorn's face. It's eyes were bloodshot as it stared into Chainsaw guy's soul. He couldn't take the force of its stare and he simply imploded leaving blood everywhere.

Nun chuck guy wasn't at all perturbed by how easily his partner was killed and he ran at the thing swinging his nun chucks wildly. The unicorn just looked at him before a bunch of sharpened tentacles burst out of the wound on its arm and sliced Nun chuck guy into pieces.

Seconds later towel head launched another rocket at the unicorn. It was a direct hit! Unfortunately for him, it wasn't very effective. It just seemed to make the unicorn angrier if anything. With that said, the unicorn jumped at towel head and sunk its proboscis into his head and sucked his brains out like a milkshake. It looked delicious to say the least.

Now it was just Paul and Stabby who were having an epic battle. They hardly even noticed what had happened to the other unicorn things because they were so focused on beating each other. Then their fight was interrupted when the unicorn appeared behind Stabby and grabbed his head with one arm. Stabby simply swung up with his bugle-clad fingers and sliced the unicorn's entire arm off. It didn't seem to mind, though, as a new one simply grew in its place. The unicorn wasted no more time in crushing Stabby's skull with its arm.

Now only Paul was left. He gulped as he realized that he would likely have to fight against not only a unicorn, but Unicorn Gecko. Then it shocked him by speaking.

"Hey Paul."

It said it so casually that Paul was confused for a few seconds. "Umm, I thought you turned into a unicorn, how come you can talk to me through your never ending bloodlust?"

"Oh that. Pphhh, I'm not entirely a unicorn yet silly. I figured I would help you since unicorn meteors are coming to kill us all in a few hours anyways."

Paul shrugged, he could use the help. He wasn't sure if the castle would be filled with unicorn things or not. If it was, it would be good to have her with him. "Alright, but you better not turn entirely into a unicorn suddenly and eat my brains."

"I can't promise anything."

"Whatever, good enough for me." Paul was just glad to have her back, now he could go home. "Now come on, we don't have long till noon!"

As Paul said this the ground around them started shaking. It seemed like a pretty strong earthquake. That theory was put to rest when he saw the ground opening up not very far from them as dozens of trees fell into the sudden hole. The worst part is, it was still opening up.

"Capital SHIIIIIT!" Yelled Paul as he realized that the ground below them was disappearing. They didn't have time to move as the hole suddenly sucked up the land under them and they started falling. As they fell Paul saw a big robot unicorn that looked suspiciously like a Gundam fly past them and out of the top of the hole using its jet packs. He decided that it was probably the robot's fault that they were now falling into an extremely deep hole. Then he realized that this hole was far too deep... They had been falling for at least 30 seconds now, no hole should be that deep!!!!

Then, much to Paul's chagrin, they finally reached the end (unintentional rhymes). Paul screamed once, needless to say it was plenty manly, before he slapped headfirst into the ground.

Thankfully he landed in something soft and squishy, Of course it was dark so Paul had to switch to his night vision to see what it was, It turns out he landed in a huge pile of what appeared to be organs.

Paul wasn't very grossed out by this, he's landed in piles of weirder stuff, at least this was soft. He could have just relaxed there all day, but he remembered about Unicorn Gecko. He got up and frantically started looking around. From what he saw, they were in a fairly large open room that seemed to be completely coated in guts. He couldn't even see the walls through it all. Then he saw a large pulsating mass of guts that stood out from the rest of them. For one, it wasn't connected to the walls like all the other guts were, so that made it different. Aside from that there were a few trees that had fallin in, just now they were inside-out for some reason.

It took Paul a few seconds to register what that meant. Unicorn Gecko must be the inside out gut pile! He rushed over to the pile and scooped it up in his claws. The guts are still pulsating, so that meant she must still be alive! Paul started frantically trying to put the organs back together in a way where they weren't all inside out but to no avail.

"Scanning... Scanning... Unidentified stupid lizard detected... Identify."

Paul looked over and saw a weird looking robot thing standing in a doorway to another room that he hadn't seen before. It looked like a humanoid skeleton made from rusted copper-ish metal, but it had a bird-like head. It also had red glowing eyes that were now trained onto Paul.

"Umm, hey bud. I'm Paul. What's going on here?"

"Lol, I tricked you. I don't actually have to talk like that. Anyways, you're in the Unicore."

"You see, when you throw around made up words I don't understand what you're talking about." Said Paul just as rude as ever.

"The Unicore is the core of the planet."

"Ok, ok... I can live with that. But why is everything covered in guts?"

"This planet is a giant unicorn head. We are inside the head right now. Everything unicorn-based is inside-out here. Luckily I was built inside-out so that I could function in here and do my job."

"Ummm. How are you unicorn-based? You don't look anything like a unicorn. Also, what do you do here?"

"I resembled a unicorn before I turned inside-out. And my job is the most important one there is. I store DNA from the various species. You see, this is the only place on the planet that isn't destroyed each year by the unicorn meteors. Once everything is wiped out, I dispatch unicorn DNA to the surface and let it evolve back into all the creatures and plants that you see on the surface. Luckily, while inside-out, creatures don't get old and die like they normally would."

"So you're saying that it's safe in here from the unicorn meteors?"

"Yes."

Paul thought about this for a short time before he got a good idea. "Can you take Unicorn Gecko here? She'll die on the surface."

The robot looked at him for a second before scanning Unicorn Gecko with his eyes. "Aww, wild unicorn DNA. It's very hard to come across, I'll gladly take her."

Paul was happy to hear this but sad at the same time. He'd never see her again.

"Follow me." Said the robot as it walked through the doorway.

Paul did just that, and before he knew it they had traveled through various other tunnels all made of guts. "So, what was up with that giant robot that we saw on out way down?"

"Aww, that was a planetary defense system. It never works, but it's my job to try. I send a bunch of robots out into space to try and defeat the unicorn meteors in honorable combat."

"Well that makes sense." Said Paul as they entered a very large chamber that stretched hundreds of yards in every direction. The room was filled with little pools of bile that had various blobs of pulsating organs in them. He guessed that these were other creatures being kept here by the robot.

"Alright, drop her in the juice." Said the robot as he motioned towards an empty pool of the greenish liquid.

Paul walked up to the pool and unceremoniously dropped the pile of guts he was carrying in. Then he knelt down next to the floating pile of now extra wet guts. "Hehe, we sure had quite an adventure huh? I still remember how we met. Those were some of the best minutes of my life. I'm sorry it has to end this way, but you'll be better off here as a pile of inside-out guts preserved for all eternity. I know you wanted to help me out with the castle, but let me help you. I guess this is goodbye..." He sighed before bending down and kissing her on the brainstem.

"Alright, you had your fun, now lets go." Said the robot as he started walking towards another door.

"Wait, how am I going to get back to the surface?"

"Idiot head, there are emergency ladders all over the planet that lead to here. There's actually one fairly close to the castle if that's where you're going. I'll show you where it is."

Paul was relieved, that's somewhat convenient. "Do you know how long until the meteors get here?"

"A little more than an hour, you're going to have to be quick." Said the robot.

"Then let's go!"

The robot then led Paul to a long metal tube with a ladder that he assumed would lead him to the surface. Once he climbed to the top he opened a hatch and found himself back outside. A short look around revealed a large gray castle not very far away. He was somewhat surprised that it wasn't all rainbow-ey like everything else in this place was. It actually looked just like a proper medieval castle.

Then he started to think. What if everything in the Unicore wasn't inside out? What if everything was normal in there and it was just me and the robot that were inside out?! These thoughts would likely haunt him for years, there was just no way to know the answer to that question.

Then Paul started moving towards the castle, it was pretty close. He got over a hill and immediately dropped onto his stomach as he noticed several unicorn things guarding the door. He quickly pulled out his go go gadget binoculars and looked at the guards. They appeared to be big unicorn things, each was slightly like Unicorn man with small differences. the only thing that was consistent is that they all had guns. Ak-47's from the looks of them. Paul wouldn't just be able to run into and punch them all to death, that would be stupid.

He spotted a cart coming down the road towards the castle and got a great idea. He would just sneak past the guards! He moved silently to the cart through the trees and grabbed onto the bottom of it before anyone could notice. He held on to the bottom, completely out of sight. The guards checked the cart's contents quickly before allowing it to enter through the gates. Luckily, they didn't look at the bottom.

The cart rolled inside to a large courtyard that was, unfortunately, filled with all kinds of unicorns. They were likely working for Unicorn man. Once the cart stopped, Paul jumped out into a pile of nearby cardboard boxes where he was completely concealed. He peeked out after a few seconds to make sure that no unicorns had seen him before he grabbed a box and ran into a nearby door. Now he just needed to sneak up to where Unicorn man was at. Thankfully there was a small map of the castle on the wall, clearly to help newbies out.

Paul traced the path where he needed to go with a claw before he started down the hall, still carrying his cardboard box. It didn't take long for Paul to hear voices from ahead of him in the hall, no doubt more guards. He was ready, though, and he simply ducked into his cardboard box and sat still in the corner.

Before long he heard the voices of the guards as they passed him. They were talking about corn... Paul was happy that that had actually worked. Perhaps it would be safer if I just continued on with the box.

With that thought he started crawling down the hall, still completely covered by the box. Luckily, he could see through a little hole that would normally be used as a handle. As he continued towards his destination he heard another guard's voice. He didn't care though, he had a box, nothing could find him! He continued to crawl by and the guard took notice of him.

It seemed intrigued with the idea of a conscious cardboard box crawling around on its own so it came up to it and started poking it with its assault rifle. Paul felt the poking on the side of the box and stopped. "Hey, what is this? I don't even?" The guard was clearly confused about the box. Paul knew the gig was up, he was found out. Before the guard could figure out what was going on Paul flipped the box over himself very dramatically before grabbing onto the unicorn's neck with both hands. With one simple motion he snapped the creature's spine. Then he caught the body before it could fall to the ground and make too much noise.

Well, the box clearly isn't going to work again. Paul decided to go the rest of the way commando style. He picked up the dead guard's machine gun and continued down the hall and up a few flights of stairs. it wasn't far to Unicorn man's office. Once he got up the stairs he went around a corner and was surprised to see Unicorn man standing at the other end of the room with demonic conch in one hand and a long wooden staff in the other. Thankfully, it was a rather large room.

"Hahaha! Well there you are. I've been expecting you Paul. You're really something you know that? No creature, unicorn or otherwise, had ever stood up to the unicorns of the apocalypse and survived."

"Meh, twas easy." Said Paul offhandedly.

"Good, then you'll have no trouble with my guards..." As he said this a group of unicorn things started rushing out of a door behind him and running towards Paul.

Paul raised his gun in time to fire a few rounds into the head of a big unicorn that stood upright on four legs with a bunch of tentacles coming from its torso. The unicorn's head exploded from the bullets and it fell to the floor as other unicorns climbed over it. His next target was a big unicorn wasp that was flying at him. Wasps are practically bees, and you know how he feels about bees. The wasp went down easily along with several other unicorn guards before his gun made the 'I'm empty' noise.

He had no more bullets with him so he dropped the weapon and instead charged up a pair of economy chainsaw blades in hands. he then used the circular blades to block an attack from a nearby unicorn guard with eight legs, much like a spider. The blue chainsaw blades simply sliced through the guard's arms, completely severing them. It screamed and backed up a little ways before turning and ejecting web at Paul. At least, he hoped it was web.

The webs took Paul by surprise and it managed to get over most of his torso. he was so distraught by the sticky substance that he nearly took a spear to the head as another guard lunged at him. This one was just a unicorn torso with spears coming out where all the limbs and head would normally be,

After narrowly dodging the sharp appendage he kicked out and snapped two of the guard's spear legs in half with his foot. As the guard fell over Paul swiped down with one arm and sliced its torso in half before lunging at the spider guard and doing the same. As he got done with that he turned to see two remaining guards who were pulling AK-47's off their backs. one was just a normal unicorn with crab claws and a head that split down the middle and the other was a great white shark with flamingo heads for arms and a big unicorn head growing from its chest.

Paul wasn't about to let these guards just shoot him, so he tossed both of his chainsaw blades at the guards. The blades spun through the air and easily chopped both the guards in half before disappearing.

Unicorn man looked around the carnage of the room with a frown. "You were supposed to die like a good raptor. No matter, you are doomed! Even if you manage to beat me you will simply be killed by the unicorn meteors like everything else! you lose Paul!"

"Bro, do you even know who i am?" He answered just as cockily as ever. "I'm a mother chuggin sex raptor..."

Unicorn man clearly wasn't happy with Paul's attitude. "I'll just have to wipe that smile off your face. Now die!" He snarled as a fireball suddenly started to form on the tip of his staff which he would undoubtably use to try to fricassee Paul alive.

Paul was prepared for a fight and he got ready to dodge the incoming fireball, however, it simply fizzled out. He was slightly confused until he noticed the pained look on Unicorn man's face. He started groaning and dropped his staff and the conch to the ground as he clutched his head. Paul was about to take advantage of the situation and kick Unicorn man's head off while he was distracted, but then yellow liquid started dripping out of his nose and mouth. Paul could tell from the smell that it was lemonade.

After a few second he collapsed as more lemonade poured from his open mouth. He appeared to be dead.

Paul walked up to him and confirmed this, from the looks of it, all his vital organs were suddenly turned into lemonade. Then Paul heard a voice in his head. "I did that." He started to look around for the source of the noise before it continued. "Down here you idiot, the conch."

Paul looked down and noticed the dark spiky sea shell. Paul reached down and picked it up.

"Good, now listen to me. I killed that fool Unicorn man and I'll do the same to you if you ever double cross me. He thought he could control me, but he was an idiot. I only used him because he was the most powerful unicorn around. Without me he couldn't even open portals to other planes."

"So you can open portals?" Asked Paul.

"Of course I can! I may be trapped in this bloody conch shell, but I'm still the demon lord of lemonade. Now then, I want to make you a deal."

"Seems legit. What's the deal?"

"As you know the unicorn meteors are going to hit soon. I think we both want to leave this dreaded place before that happens, so I'm willing to make a portal back to the normal realm. However, once we're there you must take me to a town, I can not go there on my own in this form."

"That should be easy enough, now let's get the fibbity-frick out of here!"

As he said this the world around him suddenly got shaky and turned into a tornado of colors. After last time, he was able to discern that he was probably traveling through a portal right now. Before long he popped out of the portal and onto the cold forest ground. Paul quickly stood up and brushed himself off. After looking around he was able to recognize that this was the same clearing he had been in before. It was still night, but Paul could see the sun coming up over the horizon, he'd have to get to work soon. Then he remembered the demonic conch and picked him up.

"Hehe, that was fun. You're going to absolutely love it in Ponyville."

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Yeah... Back to Ponyville...
Maybe next chapter will actually have something to do with the plot.
Mmmmm dat plot.
Anyways, here's a picture I drew a while ago with the demonic conch... along with some other things. It's not very good so get off my back. I'd upload a picture of the elemental plane of unicorns too (I drew a really retarded picture with water colors last year), but I don't have the picture so I'd have to copy it off facebook, and that just sucks.
Also, does anyone know an easy way of adding pictures on this thing? Like, for instance, adding pictures from dev art... That would make everything so much easier...

lololol, I'm gonna add a bunch of words down here until this chapter is at ten thousand words, just because it's soooo close. It was like nine-thousand nine-hundred and ninety-seven before so i think I've earned this. Also, don't QQ just because there are no ponies in this chapter, instead there are real live unicorns!
Yeah i know... not quite as good...
Maybe I should add the romance and sad tags after this chapter...
Lolno! People will see the romance tag along with the description and instantly think 'clopfic!'