Author tyme: It's time to eat some sliiiiime!
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Applejack certainly wasn't going to make things easy for Paul. She may have offered him a job, but she still disliked him, so she planned on working him as hard as she could. It started early that morning, she asked for him to come in at dawn when they would usually get up. As soon as he arrived she wasted no time in making him clean the pig pins.

Paul wondered why there were even pig pins if ponies didn't eat meat. There is literally no reason to keep pigs other than to cook them into bacon. Speaking of bacon, perhaps Paul could come back one night and acquire some. It's not like they would miss the pigs. That would have to wait though because Applejack was working him as hard as she could. As soon as he finished with the pigs she told him to milk all the cows.

Once again, why did they even have cows? Can ponies even drink milk? Paul walked into a barn and was met by about 20 cows who looked anxious for a good milking.

"Hey there big boy." Said one of the cows in a seductive voice.

Oh god... This is going to get weird isn't it? Thought Paul as he gave a brief prayer to whatever writer had temporary control over his fate. He was then forced to milk every cow which was made extremely awkward because they kept moaning the whole time. Paul had been told before that he has quite a way with his claws.

After filling about 30 buckets Paul stepped out of the barn only to be presented with another job by Applejack. This went on for about another hour until they were back out in the orchard collecting apples. He was carrying the buckets around while Applejack bucked the trees.

Then Applejack got a good idea, she could make him buck the apples. Not because he'd be good at it, but because she kinda' wanted to see him hurt himself. She wouldn't normally condone this kind of thinking, but it seemed appropriate when Paul was involved. "Hey, sugarcube, why don't you try some apple bucking?" She still had her bad fake accent,

"K." Said Paul as he walked up to a nearby tree and put some buckets down under it. Apple bucking seemed pretty easy. He simply reared back a bit and kicked it right in the center with enough precision and force to kill a hundred snakes. The tree reverberated from the blow and every apple fell out into the buckets much to Applejack's surprise. Paul just stood there like it was no big deal, which it wasn't. He just kicked a tree.

Applejack was actually impressed that he was able to kick the tree so well. It takes a lot of practice kicking trees to kick a tree THAT well. Of course, she wasn't going to tell him that. "Meh, I've seen better. Might as well go back to carrying buckets." Paul just shrugged and continued with his job.

Several more hours of gathering apples passed and Paul was pulling yet another load of apple buckets in a cart towards the barn when he noticed some talking coming from down the road in front of him. He focused and saw a trio of small ponies walking down the road in his direction. Whatever, nothing annoying could possibly happen.

Then Paul was proven wrong as the ponies spotted him and came running up. Once they were close they started circling him like small, ponified sharks. Clearly they thought he was pretty interesting.

"Are you Paul?!" Asked a white one with purple, curly hair. It was too damn cute, Paul couldn't even look directly at it without the risk of developing some form of cancer.

"Ugh yeah?" Said Paul somewhat confused as he continued dragging the buckets to the barn. The small ponies just followed him.

As soon as he gave his answer they all gasped with excitement and started talking at once. Paul couldn't tell what they were saying, but he was sure of one thing. This was easily one of the most annoying things he had ever heard and if they didn't stop soon he would begin bleeding from every orifice in his body. That's a fact. He dropped the handle of the cart so he could cover his sensitive ear-holes with his claws. The voices still burned inside his head no matter how hard he tried to cover his ears. It was as if they were scratching nails across the chalk board he keeps in his brain. Before long he could feel the skin in his inner ear turning to liquid and pooling in his limbic system. Only the dead could no peace from this evil. He briefly thought of how nice it would be to simply die at this moment. Paul couldn't take this anymore and his legs finally gave out and he landed face-first in the dirt.

This confused the small ponies enough to stop their constant barrage of questions. He was just laying there twitching and drooling. After a few minutes he finally stopped and stood back up. The ponies were still there, they were too fascinated by Paul to walk away just because he was having some kind of seizure. As he stood up his eyes fell on the small ponies and he flinched. They were about to continue with their questions when he stopped them.

"Wait wait! Please don't start that again. I don't think my internal processor will be able to reboot again after something like that. Please, just one at a time."

The ponies were about to all start talking at once again when they looked at each other and had an unspoken argument about who was going to speak. Eventually Applebloom came out victorious and she took a step forward. "Did you really fight all those diamond dogs?"

"Ugh, yeah. How did you even find out about that?"

"Spike told us! He told us that they came out of nowhere and suddenly you started beating them up! Then he told us how there was blood everywhere and you ate one of their arms!" Said Applebloom excitedly.

"Ugh, yeah. That's actually a pretty good summary of what happened."

Now it was the chicken's turn to speak. Paul didn't even know chickens here were sentient. "That's so cool!"

"Wow, a talking chicken! I've never seen one of those before!" It was Paul's turn to be excited.

"I'm not a chicken!" She yelled.

"Then why do you a chicken?" Asked Paul with his trademark smirk.

"That... Doesn't even make any sense..." Said Applebloom scratching her head.

"You're probably right. Anyways, I need to get back to work or Applejack will try to eat my skin. I know she's after my skin... I just know..." Paul turned and walked off towards the barn leaving the three little ponies to ponder why Applejack would want to eat his skin. I sure hope none of the ponies decide to weaponize those things. Then I'd be screwed.

Unbeknownst to all of them, a certain Twilight Sparkle had been watching these events take place. She had been secretly following Paul for the past few days to find out if he had any secret weaknesses. "Yes, this will do nicely." She muttered to herself as she came up with plans in her head to weaponize those small ponies. Of course, she wouldn't need that unless things went wrong with her main plan. It pays to be prepared for everything though, and if there's one thing Twilight is good at, it's planning. She even got her cutie mark for planning!

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Paul just worked on the farm carrying buckets of apples until it started getting dark and he was able to leave. As soon as he got his bits for the day he went straight to the hardware store and bought as many cheep tools and pieces of metal as he could with his money. He was gonna' build the coolest thing ever!

Paul was about to head back to the library with his arms full of metal and tools but he decided that perhaps that wasn't the best idea. Twilight would probably get suspicious if he started building something there. Instead he just went out into the forest where he could work in peace. It's not like he cared if it was a little dark in there, he has sex raptor night vision. After walking around a little he found a nice spot where he was confident that no one would bother him and began working on his latest creation.

The night wore on and eventually he ran out of metal to work with, he would just have to wait until he got more money to finish. That wouldn't be a problem since Applejack is working him literally every day. I wonder if there are any labor laws here.

Once it was evident that he wasn't going to be able to do any more work for the night, Paul decided to go on another adventure. There was nothing else for him to do all night (except maybe sleep, but that's for idiot heads).

Paul was walking through the dark dangerous forests alone for a while and nothing interesting happened. Not even the local wildlife seemed interested in attacking him tonight. Perhaps he would just not be able to go on any adventures this chapter. Then Paul started hearing a sound that reminded him of waves going in and out at the ocean. This was confusing since, according to maps he'd seen, the nearest large body of water is over a hundred miles away. Paul shrugged and moved towards the sound, It got louder as he got closer as would be expected, now it was practically blearing into his ear-holes. Luckily he had been conditioned to annoying noises by those small ponies so he could handle this.

Suddenly the sound stopped as Paul came across a small clearing in the forest lit by the moonlight. It was empty save for a boulder sitting in the middle, oh and the strange creature hanging out in it. The thing immediately took notice of Paul as he got near but it didn't run or anything. Instead it gestured for him to get closer and spoke. "Hey bud."

Paul took a moment to examine what the thing was and easily identified it as yet another weird ass creature that no sane person should ever have to deal with. It was basically a really muscular horse just it stood upright on it's back two legs. It was also magenta and had a unicorn horn, nbd. "What the hell was your mom on when she was pregnant with you?" Paul asked what he figured was the most standard question to ask after seeing something like that.

"I'm a unicorn man you r-r-r-r-r-retard." Said the unicorn thing.

Paul then noticed something unusual on the rock, it looked like a large spiky conch shell. The unicorn noticed Paul glancing at it and decided to explain. "This is the demonic conch. He was a demon lord in the elemental plane of lemonade when some scientists accidently opened a portal and merged his soul with a conch shell. Anyways, after he murdered a couple of people they managed to banish him to the elemental plane of unicorns. Also he's the one who called you with his ocean sounds"

Paul's mind=blown. That was such a retarded explanation of what is going on that it just had to be true. "So, is this the elemental plane of unicorns?" It wasn't a bad question since there are clearly unicorns here.

"Oh heavens no. This is just a stupid universe full of ponies and shit. Anyways, I'm here to let you go to the elemental plane of unicorns!"

"I don't think I want to go there. It just sound sticky." Said Paul.

"Lawl, like you have a choice!" Before Paul could respond the unicorn man jumped across the clearing and landed right on his head where he started to tap dance. "See you later shitlord!"

That was the last thing Paul heard before he suddenly found himself flying randomly through a world of swirling colors. These mostly consisted of light green, yellow, and purple. It looked pretty weird. Before long Paul found himself spinning randomly as he tumbled to god knows where. Needless to say it was really sickening.

This lasted for a few minutes until he saw solid ground coming up underneath him. by this point he didn't even have time to consider landing properly and instead he simply slapped against the ground violently like a rag doll. Paul laid there for a few seconds, still extremely dizzy, before he finally threw up all over the place.

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'Why does Paul even go on these adventures if stupid shit just happens?' You ask. That way I can have the adventure tag obvusly.

Anyways, I want some input (not just because I'm a comment whore). If there's anything you think I could do better or if you want me to add some dumb joke I might just consider it. Also I'm a big grammar whore but I'm pretty sure I make a lot of mistakes when the characters are talking. Maybe you can tell me how to do that properly.

Next chapter is gonna be weird as shit.