Act 6 part 1: Tis the season

"Good luck DJ! My friends will be waiting for you!" Twilight said with a smile, as I walked out of the house.

"Yeah I know... See you later Twi.." I said with a nod as she closed the door. I looked around the busy Ponyville streets and took a breath, then started walking. Today is going to be pretty busy for me.

You see a lot of stuff has happened in the last few days. I've been meeting with Twilight's friends, inquiring about available job positions. I asked Applejack, Rainbow and Pinkie, thinking at least one of them would accept me, But I didn't expect ALL of them to accept me. The second I even mentioned possibly working for them, they all said yes without even thinking. I skipped Fluttershy because I swore I would never go inside her house again as long as Greg is alive And I didn't even consider Rarity an option because I have no interest in fashion. All that was a week ago.... Today is essentially job training for me. I also can't work 3 fucking jobs at the same time, so I won't hesitate to drop the ones that I don't like. I started the long walk toward Applejack's farm since I told her I would be showing up there first today.

In other news... mating season has officially started! Which means everything is going to go to shit soon. As soon as I'm done working with Applejack. Mac and I are going to have an important discussion. I've been visiting Celestia and Luna in Canterlot occasionally, and so far I haven't really noticed any significant behavior changes, they've just been a little more quiet then usual.

Lightning has been coming over to Twilight's pretty often and we hang out regularly. He showed me this neat little bar in town that had AMAZING food and drinks. I frequent that place a lot now actually.

I also used the bits Celestia gave me and purchased a decent bed. Twilight let me have her basement, so we moved some things and thats basically my room now.

Spike has come down with this weird fever that hasn't gone away yet after almost a week. I'm starting to worry about the little guy, but Twilight claims he'll be fine, and it hasn't really gotten worse so, I'll take her word for it.

Yep... That pretty much last week in a nutshell! Time to get back to it!

I arrived at Applejack's farm and looked around, Mac and Applejack were already hard at work harvesting the massive field of apple trees. Applejack was apple fucking.... Uh... I mean... applebucking and Mac was pulling these big ass carts full of apples. Applejack saw me and smiled wide.

"Howdy there Derrick!" She said as she trotted up to me.

"Sup Boss?" I say with a smirk. Applejack's ears droop slightly.

"Ya don't have ta call me that sugar cube..."

"Ok then... As long as you don't call me sugar cube ." I said with a shrug. She smiles and shakes her head. She turned to Mac, who was still pulling the kart.

"Big Mac? Do me a favor and take a nice long break". She asked kindly Mac paused and looked surprised.

"But ah NEVER take a break sis!" He said, puzzled.

"Ah know... But ah hafta give DJ here the... Apple family evaluation..." Applejack said with a smirk.

Mac raised his brow and shrugged. He took his saddle thing off and left it laying against the cart, then he walked away towards their house. Now it was just me, her, and a big ass field of trees.

"So what's first?" I ask, ready to get it over with. I picked to meet with Applejack and Rainbow first for 2 reasons. One was because I figured that those two would have me do the most strenous tasks and two was because both jobs kinda require that I change forms. Rainbow and Applejack are the only ones that know I can transform anyway. Everyone else is still convinced that me turning into a Pegasus was just some really cheap illusion, except for Gilda because she saw me flying. Gilda's cool though, so she won't tell anyone.

"Well ah hafta see if you're strong enough to pull some weight around here..." Applejack said with a smirk.

"I can feel the pain already..." I said with an obvious fake smile. Applejack giggles and pats my back.

" I'm sure you'll be fine... Just show me how tough ya are honeybun.." She encouraged.

I groaned and started streching.

"I would do your fancy changing spell if I was you..." She said, watching me closely. Right... I almost forgot. Applejack told me that its against tradition to use magic when working with the produce, they apprantly dont grow as well as if magic is used directly. So that basically means that I'm going to be using Dauntless, my earth pony form, or my human form without magic. So I transformed into an earth pony. It was a bit beefier and taller than my other forms were, so I was slightly disoriented at first.

"Oh mah stars...." Applejack whispered as she watched me closely with sparkling eyes, making me uncomfortable.

"So....the first test?" I urged nervously. Applejack snaps out of it and clears her throat.

"Right...follow me honeybun..." She said as she walked toward a specific tree that had buckets set up around it.

"First ah want to see if you can applebuck. Don't be upset if ya can't at first though. it's a unique skill that takes years to develop..." Applejack said. I nodded and stared at the tree. I don't remember having to buck anything using my pony forms yet. Hopefully I don't mess up and miss the tree all together or something. I took a deep breath and turned around. Then I bucked the tree as hard as I could.

*THWACK!*

...

Welp... I don't hear any fucking apples dropping. I turned around to see my result. There were two large hoof prints where I kicked it and the tree was obviously bent from the force of my kick. Applejack stood there completely speechless.

"Nice try honeybun.... Use a might less force next time. Ah dont want ya going around bustin mah trees in half." She said neutrally. I cringed and she continued.

"Give it another try on that tree..." Applejack said as she pointed to an adjacent tree with buckets around it. I nodded and got in position.

*Thwack*

This time I managed not to kill the damn tree but not a single apple fell. I walked under it and stared up. I never thought kicking a damn tree could be so hard! I grumbled in annoyance and turned back to Applejack.

"I guess I'm not cut out for this kinda thing. It didn't wor-"

Suddenly I was showered by apples, much to Applejack's amusement. I guess I spoke too soon.

"Well they didn't land in the buckets, but its a start! You'll be apple buckin in no time honeybun!"

"Great... I cant wait..." I said sarcastically. Then one last apple falls and bounces off my head and into one of the bucket. Those things kinda hurt... Applejack snickers at me.

"See? You're a natural honeybun!"

"For the record...I like surgar cube better..." I quip.

"Alrighthy then... surgar cube. Let's get on with it..." She said with a laugh as she walked over to the big ass cart.

Please don't make me pull that shi-

"Alright surgar cube, go get yourself hooked up."

Fuck

I nodded sheepishly and walked around to the front of the cart. I reluctantly picked up that thing that Mac always has around his neck.

"It fits ya perfectly..." Applejack said with a half lidded gaze. I flash a nervous smile then she walks in front of me.

"Alright...ya need to pull the kart into the barn..." She said pointing to the barn of course its across the whole damn field.... Fate wants me to suffer... Fuck you fate.

"Well... Here goes nothing..." I said as my muscles tensed and I started pulling the kart. I honestly surprised myself at how fast I could pull the thing, hell I'd say it was faster then Mac was pulling it! Then again... Mac didn't even break a sweat pulling this thing... And I feel like I could collapse any second. Applejack watched me closely... VERY closely, the whole time with a light blush. I didn't care at the time because I was to busy pulling this bullshit.

I got about half way there, when my back hind leg suddenly cramped up on me, forcing me to stop. I grunted in pain and almost fell over.

"Are you alright partner?" She shouted worriedly as she stopped me from falling. I cringed and chuckled.

"Yeah... Cramps are Awesome..." I say sarcastically, wincing in pain.

"Ya hafta slow down surgar or you'll hurt yourself!" She scolded as she rubbed my leg. Then her cheeks turned red again.

"If you want I can have Big Mac pull it the rest of the way..." She said. I shook my head and stood up straight.

"Nah... I got this!" I said with a confidence. Then despite the pain in my leg I managed to pull it the rest of the way. Inside the barn I took the thing off my neck and sat against the wall with a sigh of relief, sweating profusely.

"Ya did a mighty fine job DJ..." Applejack said with a smile.

"Maybe. I bet Mac could do this like.... 10 times without breaking a sweat...." I said with a shrug.

"He could..." Applejack admitted with a laugh.

"But don't doubt yourself now ya hear? You can only get stronger and this can only get easier. It won't be to long until you're applebucking and pulling karts like the rest of us..." Applejack said honestly. Then she got a half lidded gaze and started rubbing my cramped leg gently soothing the pain and making me moan with pleasure.

"Especially with muscles like this..." She said, biting her lip.

Ok now... normally I would have freaked out and ran off by now. But the way she's massaging my cramped leg...I dont know... I think I could stick around for a little bit. She started rubbing against me, nuzzling my cheek gently.

"Where are y'all at? Granny wants to know if you're hung-" I heard Mac say from outside the barn making Applejack and I jump. He walked in and paused when he saw us basically cuddling, then a smug grin started to form on his face.

"Uh....ah think I should come back later...y'all look...busy.." He said with a snicker as he left and closed the barn door. I sat there staring at the door wide eyed. What the hell is he talking about anyway? Then Applejack said something behind me.

"Hold still for me surgar cube..." She said. Then a moment later I felt a... strange... sensation between my legs. Um... Did she really just grab my co-

"Turn your head and cough..."

...

Oh hell no.

"Hooves off!" I shouted as I jumped away, blushing. Applejack had this intense lustful gaze, her ears down and her eyes half lidded. Shit... I've been here to long. I started slowly backing away and she started stepping toward me.

"What's wrong sugar?" She asked.

"Uh...you just grabbed my junk..."

"Ah know... Ah was finishing your.... evaluation..." She said suggestvly, making me deadpan.

"Yeah...ok...I see what's going on here. I'll be leaving now.." I said calmly as I started walking toward the door. Applejack didn't say anything and I was almost at the door when I heard a... twirling sound? Suddenly a rope wrapped around my leg tightly I looked down in surprise.

"What the fu-Waah!" I uttered as my leg got yanked making me fall over. I turned to Applejack and she had a mischievous grin, holding a rope in her teeth.

Did this bitch just lasso me?

...

*sigh*

The shit you can do with hooves and a mouth still surprises me...

"You ain't going no where!" She said cripticly.

"How did you even tie the damn rope?" I ask, completely puzzled. Despite this awkward predicament I'm in, I still can't get over the fact that she just got me with a fucking lasso. Then she started to pull me toward her and my ears twitched. Right.... About to get my junk "inspected" by docter Applejack's mouth, almost forgot.

"Yeah... How about no..." I said as I start to struggle against her, dragging myself toward the door.

"Playing hard ta get? Ah like it!" She said as she pulled harder.

"Uh...*grunt* if you dont mind... I kinda had plans not to rut today..." I said as I pulled again, inching closer to the door.

"Well sorry to *grunt* burst yur bubble sugar cube..." She said with a grunt. Now she really started to yank at me, to the point where I was helplessly sliding toward her waiting hooves. Shit! I have to think fast! Or else I'll be doing Applejack! Well... You know.... That honestly doesn't sound that ba- NO! You have shit to do today!

I quickly turned into my human form and conjured up a knife. Then I turned around and started cutting away at the rope.

"Sorry Applejack but... Fuck your rope..." I said as I cut through it completely. The tension from the rope made Applejack fall back against the wall. Her hat fell and covered her face comicly. Now free of the rope, I quickly got on my feet and started running toward the door. Applejack got up and started chasing after me.

"COME BACK HERE AND RUT ME SENSELESS SUGAR!" SHE YELLED.... Oops I'm sorry... I mean "She yelled". I yelped and pried the barn door open. I stepped out and was about to take off when I thought that maybe closing the barn door would slow her down. So being the tactical genius I am, I closed the barn door....right in Applejack's face.

*WHAM!*

...

And she's out cold.

Good job DJ you totally nailed the escape.

"So do I still get the job or what? never mind I'll just...uh... Let you take your nap..." I said sheepishly as I started to run towards the farmhouse. I saw Mac who happened to be heading towards the farmhouse, carrying a bag with a pie in his mouth. I quickly ran up to him and he was surprised to see me.

"Done already? Ya finish fast partner..." He said with a smirk.

"What do you mean I finish fast....oh knock it off asshole..." I said with a frown as I lightly punched his arm. He set the bag down and chuckled.

"Listen dude. This isn't the time for jokes. We need to talk about something important." I said as I kept looking back at the barn every few seconds. Mac slowly narrowed his eyes and got a deadly serious expression that I've never seen before. He put his hooves on my shoulder and looked me in the eye.

"Ya Put a BUN in mah sisters oven???" He said stated angrily. I sat there in fear and he continued.

"YOU DIDN'T USE PROTECTION!!??" He said louder. I blinked a few times then started laughing.

"Dude chill out! We didn't do anything..." I said, dismissing the thought with a wave. Mac's eyes softened then he let go of my shoulders. He sighed in relief then looked back at me curiously.

"Well then what do ya need to talk about then partner?"

"Did you forget? That horrible event that officially started today?"

"What....oh yeah... Mating season?"

"Yes!"

"What about it?"

"I need to know what to expect! "

"Why so soon? It just started!"

"Dude. Your sister tried to give me a physical..."

"..."

"...ok...ah would have been ok with not knowin that..."

"Sorry but its true..."

"Speakin of Applejack.... Where is she?"

"Uh...one thing at a time dude!"

"Alright fine! What do ya want to know specifically?"

"What excactly does it do to the mares?"

"Well it effects everypony different and at different times. But for the most part none of them will act like themselves. Their ears and hindlegs will start twichin. A mare Pegasus's wings will stick out and get all stiff. A Unicorn's horn will starts shooten out small sparks, and they start messing up their spells and all of them will have the craziest mood swings!" He explained.

"Well that sounds fun for me..." I said sarcastically. Mac nodded then started looking serious again.

"Ya know it affects us stallions too right?" He said with a raised brow. I paused immediately and started to dred what he was going to say next.

"While the urges aren't as bad as a mares... You'll get em too..."

"..."

Well fuck me sideways then... I bet thats why I honestly considered giving Applejack what she wanted! Looks like I'm going to have to keep myself under control too.

"You were with Luna last season right?" I asked randomly. He blinked a few times and nodded.

"Eyyup! Why do you ask?"

"Well... She and I are close friends... So I want to know if I should except the same from her..." I said with a shrug. Mac starts to look horrified, giving me a sinking feeling.

"Stay away from her for the week... Trust me partner..." He warned. I swallowed hard and rubbed my forhead.

"Why?"

"Well...ah can tell you that I have never been so....not in control... with her..."

"Oh...she's one of those..." I said my eyes widening in horror.

"Yeah....she's really... Bossy...." Mac said with a shudder.

"This week is gonna be super shity..." I said with a facepalm.

"Not for me!" Mac said, beaming proudly.

"Oh really?"

"Eyyup!"

"Aren't you worried Fluttershy will flip out on you?"

"Nnope"

"Ok...don't come crying to me when she drags you into her house by your fucking tail..." I said with a shrug as I started walking away. Before I left I turned back and snatched the pie off the floor.

"Oh by the way... Uh..tell Applejack I'm sorry when she wakes up..." I said with a nervous smile. Mac narrowed his eyes and looked at me puzzled.

"What In tarnation are you talkin abo-"

"GRAB EM FOR ME BIG MAC!!" A now awake Applejack called out as she sprinted toward us, a huge lump on her head. I quickly tapped Mac on the back.

"Uh...bye!" I said, as I turned into a Pegasus and flew off, escaping another lasso. With a sigh of relief I took to the sky and ate the epic pie. Ok one job down... 2 more to go! Now I have to get to Cloudsdale or whatever that bullshit floating town is called. The mere sight of it aggravates me because theres fucking liquid rainbow leaking out of some of the clouds. After about 2 minutes of flying I made it to the town made of fucking clouds.

This would be pretty damn cool.... If the town didn't smash all the physics. Like seriously! What the fuck is wrong with Equestria?!? You don't even understand how much this pisses me off...like I kinda feel homesick.... At least things made sense there!

Finding Rainbow wasn't hard... Just look for the big ass Rainbow streak above the town... I flew up and the streak immediately stopped moving. Then Rainbow flew over to meet me.

"What's up DJ?" Rainbow said casually floating leisurely next to me in a relaxed position. Then she noticed my face and raised her brow. "Sheesh dude... That look could kill a Minotaur! What's got you so upset?" She asked. I facehoofed and shook my head. Then she started snickering.

"I bet you're mad because you didn't get any mare action yet!" She said with a smug grin.

"Pfft! hell no. Besides, I bet you didn't get any either..." I shot back. Rainbow rolled her eyes then smirked.

"*ahem* Well not yet..." She said confidently. Then as if on cue a small cloud came floating down next to us. Lightning was standing on it looking like he saw a fucking ghost.

"This ain't natural... Earth ponies don't fly..." he squeaked. I looked at Rainbow in surprise she just stared at the cloud with a half lidded expression. Then I started laughing and flew up to Lightning.

"Alright... What the hell did she say to get you to do this?" I ask as I fold my hooves in front of me.

"Things..." Lightning muttered. The cloud wobbled slightly and he shuddered.

"Well were these...things worth it?"

"Ya bet your flank they were..." He said with a weak smile. Hmm.... Judging by that hungry look Dash is giving him, I'd say he's getting lucky tonight. Then I flew back over to Dash.

"Oh by the way... How the hell is he not falling to his death right now?" I asked as the cloud wobbles again and he clings on for his life.

"I had Twilight enchant him so he can spend the night..." Rainbow said casually, still giving Lighting that hungry look. Ok...I'm done hearing about this.

"Ok... Can we get on with the job training?" I ask, quickly getting irritated. Rainbow shook herself out of the trance.

"See.... About that..." She started to say with a nervous smile as she tapped her hooves together. I deadpaned and awaited bad news.

"You see... the rest of the weather team wants to see if you've got what it takes to be a weather pony, and they told me not to train you until you at least do the beginner course...." She said nervously awaiting my reaction. Hm...ok....I'm not upset.... Not upset... Ok a little bit. I honestly should have expected something like this because she's not the only one on the team. I groaned in annoyance then rubbed my forehead.

"Ok...when?"

"Anytime."

"What's on the course?"

"Oh its honestly really easy... Just fly through a couple rings, bust a few clouds and make a small tornado..."

"Ok that sounds prett-WHAT??!" I suddenly shouted.

"You have to make a small tornado..."

"...I can't even describe how upset I am with this fucking world right now..." I said as a vien on my forehead almost pops.

"Why?"

"Just....fuck physics.... The first law of physics in Equestria is to say fuck the laws just shit Rainbows" I said with a frown. Rainbow and Lightning look at me in confusion.

"Ah don't get i-"

"Just show me the damn course..."

Rainbow starts to chuckle and instead of leading me anywhere she simply points up. A few hundred feet up was the bullshit she was describing. A couple rings that resemble Hulla hoops suspended by clouds, a few clouds put in front of the hoops for busting, and lastly a large area where I assume I'm supposed to make the tornado. I looked at it and nodded.

"How do I bust clouds?"

"Just fly through them."

"And the tornado?"

"Fly really fast in a tight circle until it appears..."

"Cool. Let's do it."

"Alright give me like... 5 minutes to get the girls and meet me up there."

"Alright... Go ahead..." I said calmly. Rainbow nodded then took off. A moment later she quickly zipped back.

"Oh yeah I almost forgot... These girls don't know you're Dawn, so you'll have to make a good impression on them!" Dash said as she flew off again, leaving me and Lightning floating there.

"..."

"So...are ya gonna ace it partner?"

"I really hope I don't at this point... I don't know if I would manage to stay sane while frolicking on clouds and seeing double rainbows. But money is money..." I said with a laugh.

"Ah guess things don't work like this where ya come from?"

"Nope... Clouds do what the fuck they want to do, and you can't stand on them..."

"Wow... I can't even imagine that..." Lightning said with a laugh making me deadpan.

"Welp have fun!" I said with a smirk as I take off toward the obstacle course. His eyes widened and his ears drooped down.

"WHERE IN TARNATION ARE YOU GOIN? COME BACK!"

"I'm sure your girlfriend will swing by dude! You'll be fine!" I said with a shit eating smirk.

"YOU BUCKER! GET THE HAY BACK HERE!" He screamed as he clinged to the cloud. I snickered then broke into full laughter. Then I stopped suddenly and my eyes widened.

What if he DOES falls?

"..."

Yeah...I should probably go back and get him.

...

There was a group of 5 judgmental looking pegasus girls whom I've never met nore want to meet staring at me as I stood on the starting line.

"Alright... Drift. You may begin when you're ready..." One of the mares said. Then Rainbow pat my back.

"Im sure you'll nail it dude! Just be 19% more awesome!" Rainbow encouraged. I nodded then did a double take.

"19%?"

"Because only I'm the full 20%!" She said with her trademark ego. I shook my head, spread my wings and hunched down. The second I did I saw one of the pegasi blush and quickly wrote something down. Ugh....I need to get this bullshit over with already.

"Here goes absolutely nothing...." I say as I take off, blowing everyone's mane in their faces. Rainbow was right about the course being easy. The rings took me through a few corkscrews and some loops, and a thing that reminded me of a double helix. I went through them all at staggering speeds. Then it straightened out a bit when it got to the cloud busting part. I just did what Rainbow said and hoped for the best and sure enough I was fucking up some clouds. What she DIDN'T tell me is that busting a cloud kinda....stings...just a little bit.

I could hear ponies cheering for me but I didn't have time to look because it was time to..."make" a twister.

"This better not work..." I said to myself as I stopped for a moment then started flying in a tight circle. Sure enough that shit actually worked....a little to well. The tornado started to rapidly expand, sucking nearby clouds in and getting bigger. Then this weird black Lightning started to spark out of it.

"Oh crap..." I muttered as the tornado started to go out of control and suck up parts of the course. Then a Rainbow streaked past me and started going around the tornado until it dissipated. Then Rainbow flew over to me looking slightly pissed.

"For the record you never told me how to stop the thing..."

"Just fly in the OPPOSITE direction... Duh!"

"Hey don't DUH me! This shit shouldn't even be possible in the first place!"

"Whatever dude. Just come get your results..." Rainbow said with a facehoof as she flew back to the start of the course and I followed. When we landed back at the starting cloud the mares looked at me speechless.

"Uh...sorry about the course..." I said as I rubbed the back of my neck and smiled nervously. They remained silent so Rainbow spoke up.

"Eh... We've been meaning to replace that old thing anyways, don't sweat it..." She said with a laugh. Then Lightning walked over to me.

"That was a mighty fine performance, but what was all that black lightnin about?" He asked.

"Honestly I couldn't tell you dude..." I say, scratching my head. I turned back to the judges, who were blushing furiously.

"So... Do I pass or wh-"

"Yes"

"Definitely"

"11/10"

"Ooooh yeah"

"I came"

...

"Ok....so I can leave now?"

"We have to inspect your wings first!" The 5 of them said symeltanously, a hungry look in their eyes. Yeah....no. I deadpanned and looked at Lighting and Rainbow.

" I'm gonna go bake a cake or something bye!" I said as I hopped off the cloud and dove toward Ponyville. Thankfully they didn't give chase like Applejack did, there's no doors to slam in their faces nearby. I suppose I could conjure some.

...

After a half crash landing and a few profanities I was transformed back to dawn and walking toward Sugar Cube Corner, completely exhausted and in pain. Well... At least I dont have to lift heavy things, I thought as I walked into the establishment. Then...things got strange...

The place was completely empty, nobody in line whatsoever, which is strange for this place because its usually packed. Another strange thing I noticed was nobody was at the counter. Usually... Uh... Ms cake or something will be there. But the place was empty and dead silent.

"Pinkie?" I call out cautiously.

Silence.

Ok....are they busy or something? She said I could come Today, so where the fuck is she at?

"Hi Dawn"

"Hi Pinkie"

...

"Woah!" I exclaimed as Pinkie fell from the ceiling. Then she just flashed that huge smile of hers.

"Uh...why?" I ask puzzled, making her giggle.

"I saw this spider hanging from the ceiling and it looked like fun! So I tried it!" She explained.

"Uh...ok then... thats...good to know..." I mutter awkwardly. Then realizatuon dawned and I freaked out....

"Where's the spider!?" I blurt nervously. Pinkie giggled again. Then she stuck her hoof out and there was the...biggest....fattest....spider I've ever seen.

"Here it is! You want to meet him?" Pinkie asked innocently. I took a single step back and froze.

Don't freak out dont freak out Don't fre-

Then she tossed the spider at me and it landed on my muzzle.

"..."

"Here! I'm sure you two will be good frien-"

"wwwWWAAAAAAH! GET THIS MOTHERFUCKER OFF ME!" I shrieked as I flipped a shit and screamed like a little bitch. Pinkie took the spider off of me and walked over to a window, letting it crawl out if like nothing happened. Then she walked over to me giggling again.

"Haha! You're silly Dawn..." She said with a blush.

"Oh god my head...my head..." I moaned in pain as I got up off the floor from slamming into a table. Now my body is really in pain. Ok...focus...get the job done so you can leave!

"Alright Pinkie can we start baking things? Or whatever it is you do?" I ask, rubbing my head. Pinkie zips behind the counter then smiles nervously.

"Um...I kinda... Made everything already...." She said, tapping her front hooves together. I dead panned and sighed in annoyance.

"Then...what do you even need me to do?" I demand. I'm honestly kind of upset that I can't bake anything. Baking shit is kinda fun and I was curious about how Pinkie makes her cakes so damn good. Pinkie looked for something under the counter then she slammed a large box onto the counter.

"Deliver!" She said with a smile. I sat there completely lost, I didn't know this place delivered.

"Really? Since when?"

"Since always! Everypony usually just comes in and makes their orders but today nopony showed up..." She said, her smile faltering slightly.

"Everypony has been acting funny today...like they're all planning surprise parties!" She adds rubbing her chin in thought. I shouldn't be surprised that she's a bit clueless on the whole mating season thing, I can't see her as the romantic type anyway. Then she brightened up and smiled.

"Anyway... Mr. and Mrs. cake are taking a... short vacation, and I don't know where they went, so I need you to deliver this cake!" She said with a smile. I nodded and looked at the address tag.

"Uh...this is addressed to the castle..."

"Yup yup!"

"Does that mean I have to ride the train?" I ask with fake disappointment. As far as she knows I'm just a unicorn.

"No! Can't you fly Derrick?" She said casually.

"Yeah but I...."

...

Wait. did she just call me Derrick?

"Can't you turn into stuff now?" She asked curiously. I facehoof and shake my head. How the hell did she know? I'm going to kill whoever told her.

"Yeah...but how the hell did you know that?"

"Lucky guess!" She said with a shrug, making me groan. Then she zipped next to me and looked up to me.

"Wow...I can't believe you're really DJ..." She said with sparkling eyes.

"Yes I am.... But you can't tell anyone ok? Its a secret!" I said seriously. Then I smirk.

"Promise?"

Pinkie salutes me and tries to imitate a royal guard.

"You can count on me Derrick! I Pinkie promise! " She said with a face that I couldn't help but laugh at.

"Ok good... I guess I'll be delivering this cake by air then..." I said as I turn into a pegasus and grab the thing off the counter. Its not heavy but I can tell that I'll struggle with it if I'm forced to carry it too long.

"Just follow the instructions on the tag. Everything is paid for already" She said with a rapid nod. Then she came over to me.

"Thank you for this DJ..." She said in a calmer tone. Before I could question it, she gave me a kiss on the cheek that made me freeze. Then she pulled away and blushed, giggling softly.

"Uh....you're welcome... " I said with a nervous smile, flushed as I hold the box securely and start floating out.

"See ya tomorrow!" She said with a wave. I nodded then left the building and started heading toward Canterlot.

Then Pinkie's innocent smile immediately changed into a mischievous one.

"Yes Pinkie....you and him will have fun tomorrow.... Lots of fun...hehe..." She said to herself. Then she narrowed her eyes.

"Soon..."

...

Flying with this big box in my hooves was awkward as hell. I almost dropped the damn thing twice and one time I actually did but I managed to catch it. I checked the cake and it was still completely intact much to my relief. It took me a little longer then usual to get to Canterlot for obvious reasons but once I was there I set down inside the castle gate. The guards checked but backed off once they saw who I was. I turned into a human and sighed in relief when I realized how easy holding the box was going to be with hands. Ah... good old hands!

Let's see here... Pinkie said just follow the instructions on the tag and the tag is telling me to deliver to the throne room. Ok...time to get lost!

...

I am so fucking proud of myself right now. I actually FOUND the room I was looking for in the castle, without asking anyone!

The guards let me pass and I walked into the throne room. I couldn't help but marvel at the thing. The room was fucking HUGE and the walls had all these neat stained glass windows. I haven't been in this room since I was drunk as fuck and sleepy as hell, so this stuff was new to me. At first I thought it was random art but I started to see that they kinda tell a story. Of course I didn't understand any of it, but some things made some sense. There was a particular set of windows that stood out to me.

It looked like Luna transformed into something, then Celestia confronted her, then zapped her with the chaos emeralds then she flew into the moon...

...

Huh... that doesn't seem right...

"That was a dark day..." Someone said behind me making me jump slightly. I turned and saw Princess Celestia with a forlorn expression as she walked next to me. Oh...I should have known she ordered this fucking cake.

"Yeah....looks like it was..." I muttered. Then Celestia walked over to one of the last few windows then smiled warmly.

"But this...was...probably the happiest day of my life..."

She was smiling at a window that had Twilight and her friends on it. Twilight was wearing this tiara thingie and her friends had on these necklace things. Then in the center of them all stood Celestia and Luna in an embrace.

"The day my little sister returned..." She said with a smile then she turned to me.

"Do you know the story of Nightmare Moon?" She asked me. I furrowed my brow and shook my head.

"Not really.... I heard Luna fucked some shit up and got hit with the magic ban hammer or something..." I said with a shrug. Celestia cringed at my vulger summary but managed to snicker.

"I believe it is a story that she should tell you herself... One day..." She said trailing off. Oooor I could ask Twilight because she knows everything, but ok.

"Welp here's your cake..." I said as I set the box down in front of her and sighed in relief. She saw it and her mood instantly cranked up a notch.

"Ah yes! I'd almost forgotten!" She said happily as she immediately snatched the box off the ground and opened it. When she saw it she moaned with pleasure and licked her lips making me freak out a little.

"I didn't expect you to be working for Pinkie Pie so soon..." She muttered without looking at me.

"Yeah...I was supposed to bake stuff, but she needed a favor so I guess I deliver shit now..." I said with a shrug. Celestia started walking back to her large throne and I followed. She sat down and smiled at me.

"So...how has your day been?" She asked curiously.

"Oh its been ok...besides that thing that's making people act up..."

"Oh?"

"Yeah...Applejack tried to give me a physical...with her mouth..." I muttered casually. Celestia's smile faultered... Well I think it did.... I might be seeing shit.

"The worst part is I was actually considering letting her do it too!" I add with a shrug and a laugh. This time I swear I heard the sound of glass cracking.

"What the hell was that?" I asked as I looked around. Celestia didn't answer me she just kept smiling, except her eye was twitching.

"Uh...are you ok?"

"YES!"

"Ok then..." I muttered as I smiled nervously.

"So how was your day?" I said as I casually sat next to her in her throne chair. Celestia managed to keep that same smile but I saw a drop of sweat run down her forehead.

"It was slow..." She said. Still holding the smile.

"Huh...get any crazy stallions chase after you yet?"

"Always..." She quipped.

"Oh...ok.." I said with a snicker. I looked at her again and I noticed her hind legs were trembling. Uh...isn't that one of the symptoms Mac warned me about?

"Do you plan to participate in the season?" Celestia asked me bluntly.

"Uh...not really...." I said carefully. Then whatever glass cracked earlier just got completely shattered. If I didn't know better I'd say the noise came from Celie's head.

"Wh....why not?"

"I'm still not comfortable with idea of...mating with ponies...but a lot has changed recently so you never know..." I admit, nudging her side playfully. I stopped when I saw a single spark go from her horn. Her wings look like they were on the verge of exploding open. My eyes widened and I started to realize what was happening to her.

Retreat Derrick....

NOW

I immediately shot up out of the chair and started walking away.

"Uh sorry Tia... There was this important thing...that I had to Do... That I didn't remember until a second ag- bye!" I say as I quickly left the room before she could say anything. Then I immediately started sprinting down the hall, surprising the guards at the door. Both guards looked at each other with a worried expression and they immediately opened the throne room door. What they saw was a Completely Flustered Princess Sinking into her chair, with quivering hindlegs. She let out a deep breath she was holding and her wings suddenly extended and became stiff. There was a firework show above her head and her expression was pure bliss.

The guards looked at each other then smirked.

"That guy really finishes fast..."

They laughed then closed the door gently. Celestia took a few deep breaths and tried to calm herself down. She cursed herself for almost losing her composure right there in the throne room.

"Derrick is your friend....not a pleasure device..." She said to herself.

Right?

That kiss was way too intement for him to be a simple "friend..."

Dont worry about it... You all had a little to Drink that night...

But you felt so at home in his arms so safe and secure...

Get a grip! You've been able to control your urges for countless centuries and you're going to let an attractive freind break you? No! She thought angrily.

Are you going to let the fact that he might rut other mares upset you?! NO!

"..."

Ok a little bit...

Then she sat up in her chair.

You can do this... Just a few more days and the urges go away. Just keep yourself stable around Derrick until then... She thought with a determined expression. Then a more important thought popped into her head.

Should I even bother holding myself back?

...

All my obligations for the day are filled so I'm basically going to high tail it home before any more mares want to give me a physical.

"Derrick? Do you have a moment? " Someone said behind me. I turned to see a familiar black and white mare.

"Dr.Bright?" I say in surprise.

"Yes, I despritly require your assistance...." She said with her signature stoic expression. I didn't see her displaying any symptoms, so I shrugged and nodded.

"Sure why not?" I said. She nodded then turns and starts to walk pretty fast.

"Please hurry... It's very important..." She said as she started to lead me somewhere. I sighed and follow after her. I wonder what she needs? As long as I'm not lifting things I don't really care.

We walked for a good few minutes until we came to a door. She opened it with her magic then walked in. I hesitated because it was dark as shit in there. I walked in slowly and carefully so i don't knock something down in the darkness. Then some dim candles sparked to life revealing Dr.Bright. Staring at me with her striking red eyes... And a smile?

"So...what did you need from me?" I ask, starting to get nervous.

"I need you..." She said simply.

"..."

She started to giggle at my blank reaction, something I didn't think was possible. She sighed and took her glasses off and flipped her hair out of her face.

" I suppose this is when the proverbial fecal matter hits the metaphorical air cleaning device..." She muttered. I still stood there, looking like a goldfish as I processed the situation.

"It is that time of year where all mares are at their peak of emotion. Unfortunately these urges that the season bring are very distracting and counter productive to my studies. These urges tend to susbside if they are satsified through fornicating, thus leaving me with a difficult question to ask stallions..." She explained. I nodded, mind blown at this point.

"To put it simply... I want you to completely Ravage my pony pussy until I cry and beg for mercy..." She said casually.

...

Ok...that was....that just happened.

"I understand if you refuse, after all you are not familiar with Equestria. However you are the most desirable mate and I would be thrilled to have intercourse with you. If you refuse I will simply seek out another." She stated with a half lidded expression.

Wow...I can't believe... She really just.... Well... At least she asked me nicely.

"Uh...I have to think about it...I'm kinda busy..." I said shakingly as I started to step back toward the door.

"I understand... Well... I will patiently await your Decision..." She said with a sincere smile.

"Uh...huh...see ya..." I say as I slip out of the door and close it behind me.

"..."

Should I be worried I didn't say no? Like seriously The word "Yes" almost slipped out of my mouth. Dr.Bright is actually really fuckin hot. This week is going to get weird real fast. I tried to shrug off the thought as I made my way toward the castle exit.

...

It was now much much later in the day, in fact it was actually nightime. I was just doing my new daily routine and chilling on Twilight's balcony as a Unicorn. I've been doing it for the past few days because its honestly really relaxing out here....

...

OK I'm bullshitting you. The REAL reason i sit on the balcony, is because this is the spot Luna and I chill at. But now that I think about it, I should probably go back inside. Mac must have told me to avoid her for a reason...

"Hi Derrick..."

"Hi Luna..."

"Fuck!" I say loudly as I jump. Luna was standing next me giggling Lightly. Shit! She's right fucking there! I need to escape! I started to slowly back away from her with a fake smile.

"Sorry Luna. I can't hang out right now because I'm really busy and I have to g-"I started to blurt but she stopped me by extending her wing.

FUCK!

I started to sweat nervously as I turned back to her. She looked as calm as ever, displaying no symptoms whatsoever. She sighed then looked down.

" I just wanted to talk...thats it..." She said seriously. I swallowed my tounge and nodded.

"Somewhere else..." She added as she looked through the windows, where Twilight was blankly staring at us.

"Um...ok..." I said as i turned into a Pegasus and walked to the edge of the balcony. I turned back to her and she looked surprised?

"What?"

"I uh...forgot...that you could um...do that..." She stuttered. I gave her a suspicious look and stared. I don't remember Luna stuttering like that...

"But I do it all the time..."

"Yeah...um sorry!" She said with a nervous smile. I looked at her with my "the fuck?" Expression. What is she apologizing for? And why does she look so nervous? Oh yeah.. Personality changes. Just talk to her and barricade yourself at Twilight's, you can do this.

"Ok...lead the way..." I say impatiently. She hesitates then nods, taking off into the sky. We fly silently for a little bit then land on a lonely hill not too far from Twilight's. I feel like I'm walking right into a rut....I should make this quick.

"Alright I'm all ears..." I say as I lay down in the grass and close my eyes. I hear Luna lay down next to me and sigh.

"Things are not as they seem..." She said. My ears twitch and I sit up and glare at her. She stares back with a stoic expression.

"What the hell does that mean?" I demand. Luna says nothing, she just gets this really creepy grin that makes me shiver. Then out of nowhere 4......no 8 of her night guards appear out of nowhere. They all start closing in on me walking slowly and chuckling to themselves. Then one of them flashed green for a second then they....they....oh my god what the fucking hell?!

I watched in horror as the guard changed. He was now a sickly gray color, he had blue eyes and a crooked horn with a crooked fanged smile to match. He also had these insect like wings and and...holes dotting his entire body... Like someone fucking hole punched his legs. The worst part was, the remaining 7 guards went through the same transformation.

I nervously scooted toward Luna and whispered in her ear.

"Please tell me this is just a fucked up fetish of yours..." I say. Luna turns to me and laughs.

"Things are not as they seem..." She repeated cripticly as she stood up. Then she started to change like the others. She pretty much looked the same as the others except she had green diseased looking hair and striking reptile like green eyes....those eyes...look familiar.

I Stood up and shivered nervously. I'm surround and outnumbered... By....whatever these nasty fuckers are. Wait... I can just fly off right now! But something is stopping me... Am I paralyzed by fear? I honestly never knew that was real...

Nevermind, there is this green magic bullshit keeping my wings shut. Fuck me.

"My my.....they really weren't kidding about your looks..." The tall not Luna, zombie Alicorn looking thing said to me in a seductive voice.

"Alright what the fuck is this shit..." I say throwing my hoofs in the air in annoyance. I bet this is some pony subspecies I've never heard of...

"Hm...a bit of a bad mouth too..."

"Bitch who are you?"

"Oh you're not referring to me are you?" She said, pretending to be offended.

"No im talking to the swiss cheese... Oh wait.... thats all of you..." I quip. The not Luna thing's ears drooped for a moment then it laughed. Apprantly It has a sense of humor.

"Ah...a smart mouth as well... Fine I will answer..." It said as it started to slowly walk toward me. They have me completely boxed in and I can't fly. Which means theres no point In backing up into them. So I shakingly stood my ground.

"I am Chrysalis... Queen of the changelings..." It announced with a confident smirk. Changelimgs huh? They look like a cross between a pony, a bug and cheese... God that's a lame joke.

"...and you are about to become my loyal slave... My handsome friend..." She said as she licked her lips with her snake tounge. AHA! Bitch you thought I was about to be your slave!

"Yeah... How about hell no, You're going to have to try harder than that..." I say with a serious expression as I stand ready. I'm debating whether I should try and knock out one of the changelings and make a run for it. Chrysalis scoffed and laughed again, still getting closer with each step.

"Oh but I dont have to..." She said cripticly. I tilt my head in confusion. Before I can think of anything witty to say, Chrysalis's eyes suddenly glowed green. A moment later my vision started to go green and my head started hurting. Then it all just... stopped.

Ok...not sure what that was supposed to do.

Chrysalis sighed in satisfaction then suddenly turned around and started walking away.

"Ok my slave, let's return to the hive...there is much rutting to be done and I have eggs to lay!" she said in a chipper tone, happily trotting away.

"I said I wasn't planning to rut anyone today and I ment it!" I bark. Chrysalis's ears twitch and she turns back to me looking absolutely livid. That look put chills down my spine and anymore potential insults i had for her died in my throat.

"My queen... It seems the mind control spell has failed..." One of the changelings said. Chrysalis's eye started to twitch and she turned to fully face me.

"If he is not under your control we cannot extract the love from him! He is useless to us!" Another said.

...

Ok I'm confused now.

"If he escapes he will tell the Princess of our presence!" Another said, taking a step toward me. I switched to my Unicorn form and started charging my magic and powering up to my first base.

"The solutions is simple then hatchlings..." Chrysalis said, narrowing her eyes on me.

"We kill him..." She said coldly.

And thats my cue.

I used the magic I charged to fire a laser into the nearest changling. It let out a inhuman screech then toppled over. One down, 8 to go! Chrysalis just seemed to stand there as the remaining 7 changlings came after me. The closest one grabbed onto my back and sunk its teeth into my shoulder. I cried out in pain, angrily swatting it off my back and onto the ground.

"Go find something to eat in hell!" I yelled angrily as I fired a beam straight through it. Welp changling number two isn't getting up...ever.

Another one reached me and it tryed to punch me in the face, but I dropped down and kicked one of its hoofs. I heard an audible snap as it shreaked in pain. Then I used my magic to grab it and quickly spun him around and tossed him at a changling that tried to flank me. The two went flying far off, hitting two more changlings in the process. Another One of them reached for my legs so I jumped into the air and stepped on its head. I heard a crunch and it didn't get up afterwards.

"Heh its like squashing a bug!" I said with a laugh. Another changeling came after me but I just knocked it asside with a wave of magic like nothing. The changelings that I tossed a body at got up and started running at me.

"Alright what is that now...5 down? You need better minions Chrysa-"

I couldn't even finish that sentence.

I didn't even see her move but her hoof is now firmly pressed up against my cheek. Then a moment later my cheek exploded in pain and I was sent flying into the ground at blinding speed. I grunted painfully as i bounced off the ground a few times then came to a stop on my back. I sat there twitching and groaning In pain, my head throbbing. I can't feel my cheek... Or my face....or my neck...or my brain.

Then with a flash I returned to my human form and passed out....

Queen Chrysalis and her remaining Changling slowly descend on Derrick. One of them yelled a battle cry.

"I will finish him off my queen!" It said. But Chrysalis stopped it with a hoof.

"No...take the dead and wounded and return to the hive..."

"But my queen..."

"NOW!" She barked.

The changling nodded and the rest of them complied. Taking their fallen comrades and flying off.

Now alone with the human she walked over to and stood over him. She charged up her horn and pointed it at him. She could sense the element of magic approaching, so she had to finish him quick. She aimed her horn at the humans head.

Do it!

But...he's hot!

He's useless to you!

But...I couldn't hurt someone that cute!

You must!

But he's SOOOO SEXY!

She started to sweat and tremble slightly. She took another look at him, laying on the ground helplessly and sighed. She looked down in defeat and eased her magic.

She couldn't kill him.

She came closer to him and rested a hoof on his chest... He was still breathing... Barely.

"If only we could be together... Truely..." She said with a forlorn expression. She felt the element of magic nearby and winced. She quickly healed him and used a light memory spell so he wouldn't remember what happened here then left, flying off into the night in sadness. A few moments later Twilight ran up to DJ.

...

"Derrick?"

"Huh....what..." I muttered tiredly.

"Why are you lying in the middle of a Field?"

...

Why AM I lying in a Field?

I quickly jumped up and dusted myself off.

"Thats a very good question Twilight..." I muttered.

"I felt a surge in your magic so I came to check on you... But you were taking a nap..." She said timidly.

"I must of slept pretty deeply... I dont remember coming out here at all..." I say as I scratch my head.

"Hmm...well you seem alright..." Twilight said, glancing over me with a nod. Then she started galloping Back toward her house.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" I ask as I start running to catch up with her.

"Spike went into the bathroom and hasn't come out yet!"

"So? maybe he's taking a dumb?"

"For 3 HOURS?"

"...uh Taco Bell?"

"Taco WHAT?"

"Forget it..."

We ran in the house and closed the door behind us. Then Twilight led me upstairs and we stood outside of the bathroom door.

"Spike? Are you ok in there?" Twilight called out.

No answer.

"Are you sure he's even in there?"

"I know he is because I heard him move!"

*shuffle*

"See!?"

"Ok then..."

"Spike please come out! We're worried about you!"

"Yeah come in out or I'm gonna French kiss Rarity!" I joked. I heard something slame inside the bathroom then i heard footsteps coming toward the door. Heh... Someone is salty!

The door unlocked and the slowly cracked open. Twilight and I instinctively looked down expecting to see spike standing there but instead there was a pair of legs. Wait...what? Twilight and I slowly looked up and gasped.

"Your not seriuos right DJ?" Spike said in a deep teenage voice. Twilight and I slowly looked at each other, our jaws on the floor.

"Spike? Is that...y...you?"

"...well...I guess someone's balls decided to drop today..."

Author's Notes:

Notes: The season begins! Let there be shipping!

Not sure what to say here... Uh... Tell me your favorite lines?

I might crank out another chapter of DJ's guests before starting act 6 part 2