Act 3 part 4: Small talk

Princess Celestia landed next to me after knocking the Huge ass mystical bear onto it's back with minimal effort. "That's not even fair..." I muttered as I shook my head. Celestia just gave me her signature smug grin. "So... It's safe to assume you can handle the Ursa?" I said hopefully. like Luna warned, despite the healing spells fixing things, I won't truly be back to normal until I get some rest, because all these injuries are starting to catch up to me. "Yes, I shall hold off the Ursa... Shining Armor should be arriving with the Royal Guard shortly, just relax until then. You've certainly earned the rest." Celestia said with a reassuring grin. I nodded and she took off into the air, almost knocking me over from her wing force. With that I finally leaned against the wall of a nearby house and relaxed.

"Woooo... I don't think I'm ever moving from this fucking spot again..." I muttered out loud. I feel like I ran a marathon... With a boeing 747 on my back (for those of you that are scrubs, it's a bigass airplane!)

A few moments later, Rainbow Dash landed next to me. "What are you doing Dawn? Get up so we can kick some plot!" She said with a nudge. "Nah, my body is done! I can barely move right now as it is." I said as I pushed her muzzle away. At first she looked like she didn't understand, then she saw all the Various scratches and dents in my armor. "You got healed too many times didn't you?" She said with a deadpan expression. "Yeah... I'm starting to feel like I was never healed in the first place. Wait... How did you you know?" I asked curiously. "I thought that Twilight's healing spell could keep me out of the hospital forever. So I.. went kinda nuts with my stunts, thinking that I was invincible. Then my injuries eventually caught up with me..." Rainbow said with a nervous smile, as she rubbed the back of her head. I let out a weak laugh before being forced to stop because my chest feels like it was on fire.

"Hey! take it easy there big guy!" She said, her smile disappearing instantly. "Heh... I'll be fine... I think..." I said with another laugh. I looked back at Celestia fighting the Ursa and I've got to say... You know what? I better not say, or I'll get...erm.... "excited" again. I think simply saying that she's kicking it's ass will suffice. I turned back to Rainbow and cocked an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be over there kicking plot?" I questioned. "I dunno... I'd say that the Princess has this... covered..." Rainbow said, as she watched The Bear hit Celestia with the same paw that knocked Luna out of the sky. Celestia just sat in the air completely unfazed by the attack. You know... it's shit like this that kinda makes me afraid of her! I mean... what if I do something to piss her off? I don't think I'd survive her wrath...

"Hey look! The Royal guard is here!" Rainbow said as she pointed to the sky. There were about 5 carriages that came swooping in, with a few Pegasus guards flying alongside them. They were definitely flying way faster then they were whenever I was riding in one. 3 of them flew past us and landed somewhere where the pack of citizens were likely to be while 2 of them flew next to the battle with the Ursa major. I noticed one carriage may have been a bit larger than the other but it was hard to tell from the distance. The carriages floated a few feet from the ground, slowing their speed down considerably. then about 10 guards hopped out of one while one slightly bigger guard and someone else hopped out of the other one. Then they quickly flew off somewhere out of range of the Ursa. I wonder who those two ponies that got out of the second carrige are? They seem important.

I could see now that all 10 guards that got out of the first carriage were Unicorns. They quickly dispersed and spread out around the Ursa major. One of the two important guards that got out of the second carriage was barking orders at them while the other flew up to where Princess Celestia was. She was hovering above the Ursa firing lasers at it to keep it on it's back. The leader Unicorn yelled something to the guards, then 11 different color beams shot out of their horns, the most prominent beam being the pink one coming from the leader guard. "Cool! I wonder what they're doing?" Rainbow said excitedly, as she watched the guards work in awe. "Whatever it is, they have more colors of the Rainbow than your mane does..." I said with a smug grin. Rainbow frowned and shoved me. "Ow! Chill out!" I said as I winced in pain. "Oops..." Rainbow said sarcastically.

We both looked back to the action. It seemed like the guards were using their magic to slowly form a gigantic barrier around the Ursa. The barrier was starting from the bottom and slowly enveloping it. The Ursa was despritly flailing around, trying to escape the magical prison surrounding it, but every time it was about to climb or jump out, Princess Celestia would fire a beam at the creature knocking it back. Eventually the barrier was halfway to entrapping the creature, this is when it started going bat shit crazy. The Ursa started firing it's mouth beams all over the damn place, just trying desperately to hit something. One of the beams bounced uselessly off the barrier, one almost vaporized one of the guards, who had to stop constructing the barrier to avoid it, one beam even hit Princess Celestia, but like with the Minor and Princess Luna, the beam washed over her harmlessly.

"Wow! They've almost got it completely trapped! Ha! It thinks those beams will help it escape! This is awesome!" Rainbow said excitedly. "Yeah... I guess..." I said with a mundane tone. I was way more worried about those death beams that thing is shooting, some of them are hitting near us. "Whoah!" Rainbow blurted as one of the beams hit a nearby house, blowing it to splinters. "Heh that was kinda... Close..." Rainbow said with a nervous laugh. "Ya think? Some wood from that house hit me! We should probably go somewhere safe..." I started to say. That was the moment when I saw it, the final beam from the Ursa as the barrier closed to trap it.... And it was heading right toward us! Rainbow somehow failed to notice it, so I had to act fast. I mustered up the last strength I could, and grabbed Rainbow in my magic. "Whaa! WHAT THE HAY ARE Y-" she was cut of by me tossing her clear of the beam.

I probably should have put more thought into this. There is no way I'm avoiding this one, since I can't even move. I don't think this will be pleasant. I braced myself before the bright beam struck me directly, I screamed in agony as the laser exploded around me, destroying the house that was behind me and knocking me into the air. I bounced off the ground a few times before finally stopping, completely stunned and laying on my stomach. Holy fuck... If pain was a person, then that would totally be me right now. Suddenly with a flash of light I reverted back to my human form. Shit... I guess that means I turn back if i take too much damage at once.

"Heh... I'm alive at least..." I whispered to myself. From what I can feel (not much at the time) all my limps are intact and I'm not bleeding too much. I do however have a huge headache from me tumbling and hitting my head several times. My vision is also horribly blurry, I can't see more than 5 feet in front of me. Oh and I forgot to mention there's this horrible ringing sound that reminds me of that sound effect in FPS games when shit blows up next to you, so that's fucking wonderful. I slowly and painfully rolled onto my back and sighed deeply, I have to try and fucking relax even though my heart is beating out of my fuckin chest, which is pretty difficult considering my entire body feels like it was on fire.

My perception of time right now must be way off because I blinked a few times and there were suddenly 5 figures standing over me. My vision began to clear slowly and I started to recognize faces. they were all saying things but I didn't know what because my ears are still ringing. The first two faces I recognized were definitely the closest by far, they were Celestia and Luna, who were looking at me worriedly. "Derrick? Can you hear me?" Celestia asked despritly. I responded with a painful grunt, which made everone standing there sigh in relief. "See? I told you he was alright!" A familer male voice said. As my vision and hearing cleared further I realized that the male voice belonged to Shining Armor. I guess he was that important guard who was commanding the other Unicorns. "All he needed was a little healing magic!" He said with a smirk. "Yes but I fear that he has been healed too much recently..." Luna said. "That's true... But all he'll need is some rest before he's back to normal." Cadance said, oh she's here too by the way. I'm guessing Cadance was the one who flew up to Celestia. The last face is a bit farther than the rest, so I still have no idea who that is.

"I'm still worried... He hasn't said a single a word yet..." Celestia said, the concern in her face still strong. "A word..." I said sarcastically making Celestia and Luna deadpan while Cadence and Shining laughed. "Still worried Princess? He said 'a word'!" Shining said with a chuckle, I'm still getting nothing from that last face. "Chill out princess, I'm alive and I scan say many many words..." I said as I used my arms to push my back up so I could sit upright. Everyone except Celestia and that 5th person that I still couldn't see started laughing. "In fact that was about 12 words, do you think that's enough?" I added, making everyone laugh harder. Celestia was about to utter what I assume was a clever retort, but that 5th person cleared their throat and everyone stopped laughing.

"DJ?" Said a familer tomboyish voice. I froze, immediately dreading who the voice belonged to. Then my vision cleared up completely, and I could see Rainbow dash standing there with her jaw on the floor. Without thinking I immediately turned into my Unicorn form, then I face hoofed and realized that probably just made it worse.

"Shit paste..."

Everyone looked to Rainbow cautiously, she was the only one here who was unaware of my new "powers" after all. She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times "Everypony saw that right?" She said as she stared at me. Everyone looked away and tried to look innocent. "So... is somepony going to explain this to me? or are you all going to stand there and act like you didn't just see DJ turn into Dawn?" Rainbow said with narrowed eyes. We all sat there with nervous smiles. Then eventually I sighed and lowered my head. "Look. Rainbow... I promise I'll explain it all to you later but-" I transformed into my Pegasus form and continued "- just know that I'm this guy too..." I said carefully. I looked over to Rainbow, it was a damn understatement to say that I just blew the living fuck out of her mind.

"No....bucking.... way..." She whispered, completely emotionless. "Look I know its a lot to take in at first but I need you to keep this a secret... OK? Nobody can know about this..." I pleaded. Rainbow just nodded, her jaw still gaping. Then as if an invisible switch was flipped she suddenly zipped up to me " Holy hay I knew it! I KNEW there was something fishy about you!" She said as she pointed at me accusingly with gritted teeth. "And you tried to claim I was crazy! That I was seeing things!" She spat angrily. "I...uh...um..." I stuttered. "Who else knows who you really are?" She said as she looked to everyone surrounding me. "Everyone here, plus Twilight and Spike..." I answered carefully. I forgot to mention the entire Royal guard and castle staff know my secret too. "Horseapples! I knew that egghead was hiding something!" Dash said as she rubbed her chin. "She's going to get it whenever I see her again..." Rainbow said cryptically.

"Woah woah! Don't get angry!" I said nervously as I held my hoofs out. "Just be mad at me OK?" I begged, I don't really want Twilight to get in trouble with her friends because of me. Rainbow narrowed her eyes and glared at me. "No...don't be mad at Derrick.... Be mad at me..." Celestia said, lowering her head slightly. What? Why would she say something like that? Apprantly I wasn't the only one because everyone in this little circle looked as confused as me. "I was the one that ordered him to keep this a secret..." She admitted with some regret. Rainbow Dash's angry glare vanished almost instantly, interesting... She's not going to do anything to Celestia. So far it seems nobody dares to fuck with her, except Luna and I of course. "Oh...uh... In that case... Apology accepted!" Rainbow said quickly.

Since that was over I turned back to Shining armor, I wanted to ask him something ASAP before I forget. "Hey Captain...I think I'm going to take you up on that offer..." I said, Shining cocked his brow and everyone watched us curiously.

"Uh...you're going to have to refresh my memory DJ...."

"You said that you'd show me how to make your pussy bubbles"

"What??"

"I'm talking about that barrier magic dude!"

"Oh...that's what you...HEY!"

*snicker*

"Still hurt about that scrap that you lost?"

"Hell yes I'm still hurt about that shit! You just hid inside it like a fucking PUSSY!"

"Heh... You're just mad because you can't use magic barriers.."

"Yep! That's why I need you to show me!"

"What... so you can hide in it like a pussy?"

"Uh..no. It would have come In handy when I was fighting those Ursa's... A lot.."

"Heh... I bet it would have... You took a beating..."

"Would have saved me a lot of pain..."

"Hmm.."

"And suffering..."

"OK..."

"And bleeding..."

"OK I get it!"

"Sweet! Let's do it tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow? Are you crazy?"

"Dude why the fuck not? Are you busy?"

"Nah I'm free, but you need to get some rest! I'm surprised you're still moving!"

"Heh...rest? That's for punk bitches like you, I'll be fine..."

" Rest is very important to your health! You trying to kill yourself?"

"Nah...I already died twice trying to fight those big ass mystical bears..."

"So...what if I ordered you to take tomorrow off?"

"I would show up tomorrow at the barracks or wherever you stay, and wake you the fuck up!"

"Heh... Really?"

"Yep! I don't take orders from you..."

"Is that so? You wear my Royal Guard's armor and claim you don't take orders from me?"

"What... That costume?"

"Yeah! What was that all about anyway?" Shining asked. I switched to my Unicorn form, which still doned the Royal armor that was now broken and tattered from fighting.

"Yeah... That..." Shining said as he cringed at the sight of it.

"Yeah i know it looks bad, you should have seen it before I got slashed."

"Hmm... I bet it was really something..." Shining said sarcastically.

"Oh you don't believe me? I can fix this shit right now!"

"Pffft Whatever..."

*zap*

"Oh...ok then I stand corrected..."

"Yeah! Not going to lie... This armor looks pretty sexy on me..."

"Hahaha!"

"Except for the helmets... Not a fan of those helmets..."

"Hmmm I see... I'm not too keen on them either... But they serve they're purpose."

"Yeah... I guess y'all strive to look like fucking brushes. Anyway... About that lesson tomorrow..."

"Hey... I told your stubbern plot that I'm not teaching you tomorrow!" Shining snapped. I removed the armor and turned to my Human form.

"OK 'captain' I'm still showing up!"

"What if I got somepony with more authority to tell you otherwise?"

"Pfft! Like who?"

"Like..Princess Luna?"

"Ha! What the hell is she going to-"

"If you show up at the castle tomorrow, I will make sure you have back to back nightmares for the rest of your life!" Luna threatened. Ooooh shit...

"Yes ma'am!" I said quickly.

"Hahahaha! That was fast!"

"Oh shut the hell up! I'm still not resting, I'll be fine witho-"

"If you don't rest I will personally make sure that the rest of your waking life is WORSE then your nightmares" Celestia said sternly. Holy fuck...

"Yes mistress!" I said obediently. The hair on my neck stood up and everyone laughed.

"OK...fine...fine!"

"I'm glad we understand each other then..." Shining said with a smirk.

"I'm going to fuck you up when I show up after resting..."

"If you do I'll cut off your gentiles and feed them to timber wolves..." Cadence said calmly. Ok... Officially afraid of Alicorns.

"Yes princess!"

Me, Shining and Dash, were looking back at the Princesses with genuine fear. They all sat there glaring at me with serious expressions. I was about to start backing away slowly but Celestia and Cadance busted out laughing. "Hahaha! We were just kidding!" They both said. Shining and Dash started laughing too, and I laughed sheepishly. We stopped eventually and I looked to Luna, waiting for her to laugh too.

"I wasn't joking..." She said plainly. My nervous laughter ceased and I gulped. I know damn well that she can carry out her threat.

"I apologize mistress!" I said quickly, making everyone else howl with laughter. Eventually they all settled down and I continued my conversation with Shining.

"OK.... so I was 'persuaded' so I'll see you after my day off right?"

"Yeah! Just swing by the castle!"

"Alright cool... I was wondering something else though."

"What?"

"Do you have some sort of area with... targets or something?'

" What like the magic range? " Shining suggested. Hmm... I'm assuming it works just like a regular shooting range, but for magic...

"Yeah... That..."

"Of course! Are your magic beams not packing enough punch?" He teased with a sly grin

"Derrick's beam cut through an Ursa major as if it was simply made of paper..." Luna said.

"What really?!?" Shining said in surprise, everyone else looked surprised too. "So that was the huge golden light in the sky?" Rainbow said. "And that was the large influx in power I sensed?" Celestia said.

"Eh... More or less... I did charge it for a while... Luna's giving me too much credit..." I said as I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Dont be modest Derrick! If you can achieve a feat that large with no training or experience, then you have a lot of potential!" Cadance said with an impressed nod. "I agree! However, If you don't learn to control and harness your magic properly then it could be quite dangerous..." Celestia warned. "Uh huh....sounds like we're going to need a few follow up training sessions..." Shining said sheepishly.

"Well OK... Way to sidetrack the fuck out of me Princesses..." I growled at them as I struggled to remember what I originally asked Shining about. They all giggled and Rainbow rolled her eyes. "What were you saying?" She said, urging me to continue.

"Well... I just wanted to know if I could try some human weapons out on the range..." I said with a shrug.

"Human weapons?"

"Yeah.. I conjured up a gun when I fought that Ursa minor..."

"Gun?"

"Yeah... Here I'll show you..." I said as I tried to conjure the gun up again. A few seconds later I had another MP7 in my hand. "Whoa..." Shining said with awe. "Cool..." Rainbow said. "It's tiny..." Celestia and Cadance said at the same time. Sigh... Fucking Alicorns....

"I said the same thing sister! But don't underestimate the weapon's size. When enhanced by magic, the weapon was able to knock the Ursa minor off it's feet with a single blast!" Luna said. Celestia and Cadance nodded slowly with that "not bad" face. I guess they get it now. "Keep in mind this is designed to be small and compact, and was only ment to kill humans..." I stated. Celestia and Cadance nodded again more impressed than before. "I'm curious to see this weapon in action..." Celestia said, completely intrigued as she examined the gun with more interest. "I would like to as well!" Cadance said. "It would be pretty cool..." Rainbow added. "Alright! We can all go to the magic range to see it!" Shining said with a grin. No dude... Now they're all going to watch me trai- "I also want to oversee Derrick's training..." Celestia said. Dammit Shining! "We can fly up to canterlot together!" Rainbow said to me with a nudge. Ahhh hell... I don't like being watched.... By girls... Unlike most guys who would love the attention.

"Yeah... About that..." I started to say. Suddenly all the Princess's ears perked up. "I hear somepony approaching..." Luna warned. I turned to my Unicorn form and looked around. "I don't hear anyone..." I muttered. "Me neither..." Shining said flatly. We looked over to Rainbow and she shook her head. "Trust me... Somepony is definitely approaching..." Celestia said. I looked around again, nothing. "I don't hear shit! What are y-" suddenly I heard what sounded like a large stampede or something. The Alicorns looked at me with that smug "I told you so" grin. "I'm sick of your God power shit..." I muttered grumpily, making the three Princesses giggle. Then Twilight and the gang came into view, running as fast as they could toward us... toward me in particular.

"Oooh buck..." I said as I braced myself. Then they all basically tackled me to the ground. We got all tangled into this weird mass of random limbs and heads, its...awkward and stupid looking to say the least. It got worse when I realized that my face was firmly planted inbetween someone's fucking BUTT CHEEKS. I immediately tried to pry myself free from them, but because of the way we were tangled I couldn't move. You have got to be shitting me...how do I end up in these messes?!? Then I felt Celestia's magic pull me from the pile, the others got pulled by Luna, Cadance and Shining. After everyone was free they all busted out laughing. I stood there in silent horror. Somebody in that pile was TOTALLY Cool with my face being wedged in there butt checks. I couldn't tell who because of how tightly I was stuck, and we all got snatched from the pile pretty fast, so I didn't get to see . I was also worried because someone else returned the favor in there.

"Hahaha! What's the matter Dawn? You look like you just saw a ghost!" Shining teased as he nudged my side. "Somepony touched my ass..." I whispered. Now it was Shining's turn to look horrified, he's probably dying on the inside because Twilight was one of the girls in the pile. We both sat there while the girls laughed, I still have no idea who did it because everyone was looking equally embarrassed. The girls laughter suddenly shifted into nervous laughter before eventually dying down completely.

"Are you OK Dawn?" Celestia asked. I took a deep breath and sighed.

"Y..yeah..." I said with uncertainty.

"Are you sure? You look a little-"

"Pale? I'm just...uh...a little exhausted that's all..."

"Hmm... I see... You're sweating profusely, you should really get too bed..."

"I know... And I can't bucking wait..."

"You can say that again... I haven't slept at all yet..."

"Really? Well I think you and I both need some R&R..."

"What I really need is a vacation.."

"Heh... Don't you get time off?"

"Yes on the weekends, but sometimes even that's not enough..." Celestia said with an annoyed frown.

"I can imagine... Your citizens are a handful..." I said as I peeked at Twilight and her group of six. They were talking about a sleepover or some shit. Celestia started to laugh bringing a smile to my face, I honestly love it when she laughs... And now I feel sappy as fuck. Cadance was watching us from the sideline, a ghost of a smile on her face. Seriously... What's her deal? She knows something I don't... Or she's just fucking with me... Or both...

"Speaking of my citizens..." Celestia said as her gaze landed somewhere behind me. I slowly turned to see a cluster of citizens coming toward us. They weren't rushing thankfully... Except this particular group of mares who wer- OH SHIT TAKE COVER MOTHERFUCKER!

Too late.

I got tackled by at least 5 mares simultaneously. "Oh my gosh! You're my hero!" One of them said enthusiastically. They all hugged and squeezed and kissed my cheeks. I looked over to Celestia who was snickering and mouthed the words "help me". She laughed again and shook her head. We then started having a silent conversation.

" Seriously help!"

"Nah."

"What? Why not?"

"This is just too cute!"

"Nonono! You don't understand!"

"I understand that somepony here is afraid of mares.."

"I swear I'm not!"

"Lying are we?"

"F...fuck no! It's just... Uncomfortable!"

"Uncomfortable? Most stallions would be loving every moment!"

"I'm not really a stallion remember???"

"Yes. But they don't know that..."

"I hate you so much right now..."

*giggle*

"OK seriously, help me Princess!"

*innocent whistling*

"I don't think you understand the seriousness of this situation!"

"They're just harmless mares calm down Derr-"

"One of them just grabbed my NUTS!"

"..."

I was immediately teleported out of the mass of fan girls and next to Celestia. "Alright ladies give Dawn some space... It's not 'that time' yet..." Celestia said calmly. "That time"? What the fuck does she mean? Oh fuck... mating season is coming up isn't it? It's critical to my health that I remember to prepare for that. I need to find out the details from Mac or Shining.

" I believe my sister has something to say..." Celestia said as she gestured to Luna, who was in front of the crowd. Huh? That's where she went? She kinda disappeared when Celestia and I started talking, weird huh? Everyone quieted down to listen. A guard quickly ran up to her and whispered something in her ear that made her smile. Then she cleared her throat and spoke with her Royal canterlot voice. "Citizens of Ponyville, I am proud to announce that the threat of the Ursa major and it's kin, has been dealt with, and no pony was seriously hurt!" She said happily. Bitch I was seriously hurt! The whole town errupted into a loud cheer and they stomped their hoofs loudly, I guess that's like clapping? "The Mother and it's son have been returned to the everfree where they belong, thanks to Captain Shining and the Royal Guard!" She said as she pointed to him. The crowd cheered once more and Shining took a simple bow.

"What does she mean? She killed the Ursa minor!" I whispered to Celestia. "Ursa's cannot permenatly be killed by normal means. Their bodies are made of pure magic after all. The Ursa my sister slayed ended up regenerating..." She explained. Huh....well shit!

"I would also like to that thank a very special pony for assisting my sister and I in holding the creature off... as well as saving my life..." Luna said. OK cool she's talking about Rainbow D-

"Dawning Jade!"

Goddammit Luna! I kinda forgot I kinda did save her from the Major. At that moment everyone lost their shit, cheering and stomping loudly. With all these eyes on me, my social awkwardness returned after a long absence. I found myself slowly scooting behind Celestia. At least she isn't moving away, she's just giving me this "what the hell are you doing?" Look. I hope she doesn't think I moved here to get a peek at her plot...which I didn't of course! Well...then again it's a little hard to resist... Let's just say I can see 2 beautifully plump SUNS from here. Uh... OK... Did I really think that? You know what guys? An ass is an ass... I'm just going to have to accept that....somehow....

"Unfortunately, due to the damage to multiple Ponyville homes, there are alot of you that are currently homeless..." Luna said sadly. Some of the ponies in the crowd fell silent after that. "So until the damage can be repaired and everypony is safe and sound in their houses, I will be postponing the nightmare night Celebration until further notice..." Luna said with a heavy heart. The crowd responded by going "booo!" Much to Luna's surprise. I guess they didn't like the sound of that.

" OK...perhaps it's... Delayed for just... a month?" Luna said.

"Boo!"

"OK then..... Two weeks?"

"Boo!"

"Two days?"

*loud cheering*

"OK then...it is decided! Nightmare night shall continue in two days! " Luna said excitedly, causing the crowd to cheer happily. Seeing everyone so happy honestly made me happy. Yeah you better be happy you motherfuckers!! I almost fucking died trying to save your dumbasses! I couldn't help but be kinda sad for the Ursa major, we kinda did kill it's kid... Temporarily. Regardless of what happened, I still hate that thing's fuckin guts, and I hope I never see a giant mystical bear again! Or any other powerful mystical creatures for that matter.

After a while people slowly but surely started to disperse. Luna was talking to someone I haven't seen before. She was a light brown mare with grey hair who seemed somewhat important. "Hey... who's that?" I whispered to Celestia. "That is Mayor mare..." She said.

"What? Mare mare?"

"No.. MAYOR... MARE."

"Wait seriously? She's the mayor... Who is also called mare? And...is a mare?"

"Yes... Precisely she is-"

"BWAAHAHAHA!!!!"

I started laughing so hard that my sides started to burn and I fell to the ground. Everyone looked over like WTF. Celestia tried her best to get me to stop laughing, she snatched me off the ground and covered my mouth with her hoof. My laughter still bled through loudly however, so she gave up and zapped this sound proof bubble around me. I then stopped because it started to hurt to laugh and She let me out. " Are you quite finished? That is one of my closest friends! Do not make fun of her....ironic..name.." Celestia said sternly. I sat up and held my hoofs out. "Alright! Sorry..." I said with a toothy grin. "Heh......heh heh......heh heh heh!" Celestia cocked an eyebrow as I snapped my hoofs to cover my mouth. "*sigh* what am I going to do with you..." She muttered as she shook her head.

I was about to laugh again when I noticed Cadance giving me that look again, which killed my laughter completely. Seriously what the fuck! What does she know? "It is quite late Derrick... We should be getting to bed soon..." Celestia reminded as she motioned for me to follow her. she walked up to the others, Luna and....Mayor...mayor... walked over to us as well as those 3 little girls I half saved earlier. Applejack and Rarity lit up as the girls ran into their hoofs. Woah wait a sec... I know Applebloom is Applejack's sister but what about that other girl? Damn... She looks JUST like Rarity besides the hair! Hmm... Oh shit! That's her daughter! Err wait a sec... I'm gonna say she's her sister. And then there is dash and the pegasus girl.. I wonder if their related?

"Oh I'm so glad you're ok Sweetie Belle!" Rarity said happily as she squeezed the kid. "Yeah! Thanks to that Dawn guy!" The pegasus girl said as she pointed to me. Oh god more praise? I think I'm done being Mr. Hero dude for the day... It's fucking exhausting and awkward. But sure enough Applejack and Rarity clinged to me anyways. "Oh thank you for savin mah sister!" Applejack said as she squeezed me affectionately, well...as affectionately as you can be when you're squeezing the fucking life out of someone. "Oh thank you Mr.Jade! My sister means the world to me!" Rarity said as she pressed her cheek against mine. All I could utter was a choked grunt. Thankfully Celestia teleported me next to her again so I could catch my god damn breath.

"If I... get hugged... by another mare... my body.... is going to give up on life..." I muttered as I layed flat on my back, struggling to breath. "It's a pleasure to meet you in person Dawning Jade! I am Mayor mare!" mare said... Wait... Should I call her mare... or.. mayor.... Or both? Dammit, fuck this shit! Her name is M&M from now on... Fuck I want chocolate now...

"Yeah... hi...sorry uh...just give me a second... *huff* *huff* nice to greet you.. And stuff..." I muttered incoherently. M&M giggled and shook her head "Oh it is quite alright Mr.Jade I understand it must have been difficult trying to keep up with the Princesses..." She said kindly. "Yeah... Difficult is an understatement..." I said as I shot Celestia and Luna an angry look and they snickered behind their hoofs. Fucking Alicorns...
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut our little meeting short... I'm a bit...*Yawn* Tired. Hopefully we can properly meet some other time." M&M said. "Yeah...I think I'm seriously done for the day... I can literally hear my muscles screaming..." I said with a weak chuckle, getting a few laughs. I grunted as I tried to get on my hoofs to no avail. I grumbled and snorted angrily, being tired sucks dick. "Uh... Can somepony help me up?" I asked sheepishly. Celestia held out her hoof and helped me up. She lifted me so easily that I almost went flying into the air. Now on my feet...hoofs.... Again I decided to say my goodnights because fuck y'all I'm out!

"Alright... I'll see everypony tomorrow or something... I'm going to go collapse on a couch now..." I said with a wave. Everyone exchanged various goodnights and hugs, much to my annoyance. Then Twilight, Spike and I headed back to her house. "Well my cover got partially blown today..." I said with a nervous smile. "Really? How?" Spike asked worriedly. "Rainbow caught me transforming...she knows who I really am..." I said grimly. Twilight cringed and shook her head. "That could be a problem..." Twilight said sheepishly. "Really? Is she going to scream it to the world?" I ask, dreading what could come. "Well not exactly... It's just... Sometimes words... Slip from her mouth that she should probably keep to herself..." Twilight explained. "Well shit... I'm going to be screwed! We told her to keep her mouth shut!" I said with annoyance. "She is usually pretty good at keeping her word...just...don't be surprised if her word slips... That's all..."she said as we reached the house. She opened the door and we walked in, and I practicly dove onto the couch. With a loud sigh I relaxed and sunk into it with a silly smile. Damn I feel better already!

" Anypony want a midnight snack?" Spike asked as he slid into the kitchen. I was about to say nah, but as if a fucking switch was flipped my, hunger knew no fucking bounds. Holy shit... Did I eat today? I had breakfast but after that I kinda got chased by Dash... Then found out some odd things in canterlot...then came back... Then I got my ass kicked... Yup I didn't eat shit. "Yeah I'm freakin starving! What do you have?" I asked as I sat up on the couch. "Uh... I could wip up a salad if you want.." Spike said as he rummeged through the fridge. "Yeah that sounds tasty... Do you have like a huge bowl?" I ask as I licked my lips. "One sec..." Spike said as I heard him go through some drawers and cabinets. He then came out of the kitchen lugging a bowl that was bigger then my head. "Yeah that's perfect! I haven't eaten since morning!" I said with a chuckle. Spike smirked and walked back into the kitchen and started making the salad. "Oh don't put any hay in it please.. I'm gonna eat it as a human!" I said as I transformed back into my human form, maybe all my weirdness around mares stemmed from being a pony for too long. "Gotcha!" Spike acknowledged from the Kitchen. I relaxed again on the large couch and Twilight walked over to me.

"Well I'm going to hit the hay...Good night Derrick..." She said as she leaned forward to nuzzle me. I moved my hand to block her and sighed. "Yeah... Chill out with that shit..." I said with a sheepish grin. Twilight huffed and moved back. "Night Twi!" I said as she turned and started to walk up the stairs. She stopped somewhere at the top and quickly ran back down. "I almost forgot!" Me and the girls are having a sleepover tomorrow!" She said with a smile. I rolled my eyes and sighed in annoyance bringing a hand to me face. Dammit! That's going to be some annoying shit! Unless... "Does that mean you want me gone tomorrow night?" I ask with a cocked brow. Twilight's eyes widened and she almost looked... Offended? "No! That's not what I ment at all! Infact we WANT you to come!" She practically yelled. She then looked embarrassed as she quickly covered her mouth. Hmm.. A slumber party... With girls... What do girls even do a at slumber parties? Gossip? Pillow fights? Makeup? Spin the bottle? Compare boobies? (pretty sure Equestrians don't have those...then again I haven't gone out of my way to LOOK for them) Talk about...Boys? Yeah I don't fucking know, but that's a fucking orgy waiting to happen, especially considering how the girls act toward me.

"Hmm... I don't know Twilight... 6 girls... One guy..." I said with a nervous smile. Twilight didn't seem to get what I was trying to hint at "Two guys. Spike would be there!" Twilight said. "Hahaha....nope!" I heard Spike say from the kitchen. "See? I might stay here but I'm going to stay upstairs or something..." I muttered. "Well...just think about it...I can't force you..." Twilight said with disappointment as she slowly walked up the stairs looking slightly sad. Hmm... I wonder why she got so upset? After about a minute Spike came back out with a small bowl for him and a large bowl for me. "Thanks bro!" I said as I happily took the salad. "I don't know what you like in your salad, so I kept it basic..." Spike said with a little worry. "No dude it's cool! I'm too hungry to care anyways. Goodnight!" I said as I pat his back. "Goodnight!" He said as he walked upstairs leaving me downstairs in this... Dark... empty... Silent.... Room... Huh...I'm going to eat on that sweet ass balcony instead.

I made my way up there somehow and looked up to the sky, it's a bit chilly outside but I'll manage. The air went right through that hole caused by Luna's Swords, I have to get this shit fixed somehow... I'm worried that it will involve telling Rarity my True identity. I leaned against the balcony Railing and just sat there eating. Damn...I can't believe I'm living in a world full of Talking Technicolor Ponies... It hasn't quite sunk in yet. I wonder how long it will take before that WTF feeling wears of... Because I still feel far out of place. I'm worried about my dirty mind a little bit... I've been here less than a week and I'm already... Looking at pony ass! It probably has something to do with my pony forms... Perhaps its just the natural hormones taking over when I'm a stallion. I guess I'll just stay a human for as long as possible... It seems like the only way to stop thinking about it...kinda.... Those suns though...and those moons...I don't even know which I like better...Solar ass or Lunar Ass! They're both so wonderfully plump... Especially Luna's! Celestia's looks a bit more firm...hmm...I wonder what it feels like...I bet its....

...

FOR FUCK'S SAKE! THERE I GO AGAIN!!! My Pony forms are corrupting me! Fuck thinking for now just... fuck it! let's just focus on this big ass bowl of salad! I'm honestly worried that one day I'll crave meat again. I guess the worse case scenario would be me conjuring up some bacon when nobody's looking... Mmmm....bacon... I need that shit in my life... No no no! Focus! I don't need it...I don't need it.... I DONT FUCKING NEED IT! Dang... I feel like Spongebob now. Oh my gosh... How did I go from thinking about Jiggly ass, to Spongebob? Wait what the fuck!?! I'm so discombobulated!

"Shut the hell up brain..." I muttered aloud too myself, As I Chewed on the Salad. I was about halfway done when I felt a strong magical Power Approaching. Is that who I think it is? Before I could formulate another thought, Princess Celestia swooped in and Landed behind me on the balcony. The windforcre from her wings hit my Salad bowl and it tumbled over the edge of the balcony. "Fuck!" I uttered as I watched it fall and splatter all over the floor several feet below. Then I kicked myself for not remembering I could have caught that with magic. Celestia came and looked over the edge with me. She cringed and looked at me. I have the most deadpan, blank, goldfish expression on right now.

"Heh...sorry..."

"*sigh* Oh it's cool...its not like I was...eating that shit or anything..." I muttered blankly.

"Want me to clean it up?"

"Nah. Don't worry about it..." I said as I shook my head, part of me was glad the salad got knocked over because I was about to conjure up some bacon for my salad, as silly as that sounds. She stepped away from the balcony and I turned around to face her. Nothing was different about her besides the fact she wasn't wearing her royal stuff... For...whatever reason. I folded my arms and cocked an eyebrow.

"Sup"

"Hello..."

"So...um...what brings you here Princess?" I ask curiously. She doesn't seem particularly sad about something, nore does she seem angry. Her expression is pretty neutral for the most part.

"What? I'm not allowed to visit you?" She retorted.

"Not when you make such a dramatic entrance, that my salad took a dive.." I joked.

"I suppose you could hold the bowl a wee bit tighter next time..."

"Whatever you say Princess..."

"Oh please Derrick just call me Tia, this isn't a formal visit after all..." She said with a giggle. OK... that's new. Wait no it's not, I heard Luna call her that once. Funny... I wonder why she wants me to call her that? I've always called her by her formal title for the most part.

"OK then...uh..Tia... What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you. You weren't sleeping so I wanted to make sure you were alright before I return to Canterlot." She said. My eyes slowly widened.What the fuck?

"Uh...how did you know I wasn't-"

"My sister told me she couldn't sense you dreaming yet, so I assumed something was wrong... since you claimed you were going to pass out on the couch..." She said with a smirk. OK... less creepy... I guess... I'm still creeped that Luna knows when I'm sleeping like Santa.

"I appreciate the concern, but I'm just fine... I was going to pass out after I ate...I guess..." I said with a shrug. Celestia giggled and I shook my head.

"I also came to tell you how proud I am for what you did today." She said with a warm smile as she put her hoof on my shoulder. That caught me a bit off guard. "You put others before yourself and stood up against impossible odds to protect my citizens. You are a Hero Derrick, and I thank you for what you did today..." Celestia said kindly. Now I'm guessing this is the part were I'm supposed to beam proudly or something, like I won a fucking medal, but honestly it made me feel...forlorn. I slowly moved away from her and stared out at the town. Celestia seemed puzzled and she came to my side again.

"What's the matter? Why do you look so... melancholy?" She asked as she pressed against me. Her warmth comforted me somewhat, but I still stood there feeling kinda bad. I sat there silently. "Come now Derrick... Talk to me..." She said softly, as she gently nuzzled my cheek. I looked down and heaved a heavy sigh.

"It's kinda stupid really.." I said with a shake of my head. Celestia urged me to continue anyway. "Its hard to explain... I just don't feel...right anymore...I don't feel-" I said trailing off. "Like yourself?" Celestia finished for me. "Yes... That's exactly it... I don't." I said with a nod. " Why do you think that is?" Celestia questioned. "Well... For starters... This hero thing... That simply isn't me! Back on my world I was kind of an jerk. I don't think I would ever risk my life for random strangers." I said with a shrug. Celestia seemed slightly saddened by that. "You wouldn't consider yourself a hero on your world, but now you are one. What's wrong with that?" She asked. "Nothing's wrong with it... Its just... I haven't even been in this place for a week and I'm already doing things I would normally never consider..." I muttered. "So you wouldn't save somepony in need?" Celestia questioned. "Well yeah... I wasn't THAT cold hearted! I may have been a prick, but my massive guilt wouldn't allow me to stand there and watch someone die in front of me, knowing I could have saved them. The guilt alone would have killed me." I said.

"I was a bitter and antisocial person back home, who kept to himself for the most part. Now I'm suddenly diving In front of danger for people...er ponies I don't even know." I stated with a slight shudder. "I see.. You're worried that you are changing too quickly, regardless of whether the changes are good..." Celestia reasoned. "Yeah pretty much... Being really good all of a sudden is strange for me... And then there are my pony forms..." I muttered with a shake of my head. "What's wrong with them?" Celestia asked. "Not much... physically at least... I got over the 'no hands, four legs' thing pretty fast, and flying is really awesome! But I'm worried about what's happening... Mentally." I said as I nervously played with my hands. "Hmm... Do you think your pony forms are affecting your personality?" She asked. "Maybe... That could be why I'm this 'Hero' guy all of a sudden. But that's not what I meant..." I said sheepishly. "Please elaborate..." She urged

"Recently I've started having... Thoughts..."

"Really? Just recently? I would be worried if you didn't have thoughs..." Celestia said sarcastically.

"Yeah yeah laugh it up! They're a particular kind of thought..."

"What 'kind' of thoughts?"

"Oh...the um...'naughty' kind"

"Oh...I see..."

"Yeah..."

"Well... All I can tell you is that those types of thoughts are quite normal for any stallion... Unless of course... They're centered around a certain mare, then it becomes quite different.." Celestia explained. I'm a bit surprised she can talk about something like this without even flinching. I guess that's how you become after being alive for more than 1000 years. Although I have seen her blushing from time to time.

"N...no! They're not centered on a certain girl, they're about all of them!" I blurted.

"All of them?"

"Uh... I mean...they can be... I guess... Ugh this is fucking awkward!"

"It's only as awkward as you make it Derrick..."

"That's the issue with me... I am very awkward... Especially around girls..."

"Afraid of mares?"

"W...what? No!"

"Hmm...I suppose you're correct... Because you're talking to one right now..."

"Yeah...don't remind me..."

"So if I've heard this correctly... You are worried that your stallion self is interested in mares, while your human self doesn't agree?"

"Yeah... And I'm worried that if I stay a pony too long, my human half will... be persuaded..." I lied like fuck just now. I was debating which royal ass I liked better in my human form earlier, I think that already happened.

"Well I'm not sure what to tell you there... I still think you should just give mares a chance..." Celestia said with a smirk.

"Heh... I'm not the dating type..." I muttered.

"Oh really? Have you been on one before?"

"A couple...you?"

"Quite a few when I was young and naive, but that was thousands of years ago..." She said with a giggle.

"Sheesh...did they...go well?"

"For the most part? No. I was...different as a young mare... Quite mischievous..." Celestia said with a pause. She looked like she was having a flash back of a specific disaster.

"Heh... I can imagine..." I said with a smirk. Celestia cocked an eyebrow at me.

"How did your dates tend to go?" She asked.

"Well...not the best..." I said with a chuckle.

"Really?" She said sarcastically.

"Consider yourself lucky... I've told you more about myself so far, than any of my other dates...combined..." I said with a deadpan expression.

"That bad huh?" Celestia said with a smug grin.

"Yeah..."

"Well I suppose we are in the same boat as far as dating success."

"Yeah...somehow..." I muttered.

We fell silent after that, both of us looking in different directions. Then I had this super deep Yawn, which made Celestia giggle.

"You can not function endlessly without rest Derrick..."

"What about you? Don't you need to sleep too? You have to get up with the sun and stuff...well you have to MAKE the sun get up...literally.." I said with a raised brow.

"Oh, I'll be fine Derrick this isn't exactly the first time I've ever stayed up late..." She said with a smirk.

"Whatever you say..." I said with a shrug as I looked over the balcony at the ruined salad.

"Dammit... I'm still hungry..." I said with a chuckle. Celestia looked down, probably feeling guilty. I powered up my magic and rubbed my chin.

" I feel like having cake.." I muttered as I made a Chocolate Double Decker cake appear on a plate in my hands. I carefully placed the cake on a nearby stool I dragged over, and marveled at my work. I don't like the idea of summoning food alot, because if I let myself do it too much, I'd end up with diabetes or out of shape within a week. This time was an exception, since my body demands sustenance!

"Well...there's no way I can eat all of this alone, you want some?" I asked. Celestia seemed to perk up once she saw the cake, but she quickly calmed down. "Oh... No thanks... I couldn't..." Celestia answered. "Really are you sure? You seemed a bit...excited there for a second..." I said with a smug grin. Celestia attempted to look uninterested but I already caught on. "Really... I'm quite alright Derrick..." She said with a shake of her head. Bitch I know you want some fucking cake.

"Aww... That's a shame... This Delicious Chocolate Cake will go to waste..." I said as I used my magic to cut a piece off. Damn I don't know whether to love or hate magic right now. This cake smells fucking delicious! I could see a drop of sweat run down Celestia's brow... But she remaind calm and in control. I took a bite and holy FUCK was it good! It has nothing on anything Pinkie can wip up though. I cut another piece and walked over to Celestia.

"You're really missing out... There's plenty of cake here if you change your mind..." I said as I brought the cake closer to her. She averted her gaze and gulped. You know you want this shit! I saw her nose wrinkle slightly as the chocolate aroma flooded her senses, She then turned back and gave me a stern look.

"I will not!" She said as she pushed the slice away.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm on a diet!"

Wow... did she really just say that?

"You? Diet? Hahahaha!" I said as I busted out laughing. Celestia didn't look pleased. "Are you trying to imply something about my figure?" She said with narrowed eyes. Oh fuck I pushed a button just now didn't I? Unfortunately I couldn't contain myself... Someone as slender as Celestia on a diet? LOL! I tried my hardest to cover my mouth but it was just too funny. Celestia looked like she was about to take off or something, but I stopped her by grabbing her leg. "Hey! Wait a sec!" I said as she slowly closed her wings. She looked less than thrilled to hear what I have to say. That frown gives me chills!

"Celestia trust me, you don't need to be on a diet...like at all.." I said with a serious expression. She seemed to calm down somewhat, but she still looked agitated. "Your figure is fucking perfect! Even angel like! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" I said sternly. Her beautiful magneta orbs softened, and that amazing smile of hers returned. I realized we were kinda close... Like a little TOO close. So I let go of her forehoof and leaned on the balcony with my hands on the railing. Celestia giggled and trotted over to me. I tried to occupy my thoughts with something else, so I looked over nightime Ponyville. It was peaceful for the most part, besides a few totaled houses on the outskirts.... And fires... OK this isn't working.

Celestia suddenly leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I'm not REALLY on a diet by the way..." She whispered into my ear with a giggle. My eyes widened and my cheeks turned red hot. "Thanks for the complement though..." She added with a wink. I sat there and stared at her, completely dumbfounded. I should have fucking known, Celestia would never be that self conscious of her body! She's had over a 1000 years to dismiss such things! And I just spouted all that motivational shit about her perfect curves too!

I've been trolled.

Now I'm feeling a lot more awkward and nervous than before. "Uh...I...uh..." I stammered. Celestia just laughed again and I frowned at her. "No cake for you!" I muttered, then I looked back at where the cake was and realized nothing was left of it but crumbs. I ran over to it and picked up the plate. "What the fuck? Where's the-" I could see Celestia chewing on something in the background. "-cake..." I said as my shoulders sagged.

I just got trolled...AGAIN!

"Fucking Alicorns..." I muttered as I grumpily tossed the empty plate onto the stool again. I walked up to Celestia and shook my head.

"You know you could have just asked for the fucking cake..."

"Yes, but this was more fun!"

" Yeah...for you..."

"You did tell me to eat some..."

"That's a bigass some... Seemed like the whole damn cake to me."

" You must be seeing things then...you should get some rest."

"Goddammit Celie!" I blurted. i facepalmed so hard that I could have cracked my fucking skull. "Well at least I still have these..." I said as I tried to motion the two floating slices of cake to me. Only to realize they weren't on this plane of existence anymore.

"No...fucking...way..." I breathed. "They...were in my fucking... Magic...h..how.. Did you get them? I can't even...." I said with a Deadpan stare. My shoulders slumped once again and I sighed heavily.

Trolled... Thrice....

I just sat there blankly and Celestia came over to me and nuzzled my cheek. "Don't feel bad DJ... it was just a bit of fun!" She said with a warm smile. "I could conjure another Cake up if I wanted. I don't care anymore..." I muttered as I walked over to the edge and leaned on the railing again. "Oh? Something else on your mind?" She asked curiously as she walked next to me. "Yeah, Twilight wants me to go to this slumber party with her friends..." I muttered with a shake of my head. "A sleep over? It sounds like good fun! What's the issue?" She asked. "Well...the issue it that everyone there is a girl..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia gave me a deadpan expression, which I'm not used to seeing from her.

"Seriously?" She muttered, making me feel somewhat immature. "Me...the only...guy...and six girls... Alone..." I said as I made a light motion with my hands. It took her 2 seconds to realize what I was talking about. "Oh...I see now..." She said with a giggle. "I don't think you have much to worry about, I was present at one of their slumber parties..." She said with a shake of her head. "Yeah... No kidding... They wouldn't dare act up around you.." I said with a scoff. Celestia raised her hoof to say something but stopped short. "Good point.." She admitted. "Yeah long story short, I'm not going to that shit..." I stated firmly. "I see... I still believe you have nothing to worry about. It's not that time yet..." She said confidently. "That time? Oh shit... I keep forgetting..." I said as cringed. "Worried about... The season?" She asked with a smug grin. "Hell yes I'm worried about the season!" I blurted. "The effects of the season won't be noticeable for some time... You'll be fine tomorrow..." Celestia assured. "Well... I guess so..." I said with a shrug. "Even if they don't try to fuck me, I'm still not keen on hanging out with them..." I muttered. Celestia seemed slightly disappointed. "The Elements of Harmony are a joy to be around...you may not be fond of them now, but they can truly become good friends if you give them a chance." Celestia said. I averted my eyes and frowned, much to Celestia's dismay. "Just give them a chance DJ... If you don't like where things go then I doubt even the Mating season would make them devious enough to prevent you from leaving." She said with a laugh. "You can come by the castle tomorrow if you like..." She offered kindly. "Alright Celie... I'll think about it.." I said as I stretched my arms.

"Celie?"

"Yeah Celie! What? you don't like it?"

"I do... But it's a bit... Strange..."

"Why?"

"Nopony calls me that..."

"But remember Celie...I'm not a pony..." I said with a smug grin. Her musical laughter blessed my ears once again making me laugh with her. You know what? Celestia Is a pretty chill mare. It's pretty fun hanging out with her.

"Well... I suppose it's quite late now... I should be going..." She said with a sigh. "Thanks for checking on me and all..." I said with a chuckle. "You're welcome Derrick! As I said before, feel free to stop by the castle anytime..." She said with a warm smile. "Yeah... Then I can trick you out of your cake..." I said with a smug grin that she returned. "I highly doubt that... But you may try..." Celestia said confidently as she stretched her wings. Before she took off she nuzzled my check again. Dammit! Someone high up is mashing the "make it awkward" button. Well fuck you someone high up!

"Ahem...uh... Goodnight Celie..."

"Goodnight DJ. Rest well." She said as she took off into the air again. As she got further away I began to feel colder. She must really posses some innate warmth from the sun, or maybe I was so distracted I failed to notice how cold it is. Alright I seriously need to hit the sack or I'm going to die. As I walked down the stairs I figured I may as well give Twilight and her friends a shot. Maybe they're as cool as Celie? They can't be that bad right? I'll give them a chance. I think I'll be visiting the castle tomorrow regardless though. Hopefully Luna doesn't carry out her threat. I plopped on to the couch and finally relaxed. Ahh... Im so relaxed right now... Time to get some good rest...

...

"Goddammit, I still have to clean up that fucking salad..." I muttered aloud angrily.

Author's Notes:

Notes: hey people's! Not sure what to say... A lot of back in forth dialogue in this chapter than I'm used to. hopefully it didn't drag on too long, and I hope you all got a decent laugh! Because I sure did! I love making Derrick's life awkward...

What do y'all think will happen at the sleepover? (If Derrick even goes)

What do y'all think of the "romantic" tensions between Derrick and the Princess? (I'm still terrible at romance)

How do you think shield training will go? Oops I mean... "Pussy bubble" training...?

Tells me in the Reviews/Comments/PM's!

Peace!