Author's Notes:

The Usual Disclaimer:

The following is a work of parody, and is protected as Fair Use under section 17 U.S. Code § 107 of US Copyright Law. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all affiliated characters are property of Hasbro Inc.

I own nothing. All characters, settings and other belong to their respective owners. This is purely a fan-work with no intent towards profit, slander or harm towards the characters, settings or other, or their respective owners. If the respective owners feel that this fan-work in any way, shape or form threatens or besmirches their property, please let me know so that it be can be removed asap.

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A clopless chapter! BOO! HISS! BURN THE HERETIC! Thank our Lady Faust, we've passed the storm of sexual weirdness for at least a little while!

... God, I'm tired. I wrote this in one sitting after being awake for 30-odd hours. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh *falls over and starts snoring and drooling onto his keyboard*

CHAPTER 46

Dawn came, a little later than usual but a minute here or there was expected after such a monumental battle such as what Ponyville had endured, and Canterlot buzzed as Ponies talked about the events of the other day as the sun rose above the horizon, slowly creeping across the sky and bathing the world and all life on Equuis with warm, life-giving golden rays.

In the coffee-shops and back-rooms of businesses, news of Celestia and her Royal Guard fighting a Demon-Pony in a little Podunk town now considered the stomping grounds of the country’s latest Goddess flittered between Ponies, the story growing more and more outlandish with each retelling.

Radio-Jocks seeking higher ratings ranted about the ‘brutality’ against Earth Ponies by the Unicorn Royal Guards, and soon found themselves inundated with outraged call-ins on the public radio stations about how those same Earth Ponies had refused to obey a Royal Edict to flee the battle by scores of Ponyville inhabitants, who were in turn called ‘sheep’ and royal apologists by the same radio-hosts in desperate attempts to defend themselves and their jobs.

The return of Sunset Shimmer, a Pony long since considered either dead or missing by most of Canterlot, a known Unicorn supremacist and arrogant sorcerer, as a Demon-Pony that had been tentatively identified as a Succuponi by Princess Twilight Sparkle and Princess Luna, had caused a plethora of self-appointed ‘experts’ on the field of demonology to clog the air-waves and pages of newspapers with conflicting accounts of their abilities.

This in turn caused a short-lived frenzy of Ponies buying gold in bulk to ward their homes with before an actual expert managed to get ahold of several radio and television stations and passed on the information that gold only neutralized the power of a Fiend when the Fiend wore the metal and was not a charm against the powers of Tartarus. News that came too late to prevent an abnormal hike in gold-prices on the stock-market that would take weeks to stabilize within the economy, considering that the jewellers and money-lenders who had sold the gold were refusing to buy it back except at exorbitant mark-ups, which in turn left hundreds of her citizens with a mountain of gold that was worth a fortune, but that they could not actually use due to long-standing laws against the use of unminted gold as a form of currency.

It was enough to make Celestia just want to take off with Discord to some secluded beach and drink something fruity and alcoholic out of a coconut until her Ponies forgot she even existed. Or until she figured out a way to rule fairly and justly without half the population apparently deciding that meant she was asking them to abuse her good intentions for personal agendas or to swindle their fellow Ponies.

Thank Faust and the Powers that nopony saw the Changelings. Celestia sighed heartily as she turned to stare at the report from the Royal Physician, a rather skinny algae-green Unicorn stallion called Bedside Manner, and reminded herself rather firmly that she needed a clear mind to make sense of this particularly corundum, and that would preclude nipping down to the Royal Distillery for a bottle of vodka or nine.

Deep-tissue scans of the Changeling Queen, and then her fellow Changelings for comparison, had raised more questions than they had delivered answers. With the aid of the unflappable Candy Apple, yet another member of the ever-present Apple-Clan, keeping Queen Chrysalis in-line and docile, several samples had been procured from the Changelings for comparison. At the urgings of Bleak Mountain himself, all of the strange Pony-like bug-creatures had been scanned, probed, needled, squeezed and prodded by Bedside Manner and a battery of Third and Fourth Circle Magi, profoundly irritating the bug-like Ponies, or Pony-like bugs, in the process as the leader of the Magi abused the situation vigorously with his usual cold efficiency and hunger for knowledge.

The only Changelings who had avoided the barrage of tests had been the three foals, as much from Candy Apple’s quiet promise of ruthless vengeance if so much as a cross look was so much as directed at the three adorable foals as Celestia being unwilling to expose innocent lives to such trauma and ordering Bleak Mountain and Bedside Manner to leave them alone.

And according to the report … Changelings shared a ridiculous amount of physical similarities with Ponies. A disturbing amount of similarities, really, for a species that apparently had been created across the inhospitable Badlands by some unknown individual that Chrysalis had only referred to as The Empress.

The way the Drones’ bodies were laid out was almost identical to that of a normal Pony, including the hollowed bones of a Pegasi and the keratin- and nerve-rich horns of Unicorn, with small alterations to the muscles in the torso that allowed the use of their insectile wings, and skin that shared a frightening amount of similarities with the skin of several species of octopus over the top of the thin, segmented, light-weight carpace they all seemed to possess, allowing them their ability to change their colouration and small alterations to their natural shape, which combined with their magical abilities, made them perfect infiltrators.

Unless there was a properly aligned detection rune or a Magi actively scanning for their energy signature nearby, once the tell-tale flash of green Changeling ‘fire’ had swept over their bodies, a Changeling was all but indistinguishable from a Pony.

Queen Chrysalis herself posed an entirely different problem, however, as Candy Apple’s prognosis proved to be accurate: Many of Chrysalis’s internal organs showed heavy bruising, and judging from their positions, had been knocked loose from their internal moorings during her battles with Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor and Cadence, their new, jumbled positions only causing more health-issues to the battered Changeling Queen.

What made things even more difficult and disturbing is that Chrysalis had more organs than she needed, including an atrophied-but-functional uterus that shared an entrance with a truly insectile organ that apparently was her ‘primary’ reproductive organ and an equally underdeveloped digestive tract squashed under a gigantic, multi-chambered organ that both Bleak Mountain and Bedside Manner tentatively identified as some sort of organic magical ‘stomach’ of some kind that took the transmuted emotional energy that Changelings ‘harvested’ and turned it into everything a Changeling could need to continue to live, as well as other strange ‘doubled’ sets of mismatched, alien organs.

“Well, this report promises that Chrysalis isn’t going to keel over anytime in the next month or so, so long as we keep her warm, fed and secure.” Captain Rosebush muttered darkly, sharing Celestia’s distaste for the report, but for no-doubt different reasons. “But it also says that she’s going to need to go under the knife to ‘fix’ the damage to her internal organs and re-anchor them so she’s not spending every day bleeding out internally and burning all of her stolen love energy just to regenerate the damage. So our trial either needs to happen now, and we have her fixed up afterwards, regardless of if the trial decides if she’s safe to keep within Equestria’s borders or you banish her to the moon, or we risk trying to heal her now and have a fully-restored Changeling Queen on display when this goes to the Royal Court.”

“I just finished explaining that, Captain Rosebush. And you know this is going to turn into a three-ring circus once the media hears about this.” Bedside Manner added, flinching slightly as Rosebush gave him a sour look. “Personally, I would recommend holding the trial first, getting it over with and then tending to the Changeling Queen. The longer we leave her injuries untreated the greater the risk she’s going to suffer a stroke at the very least from all that blood pooling in her torso, especially if she becomes stressed or incurs any more injuries.”

“I would have thought you would recommend treating her now, rather than leaving her injured, doctor.” The Solar Monarch turned her attention to her physician, who bowed slightly as his eyes met hers and then glued themselves to the lush carpet on the floor.

“I am sworn to do no harm, your majesty. And as much as it pains me to leave anypony, or anything for that matter, in physical distress, consider that the public may be less inclined to form a mob and launch an assault on the castle if we have to wheel the Changeling Queen into the court on a stretcher, obviously badly injured and with no chance of doing harm to anypony. Playing up the fact the Changelings are now passive and utterly defeated could completely avert a riot within the city, prevent injuries amongst the general populace and help portray you and your Royal Guards as merciful and gentle defenders, rather than specist bullies like the public media is trying so very hard to force into the public mind today.”

Celestia gave her physician an appraising gaze, while Rosebush huffed and looked away in annoyance. “Truly, Bedside, I think I might be keeping you from your true calling. The PR Department could use a Pony like you.”

“I thank you, your Radiance, but I prefer to heal lives, not soothe the fragile tempers of your fickle subjects.” The doctor said softly, refusing to meet Celestia’s eyes. “At the same point, I would heartily recommend the trial is kept closed to the public, even if reporters are allowed in. Undue stress, or a single blow to the Queen in her weakened state could force our hooves. If her body is put under any further pressure, the delicate balance she enjoys now could fail irrevocably, and this is an alien species I am dealing with here.”

“Even with the aid of Bleak Mountain and the best doctors in Equestria, I can only tentatively promise the Changeling Queen’s survival. If we’re forced to operate in a hurry, however, all bets are off. Additionally, we have no idea how Changeling biology will react to medication and medical spells designed for Ponies, so there is a very high chance we might end up killing the Queen on the operating table due to an allergic reaction or complications post-operation that would be easily avoided if we were dealing with a normal Pon.”

Celestia nodded, resisting the urge to sigh again, and turned to Rosebush, who fluffed up visibly as her Princess’s gaze focused on her.

“And Princess Cadence and Royal Consort Shining Armor? What is their estimated time of arrival?”

“Majesty, they are roughly thirty-three hours out after a stop-over at a changing station, after their original locomotive suffered engine troubles, and assuming they keep their current speed and heading, they should arrive sometime in the afternoon, the day after tomorrow.” Rosebush said smoothly, quickly flicking her eyes down over a sheaf of papers held in one hoof. “Our shortage of Dragon’s Fire has limited our contact with them to telegraphs alone, but Shining Armor has passed on the information that both he and Princess Cadence intend to petition you to oust the Changelings immediately upon their arrival.”

“Did you not pass on the information that Chrysalis bears news of a potentially hostile nation on the other side of the Badlands?” Celestia asked as Bedside Manner began to gather up his bizarre report from the table and reassemble them into the overstressed manilla folder, the Solar Monarch trying to not feel sick as her eyes caught a picture of Chrysalis’s internal injuries, captured by spell and transposed onto a large sheet of glossy paper in grotesque accuracy.

“We’ve left the message at their next planned stop-over, your Majesty, but … well, we’ve all read the file on Princess Cadence’s issues with Changelings after the wedding. It would take a miracle for her to be willing to be in the same room with a single Changeling Drone, let alone consider peaceful relations with their Queen after the mental trauma she has endured. If you ask me, I don’t think she should be anywhere near the Changeling Queen without a anti-magic shackle slapped on her horn.” Rosebush muttered the last words, almost as if to herself. “Not that I blame her. Filthy green cockroach laying her hooves all over Shining …”

“I will handle Cadence, Faust knows I had to do enough of that during her ‘phases’ during puberty.” The Solar Monarch rolled her eyes, earning a chuckle from Bedside Manner and a sharp look from Rosebush at both of them. “Shining Armor I will trust to act with the restraint and honor of a Guardspony, but Cadence has always been rather emotional when it comes to issues of trust, especially given her … history. The part that concerns me more is having her and Shining Armor on the witness stand and giving their testimonies to the court. Cadence has tremendous pull with the Ponies of Equestria, and I shudder to think of the damage she could do if she urges my little Ponies to rash action because of her hatred for Chrysalis.”

“We could delay the broadcast by five minutes or so, that will give us enough time to edit on the fly if we have an … issue during the proceedings.” The Captain of the Royal Guard offered, scratching at her chin in thought with a forehoof.

“That might work, but consider there is significant pressure from the Nobility to paint Princess Celestia and the Thrones in general as manipulative despots.” Bedside Manner pointed out, flinching again as Rosebush glared at him for offering a counter-proposal. “A direct, unedited feed from the courtroom would do wonders for proving we are hiding nothing from the public, which will undercut the Nobility’s claims in the public eye.”

“Unless Chrysalis does or says something wrong. Or Cadence does. Or somepony slips a bomb in on one of the reporters and …” Rosebush snapped back before Celestia slammed a hoof on the ground, making both Ponies jump in place and shoot her startled looks.

“I will decide how the trial of the Changelings will proceed, once I am aware of Cadence’s and Shining Armor’s intentions. Which I will ask them directly once they enter Canterlot.” Celestia said, loudly and firmly, as the two very different Ponies bowed to her, immediately contrite. “Given that this trial will have a monumental effect on the future of Equestria and the Crystal Empire, coupled with all the other issues the Crown is dealing with at the moment, it will likely take the better part of a week before the Royal Lawyers can prepare for the trial … which leads me to a very unpalatable decision.”

“Oh no …” Rosebush groaned, wings drooping as she took a guess to what Princess Celestia was talking about.

“Unfortunately, Captain Rosebush, we are going to have to put our attempts to drag Bluebone to justice on hold, again, until the Changeling Trial can be concluded. He will be officially barred from leaving the country until his turn at the stand comes, but at least we can still keep his assets under lock and key until then.” Mane and tail rippling with their own private wind, Celestia fixed a stern look on Rosebush as she spoke. “Take the opportunity to liase with Night Light and Thunderwing, and do everything in your power to hunt down this mysterious Pony who hired the mercenaries to kidnap Twilight’s father. I want everypony, everybeing, who was involved in this disaster brought into the light, no matter whose hooves you have to tread on. I will handle any backlash you receive, and take full responsibility, but I want this ‘middle pony’ and whoever is assisting them to answer for these crimes.”

“Somepony organized a kidnapping of a Pony, in my city. They hired mercenaries who felt absolutely no fear of assaulting my Royal Guards. They then attempted to use forbidden magic to kill those same mercenaries in one of the most heavily warded areas of my castle.” Celestia felt the colors in her mane turning more orange and red, the temperature in the room rising dramatically as she spoke, but for the first time in millennia, she didn’t panic that her control was slipping, indeed she felt somehow … liberated as she felt the heat of the sun inside her flare up alongside her anger and outrage, allowed the barest trace of her real power to seep out past the heavy barriers she had built up day after day for just under five thousand years. Only the look of absolute terror on the faces of her two little Ponies and the smell of ozone made Celestia reel in her full power, her mane returning to its normal three shades and her face smoothing into its usual pleasant mask. “Whatever resources you require will be made available. Whatever Ponies need to be brought in to get results will be made available. I want this mysterious ‘middle-pony’ found, Captain Rosebush, and I want them alive.”

“Majesty!” Captain Rosebush snapped to attention and saluted crisply, a remarkable feat considering how pale her face had gotten and the way her wings trembled, and Bedside Manner just bowed until his muzzle nearly kissed the floor, both Ponies scrambling for the door with as much dignity as they could muster.

Control, Celestia. Control, control, always you must be in control. The Solar Monarch berated herself, sealing her true power tightly behind fortifications both mental and mystical, forcing down the energy of the sun like it was a coiled spring deep in the core of her being until she could barely stand the strain. You remember what happened the last time you unleashed your power without the regalia! You swore an oath to the Primarch, you swore an oath in blood to not allow it to happen again, and just this much stress almost caused you to unleash the sun right before two of the most loyal Ponies of their generation!

A quick glance at the room showed that her … flare … had caused the nearest pieces of paper to turn a crinkly yellow-brown from the heat, the careful script on them still legible, thank Faust, and where her hooves had rested, four faint semi-circles appeared on the marble floor, slightly darker than the stone around them.

Faust give me strength, and Powers grant me the wisdom to carry on amongst the Mortals. The Solar Monarch cursed, reaching for a bell on her table that would summon a servant, whom would carry a very special request to the armory. I had hoped to not have to wear that infernal contraption till the trial at least! Let us hope merely a few more pieces of my Regalia will be all I need, and not the full set!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on, come on, getcha plots in gear!” Granny Smith hollered from the back of the wagon, waving her cane in the air as Big Mac and Rainbow Dash limped out the front door.

Literally limped. Rainbow could have sworn she’d dislocated at least one hip, and Big Mac was moving like he’d run a marathon at the very least. The complete lack of sleep both had suffered, as well as the mortification of Granny Smith walking in on them and asking them to get on with it, she wanted those great-grandfoals lickety-slit, also made them leery of going anywhere near the batty old Mare.

“Comin’, Granny.” Big Mac groaned, stopping to yawn heavily as the burly farm-horse finally got down the steps from the porch, fatigue obvious in his posture, voice and the huge bags under his eyes.

“I might just fly, if that’s okay? Kind of … well I’m …” Rainbow hemmed and hawed, before finally just saying “I don’t think I’ll be sitting much today.”

“Don’t care! Great grandfoals at last!” The old matriarch hooted, making both Wonderbolt and Farm-Pony groan out loud and cover their faces with their hooves.

“Granny, no! It was jus’ a one-time thing, jus’ somethin’ bad in the cake. Poor Applejack got it bad too.” The burly red farm-pony explained again as he hooked himself into the business-end of the wagon, tugging experimentally at the connections before turning to speak quietly to Granny Smith. Rainbow was aware, painfully so, that the trip from Sweet Apple Acres to Ponville was a good half-hour’s walk normally, but Rainbow would have bet her last glass of cider it would take at least twice that long today with the damage she and Big Mac had inflicted on each other last night.

Faust knew, Rainbow was certain she would be flying slow enough that even Derpy would be able to beat her in a race, and that was just muscle-strain from her wings being extended for so long. The concept of using anything south of her navel for any extended period of time just made her want to curl up on the ground and cry right now, giving the brash Pegasus a whole new measure of sympathy for the burly Stallion who was going to have to pull a sodding heavy wooden wagon into town.

Thankfully, Applejack’s ‘secret stash’ had contained more than just sex-toys. A hoof-ful of pills, stamped with the universal sign for birth-control, would hopefully put the kibosh to Granny Smith’s dreams of great grandfoals, and if not, Rainbow had jars of the damn things back at her cloud-mansion for her own previous adventures with her 'Friends with Benefits'. As ‘fun’ as Rarity’s prank had been, Rainbow had dreams about joining the Wonderbolts, and the Wonderbolts, being a military unit, had strict rules about members of their unit and offspring.

“H-hey, what’s up guys?” Rainbow whipped her head around, wincing as sore muscles protested as she caught sight of three very wet, very tired-looking Fillies trudging towards them, wearing their beloved Cutiemark Crusader cloaks and carrying a large box across all three of their backs.

“N-nothin’ much, jus’ takin’ Granny into town to see Twilight an’ thank her fer savin’ Applejack yesterday.” Big Mac grunted, nervously pacing on the spot as he eyed the three Crusaders and shot Rainbow a terrified look.

Buck. Looks like the aphrodisiacs in the cake did affect the Crusaders. Rarity, you’re gonna be shitting teeth for a week for this! The Wonderbolt Trainee cursed mentally as she slowly flapped over to the Crusaders and took the chest off them, earning three grateful looks in the process. “So … what's the deal with the box? Cutiemark Crusader Porters?”

“Something we have to return to Applejack … and it's something we need to talk to Twilight about.” Sweetie Belle muttered darkly, scowling at the chest, and then Scootaloo who giggled something under her breath that made both the stunted Pegasus and her bow-wearing Farm-filly friend blush scarlet.

“Riiiight. Well, hop on to the wagon, keep Granny Smith company, and don’t believe a word she says about great grandfoals, okay?”

“Grandfoals? But don’t you have to … heeek!” Whatever Applebloom was about to say was lost to Sweetie Belle swatting her with the Unicorn’s tail, and the three Crusaders shooting each other startled looks. “S-so you an’ Big Mac …”

“Ended up the same as your three after Rarity’s cake sent us all round the twist, I'm betting.” Rainbow finished, giving Sweetie Belle an apologetic look at the little Unicorn’s face twisted into an ugly scowl. “At least you three won’t need the morning-after pills. Uh, speaking of which, we should probably sit down, you three, Applejack and me and talk about how friends deal with having … encounters … with their friends. I figure the Crusaders might need somepony to talk to after your adventures last night, somepony who've experienced the same sort of situation.”

“I'd bet you've never gone through anything like what we did last night.” Scootaloo muttered, earning paired tail-swats from the other Crusaders and loud shushing.

“Bet on what, squirt?”

“Th-the talk with AJ? K-kinda awkward to have that talk with my own sister, right?” Applebloom stammered, sounding far too bright and chipper all of a sudden.

“… Right. Look, we’ll talk later. First of all, we’ve gotta get to Twilight’s library, then … my hooves have got a date with Rarity’s face. Sorry, Sweetie Belle.”

“Oh, I’m not offended.” The young Unicorn said as her two friends staggered over to the wagon, blushing as Granny Smith laughed at them and began to, horrifyingly enough, ramble on about her ‘adventures’ when she was younger with her favourite cousin, much to the obvious terror of the Ponies around her. “But if you don’t give her at least one hoof to the face for me at least, I will be most upset with you.”

“…Heh. I knew I liked you, kid.” Rainbow chortled as she picked up the Unicorn, ignoring the squirming as just shyness after what Rainbow imagined was an eye-opening adventure for the Cutiemark Crusaders as she clutched the filly to her barrel, fluttering over to the rest of the group and dropped Sweetie Belle into the back of the wagon with her friends before taking point overhead as Big Mac began the slow march into town.