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Well. This was a thing. And now I need to set fire to my tower and then drink bleach until I feel clean again. I wasn't even aware 'tools' like this existed.

*broken sobbing noises* What am I doing to friendship? Why? Why am I doing this? Oh dear sweet god ,why!

CHAPTER 45

“Ah, Fluttershy, not that ah’m judgin’ … but what in the absolute buck?” The orange farm-pony whispered, trying her best to not move despite the very large object that was inside her and the delightful feeling of having her cramping inner muscles finally having something to grab.

Of course, waking up ass-to-ass with Fluttershy was also quite disconcerting, but then again she had sort of lost consciousness in the shower, and she did vaguely remember being carried out between Zecora and Fluttershy … and even vaguer impressions after that!

“Y-y-you, uhm, you s-s-said that you needed help with your fake estrus, a-a-and you’d worn Zecora out at the time, so I-I went and got something special from my … my root-cellar … a-a-and you kind of jumped me and used it on me … not that I’m mad.” Fluttershy squeaked from the other end of the bed, shifting awkwardly in a way that made whatever was inside Applejack move and twist in a delightful way. “S-s-s-so if you co-could please hold still f-for a little while? If that’s okay? If you don’t mind?”

“Girl, ah ain’t mad that we knocked cooters. Ahm downright ashamed ah took advantage of you in mah current state, but if this is a deel-dough, can’t we just, y’know, pull it out natural-like?”

“We’re both knotted, we can’t.”

“Beg pardon, darlin’, but ah don’t plum think ah heard y’all right. We’re what-now?”

“Kn-knotted. It’s the d-double-diamond-dog-dildo, the D4, Alpha model.” Fluttershy squeaked, wriggling again that made the dildo inside Applejack push and press against all sorts of interesting places. “You … uhm … you kind of used all of my ones on Zecora, s-s-so I had to go and grab something from my stock …”

“Ah did? Huh, that explains the weird dream ‘bout stuffin’ pickles into a barrel tha’ wouldn’t stay still.”

“I think we’d better get Zecora to Nurse Redheart, otherwise she’ll never be able to go number two again.”

“Ahm gonna regret this, buh why?”

“Because my ass is not a store that needs to be stocked! Thanks to you, my asshole is blocked!” Zecora yelled from the floor … somewhere, and when Applejack lifted her head off the pillow and told herself she had most certainly not heard the adorable mewling noise Fluttershy made when Applejack moved, she could finally see Zecora, laying face-down on the ground with her front-legs tied together underneath her, her ass stuck up in the air and her hind-legs spread out and tied to opposite ends of a rather long stick … with what appeared to be no less than seven large, colourful, rubbery things that had no business being anywhere near a Pony’s private places sticking a considerable distance into the air from underneath her tail, the largest of which was still defiantly wiggling of it’s own accord. “If you two could stop not-humping and please pull them out, because I must pee and you bound my hooves, you apple-bucking lout!”

“Good Goobering Faust! Zecora, ah did that to you?” Applejack recoiled in both horror and surprise, which forced her hind-quarters hard up against Fluttershy’s again, which in-turn caused the two Ponies to gasp as the ‘toy’ inside them bent and flexed again.

“At first it was a delight, you’re skilled Applejack, but then I said ‘more’ and you attacked this one’s crack! As fun as it was, and as full as I am, please pull these things out, I’m in somewhat of a jam!”

“Puh-please duh-don’t move like thaaaaaaaaaaaaat, Applejack!” Mewling softly, Fluttershy put the lie to her own words as she vainly pumped back against the slightly larger and far heavier Applejack, doing little more than make some soft squelching noises in the process.

“Uh, right, jus’ … give me a minute to process this …” The bewildered Farm-pony said after a few moments of trying to make sense of what had happened, and gave it up as a bad joke. Must’ve gone plum outta mah mind from the fake estruss and no sleep, like when ah tried to tend to the farm all on mah lonesome. First things first, gotta pull away from Fluttershy, then go untie Zecora, then go drink some hard cider till ah forget all ‘bout this.

Yet as Applejack pulled herself off the bed, she found to her surprise, and guilty delight, that Fluttershy came with her. Literally. The butter-coloured Pegasus whimpered and thrashed as the pair of knots inside the locked pair pulled on her inner depths, a sensation that Applejack had to admit wasn’t that bad an experience, and a surge of wetness flooded over Applejack’s own nethers as Applejack literally dragged Fluttershy over to the edge of the bed through their ‘connection’.

“… ‘Kay. Once more, an’ please try to hold back, Fluttershy …” Blushing furiously, Applejack managed to get both forelimbs onto the ground, then a hind-leg, then the other … only to feel Fluttershy’s hind-legs rub up against hers as the Pegasus tried to get up with her. “No no, Fluttershy, y’all stay there, ah’ll get up an’ try to pull away.”

“O-okay.” Fluttershy whispered back.

Applejack took another step towards Zecora … and sighed as she felt the knot inside her tug for a half-second before Fluttershy’s dripping sex smushed against her own, both of them still forced partially open by the deviant toy that connected them.

“Fluttershy …”

“I … I can’t! It’s the Alpha M-model! The knots a-are the size of a tennis-ball! It needs to come out slowly, or we c-could hurt ourselves.”

“Well, sugarcube, y’all are feelin’ wetter than a beaver’s livin’ room to me right now. Ahm fairly certain if’n y’all just grab something, like that bed, or a doorknob, ah kin just pull us apart likety split.”

“M-maybe if we could … uh-uhm, make it a little bit more … wetter? Wuh-we could try then?”

“…Y’all jus’ wanna ride, don’t yah, Fluttershy.”

“…Yes.”

Zecora groaned and closed her eyes, hips shuddering and rolling of their own accord. “Just buck her senseless and then pull out, I need to use the bathroom and these knots are stout!”

“Land’s sake.” Applejack muttered, bracing herself and rapidly battering her rear into Fluttershy’s, the butter-coloured Pegasus gasping and groaning as the deviant toy inside them both pounded away at their depths, the large knots that made up the center-piece pummelling their nether-lips deliciously as Applejack put all her talent for bucking trees to work, vibrating her inner muscles, twerking her hips, pulling out all the stops as she tried to work either herself or Fluttershy free of their entanglement as her otherwise impossibly-shy friend thrashed and moaned like a wild thing, slamming her hips back against Applejack with reckless abandon before finally, Applejack felt the pressure inside her shift and a particularly hard thrust sent Fluttershy sprawling onto the bed, while Applejack staggered forwards, unbalanced without the counterweight of another Pony behind her … and landed on the floor next to the bound Zebra. “Well … ow … guess that solves one problem.”

“Agaaaaaaiiiiinnnn.” Fluttershy mewled from the bed, the glistening neon-blue toy sticking out lewdly from under her tail, and Applejack blanched when she caught sight of the girth of the toy that had so recently been intimate with her depths.

Sweet Filly-Foolin’ Faust’s left plot-cheek! Fluttershy weren’t kiddin’ bout the size o’ them knots! Groaning, Applejack got to her hooves and started working on the releases of the knots that held Zecora in bondage, wincing as she started working on the hind-legs and noticed the ridged nature of the ‘big one’ that Zecora had mentioned, which still stubbornly vibrated amidst the nest of it’s ‘comrades’. “Jus’ a sec, Zecora, ah’ll have y’all loose in a second. Uh, y’all gonna need a hoof getting’ them … things … outta yah?”

“Grateful I am for my timely release, but your hooves are going no-where near my crease!” Zecora grunted, staggering to her hooves and shaking them to restore feeling. “No grudge do I bear nor shame do I feel, but out of my way or the paint I will peel!”

“When yah gotta go …” The farm-pony muttered as the Zebra took off towards Fluttershy’s bathroom, her backside clattering with latex and rubber. “Gonna need a lot o’ cider fer this one-eeeeeeeeeeeeeigh!”

Gasping and throwing her head into the air in shock as she felt her crease penetrated, and with vigor at that, Applejack craned her head around to stare behind at the panting face of Fluttershy, half-hidden behind rigid wings and an uplifted tail, the Pony who had just rammed infernal blue toy back inside her in one thrust, the slick second knot rudely spreading her wide-open as it nestled in just past her opening.

“Agaaaaaaaaain.” Fluttershy mewled, pressing herself up hard against Applejack to the point the blushing farm-pony could feel both of their lips twitching against one another as their bodies struggled to contain the toy that had, once again, locked them together.

“Oh mah staaaaars …” Applejack groaned, slapping a hoof over her face. “Mah always did say it were the quiet ones yah gotta watch out for. Once more, Fluttershy, then tha’s it. Ah gotta keep mah strength for later today.”

“Wh-why?” Fluttershy whimpered as the two Mares began to hesitantly tug at their connection, moving first in one direction, then another as they enjoyed the strange but pleasant sensation of the rubber knots inside them and the thick shafts rubbing away at their insides, tails splaying over each other’s backs as Applejack gave up any hope of having any sanity in her morning and decided that working herself up into a lather with Fluttershy wasn’t the worst way to start a day.

“’Cause ah need to see Rarity ‘bout some free dental work ‘fore the day is done.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So … uhm …” Twilight asked nervously as Filthy Rich put the last few items across the scanner and began printing out the receipt. It had taken a good ten minutes to get the whole load sorted and scanned, and throughout the entire process he had talked nothing but shop.

“A moment, your highness.” Filthy said calmly as he handed the last bag to Luna, who likewise looked nervous but accepted the load and put it into the last of the trolleys. “I’m many things. A father, a loyal Pony of Equestria, but I am also a business-stallion. I have a rule about mixing business with … personal issues. It becomes too messy for all parties involved.”

“A wise way of thinking.” Princess Luna murmured, eying a can of salty plums longingly. “It can be impossible to make calm and rational decisions when one cannot separate their private and public selves.”

“Once we’ve concluded our business here, I and several other Ponies wish to make a house-call, your Majesties …” Filth Rich’s voice trailed off as both he and Twilight watched with wide eyes as Luna reached a hoof into her own mane, up to the shoulder, and moved the limb around for several moments before withdrawing a large sack, from which she began pulling out platinum bits to pay for the shopping.

And since a single platinum bit was worth as much as fifty gold bits, and the sack was almost as large as the Alicorn’s own head, it meant that Princess Luna truly had a small fortune on hoof …

“Uh … does it have to be … today?” Twilight spluttered, trying to regain some control over the conversation as Luna handed over five platinum bits, and Filthy Rich took them with near-reverence on his face, slipping them into the money-drawer and counting out the change, to which Luna shook her head and tapped the charity-tin next to the register. “I may have some Ponies coming over once the sun comes up, but I also kind of don’t know who they are, or when they will be coming, so I can’t really promise I’ll be free at all today …”

“The Royal Agents? Oh, we’ll be there around nine-ish, give or take five or ten minutes.”

Now Luna and Twilight gaped at Filthy Rich, who simply gave them a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

“That you didn’t notice means I’m doing my job correctly, your Majesty.” The brown-coated Pony gave both Princesses a short half-bow, eyes dancing with mirth as he spoke. “Our orders were explicit: Do not approach Twilight Sparkle with evidence of our allegiance unless her life, or the lives of the other Element Bearers, was at obvious risk, and do our best to ensure you and the other Element Bearers are free to pursue your own goals at your own pace.”

“But what about the Ursur Minor? Trixie?” Twilight spluttered indignantly, while Luna simply sighed and covered her face with a hoof.

“Your Majesty, I am an Earth Pony. A very well trained one, but still just an Earth Pony. With a family. While Princess Celestia has stationed some … combat-proficient Ponies to watch over you, for the most part, Royal Agents are not typically chosen for their ability to fight, but rather to think on their hooves and blend into the background.” Filthy Rich countered, pointing an immaculate hoof towards the back of his store, where his family’s ancestral house leaned against the newer building like a decrepit relative. “My family has served the Solar Throne for a very, very long time, and when we were tasked to watch over Ponyville, we set out to become an integral part of the community, to help shape it and protect it from within. My jumping out into the fray like some kind of superhero would achieve little more than getting my own plot hoofed to me on a silver platter, and worse still, might reveal that the Riches have been Royal Agents all along, and maybe even reveal the true identities of the other Royal Agents in Ponyville.”

“And that would be an issue because …” The Lunar Princess rumbled, giving the Royal Agent a dire look as Twilight Sparkle looked like she’d just eaten something very disagreeable to her palate.

“Royal Agents might do wonders for the safety of the nation and the people of the nation, your Majesty, but in the past hundred years a great many novels and movies have taken extraordinary pains to paint the Royal Agents as a corrupt order, a zealous group that oppresses and supresses Ponies within Equestria to support an equally-corrupt Monarchy, generally with the protagonists almost always belonging to the Unicorn Nobility.” Filthy Rich explained as he locked up the checkout and escorted the two stunned Princesses to the door. “It’s clearly the efforts of Nobles who own significant shares in the film-houses and printing-houses to try to paint the Thrones in a negative light, but Equestria hasn’t been in a state of war in over three centuries.”

“To today’s Ponies, war is something somepony else has to suffer, not them. Criminals and fanatical religious cults are a thing found outside of Equestria’s borders. Ponies don’t understand what real tyranny and conflict is, and so they eat up this dramatic nonsense from the public media as gospel and, well, here we are, cleaning up after a fiend attacked our town, and half the town thinks it was either a publicity stunt or they’re more worried about who they’re going to sue than thanking Faust their friends and families made it out alive.”

“Imagine trying to do your job with half the people you’re trying to protect assigning malevolent intentions to your every action. And the other half unwilling to trust you because they are scared of social pressure from other Ponies, or being reported on if they should bend the laws a little to keep bread on their tables?” The brown-coated stallion sighed gustily as he held the door open as the two Princesses pushed their loaded trolleys out into the street, still looking somewhat stunned. “Royal Agents are only effective because we keep out of sight and out of mind. A thought I hope the both of you will keep at the fore-front of your minds in the coming days. Our lives could depend upon it.”

Twilight and Luna shared a look of startled confusion as the automated doors hissed shut behind them, and then the lights in the store switched off, leaving them alone on the street with only the gentle light of the moon and stars overhead to guide them home.

“Oh. Buck.”

“Indeed, Twilight. Oh buck indeed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Honey? Did you want something from the town? We’ll have to swap locomotives for the next leg of the trip and it will take about an hour to prepare the new locomotive for the trip, and we did kind of leave the Crystal Empire in a hurry …”

“… Cupcakes. See if anypony has got any strawberry cupcakes.” Cadence sighed from the bed in the Royal Carriage, as listless as she had been hours ago when she’s let loose and told Shining all about her fears.

Much as he wanted to be there while she was so lost and upset, Shining knew that in these kinds of situations, doing something productive was more useful than just sitting there and waiting at her side. It would also be more productive to get the guards up to speed and warn them that whatever Cadence asked for was to be provided as soon as possible, barring anything that might cause a war between Equestria and the Crystal Empire.

“I’ll do my damndest, sweetheart. If not, I’m sure we’ve got enough supplies I can whip you up some in the kitchen.”

“Shining, the last time you tried to make me breakfast in bed, you nearly set fire to the castle kitchen. A crystal kitchen. Composed mostly of theoretically unflammable materials.” A ghost of a smile graced his wife’s face as the pink Alicorn lifted her head off the pillows to give him a firm look. “Although if there’s any pancake mix … I’m sure there’s got to be a twenty-four-seven store somewhere around here.”

“Understood, my lady.” Shining made a flamboyant bow, and received a pillow to the face for his efforts when he raised his head, along with a delicate chuckle. “We’ll be departing in a few hours, if the schedule hold true. I’ll see if there’s any early-edition newspapers while I’m out, just to see what exactly we are running into. If Celestia is keeping the Changelings’ surrender quiet, the last thing we want to do is be the cause of a mass panic by arriving with horns blazing and giving the bugs a chance to disappear into the chaos.”

Retreating from the royal bedroom and chuckling as his mind absently recalled ancient laws that would declare the entire contraption as a state-within-a-state, effectively a mobile piece of Crystal Empire territory and thus inviolate should matters turn sour in Canterlot, Shining gathered the assembled Royal Guards, Crystal or otherwise, and briefed them on the situation.

The Crystal Ponies and most of the normal Ponies immediately saluted, although a handful of his kind seemed to resist for a few seconds, and Shining immediately asked them to hang back for ‘additional orders’.

Once the rest of the Guards had filed out, and hopefully gotten enough distance that sound would not carry, Shining gave the remaining Stallions a pointed look. “Alright lads, we’ve served together through thick and thin, and I know that look. No rank here, but what’s crawled up your plots?”

“Shining.” Flash Sentry said after a few moments of awkward silence as the non-Crystal Royal Guards shared unhappy looks. “Look, we get that we’re supposed to be helping the Crystal Ponies. We get that the Crystal Ponies need a lot of help to get back on their hooves, and that the Changelings are a threat to everypony, everywhere. But we signed on to the Guard’s as defenders of Equestria. If this mission could cause a diplomatic incident like you just warned us about, shouldn’t we be on Equestria’s side of things, not the Crystal Empire’s?”

Shining leaned back against the wall, hoping the flare of irritation and contempt he felt hadn’t shown on his face. But if that was what Flash Sentry felt about his new posting, that would explain why his actions over the past few months had been so dreadful.

“Peaceful relations between Equestria and the Crystal Empire is vital for both nations to continue to grow, both as nations and as part of the world in general. Need I remind you that with the return of the Crystal Empire, and the restoration of the Crystal Heart that functions as a magical capacitor, helping to spread the energies of Harmony and Love across the planet, we are standing on the cusp of an age of peace and tolerance unlike anything in recorded history? If we sour relations between Equestria and the Crystal Empire, or give the Crystal Ponies reason to cut off contact with the outside world, those energies could diminish, or worse yet, become corrupted. Imagine a world bathed in corrupted love energies infusing everything and everyone. Imagine living in that kind of world.” The Royal Consort gave the troublesome Pegasus, and then the rest of the reluctant guards, a searching look as they shuffled on their hooves and ducked their heads to avoid his gaze. “If you truly cannot accept your roles here in the Crystal Empire, feel free to deliver a request for transferral to my desk after this mission is concluded. I’ll happily sign them rather than force you to remain at a post where you cannot give your all … but I will also state your reasons for the request. Captain Rosebush deserves to know the truth, at the very least.”

“Oh buck me, Shining, you know that little filly will just rubber-stamp whatever you give her simply because it came from you, and if you say you can’t trust our commitment, she’ll just roll us out of the Guards faster than you can say ‘Notice me, Sempai’.” Flash Sentry muttered darkly, feathers ruffling with irritation. “Just say we’re getting the boot if we don’t go along with whatever crazy scheme your wife has come up with and get it over with.”

“Rosebush is a soldier, Flash, and a pony you could have learned a great deal from if you focused more on what was between her ears than what was between her legs.” The white-coated Unicorn shot back, earning a few sickly chuckles from his reluctant troops. “I won’t lie, Rosebush will probably assign you to less-critical posts if you request reassignment, but you are unlikely to get drummed out of the Royal Guard, Flash’s misadventures with mares in positions of power notwithstanding.”

This earned more laughter, less strained this time, and a hearty “Fuck you too, Shining.” From Flash Sentry.

“If that’s all, dismissed, and back to your duties. We’ve a great deal to get done while the next locomotive is prepared for us, and I want us at Canterlot as soon as possible, we’re already thirty-seven hours away and the sooner we get there, the sooner we can stop the Changelings from … whatever it is they are planning.” Shining gave his fellow Royal Guards a crisp salute, and felt a twinge of bitter pride as all but Flash Sentry returned it seconds later.

They were good Ponies. Stallions he’d risked his life alongside many times. Many of them were as good as family, and he had always been welcomed into their homes during the holidays when he hadn’t been able to come home to Canterlot while out on rotation.

It was going to be hard to lose them.

Even if those reassignment forms never appeared on his desk, he would have to reassign them himself, neither he nor the Crystal Empire could afford to have troops who possessed divided loyalties, let alone those same divided loyalties within senior officers who had been instrumental in helping to train an entire army from the ground up. Certainly, almost all of them would be returning to Canterlot with glowing recommendations … but his honor as an officer, and his duty as a Royal Consort, demanded nothing less than brutal honesty, and that would slow, if not cripple, their climb up the ranks in the Royal Guards.

Shining Armor sighed heavily, sat down a lushly-padded bench and rubbed at his eyes with both fore-hooves. He loved Cadence dearly, but there were times he wished that the Crystal Empire, and Equestria itself for that matter, had stayed out of their lives, where he wouldn’t have to balance the needs of nations against the flaws of his friends and comrades.

Twilight, nearly turned into a fiend and he’d been half a continent away. His wife barely holding on, he could see the wounds the wedding and her imprisonment by the Changelings had left on her mind already starting to open up again. Princess Celestia welcoming some of the most treacherous, dangerous individuals on the face of the planet into the very city they’d once tried to besiege the day after fighting said fiend and only narrowly winning.

It was all too much, too soon, focused on too few Ponies, all of whom he loved dearly.

But if Chrysalis truly was planning something … Shining looked up and focused, a bead of sweat appearing on his temples as his horn remained stubbornly unlit for precious seconds … and a small bubble of his pinkish-red shield-magic appeared before him.

It was tiny, barely the size of a pea, and wouldn’t hold up against a physical attack for more than a few seconds. But this shield was more offensive than defensive. Letters to his father, self-training from the manuals Night Light had sent him, had helped Shining master at least this much of the Empty Horn style of casting.

His ‘shield-pellets’ could shred reinforced concrete, but the volume of pellets he needed to cast to be truly effective precluded his own fumblings with the core of the Empty Horn’s teachings, he just could not keep his aura suppressed and cast the spell to shoot the shield-pellets at the same time. Maybe with a few more months of training, he could pull off the required amount of control to meld the two very distinct spells together.

But to conjure a single pellet invisibly? That he could do.

And if Chrysalis truly intended harm, he’d squash her like the bug she was, and nopony would ever know.

His duty as a Royal Guard, and the love of his wife, demanded nothing else.