I stared at the monster in front of me with a glare of unrestrained hatred and disgust. If my chest had been a cannon, I would have shot my heart at him and gladly given my life if just to end his. So vile was his existence.

But of course, I couldn’t do anything. That naively stupid butter-yellow pegasus whose special talent was bending over to let everything in the world fuck her up the ass got in the way. If I actually did give Discord what he fucking deserved, she would get all teary-eyed and some other bullshit, and then Rainbow would jump in on her side despite the fact his stupid little stunt of a ‘friendship test’ nearly got her EATEN BY A FUCKING GRABOID!

Hell, even my knowledge of Equestria’s acknowledgement of the movie Tremors...or the fact that the movie was based of a monster native to Equestria didn’t cheer me up. That fucking world building tried to eat my Sparkles and Dashie until Twilight zapped it and Dash kicked its head in at Mach 1. It didn’t deserve to exist.

“So, could I have just a little glass of water?” Discord asked from inside his little medical bubble, his face covered in spots that were probably just as fake as his stupid ‘blue flu’ crap.

Twilight frowned at the mismatched freak. “NO!”

The force of her shout made me happy inside. At the very least Twilight wasn’t falling for Discord’s bullshit again, and would back me up when I told Tia that he needed to be put down permanently. The process...or the process to learn exactly what I needed to do to get rid of Discord in a permanent manner wasn’t something I would have liked to even consider, but...he tried to kill Rainbow and Twilight.

For that, Discord needed to die.

As he grinned at her, I let out a snarl and spun around to leave. “Come on, let’s get the buck out of here before he tries to infect us with his new fake disease. We need to check around town and clean up his mess,” I grumbled.

“Hey! I’ll have you know this is a real disease!” Discord told me before pulling an oversized note out of his ear that was signed by Dr Real McCoy and waving it at me from behind his enclosure.

I didn’t even bother to question it and just turned to leave. Twilight followed suit and I could hear Rainbow giving Fluttershy a quick goodbye before coming after me. “So…um…you not have breakfast today or something?” the cyan pegasus asked as she landed on my other side once we were out of the house. “Because that tends to make me a little-”

“We woke up in the same bed Rainbow. You remember how I eat, right?” I asked in a deadpan tone while looking over to the pegasus. Then I remembered who I was talking to and let out a long sigh to help with the clearing of emotions. When your magic worked on anger and all things negative, keeping a pleasant disposition wasn’t easy when you had a damn good reason to be pissed off. “I’m sorry Dash, it’s just…first I had to ditch you girls for Fluttershy’s thing, and we’re gone for two days, and Discord shows up to make trouble.”

Rainbow waved a dismissive hoof. “Relax, it was nothing we couldn’t handle.”

Twilight sighed and hung her head. “But he did ruin our date,” she mumbled before looking up to the pegasus with an upset expression.

That comment put my anger on the rise again, and I must have showed, because whatever Rainbow was got to say stopped a few seconds after she opened her mouth. Then she must have gotten a little peeved at that information too, because a little scowl appeared on her face to before she looked over to the alicorn. “I’m sorry Twilight, I knew you were really looking forward to that Starswirl thing. Even had a costume and everything.”

I missed Twilight cosplaying. It made me want to cry.

“Well, I already knew all the information they had and seen all the artifacts in books before, so it’s okay,” she replied before we expression became a little softer. “The truth is, I wanted you to go to see if I could get you interested in some of the stuff me and Fae are. I know you’re not going to read a history book or anything, you’re a hooves-on kind of pony so, I thought I’d try showing you something you could put your hooves…on?”

If it wasn’t for the fact she was talking to Rainbow, I would have just gone ‘daaaw’ and wrapped my legs around the blushing mare before the sexiness of everything kicked in and I was making off with her to make-out. But as things were, I just had to hang back and let them talk it out.

“Like with the Wonderbolts and me,” Rainbow mumbled before her voice raised and took on a tone I could only call touched. “That’s um…thanks for the effort, Twilight.” Although I could tell from her Scent she was a little disturbed with the idea if getting excited about history. To Rainbow, that stuff was over and done with. There was no need to be concerned about stuff that was in the past. It was probably why she was so forgiving.

Before the whole issue could die, I stepped in. “Well it’s not like it’s the only time the stuff will be open to the public. We could just fly down to wherever the exhibit is going to be shown next.” I also wanted to know how the hell someone like Starswirl, if he really was some all-important unicorn, only got some lame traveling exhibit instead of a spot in a real museum.

But then, ponies weren’t all that interested in history…or the world around them in general. They just went on with their lives and trusted Celestia to take care of the big picture stuff. Of course she kind of fucked things up and they were due for a drastic decline in population for the next hundred years because of that, but…well that was what happens when people put their trust in the government back home so…why not Equestria too?

Some things had to be multi-universal.

Rainbow let out a little sigh. “Do we really have to go again? I already saw everything.”

“Rainbow, we were there for about five minutes,” Twilight deadpanned.

“Yeah, and I saw it all,” the pegasus replied with a little shrug. “Wasn’t that big a collection of stuff, really.”

Twilight let out an annoyed groan. “Rainbow, even I wasn’t able to take in everything-”

Apparently, Rainbow took the comment as a challenge, because before Twilight was even done talking, the pegasus was in the process of gobsmacking her. “They had the fourteenth bell of his hat, the candlestick he used to light the way when he was exploring the Caverns of Maretania, the alternate designs for this hats that he didn’t take because Princess Celestia supposedly put spells on them that showed off his most embarrassing thoughts, the comb of his beard that got cursed with an eternally crinkly spell, and-”

I kind of became lost in my astonishment as Rainbow managed to name twenty different objects and provide a brief history of each. By the time she was done, I was checking the pegasus over to make sure she wasn’t a changeling.

“H-How do you know all of that?” Twilight asked.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “They had a description sign in bold text next to each of the things Twilight. I just read them. Duh.” The fact that she thought so little of her accomplishment was...kind of creepy. But then, I don't think Rainbow card that much about the academic stuff.

“But…it…you… We were only there for five minutes!” the alicorn exclaimed. “Even if we did have time to go to each exhibit, how could you even remember all of them?”

In response, Rainbow gave Twilight a worried frown, as if the alicorn was the one acting abnormally instead of the apparently scholarly pegasus. “Uh…because it’s important to you?”

Twilight stood there and…I Smelled her emotions change in an instant. The confusion just washed away, and was replaced by shock, awe and…well…I wouldn’t call it the all encompassing love I felt for Twilight; not that I could Smell my own emotions, but…it was a lot more than the platonic affection stuff the girls usually felt towards one another.

Not quite what I was aiming for between them though. If anything, it was what I picked up from Tia when we had our nightly visits. Which was a little disturbing when I had a second to think about it.

But then, Celestia loved everyone. It was kind of her job being the pony messiah and all that.

Then the purple pony just went along silently, stealing glances at Rainbow at every chance she could and…well…I could tell she was wanting to get something going between her and the pegasus as soon as we had some time to ourselves.

“So Fae, how was your trip?” Twilight asked as we got into town and I started looking around. There weren’t any obvious signs of destruction, but…I knew Discord would need to keep things subtle if he didn’t want Tia to finally give him what he deserved.

However, Twilight’s question got me plenty distracted. “It…wasn’t what I expected.”

In fact, the breezies had just about killed my wish to know about all things Pony. They were small, annoying, and went against every basic natural law that I knew of. It went beyond how I was a little put off by Fluttershy due to her need to take care of anything and everything that shouldn’t need taking care of though. The breezies were the personification of the annoyance of a wild that needed taking care of, times a million.

They had magic, but couldn’t use it on their own. They were sapient, but couldn’t survive without help. They needed to gather pollen, but wouldn’t accept a handout. They were like that two-year-old child everyone sees outside a store or restaurant that tries the open the door on his own, won't let his mother help him, and holds up the twenty plus people behind and in front of him while mommy just smiles at his cuteness and everyone else gives the brat a death glare.

Hell, I knew when they came to Ponyville, it would be Rainbow and her best wind producing ponies that would need to carry the damn things onto the next town and make them someone else’s burden.

But on top of everything else, they just didn’t fit in Equestria!

Equestria was a land of Harmony, where everything had a place. Earth ponies took care of nature. Pegasi took care of the weather. Changelings killed stuff and would be used as my secret ninja army should anything be stupid enough to fuck with Equestria on a large scale. Alicorns took care of the heavens, and unicorns maintained pony society since Tia and Luna took their jobs out of necessity. Breezies didn’t do jack shit. They didn’t pollinate flowers, take care of animals, do something with the oceans, or leave money in exchange for teeth under the pillows of little children. They showed up, took something from Equestria, and left. With the ponies helping them along all the while.

So the parasitic existence of such creatures that were taking advantage of my little ponies pissed me off to no end.

“Really?” Rainbow asked. “What happened?”

I let out a sigh of a groan. “Well for starters, since it was a group of animal caretakers, every pony thought that Sunset was Fluttershy’s pet.” Which was yet another reason for me to hate the little helpless animal convention. The poor girl had probably never been so put down on or humiliated in her life.

Both the girls winced at that one, but Twilight was the one to speak. “Oooo, bet she didn’t like that.”

Livid would have been a good descriptor. “Then the hotel room we ended up being assigned by the ponies organizing the event was just a two-bed, so Fluttershy had to share.”

“You made Fluttershy share with Sunset?” Rainbow said with a frown. “Why didn’t you and her just use a bed? You’re both humans…sort of.”

A spark of comprehension dawned in Twilight’s eyes. “Yes but…um, you know how Sunset sleeps naked?”

“So?”

Twilight sighed and shook her head. “Humans only get naked when they need to bathe, or have sex. Seeing as how Sunset was Fae's former species…” Twilight left the rest unsaid.

Dash blanched. “Oh um…wait, we’re not…Sunset’s not going to be number four, right?” she asked Twilight before looking over to me. “No offense, but…humans kind of look…weird.”

I cringed as Rainbow’s words put that thought in my head. Seventeen-going-on-twenty-something was still seventeen as far as I was concerned. “Oh hay no! That would just be…Sunset’s like…my…ward, or something.” Like Robin was to Batman, she even had the hair for it. And I was naturally Batman colored so…yeah, that put a few images in my head that really didn’t belong in Equestria.

“Well you are pretty protective of her,” Twilight pointed out.

“I’m protective of all of you,” I told her with a frown before something Rainbow said made me stumble and look over to her. “Wait, did you two…do it while I was gone?”

Rainbow went bright red and looked away.

Twilight giggled and smiled at the pegasus. “No,” the alicorn told me. “In fact, she went back to her house the night you left but the second day…well, you got home in time.”

“I um…like feeling you girls next to me,” the pegasus mumbled before looking back at me with a frown. “But you totally need to switch to a cloud mattress. Way better than that thing you’ve got now.”

As a bit of an uncomfortable feeling rose in the back of my mind, I managed to hide it by quickly looking around for anything out of the ordinary. Considering Dash’s hesitation, I was afraid Twilight’s way of rushing a relationship would end up ruining everything. I mean hell, she dragged me into bed after our first date!

But Rainbow wasn’t like that! She was delicate, a nervous woman that needed careful coaxing to get into bed, or she would fly off. She needed to come to us, not get...Twilighted into sex.

We got to the other end of town, and I frowned when I noticed something was…off. There weren’t any pink clouds or mind-slaved beavers, and I didn’t detect any magic in the air but…something was wrong.

“Wait a minute…where’s Berry’s house?”

Twilight’s words made me look over and follow her gaze. Sure enough, the row of houses near the train station ended one too soon. “Dash, do me a favor and check the rest of Ponyville to make sure it’s still there,” I grumbled as I looked at the missing house.

Ten seconds later, she reported back that it was. Only one of my precious little pony domiciles was missing. Five minutes of spreading out and around in a classic one man search pattern, she found Berry’s house torn apart and spread across half a hillside. Half an hour after that, we found the owner of said house thankfully alive and staying at the Ponyville Traveler Inn with Ruby Pinch in a two bed room. After we found her and sent the kid off to get some ice cream, I sat down on the floor while Dash took the other bed and Twilight took a seat next to me after offering to get Berry something to drink. Surprisingly, she turned it down.

“So what happened?” I asked as evenly as I could while images raced through my mind of the mare screaming in terror while her home flew through the sky a good ten feet off the ground. The pony needed calm, not anger. “Were you in the house when Discord threw it out of town?”

Neither of the girls with me balked at the accusation. We all knew who was to blame.

Berry shook her head. “No I was taking Ruby to school,” she said after stopping and looking down at the floor. “When I came back, it was just…gone.” The depression in her voice made me grit my teeth.

Discord had taken her house, the one place in the world that was supposed to be safe, and destroyed it all for the purpose of a joke. Sure, his big evil plot of trying to get one of the girls eaten alive by a giant monster had failed, but he had still managed to ruin the security of Berry’s house. Even now, I could Smell the despair coming off the poor pony in waves, topped only by her fear.

“Why didn’t you just come and get us?” Rainbow asked. “”Twilight cloud have probably-”

“Because you were with that monster!” the earth pony shouted at Rainbow in a panic, which got a wince from the pegasus. “The last time he was here, he nearly destroyed our town!”

Twilight cleared her throat. “You mean when he was with the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” she asked. “That was an accident-”

“Do you honestly think that?” Berry demanded in a shout before her eyes went wide and she looked back down at the ground. “I…I’m sorry Princess Twilight, I shouldn’t have-”

“It’s okay,” Twilight told her as she raised a hoof to cut her off. “And we’ll get your house fixed and-”

Berry winced. “Do you have to?” she asked as tears appeared in her eyes. “I…” She paused, and looked over to me. “What happened to that fund thing Princess Celestia set up for the town after Twilight’s pet destroyed half of Ponyville? Can’t you just give me the value of my house and everything in it? With that, I could finally move to another town."

“Spike’s not my pet,” Twilight grumbled.

I managed to ignore Twilight’s anger for the moment and concentrated on the real problem. Being the regent of the town, I was aware of what she was talking about. With all the trouble that happened around Ponyville, Celestia had set up what amounted to a disaster relief fund. But I was pretty sure it was the mayor Berry needed to be talking to at the moment. “I can probably expedite the whole thing but…”

“You can’t be serious,” Rainbow Dash cut in. “You…you want to leave Ponyville? What about your filly?”

Berry scowled at the pegasus. “Who the hay do you think I’m considering the most?” she demanded. “This place…it was bad enough when the Everfree was right next door, I lost my husband in a rouge thunderstorm, and just in the past year and a half we have to deal with little bug things that eat ponies out of house and home, dragons that live in town-”

Twilight stomped her hoof on the ground. “Spike didn’t mean to do any of that!”

“Which makes it even worse!” the mother went on. “What happens when its time for his next birthday? Or Hearths Warming. Or LUNCH? You feed him jewels, and dragons horde jewels! We were all warned by the mayor not to ever give Spike anything or he could run amok again!”

The little announcement made Twilight wince. “He didn’t hurt anypony,” she mumbled weakly.

“Oh I guess seeing your home destroyed like mine doesn’t hurt?” Berry demanded while Twilight looked away and Rainbow became a mix of anger and sympathy. “Losing my house that I spent the best years of my life in, that I raised my daughter in, I stayed here even after I had my foal because I love this town but…now you-you just let monsters roam around, AND ONE OF THEM IS RUNNING THE PLACE!”

As Berry pointed a hoof in my direction, I had to repress the urge to smack it away and fire back some verbal ammunition. She’s just upset, and rightfully so. She’s just upset. She’s upset, and not thinking clearly. After taking a little breath, I reached out and lowered the earth pony’s hoof without breaking anything of hers for making Twilight remember Spike and putting her in a depressed mood. But with Rainbow looking like she wanted to clobber the earth pony, I actually decided violence wasn’t the option for once.

“I understand what it’s like to lose a home,” I told her in a heavy tone before taking another calming breath. “But Twilight has offered to fix your house and…your daughter is in school here. I know you’ve probably thought about what it’ll do to her if you move. So…here’s my offer, give it a week. You’re upset and that’s no time to be making major decisions about your life. If you still want to move out after that…I’ll personally provide you with the value of your home, plus however much extra you need to get settled in another city.”

I doubted she would though. Crazy theory or no, ponies really did seem to be herd animals. They didn’t do much on their own, and I knew Berry had plenty of friends in town that weren’t going anywhere. She’d calm down, and that pony need for others being around would force her to stay.

For a moment, Berry just looked at the two of us while the anger just drained out of her, and she slumped. “Okay,” she agreed softly before looking back up to me and Twilight. “Um…about what I said…about…um…everything. I…”

Twilight held up a hoof. “It’s okay,” she told the mare. “And we’ll reimburse you for the hotel room too.” A second later, and she was looking over to me. “Now let’s go fix a house.”

“Hey Rainbow, you wanna come with, or just…”

“Might as well,” she mumbled before she got into the air. “I can’t believe I’m taking time off from flying, but…flying in a circle day after day is getting kind of boring.”

I started to head out the door. “We could help change up the course for you,” I offered. “Don’t want to get too set in your flight plan in case the course at the Games is different or something.”

The flight back to Berry’s house was mostly done in silence. Probably because of what we could see just a minute into the trip, and a question that Twilight just had to ask.

“So um…you lost your house, once?”

I let out a loud sigh and shook my head. “It happened when I was a…young. To be honest, I didn’t really understand the major significance of it at the time, or how it affected the other members of my family. But…when I was a lot older, the house my brother was living in was also burned down.”

Rainbow let out a snort. “What is it with you and fire?”

If it had been anyone else asking that question, I probably would have lost it. As it was, I knew Rainbow was just finding the irony of the situation and laughing at it. Gallows humor, or something like it.

It took me a good minute to manage an answer that wouldn’t make her cry and didn’t involve grabbing her by the scruff of her neck to shout in her face. “The first one was just an electrical problem, no pony was to blame. My brother’s house…another human, just a foal…well, an older foal but not an adult, decided what it was like to burn down a house or two. So, from what I remember of the news report, it was some well off child, not really rich but…he sure as hay never had to work for anything. He faked an illness, waited till everyone was away at work, then threw bottles full of a flammable liquid onto a few of the houses in his neighborhood, onto the carpets inside, and set them on fire.” Not the exact story, but ponies didn’t really have a word for molotov cocktail.

I had to choke down the rising anger when we landed, and I started lifting some of the debris. “My brother lost everything he owned.”

Twilight came to stand beside me and started moving a few of the heavier objects with her magic. This that were broken got put back together, and we started clearing out the house so she could put it all back together. “Why would any…human do that.”

“Same reason Discord does what he does,” I growled. “Because to Discord, to that boy, doing things like that is fun.” I would have said ponies were different at the core and would never understand how something could think like that, but…Diamond Tiara was the same way. What connected them all was simple: the lack of needing others. Money or magic, it didn’t matter. Kindness was one thing, but unneeded kindness was just ego stroking. And Discord was getting that from Fluttershy in spades. Once he got tired of it, he’d turn on her.

In another sense, he already had with how he tried to murder Rainbow Dash. But of course that was all an ‘accident’ and he didn’t mean for something that doesn’t appear anywhere else in Equestria to show up and try and do his dirty work for him.

“Okay enough doom and gloom,” Rainbow Dash told me before he nabbed a picture out of the wreckage. “So um…are the princesses coming over tonight?”

I looked up at Dash as she continued to go through the top part of the house. “That’s tonight?”

“Yep, another one Rarity’s going to miss,” Twilight told me.

“But, it…wait, Rarity? What happened with Rarity?” I asked.

Twilight looked over to me with a confused expression. “Don’t you remember how she wants to…um…get together with my brother?”

A chuckle came from up from above us, and I looked up to see Dash as she came in for a landing to set a collection of pictures down on the ground. “Yeah…I don’t think the three of them are going to do things as fast as we do Egghead.”

Twilight laughed in agreement. “Although Rainbow…I guess I’m even faster than you since somepony is still-”

I sighed. “Twilight, please don’t start with the virgin jokes.” Pressuring me into sex was one thing, Dash… it wouldn’t end well. “No pressure,” I reminded her.

The alicorn kissed Rainbow on the cheek. “Sorry, but…” She reached up and tapped her horn. “I really do want to test out the idea that bigger is better, and somepony refuses to let me validate my that theory.”

When Twilight started getting scientific, I knew she was getting ready for a full verbal debate, or what most other couples would call a fight. We apparently didn’t have those. We had civilized debates with a lot fancy words and alliteration. “Look, doing it as a girl and having you um…you know, use your tongue,” I managed to say before my embarrassment over the whole thing made me collect myself. “I-I can handle. Horns and other, long and hard objects are a bit…um…no. Just no.”

Twilight stared at me for a few seconds, and then she rolled her eyes and broke into a little smile. “I know, I know. It’s just, I doubt we would have ever gotten anywhere if not for me dragging you into bed that night,” the alicorn told me before she looked over to Rainbow. “And I don’t mean to pressure you Rainbow. But I do want to share all of this with you too.”

For her part, the pegasus gulped. “I-I know Twilight. And um…well…” Rainbow cut herself off and looked away.

It was so damn cute, I couldn’t resist. “I’ll have to agree with you on that one Twilight,” I said as I walked up to Rainbow and nuzzled her. “But if you want to wait, it’s okay Rainbow. No pressure.” While I did have plenty of sexual fantasies involving myself and Twilight on top of a Rainbow Dash that we made sing a song of pleasure, all of them involved a willing pegasus. As much as I wanted her, she needed to say yes first.

Kissing and nuzzling was okay, she didn’t shy away from any of that, but…anything more than cuddling in bed and she had us back off. So far at least.

Twilight took her other side, and we both put our wings over the pegasus’s back before getting a little bit through the introductory phase of aforementioned fantasies.

A few minutes later, and Twilight carried the rubble of Berry’s house back into town along with the roof that had drifted pretty far away from town before whatever magic Discord had put on it wore off and it came crashing down. After the little goddess managed to put the place back together, she set everything inside more or less where it had been thanks to another spell that allowed her to put everything in its proper place. Apparently, all those re-shelving days had finally gotten to her, and Twilight found a much quicker solution.

As the last of the magic finished the repairs, Twilight turned back to us and let out a breath I wasn’t aware she was holding. “Wow, that was tough.”

“Tougher than a dam?” I asked. There was no way the house could have weighed more than all that rock.

Twilight frowned. “Big is easy, and dams aren’t as complex as the entire interior of a house. Control is a lot harder than just throwing power around. I think I feel a headache coming on,” she said before sighing and reaching up to touch her horn. “I need to go lay down.”

Rainbow was by the mare’s side in an instant. “You need a hoof getting back home? Flying with a headache is a pain.”

They shared a kiss that the alicorn began, and Twilight shook her head. “I’ll be fine. The library still has a bed, and it’s a short walk. Just give me time for a nap and I’ll be good as new. Fae, I’ll need some help getting to sleep though.”

“You sure that’s all you want to do in bed Twilight?” I asked with a smile before walking up behind the two of them to put a wing around them both when I made my way between the couple. Your bed’s a little small for three mares but, I’m sure we could figure out something, right Dashie?” A kiss to Twilight’s cheek, followed by some nuzzling to Dash got an annoyed groan from the alicorn, and another blush from Rainbow before I whispered into the pegasus’s ear. “Just give us the word, and we’ll do it Dash.”

I knew I shouldn’t have done the teasing bit, but…Dash was so damn cute when she got embarrassed, and Twilight was one affectionate pony when she got going. Despite that purple pony princess’s IQ, she had a rather simple view of relationships. If Twilight liked someone, she got real physical.

Dash continued to blush as she talked. “I…um…”

“What happened to not pressuring her?” Twilight asked with a little smirk.

I shrugged. “What can I say? You mention bed, and Rainbow’s cute flank’s waving around in front of me so…I couldn’t resist,” I told Twilight before I felt a tiny bit of a flinch beneath my wing coming from the pegasus and a spike in a mix of emotions that I could only call unease.

The response from Rainbow made me kill all thoughts of playfulness at once, and I looked over to her in concern. “Dash, are you okay?”

She gulped. “Yeah I’m fine.”

Thankfully, Twilight had been around me long enough to read my expressions, and could see that something was wrong. But I gave her a slight move of my head to tell her I’d try and handle it. No need to get the girl worried when her head was already hurting.

A late lunch for me had Twilight out by the time me and Dash left the room.

Then it came time to move the clouds around with my magic and…well, let’s just say that the annoyance of having to gently move something around with magic that was more geared towards crushing skulls than handling kittens helped me get enough anger keep my magic focused. And dealing with brats for an hour in a previous life before having to get a whole different group allowed me to feel one thing while sounding completely at ease. So our conversation wasn’t affected by my mood.

On top of which, the fact that I was alone with her meant I could hopefully get to the bottom of this whole mess.

“Hey Rainbow, is something wrong?”

Of course, it being more than ten seconds after I picked up on something, Rainbow had bounced back to her usual self of denial. “No.”

For moment, I had to weigh the options of reminding her about the empathy thing, or just start randomly making suggestions and see if anything stuck. Since I doubted she wanted to be reminded of the fact I was constantly butting into her head, on purpose or not, I decided to go with option two.

“Is it the affection stuff?” I asked. “The kissing, and wing-hugs, and nuzzling?” I held up my hooves. “I can totally tone it down if you want.”

Rainbow’s cheeks went red. “No that stuff’s cool,” she said before looking away. “Do you like it when I um…do that stuff to you?”

For some reason, I had the feeling she had this conversation before with Twilight. Considering how they had been on a date for at least a little bit of the day…it was very possible the purple pony had established some kind of guidelines from the get go as to what was off limits and what was allowed. Hell, I would have been disappointed if my Twi didn’t pull a stunt like that.

The fact that Rainbow was getting all cute and flustered over it sent a little flutter through my heart. “Of course I do,” I told her before adding, “but the last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. Your happiness, and that of the girls, and even the ponies of this town…it means the world to me. So if you’re just doing it to try and make me happy-”

Rainbow’s eyes went wide and I got a spike of panic coming from her. “No! I like kissing you!” she said quickly, turning her head towards me for a second before she looked away again. “It’s just…why me?

“I asked Twilight when we were on our date, and she was all because I taught her how to fly, and always put everything into what I do, and a bunch of other stuff I didn’t really get. And I can kind of get her getting all…egghead about it, and she’s…well…she’s got big wings, so…um… But…you’re, well…you.”

It took me a good minute to decode Rainbow’s Dashese, and even then it seemed pretty incomplete. “Um…what about Twilight?” I asked while still trying to figure out just what the hell Rainbow was saying. All I could gather was it involved big wings which…may have had something to do with her looks.

But that was a definite maybe.

Once again, Rainbow’s nervousness went up, and she looked away. “Never mind, just forget about it.” I caught sight of her legs bending, and quickly wrapped her up in a magical field before she could take off. “H-Hey! No fair! Lemme go!”

I took a breath and concentrated on holding Dash as gently as I could while keeping the grip hard enough so she couldn’t move away. The annoyance I felt from her struggling made it easy enough, not to mention the anger I had at myself for damaging her fragile ego by just snatching her up like a helpless child.

“I’ll let you go when you listen to me for a second,” I told her, which made the pegasus stop struggling and focus her attention on me. Then I had to force myself to stop frowning, and gave her the best understanding look I could manage. “Rainbow, I promise that I will never be angry at you for being honest with me, or make fun of what you think and feel as long as you are. So please, open up to me. I don’t care how silly or uncool a little sentence or two is going to make you sound for a few seconds, because I know the big picture of Rainbow Dash is one that shows the coolest, and most amazing pegasus in Equestria. Okay?”

Rainbow didn’t take up struggling again, and I let her go before speaking again in a soft tone. “Now…what were you saying about Twilight?”

She gulped. “Okay look, I know Twilight’s got a nice pair and all, but…that’s pretty much all she’s got. Well, maybe the horn too, but…I’m not really into that length things, big wings are more my thing,” Dash got out before she cleared her throat. “So, I mean…I can totally understand her going for somepony like me but you…come on! You had your pick of stallions before this whole family herding thing…and now you’ve got your pick of anypony in Equestria. So…”

I held up a hoof and thought over what the pegasus had just said. “Wait, what do you mean? I know Twilight’s not…um…supermodel or anything, but…”

“You really don’t know?” Rainbow asked. “Okay, her wings are awesome and I love them, but…well, she’s got some more muscle up front and all but…Twilight’s kind of um...a lot of ponies think she’s…well…”

The word that first came to my mind made we want to kick myself in the crotch for even thinking of it. “Below average?” I suggested.

“Way below.”

Somehow, I managed to keep myself from killing Rainbow on the spot. Still, I tensed in anger and let out a growling snort though. Even Rainbow Dash wasn’t allowed to call Twilight Sparkle ugly.

But…I didn’t hurt her or anything.

Mostly because it was what she said next.

“I’m below average.”

That little bit of what Rainbow thought about herself, I just…snapped. My voice became a growl. “What the buck are you talking about?”

“Oh come on!” she exclaimed. “Twilight may not give a buck about stuff like this, but you’re practically the hottest thing on four legs with wings! How in the hay can you…just…be with a pony like me? Twilight’s a princess and all, so that really makes up some points for you…maybe…but…”

I…wasn’t sure what to do. Sure Celestia had given me a crash course in pony looks but…everything I knew said Rainbow was fucking hot. She didn’t have a big flank like Tia, or big wings like Twilight, or a perfectly styled mane like Rarity and Fluttershy, but she was still beautiful. Her body was athletic perfection.

So that was what I decided to tell her. “Rainbow, what’re you talking about? You’re perfect. I love you for your mind too but…every inch of your body is, it’s perfect.”

“Yeah right,” she grumbled before her wings extended to their maximum, and she looked back to where her wings met body.

I had to take in a calming breath, and then I sat down. “Okay Rainbow…I don’t really get what’s going on here, but…what’s so wrong with the way you look? I think you and Twilight are perfect.”

Rainbow sighed again and looked at the ground for a few seconds, then back up at me with a mix of hope and fear filling her eyes, and my nose. “You…really mean that…don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” I told her.

“Why?”

I frowned. “What?”

Rainbow cleared her throat and looked away. “What is it you like about me so much?”

That…caught me off guard. I was pretty sure she was talking physically so… “Everything,” I told her before I moved up to knock some of her hair out of her eyes. “Your mane is awesome, even if you never do more than comb it.” I went down to rub my hoof across her back as I moved to her rear. “Your wings are strong and your plot is…”

I stopped before I put my hooves on Rainbow’s butt, and she looked back at me with a frown. “What?”

“Sorry, human thing,” I told her before moving my feelers down to run across Rainbow’s ass. “And I love your plot. It’s tight, firm…just perfect.” Then I kissed her where tail met back. “But all of that’s nothing compared to what’s inside you Rainbow. You don’t give up, or accept anything but being the best you can be, but…not in a destructive way, or at least not anymore. And you try and do it with other ponies too. When it comes time for them to shine, you cheer louder than any pony else. That’s what I really love about you Dash. You may have gotten the loyalty element, but you are so much more than just some pony that stands next to her friends.”

Rainbow’s face became pure red, and I was let wondering just how the hell ponies did that through their coats for the hundredth time before beating it down back into the don’t ask about weird shit vault next to Luna’s night skies. “…thanks,” she mumbled.

There was also something else I needed to talk to her about. Considering her questions and the way she had been hesitating, it was definitely about her looks, and since there was no way Rainbow Dash would ever think of herself as anything less than amazing, that only meant that someone else had torn into her pride.

But…I sure as hell wasn’t going to be picking at what was obviously an open wound on Rainbow’s pride at the moment. What she needed was a nice little ego boost. So I circled back around to her face, and lifted it up with a hoof before giving her a kiss that would have let me know what she had for breakfast if my taste buds had been working. Feeling she still had all her teeth despite numerous crashes was good enough for me though.

By the time we broke contact, Rainbow was breathing hard, and I had half a dozen fantasies running through my head. “Now how about you get that hot plot of yours into the air so I can watch it shake around,” I whispered into her ear. “I love watching you fly way more than those wannabe fliers that call themselves the Wonderbolts.”

We spent about two and a half hours at the track. Although I will admit that seeing her fly around was more engaging than the Wonderbolts because of the danger of crashing, after she flew through the whole course a couple of times without trouble, I started to get bored again. I lasted an hour before getting so bored and got Rainbow to let me try a run.

That turned out to be a mistake since I ended up with clipped wings, rings in need of fixing, and an encouraging pegasus that wouldn’t let me stop until I ran through the track right, at a decent time. I used up about half the energy I took putting Twilight down for her nap by the time it was over, but getting my hooves on Rainbow after everything was said and done was worth it.

Oh, she was sweaty, kind of ripe, had a few bugs tangled in her mane and even her breath reeked a little, but she was happy. That was all that mattered to me.

The time for our weekly dinner came soon after we got Twilight up.

A little bird delivered a message that read Fluttershy wasn’t going to make it because she was taking care of Discord. As for the princesses, they showed up an hour early since it was their turn to bring the food. It was covered silver platter after covered silver platter that kept a little sparkle of Celestia’s magic around it even after she set it down.

“There’s a keeping on the food that will dispel when we open it. So everything will be nice and fresh,” Celestia explained when she noticed me looking at the spell closely. “Now, is Sunset here? I was hoping to visit with her a little before we got down to business.”

Rainbow raised a hoof. “Uh Princess, I thought we were here for a party.”

The goddess giggled, then suddenly stopped to glare at Luna before the other alicorn got within reaching distance of the tray marked ‘dessert’. When Luna rolled her eyes and backed off, Tia turned her attention back to us. “First off, it’s just Celestia when we’re together like this Rainbow, and I was wanting to know how it is going with your relationship.”

I groaned. “I told you Tia, I’m not gossiping about the three of us again.”

“What do you want to know Princess?” Twilight asked right on top of me, and happily at that.

Tia looked at me for a moment, then rolled her eyes. “Honestly Omnifarious, there is a bit more to my interest than simple gossip. You are the first three ponies to attempt such a union, and seeing as how the future of Equestria may rest on my little ponies to form cohesive family units, I am very interested in the progress of your relationship.”

The family units jab made me wince. Apparently, Tia was still a little put off by my idea of pony sperm donors that I had mentioned the night before. It was just more pony thinking that clashed with human ideas. While she did admit to its ‘breeding potential’ foals not getting to know their true fathers and the insemination process didn’t sit too well with her.

Twilight blushed. “We’re doing great,” she said before stepping over to the pegasus beside her and putting a wing across Rainbow’s back. “Rainbow and I went on our first date the other day, and…I realized today that…” Her blush deepened and I picked up a deep-rooted scent of affection coming off Twilight as she looked over to Rainbow. “It’s going to work out between us. Still working on the how and some of the mechanics but…definitely going to work out. I think so, at least.”

That caught my attention as Twilight looked over to Rainbow with an expression I couldn’t see.

But being in Equestria, I didn’t get a chance to follow my curiosity because Sunset decided to come in at that moment and looked around. “Oh…um…hey everybody.”

“I’m glad to hear it Twilight,” the big goddess told the smaller one before she looked over to the human and trotted over while just oozing an excited nervousness like she always got around the girl. “Sunset, we’ve got some time and…I’m ready to plan out our schedule for next week, if you want.”

And so, a bit of sadness crept into Twilight’s Scent.

Sunset glanced over to the three of us for a second, and gave us…or more likely, the real alicorn among us an apologetic look before she turned her full attention to Celestia. “Sure thing…Mom.”

As the two disappeared through the door Sunset had come from, I let out a sigh and looked over to Twilight. “You going to be okay? I know you’ve got some…issues with the whole relationship between Tia and Sunset-”

“I’m okay,” Twilight assured me. “Besides…what Sunset has with Celestia, it’s not for me.”

Dash just gave us a confused look, and I returned one that promised an explanation later.

“A wise decision Twilight Sparkle,” Luna’s voice cut into our little moment before I heard the sound of a lid being lifted off a try. “Oooo brownies. Most agreeable!”

The three of us turned around in time to see the elegant and graceful goddess of the moon pick up a large chunk of fudge and stuff so much of the still steaming hot food into her mouth that her cheeks puffed out. “Any of you wish to try some before dinner?”

As bits of crumbs flew out her mouth before Luna finished talking and gulped the whole thing down, I didn’t know weather to find Best Princess’s table manners cute, or just plain disturbing. She was supposed to be from the time of super uppity prim and proper after all.

“No thank you Princess-”

“Luna,” the goddess corrected before Twilight could finish. “We…as in Celly and I, told you all that our titles matter not this night every week.”

I frowned at the oddity. “Wait a second, called her…you mean Celestia really does have a nickname? And I guessed the wrong end? Buck!”

Luna giggled. “Oh yes, and I must say she was quite put off with the fact you chose the rear end of her name,” she replied before her smile became more subdued and the eyes of the goddess with from mirthful to soft. “At least until you enchanted her. Now I think she finds it delightful.”

The comment mad about putting a spell on Tiae me freeze and tense. Best Princess or not, saying something like that…it really got me in a pissed off kind of mood. I stomped my hoof on the ground and frowned at the alicorn. “Whoa, time out! I haven’t done anything like that to Tia! And I never will! Just because she gets into my head every night doesn’t mean I mess with hers!”

In response, Luna’s eyes widened. “No, you misunderstand! I didn’t mean um…oh dear… We should talk of this later.” she mumbled before looking over to Twilight. “Um…Twilight! What I was meaning to say earlier was that you are wise not to want my sister to consider you family. Honestly, that mare is such a worry wart when it comes to family…she wouldn’t leave me alone for a week after I returned from my banishment, and in the time before my mantle was restored, I had five visits from her a night. To be part of my family means Celestia worries over and babies you to no end. She kept me away from the kitchens for a week so I did not become curious about the non-flaming stoves, and you do not wish me to even begin the tale of how she attempted to hide the existence of electricity from me.”

“Yeah, Tia’s as bad at worrying as Twilight is half the time! I KNOW!” I shouted at the night goddess. “Big deal! More importantly, what the hay are you even talking about me using mental magic on Tia? I would NEVER do something like that to her, or any pony else!”

Although, what Luna said… I knew Equestrians didn’t have a harsh a view on mind fucking as humans did. Hell, they could not even care about it at all as long as the ponies involved her happy! But the way she brought it up just made me...become very disturbed. And that was after I managed to keep my emotions in check.

Luna had the audacity to groan. “You can not be serious.”

Twilight stepped between the two of us and cleared her throat. “Fairy, would you please stop shouting,” she said with…well, pony’s had a version of ‘the look’ that Twilight had kind of become adept at it since we started dating. Then she looked over to Luna. “And how in the hay can you insult her like that? Don’t you know how humans feel about mind control? I’m pretty sure I put it in my human report to Princess Celestia!”

“You misunderstand-”

“It’s the most heinous crime a human can commit! Sort of,” Twilight added hesitantly after a moment of angry exclamation.

Rainbow frowned. “Say what?”

Before I could say anything, Twilight went into lecture mode, and I didn’t even want to try stopping that. “The community of humans that Fae is from value freedom and choice at a level that borders on fanaticism!”

Feeling the need to defend my race, I let out a groan. “Well I wouldn’t put it like that.”

“Point is, my fillyfriend doesn’t mind control other ponies!” Twilight told the other alicorn. “No influence, no memory alteration, or even basic tweaking to put me in the mood! SHE WON’T DO IT FOR ANY REASON AT ALL! So don’t you DARE accuse her of it!”

Luna didn’t seem to take the aggressive response very well. She slammed her own hoof into the ground hard enough to crack the ground. “WE ARE NOT ACCUSING YOUR BELOVED OF MENTAL MANIPULATION!” the alicorn shouted in something that sounded a little less than the Canterlot Voice.

Twilight actually backed off a bit at that.

Then the pegasus stepped in. “But you said-”

Rainbow got cut off when Luna glared at her hard enough to drop the pegasus from the air. Then she faced me and Twilight again.

“Enchanted as in smitten you foals!”

…

Twilight went motionless.

…

Rainbow… “Wuja, budna, huh?”

…

My mind took a few seconds to process the words, and…I looked over to Twilight. “Um…Twilight…please tell me smitten is…um…”

“Overcome with a great attraction to somepony,” the replied in an almost robotic tone. And my hopes of another snob debacle, or Canterlot Snob to be precise, ended rather abruptly.

Then we all just went back to standing there until a new voice came into the room from above us, although not too high. It was just about six feet or so up. “Sister, thank you of informing them of my romantic desires far too soon into their relationship with Rainbow Dash.”

Luna looked up just a little bit at the larger alicorn, and I turned my head around to see Celestia’s deadpan expression. “Sister! Um…you are done visiting with our newest family member? It seems a bit early for-”

“I placed a cookie jar enchantment on the dessert tray to tell me if you attempted sneak any brownies beforehoof,” Celestia explained. “I had thought to catch you red-hoofed, although when I heard the yelling and quickened my pace-”

“HERD!” Twilight shouted right in my ear. The noise made me jump back along with Rainbow before the little goddess faced the larger. “Celestia. You…want…it…okay, breath not coming, and, yep…world spinning...now. Night everypony,” she said before her legs wobbled and Twilight took a tumble.

She barely fell at all before being wrapped up in the golden glow of the sun goddess. “And this is why I wanted to break it to them gently,” Celestia said before she looked over to the wide-eyed pegasus. “Not to mention you.”

I…couldn’t think of anything to say. Mostly because it kind of sounded like Celestia had some kind of intentions for the three of us. Intentions of the romantic kind. I mean, if you could belive what the alicorn said.

“Well come along you two, best to have Twilight to a bed before she comes to,” Celestia told us as if Twilight having a fucking panic attack was some kind of everyday occurrence.

Considering how well she was taking it, and Twilight’s personality…I was kind of afraid it might have been. “Luna, I’m taking the brownies with me.”

The other goddess sighed. “Very well. We still have some time, I believe I shall go get better acquainted with my new niece.”

“Are you coming Omnifarious?”

Celestia’s question managed to snap me out of my bystander mode, and I glared at her. “Wait a second, what the buck do you mean by romantic intentions?”

Despite what television and video games tell us, unwanted unconsciousness doesn’t really last that long. Certainly not long enough to finish a level if you choke someone out. For a panic-induced brain emergency shutdown, Twilight managed to stay out of it a good five minutes before coming to.

That, and the walk to our bedroom allowed me time to get my act together, come up with questions, and…rail against the insanity of this whole situation. Tia couldn’t have romantic intentions towards anyone! It was just so many levels of…wrong!

She was a princess. The fucking chief deity of Equestria. Well over a thousand years old, and had infallible knowledge!

A booty call, I could buy. Tia bragged about those in a disinterested way that told me they were just that: cheap thrills of a goddess waning some nookie through the millennia. That, I could understand, but… “Princess Celestia,” I spoke, getting an odd look from the alicorn standing at the foot of the bed, something between curiosity and annoyance for using her title. To be honest, I think it was the first time I actually did. “You want to…um…” I didn’t know how to finish my question.

Mostly because IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE!

“Begin a romantic relationship with the three of you? Yes.” Celestia finished in her usual voice. “However, I had no intentions of doing such a thing while you were all cementing your bonds with Rainbow Dash.” She let out a sigh and shook her head. “I had hoped to approach the three of you in two months, after everything had settled down and the three of you had become accustomed to each other. By then, I had hoped to find other inroads to the three of you with my friendship and have us learn about each other on a more personal level.”

A rather sickening thought entered my mind. “Uh, Tia…did you just make this whole herding thing because you wanted to…um…get in on the action?”

For a moment, the goddess was silent. Then her body moved ever so slightly, and her mouth puffed out a second before she let out a laugh. “You…you think…you think I planned something like this?” she asked between giggles. “All for…getting the three of you?” Another round of laughter had me feeling kind of embarrassed, and I looked across the bed to Dash for support, but she still looked pretty damn lost. But then, it wasn’t every day your patron sun goddess said she wanted to get busy with you. “Not to mention the marriage idea was developed from something you told me,” Tia went on.

“Fine,” I agreed with a groan. Several nights with Tia revealed the extent of her master manipulations were: invite four ponies that didn’t know how to behave at an high class social gathering and one emotionally overdone fashionista and watch the fireworks. However, I was hardly done. “But…why Twilight?” Age difference aside, Tia had been Twilight’s teacher for years. To be honest, it was a little…okay, extremely creepy.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “You can’t be serious,” she replied. “Twilight is a lovely mare. She’s intelligent, studious, hard working, and how many times have I heard you comment on her adorableness now?”

“She’s your student,” I pointed out.

Despite the obvious and logical moral dilemma I had just presented her with, Celestia gave me a confused expression. “And?” she asked.

While that little lack of response had me floored, the goddess went on. “To be accurate, she is no longer my student, and an adult in her own right. In fact, two of my former relationships had been with former students and I have found them some of the strongest bonds I ever forged.”

That…didn’t really help my personal opinion of the situation. Although, I could understand why Tia didn’t kick me out of her school after Twilight enrolled in the class I was offering. Equestrian culture…right, I reminded myself. Despite several…similarities, the ponies were an alien race, and some of their moral guidelines were just fucking out there.

“Uh…Princess?”

We both looked over to Rainbow Dash, who had apparently come out of her shock. To be honest, I had kind of forgotten she was there. Next to Pinkie, that girl was the loudest of the group and spoke her mind more than most.

Celestia sighed, most likely at the use of her title, and addressed the pegasus. “Yes Rainbow Dash?”

“Okay um…I get Twilight…with you both being…uh, good at magic, and friends since like, she was five or something,” Rainbow said. “And Fae’s hot, and kind of cool when she wants to be. But um…”

She stopped but…I could hear the ‘why me?’ at the end easily enough. And…I had to agree with the question. Despite the oddity of Twilight and Celestia as a couple, the two of them had more in common than not, and…hell, I had seen what Tia was really like underneath the crown. Deduct a little height and a few thousand years of experience, and she practically WAS Twilight Sparkle.

But Rainbow? Sure, I adored the pegasus for everything she was, but it did make me wonder if Tia was just doing it because the three of us were a package deal. The idea that Celestia was willing to do the ‘oh yeah, I’ll take you too out of necessity to get the ones I really want’ made me want to scream ‘THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH POLYGAMY YOU IDIOT’ before I told her to fuck off.

As the goddess looked down at the little pony, Rainbow gulped a second before Tia’s gaze softened considerably. “You mean besides the fact you have always supported your friends, barely ever looked at my crown, constantly work to be the best you can be, and have a lovable sense of humor that I simply adore? Not to mention that wonderful accomplishment of yours as a filly. The second pony to ever do a Sonic Rainboom, and only pegasus to achieve such a feat. While I usually put more weight on a pony’s intentions than their actions, your achievement does leave me rather amazed. And I have to admit that I have always found athletes to be extremely pleasing to the eye.”

I…had to retract my previous mental statement.

“W-What?” Rainbow stuttered.

“She thinks you’re hot,” I supplied before Rainbow went back to being stunned, and as for me… I looked back to Tia. The last few moments were pretty overwhelming to say the least, and something told me that we were about to go through it all again when Twilight woke up in a few minutes, so I retreated back to familiar territory: good old human curiosity. I raised my hoof. “Uh question…if Rainbow was the second pony to ever do the Sonic Rainboom, then who was the first?”

What can I say? Finding shit out about ponies was comfortable ground, and I was still a fan. Living among them may have stopped my fandom squees, but I still wanted to know everything I could.

Celestia went back to looking down at me, and raised an eyebrow. “My mane is blowing around right in front of your face, and you can’t figure that one out?” the goddess asked.

Rainbow blinked. Like me, the return to somewhat familiar territory had apparently helped Dash out of the daze she had been from hearing a goddess declare her affections. “You did the first Sonic Rainboom?”

The question actually brought a blush to Tia’s cheeks, and she looked away. “Yes, well...the colors were a bit different with mine, and it was when I was much younger. Not to mention…more aerodynamic. I’m afraid I’ve gotten a little lazy in my old age,” she said before looking back. “A teleport here, a sky carriage ride there. To be honest, I’d much prefer to travel under my own power but…a princess doesn’t tarnish her image with such acts. Blech!”

As Tia stuck her tongue out in a fake retch, Rainbow giggled, and Twilight moaned before speaking. “Ugh, my head.”

All noise stopped, killing our conversation, and the three of us turned to look at Twilight. I spoke first. “Hey Twilight, you okay?”

“Fae?” she said before sitting up and looking over to me, proving to me once again that pony bone structures were much more flexible than that of your average horse. “I had the weirdest dream. Princess…um…” The words stopped, and I had to wonder through her rising embarrassment if Twilight was actually going to tell me she dreamed about Tia declaring her undying love for the little purple alicorn.

Which made me wonder if I could just keep Twilight thinking it really was a dream. Celestia was right in saying that it was way too soon to even attempt adding another pony to what was already a complicated mess. Even if we did decide to go for it months from now…which we wouldn't. I mean, the idea of Celestia being with anyone else was just…so foreign to my mind that I didn’t even know how to process it.

Not to mention Twilight’s reaction to the whole thing. She had kind of grown up with Celestia. I understood how some people could develop crushes on others in such positions, but…they usually died out pretty fast. The thought of Twilight wanting to pursue a relationship with Celestia was even more odd of an idea than Tia going after Twilight.

“Uh yeah,” Rainbow Dash spoke up. “That wasn’t a dream. Celestia really does want to join the herd.”

And thus, all my hopes of just putting all of this crap on the back burner till we got everything else settled when up in smoke. Sometimes, I really hated my little Dashie’s big mouth.

Twilight’s eyes went wide, and for some reason her face turned almost white. “Celestia wants to…” Slowly, she slowly turned her head towards the goddess standing at the foot of her bed, and I had to wonder if Twilight had even noticed her before Rainbow Dash spoke. “You want…to…” she got out before gulping.

From where she was standing, Tia…drew in on herself. It wasn’t anything major, just a decline of her head and pullback of her hooves, but for a creature that always stood to her full height proudly, the lack of her presence was very noticeable. “I did not mean for you to find out this way, Twilight. Please, forgive me.”

“F-For what?” Twilight asked tentatively.

Tia let out a little sigh, and her normally firm eyes became sorrowful. “As I told your friends, I wanted to give you time to adjust to Rainbow Dash’s presence in your lives, and yours in hers before attempting to offer myself to the three of you as a…potential companion.”

I got a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when Twilight froze, and her wings suddenly extended in a forceful flap to just lay spread out behind her.

“Really Twilight?” Rainbow asked as she smirked. “I thought you got those things under control after all our training.”

Twilight’s face turned red, and ever so slowly, her wings went back to a prone position. “That…um…” She gulped and looked up at the larger alicorn. “Princess Celestia, you mean you want to…to be…with…m-me?”

At the other side of the bed, Tia let out a sigh. “When you can stop calling me Princess, and simply Celestia.”

I opened my mouth to tell everyone to hold it, but Twilight started talking before I could.

“I can do that!” she insisted before falling forward on all fours and trotting up to the bigger pony to stare at her in the face thanks to the added height of the bed. “Celestia! T-Tia! See? I did it just then!”

I started to get a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach as I caught Twilight’s confusing Scent of fear, hope and restrained joy. It was...well, with that combined with the expression on her face, Twilight looked about like a girl who had just found out her favorite movie star wanted to bang her or something. In that light, the whole exchange when from just a bit creepy to downright disturbing.

The look on Rainbow’s face became a little pensive, and she got into the air. “Uh…Twilight?”

When she didn’t respond, I walked up to her and spoke a little louder. “Wait a minute. You’re actually okay with this?”

Twilight looked down at me in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I be? Princess Celestia is-I mean Celestia is-she’s just the most amazing pony in Equestria!” she said before beginning to list just why that was.

As Twilight continued to go on about how amazing Princess Celestia was and how she had a crush on her since…well, forever, I started to get a much bigger uneasy feeling in my gut that a few minutes ago, and it only got worse when I saw Celestia’s expression change to an uneasy one while Twilight continued to paint a picture of Princess Celestia that made her sound practically perfect in every way. When she was finally done, the little goddess had an almost manic gleam in her eye that just dared me to say Celestia wasn’t the personification of pony perfection. I didn’t of course. Mostly because I was pretty sure she would have killed me if I did.

Instead, I looked over to Tia while my eyes screamed ‘HELP ME’ and held my breath.

The goddess looked at the purple mare with what I could only call a thoughtful expression.

On the other side of the bed, Rainbow continued to study Twilight, and the looked over to Tia. “Uh…Celestia. Is that what I looked like when the Wonderbolts landed next to me in Cloudsdale?”

“Sort of,” Tia told her.

Personally, I didn’t think Rainbow went quite as nuts as the little alicorn was being at the moment.

Then, a little smile graced Celestia’s features, and I started to feel even worse. Much…much worse. Mainly because it was a smile I had seen on her face many times before, a smile I had dreamed of. And in those nightmares, Tia would usually put it on her much too human face got snatched up in a much too friendly hug that put me in danger of suffocation.

“Rainbow Dash,” the goddess spoke. “Would you allow me to call upon you tomorrow for lunch?”

Rainbow tilted her head in confusion. “Say what?”

Twilight became rigid.

“I want to take you out on a date tomorrow for lunch,” she explained before looking over to the other creatures in the room with horns. “As well as you Twilight, and you Omnifarious.”

Almost instantly, Twilight spun around. “Yes!”

Tia…didn’t look very pleased at the response as she backed away from Twilight to get some personal space, and moved her eyes over to Rainbow.

“Say yes Rainbow!” Twilight ordered as she scampered around to look the pegasus in her worried eyes.

Dash…gulped. “Um…okay?” she told Twilight in a tone that made her answer sound more like a question before she looked over to Celestia. “Sure thing, Celestia.”

Then, the goddess looked over at me, and I held up a hoof to stop her from asking, if just for a second. “Wait, what happened to uh…waiting?”

Celestia’s eyes flickered to Twilight for a second as the alicorn spun around to look at me. “Well, with the cat out of the bag, I think holding off on things won’t do anything for any of us. So Omnifarious, would you please allow me to treat you to lunch with your fillyfriends?”

I wanted to tell her no. Once again, it was that idea of Celestia getting close to anybody being so…wrong in my head that made me think of turning her down. Then there was the way Twilight was acting. Apparently, all the Twilestia shippers that I thought were out of their fucking minds might have been onto something and…now I was really wondering about that teacher fetish that Twilight had. Especially considering our mutual girlfriend was her flying teacher, and I… Oh God, I also doled out information on humanity, if on a extremely limited basis. It kind of put me into the whole instructor classification of person too. Not to mention the whole college professor thing I had going on.

It made me wonder if Twilight had a ‘just like Celestia’ thought or two whenever she looked at that on our respective resumes. Which was creepy in the extreme.

So I wanted to tell her no.

But, there were two little problems with that.

The first was Twilight. I didn’t want to know what she would do if I turned Tia down. The second was Tia herself. Despite the bad timing, the weird…wrongness of the situation, and everything else that was going on…I could Smell her desire for companionship was genuine. But it wasn’t just what I could detect from her at that very moment.

I looked back on things, the teasing was simply teasing but…somewhere along the line, the touches had become more affectionate without me noticing, and she had begun to hold me at night with much greater frequency, and when I had thought Rainbow had rejected me, the sun goddess of Equestria had comforted me exactly in the way I needed to be.

And…as much as I hated to admit it…

…despite the impossibility…

…or the improbability…

...not to mention the insanity of the idea…

…Princess Celestia was my best friend.

Since coming back from Tambelon, we had talked about things and laid out souls bare to each other. It may have been because I couldn’t lie to her, but…she never turned away in disgust, or did anything more than some light teasing. Even her sexual advances were more pony-human problems when it came to friendly touching than anything else…and some evil need to see me blush.

I didn’t share half of what I did with her when it came to Rainbow Dash. The two of us were just buddies that I hoped would become more. As for Twilight, even she didn’t experience some of the things me and Tia shared, and it wasn’t just the movies. I could ask of her anything, and she would be there for me. But…while I knew Twilight would always be there and do everything she could for me…there were some things she just couldn’t handle.

I blinked when I noticed Twilight looking at me out of the corner of my eye, then realized several seconds had passed since Celestia had asked her question of me. There was a bit of tension in the little goddess’s body, and I turned my full attention onto Tia before Twilight could try and ‘convince’ me to say yes like she had with Rainbow Dash.

I looked up at my best friend and smiled at the nervousness in her Scent. It was kind of fun to be on the other side of the equation for once. But I sure as hell wasn’t about to give the usual kind of response girls did when posed that question.

“It would be my honor to accept,” I replied in a low tone with a bow of my head.

Judging by her swirling emotions, Tia didn’t like the formal reply, but she didn’t let it show on her face.

“YES!” Twilight cheered as she jumped up into the air and flapped her wings a few times before they proved to be still too stiff for that stuff and she crashed back onto the ground.

Hidden from the little alicorn’s view, a slightly pensive look flashed across Celestia’s face. But it was gone a second later when she started speaking. “Come by the castle tomorrow at ten thirty, and we shall go from there.”

“Yes yes yes yes yes!”

“And Twilight?” Celestia spoke up, making the smaller princess freeze in mid excited jump and look over. “I have informed Sunset and Luna of my intentions, but I would prefer it if nopony else knew until we have passed the…preliminary stages of our courtship.”

Once again, I had to swallow down at just how BAD an idea everything I knew told me this was. They were ponies. They were…different. They could…handle…this sort of stuff.

I hoped.

“Of course!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Uh one thing,” I spoke up after Rainbow agreed to keep it quiet too. “Twilight, we have to meet your family for dinner tomorrow too…not to mention class.” I also looked over to Celestia out of the corner of my eye, but she gave me a little frown for some reason.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “We can do all three!” she assured me before her giddiness returned. “A date with Princess Celestia, visiting Spike, and class! This is going to be the best day EVER!”

This is going to be a disaster, I told myself.

The party, which was more like a weekly social gathering, went about as well as anyone could have expected. Twilight spent the whole time smiling and stealing glances at Tia while she sat between me and Rainbow. Sunset gave her recounting of our little trip to the breezie seminar, although she seemed to find sharing a bed with Fluttershy a blushable event for some reason. Luna was put off by Fluttershy’s absence thanks to Discord, and Celestia took special interest in Rarity’s absence when Twilight mentioned she had gone north on a booty call.

We played an odd version of Monopoly that was much quicker than the human version and Luna ended up winning. Then, after I watched her dance around Celestia in a gloating way that ended with the little sister shaking her ass in front of the amused big sister’s face, we all said our goodbyes and headed off to bed.

Of course Twilight seemed a little too excited to sleep…

“A date with Princess Celestia,” she said as the three of us got into our room. “We’re going on a date with Princess Celestia!”

Me and Rainbow shared a cautious look, and the pegasus put herself into the air. “Uh Twilight, you do remember Celly told us not to call her Princess anymore, right?”

Twilight looked back at Rainbow with a tiny frown. “And since when do you call her that?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Cause Celestia’s a mouthful, Twi.”

“Maybe Sparkles would be better,” I suggested with a little smile. "Or Sparky! Hey Twilight, can we call you Sparky?"

Twilight let out a little groan as she sighed. “Can we please just stick to Twilight and Celestia?”

“I will with you if you stop going on about this date,” I offered. Rainbow gave me a brief once over as if examining the offer, and nodded before she added her own stipulation.

“And you stop talking about another mare when you’ve got two of them coming into bed with you.”

Twilight’s eyes widened, and then she blushed and looked away. “You’re right. I…sorry,” she apologized before looking back to the two of us. “But you can’t say that the two of you aren’t excited about this either!”

“Not…really,” I told her truthfully. And...to be honest...I wasn't really nervous about it either. Which was weird. I mean, Tia was a hot pony that I had managed more than a few stray fantasies about since she informed me of pony looks, and I knew I should have been feeling something in the way of scared as hell. But…I wasn’t.

At least not in the way of it was a date with Tia. Now, Twilight’s mindset about the whole thing made me nervous as hell.

But spending a day with Tia?

We went on dates every night for crying out loud! Doing it during the day meant nothing.

Rainbow was a little more empathetic to Twilight’s situation. “Well…maybe,” she said. “And um…I kind of go have something else I want to talk to you girls about.”

When me and Twilight looked over to Rainbow and gave the slightly shorter girl our full attention, she took in a deep breath and steadied herself. It didn’t carry over to her Scent though. If anything, her little breathing exercise and our eyes on her just made the mare even more nervous. “I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?” Twilight asked as she raised an eyebrow.

Rainbow licked her lips nervously. “I…want to have sex with you girls tonight," she rushed out.

Oh…yeah…that would explain it, I told myself as a weight just settled on my chest thanks to Rainbow’s choice of time.

Some new nervousness of my own made me glance over at Twilight in worry. Was Rainbow just doing this because Celestia had taken Twilight’s attention, or was the desire 100% hers?

I hadn’t Smelled any hurt emotions when Tia had announced her intentions, but…having your new girlfriend get gaga over the new piece of ass in town was kind of annoying. If it wasn’t for Tia’s assurances that she was just as interested in Rainbow as the rest of us…and the pretty good reasons to back up that interest that I knew of first hand when it came to how she loved Dash’s toned body, I would have been more worried.

While Twilight simply stood there stunned for a moment, I inched close to the pegasus beside me and put a wing over her back to whisper in her ear. “Rainbow, are you sure about this?” I asked in concern. “If this is about Tia showing up and taking our attention… You don’t have anything to worry about. Please, don’t force yourself into anything you’re not ready for.”

“No, I decided we’d do it when you came back from your trip,” Rainbow told me, probably loud enough for Twilight to hear before she looked away. “Thanks for telling me though. I…thanks.”

I kissed her on the space behind her ear before whispering into it again. “I want to be with you because of the pony you are, not because of what you do for me.”

The Smell of Rainbow’s affection just skyrocketed at that as she nodded, and then a purple glow surrounded her body before Twilight carried her over to where she was standing by the bed. Thankfully, Rainbow didn’t make a fuss about it, and Twilight brought her in to give the pegasus a long kiss on the lips.

When it was over, she put her lover-to-be down on the floor, and looked into Rainbow’s eyes while I trotted over. “In that case, I need to tell you something I just decided on today too,” she said before smiling. “I love you Rainbow Dash. Really love you, more than just as a friend.”

Rainbow went red as certain parts of her mane and tail. “W-What? Why now?”

“Something you told me today,” Twilight replied before kissing her again, although much lighter this time. “It made me realize just how much you care and…I’m just sorry I didn’t see it sooner. Now hop up on the bed and lay on your back. When Fae feeds off you during sex, it makes her normal stuff feel like nothing.”

While Rainbow did as instructed, I looked over to Twilight with a raised eyebrow. “What happened today?”

“What do you mean what happened? You were there,” Twilight replied in an annoyed tone as if her vague response actually explained anything. “Now, you want left or right?”

“Left side,” I replied as Twilight left me where we were standing, still confused as hell. But all that ended fast enough when we turned our attentions to Dash after finding out how far she was willing to go with things. Twilight got very excited when she found out.

I kissed Rainbow’s right cheek, Twilight got the one on our right. She got to the lips, I kissed Dash’s neck. Twilight moved to kiss Dash’s neck, and I touched the pegasus’s tongue with mine. We worked our way down, kissing barrel, biting wings, and teasing teats before taking turns picking up to pony private parts a few times before Twilight’s horn lit up, and she repositioned herself for some oral attention on her horn while I worked on Rainbow’s lower lips.

By the time I had finished feeding off Rainbow, Twilight was more than in the mood and halfway done in the time it took for the pegasus to recover and join back in.

Then it was Rainbow again, followed by Twilight.

And by the end of the night, two extremely worn out mares passed out against me, while I was filled with more magic than I had been in…quite possibly ever.

So, full of enough magical energy to probably take down a pair of alicorns, conquer Equestria, enslave all of pony-kind.

Yet, surrounded by my unconscious lovers, I looked down at my own pony privates that were adding to our soaked sheets with their cries for attention, and sighed.

“Yeah…really should have planned this one better,” I told myself amidst the raging need for sexual desire…and forced myself to sleep.

When you’re a changeling, you don’t really sleep. Your body enters into a shutdown state to clean up a bunch of chemicals in your system that say your muscles need time to relax, and some other junk. Sleep does nothing to your conscious mind, and you’re only really half disconnected from your body.

So basically, I was still pretty horny, and inside a mental realm where it wasn’t too far away to compare me to God. And I was there for a good ten minutes loading various DVDs, or the mental representations of DVDs that were actually just memories I had of various movies I had watched during my previous life, into the player while thinking of the appearance of the other soon-to-be inhabitant of my mental landscape.

Oh good God how I did NOT want Tia to play her little sexy game with me tonight. Especially after learning about how she felt, which I was really kicking myself over now that I was alone.

I mean, I knew she felt affection towards me, but…fuck, all ponies were affectionate compared to humans! It was their thing! How the hell was I supposed to have known the difference between the romantic and the platonic?

I touched my head and moaned.

“Omnifarious? Is everything alright?”

The new presence in my mind made me look up to see the goddess standing there. As always, she was completely naked, with a body that was every inch the definition of desirable. I closed my eyes and gulped. “Tia…can you um…please put on…something?” Preferably something that was so oversized I couldn’t see anything too curvy, or nipple-like.

An immense wave of fear entered my mind from Celestia, and I looked up to see her wearing an extremely baggy pair of sweatpants and accompanying hoodie the same color as her natural coat. She looked down at herself for a few seconds, and then back up to me.

Soon, my fear mirrored hers for two very good reasons. I hadn’t actually created anything for her to wear before she appeared, and even if I had, the moment that I hadn’t been looking at her was in no way long enough for Tia to put it on.

I had willed her to be clothed, and she was.

“Did you…” She didn’t finish the question, but the fear was still there. I didn’t blame her for feeling the way she was.

I gulped, and told the outfit to go away.

It didn’t.

“Take it off,” I mumbled weakly.

She did.

I threw the stuff into the kitchen and out of sight, and did my best not to think about it.

“I wasn’t aware you were able to do that here,” Celestia said in a voice that was obviously the one she used while in court to hide her real emotions. In this case: fear. And lots of it.

I had forgotten how much coming here must have terrified a being that could only be called godlike. When we discovered that everything was fixed after Tia entered, I had guessed that fear only to the first few seconds of going to sleep, when she didn’t know if she would land here, or…somewhere else.

On top of which, she was the physically superior of us…if only because I let her be. In the time it took her to come into my dream house, I could have remade myself into something approaching the train man from the Matrix, or rearranged everything so that Tia landed in a world fifty times her size, where I could toss her in a hamster cage like she was a pet. But I let her keep that advantage. It let her feel safe.

And that safety just went out the window.

“I didn’t know I could either,” I mumbled.

That seemed to scare her even more.

“S-Sorry,” I told her while looking up into the goddess's eyes and…watching them turn compassionate again.

The fear began to flow out of her as well, and a few seconds later I could tell she was worrying about me. “It’s alright,” the goddess said before she walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. “I trust you my friend. Forgive me for a moment of foolishness.”

The fact I knew she was just saying that to make me feel more at ease really killed the mood. I looked away. “Sorry I’m not…just sorry.”

“Do you know what happened?” Tia asked me gently.

I sighed. “Not really,” I told her before reaching down to the pits of myself to pull enough courage up for the next few words. “But if you want, I can find out.”

“What do you mean?” the goddess went on, still in that calm tone that washed over me.

“Chrysalis,” I replied simply, and then took a breath. “It’s…changeling queens have certain abilities that other changelings don’t, like this mental construct thing. Things the majority of the hive can’t teach me how to use and…most of what I’ve got of stuff like this is what she told me…like you did with why ponies are attractive, and trial and error. It’s probably how you know English and can walk on two legs too. I did it, I just don’t know how.”

Celestia was silent for a moment, and a felt her unease as she moved one of her hands down to take mine, and lead me to the couch so we could both sit down. If she cared about the fact our chess game was absent, she didn’t say anything. “Why don’t you then?”

I tensed. “Because I’ll get everything else Chrysalis knew too,” I mumbled. “And all the previous changeling queens. Everything they knew, everything they plotted, everything they thought! It’s not something I want to think about. And the last time something like that happened, I started thinking ponies were sexy.” I didn’t want to start thinking ponies were food.

The last time that thought had tried to enter my head, it had been to teach what was supposed to be a blank slate drone. A changeling queen’s memoir was not the same as what got taught to babies. It was their attempt to leave their mark on the world, stamped firmly in their predecessors brain.

A pair of lips touched my forehead, and Tia pulled me in for a hug. “Then don’t. There was no harm done. And I trust you to take care of me while I sleep,” the goddess said. “Forgive an old woman for a second of foolishness.”

We sat together for a few more seconds, and then Tia released her embrace. I took my place on the far side of the couch, and she reached over to keep me from messing with the remote. “I need to talk to you about our date tomorrow.”

The remainder of that impending disaster made me have to hide a cringe. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“No, it can’t go fine,” Celestia said. “We can’t let it.”

That…made me just become completely lost. “Huh?”

“It’s Twilight,” Tia went on. “She still sees…” The goddess paused and sighed. “I adore that little girl. I adore all of you. But she still sees nothing but a crown, and a throne, and a perfect little picture she’s painted of me inside her head. Since you came up with this idea of expanded families, I had hoped to grow closer to her and Rainbow using my Sunny Skies persona. A few trips to Ponyville to meet the girls without my size, or title, or crown, and then reveal myself to all of you once you had gotten to know the real me. But that it no longer an option, and I will not be treated like some golden idol by a woman I am attempting to romance.”

“Um…okay?” I replied. It wasn’t that I disagreed with her but…the…mirth in the back of Tia’s mind was starting to worry me. “So…what then? Talk to Twilight before the date?”

Tia’s smile put a fear into me that really made me wish I hadn’t asked that question. “As if that would work," she said with a roll of her eyes. "No my friend, I intend to make tomorrow’s lunch the worst date of Twilight Sparkle’s life. And you’re going to help me.”

Another wave of panic ran through my mind, the source of it being me. “Um…but…I also um…need to talk to you about Discord.” Now that I knew there was no way in hell he could listen in to us, there were some events that I needed to make Celestia aware of in regards to the faking-reform draconequus.

And I was kind of hoping the change of topic would make her forget about this whole bad date idea.

“Again with Discord?” she asked before letting out a sigh. “Very well, we’ll do it when we’re done with coming up with a plan to salvage any hope I have of getting together with Twilight Sparkle.”

“By...ruining our first date?” I asked in confusion.

Tia nodded. “Exactly! Now, I was thinking when it came to location, something very high end and what she would expect...that we’ll be thrown out of pretty easily when our whole charade begins.”

And thus, the plot to ruin Twilight Sparkle’s ideal sun goddess into a woman even Rainbow Dash would have been put off by began.