"Seriously, Dash, I can do this on my own."

It had been a few days since the disastrous Golden Oak meeting. To facilitate my mobility while in town, Twilight had made me a wheelchair. It was rather simplistic but it served its purpose. In a few days time, I would have custom made crutches ordered from a medical supply store in Canterlot. Until then, I was wheel bound and Rainbow Dash had appointed herself my official chair pusher. I protested this, numerous times, but it fell on deaf ears. Dash was adamant about helping me out, even if I was perfectly capable of wheeling myself about town. (Even with my infuriatingly weak arms.)

"No can do, Steve." Dash says, "As the Element of Loyalty, and a reserve member of the Wonderbolts, it's my duty to see you safely to your destination."

"If this is about that hoof to the head, I told you, we're cool…"

"It's more than just that. Egghead." RD chides.

"Run that by me again?"

She answers, "Well, ever since that- trick you pulled, I wondered what other things you can do. Those old fairy tales never mentioned what humans can do. They just mentioned that they were without reason and acted purely of their desires."

"And you wanna prove them wrong?"

"Exactly!" RD cheers.

"Much as I hate to burst your bubble, Dash, but that's a pretty accurate, if generalized, assessment of the Human Race."

"Yeah, so?" Dash challenges.

"All I'm saying is," I rebuke, "I am not a pet and I am not helpless. As for how the gun ended up in my hand, that is a mystery even unto myself."

"Whatever, Mr. Egghead." Dash banters back.

"Rather be an egghead than a thick skull…"

"What?"

I sigh, "Can we just get to Sweet Apple Acres, please? This burlap sack is giving me a rash."

"Yeah, yeah… Don't blame me for that, blame Twilight." Rainbow explains, "Her invisibility spell should have worked on you."

"Only it didn't and I wound up bleeding out of my ears."

"And how is that my fault?" Dash asks.

"It's not," I say, "but if I get something infected because you're being a lazy bones, it will be your fault."

"Do I hear a challenge?" Dash croons.

Oh no…!

"No, Dash, don't you dare don't you even- FUCKING SHIT!"

The world has just dissolved in colorful blurs; Rainbow Dash is putting a burst of speed that could make Usain Bolt jealous. Buildings rush by in streaks and it's a wonder the cyan Pegasus hasn't hit any pony in the street. Warp Speed, Mr. Sulu?

"Yeah, now that's what I'm talkin' about!" Dash says excitedly.

"Ugh, stop this train, I wanna get off." I moan.

"Suit yerself!"

Dash flies off while I get myself oriented. I gotta give the girl credit; she makes a long ass walk a quick sprint. It would have taken me an hour, on foot or by wheel, to get to SAA. Still, a little warning would have helped.

"There ya are, Steve!" Applejack cries.

Applejack is walking up the drive, her big brother in tow. His name is Big Mac, which reminds me of McDonalds. I'm told he's named after an apple cultivar. That doesn't make me any less hungry.

"Howdy ya'll!" I cry back, "Where you at?"

"What it is!" I taught Big Mac the NOLA greeting and he seems to like it. AyJay, on the other hand, is mildly perturbed.

"Anyway, we got yer room all set up in the back. Sorry about the toilet; I had a tough time readin' mah Daddy's notes on the family houses blueprints. I don't think mah Daddy was much of a plumber."

"Neither was mine." I say, "No worries, though. I can manage with the outhouse. So long as I have some measure of privacy, there's nothing to worry about."

"Good!" AyJay says cheerfully, "Lemme show ya the place. Big Mac can ya-"

"I can handle the chair, AyJay." I remind her, "Biggie ain't gotta push me. He could get me one of your Granny Smith apples, though. I LOVE those things!"

"Comin' right up."

Biggie trots off to find some vittles and I wheel after AyJay to Apple Family homestead. Already there is a gathering of ponies at my new digs. I can see Flutters there; she's brought along a nice plant for my housewarming party. Pinkie is here as well. She actually made well on her promise of a chocolate cake. And it's HUGE! I'll need about six seatings to finish it off. Rarity is here and so is her little sister, Sweetie Belle. They're pulling a clothes rack that I assume must be my new wardrobe. Twilight and Spike are there, as is Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. Scootaloo isn't related to any of the ponies I know, but she is a friend of Apple Bloom (who is AyJay's and Biggie's little sis) and Sweetie Belle.

"Well, the gangs all here!"

Fluttershy smiles and says, "I wouldn't miss this for the world, Stevie!"

"Neither would I! This is gonna be the best housewarming ever!" Pinkie yells.

Christ, is Pinkie loud! My baby half-brother Bobby isn't half as loud as her.

"Well, shall we take a peek inside?" Rarity implores.

"Yes, Rarity, lets."

The whole crowd swarms the entrance after me. It's said that curiosity killed the cat; I wonder what it does to ponies.

"Wow…"

I gave AyJay and Biggie a set of specifications for how a human habitat was supposed to look. My designs were rather Spartan in comparison to the work I see here now. Cherry wood is used in all the furnishings; the rosy glow of wood makes this place feel warm and cozy. Unlike the Apple Homestead, my little flat is much larger than your average pony residence and per my designs, is also a lot more complex. There are hidden drawers and tableau's everywhere and the floor plan is sweeping so it can accommodate my wheelchair. It's better than I imagined it to be.

"Wow, AyJay, you really went all out!"

"Ain't my doing." Applejack admits, "Little Bloom did all the work, with an assist from Big Mac. She's the one who deserves the credit."

Bloom is blushing with pride; her friends are giving her brohoofs.

"Aw, shucks, t'aint nothin'." the little filly says.

"On the contrary, Apple Bloom, this place is amazing!' Twilight exclaims.

"I'll say, Twilight. This is better than any apartment I've ever had before! Thanks, Bloom!"

Bloom scuffs the floor. I don't think she's used to such praise.

"It is mahvelous, dahling!" Rarity gushes, "Now where do I put your new couture. I don't see a bureau anywhere…"

"Oh, try over here…"

Just tap the panel adjacent to the bed and…

"Bingo!"

Sweetie exclaims, "Oh, how ingenious!"

"I wanted to maximize the floor space."

Rarity starts placing clothes in as I come about to address the other ponies.

"Thank you for coming, everypony!" I announce, "This has turned out better than I expected. I think Pinkie has a grand reception planned at Sugarcube Corner. She assures me that will be beyond epic. So, who here wants to ♪par-tay?♫"

I'm stumbling, as much as one can stumble in wheelchair, out of the Sugarcube. Mr. & Mrs. Cake were generous enough to lend us the Corner after hours and boy did we party! I'm pretty sure I drank Pinkie under table with root beer. I'm starting to fell like my old self again… Flutters was introducing me to everypony she knows that I don't. In fact, DJ Pon-3 and I got into it pretty good. I gotta get a mixtape of her stuff; she's really good. It's nice to know these ponies don't immediately think I'm a threat, given all the evidence to the contrary. About the only pony I didn't see mixing it up was Rainbow Dash. She cut out shortly after the party started. Pinkie assured my that Dash loves to party hard, but she wasn't there for very long. This actually is a good thing because I don't think I can handle another ride on the Rainbow Express.

I think I'll take my time going home. It's funny, in the back of my head, I'm assured that none of this is real, yet I'm already considering this place as home. Still, even if none of this is real, it's a nice place and as good as any to call home. The nights here are cool and crisp, the days are nice and warm, and I have more friends than I ever had back home on Earth. That's what ironic about this all: the only real friends I have in my life are in my head. Hey, what is going on here? Why are the lights blazing every room of my flat?

"Yo, who dat?"

A drunken Brooklyn accent declares, "Ah, there youse are!"

I catch a blur of prismatic mane before I'm knocked into a cherry scented wall. It doesn't hurt but it does take me by surprise.

"Rainbow Dash?! What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Oh, come on, big boy!" ArDee croons, "Imma here to givesh youse yer house warmin' gift."

Christ, Dash is fucking smashed. Heheh, Rainbow Smashed!

"Ya know," ArDee admits, "I kinda had a thing fer ya when I first saw ya."

"I was told that you thought I was dead on first sight."

"Yeah, I kinda did," she continues, "but I also thought, 'Damn, whatta fine peice o' ass!'"

I'm starting to get a LITTLE nervous here.

"Hey, hey!" she exclaims, "Wanna see sumpin' cool?"

"Uh, sure Dash. Just did you have in- Oh, SHIT!"

Dash has got my pants down (how she did that without fingers amazes me) and is now servicing my- Oh, my…!

"Mmmmmm!"

Oh, good God, I'm getting a blowjob. FROM A PONY.

"Hmm, so good." ArDee croons.

Oh, Lord, it does feel good. She's fondling my testicles with her hooves and good God, what is she doing with her tongue?!

"♪You like?♫"

I can't seem to answer; all the spit in my mouth has dried up.

"Oh, yeah, you like."

Holy fucking shit, this feels good!

"Mmmm, so salty…"

That's right I haven't had a shower in da- Oh, fuck, are those her TEETH?!

"Mmm…"

"Oh, God…" I cry.

Fuck, I'm gonna cum…

"Dash, Daaassshhhh-"

Fuck, I'm cumming. And Dash seems up to the challenge of swallowing my spunk. I don't think I've ever unloaded this hard before. It's like I haven't cum before in my life. And it just keeps coming…

Dash moans happily, "Mmmmm…"

Before I stop, Dash looks at me. Her eyes are sorta half glazed; she is three sheets to the wind and then some. Oop, she just passed out. And I'm still cumming. She's gonna want to know why her face is sticky when she wakes up…

"Aw, man…" the racing mare moans.

"Morning, Dash."

"What happened?"

"You mean before or after you passed out?" I ask.

"Uh, both?

"Well," I answer, "I found you skulking in my flat, where you promptly pinned me to a wall before giving me a hummer. Then you passed out while I was still spewing spunk."

"Is that why my mane is so sticky?" ArDee asks.

"Pretty much. You hungry? I made waffles."

"No, no, I'm good. I'm late enough as it is. Uh, Steve?"

"Yeah?" I say.

"Whatever you do, don't mention ANY of this to Twilight. Or even Applejack." She sounds threatening.

"What about Fluttershy?" I inquire.

"NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT! Never to Fluttershy!" She bellows.

"Okay, okay, I won't."

"Pinkie promise?" ArDee asks.

"I- don't know what that means." I admit.

"Just- keep hush about, okay?" she requests.

"Will do. And Dash?"

Dash is halfway out the door when she turns back and says, "Yeah?"

"As much as I enjoyed your little- party trick, don't ever do that again." I warn.

What is this?

I should point out that RD is not one of my favorite ponies in the Mane Six. The top honor for that goes to Fluttershy. Still, shit is serious, son!