Twilight is now resting on what I can only generously call a lounge chair. Discord is very careful to keep her from jostling around too much. Flutters is in the kitchen making some tea while her patchwork friend is fanning the unconscious purple unicorn. I was told to behave myself. I've interpreted that to mean, "Don't move, don't speak, don't even breath while Fluttershy is out of the room." Discord's insistence on making funny faces is testing my resolve to obey. I bet Caitlin and Flutters would get along. She's the only woman that could ever make me so damn fearful for my life…

"So you're just going to ignore me, is that it?" Discord asks.

No, Discord, I'm to refuse to acknowledge your antics. By the way, THAT face is nothing compared to "see food."

"Oh, come on! That should have at least given you a fit of giggles!"

Sorry, Discy, no dice. I'm behaving myself, just like Fluttershy said. (Oh, if Caty could see me now… I can practically hear the bullwhip crack now.)

"What about this?"

Cute, but I've seen better. Jesus, Flutters, how long does it take to make TEA?!

"Ugh, what happened?" ALERT! ALERT! The purple people-eater pony has revived!

"Ah, Princess Twilight! Did you have a good nap?" Discord implores.

"Discord? Wait, what's going on?" she asks.

That is what I wanna know. Did the chimera just call Twilight "Princess?"

Fluttershy calls out from the kitchen "Oh, Twilight, you're awake!"

"That she is." I say.

Twilight looks from Fluttershy then to me before asking, "Can I get some explanations please?"

"Oh. Well…" starts Flutters.

Discord injects with, "From what I've seen, Your Highness, it appears Fluttershy's guest is more than he appears."

Twilight looks to Fluttershy, then to Discy, then to me. I'm shooting glances at Flutters, hoping my face says something of the order, May I please say something now?

"Fluttershy, what does Discord mean by that?" Twilight asks.

"Well, uh, you see, uh…"

"Oh, come out with it Fluttershy! It's not that she wouldn't figure it out eventually." Discord demands.

Twilight moans, "Please, Discord, I think…"

"If I may interrupt?"

All eyes fall on me now. I can see a look of consternation from Fluttershy, but I choose to disregard it. Instead, I face Twilight and make the decision to reveal my sapience.

"He talks?" Twilight gasps.

I respond thus, "Why, yes, I do. And before your untimely fainting spell, I was demonstrating my measure of intelligence, too."

"HE TALKS?!" Twilight yells.

I wince from the volume, saying, "OW! The volume, if you please! It's bad enough when your 'spells' light up my every pain receptor… Also, OBJECTION: entering facts not in evidence."

"HOW CAN YOU TALK?! HUMANS DON'T TALK!" Twilight screams.

I'm groaning as I reply, "Argh! Again, volume, Sparklebutt! And for your information, I've been told I'm a very eloquent orator. I reinstate my objection."

"This isn't happening…" Sparky says.

Fluttershy asks, "Twilight, are you okay?"

Discord offers his opinion: "It seems the Princess is out of sorts."

"Out of sorts" is something of an understatement. To my eyes, this "princess" is showing signs of a psychotic break.

"H-how…?" Twilight stammers.

"Hey, you're guess is as good as mine, Sparky. The current theory is that I'm not from around here, so I have a measure of sapience above what is commonly thought to be baseline in this world." I say.

Heh-heh, man I do not know where I pulled THAT outta my ass!

"Uh, Stevie?" Fluttershy inquires.

"IT HAS A NAME?!" Twilight is yelling again.

"Okay, what have I said in regards to volume? Man…"

Undeterred, Fluttershy asks, "Stevie, can you tell me what 'sapience' is?"

"Oh, that? Why?"

It's not Flutters who replies, but Twilight, "I tell you why, Mr. Human. That term isn't a pony word."

"Ah, I see. Now riddle me this, 'Princess,' do you know what sapience means?"

"Uh…" I can see Twilight flush with embarrassment.

"I bet you ten bits she has no clue." Discord whispers in my ear.

"Wasn't talking to you, John deLancie's ghost." I rebuke.

"Who?" questions Discord.

"Never you mind, Discy. So, Sparky, care to give us a guess?"

"Uh, sapience? Uh… Could I have some context?" Answering a question with a question, Twilight? Puh-lease!

"Sorry, Ms. Sheepishly-Trying-to-Cheat-on-the-Quiz. Better luck next time!"

"I don't… What does it matter?! You. Are not. Supposed. TO EXIST!" Twilight bellows.

"And yet, here I am. Flutters can tell ya; she and I have many a wonderful conversation between your visits."

Infuriated, Twilight inquires, "So, what does 'sapience' mean?"

I'm kinda shaky on the answer, "Well… It's a bit difficult to give an accurate description… For me, sapience is the measure by which an animal, human or otherwise, is weighed to having the necessary intelligence for creating societies, civilizations, devising technologies, and generally proving how smart they are."

"That sounds like a rather broad definition." Twilight deadpans.

"It is, Sparky, you don't mind if I call you that?, but the term has a myriad of definitions and matching criteria. What I gave you is a layman's version of the term."

"That still doesn't explain how you can talk." Twilight demands.

Fluttershy counters, "Stevie isn't just any old human. He's something different from the humans last seen eight hundred years ago!"

"You sound excited about this, Fluttershy." Twilight zings.

Flutters fires back, "Well, why wouldn't I, Twilight? It's a new species of critter that can talk! I don't even have to learn his language because he speaks Equuish so fluently."

Wait, I'm speaking English. What in the flying fuck is Equuish?

"But doesn't that disturb you JUST a little bit?" questions Twilight.

"Why?" Flutters asks.

Twilight lamely starts, "Humans- talking-"

Twilight is sputtering. Methinks she doth protest too much. It's annoying that Discord is laughing hysterically through all of this. It is not that funny. Also, that twitching eye Twilight now has is really freaky.

Breaking back into the conversation, I say, "Tell you what. Let's forget that last half hour or so of this day ever happened and let's start over. Hi, my name's Steven, I just survived an explosive airplane accident, and I'm pretty sure all you pastel colored miniature equines are the result of me tripping major ball-sack on some high powered painkillers. Or maybe I'm comatose and my mind is on walkabout in fantasyland; how in the fuck would I know? It is a pleasure to meet you."

I hold out my hand and Twilight gives me a dubious look.

"Go head, shake it. My arms not gonna stay out there forever." I add.

Twilight's hooves wrap around my outstretched hand, "H-hello. I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle, my friends call me Twilight, I'm a student of Princess Celestia and you are seriously freaking me out."

I inquire, "Another princess? Jesus, Flutters, just how many monarchs do you have around here?"

"I guess it's time that we fill you in a little bit…" Fluttershy replies.

Oh, yes, Flutters, I need mucho filler here.

Twilight adds, "By the way, Steven is it?, I don't answer to Sparky, Sparks, or Sparklebutt."

Oh, come on!

"Everypony in this TOWN IS crazy!"
Wow, Twilight, talk about throwing stones from glass houses. Methinks our protagonist may have broken the poor purple alicorn… Here's hoping she can keep a secret.