From the Daily Journal of Steven Ambrose, Entry Number Twelve:

It isn't a day in Ponyville without something going nuts. Thankfully, these last few days have been rather pleasant and uneventful. I'm still getting some stares from ponies passing by but they have been lessening of late. Hand That Mourns has finished the autopsies on the 30 humans that ambushed the town. Her analyses prove inconclusive… According to my ghostly hump buster, those humans wearing the Proletariat Sigil had no sign of infection, no abnormalities in their blood or nervous systems. No tumors, no hallucinogens, nor any bacteriological manifestations. There is no explanation for their behavior. I can't tell if I'm mad, bemused, or frustrated with that news.

Flutters and I have been out in public more often. I had to make some concessions to ensure her that I wasn't one of those yahoos that attacked Ponyville. (Although, now that I think about it, there isn't much difference between myself and the Proletariat throng. Maybe I smell better, I dunno. The Equestrians are a lot like the Houyhnhnm, although a little less perfect than I would imagine. I couldn't care less if I'm the reincarnation of Lemuel Gulliver, but I'll be damned if I let these Proletariat Yahoos burn this world down!) She doesn't seem convinced, but with every affectionate kiss and every tender stroke, I believe I'm making headway.

Now a rather curious thing happened just yesterday. I didn't write it down in my last journal entry because it occured while I should have been sleeping. It seems a visitor to Ponyville slipped in during the night. I only noticed it because the little wagon this visitor crept on in had a squeaky wheel that woke me up. In the morning, I asked Applejack who the mysterious stranger was. She growled a bit and then told me in the iciest tone she could muster that the carriage belonged to one Trixie, the quote-unquote Great and Powerful.

Wow, talk about an ego! Ay Jay also told me that the unicorn mare was responsible for turning Ponyville in a dictatorship for a small while. She had gotten something called "the alicorn amulet" and used it to bend Ponyville under her hooves. She also drove out Twilight Sparkle, the only unicorn in town able to match her, trick for trick. Twilight was able to return though, and beat Trixie with a bit of practiced deception. Clever girl… It's assumed that Trixie is back for a rematch or maybe she is here to offer some apologies. Whichever the case may be, it should prove rather interesting…

That reminds me, albeit a little left field, I have a date with Flutters tomorrow night. We'll be going to the Saddle and Bit, a quaint little theme restaurant in town square. The place is set up with a racing pony scheme; the food is good, but the prices are nothing to sneeze at. I'm not sure I can afford the place, but I'm gonna try. Midway has been pleased with work as of late, and just a day ago he gave me a raise. I'll get paid tomorrow, so I'll see just how big a raise this is.

Those three fillies I helped out the other day have become the talk of the school. The way I hear it, Apple Bloom, Sweetie belle, and Scootaloo are now the new stars of the Ponyville Elementary. I bet that took a lot of the piss and vinegar out of those two bullying fillies, though. I haven't heard any complaints so far from the Cutie mark Crusaders, but that doesn't mean Silver Schooner and Diamond Hard-On are done with them yet. If they think they can harass my three favorite fillies, they got another think coming. They haven't seen me crazy yet!

Ah, what a warm afternoon! It feels like only yesterday that the Summer Sun Celebration started. From what I was told, that was a hectic holiday that few expected. Still, this ole Sunshine Belt Kid is loving the weather! Wonder how high the old thermometer is supposed to reach today? Meteorology is a more precise science here in Equestria than it is back home, but that doesn't mean it's absolutely perfect. The Pegasi are only ponies, after all.

Still, it's a warm day, the sun is unhindered by clouds or other heavenly phenomenon, and I bet a small riot is gonna break out when Button mash and Featherweight see the new consoles that Midway and I just set up. I've got twenty bits that they'll be fighting hoof and muzzle over the new arcade machine, House of the Pony Undead. I bet Scootaloo would get a quick out of that one…

"Steven, are you receiving?"

Ah, my erstwhile deus ex machina. I was wondering where Hand That Mourns had gotten to.

"Hello, Hand, how's tricks?"

"I do not understand that," Hand says, "but I have some news you may find comforting."

"Lay it on me, Ghost in the Machine!"

I can almost hear Hand wincing at that term, "*AHEM!* It will be please you to know I have reactivated Dyson's Spheres three through seven. I now have more resources to help you acclimate to this world."

"Sounds good," I assure Hand, "what else you got?"

"My resources for molecular replication have vastly improved with the reactivation of Dyson's Sphere number nine. I can now rebuild many of your personal effects with at least 97% accuracy."

"Sweet!" I tell her.

"You should also find this of interest," Hand says, a hint of mischief in her voice, "I have compiled enough of about your psychology and eccentricities to devise you a personal ancilla."

"Come again?" I ask.

"I was not meant to be a personal adjunct," Hand explains, "I was intended to run the Imperial Central Communications Array until such time as a Returner was found. Now that you are here, and I have the resources to begin effectively reproducing vital Imperial technology, I can finally do my intended routines. As such, I have used your personality, and all its quirks, to devise you a personal ancilla adjunct. When you have time, please report to Central Command. I can then upload your ancilla then."

"Oh, cool!" I exclaim, "My own personal Cortana! I can't wait to show Twilight… Gotta to get to work first. Later, Hand!"

Huh, that's weird. When did the carnival come to town? I swear, that noise carried by today's light breeze comes from a calliope… Wow, where those fireworks?! Crazy stuff… There sure a lot of ponies assembled in the town square today. Gotta wonder what's going on. Oh, look! There's a pair of ponies breaking form the crowd. I wonder… Oh, yeah, my two favorite filly foolers are coming by!

"Where you at?" I greet.

"What it is!" Lyra responds, throwing up a fore hoof like she wants to high five me while her marefriend , Bonbon, face hoofs at her paramour's antics. I settle for a hoof bump.

"Didn't expect to see you two wandering the streets of Ponyville. Don't you have some sweets to sell, Bonnie lass?" I say.

"I would," Bonbon replies, "if anypony were willing to buy. They seem- distracted."

"By what?" I entreaty.

"By that treacherous whorse that just strode back into town," Lyra growls, "she's putting on a new stage act. It's lot better than the one she had when first blew into town, but I don't trust her."

"Trust who?" I ask.

"The Tamed and Less-Than-Stellar Trixie." my pony friends answer.

"Ah, yeah, I've heard of her," I muse, "some sort of stage magician, yeah?"

Lyra nods as Bonbon speaks, "No doubt you've heard about her form somepony."

I nod, "You could say I got it straight from the horses mouth."

Bonbon and Lyra give me a querulous look. Crickets are chirping, apropos to nothing.

Noting that my companions are looking at me strangely, I ask, "I take it I said something strange?"

"Indeed, you did," Bonbon challenges, "you should choose your words more carefully. You have more influence than you know."

"Seriously," I query, "who could I influence with my words?"

Bonbon answers not in words but with a hoof pointed at her lime colored lover, who is writing every memorable thing I say down on a pad with a pencil in her mouth. She obviously has given up using her magic in my presence. The last time she tried, I got doused in ink.

"Oh, I see," I retort, "I should probably tone down my non sequitur too, eh?"

Bonbon nods.

"Alright, I'll make a go of it," I say, "back on topic, if Trixie is back, does that mean she's up for another go 'round with Twilight?"

"It's hard to say," Lyra replies, "she seems in better spirits than last she was here."

"Of course," Bonbon continues, "last time she was apple bucking crazy, so it's anypony's guess what she'll do now."

"Best to keep an eye out, then?" I ask.

Bonbon groans and Lyra looks aghast when i say that. Inwardly, I groan.

"I mean, it'd be best to keep a watchful vigil on the magician, yes?"

"Yes," the two lovers answer in unison.

"Okay, then," I reply, "well, I gotta get to work. I'm running late as it is. If you gals wanna come with, I'm sure Midway wouldn't mind much. Just as long as you don't just stand there doin' nothing."

"Well, my day is shot," Bonbon laments, "I don't see the point of going home yet. Coming, Lyra?"

"Why not," Lyra answers, "I get to hang out with you, and I get to see Steve uses those 'fingers' of his."

"Just as long as you don't lick 'em." I warn.

Lyra nods, reluctantly, and we march away from the growing crowd. The streets are empty outside the square, so it doesn't take us long to get to the Promenade. In spite of the doings in the town square, the arcade is bustling with foals of every type. I see Button Mash and Featherweight dueling over gaming rights to HotPU already. Scootaloo, and her new cutie mark, are cutting a rug with Sweetie Belle on a DDR-like machine. Apple Bloom is pounding away at a simulated boxing game. She's actually pretty good at it. I see Midway chatting up a mare I don't know, but I've seen her in the marketplace selling roses and assorted flowers.

"Mornin', Middie," I call, "fair bit of trade today, huh?"

"Darn tootin'," MIdway replies, "goin' get busier later, though. It's good thing yer here."

"Is it?" I ask, "What's the sit-rep?"

"Got a new console," Midway tells me, leaning a hoof over to a large shape covered in tarp, "just came in from Neihgpon. I'm gettin' to old for these sorta things. Figurin' you can set it up."

"Leave it to me," I exclaim, "that thing'll be up before the hour ends!"

Holy damn, is it busy. I guess with school out for summer, the foals in Ponyville Elementary are out and about. They seem very interested in the game I just put up. It's some sort of go-kart game; it kinda reminds me of Sugar Rush from Wreck-It Ralph. They even have candy themed character in it. Small worlds, eh?

I would have thought that the kids would have been checking out the magic show but I guess quite a few of them are less enthralled by this Trixie character than I thought. Having never seen the mare before, I have no opinion on her, but I wouldn't mind seeing her duke it out with Twilight. The princess of organization has some comeuppance coming to her, I swear…

By the way, the mare that Middie was talking to is named Roseluck. I knew I saw her somewhere. Her flower stall sits right next to Berryshine's Fine Spirits. Is it me, or is it just plain weird that a flower shop sits next to a liquor store? Anyway, Middie and Rosie were having a grand ole time; I felt it best not to interrupt, even after Snails and Snips got into a hoof fight over the high score in The Super Stallion Brothers. Pfft, colts… A busy day, all around, in my opinion.

Hey, what is that? There's a string of ponies coming up the road. What are they doing? It looks like they're circling around somepony in the middle… Huh, that's interesting. I see a pony wearing a pointy witches hat in the center of the throng. Who in Equestria would warrant such a mob? It's definitely not one of the Princesses. I'd be able to see either Celestia's or Luna's heads above the crowd. This must be a common pony or something. Got's to wonder who it might be…

"…nd powerful Trixie?"

Did I just hear the name Trixie? There's a clamor around the pony in the middle and I can't hear what is said next over the din. Whoever is assembled the mob must be either quite charismatic or very intriguing. It smells like trouble to me.

"Marvel as The Great and Power Trixie brandishes magic the likes of which have never before been seen in all of Equestria!"

A stallion in the crowd calls out, "You haven't gotten the Alicorn Amulet again, have you?"

"N-no," answers the one called Trixie, "but I have studied arcane energies the likes neither of the Princesses have ever laid eyes on."

"I'll believe it when I see it," challenges a skeptical mare.

"So will I," I add, "especially when said pony speaks like a lion but walks as a lamb."

"Who dares-" shouts the bragging sorceress, but when she spots me, she stops dead.

"Surprised, aren't ya?" I ask.

"What in the hay are you supposed to be?" Trixie inquires.

"The name is Ambrose, Steven Ambrose, license to ill." I reply.

"Huh," Trixie scoffs, "and why does a- beast, like yourself doubt the Great and Powerful Trixie?"

"I have trouble buying anything from someone who refers to themselves in third person. It makes me leery of their intentions and possibly their sanity. So, praytell, who are you and what are you sellin'?"

Ok, the look Trixie gives me is fucking priceless! It's a combination of incredulous and surprise. I seem to have called Trixie for the huckster she is.

"Why you…!" the magician growls, "I'll get you for that!"

What happens next is completely the mare's fault, not mine. Trixie's horn begins to glow and I can feel my glasses starting to slip off my face. They get about a third the way down my nose, and Trixie is powering everything she can just to this little bit of teke, and BANG! ZOOM! To the ground, Alice! Trixie lands on her back, a trickle of blood streaming from her nose, and her hat is burning merry Hell somewhere off in the distance. The string that hounded the magician earlier is now stifling giggles over Trixie's faulty performance.

"I take it that don't go as planned, eh?" I ask.

"No," grunts the now incensed mare, "but this will…"

She lets off a bolt of magic and the startled spectators dash for cover. I have a pretty good idea this is gonna hurt. That's when I notice the royal blue field in front of me. The spell Trixie lobs smashes harmlessly against the field. Huh, how did that happen?

"Hand?" I call, "Hand, was that you?"

No response…

"Hand, come on," i repeat, "Where are ya? Talk to me."

The blue field stays up as Trixie lobs bolt after bolt of magic at me, to no effect. Needless to say, I'm quite confuzzled.

"How- are- you- doing- this?!" Trixie raves, "You- can't have- magic- you're- just- a stupid- ape!"

""Beats me," I quip, "but knowing it frustrates you, this makes my day all the better."

"…Archmage…"

About time!

"Where have you been, Hand?!" I roar, "I could use a bolt caster or a Taser right about now!"

At first there's static then, "…Archmage…"

"Come again," I query, "What are you saying, Hand?"

"One moment," Hand informs me, all the while, Trixie is getting more and more desperate to do me some manner of harm or another.

"Anytime now, Hand." I growl.

"I have you locked, one moment, please." Hand tells me.

"Why- won't- you- go- down?!" Trixie bellows, her face twisting in rage, "You- can't- avoid- my- wrath-! The wrath- of- Trixie- the great- and POWERFUL!"

A pulse of light, and Trixie's assault ends. She's locked in place with a sneer or maybe a grimace. Of what, I can't say, I get the sense it's of defeat.

"Hand, what was THAT?!"

"Neural Impulse Disruptor," Hand answers, "the mare shall be fine. All her voluntary motor reflexes are currently blocked but in another hour or two, she should be mobile again. Mind you, I do not begrudge her the migraine she will have when she is fully revived."

"Brilliant," I exclaim, "now, uh, was that your shield used against her curses?"

"Nay," Hand informs me, "I believe you did that on your own."

"Huh?"

"There is much I do not fully understand, Archmage, child of Ambrose. I am of the opinion that we keep this to ourselves for now."

"Keep what to ourselves, Hand?"

Hand sighs, as much as a displaced soul can and says, "That you have latent magical capabilities."

WHA DA FUQ?!

Where in Trixie, The Great and Powerful, (more like the lame and the conceited) comes to visit and promptly gets schooled by Steve. Or something…

You just know I had to go there!