From the daily journal of Steven Ambrose, Entry Number Fifteen:

My Date with Fluttershy was quite lovely. We had a wonderful dinner, did some dancing at the Mustang Club, then walked out towards White tail Woods to gaze at the stars. Ah, I don't think I've ever been so at peace before in my life. The date ended with a little third base action at Fluttershy's cottage. She wasn't feeling up to some heavier hanky-panky and I respected that decision. It's not I was gonna get blue balls or something.

Trixie is still in town, but I didn't see her on my date. I hope that the neural disruption beam was enough to discourage her from trying to attack me again. I'd rather like to refrain from using that too often. I get this sinking feeling it's like the neuralyzer from the Men in Black movies. Only much scarier because it's fired FROM HIGH FUCKING ORBIT! Yeah, that'll scramble and/or kill some brain cells. Uh-huh! So, I'd like to keep that as a weapon of last resort, say, for when those Proletariat idiots crop back up again. I bet I can get Esmeralda to disperse a wide beam pulse to drop a crowd of hundred or more. Of course, that as soon as Hand That Mourns gets some of the other nearby Dyson's Sphere's working again.

Oh, yeah, that's right, I know I was forgetting something! I got me a new ancilla!! Esmer, would you like to say a few words?

(Oh, yes, I would! Hiya, I'm Esmeralda! You can just call me Esmer. I'm a class eight artificially intelligent ancillary unit. I have a big sister in Hand That Mourns. Or is it mother? She did create me… Well, I think of her as a sister, all the same! Oh, and I like butterflies, and the color blue-violet, that butter cream colored pony named Fluttershy (Oh my Faust, she is soooo cute!) and my favorite past time is listening to music. Uh, I think that's it. I'm sorry if I don't have anything more interesting to say. I've been online for just over twenty-four hours.)

That's okay, Esmer, I think they get the gist now. Oh, man, when I showed Flutters little Esmeralda, she just about lost her mind. (That's before she did one of those little squeaks. Like I said, sooooo cute!) Thanks, Esmer. Anyway, she and Esmer talked for quite a while. I was actually a little sorry that I had break up the conversation. Flutters is my marefriend after all.

Hand still hasn't explained that shit about the Archmage. She said she would, but when I retrieved Esmer, she said she hadn't finished looking into it. That right there scares the fuck out of me. When I was blocking Trixie's attacks, Hand kept calling me "archmage." Other than a Dungeons & Dragons reference, I have no idea what she's talking about. Esmer is also strangely reticent on the subject, I expect her silence is due to respect to her "big sister." Anyway, i need to start pressing Hand for some goddamn answers. I hate being kept in the dark.

The girls are away on business in Manehattan, so I'm left to my own devices for the next few days. They're gonna be helping Rarity with her Fashion Week presentation and then they're heading over to Rainbow Falls for the Swap meet going on over there. I would've loved to head for the swap meet, but Twilight was concerned a human might cause a panic. This is especially true since the Sister Princesses haven't made it common knowledge about my presence.

So, seeing as I'm alone this week, I decided to drop by Bonbon's house to chill out for a while. It's actually kind of fun hanging out over there. Bonnie Lass keeps me filled to bursting with sweets and Lyra is hilarious, when her human mania is making her all stalkerish. She's been a lot more stalkery as of late, after witnessing my little stunt against Trixie the other day. Not only am I the "freakishly smart hooman," I'm also the "freakishly smart hooman with magical powers."

Whelp, better I get to it than sit around the house, being all procrastinated and all. Like most days in Ponyville, the weather is just fantastic. It's strange to see the sky free of Rainbow Dash, but what can you do? Hey, is that-? No way! That is Derpy! What is she doing making the weather today? Thunderlane and Blossomforth flanking her, as well. I didn't know they were part of the Ponyville Weather Team. Huh, color my surprised.

"Yo, Ditzay! What's shaking, girl?" I call.

The mare in question lands awkwardly in front of me, "Heya, Steve! What's shakin'?"

"Hey, Ditzy," Thunderlane yells, "are we done for the day?"

"Yeah, Thundy," Derpy replies, "you and Blossom can clock out."

"Cool," Thunderlane says; both he and Blossomforth race off to the Weather Team Headquarters near Town Hall.

"Soooooo," Ditzy croons, "♪whatcha doin'?♫"

"Not much," I admit, "was headin' down to Bonbon's to hang out with her and Lyra."

"Sweet," Derpy says, "Hey, you should drop by later at my place. Timey wants to see you about something. And I got a new muffin recipe I want to try out on ya."

"Cool," I say, "I think I'll do that. Any idea what Turner wants to see me about?"

Derpy shrugs, "Not a clue. He wanted to see you himself, but he had an accident over the weekend; he's not really himself right now."

"Howda ya mean?" I ask, turning on some Simon Pegg for effect.

"You'll see when you come by," Ditzy teases, "anyway, I gotta go. Dinky should be just be getting outta school by now."

"Alright, bye," I say; I watch Derpy take off for the sky and promptly smack into a flagpole.

"Huh," the bubbly mare says, "how did that get there?"

I shrug my shoulders and carry on. Lyra's and Bonbon's place isn't that far away from the central market, but it's not exactly a hop, skip, and jump from Sweet Apple Acres. It takes me another ten minutes for me to see the house. Like a lot of the homes in Ponyville, Bonbon's home has a thatched roof, a wood frame peeking out of the corners of the adobe walls, and pony sized windows that swing out. The only difference between Bonnie's house and most other ponies homes is the industrial sized chimney rising from the back of the house. Also, the front gate of Bonnie's house has a pair of ceramic butterscotch candies fastened to it.

There's no sign of the confectioner, but I do hear the melodious sound of harp strings. Lyra must be home. Like the thousand or so times I've been by here so far, I just walk over the gate (Bonnie hates it when I do that, but I can never get the gate unlatched. It doesn't help that my legs easily swing over the pony sized fence) and I step onto the path leading to the front door. It amuses me that the door knocker is in the shape of a lyre. Can't say why, though…

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!*

From beyond the door, I hear, "Where you at?"

"What it is," I reply.

A clatter of hooves? Huh, just what in the name of Mike is Lyra doing in there? It sounds like she's rearranging the place. The doodelyfuck is going on in there, anyway?

"♪Come in!♫" Lyra beckons.

Now I'm afraid of what I'll find once I pass the threshold…! I'm opening the door now- Huh? Nothing's changed. That's weird. About the only thing I can see that's even remotely different is the phonograph in the corner. Of, course, it's Bonbon's phonograph, but it's usually in corner opposite the kitchen, not smack dab in the middle of the sitting room.

"Yo, Lyra, where you at?" I call out.

That's when the record players starts up, auditory epicness awesome piping into the room.

"Hey there, brony!"

HOLY FUCK! Lyra snuck up on me! Jesus, how in the Hell did she get behind me?!

"Damn, Ly-ly, when did you become a ninja?" I ask.

"I'm not a ninja," Lyra replies, "but for you, I could be. By the way, what's a ninja?"

I wave her off in favor of another question, "What's a brony?"

Lyra looks at me quizzically and than swats me with a for leg, "That's you, silly! Now gimme a hoof."

The minty unicorn tries to give me a high five. She fails; she face plants into the carpet right in front of me. It's both adorable and hilarious. I can't decide if I should help her back to her hooves or laugh maniacally. I settle for a small chuckle as I assist Lyra back to a more dignified position.

"Brony, eh?" I query, "where in Equestria did you get that?"

"Actually, I've wanting to use that word for a long time, but Bonnie has always kept me from doing so," answers my mint colored hostess, "but she's at work right now."

"If that devilish grin on your face means you're gonna do something crazy, Lyra," I warn, "then I'm going to get outta here. I've had enough from Her Ladyship, Sparklebutt."

"Oh, nonono," protests Lyra, "I'm not gonna do anything like that! I just, wanna hang out with my favorite hooman…"

"I'm your only human. And, I'm the only sane human you know, Ly-Ly." I add.

"Pshaw!" Lyra retorts, then in a wild attempt to redirect the conversation, "would like to take a seat?"

"Yeah, actually," I respond, "and you still haven't answered my question."

"What was that?" Lyra asks.

"Where did you get the term 'brony?' I've certainly never used it."

"Well…" Lyra says sheepishly, "you're not a pony, and you're also not any of the other sentient creatures in Equestria or the lands beyond."

"No kidding," I grouse.

"Since you are intelligent, and at least somewhat civilized-" I which point I give a protesting shout, "I think it's safe to say that you're one-of-kind entity. And the other day I hear you something about a brother…"

"Yeah, my baby bro, Jonathon."

"So, I put two and two together…" Lyra finishes, holding out her hooves at me.

"Brother plus pony. Bro-ny." I continue.

Lyra nods enthusiastically.

"Well, at least Discord didn't have a hand in it," I muse, "last time I was helping out Fluttershy, he kept popping up all over the place, trying to give me a nickname. Some of the stupidest nicknames I've ever heard, too." Lyra's eyes went wide with wonder before I said, "And no, I'm not repeating them. I had to have Esmer hit him with a neural disruptor blast. Thankfully, Flutters never found out about it…"

"Why not?" Lyra asks.

"I let the chimera know in no uncertain terms that if he thought the neural was bad, I had a ton of other stuff waiting in the wings." I answer, "'Twas a bluff, but he doesn't need to know that."

"Oh, you are good!" Lyra sings.

"But of course," I say, "so, what are we going to do tonight, Brain?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky," Lyra says, doing her best to sound menacing, "try take over Equestria!"

Well, that was a few good hours killed. Lyra entertained me with some pony humor, we had some sandwiches (I opted for some of the luncheon meat variety, though I have NO idea where Lyra got the goods), and we talked for a while until Bonbon came back. Then all three of us had a wonderful dinner of oats and whey (much better than I expected to taste) and finally, we had a game or six of three card brag. Best evening ever!

Now that I think about it, the evening isn't over for me. Derpy invited me for muffins and a short pow-wow with Time Turner. From what the Derpster said, he's seen better days; the bubbly mare didn't elaborate much, so I'm left to draw baseless conclusions. Also, muffins. Might as well make my way there; maybe tonight I can get Turner to admit that he has a sonic screwdriver…

Now, Derpy's place is in the side of town where Earth-bound Pegasi live. I didn't think much of this before, but ponies segregate, like hard. Mind you, it's not nearly as bad as during America's Civil Right's Era; Unicorns and Earth ponies live side-by-side, no problem. I think the only difference with Pegasi is that, because they have the power of flight, they tend to dive/float/sweep/fly into their homes. Derpy's Loft is no exception: she has a perch for her to land on, a balcony or two for fellow Pegasi to roost on when she's entertaining, and all the windows on the second floor are shutter-less.

Mind you, because Derpy is coupled with an Earth pony, there's a (pony-sized) steps leading to the loft that allow Time Turner to get up there. (Little Dinky, Derpy's adopted sister, has unicorn magic to teleport in there and she just mastered that last week.) I have to climb up to her loft (thankfully, it can take my weight) and let me tell you, as an acrophobe, climbing is much difficult than you can imagine. I can barely manage a step ladder, let alone a staircase!

Huh? Who in the wide, wide world of sports is that?!

"Ah, then," crows an amber colored, grey maned Earth stallion, "I see you got My Beloved's message."

"Yea, verily," I answer, "yet, who, praytell, be you?"

"Come off it, Mr. Ambrose," the mystery stallion remarks, "you remember me!"

Come to think of it, he does look kinda familiar. That South London accent is kinda hard to place, but it's vaguely reminiscent of… No. Fucking. Way!

"Time Turner?"

"Ah, he does remember!" shouted Turner, "Splendid, splendid, I thought I was going to have to play twenty questions with you. It's good to see you, mate!"

"Great to see you, too," I reply, "but what the buck happened to you? Your mane is different and you look older."

"Ah, well, it's a bit complicated, I'm afraid." Turner says sheepishly.

"What, did your sonic screwdriver fail on you during a Dalek incursion or something?" I riposte.

"How did-" Turner starts, "That's- That's not important. What is, my boy, is that I have need to tell you something."

"Lay it on my, Doctor."

Turner gives me a searching look, then, "Regarding your, uh, performance the other day… Very unusual… Yes, very unusual… In all my travels, I've seen very few entities do what you have done."

"And?" I press.

"Ahem, well," Turner continues, "I must say, it's rather interesting that you have some magic in you."

"Are you gonna turn this into a Harry Potter reference? And should I be on the look out for a half giant on a Harley?"

"Half giant, eh?" Turner muses, "That would be- No, sorry, no Hogwarts for you. What I was saying is, I've seen what ponies can do with the sort of- abilities that you just recently acquired. Let me just say, you best know when to use your powers. The Proletariat never did know when enough was enough and given that you are- shall we say, more skilled and learned, then them doesn't mean you will avoid their misfortune."

"Hey! How do you know about the Proletariat?" I ask.

"Well, I was here when-" Turner starts, "Oh, sorry, I was about to go on a tangent… Anyway, you best learn from the folly of your ancestors. Those gene memories of the Terrans would serve you well if you pay heed to them."

"O-kay," I reply, "I'll, uh, I'll get right on that."

"Mister Steve!" cries a voice from within.

"Dinky!" I return.

A flash comes from inside the loft, and a pale violet unicorn filly emerges just besides Turner.

"Mister Steve! You came!"

I tell the little filly that I was invited for muffins and I never, NEVER turn down muffins.

"He-he!" Dinky giggles, "Mommy is making a fresh batch. They're a special surprise, so I can't tell you what they are!"

I lick my lips, which causes the Doctor to flinch but Dinky only giggles more, "I like surprises! Especially the delicious ones!"

"Come on, come on! Mommy's inside!" Dinky exclaims, "Coming, Uncle Doctor?"

"Ah, yes," Turner replies, smiling, "wouldn't miss it for the world!"

As Time Turner gets up to enter the house, I see a cylindrical object laying near where the Doctor once was. A very peculiar cylindrical object…

"Yo, Turner!" I call, "how are you gonna do any timey-wimey stuff without yer sonic scre-"

"That will be enough of that," Turner proclaims, snagging the highly sophisticated device from my hand, "you can poke somepony's eye out with that."

*Tink! Tink! Tink!*

"Hello?"

*Tink! Tink! Tink!*

"Hellooo! I know you're in there!"

*Tink! Tink! Tink!*

"Hai there! My name is Pinkie Pie! Who are you?"

-Pinkie Pie blinks.-

"Hey, no need to by shy! I just wanna be friends!"

"So what's your name, huh?"

"Hello! Anypony in there? Hello, I'm talking to y-"

Not Quite Finished With This Yet. Will update when possible. I just need to update, ASAP. I may just have Steve and Pinky Pie do that scene again somewhere else. Steve would be Brain this time, as Pinky has already got a handle on the other part.

Hey! Hey! Listen!!

Yes, Esmeralda is kinda like Navi in a lot of respects. Albeit, she is a lot less annoying.
The incidental music for this chapter is "Bronies Are Weird," by Senntenial off the Balloon Party Project Album, 100% No Feeble Cheering.

Woo-we-oooo!

By the way, for WHATEVER REASON, most Equestrians, save for the Princesses, cannot say "human" right. Something tells me I should explain that, eventually…