Carl was screaming in anguish, his screams accompanied by violent punches easily smashing through the seemingly endless amount of crystal walls separating him from freedom.

"COME!"

He slammed a fist against yet another crystal wall.

"BACK!"

'Fuck! That one hurt!'

"YOU!"

'My fucking knuckles, man!'

"FUCKING!"

'How many of these fucking walls are there?'

"ASSHOLES!"

'Huh?'

Carl smiled, wiping the sweat off his brow. Finally, something other than yet another crystal wall... well, a giant crystal staircase. He started walking up the (seemingly endless) flight of stairs while rubbing his sore hand with the other.

'Man, I hope the homies back in LS are doin' fine... it's like 'em motherfuckers can't do shit without me.'

"Well done, Luna... you left Carl stranded down there, all alone!" Celestia fumed, glaring at her sister.

"We... we may have done this on purpose."

"I know you did, I hate you."

"Uh, princesses?" Applejack chimed in. "Maybe y'all could wait until we're outta here to start bickerin' an' all? We need to go back and get him, as annoyin' as he can get, we're gonna need him!"

Luna sneered. "Why?"

"Because! Just trust me, princess, Ah'm startin' to know him well, and he's our only chance."

Celestia shook her head. "But how can we get him out of the caves if neither my sister or I can teleport him?"

"Ah don't know, but Ah don't think he's exactly 'all alone' down there. He ain't immune to changeling magic, so if he runs into trouble..." Applejack trailed off, looking down at the ground.

"We must go back!" Celestia declared, spreading her wings. Luna stared at her, dumbfounded.

"Sister, why do you insist on... we know you tried to follow our advice, but we thought you... sister. What are you really trying to do with that ape?"

"He's not an ape!"

"He is."

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"BOTH OF Y'ALL, SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Celestia and Luna froze up, staring at Applejack with their jaws hanging.

"Ah know those are tough times an 'all, but y'all can't start fightin' now! Everypony's countin' on the both of ya, princesses! All of Equestria is countin' on ya, Ah ain't tryin' to say ya ain't doing yer job correctly, but... Ah'm scared. Ah'm sure Carl is scared too, and probably every single pony in Equestria is scared. Ya need to stop arguing over stupid things and start actin' like real leaders! Look at us, since we got out of those caves, Ah'm the only one who behaved normally! Ah've been leadin' us all the way back inside the castle proper while y'all kept arguing over things that don't even matter!"

The dark blue alicorn silently stared at her sister, then at Applejack.

"We will go find him. You stay here with our dear subject Applejack, sister. We will make up for our wrongdoings."

Before Luna could teleport away, a loud bang echoed through the entire room, followed by a bunch of debris showering the three ponies as a nearby wall exploded. Two familiar figures jumped out of the newly formed hole and rolled on the ground, screaming and struggling.

"CJ! Minty? What are y'all doin'?"

Carl managed to free his left hand and wrapped it around the green mare's neck, preventing her from biting him. "HOW YOU LIKE THAT SHIT, HUH?" he screamed as he started to furiously slam his bruised fist into her face, blood flying from her broken nose with each consecutive hit.

"STOP IT, YER GONNA KILL HER!" Applejack shrieked, horrified.

"THAT'S THE FUCKING PLAN!"

"BREAK IT UP!" Celestia shouted, using the royal Canterlot voice. She grabbed Minty in her magical grip and levitated her about a dozen feet into the air. "Carl, if you ever attempt to take the life of one of my subjects again, I will-"

"She ain't one of your damn subjects! What the fuck would a normal pony be doin' in the castle anyway? She's a fucking changeling! That bitch led me and AJ right into her queen's trap! I'm gonna fucking kill her!"

Keeping the unconscious mare out of Carl's reach, Celestia shook her head. "So, is this really an everyday thing to you? Brutally murdering a poor creature?"

"She ain't no poor creature! She was gonna get us killed! She led us here, and Chrysalis said she was gonna kill us! I don't know why she didn't, but had she tried, who the fuck'd have stopped her? We'd be fucking dead!"

Luna and Applejack quickly exchanged disturbed glances as Carl walked up to Celestia, putting a hand on her withers. "Look, man, I ain't tryin' to kill anything, but I don't take kindly to being tricked and nearly killed, a'ight? So I want revenge on that bitch, can you understand that?"

The white alicorn sighed, motioning to Minty's bloody, swollen face. "Changelings cannot keep up a disguise if they fall unconscious."

"She is a fucking changeling! I saw her in her original form, and she quickly morphed back into that green bitch before attacking me!"

"Nonsense. Why would a changeling transform into an Earth pony to fight?"

"HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW?" the human screamed, exasperated.

Celestia sighed again, trying to find something in Carl's gaze, something that could betray him... but if he was lying, then he was the best liar she had ever seen in nearly four millennia.

"If you are telling the truth, then you must have damaged her to the point she lost most of her magical abilities, and cannot even revert to her original form anymore. Don't you think that is already enough of a revenge?"

Carl shrugged. "Whatever... that doesn't even make any sense. But I'mma tell you what, you're not gonna stop me from killing Chrysalis."

Celestia looked away from Carl, and through a nearby window. Dozens of changeling drones were buzzing about, occupying and defiling the beautiful city of Canterlot. Her city. "I wouldn't dream of it," she said coldly. "How did you escape the crystal caves, anyway?" she asked, dropping the critically wounded changeling to the ground like an old sack of potatoes.

"Same way I broke yo' asses out. I can smash those crystal walls to pieces with a single punch."

Luna glared at Carl with a thoughtful expression upon her face. "Hm. Perhaps we should have listened to you, sister. This cheap faux crystal and tinted glass alloy wasn't the sturdiest of building materials."

"I told you, Luna."

"Sister. Applejack. Carl. Come on, we must find a way to surprise her."

Celestia shook her head. "I don't think this is even possible. She's far too powerful... although she's probably not expecting us. Does anypony got an idea?"

A low grunt came from the other side of the room, causing the four 'comrades' to turn their heads towards the source of the noise. Minty was lying on the ground, a trail of blood mixed with saliva dripping down her broken nose, and pooling around her jaw, onto the marble floor.

Carl walked up to her and put his arms akimbo, towering over the heavily wounded changeling. "Not feelin' so fuckin' full of yourself now, huh?" he raised a foot above her head, ready to finish her off.

"K-kill... kill me... please!"

Taken aback, he recoiled, lowering his foot and crouching down to her level. Why would she be pleading for death? Sure, he beat her up pretty good, but surely he hadn't fucked her up to the point that she would have to live with medical assistance for the rest of her life or anything...
She looked at him with teary eyes, and even her eyelids were covered in blood.

"P-please... I have failed..."

"No shit, you failed. Next time, you'll know better than to fuck with the Grove."

"My queen will... hurt... torture! Please, kill me!"

"What's she gonna do to you?"

"I... don't... torture... pain... death!"

"Yo, princess!" Carl turned around and called out, nearly falling on his ass when he saw both alicorns right next to him, towering over him in his current stance. "What's she talkin' about?"

"As far as I know, changelings have a very strict code of conduct. I am willing to bet that death is better than whatever they do to a guard who has let a prisoner escape," Celestia said humbly, closing her eyes. "Let alone four."

Minty groaned again, although her speech was getting a little better. "I just... I followed orders... never wanted to get you killed... please, kill me before she gets to me!"

Carl raised an eyebrow. "Who's tellin' me you ain't tryna trick us again?"

Applejack jabbed a hoof in Carl's side, causing him to lose balance and actually fall on his ass this time.

"Shit! What was that for, man?"

"Carl, yer an idiot," the orange pony stated. "She's askin' for ya to kill her! Why would she believe that would make you spare her life? Ya were going to kill her if Princess Celestia hadn't stopped ya, and ya were going to kill her again if she hadn't said anything. And look at her! She knows it."

"I guess you're right..."

"Go ahead, Carl," Celestia said, looking away. "But don't make her suffer more than necessary, please. Do it quickly."

Carl got up and turned to Celestia, crossing his arms. "Shit no, I ain't killin' her. Look, can you patch her up?"

Raising an eyebrow, the white alicorn answered hesitantly. "I suppose so... I can heal her flesh wounds, but I cannot heal the damage you have caused to her body or brain. This is permanent, and she will not be able to revert to her changeling form. Ever."

Ignoring the changeling's pleas as she kept begging for death, Carl grabbed one of her front hooves and nodded to Celestia. "Do it. I have an idea."

Luna put up a defensive spell around Applejack and nodded to her sister. The white alicorn reluctantly took a step closed to Minty, lowering her horn as it started glowing brightly. She touched Minty's bruised forehead with it, causing ripples of light to envelop the weeping changeling's body. A few seconds later, the now healed aquamarine mare grunted, looking up to Carl with large, damp eyes.

"W-why? Why did you do that? You... you were going to kill me. Why didn't you finish it? Why didn't you-" she froze up when Carl squeezed her front hoof tighter, causing her to yelp as he shot her an angry, yet concerned glare.

"Now you shut the fuck up, and you listen to me. We're gonna get rid of your queen, and you're gonna help us," he said, cracking his neck loudly. "In return, you stay alive and she won't be able to do anything to you. This shit simple enough for you?"

"You can't protect me from her! She's too dangerous! What are you four gonna do?"

Carl deadpanned and Applejack chimed in. "Look around ya, miss. Ya got an Element of Harmony, two alicorn princesses and a fella who managed to punch his way out of the crystal caves. Quite literally. Ah'm pretty sure ya won't find better protection anywhere."

Minty looked at the princesses, then back at Carl. "Are you sure you can protect me?"

"Man, we ain't sure about shit. We're just tryin', that's all. Now, can you help us or not?"

"I don't know! What do you need?"

"Everything you can tell us about the bitch! Her habits, her weaknesses, her whereabouts... anything."

"Tell us, Misty," Luna chimed in, taking a step towards the changeling.

"Um, it's Minty."

Frowning, the Princess of the Night cleared her throat. "Minty. How doth thy queen know thou hast failed?"

"Psst, Luna!" Celestia jabbed her sister's side with a hoof. "Language!"

"Oh... we are sorry, sister," she replied, turning back to Minty. "So, how can your queen know that you have failed? Tell us."

"She... she cannot just yet, but it will be pretty obvious as soon as she learns that the prisoners are wandering in the castle! I'm lucky there are no guards in this area, they're all in the opposite wing at this time of the day... also, as soon I have to revert back to my normal body, I won't be able to do it and... since that renders me pretty much useless, she'll dispose of me."

"Fear not, we will protect you."

"Hey, Luna! Minty! Everyone, yo, listen up. I got an idea, a'ight?"

Everypony nodded, prompting Carl to continue. He turned to Misty. "Look, she doesn't know shit yet, right?"

"R-right. I think... I hope."

"Yeah. And why can't you transform anymore?"

"You... because you beat me up. It hurt so much..." she trailed off, her eyes watering again. She shook her head, fighting back the tears as she continued. "Brain trauma can cause permanent damage to a changeling's magic source. When we transform into non-magical creatures such as Earth ponies, we need to use a lot of magical energy to simply sustain our disguise as we can't draw any from our disguised form. And we only have a very limited reserve of actual magic, which we need to keep to use when we want to revert back to our usual changeling form... it normally activates on its own when we fall unconscious or bleed to death, but you hit me too hard and too quickly. I didn't have time to use it, and by the time I passed out, it was too late, too much damage had already been inflicted on whatever little magic I had in reserve."

"Hm..." Carl put a hand to his chin. "I wish I were sorry, but after the shit I been through? I can't be. But you said it would activate if you were to die. How the fuck can death cause less damage than a few punches to the face? And how is brain trauma related to that magic reserve?"

"I'm not really sure, I don't know much about the inner workings of our magic. But I said it would activate when we bleed out, not necessarily when we die... an instant, lethal blow would not cause it to activate."

"Whatever you say. Anyway, would brain trauma disable Chrysalis' magic as well?"

"I... I don't know. I don't think so. It would probably disrupt it or even disable it for a couple of seconds, but she should be able to regenerate it really quickly. The only real weakness of a non-transformed changeling is the horn. A very violent shock to her horn should disrupt her magic, but she will be able to recover in a very short time unless you can destroy or sever it."

"Like fuck we're gonna let her any time to recover! We'll take her down before she can even realize what's happening! You with us, girl?"

"I'm... I guess I am."

"Cool. Now, any of y'all got a plan?"

Once again, Applejack and both alicorns facehoofed. Celestia raised her head and looked around. "What if... nah."

"That sounds like a great idea, sister," Luna sneered.

"Luna, I swear I will-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Applejack screamed. "AH'M TIRED OF Y'ALL BEHAVIN' LIKE A BUNCH OF FILLIES! Does your kingdom not mean anything to ya at all? Don't ya think we got a common enemy we should be fightin', rather than ourselves?"

Carl clapped his hands, laughing heartily. "See, man! I told you, you're the only one around here who ain't trippin'. I told you we'd need you," he said, pointing a finger towards the alicorn sisters. "And you two, what the fuck's wrong with you? AJ's right, you're actin' like two goddamn kids!"

"Uh, CJ? Ah think Minty's tryin' to tell you something."

Carl looked down to see the green 'Earth pony' in full Fluttershy mode, complete with hoof shuffling and everything.

"Yeah? Wassup?"

"I just got an idea."

"Speak up, man."

"I can lure my queen out! You hide somewhere, I tell her to come with me because there is something she needs to see for herself... and you can get the drop on her!"

"Huh... won't she be wary? Like, ain't she gon' run a magic scan or whatever?"

"Not as long as she believes you four are still in the caves."

"A'ight... we can try this I guess. Man, I wish I still had my MP5..."

"What is that?" Minty inquired.

"Nothing you ever heard of."

"Wait, isn't it that black thing made of metal you were carrying when I led you inside the castle?"

"Huh? Yeah, that it. Why?"

"Because it's in my office, on my desk."

"Your office?" Celestia inquired. "May I ask where in my castle is that office located?"

Minty looked down. "It's, uh... it's in the kitchen staff's toilet room." she said, trying to avoid the alicorn's gaze. "The queen never really liked female changelings..."

Carl put a hand on Minty's withers, prompting her to look at him. "Any way we can get there undetected?"

"Sure, that's not gonna be a problem. Stealth and infiltration are two of my specialties." Minty replied, giving him an earnest smile as she put on her accent. "Minty is stealth. Minty is of gettings pistolet-pulemet, da?" she winked at him. "Follow lead."

Shrugging, Carl started walking behind the green mare, closely followed by the three other (wary) ponies.

Chrysalis was chilling on her throne, reading a magazine. She didn't know Discord used to publish his own magazine, but Chaos Monthly was a pretty entertaining read, even if the latest issue was over seventeen hundred years old. Celestia's butt looked definitely better with a tattoo representing male draconequus genitalia instead of her Sun cutie mark.

Suddenly, the door opened as her trusty (and only) female drone entered the room. "My Queen, I think you should come see something."

"What is it, Minty? And why are you still disguised?"

"Oh? I... uh... I'm trying to get used to, uh... living like this. I believe if I can live and perform my daily duties as an inferior Earth pony, without the help of magic or anything, it will make me a stronger changeling overall."

Chrysalis smirked. "Heh... that's actually pretty smart. Come on, let's go see what you wanted to show me."

Minty smiled back to her queen, squeeing internally. Damn, lies and deception were really natural to her.

Standing on top of a table, Carl waved to his 'allies'. "So this is it, huh? This is when we show Chrysalis what friendship is all about!"

"Yeah!" the three ponies replied, clapping their front hooves.

"Canterlot is king!" Carl shouted, throwing his arms into the air. "SAY IT WITH ME, NIGGAS! CANTERLOT IS KING!"

"CANTERLOT IS KING!"

"CANTERLOT IS KING!"

"Fuck's sake, Luna!"

"Yeah, can it, sis'."

"Jeah! Let's go, y'all ready?"

Applejack raised an eyebrow. "Yer the one who's supposed to lead," she stated, motioning to the weapon Carl was holding in a hand.

Luna raised a hoof. "If you are saying the truth about this human contraption, we believe a single hit will be enough to penetrate her thick exoskeleton, and hopefully cause enough brain damage to permanently disable her magic. Even if it is not sufficient to stop her from retaliating, the blunt force will at least temporarily stun her, allowing sister and I to take action. We will act quickly and sever her horn, while Applejack will lasso her."

Everyone nodded and Luna smiled.

"Are we clear, my brothers?"

Celestia raised both eyebrows. "Your brothers?"

Applejack raised at least six freckles. "Princess Luna droppin' the royal we?"

"Sorry. We are nervous, O my brothers."

Funeral March of Queen Chrysalis.mp3

"Luna, what are you-"

"C'mon, don't y'all start arguin' now!"

"Yeah Luna, don't start arguing."

"It wasn't us. You started it, Tia."

"No, you."

"PRINCESS CELESTIA! PRINCESS LUNA! CAN'T Y'ALL SHUT YER DAMN MOUTHS?"

"APPLEJACK, WE WILL NOT TAKE ORDERS FROM THEE."

"WILL YA TAKE MY HOOF IN YER FACE THEN?"

"BE QUIET, THOU HARLOT-DATING WHORE."

"DON'T YA CALL MY MAREFRIEND A HARLOT!"

"WE SEE THAT THOU DOST NOT SEEM TO MIND BEING CALLED A WHORE."

"I'LL BUCK Y'ALL IN THE FACE, LUNA!"

"BUT SHE IS RIGHT, RARITY IS A SLUT!"

"AND YER A SLUT TOO, CELESTIA!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU GODDAMN HORSES!"

"CARL, BY THE MOON, WE WILL-"

The four 'freedom fighters' froze up as a nearby door opened, revealing Chrysalis and Minty.

"NOW!" the three ponies screamed as Minty hit the deck while Carl took aim, lining up his submachine gun's iron sights with the queen's forehead.
Once again.

The young man pulled the trigger, and everything around him seemed to slow down as the changeling queen's eyes widened in horror. However, her fear-struck expression was not caused by the whistling 9mm bullet harmlessly sailing past her head...

Author's Notes:

I tried using accordingly colored quotation marks to clear up who's talking towards the end, as it was a bit of a clusterfuck, although it's still possible to figure it out without the colors. I tried to keep it as discreet as possible, so it doesn't look too much like I'm just trying to circumvent the 'no script dialogue' rule.
Also I managed to give my own self feels with the Minty thing. I have mixed feelings about that fact.

And no, I don't speak a single word of Russian (okay, maybe like two or three) but I'm pretty sure that all the Russian words I've used so far are correct.