And here's chapter two everypony, aren't I unusually punctual today XD

Okay I just wanna get something out of the way. I know Celestia is out of character, I've mentioned it in the summary (On FIM, my lovely Fanfiction readers).

She is going to be OOC for the entirety of the story. minus a few rare serious moments. If you don't like it, get out, because I honestly don't care about that particular complaint when it comes to this story.

Now then, I couldn't simply leave chapter one as it was, so here is some live Celestia chasing Lee action for you all to enjoy.

After a little bit of serious break-up talk of course, I'm not that cruel to the beloved Princess.

So yeah, this will be one of the rare serious moments in this chapter. The rest will be completely bat shit insane!

And so with that, let's go.

Begin!

I deftly maneuvered my way out of her snug embrace and regarded her with what was hopefully a serious expression.

"Or we can wait Sweetiepie," Celestia soothed gently, that look having dissolved back into its loving expression. "I don't mind going a few rounds before showing you how it's done."

How anyone could say something like that and still appear friendly is beyond my meagre comprehension. But if anything, it did make what I had to say that much easier.

"Celestia," I began, putting a bit of obvious force into the name. "We need to talk…about us."

I might as well have kicked a puppy right in front of her.

Her warm, soft and ever so loving expression morphed into one of worry, of silent dread.

"W-What do we need to talk about?" she asked, her voice becoming higher in pitch for but a moment. "I mean t-there's nothing wrong with us is there?"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying my best to figure out just how to say what was needed, what would finally put an end to my avoidance and white lies.

I'd been avoiding her whenever I could, which wasn't all that much actually, especially since she had a rather weird way of knowing where I was sometimes.

"I think…we should take a break," I finally admitted.

Celestia's already pained expression became quite distressed at my words, only to swiftly shift back into a hopeful one, her eyes glistening with unshed sadness.

"O-Oh you mean from sex?" she asked, an edge of panic in her voice. "Well t-that's okay, I don't mind just cuddling."

I sighed yet again and shook my head, trying my utmost not to let her despair turn my decision around.

"No Cel, I meant from our relationship," I corrected tiredly. "It's not working out okay, we're either too busy or having a bad day, and it starts off arguments neither of us want."

"B-But that's not true," she countered desperately. "We don't always argue, and when we do, we always have great make up sex."

You know she was kinda right there.

Every time we had a fight or a bad argument, we pretty much always made up with some rather kinky lovemaking. Sometimes a little too kinky. I swear to all that is holy that I will never look at a feather duster the same way ever again.

But this wasn't about the sex, it was about us and the relationship that really wasn't working!

"This isn't about the sex Celestia," I said dismissively. "I just don't think that this relationship is going to work anymore. We've just become…too far apart."

Tears dripped down her face as my words began to sink in, matting her otherwise pristine fur. To my surprise, she gradually rose from her throne and walked the minute distance, stopping dangerously close to me.

"I don't want us to end," she mumbled, nuzzling my cheek sorrowfully, her voice carrying a strange yet beautiful echo.

Or it could have just been the big empty room we were breaking up in, either way it tugged at me uncomfortably, forcing me to consider the thought that I might…be making a mistake,

"The fuck I am, this relationship isn't going anywhere!" I argued silently. "I've lost count of all our fights and my hips are going to fucking DIE if we 'make up' one more time!"

No, enough was enough. I'd been dragged into this relationship, and although I eventually began to recuperate her bizarre feelings…it was simply too little, too late.

And no, I am not making excuses!

I reached up and stroked her cheek softly, regretting it almost instantly the moment her eyes lit up with barely repressed joy.

"I'm sorry Cel, I just don't think this is gonna work out," I said, finality being more or less forced into my tone.

Her happy expression deflated like a flat tyre.

The alabaster mare's head lowered as her ears drooped, tears…so many tears dripping onto the floor.

"I…I understand Lee," she breathed shakily. "Sometimes ponies just aren't meant to be…and I guess we weren't either."

…

Fuuuucck.

How on earth is it that possible to tug on my heartstrings.

Seriously, her words were like depressive daggers, each one burying itself within me one at a time.

"Be strong Lee," I ordered silently. "This is for the best! Just think of how many trips to the hospital we've saved!"

With that sound logic thoroughly deflecting the wave of feels her quiet sobs were inducing, I gave her one last look…before quickly turning away and making my way out of the palace before my own tears leaked out.

"It was for the best," I thought sadly. "In all seriousness, if I hadn't done that now than it would have happened in a fight…and an angry Celestia is one thing I never want to experience."

She was right though, sometimes relationships just aren't meant to happen. And hopefully she'd get another guy one day and he'd do what I couldn't.

Make her happy.

And hopefully not be averse to taking it up the arse. I have a feeling that it would make her a very happy pony if that open mindedness came with him..

As I finally found my way out and onto the road to Canterlot, I allowed myself to breathe in the crisp morning air and smile at the sheer quiet around me.

"This place, this world…I don't believe that I've ever seen something, somewhere so…wonderfully peaceful before."

Or maybe I just need to get out more.

"Yes you do!" shouted a very annoying individual, their voice echoing in the wind.

"Fuck off Pinkie!" I yelled right back, waiting the few seconds for my voice to sufficiently echo.

"No parties for you!"

…Right well, anyway.

After enjoying a few more minutes of quiet, I eventually sighed and began my slow descent down into Canterlot, the image of a cinnamon bun forcing its way onto the top of my priority list.

Unfortunately…

I was barely hallway down the path when I heard, and felt, a very angry roar, followed up by a similarly angry explosion.

And then…a very, very unfamiliar, yet undoubtedly familiar voice.

"LEE TIMINGS!"

The very ground I was currently walking on shuddered as her voice reached my ears, followed up by…well, myself.

What, she sounded demonic!

"DO YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN JUST BREAK UP WITH ME WITH THAT PATHETIC EXCUSE!" she roared furiously. "WHO IS SHE, WHO STOLE MY SMHOOPIE POO?!"

I suddenly became aware of the air becoming steadily hotter as I breathed it in, and for a moment I couldn't figure out why.

But then a rather foreboding shadow suddenly blocked out my sunlight, causing me to look up out of sheer instinct…and then gulp…a lot.

Celestia's eyes were glowing a fierce white as they glared down at me, angry golden tears streaking down onto the ground, the earth melting as it sizzled from their heat.

"Um…hello," I mumbled fearfully, trying my best not to soil myself as she bared her teeth.

I really should kept my mouth shut.

Celestia roared, and when I say roared, I mean like enough to make a Manticore sound like a kitten. In any case, it was more than enough to make me fucking sprint like hell.

"DON'T YOU DARE RUN FROM ME LEE!" she bellowed furiously. "YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME WHO 'SHE' IS. THEN YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME AND KISS ME, AND MAKE LOVE TO ME, AND WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVE-"

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"

Author's Notes:

And that's all for chappy two, still keeping with the short chapters XD

I'll get writing the next one when I wake up later on.

Happy hunting Celly!