Hello everypony!

Sorry for the long wait but I've had a rather depressing couple of days recently.

And so in order to rid myself of this feeling (And writers block), I had decided to write something a little random, a little fun, and completely crazy!

Namely our good ol protagonist Lee Timings and his unfortunate situation.

So come, come and read as he explains exactly what his "breaking up with the most powerful pony on that world" has done for him.

Begin!

I think I've just made one, if not the biggest mistake of my life.

But before we get to that, let's get the boring shit outta the way first.

My name is Lee Timings, I'm twenty four years old, have a nice if somewhat busy job working at a local bookstore, and about a few hours ago I was in a rather lovely relationship with the Co-Ruler of Equestria.

Equestria being in a completely different world.

How did I get here?

Well…I'm not entirely sure, though I'm fairly certain that Sparkle Mc Nobrains had something to do with it. There's just something about those eyes…they look guilty…and big, seriously, seriously big.

Oh wait, everypony's eyes look big.

Anyway, I'm not the type to drag shit out, so here's a really messy list containing minute details of what I've been up too since I got here.

I arrived in Equestria through some unknown circumstances, got lassoed by a redneck pony, beat the shit out of said pony, robbed her, then got arrested, met the two rulers, took the white one out to dinner with the stolen cash, shagged her, found out that this sort of trapped me by law in a relationship, screamed like a little girl, and then tried to make the best of it.

No seriously, by fucking royalty I had unwillingly chained myself to one of the most domineering females in the universe. And when I say domineering, I really bloody mean it.

There is no mercy in our lovemaking.

And so here I am nine months later, running from all three off the crazy mares.

Hmm…maybe I should explain this one properly.

You see although I got forced into a permanent relationship with my dear Celly Welly (She made me call her that, I swear), said relationship was only forced upon me for six months. Afterwards I was legally able to rid myself of the overbearing pony.

But alas, she was just too damn adorable and I couldn't find it within me to break us up.

Not to mention that she really knew how to use her tongue.

Also, dat ass!

In all honesty I still don't have a clue why she, ahem, loves me. I mean I took her out for a nice dinner on stolen money, fucked her into a drooling mess, and put up a massive hissy fit upon learning the consequences of my actions.

Maybe she's just desperate…or I'm a God in the sack.

I like to think the latter.

Oh yeah, why am I hiding in a closet?

Well…

You see, a few days ago I'd finally decided that enough was enough. Because of work and shit Celestia and I barely saw each other enough as it was, and when we did…my hips paid the price.

And my lips, and chin, and neck, and tongue, and…well, yes, anyway.

I had made my way into the throne room and spotted her sorting through some paperwork, that cute serene smile adoring her muzzle. She looked up from said paperwork and smiled widely upon noticing me.

"Sugarbear!" she exclaimed happily, putting down her work as her horn lit up. "You're home early today!"

Now mentally I was constantly reminding myself that us splitting up was for the best. But said thoughts were swiftly muddled when she quickly levitated me over to her and snuggled me against her tightly.

Maybe it was the warmth of her coat, or the comfort her loving nuzzles provided that made me reconsider.

Or it might have been the hoof she'd stuffed into my pants.

Yeah, the mare is seriously kinky and has no shame. You should have seen what she did at Scootaloo's birthday party.

Poor Scoots. She's never quite been the same happy filly since.

Anyway!

Celestia was more or less being her overly happy self when I finally decided to say it. In fact I made a show of it by forcing myself away from her heavenly touch. My dear Princess pouted adorably at my actions, nearly forcing a heart attack at the same time, and somehow made her eyes twice their usual size.

"Be strong Lee!" I reminded myself sternly. "She may be cute, she may be a goddess in bed, and she may have the best ass you've ever seen, period. But that mare is going to break you in two one of these days, not to mention you don't really love her…okay that's a lie, maybe you do like her a bit, a lot…a bit more than a lot…Okay enough! This is for the best and she is absolutely going to understand!"

"What's the matter honeydew?" Celestia asked, her eyes practically striking me down with their adorability…and warmth, and love, and everything possibly related to positive emotion. "Was I bit too rough Shmoopie?"

"Oh Christ, not that name!"

One of these days, I'm going to hunt down whoever invented that name and cook them with a side of fries and lettuce.

Don't ever say I'm unhealthy.

"No, no you were fine," I reassured awkwardly. "It's just…I think we should…I think…"

"Damnit this was so much easier in my head!"

Before I had any time to react, Celestia had yet again scooped me up with her magic and plopped me right back in her embrace. The next thing I knew, her lips were pressed against mine softly, that tongue having easily manipulated my mouth open so it could slither in.

By the time I'd realized what was going on, Celestia had withdrawn from my mouth and was regarding me with a very happy smile.

"Oh Pookie, you never even had to ask," she chirped joyfully, confusing me somewhat.

"Ask you what?" I inquired curiously.

Celestia cocked an eyebrow at my question, but rapidly dissolved into rather endearing giggles.

"Why anal of course!" she explained enthusiastically.

"But haven't we already done that," I asked confusedly.

The giggling Princess suddenly quietened down and chuckled mirthfully, before lidding her eyes at me and adorning her muzzle with a peculiar grin.

"Not to you," she growled sultrily.

…

Haha, nope!

Author's Notes:

And that's all for now, second chapter is coming up!

And you all thought I could never write a thousand word chapter. I mean it's not like I would ever write more than I already have done, then split it into little sections or anything.

Right O_O

Cya in a bit XD