Any self-respecting brony will be familiar with the Elements of Harmony, the magical power which Twilight and her friends used to stop Nightmare Moon when Twilight first came to Ponyville. These elements – Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty, Loyalty and Magic – when brought together by the spark of Friendship, can face down the darkest of foes. These elements reflect the values held most dear by the good ponies of Equestria.

However, there is another set of elements in Equestria, which reflect a pony’s darker nature. These elements are the direct opposite of the Elements of Harmony, and combined they can wreak terrible damage upon the just and innocent.

Take the Diamond Dogs. They sought to ponynap an innocent mare from her friends, put her to work at a task she was ill-suited to handle, give no thanks for her hard work, and collect anything she had received without any payment. The opposite of kindness in every way, the Diamond Dogs represent the Element of Nastiness.

Or Prince Blueblood. Where the Element of Laughter brings joy to everpony around her and can make the darkest of situations easier to bear, Prince Blueblood has only ever managed to bring pain and misery to everypony he meets, be it the servants he treats so awfully or the young mares whose hearts he has broken. He reflects the Element of Sorrow.

And then there’s Photo Finish. Vain and sure of her success, she sought to ignore the wishes of the models who worked for her, seeing them not as ponies of feeling but as mere subjects to photograph and money to be gained. Far from generous, she reflects the Element of Greed.

When it comes to honesty, there is no equal to Applejack. And so it is with her opposite, the self-centered Trixie. Always looking for another crowd to exploit and bolstering her name by telling of deeds she never accomplished, she is the very manifestation of the Element of Falsehood.

Or take Gilda. Unwilling to accept her old friend’s companions, Gilda chose to abandon Rainbow Dash rather than come to terms with the fact that she was no longer the center of the pegasus’ universe, and may never have been. Her willingness to turn her back marks her as the Element of Betrayal.

But the most dangerous element is the last, for it is also the spark that has brought these other elements together. It is the opposite of the order and focus that entails the use of magic. It is reflected by Pinkie’s imaginary friends, for this element is what gave birth to them and what drove the other elements to form the Legion of Gloom, to pursue the dreams of revenge. This last element…is the Element of Insanity.

Mind you, I’m only telling you all this because I thought it sounded cool. There’s no magic or powers involved with these elements, like with the Elements of Harmony. And none of the characters in this story know that these elements even exist. I’m only telling you this because it makes the Legion of Gloom sound way more intimidating and unified than they actually are – the elements have absolutely no effect on the events of this story whatsoever. I’m sorry if you were expecting something awesome to come out of all that text, I just thought it would sound neat. My apologies to anyone who got their hopes up, and I hope this doesn’t effect your enjoyment of the rest of the story.

We now return to your scheduled fan fiction, already in progress…

***

“Our plan is working perfectly!” Prince Blueblood cried triumphantly. The Legion of Gloom had returned to their headquarters in the Froggy Bottom Bog and were now standing around the still bound and gagged figures of Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity, and Spike.

“Of course!” Trixie said. “What less would you expect with The Great and Powerful Trixie working on your side?”

“Frankly, I didn’t think it was going to be so easy…” one of the Diamond Dogs muttered, only for the other two to nudge him sharply and give him a look that quite plainly said ‘Shut up now.’

“Now ve have to figure out what to with ze prisoners!” Photo Finish pointed out.

“Well, I know what I’m doing with you…” Gilda growled, approaching Pinkie. “I’m going to give you a little ‘flying lesson.’ I’ll just drop you from above the clouds. Don’t worry, I’ll catch you before you hit the ground…maybe.”

However, Pinkie wasn’t paying attention to Gilda, instead focusing on something else in the room. Rarity seemed to have noticed this. “Mmit. My mif mer ahm muck wuv fower, ahm saf wuv rofs, ahm wall wuv mint man ahm vuckef wuv furnis nef to Vinkie?” Rarity garbled through the bandana covering her muzzle, which roughly translated meant “Wait. Why is there a sack of flour, a stack of rocks, a ball of lint and a bucket of turnips next to Pinkie?”

“Don’t be getting too rough with the prisoners yet, half-breed!” Trixie yelled. “We need them as the ransom to get the other three! And The Great and Powerful Trixie will not rest until she has that inferior Sparkle!”

“Nor I, Photo Finish, with ze Flootershy!” Photo Finish jumped in.

Gilda glowered at the two of them for a second before shrugging. “I guess I could afford to wait. There’s still Rainbow Dash, after all.”

“Someone call my name?” a confident voice called out from behind them.

The group turned around abruptly to see none other than Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash standing at the end of the hall, looking confident and impressive.

“What…HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!?” Trixie screamed. “HOW DOES EVERYPONY KEEP FINDING THIS PLACE?!”

“Because there was a spy in your midst!” Twilight said dramatically as a brown owl swept up from behind her and landed softly on Twilight’s back. “You thought that Owlowiscious was working for you, but in fact he was a double-agent! The moment you ponynapped our friends, Owlowiscious told us how to find your headquarters!”

Owlowiscious gave a small “Hoo!” at this. Even through his mouth guard, Spike was able to mutter something through gritted teeth that sounded an awful lot like “Show off…”

“And now,” Twilight continued. “Your days are numbered! Before we left Ponyville I sent off a letter to Princess Celestia, who is sure to send dozens of royal guards here to rescue us within moments!”

There was a loud tap on the wall behind Twilight. The unicorn turned around and pressed the hoof-sized button on the wall to open the door. The gray pegasus with crossed eyes was hovering outside.

“Sorry ma’am, insufficient postage,” the pegasus grunted at Twilight, giving her a dirty look she obviously reserved only for those who dared to cheat the system (at least, it seemed like a dirty look…it was somewhat undercut by the crossed eyes). Twilight looked at the envelope:

Princess Celestia

1620 Highly Dangerous Situation

Nightmare Crater, The Moon

Under the single solitary stamp was stamped in harsh red letters ‘INSUFFICIENT POSTAGE.’

“Nuts,” Twilight sighed. “And I left my satchel with all my bits at home. Well ponies, I guess we’re going to have to handle this on our own.”

“And how do you propose to do that?” Prince Blueblood announced. “There’s eleven of us and only four of you! You’re hopelessly outnumbered!” He paused for a second. “Wait…eleven? No, there are only seven of us…why did I say eleven?” He muttered, scratching his head.

“Well no matter, you’re still outnumbered!” Trixie shouted.

“Uh…hello?” Rainbow Dash scoffed. “Equestria’s best young flyer, Ponyville’s greatest magician, and the world’s best animal expert here!”

“Vaht does being an animal expert have anyzing to do with rescuing your friends?” Photo Finish asked.

At that moment, there was a massive movement coming from behind Fluttershy. Wave after wave of adorable creatures – small mammals, amphibians, and birds – appeared behind the yellow pegasus, looking steely and ready for battle. Angel the Bunny was wearing a pasta strainer upside down on his head and holding a carrot like an assault rifle.

“Now everybody,” Fluttershy directed the animals. “Please don’t be too hard with them, okay? Mr. Hawk, don’t claw anyone’s eyes out again, okay? And Mrs. Beaver, I don’t want to see you chewing off any limbs this time, all right?” the hawk and beaver Fluttershy were addressing looked ashamed for a moment, but nodded.

“Everypony ready?” Twilight called. “And…CHARGE!!!” she lowered her head and ran at the Legion of Gloom, followed by Rainbow Dash, Owlowiscious and the dozens of forest animals.

It was chaos. The individual members of the Legion of Gloom had dispersed in different directions, each fighting a different battle. Owlowiscious and a few of the chipmunks had already clawed or chewed through the ropes binding Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack, releasing them within moments. A woodpecker was trying to remove Spike’s face guard but not having much luck, much to Spike’s discomfort.

Rainbow Dash and a contingent of hummingbirds were battling Gilda in the air, swooping and diving at each other. Twilight was taking on the Diamond Dogs, using her magic against their brute strength, while Rarity was facing down Prince Blueblood (literally – Rarity was screaming in the face of the prince, who had decided to cower against a wall). Angel Bunny was dueling Photo Finish, the rabbit using a carrot while the fashion photographer wielded a tripod she got from who knows where. Trixie was now defending herself against a very angry Applejack and a bunch of frogs.

Nopony in the room seemed to have noticed Pinkie shouting at four apparently inanimate objects. “I should have turned you into cupcakes!” she screamed at Madame LeFlour before giving it a mighty buck, ripping the canvas cover and causing white flour to spill on the floor. “And I should have made you into cookies!” she leveled a kick at Mr. Turnip, causing it to crash on the ground and a number of turnips to spill out. Pinkie suddenly stopped and put a hoof on her chin. “Wait, no…that wouldn’t make any sense. Turnip cookies would taste awful! Then again, I’ve never actually tried turnip cookies so maybe I shouldn’t judge before I’ve had some. But how would you make turnips into cookies?” as she was mulling this over she managed to back into Rocky, causing Pinkie to jump several feet into the air.

“Oh, thought you could sneak up on me, huh?” Pinkie shouted at Rocky. The stack of rocks was standing next to Sir Lints-a-lot. “And team up to take me down?” Pinkie hollered. “Well, you’d better be ready for my PINK-FU!” she stood on her hind legs and gave a number of sharp kicks and jabs before swiping at Rocky, causing the top two rocks to fall off and pin Sir Lints-a-lot to the ground.

Pinkie smiled slyly. “You are a formidable opponent, but you are no match for me!” she said in a vaguely Asian accent, somehow managing to speak it aloud and out of sync with the movements of her mouth at the same time.

“What…is…your…DEAL?!” Rainbow Dash gritted through her teeth, diving at Gilda with each word.

“You left to hang out with that lame-o Pinkie!” Gilda shouted, swiping at a passing hummingbird with her claw.

“I thought we went over this!” Dash cried. “What, am I not allowed to have new friends?”

Gilda decided to answer this with by diving at Rainbow Dash, her claws extended and ready to cut, when she was knocked out of the air by one of the Diamond Dogs, who had been sent flying by a spell from Twilight.

“-MOST UNCOUTH, DISGUSTING, PRETENTIOUS, VILE PONY THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO MEET!” Rarity’s scream rang throughout the room, interrupted only by a scream from Trixie as a frog landed on her horn, knocking her hat off. In another corner of the room, a surprisingly loud ‘thunk!’ was heard when Photo Finish’s tripod struck Angel’s carrot.

“Zis is the end of the line…for you!” Photo Finish said sharply. Angel gave her a glare that quite plainly said “Bring it, toots.” Nearby, Gummy and Owlowiscious were surrounded by a crowd of animals, but there was no fight here – the alligator and the owl seemed to be taking bets on each of the fights and the animals were placing fruits, acorns, and other items of value to the forest creatures down and going back and forth over the odds of each fighter.

And so it would have continued, had Prince Blueblood not backed into the panel of buttons on the wall behind him.

“STORY TERMINATION SEQUENCE INITIATED” a loud, robotic voice overwhelmed every other noise in the room. It was accompanied by flashing red lights and repetitive sirens and caused every individual in the room to freeze in place, trying to figure out what was happening.

Prince Blueblood backed sharply away from the wall before dashing over to Trixie. “Hold me, my love!” he hollered, attempting to jump into Trixie’s front legs only to pin the unfortunate blue unicorn to the ground.

Twilight looked around her. The red lights were blinking faster, the sirens growing more frequent as the entire world seemed to be shimmering slightly at the edges, falling away from Twilight.

“This doesn’t make any sense…” Twilight muttered. “It’s almost as if I’ve been…”

***

Twilight awoke with a start. “…dreaming?” she muttered slowly. Her eyes began to focus and adjust to the light…first she could see the book her head had apparently fallen asleep on, drool forming a small puddle on the pages…then she could see the desk with other books and a set of quills sitting next to a couple of empty cups and a glass bottle half-full of a brownish-red liquid…then the rest of the library…and then finally the windows and the morning sky beyond them.

The unicorn groaned and lifted herself off her desk. “That’s it…” she muttered to herself. “I’ve got to start going easier on the apple cider…” her eyes found a plate on the floor littered with crumbs. “And no more Pinkie Pie treats before I go to sleep.”

She yawned and stretched for a second before there was a knock at her door. Twilight grunted and got up to answer it.

“Welcome to the Ponyville Library, how can I-“ she was cut off when her visitor, a gray pegasus with crossed eyes, thrust her face into Twilight’s, giving her an angry and thoroughly disappointed expression.

“Really? Really?! You sunk to the lowest common denominator? The ‘Oh, it was all just a dream!’ set up?” Derpy Hooves demanded.

“…What? What are you talk-“ Twilight was interrupted when Derpy shoved a hoof into Twilight’s mouth.

“Tsk, tsk. Couldn’t come up with a decent ending, so you reverted to the worst of clichés. Oh sure, the idea of a team of supervillains, well that’s just comedic gold, but when the time comes to actually make them do something you drop the ball! And here I was really enjoying myself!”

Derpy removed her hoof from Twilight’s muzzle and turned around in a huff. “STORY! I WANT TO SEE YOUR SUPERVISOR! THIS WILL NOT DO!” she screamed at the sky before taking to the air.

Twilight stared at the receding figure of Derpy, mouth agape and unable to process what had just happened. “The ponies in this town are crazy…” she finally muttered to herself before stepping back inside and closing the door.

Fin