The truck slowly pulled up to the library. It was getting pretty late, 9:38pm to be exact. Spike was passed out, but Twilight was still up, although she had the seat divider flipped up and was resting against my side.

I turned off the truck and killed the headlights, only to realize that the bathroom light inside the library was on. “Twi?” I whispered. She gave a quiet ‘Hmm’ for her reply. “Did you leave the bathroom light on?” I asked. I felt her head gently move side to side, telling me that she hadn’t.

“Stay here,” I told her, though there wasn’t much argument because, by the time I left the truck, she passed out on the front seat. The library was deathly silent along with the surroundings. This just wasn’t right.

I went to the back of my truck and once again unveiled the Norinco 870 shotgun. I grabbed three 3 inch magnum rounds, loading two into the tubular magazine and one in the chamber.

I silently walked across the lawn, my trench coat fluttering about in the night wind. For whatever reason, the street lamps were very dim and the moon was equal in terms of light. The whole scenario gave the world an eerie look.

I leaned against the wall beside the door and silently twisted the door knob. With the knob fully twisted, I gave a small and gentle push. I immediately felt a wire attached to the door handle inside and stopped my sluggish entry.

Silently closing the door, I crouched down and made my way around back. Luckily the basement window was open. Whoever these burglars were, they were good, but not perfect.

I crept into my room, which was pitch black. It took a moment for my eyes to partly adjust and I gauged were everything was. As I crept along through the darkness, I’d use my shotgun to poke sometimes, using it like a blind man’s cane.

I finally managed to find the stairs, but every step I took sounded like an ear piercing squeak. ‘God, I never knew these stairs were so squeaky…’ I thought to myself. I tried painfully to be as quiet as I could, but with everything so silent, each step sounded like the equivalent of a crack of lightning in a thunder storm.

I lost track of the amount of stairs I had climbed and accidentally bumped into the door. “Shit…” I whispered under my breath. Pressing my ear to the door, I listened for noises on the other side.

My heartbeat echoed in my head, making it difficult to hear. “Okay… easy now Burdy,” I whispered to myself. Taking a step back, I arched my foot back to boot down the door, then quickly realized how irrational that was.

“Easy does it Burdy…” I whispered. I opened the door with a gentle and slow pace. I took a peek into the library, but it was equally as dim as the basement had been.

My senses picked up a presence just past the door. I opened the door just enough to slip through before approaching the intruder. ‘Steady now… steady…’ Ever so slowly, and almost naturally, my left hand reached forwards, while my right held my shotgun.

In a flash of motion, I snapped my left hand around the culprit’s mouth and pulled him back. I pressed the shotgun up against his back, but kept my finger off the trigger. “Now listen here you piece of scumbag shit,” I hissed in a whispering voice. “My 12 guage will splatter your guts all over this library unless you play your cards right… got that?” I snarled.

I heard a very faint and absolutely petrified whimpering come from the culprit, whom I now had reason to believe was female. “Sssh… shut the fuck up!” I hissed a little louder.

Before I could react, every light in the home lit up, blinding me and sending my senses wild. ‘AMATEUR… YOU FUCKING AMATEUR BURDY!’ I silently yelled at myself as I raised my shotgun to shoulder level.

“SURPRISE!” yelled a unison chorus.

There were… party noises? The sound of confetti exploding into the air along with squeaking balloons filled the atmosphere. My vision quickly adapted to the blinding light and I saw… just about everypony from Ponyville.

In front of me, on all four of her knees, was a whimpering pale yellow pegasus. “What the…” I trailed off in complete confusion about what the hell was going on.

The pink mare whom I had met this morning at the bakery bounced around playfully. I let go of the whimpering pegasus and lowered my shotgun. “The hell is this?” I muttered.

“Well duh silly, it’s your party!” Squealed the frilly pink mare.

“For what?” I asked. It was nowhere close to my birthday. The pink mare slapped herself in the forehead like my question was dumb.

“HELLO? It’s your arrival party. The party everyone gets when they arrive in Ponyville. I’ve just had a hard time setting it up because you were always in the basement, but when you finally left the house, I had time to…” She took in a deep breath and I swear she was about to explode.

“SET YOU UP THE MOST AWESOMEST PARTY EVER!” She squealed in absolute delight.

My thoughts finally came to and I realized I was in no real danger… well maybe sleep deprivation.

My eyes felt heavy and my body felt drowsy. The effort I had put into sneaking in had really zapped up the rest of my energy. “I’ll be back,” I muttered groggily as I began to walk for the door, nearly tripping over the still whimpering pegasus.

I smirked and gave her a pat on the shoulder. “Next time, don’t sneak up on me.” I gave a smirk and a brief chuckle.

No sooner had I left, the entire library was filled with the sound of socializing and partying ponies. “Oh for the love of god… first Twilight crying, now ponies having a party,” I let out a deep exhale. “I’ll never get any sleep.”

I retrieved both Spike and Twilight from my truck. Twilight luckily awoke when I nudged her, but Spike was out cold. I flipped his body onto my shoulder and proceeded back inside.

Thankfully, most of the ponies seemed not to care about my presence anymore, having already surprised me. Rather than try to socialize with me, they just stood around and mingled about carelessly.

I gave Spike to Twilight who brought him upstairs and I myself began to walk towards the basement door. Right before I could open the door however, a playful dog slid in front of my legs and pawed at my knees.

“Winona, down,” I heard Applejack’s voice shoot across the room and the dog immediately ceased her playfulness.

“Aww… it’s okay pup,” I said in a tired voice. I took a knee and scratched behind the dog’s ears. The dog was pretty small, only measuring up to my knees while she stood on all fours, but regardless, it was cute.

“Didn’t know yah had a lovin’ side,” Applejack teased from behind me, with a somewhat taunting tone.

“Oh, course I do,” I said with a smile, not looking back to her. “I just don’t show it much is all,” I replied as I continued to rub the dog’s head. I began to make bubbly baby noises as I played with the dog. “Oooh, who’s a good dog? You’re a good dog. Oh yeah, yeah, you’re such a good dog… ooh, who likes a scratch behind the ears? You do? Oh yes you do,” I continued massaging the dog’s head and it suddenly flipped onto its back, demanding a belly rub.

“Now ah’ll be,” Applejack said in a stunned voice, “Ah ain’t never seen Winona get so friendly that fast. She never lets strangers rub ‘er belly,” Applejack stated and I shrugged.

“Strangers probably don’t know how to make her happy… least that’s what ah reckon anyway,” I stated as I rubbed up and down Winona’s belly. The dog’s tail wagged as she panted happily. I felt Applejack’s hoof rest on my shoulder.

“Yer good with animals, huh?” she asked and I nodded. “Yah should see if it’s okay with Twilight, then get yerself a pet. Might do yah some good.” Her suggestion brought up memories of my own dog.

I knew that my dog had bad arthritis before I got teleported here, so I had no idea if she was still alive or not. A lone tear dripped from my eyes as I remembered my best friend in the whole world.

I immediately stood up and nodded, not letting on that I almost cried. “Maybe,” I muttered in a raspy voice. I was exhausted and I needed some serious sleep. Feeling the dampness of tears coming to my eyes, I quickly moved away from the crowd and to the basement door.

Closing the door behind me, I let go of my restraint and felt tears began to flood my vision. ‘Pussy,’ my conscious hissed to me. “Shut up,” I scowled back as I slowly paced down the stairs. I hadn’t cried in so long, and this felt… painful.

I sat on the edge of my bed. The moonlight that pierced through my window seemed to make each droplet of tear gleam in the night. I took several deep breaths then sucked back, stopping my tears. “Crying doesn’t bring her back,” I told myself. I unslung my shotgun and unloaded it. Finally, after a very long day, I got to lie down.

The festivities upstairs went on, but I could care less if I wasn’t there, and apparently so could they. I didn't hear anypony asking where I was so I figured they didn't care all that much that I wasn't there. As soon as my eyelids shut, I was out cold.

I really hated hunter orange, I really did. I mean sure, it was safe, but couldn’t someone have made it into a camouflage pattern or something. It just always seemed so much more practical to have something that people would always be able to distinguish, and that animals couldn’t.

I supposed that, in the end, it was the safest route. The orange hunter coat felt ridiculous on my body, along with the stupid orange toque. ‘I swear to god, it was probably some animal rights activists that made up these rules,’ I silently thought to myself.

The century old ‘American Gun Corps.’ double barrel 12 gauge rested heavily in my hands. This thing would technically be an antique if it had been taken care of over the years. Regardless of how clunky, heavy, and rather old it was, I loved to use it anyway.

The sound of a duck calmly quaking about filled the air. I quickly brought my left hand in front of the mix breed dog beside me. Bringing my left finger up to my mouth, I motioned for her to keep quiet, though I doubted that she understood me.

I cocked back both hammers of the side by side shotgun with one simple swipe of my right palm, then my right index and middle fingers slide into the trigger guard. My index finger rested on the front trigger while my right rested just in front of the rear.

My dog, Ally, became anxious. Her tail began to wag furiously and she started panting. A disgruntled duck quack sounded and I looked to Ally. “Ally, sssh,” I whispered. She didn’t pay any attention to me however, and continued to pant.

The quacks became more and more cautious as they became skittery. I took two bold steps forward then paused. The duck quacks continued and I let out a high pitched whistle.

The flapping of wings beating in the air sounded like thunder as five ducks took off into the air above the marshy swamp. My shotgun was up in a blur of motion.

KABOOM! The first shot was immediately echoed by a second, KABOOM. Two ducks fell and the remaining three quickly flew out of range. I thumbed the hitch release and the barrels flung open. I removed the two spent casings and set them in my left pocket. I’d give the spent shells to my Uncle Blair, seeing as how he loved reloading shotgun shells into his own special magnum loads.

I heard Ally slugging through the thick grass of the marsh. The sound of her happy panting filled the now subtle air. In less than two minutes she had both ducks retrieved, though she had made the second duck into her own personal snack.

“Dog..." I shook my head with a chuckle. "What am I going to do with you?” I asked. She looked up to me with loving eyes and I just shook my head with a roll of my eyes. Letting out a sigh then grabbing the duck that she hadn’t destroyed, I began walking back to my house. “Duck for supper sound good to you?” I asked. Ally held the destroyed duck in her mouth. “Yeah, probably eh?” I chuckled.

Light pierced through my eyelids, making my morning wake-up somewhat disturbed, but all the while subtle and relatively peaceful. My eyelids were crusty, dry, and filled with eye boogers.

It only took a moment to rub away the eye boogers, but my eyes were still dry. I gave a rather loud yawn and tears soon came to my eyes. “That’ll do it,” I whispered before rubbing away the tears.

It took a few minutes for me to stretch and accept the fact that today, I didn’t really want to work out. “I think I’ll fuck the dog today,” I chuckled sarcastically. The taste of morning awfulness filled my mouth. My stomach felt as if it was a cement churner, giving me a slightly nauseous feeling.

“I eat cereal for breakfast, and today… I am VERY HUNGRY,” I stated in a Schwarzenegger voice. I stood up and looked to the shotgun and shells that cluttered the floor beside my bed. The three shotgun shells soon found a home in my right pocket while I slung the Chinese shotgun around my back.

I slipped on my trench coat and it flapped about freely as I walked up the stairs. “Today, I shall be a cowboy,” I chuckled. My movements were sluggish, but I eventually made my way to the kitchen.

The plentiful colours of Fruity Hoops filled my cereal bowl along with some 2% milk. I waited for the milk to seep into the cereal just a little before starting to eat it. As I crunched down on the cereal, I took a look at the cover of the box.

‘THEY’RE SUPERB!’ I thought to myself in a Tony the Tiger voice. I placed my left hand on my face and shook my head from the still retarded catchphrase. A small smile crept onto my face as my left hand was left on my face, chucking from the ridiculousness of marketing ideas.

“They’re so goddamn good you’ll wish you didn’t get diabetes from it,” I laughed silently. My breakfast was almost over just as Spike moseyed on into the kitchen. He grabbed a bowl and, just like me, poured himself a bowl of cereal, though his was much smaller.

“How was your sleep?” I asked and he yawned.

“It was alright. I fell asleep in your truck then woke up in my bed,” he replied, still dazed from morning sleepiness. I nodded then finished off my cereal.

“Well kid, I’m off to work. Say good morning to Twilight for me, would yah?” he nodded. I placed my dirty bowl in the sink then dressed up for the day. Though it wasn’t work clothes, I slipped on: a white V-neck T-shirt, a pair of brown trousers, and my dark brown trench coat.

As always, my Terra work boots were my footwear, though now I was wondering if perhaps Rarity could make me some new cowboy boots… with spurs on the back… and a leather vest… and a real duster coat…

I quickly sped out the door, to my truck, and then towards Rarity’s.

“Wait… slow down…” she let out a deep breath as she tried to make out my jabbering. “Do you mean like… western wear?” she asked and I nodded. Her eyes went wide and I could tell it might be difficult for her to do.

She quickly levitated out a measuring tape and began taking precise measurements. “Tight or loose fitting, darling?” she asked.

“Not really loose, but loose,” I replied. She nodded and continued measuring my entire body, though she sped through measuring around my groin.

She stepped back and brought out a piece of paper, scribbled something down, then showed it to me. “Is this what you want dear?” she asked and I shook my head with a silent ‘no.’ She gave a frowny face but I let a small smile perk up on my face.

“Almost. Can you get rid of the little flaps behind the neck on the duster? I’m not fancy on that. Other than that… yeah, that’s perfect,” I replied. She nodded, let out another breath then rubbed her front hooves together.

“It should only take a few hours,” she informed me. I handed her the rest of my remaining bits. “What’s this… oh darling, you don’t need to…” I cut her off as I brought my right index finger to her mouth.

“You are… the best! Second to none. Of course I need to pay you,” I replied, then left the premise. I hopped in my truck and flicked on the radio then browsed through the CD track as I made my way to Sweet Apple Acres.

As my truck bumped along the trail, I hummed to the tune that began playing on the radio. I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel in rhythm with music. 'Dude Looks Like a Lady, by Aerosmith' I was so hyped up from the news that I was getting western wear, that I almost forgot about getting a puppy.

I began to clap my hands, put sway into my body, and followed the rhythm of the song.

I began jamming to the song as I sped along the bumpy trails, sometimes even taking my hands off the wheel just to jam a little harder. Putting a more masculine tone to it, I began singing along to the song.

The drive took only a few minutes, considering the pace I was going, and it felt rather quick.

I parked Cadence near the front of the Apple family home and killed the motor. I slipped off my trench coat, not wanting to muck it up, and then stepped out. I brushed my right hand through my hair as I looked around.

“Things look nice today huh?” I asked to nopony in particular.

“Indeed it does. Ready fer work? Just got a new shipment a saplin’s,” Applejack stated. I nodded and we immediately went to work.

Hours later…

I flopped down with an exhausted sigh and streaked my hands through my sweaty short hair. “Ah yes… now that feels good,” I muttered as my back unclasped. I looked to the afternoon sun and smiled.

My head bobbed slightly as tiredness quickly overtook me. Well, I was technically done, seeing as how we were out of saplings. ‘Maybe… I’ll just rest… for a second…’ I thought to myself as my eyes fluttered. Then, ever so slowly, my conscience became void and dark.

“THEY’RE SUPERB!” Yelled the scorpion lion thing from Fruity Hoops. “Fruity Hoops are part of a nutritious breakfast!” It yelled, but its voice sounded… feminine.

“And always remember that I’m at the top of the food chain!” she yelled then lashed out at me. “Wait! What the fuck!?” I yelled silently, leaping out of the way just in time to dodge her swing.

I rolled, planted my feet, then lept up. I instinctively reached for a holster on my hip. ‘Wait, when did I get a hip holster?’

In a flash of motion I drew out a gleaming Colt SAA that had ivory grips. I brought the revolver down to hip level and fanned the hammer. .45LC rounds flew through the air and collided with the mascot beast.

As if I had no control over my body, my right finger hit a cylinder release tab and the cylinder swung out, automatically ejecting all the shells. ‘Wait! Colt SAAs don’t have cylinder releases!’ I tried to scream out but nothing happened, my body just kept moving on its own.

In another blur of motion, my left hand stuffed a speed loader of six rounds into the empty cylinder. My right hand flicked its wrist and the cylinder snapped shut. Then, without fanning the hammer, my right index finger began pulling the trigger.

The revolver seemed to act double action though the actual hammer itself never moved. The gun echoed with loud gunshots that were just short of deafening to my eardrums.

The gun clicked, signalling it was empty. My right thumb instinctively cocked the hammer back and somehow, probably mystically, the gun was fully loaded again. I fired off another six rounds in roughly two seconds. The creature in front of me roared and swatted me aside.

My vision blurred red, then everything seemed to get… hippy-ish. The sky swirled with weird light patterns. Bugs seemed to form out of clouds, then would stretch out like spaghetti and form something else that was completely irrelevant.

‘WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!’ I tried to scream, but again nothing came out, just silence. The lion scorpion came over and slammed its right paw down on my chest. A mixture of blue and green fluids sprayed into the air, almost like I had been stabbed.

The creature then pulled its paw away, leaving a nasty claw stabbed into my chest. The lion somehow grasped a large revolver and chambered a round. “Time to join your father, detective,” it stated in a female Russian voice.

I wanted to throw my arms into the air and yell ‘THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.’ Suddenly a dog plummeted into the side of the creature, knocking it aside. My stare changed to the two as they battled.

At first the dog easily outclassed the lion, biting at its neck and scratching the lion’s underbelly as the duo fought on their hindlegs.

All of a sudden, the lion tackled the dog to the ground and thrashed its jaws into the dog’s gut. The dog whimpered out in pain as purple fluid splashed through the air, some of it tainting my vision like I was in some sort of videogame.

My right hand reached to the claw that was stabbed into my chest. I gripped it with a death grip and pulled it out, almost effortlessly. Pain shot through my mind after the claw was removed, but this time real looking blood splattered out of my chest, again tainting my vision like some sort of videogame.

I flipped the claw in my hand, spinning it and grasping the tip with just my thumb and index finger. “Hey pussy cat!” My body’s voice called out. The lion turned and no sooner had it looked at me, my hand tossed the claw through the air.

Time seemed to slow to a ridiculous drag time and I could literally see the claw cutting through the air, wisping air out of its way and making visual air waves. The claw stabbed right between the eyes of the lion and an obscene amount of black blood splattered in the air.

I wanted to just flop my arms around due to the stupidity of what was going on. The lion slowly fell backwards, slamming into the ground and creating a tuft of dust as it landed.

I rolled over onto my hands and knees and began crawling over to the dog. Grey spots of blood spurted onto the ground, dotting the ground in a weird colour scheme. My vision blurred to an absurd amount but, regardless, my body somehow knew where it was going.

“Ally…” I mindlessly spoke with a British accent. “Ally,” I said again, still in a British accent. “Ally!” I continued crawling along the ground until I reached the mutilated dog which was somehow still alive.

Her blood was everywhere, except her blood wasn’t blood, it was… Fruity Hoops? I cradled my now dying dog in my arms, weeping softly as she started to pass.

“Evan…” she whispered in a soft tone. Tears dripped from my eyes and dampened her facial fur. She weakly brought a paw up to my face and rubbed my cheek. “Never let go…” she took a final, short breath, then her paw suddenly fell from my face and her body went limp in my arms.

“No… Ally… please don’t go,” my voice spoke out.

A gentle nudge spooked me awake and I was up in an instant. I was panting heavily and immediately, my glare shot to Applejack who stood before me. “Ah’d ask if yah were workin hard er hardly working, but… knowing you, ah’d say it was a bit a’ both,” Applejack stated. The evening sun made her pretty blonde ponytail gleam, making her look rather nice.

I let out a deep exhale. “Thank you,” I whispered and she raised an eyebrow.

“Fer what?” she asked and I chuckled.

“For saving me from my dream that you really don’t want to know about,” I said as I remembered the funky-ass, somewhat saddening dream. She was about to ask what it was about, but must’ve figured it was better not to ask.

AJ handed me a pouch. “That’s a hundred ‘n fifty. Reckon yah worked that hard,” she stated and I nodded.

“Where can I get a puppy?” I asked and she tilted her head in slight confusion. “You know… yay big,” I said as I measured out with my hands how big a puppy would be. “Cute, cuddly, adorable,” Applejack cut me off.

“Ah know what a puppy looks like…” she trailed off and shook her head. “How yah go from one topic then suddenly switch tah another sometimes confuses me,” she stated then rubbed her forehead. “Ah suppose Fluttershy could help. She lives in a cottage that way…” she trailed off and pointed over to the forest.

“Sweet! Thanks AJ!” I sputtered out my sentence and was off in a fume of dust, heading towards my truck.

“HEY WAIT!” Applejack called out. I turned back and looked to her. “Yah might not want tah go at this hour. ‘Specially after what happened last night at Twilight’s,” she stated and I brushed my hand in the air carelessly.

“Bah, it’ll be fine. She’ll understand when I explain it to her,” I replied and rushed off. ‘Why? What happened at Twilight’s last night? I know there was a party, but did she get really drunk and was still trying to get over her hangover or something?’ I thought. ‘Probably something I should’ve asked AJ,’ I thought to myself as I turned on my truck.

“Time to get a puppy,” I squealed happily. ‘Hopefully she’ll have a golden retriever like what Chrysie got. Or maybe…’ I trailed off and squealed in delight as I thought about a certain breed of dog. I slipped the truck into drive and pinned the pedal to the metal… well actually it was pinned to the carpet.

A thought came to my head and I slammed the brakes, did a u-turn, and then sped towards Rarity’s. “My stuff will be ready,” I told myself as I flicked on the radio and changed the track back to ‘Dude looks like a lady’.

Time seemed to drag on forever as I sped along towards Rarity’s. “Man… I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve,” I muttered to myself.

Finally, and I mean it felt like forever, I reached the boutique. I left my truck idling and rushed in without even knocking. Rarity nearly jumped out of her beautiful white fur as I barged into her boutique.

“GAH! Darling…” she gasped, bringing a hoof to her chest. She tried to slow her now heavy breathing. “You startled me,” she stated then let out a deep exhale. “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking? Why, I almost thought you were a robber,” she informed me.

“Indeed… I’m gonna get a puppy from somepony in the forest so I gotta make this quick,” I informed her rather quickly. She nodded, almost as if she knew what I needed and levitated over a cluster of folded clothing.

I quickly undressed to nothing but my boxers. Rarity blushed and covered her eyes with her left hoof. “Darling! Do you really have to do that here?” she asked timidly.

“Sorry… I’m in a real rush,” I replied bashfully. I glanced over and noticed that she had lifted her hoof up slightly so that she could catch a glance of me. “Like the scenery?” I asked.

She gave a faint peep and quickly covered her vision. A blush came across her cheeks and I chuckled silently as I finished slipping on the apparel. “Oh… my… god!” I gasped and she lept up.

“What’s wrong darling?” she asked in a worried tone.

“This… is so… sick,” I muttered in an utterly amazed voice.

“You… you don’t like it?” she whimpered and I looked over to her with a raised eyebrow.
“Huh? No… I mean yes. I mean, yes I like it. That’s why I said it’s sick,” I told her and she tilted her head in a confused manner. “Uhm… uh…” I let out a faint chuckle as I realized she had probably taken it the wrong way. “Back on my world, when you say something is ‘Sick!’ it generally means it’s kickass,” I informed her.

“Who created your world’s strange dialogue?” she asked and I shrugged. I paced over, picked her up, and swung her around in circles, keeping her in a tight hug all the while.

“Thank you so much Rarity. These clothes are so cool,” I told her then stopped swirling around and set her down. She staggered about briefly and brought a hoof to her head in an attempt to balance herself. Her mane was now frazzled and out of style, giving her a kind of hipster look. She let out a fainting breath and collapsed on a couch that was conveniently placed behind her.

“Well, I gotta go get a puppy. Thanks again Rarity,” I said as I leaned down and gave her a gentler hug. With that, I rushed out of the boutique, leaving Rarity to sort herself out. I kinda felt bad, but I really, really, REALLY, wanted my new puppy.

I banged on the door frantically, almost as if I was being chased by Timberwolves. The lights were all on, so I knew somepony was home. The door gently opened to reveal a pale yellow pegasus with a long, flowing pink mane.

“Hi,” I said and, for whatever reason, I sounded a little like Schwarzenegger when I said it. Her eyes went wide then she screamed in absolute horror and slammed the door in my face.

“Well dat was rude,” I whispered to myself, still in an Arnie voice. I frowned then knocked again.

A voice replied, but it was so faint that I could barely hear it. “Go away!... Well, that is if you don’t mind…”

I knocked again. “Please don’t hurt me… if that’s okay with you,” the voice cried. ‘What the fuck? Who the fuck talks like that. Don’t hurt me, if that’s okay with you? That’s…’ I trailed off my thoughts and knocked again.

“Excuse me… ma’am? I’d like to get a puppy and was told this was a good place to go,” I called out loud. A doggy door opened and a gerbil was pushed through.

I picked it up in the palm of my hand and it looked up to me, sitting on its rump as its whiskers twitched. I set it back down and pushed it back through the doggy door. “Can I have a dog?” I asked.

This time a full sized dog was pushed through. It was a slobbering Great Dane. I pushed it back with a roll of my eyes. “I kinda wanted a puppy,” I stated.

A hairless Chihuahua puppy was pushed through. I picked it up in my right palm and looked at the grotesque creature. It stood shaking in the palm of my hand with a weird look on it's face. I set it down and pushed it back to the owner. “Do you have a catalogue I can choose from?” I asked.

A few moments passed before a scrap of paper was pushed to me. The whole page was obviously written very quickly. The title read, in scratchy writing: ‘Catalogue’ and the understatement read ‘I has animals’ then there was a small blurb at the bottom.

I leaned my face close to it so that I could read it. ‘Please leave me alone… unless you don’t want to.’

“Who the fuck…” I let out a sigh at how retarded this mare was when she talked. You don’t ask someone to leave and then state it’s okay to stay if they don’t want to leave. I began to beat my head against the trunk of the tree due to the absolute stupidity of what was going on.

“I don’t know what’s weirder: my dream, or this,” I scowled to myself. My forehead began to swell and bleed as I continued to bang it off the tree home. At least it was somewhat furnished and the bark wasn’t ragged. In fact, the bark was actually smooth, probably the reason my forehead wasn't scratched all to shit.

The door opened slightly and a head peeked out. “OH MY CELESTIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” the mare gasped and I looked over to her, blood now running down part of my forehead.

“This is some screwy dream,” I stated, my balance starting to topple.

She gasped then rushed to my side. “Why would you hurt yourself?!” she pleaded and I grimaced slightly.

“Not quite sure. Why are you so timid?” I asked. There was a long pause as she kept silent.

“But I don’t hurt myself… oh dear… that looks like it hurts,” she whispered worriedly as she fluttered up to eye level and examined my face. I tugged away and she gasped, then tried to further examine my face.

“Oh… please hold still… well, if it’s okay with you,” she stated sheepishly. I kept pulling my face away from her view and she continued to try and examine my wound.

“If I let you examine me, then will you give me a puppy?” I asked.

“All you wanted was a… a puppy?” she asked in a shocked tone. Suddenly it clicked. This was that mare… the one that I held at gunpoint… the one at Twilight’s house last night that I thought was a burglar.

“Sorry,” I apologized and she stayed silent, not sure yet what I was apologizing for. “Last night. I uhh… kinda thought you were a burglar. So… sorry for holding yah at gunpoint and... well..." I chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry for threatening to kill you.” I apologized, explaining my apology.

“Me… a burglar?” she gasped, pointing to herself in disbelief.

“It was dark and gloomy. How was I supposed to know. Kinda like how you didn’t know all I wanted was a dog,” I informed her.

She let out a relieved sigh then nodded. “Thank you. I thought for sure you were coming to finish me off,” she told me, and then out of nowhere, she pulled out a medical kit and began putting some sort of cream on my forehead, then wrapped it with medical wrap. “You should be more careful. You could get a really, really bad head injury,” she told me in a googly voice, almost as if she was speaking to an infant. “Now, about that puppy…”

An hour later…

My duster coat flapped about freely in the gentle breeze as she finished her song. ‘As if she flew around for the last hour singing about the perfect pet,’ I thought silently. I blinked as she drew uncomfortably close to my face, with a squeaky bright smile plastered on hers.

I leaned back with a rather hesitant smile, but still she stayed hovering ever closer to my face. She finally stopped flying closer to me, but now her face was only millimeters away from mine. I could literally feel her gentle breathing against my cheeks. “I want an English Collie puppy,” I stated bluntly. She brought her front hooves up to her face, squealing in absolute delight before dashing off. ‘God… she just went from creepy… to just plain disturbing,’ I thought.

In another moment she raced back, a beautiful Collie in her hooves. “Is it a male or female?” I asked.

“Female. Is that okay with you?” she asked and I nodded.

“Perfect actually,” I replied as I took the puppy and cradled it in my arms. “I shall call her Lassie,” I said as I rocked the astonishingly young puppy in my arms. It probably wasn’t older than 3 months. I began to make googly sounds as I rubbed it's tummy with my fingers. "Oooh, who's a little cutie pie?" I squeaked. The puppy had a funny smile on it's face as it's tongue drooled out the side of it's mouth.

I looked up to ask Fluttershy how old my puppy was, but realized she was flying around frantically. I walked over to my truck, opened the passenger door, and set my new puppy on the passenger seat.

I closed the door behind me as I made my way over to the frantic pegasus. “Are you… alright?” I asked and she shook her head frantically.

“No! It’s Angel. Angel’s run off into the Everfree! WhatamIgoingtodo?!” she cried in absolute fear.

“Go get him?” I asked like it was a simple task. She grabbed the collar of my coat and shook me gently.

“Just go get him!?” she stated in a regular voice, though I was willing to bet this was her version of screaming frantically. “It’s spring time! This is when all the predators come out of hibernation. It would be…” she trailed off and leaned towards me, then motioned for me to lean in for a secret.

I leaned towards her face and she motioned for me to get closer. I leaned a bit closer, but she motioned for me to get closer still. I leaned, but it still wasn’t far enough. I leaned closer and she brought her lips right to my ear.

‘God that’s uncomfortable,’ I thought just before she whispered into my ear. It felt like she was tongue raping my ear “It would be…” she trailed off again, then whispered so softly that I couldn’t hear her.

“What was that?” I asked and she whispered again but, although louder, I still couldn’t hear her. “Come again?” I asked. She whispered “Sui…” but a nearby floating leaf whispered past and made it difficult to hear.

“One more time,” I stated.

This time it was kind of clear. “Suicide,” she whispered. I raised an eyebrow and leaned back.

“Is that like… a bad word or something?” I asked and she nodded rapidly. I rolled my eyes and walked over to my truck and retrieved my SKS rifle, a couple rounds of ammunition, and my bowie knife.

“Okay… I’ll help you on this…” I grabbed her, brought her close, then whispered into her ear. “Suicide mission,” I leaned back and she brought her hooves to her mouth.

“You’d… you’d help me? Why?... I mean, if you don’t mind me asking,” she asked and I rolled my eyes. ‘Man… this mare is really weird,’ I silently thought.

“Because we’re guh friens,” I told her in a Schwarzenegger tone. She nodded with a genuine smile before she pulled me into a hug.

“Thank you so much. I don’t know what I would’ve done,” she thanked me and, again, I rolled my eyes. This mare was too… caring.

“Well, we haven’t found him yet. Maybe we should get moving?” I offered. She quickly pulled back from the hug and nodded, then started following what I presumed to be Angel’s path.

So it turned out that we were looking for a rabbit. Yeah, go figure, she has us going on a suicide mission for a rabbit. And, for the last few hours, I could swear we were going around in circles.

I looked to my watch and thumbed the light button. A neon blue glow lit up the digital readout ’11:39 PM.’

“We’re walking in circles,” I mumbled. She stopped hovering for a moment and landed.

“How do you know?” she asked frantically. ‘How a mare stays absolutely frantic for hours on end is beyond me,’ I kept my thoughts to myself. I knelt down, pulled out my bowie knife, and tapped the multiple sets of boot prints.

“I’ve walked over this trail at least a dozen times,” I told her. She brought her front hooves to her cheeks as she flopped down onto her haunches.

“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear ohdearohdear…” she continued being absurdly frantic and I paced over to a nearby bush to take a leak.

As I relieved myself, my senses became adept. My hearing began homing in on the ambient nature wildlife.

Though this was a gloomy forest, it sounded more like a tropical rainforest. Tropical bird sounds filled the air. ‘Birds… at night?’ I thought to myself before shaking off the thought.

I finished up and put away my little buddy before turning and spotting Fluttershy cowering on the ground, in the fetal position. She was sucking on her hoof like a baby and I rubbed my eyes carelessly.

“Yeah I could take a nap too…” I began, but she hissed at me.

“Sssh! Quiet!” she hissed and I raised an eyebrow. I had never heard her use that tone yet, and it was kind of nice to see that she could be a little bit more assertive with things if she wanted to.

“Why? What’s wrong?” I asked, and again she hissed at me.

“I said, SSSH! Or they’ll hear you!” she hissed and I was rather impressed by her tone.

“Hear me. Who will hear me?” I asked casually. She didn’t answer but, for whatever reason, the hairs on the back of my neck prickled up. Everything seemed to get louder, my heart began to pump faster and my vision sharpened.

Something wasn’t right. I quickly racked the bolt on the SKS, chambering a round. I heard a twig snap behind me and I spun, peering into the dense darkness. Fluttershy whined in fear.

I held a hand out, signalling her to be quiet. “Sssh… sssh.” I whispered to her. Funny, now it was I who was telling her to be quiet. My hearing could barely pick up anything other than bird sounds and…

SNAP!

My rifle was up and locked towards the direction of my unseen target. “The Willow Walkers…” Fluttershy cried. ‘The fuck are…’ My thoughts trailed off as a creepy, bipedal tree crept into view. It would stand at about five feet high, just by first glance. It had two long dangly arms, two long spindly legs, but no head. There was just a flat plate of what looked to be soft, silky white moss.

Weird pollen floated about and gleamed in the night, illuminating the small area around us in a glow of light blue. Fluttershy continued to whimper, but I didn’t see what was so frightening. This was actually kind of nice.

It’s arms extended as it continued walking towards me, now having the appearance of a zombie. The long jagged arms began to stretch out into vines. “Join us…” a deathly voice whispered an echo through the forest.

“Whoa! Zombie…” I stated as I brought up the rifle. ‘WAIT! IT HAS NO HEAD! HOW DO I KILL IT!?’ I thought to myself. “FUCK YOU!” I yelled then turned the creature into swiss cheese with armour piercing rounds. The muzzle flare lit up the night and my rifle chattered, drowning out the death whispers. As each round projected out the muzzle of the gun, the muzzle flash illuminated my face. I gritted my teeth as I continued to pop off rounds at the... tree zombie.

The creature twisted and turned as 123g full metal jacket rounds tore through it. The receiver finally locked back as I fired the tenth round. I lowered the smoking muzzle of the rifle to observe the destruction I had done. The muzzle flashes had temporarily burned blurs into my vision, making it difficult to see properly.

The creature stood dormant for another moment before starting to walk towards me. “Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuck… FUCK!” I yelled as I slammed another ten rounds into the gun. I lined up a shot but time seemed to slow. ‘Yah gotta shoot em in the head,’ my conscience told me.

“They don’t have a fuckin head!” I yelled back. ‘Yah gotta shoot em in the head,’ my mind thought again. I was about to repeat my argument, before I thought to myself. Everything seemed to click together like a nearly finished puzzle. I muttered to myself, “Shoot ‘em in the head.”

My shot lined up perfectly, almost by instinct. The rifle stock rocked against my shoulder as I pulled the trigger back. The muzzle flare lept out of the barrel like the long pointy finger of death that it was. A single full metal jacket round tore through the plate head of the creature.

It dropped like a sack of bricks but, as it hit the ground, it’s body erupted into millions of the weird pollen-light-thingies. “Damn… that was melodramatic,” I muttered before turning back to Fluttershy with a smile of victory. The pollen lights fluttered about and floated along in the air before landing several yards away from us.

Fluttershy was still huddled on the ground. I offered her a hand as I smiled to myself. Before I could grab her hoof to help her up, I got the feeling that something wasn't right. I looked up and my smile instantly died. The pollen lights had disappeared, and now hundreds of the zombie things walked towards us. “Oh shit,” I stated rather bluntly, and again, in a Schwarzenegger tone. I quickly ran forwards, scooped up Fluttershy, hefted her onto my shoulder, and made a beeline for the dense forest. I blew through a weak link in their group and charged the forest head on.

Trees seemed to blur past me as I raced along at a rather fast pace. Underbrush was kicked up with dirt as my boots treaded through the undergrowth.

I shredded through a thick patch of brush and into a small clearing. In the middle was a white bunny who was tapping his foot impatiently. He began to chatter at me like I did something awful.

“Uhm… sorry that I killed your minions,” I apologized, figuring he was probably some sort of necrosis alchemist or something. It slapped itself in the head and let out a louder chatter of irritation.

Fluttershy gasped, lept off my shoulder, and zoomed over to the bunny. “Ohh Angel, I was sooo worried about you…” she was cut off as the bunny slapped her across the face in an aggravated fashion.

“Hey! Don’t hit Fluttershy you little runt!” I yelled out as I paced over. The bunny rolled its eyes like I wasn’t scary. I stepped over, looming over him like a mountain, then snatched him off the ground.

“You ever hit Fluttershy like that again and I swear to god I’ll-” I began my threat, but Fluttershy cut me off.

“Oh please don’t hurt him. He’s right, it was all my fault,” she pleaded his innocence.

“It is not your fault! He’s the little shit that ran away. He can’t damn well slap you around like you’re his personal slave!” I boomed then shook the bunny. “YAH GOT THAT!” I told him sternly. He nodded as his eyes went wide.

“Oh… maybe you’re being too assertive,” Fluttershy chimed. Suddenly the bunny covered his eyes and urinated in fear.

It leaked all over my western vest. I began turning to Fluttershy to hand her the stupid rabbit. “Oh for the love of…” I began but never finished. At the last moment, time seemed to slow. I spotted something big coming at me, though I knew for certain I had no time to react.

‘Oh shit,’ was all I could think at the exact same moment that something big collided with me. My grasp on the bunny was released as my body crashed along the ground. The creature came over and began to thrash at my body with sharp claws that sliced through my clothes and skin like a knife to butter.

With a last ditch jolt of strength, I booted it in the gut, sending it toppling back. A painful surge of stinging pain bolted across my entire body. I felt warm blood oozing from my wounds.

I lifted the collar of my shirt. The cuts looked nasty but not deep. Luckily blood wasn’t spurting so I don’t think I had any severed arteries as of yet. I tried to get up, but only managed getting to a crouch.

I looked to see one of those scorpion lion things quarreling around me. I let out several pants before unslinging my SKS. “Aright doll… let’s play rough,” I muttered before leveling the rifle with one hand.

I pulled the stock tight to my arm as I rested my left hand on the ground, steading my body. The creature charged and I ripped off every single shot in the magazine as fast as I could manage.

Shots sprayed wildly through the air, some slamming into the beast, some just clipping it, and others flying wildly off target. Smoking cartridges flew out of the rifle as it chugged through ammunition like a pig.

One of the shots clipped the creature's left knee and it careened out of control. Its body sideswiped me and sent me tumbling again. Both of us staggered up, and this time I managed to stand to my feet.

I painfully drew out a stripper clip and fed ten rounds to the rifle. “Okay… round two?” I asked. I had a split lower lip that leaked blood into my mouth. I spit out a glob of saliva and blood, then readied my rifle.

The beast snarled and pawed the dirt beneath it, ready to charge. I racked the slide and it clacked shut. I reached forwards and flipped out the bayonet. Suddenly Fluttershy leapt in front of the beast. “JUST YOU WAIT ONE MINUTE MISTER!” she yelled at it in a stern voice.

The creature took a step back. “DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST HURT MY FRIEND LIKE THAT? WELL DO YOU?!” she yelled. Wow, now this was impressive. I had never seen her like this.

The lion lowered its shoulders. “GAH! Fluttershy, look out!” I yelled, but she paid me no mind.

“NOW I WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE TO MY FRIEND AND…” she was cut off as the creature swung its left paw back. Time seemed to slow and its claws gleamed in the moonlight.

“FLUTTERSHY!” I roared, but I was way too late. It swatted her away like a bug. A trail of blood flew through the air, almost as if it followed her. I let out a roar as my vision seemed to shake in rage.

Everything looked like it had turned a dark red haze. The haze slightly illuminated the world for my eyes. I charged forwards, firing my rifle from the hip. Bullets whizzed through the air and collided with the monster, spurting blood out of both entry and exit wounds.

Before I could reach the lion, my rifle ran dry. I charged violently, the rifle swinging to and fro in my grip as I charged. The beast staggered as it tried to compose itself.

My vision narrowed and every part of my sight lined up with its skull. My knees bent then sprang, propelling my feet off the ground. I swung my rifle back, the bayonet gleamed in the moonlight, then slammed it forwards.

The tip of the bayonet slashed into the skull of the monster, killing it instantly. Our bodies crashed to the ground, and the momentum force sent me tumbling across the ground with pained grunts.

An instant headache pierced through my brain and I groaned. “This… feels like a Monday,” I muttered. I lay there for a moment before I heard the soft whimpering that came from my shy pegasus friend.

I groaned as I stood up and retrieved my rifle that lay beside me. Dirt was jammed in the open receiver, but I could care less. “Flutter…” I mumbled as I staggered across the forest floor.

“Fluttershy…” I continued to mumble, then collapsed by her side, falling to my knees. Blood leaked out of her wounds at an alarming rate. “Oh shit,” I muttered in an alarmed voice, then my recent dream struck my mind in a blinding blur. I cringed from the searing pain that raged through my brain.

“Hold on Shy… I’m not gonna let you die here… I’m not gonna let you die,” I whispered then quickly took off my duster coat. “Sorry Rarity… desperate times call for…” I trailed off, not needing to say the rest.

My bowie knife was unsheathed and I quickly sliced apart the duster coat into sizable lengths. Luckily she still had that medical pack, which turned out to be tucked behind her left wing, which at the moment was soaked with blood.

I used the cut up duster coat as improvised bandages and applied medical tape over it. She didn’t have nearly enough medical wrap to cover this, but my extra coat slices finished the job. Time was running pretty slim.

I did quick mental math. Five or six minutes to get to my truck, race to hospital in less than five minutes, we might have a shot at this. 'Oh please god...' I thought as my breathing became nervous and shaky.

I heaved her into my arms and stuffed the bunny into my pocket. As I ran through the forest, I made quick thoughts about where her house was. I knew the general direction of Ponyville, but I couldn’t actually miss her house or this would be over before it started.

My rifle clacked around against my sore back as I raced along. The trees started to blur in my vision as I raced past them. I wondered how much blood I had lost. Would I die of blood loss before I even got us to the hospital?

I quickly subdued the thought, knowing it would probably hinder my calculations.

I burst through a dense thicket of brush and came out just twenty yards past Fluttershy’s tree house thing. I quickly spotted my truck and raced over. Opening the door, I spotted my new puppy, now huddled underneath the center console.

I rolled the passenger seat forwards and laid Fluttershy across the back seat. Her blood seeped into my seat. I silently grimaced, knowing fully well how hard blood was to get out of furniture.

Without even hesitating, I slammed the door and rushed to the other side of the truck and leapt into the driver side. I activated the ignition lock then flicked on the key and waited for the glow plug light to switch off. Though only a two second wait time, it felt like it was taking forever.

“COME ON CADENCE!” I roared. Fluttershy murmured something in her unconscious state. The glow plug light flicked off and I started the truck.

Cadence rumbled, but didn’t even have a chance to idle. I slipped my truck into reverse and pulled out of Fluttershy’s laneway trail. Angel squeezed out of my pocket just as I whipped the truck around in a rather long 180 motion.

I pulled down on the transmission stick and slipped it into drive then slammed the pedal to the floor. “COME ON CADENCE!” I roared at the top of my vocal limit.

The tachometer nearly red lined as it hit 3500 rpm. The turbocharger immediately whined and the truck switched gears. There was a loud blowout as the turbocharger settled.

The tachometer stayed revved at 2500 rmp as it slipped into second gear. The speedometer read 30… 40… 50… The tachometer reached 3500 again and the turbo hissed as it let out a blowout and the truck fell to third gear, then immediately to fourth.

It seemed like it was bogging at just over 1000 rpm, but slowly built its way back up. I shredded through the dirt trails towards Ponyville. The truck started to hit a steady 130km/h… then 140... and then finally 150.

I realized how foolish this was. One steep bump and my truck would flip. I kept to the outskirts of town and took the risk. “All or nothing…” I told myself. Blood dripped down my forehead and stung my vision, but I kept my eyes open.

My eyes burned for the need to clench shut, but I kept them open. “All… or… NOTHING!” I roared through several grunts of pain. I spotted the hospital and feathered the brake. Too hard and I probably would’ve ended up careening out of control.

The truck began to slow, but I ended up slamming into a parked carriage at at least 50km/h. The carriage crumpled under the force of my hard bumper. I quickly slipped into reverse and drove a few feet back from the carriage.

The entire driver side was caved in and the wheels were cocked on an angle now. Luckily nopony was inside the vehicle. I quickly killed the engine of my truck and retrieved Fluttershy before rushing into the hospital.

I booted open the front doors and everypony inside looked to me. “Get this pony to an ER… NOW!” I yelled.

Redheart paced over to me and gasped then whistled to two other ponies who immediately rushed over with a stretcher. “Get this pony to trauma!” she ordered. I placed Fluttershy on the stretcher and they rushed off with her.

My knees almost immediately gave out from under me and I collapsed back first onto a table that shattered under my weight. “Oh my goddess, EVAN!” Redheart screamed as she knelt down beside me.

“Hey, chill, chill. I’m fine,” I told her with a casual and relaxed tone. “Just a little tired,” I told her. She rested a hoof over my bleeding chest.

“Oh my Celestia… this is bad. Evan, we need to get you to trauma as well,” she whispered as she examined my wounds. I chuckled from the comment.

With a humored tone, I laughed, “If you think I look bad, you should’ve seen the other guy.”