Saturday, March 23rd 2014…

The friggin doctors once again insisted I stay for an extra day. They said it was to make sure I recovered properly, but I knew they were just experimenting on me, or at least trying to.

It was early in the morning, that I knew, though what time exactly was beyond me. I had the same room as before, only now it was occupied by Fluttershy, Angel, Lassie, and myself, well, and my rifle: Applebloom.

Lassie and Angel lay curled up on a doggy bed that Applejack had graciously brought in, though Angel had pushed Lassie off for the most part. I’d have to teach that dog to be more defensive.

I looked over to my rifle, now clean and void of dirt and muck. The stock was still battered to hell and I was going to have to do something about that. I examined the rifle further and noticed the hole in the bottom of the magazine from where I had removed the magazine plug rivet. Sunlight gleamed off the black barrel and made me smile. Just having a rifle with me made me feel safe.

A soft snicker exited my lips as I remembered last night. I nearly broke another doctor’s arm when they tried to administer me a needle, then, once again, Redheart offered me the tetanus potion. And although I knew its side effects, I accepted, albeit grudgingly.

I took a peek under my medical bandages to see that I was void of both cuts and scarring. ‘Potions really do wonders…’ I looked to my boner that was making a tent out of my bed sheets. ‘And other things…’ I thought begrudgingly.

“Fuck you,” I whispered, knowing full well how much of a problem he was going to give me today.

I looked over to Fluttershy. For whatever reason, she hadn’t been administered as much healing potion as I had. She was still in bandages and was looking a little rough, though it was certain she’d make it through this.

My cock throbbed and I rolled my eyes. Things were about to heat up and I needed to get out of here. I didn’t have my regular attire since Rarity had stopped by yesterday and offered to fix up my clothes. It was kind of funny, though she was happy that I had saved Fluttershy’s life, she was rather sad that I had destroyed the clothes in the process.

I stood up, grabbed my rifle and Lassie, then made my way for the door. I let my boner make a tent out of my hospital gown and just sighed regretfully.

Redheart was already waiting at the door with my waiver papers. “Forgot to get me to sign them again?” I asked and she just rolled her eyes and prompted me to sign them. I signed my signature in what looked like chicken scratch then handed the waiver back to her. “I really gotta go, you understand. See yah later Redheart,” I told her and she nodded. My luck, I’d probably be back here before Tuesday.

I looked to my truck. The grill bar lights were smashed, but other than that, Cadence looked to be okay. I moved to the back of my truck and placed Applebloom in her respective case then hopped into my truck and started it, though it sounded as if the exhaust was buggered. “Great…” I muttered sarcastically. I wondered briefly if perhaps the pony who owned the carriage had smashed my truck up. I quickly remembered some stallion coming into the hospital and complaining about how 'Some dick smashed my carriage with a bat'.

I shrugged then drove towards the library. The truck puttered pretty heavily as the muffler refused to do its duty. I parked the truck in my car shelter, the front end facing the back of the shelter rather than the road.

I got out and rushed into the library. Without saying hello, I rushed into the library, brought Lassie downstairs, and gave her a dish of food. The dog food and bowl were courtesy of Applejack. I gave her a nod then rushed back outside without seeing anyone. ‘Maybe Spike and Twilight are still asleep,’ I thought to myself.

Moving at a now speedy pace, I skidded around the front of my truck and rushed into the driver seat. As quickly as I could manage, I leaned the seat back and grabbed the magazine off the floor, the one that Cheerilee had given me.

The title read ‘Playcolt’ and there were a bunch of little captions stating things about what this issue had. I paid little mind to the captions and took a long enticed look at the mare on the cover. She was in a very suggestive stance, though she had her tail conveniently placed between her legs, obstructing one’s view of her nethers.

I didn’t really care about self-disgust, I didn’t want to go through what I had to last time. In my opinion, looking at a porn mag while choking the chicken would be a decent way to beat the heat, or urges, or whatever this was.

I quickly flipped it open to the first page, only to be disappointed from the sight of an index. I had never read a Playboy magazine back home, so I had no idea what they were like. Whenever I wanted pornography, the television would suffice.

I flipped to the second page, but it was a continuation of the index. “Shit…” I whispered, then flipped to the third page. There was an article but it didn’t look enticing. It had some mare in front of an adult nightclub. The title of the article read something about ‘First adult night club in town of Oxton.’

I quickly flipped through until I found a very breathtaking picture of a light blue mare with a pure white mane. She was lying on a bed with a look of lust on her face, her gaze directed to the viewer, which just so happened to be me.

I fumbled out my stiff shaft and began jerking off. My pleasure didn’t last long and there was a powerful build up in my groin. “Oh shit… I gotta find somewhere to…” My nostrils quickly picked up the scent of blood.

I looked to the back seat to see it stained with blood. “Oh yeah… that’s right,” I mused to myself. I’d have to find somepony to clean that or something. I shrugged off my thoughts and focused on the more pressing issue.

I shrugged and figured I’d just blow my load onto the hospital gown, then throw it away later on. The doctors probably wouldn’t mind, and after I was done, they probably wouldn’t want it back either.

My jerking sped up and the pressure that had been quickly built up felt as if it erupted out the tip of my cock. Every spurt of spooge felt like a tidal wave of pleasure washing over me.

The side effects of the tetanus potion really amped up the pleasure in beating off. My jizz seeped down my hand in sticky globs. “Ech…” I muttered in a disgusted voice as I wiped myself off with the hospital gown. I leaned back with a sigh and a slight feeling of drowsiness came over me.

After at least half an hour, another urge in my groin demanded my immediate attention. I flipped to the next page of the magazine and was greeted with another breathtaking mare in another pose, though this time she was on an office desk. I didn’t read what her name was since it was probably something like ‘Blueberry’ or ‘Nightfury.’

Her fur was jet black and her mane and tail were purple. I looked to her bountiful breasts as I started jerking off, then I noticed the start of a small story. I looked at the underlined title and it read ‘Just another day in the office.’ A hint of curiosity enticed me and I began reading it aloud to myself, all the while still jerking off.

‘Just another day at work. Come on Raindrop! You can do this’ That’s what I kept trying to tell myself the whole morning while I got ready for work. I knew I had to wear something to conceal myself. I was in a mad heat and my scent was undeniable. I wouldn’t want any of the pigs in the office getting any ideas about me.

I chose a jet black leather coat with black jeans that all matched my fur. Unfortunately the jeans were a little too tight and hugged my curves. I muttered a quiet curse before rushing out the door and heading for the office.

The cold breeze outside helped keep my mind off of it, though as soon as I got into the office and sat at my desk, it was back. I groaned to myself pitifully as I knew the day would just seem to drag on forever.

I felt my nethers cringe in need of attention. All morning I had spent pleasuring myself, but I couldn’t darn well do that here. I quickly went about filing a bunch of office reports.

Suddenly a voice caught me off guard. “Hey Drop. What’s up sexy?” The rather unattractive stallion beside me asked. He leaned against the wall next to my desk with a casual look.

“The roof,” I replied, not really paying him much attention. He tried starting up a flirtatious conversation, and despite my constant urges, I quickly turned him down. His name was Harry and he thought highly of himself, but really, he was just a zitty teenager who had scored the job just because his dad was the boss.

“So Drop, I was thinking… My parents are going out of town. You, me, tonight, my place, drinks, maybe a movie, then hit my bed later on.” It should be a question, but he made it sound like he was telling me what to do.

“You wish bozo,” I replied then signed a script of papers. I went for another set of files, but he set a hoof on them. I looked to him with an irritated look. “What?!” I hissed and he smiled with grotesque yellow teeth. His breath smelt horrid and nearly made me puke.

“You know…” he trailed off and I replied with a roll of my eyes as I tried to grab the file. He pushed his hoof down harder, making it impossible for me to pull it out from under his hoof.

“Harry, I’m serious,” I scowled and he smiled.

“I know, so am I,” he stated. An angered frown came across my face. He licked his lips and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “I can smell your cunt. You need what I got,” he whispered.

I stood up in a fit of rage and bucked him against the wall. “You filthy pig! Get the buck away from me!” I yelled.

“Miss Raindrop! My office, now!” ordered a stone cold voice. My stomach cringed and my heart sank. Mr. Ritherferd, Harry’s father, had just called me into his office after witnessing me kick his son.

I walked along towards his office, my head drooped low as several ponies watched me. I skulked into the room, not even making eye contact. “Close the door behind you and lock it,” he ordered in a stern voice.

I did as he asked and quickly took a seat across from him. “Mr. Rithe…” I began, but he cut me off.

“I apologize for my son’s irresponsible behaviour. I’ll speak to him later,” he apologized. He… apologized… to me? I was lost in thought before he snapped me back to reality.

“But regardless of a colleague’s behaviour, you cannot assault them. Do I make myself absolutely clear?” he asked. I nodded feverishly and he nodded in return. I risked a glance at him to see a stern look on his face.

I gulped and let a nervous chuckle exit my lips. “Sorry Mr. Ritherferd,” I apologized sheepishly with a slight blush.

He nodded but twitched his nose slightly. He then brought his hooves up, resting his elbows on the desk and tapping his hooves together in thought. “Indeed…” he muttered.

“Sir?” I asked. He didn’t say anything and, as I waited, I began admiring him. He was nothing like Harry. He was smart, kind, forgiving… cute. I felt my lower region start to quiver as I started to become rather wet.

It seeped through my jeans, surely staining the nice cushion chair beneath me. My heart once again sank. I was in trouble. “Ms. Drop… it is Miss, isn’t it?” he asked in a different tone.

I was completely taken off guard and I nodded. “Take no offence by this but…” he trailed off and I nodded, waiting for him to ask whatever was on his mind. “What would you say if I said that I’d like you to bend over on my desk and let me rut you?” he asked rather bluntly but seriously. 'Wasn't he married!?' I thought to myself.

I gasped but his facial expression didn’t change. My urges yearned for me to rut and I willingly obliged. I stood up and my fragrance soon filled the room. “Do try to keep quiet though. Others are still working,” he told me as I bent over his desk, wiggling my hind for him.

I had no idea what had gotten into us, but I didn’t care. “Rut me you wild animal,” I teased and he nodded.

“Indeed I shall,” he replied as he too got onto the desk. He pulled his already throbbing cock out from his pants. He quickly made work of my jeans and slid them off, then groped my flanks.

His hooves worked wonders to my rear as he teased my puffy pink slit, sending jolts of pleasure through my body. He took his hoof away and my inner walls clenched, demanding attention. I looked over my shoulder to see him spit onto his hoof. He gave his erection a few gentle strokes before he lined himself up with my rear.

“Just don’t cum inside. I’m in heat and wouldn’t want to get pregnant,” I told him. He smiled lustfully and chuckled.

“Don’t worry about it. You won’t get pregnant from where I’m putting it,” he responded. I was about to voice a reply but was cut off by a wave of pleasure and pain that was mixed together. He had just…

I felt his presence inside my anal cavity as he began to thrust. At first it was uncomfortable, but within moments I started to feel a pleasure wither through my body. It wasn’t the first time I had done anal, though this time it was different because he seemed to know how to handle me.

“Oh yes… you dirty dog,” I moaned as he started thrusting at a steady pace. I matched his pace with my own, feeling him delve deep inside of me with each thrust.

I had been beating off for the entirety of the story, out of pure necessary urge, despite things not really being all that kinky up until this point. ‘I wonder what would happen if somepony was to take too much of that tetanus potion stuff?’ I wondered to myself.

My left hoof reached down to my pink slit and I began rubbing myself attentively. My juices dampened my fur, both around my nethers and on my hoof. His hooves wrapped around my ribs as he leaned over and began to pound my ass even harder, each thrust sending a jolt of pleasure throughout my insides.

I moaned softly as he exhaled through his nose. His hot breath sent shivers down my spine, the shiver ending at my tailbone and adding to my internal pleasure.

My hoof found my little fun button and gave it a gentle flick. A sensational shock of warmth was sent through me and caused my anal walls to clench around his cock that was buried deep inside of me. I felt myself building up for my climax. “Oh yeah… give it to me baby… give it to me!” I squealed in delight.

“Sssh… keep it down,” he whispered into my ear. I nodded and lowered my voice. His rhythm started to become less oriented. I knew he was ready, I could just feel it. I began slamming myself harder against his hips.

The sound of his balls slapping against my now dampened ass cheeks filled the room. Our two paces lost track of each other and it became a scene of primal love making. His grunts nearly matched the sound of our wet, sloppy sex.

I felt his hooves dig into my sides with a tightening grip as he grunted. His breath was hot and sent more shivers down my spine. He let out a more powerful grunt as his head rested against the back of my neck.

He started taking himself to the hilt, delving deeper into my ass with each thrust, all the while grunting heavily. “Ss-ssh!” I giggled. “Or they’ll hear you.” He didn’t reply. A pressure started building up inside of me and…

I felt the pressure build up in my cock and I didn’t try to hold back. I blew a second load though this time there was considerably less cum. Two lone spurts launched out. The first splattered against the picture of Raindrop. The second smeared across the story.

Though my primal urges were gone, I kinda wanted to know how the story ended. I wiped away the smear of cum then used the hospital gown to dry my hand of before I continued to read the story.

And I let out a long pleasured moan. I slammed my ass hard against his cock, driving him deeper than ever before. I felt a warm liquid seep from my twitching cunt and ooze onto my hoof.

My anal walls began to clamp around his shaft. He grunted with an ‘Ugh!’ My vaginal walls clamped around nothing and felt deprived while my anus relished in the feel of my ongoing orgasm. I gave a few gentle thrusts which drove me deeper into my orgasm, and drove him to a new height of pleasure.

He gently bit into the back of my neck and gave more powerful thrusts. His grip around my ribs started to feel a bit uncomfortable as he started to reach his peak.

I relished the moment, rubbing my juices all over my belly. Mr. Ritherferd stopped suddenly and pulled his shaft out from my ass. A feeling of emptiness filled my gaping hole, making me moan in need.
He gasped as he began jerking himself off. I quickly spun around and lunged forwards, plunging his cock into my mouth. “UGH!” Was all he managed as I deep throated his entire length. It only took a moment before I felt his cock swell up inside my throat, restricting air from entering my lungs. I felt his warm seed burst from his tip like a volcano, and seep down my throat ever so slowly.

The cock shoved further down my throat, along with the spooge, threatening to trigger my gag reflex. I started to bob my head back and forth, massaging his length with my mouth.

After a few moments, his cock stopped throbbing and he pulled himself out. A trail of cum connected my mouth and the tip of his now shrinking rod. I licked my lips and smiled. After all, ‘This was just another day in the…

I was about to read the final punch line but a knock on my window made me jump. “GAH!” I yelled out and looked over, only to see a set of crisscrossed eyes looking at me.

Derpy had a genuine smile on her face as she waved to me. I tossed the magazine aside and sighed as I leaned the seat forwards then stepped out of the vehicle. I didn’t bother concealing my erection since she had obviously seen it while I was jerking off… or maybe she hadn’t.

“How long were you watching Derpy?” I asked.

“Since the part about her saying, ‘Just another day at work.’ I think it was the beginning,” she stated innocently. “It was a weird story, but it was kind of nice. Did they live happily ever after in the end?” she asked and I shrugged.

“It didn’t say,” I replied. She frowned with a slight sign of displeasure.

“Well that’s not fair. What happened after?” she asked and I shrugged, again it didn’t say. “Well that’s not fair either. How are we supposed to know what happened to them after?” Derpy asked and I shrugged again.

“I guess we just imagine what happens,” I replied and she crossed her hooves in a childish manner. “Well… so uhm?” I asked and she looked to me curiously. “What’s up?” I asked and she looked up.

“The roof,” she replied and I rolled my eyes.

“I mean, how are you?” I asked and she gave a ‘so-so’ motion with her right hoof. “That’s good. So… if you don’t mind me asking, what brought you around?” I asked, kind of wondering why she had watched me jerk off without telling me.

“Oh yeah! That’s right. You got some mail,” she stated as she pulled out a large yellow envelope that was tucked under her wing. “I meant to give it to you earlier, but I didn’t know you were in the hospital. Then I went to give it to you at the hospital, but you weren’t there either. So I came back here and found you reading a book, except nopony was listening to you read so I decided to hear you read,” she stated.

“Why not just leave the mail with Twilight?” I asked. She brought her hoof up as to make a statement then blushed and set her hoof back down.

“Because…” she trailed her hoof around on the ground sheepishly. I waited for a moment before getting my reply. “Because I like talking to you. You’re one of the only ponies who talk to me when I deliver mail. Heck, you’re one of the only ponies that actually talk to me,” she replied rather sadly.

My heart lurched for the saddened mare and I knelt down before bringing her into a snug, gentle hug. “Of course I talk to you Derpy. You’re awesome,” I told her. She leaned back from the hug, her eyes gleaming with happy tears.

“You mean that?” she asked in her dopey voice.

“Well duh. Why else would I talk to you? You’re one of the coolest ponies I know. And besides, I can usually relate to you,” I replied and she tilted her head to one side with a wondering look. “When you’re around, it makes me feel better about being dopey. Especially with Twilight. She’s a friggin super genius or something and it always makes me feel really dumb,” I replied.

Her face quickly returned to that of a saddened one. “You… you think I’m dumb?” she whimpered and I quickly shook my head.

“Nononononono! Not at all,” I sputtered out, gaining her attention. “I’m just saying that…” I trailed off as I thought about how to approach this. She took my pause as if I was trying to think up a lie.

“You do think I’m stupid. You’re just trying to think up a lie!” she sobbed. I brought my hands over my face, only to scrunch my nose as I realized they smelt like my dick.

“No Derpy, that’s not what I meant. What I was trying to say is that I always seem to get in odd predicaments that Twilight scolds me about. And that makes me feel stupid, but I have nopony to talk to about it. But with you I feel like I have somepony who knows how I feel, so I know I’m not the only one out there who feels like they’re stupid but I know that I'm just different…” I trailed off, not really understanding what I had just said. I tried to say what was in my head, it just didn’t come out the same.

She blinked and hugged me tightly. “You really mean that?” she asked and I nodded. “So we’ll be friends for as long as we live?” she asked and again I nodded. “Tail twist swear?” she asked and I gulped.

“Ugh… maybe not now Derpy,” I stated hesitantly. She gave a pouty frown.

“Why not?” she pouted and I scratched the back of my head in embarrassment.

“I uhh… kind of… uhm…” I stammered, not knowing how to approach this.

“You can tell me. Were the best of friends remember?” she told me and I blushed heavily as I slowly and nervously brushed aside part of the hospital gown. My throbbing shaft was only in view for a single moment before I tucked it away.

“There are… slight side effects to tetanus potions… including, but not limited to… raging boners and uncontrollable urges,” I told her. A slight blush reddened her face as she looked away.

“Oh… well that’s okay, we’re only bumping flanks,” she stated as she stood up, pulling me up with her. She spun me around then gave my rump a bump with her own, though rather than just a bump, she rubbed her’s against mine a little more attentively. For a brief moment I felt her bare flank rub against my balls, sending a twitch of pleasure through my body and making my right leg stiffen. “Tail Twist Swear,” she said enthusiastically.

“Yeah… Tail Twist Swear,” I stated, albeit, less enthusiastically. I turned and she hugged me tightly. My boner was pressed up between our bodies, giving me a mentally uncomfortable yet physically pleasured feeling.

“See yah later Evan. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anypony about your… thing,” she said as she made the motion to zip her lips shut and throw away the key. I smiled slightly and gave her a wave as she flew off.

The contact with her had driven my urges through the roof again. Regretfully, I had an urge to fantasize about my grey pegasus friend. “Oh please… not Derpy. She’s too innocent,” I muttered to myself. I hopped back into my truck and began jerking off my already stiff shaft as I began to fantasize about my grey pegasus friend. “You sick fuck! She’s your friend… I shouldn’t lust for her…” but before I could finish scolding myself, I was lost into my fantasy.

I cradled the grey mare beneath me. Though her eyes were criss-crossed, they had a look of stunning beauty in them. I gently cradled both our bodies to the soft sheets of a bed.

My breathing was steady and controlled, while hers was a little nervous. “Don’t worry Derpy. I won’t hurt you,” I told her. She nodded and her hindlegs slowly slid apart, revealing her nethers to me.

My hospital gown draped over both our bodies as I steadied my cock by her entrance. I slowly placed my tip to her lips and we both let out a unison gasp from the pleasure that coursed through our bodies.

“Derpy…” I trailed off. I lowered my face to hers and we connected our lips. Her tongue delved into my mouth, and mine into hers, and we began a battle of the tongues. As we duked it out with our tongues, I slowed myself into her love tunnel.

She pulled back from the kiss with a deep gasp of pleasure. I crept myself into her crevice inch by inch until my entire length was inside of her. We relished in the feeling of our bond before I began to creep out of her, all the while enjoying the desirable feeling to just slam my length back inside of her and make us whole again.

As I pulled my length out of her, I looked down to her slit, only to see it twitching with the need to be filled again. “Evan,” Derpy began in her dopey, yet lustful, voice. “Can you put it in me again? That felt really good,” she asked. I willingly obliged and slowly plunged myself back inside of her.

Her inner walls enveloped my cock and massaged it gently with inner muscles. Slowly clasping and unclasping, her cunt felt like it was trying to milk me. I pulled back, though not completely out of her, then slide back in.

Derpy let out a sigh as she smiled in pleasure then pulled my face to hers. She didn’t kiss me at first, instead she slid her tongue up along the side of my neck, sending shivers down my back and aiding in the build up of that was growing inside of me.

Her tongue slithered up my neck, around my throat, up my chin, then, ever so slowly, she pushed her tongue through my lips. Her tongue immediately darted to the back of my throat as she explored my depths.

I continued my gentle thrusts into her now soaking hole that continued to massage my cock. A hum of pleasure left her mouth but was trapped in our connected mouths. I gave a more masculine moan back and she giggled then pulled back from the kiss.

“That was funny,” she giggled and I raised an eyebrow. “You made a funny sound,” she giggled again and I rolled my eyes from her playful nature.

Her hindlegs suddenly wrapped tightly around my waist and she pulled me in tight as she began to slam her hips against mine. “Oooh… I feel something inside of me,” she whispered to me.

I continued to pound my hips against hers and she began squealing in delight. “Oooh… oooh this feels good… oh my gosh… OH!” she moaned.

“Uhm… Derpy… have you ever done this before?” I asked and she nodded.

“Yeah but it hurt…and I bled a bit… and it didn’t feel this good,” she replied then began an even faster pace. My hands shifted to her small, soft, perky nipples. I gave them gentle squeezes and she began to squeal even more.

Her body stiffened up and began jerking as her hindlegs spasmed, trying desperately to stay clasped around my waist. I felt her inner walls clasp tightly around my shaft and the muscles inside of her also twitched wildly.

A fluid squeezed past my cock and lathered my groin. The slapping sound of my shaft slamming her cunt echoed in the room as I started to reach my maximum. My right leg started to twitch and spasm as Derpy wrapped her forelegs around my back and pulled my into a tight hug.

Our lips connected and moans were exchanged as I joined in her orgasm. My fluids spat out and mixed with hers as I laced her insides with my hot cum. I gave a few last jerky thrusts before stopping and keeping myself just inches inside her body.

We pulled away from the kiss, both of us panting heavily. Our gazes connected and we both smiled in dopey ways.

The pressure build up in my groin reached its peak and I felt myself start to twitch. Again, a considerably less amount of cum shot out, though it was still enough to make another stain mark in the hospital gown as I wiped off my hand.

I shook my head with self-disappointment. She was one of my best friends… and she was so innocent. My gaze soon shifted to outside my truck. Derpy paced along happily through the streets of Ponyville without a care in the world.

‘I bet if I asked… she’d fuck me right now,’ my dirty conscious thought. “You… can go to fuckin hell, cause it ain’t happenin’,” I hissed. As if by second nature, my left hand started to make its way for the door lever.

My right hand clenched and I slammed a powerful punch across my head that sent my equilibrium completely off balance. My head rocked to the left as my vision was dazed. I hadn’t let myself tense up to be ready for a hit, and now I was suffering the consequences, though they were probably better than letting my more primal side run rampant.

“That’s what you get you sick fuck,” I hissed at myself. I considered hitting myself again for fantasizing about Derpy in the way I had but, in the end, figured that to be a bit irrational.

I slowly sat back up and my wandering gaze turned to the mail that Derpy had brought me. “I wonder what this is about…” I muttered as I cut it open with my bowie knife.

Despite the large package, there was just a simple letter that read:

Dear Mr. Burdy,
It is the F&F Brothers. We have hit a small snag and request your immediate assistance. Please meet us by the fuel loading yard where we filled up your truck with diesel.

Yours truly,
Flim and Flam, though you already knew that.

I folded the note back up and sighed before hitting my head against the steering wheel, resulting in the horn going off.

I let the horn blare for a moment or two before pulling my head back and groaning. My truck was fuckered, I was horny and…

Someone tapped on the window, gaining my attention. I looked over to see Twilight standing on her hindlegs, looking into my truck. I twisted the key backwards in the ignition so I could use the electric windows.

Twilight’s nose twitched as she caught wind of the stank smell from the inside of my truck. “Ech… what smells?” she asked as she held a hoof over her nose.

I let out a depressed sigh and rubbed my forehead attentively. “I’ve been jerking off for at least an hour,” I replied. Her face nearly went pale.

“Oh… uhm… I’m sorry. Did I interrupt?” she asked and I shook my head.

“No actually. I was just leaving. I have to find a way to get my mind off these ridiculous urges,” I replied.

“You mean… the sexual ones?” she asked and I nodded with a roll of my eyes. ‘Well duh, what else?’ I thought. “Do you have any idea of what might take your mind off it?” she asked and I shrugged.

“Well Redheart told me that having actual sex would take away the urges for a while, while masturbating on the other hand is more temporary,” I told her.

“Sooo…” she trailed off, wondering what my plan was. “Are you gonna do it?” she asked and I raised an eyebrow. “You know… have sex?” she asked and I let out a stifled laugh.

“Ugh… no. I’m not exactly the type to whore myself out to random mares. Even if I was able to get past the whole ‘I’m having sex with a different species’ thing, I’d still feel bad about doing it with some random mare,” I informed her.

“So how about somepony you know?” she asked and I rubbed my eyes with my right hand as I sighed.

“Well, there’s you, Cheerilee, Derpy, and Applejack. Applejack is more like a boss, so she’s out. Derpy is way too innocent. And although I’ve masturbated with Cheerilee, we’re not actually sexually attracted to each other, at least I don’t think so. So that crosses her out and finishes up the list,” I replied.

“Well what about me?” she asked. There was a moment of very awkward silence. At first it was just me but she joined soon after as well.

“Uhm… You’re not serious… are you?” I asked in a somewhat hesitant voice. She blushed and let out a nervous laugh.

“No… ah-ha-ha…” she continued to laugh nervously. “I was just kidding,” she laughed, though her voice sounded as if she was still nervous about saying it.

“Yeah, cause that’d be awkward,” I shuddered. “I’d never be able to get the thought out of my head if I fucked my mom,” I shivered again.

“Well…” she stammered and trailed off. “I’m not really your mom. You know that,” she stated and I nodded.

“No! Really? Oh, well that makes everything okay,” I said in a very sarcastic voice. She nodded with a slightly hopeful smile. “I know you’re not really my mom, but you’re close enough. I’ve had cows that have kind of been like motherly figures to me, grooming my hair and what not. I would never have even once thought of getting down and dirty with them,” I informed her.

“Well yeah, I mean, it’s a cow. That’s not exactly ethical,” she replied with a small laugh.

“Exactly. Now you see where I stand,” I replied. She scratched her chin.

“Yeah but that was a cow. It’d be different with me,” she replied and I raised an eyebrow.

“Well not really. I mean, you can talk and Autumn couldn’t. Sure she was a cow and you’re a pony, but other than that it’s pretty much the same,” I stated.

“Yeah but… what I’m trying to say is it would be different for us because ponies are like the humans for this world,” she stated. Something kind of half clicked in my head.

“Wait a minute!” I gasped loudly and she gulped. “Are you saying…” I trailed off as my eyes went wide in shock. “Are you saying you… you want me to… with you!?” I gasped in utter shock. I wasn’t sure whether I was embarrassed from asking that or… well, I wasn’t sure what I was thinking.

“Well I… I mean… I kind of…” she stuttered nervously. She looked at my undauntingly blunt face. “No…I-I-I mean yes… I mean, I’m your mom so, yes it would be wrong… what I’m trying to say is… no!” she gasped.

I wiped off my forehead with a ‘phew’. “Oh man. For a second there I thought you wanted me to… well, you know,” I stammered. She blushed.

“No… no way… that’d be… totally wrong… right?” she stammered back.

“Oh man… I mean, female cows have humped me before at the farm back home, but they weren’t intelligent like ponies in Equestria. And I couldn’t imagine how weird it would be if my own mom wanted me,” I laughed shyly. She joined in the awkward laughing before things finally settled.

I lifted up the envelope. “Well… I gotta go meet Flim and Flam at the loading yard. See yah around,” I said to her. Just before I started my truck a thought crossed my mind. “What did you come out here for anyway?” I asked and she thought to herself before blushing.

“Oh… uhm… I… nothing! Nothing, I didn’t need anything!” she replied quickly. I nodded then shrugged.

“Oh… okay. Uhm, Twi?” I asked and she lifted her head, looking directly into my eyes with hers.

“Yes?” she asked in a hushed tone.

“I don’t suppose that…” I trailed off as her eyes gleamed, sparkling with a beautiful purple gleam. My mouth sat slightly gapped open. “Wow… you have beautiful eyes,” I stammered out in a breath taken voice.

It was like I was caught in some kind of trance. Our stare continued to meet and, naturally, our heads started moving towards one another. “Twi… I…” I wasn’t able to piece together words, I was just lost in some kind of… mesmerizing thingy.

As her face neared mine, her eyes slowly began to shut. Mine followed suit but I quickly grasped hold of my body and pulled back with a sharp gasp. I grasped the steering wheel of my truck with a death-like grip. She noticed my action and also pulled back with a similar gasp.

I lightly tapped my head, trying to get the cute and cuddly feelings out of my head. As it wouldn’t leave, I hit myself harder, making stars blur into my vision. “Sorry… I have no idea what just happened,” I told her.

“Me either,” she said, returning to her rather nervous voice. I rubbed my forehead before starting my truck. It sputtered to life rather roughly.

“Hey Twi? Don’t suppose you know somepony who might be able to fix Cadence?” I asked. She thought before shaking her head. “Damn. Well, I gotta meet the brothers,” I informed her then smirked. In my best Schwarzenegger voice, I looked over to her, “I’ll be back.” And then drove off.

Ponyville Library, third person:

Twilight’s head drooped in failure as she sighed sulkily. Princess Cadence stepped up beside her, rested a hoof on the younger mare’s shoulder, and joined in the depressed sigh. “Wow… I have never met something so… mentally dense. Never before in my life have I met something that can resist that spell. I nearly drained all my energy trying to seduce him for you,” Cadence said with a shocked tone.

“It’s because he truly doesn’t love me. I give up. It just wasn’t meant to be,” Twilight sulked as she flopped down to her haunches. “We just weren’t meant for each other. It wouldn’t have worked anyway,” Twilight continued to sulk to herself. Cadence smiled and sat down next to her young sister-in-law.

“Don’t worry Twilight. We’ll find a way. He’s just confused,” Cadence spoke her thoughts truly and fully. Twilight looked up to Cadence just as her eyes were welling up with tears. “Trust me, we’ll find a way to make him realize that he loves you, even if it takes time,” Twilight smiled slightly and the two embraced in a hug.

Loading yard, Evan’s perspective:

My truck sat idly by in the loading yard, or whatever this place was. I had rummaged through my duffle bag of clothes, which all smelt like engine fluids. I still had the hospital gown on, but I now also had a pair of blue jeans, that smelt like spooge due to a little urge I had a moment ago.
I looked out to the loading yard. There were container bins here and there, and lamp posts, but no crews. There were two cranes and a small factory… and a scrap metal crusher.

I didn’t have my truck running at the moment, but the battery was on, allowing me to listen to another one of my CD tracks. The tunes of ‘We fight for love’ started playing and I smirked. I leaned the seat back and sighed to myself.

‘If these guys wanted to meet me here, why couldn’t they have just called?’ I thought to myself. As the intro to the song continued, I looked over to the opaque black case labelled ‘Belladonna’.

I reached back and picked up the case. It was rather hefty due to the object inside. I flipped open the latch and popped open the case before looking at the ‘investment’ inside. It’s the only word I can think of to call this thing, an investment, due to how much I had spent on her.

Almost as if I was holding some ancient holy relic, I slowly lifted Belladonna out of her case. My left hand gently cradled the front of the barrel while my right gently supported the grip.

I hadn’t held her in so long and it felt nearly alien as I gripped her with one hand. The weight… hoo, hoo, the weight. Roughly five pounds, enough to make most people cry and bitch about it, calling her a novelty gun. Ha, a novelty gun. Just about every handgun in Canada might as well be a novelty piece, seeing as how you basically can’t do anything but go to a range with one.

My breathing became raspy as I took her into a two hand grip, pointing the barrel out the window and peering down the sights. I couldn’t control my breathing, not even a little. It was like the first time I held her, all those months ago… an investment.

The brushed chrome barrel gleamed as I continued to adore her. ‘An investment…’ I thought. ‘Huh… an investment… well at least it gets my mind off masturbating,’ I thought to myself.

I brought Belladonna closer to me then brought my left hand up and racked back the slide. I held the slide back and adored the rather unique rifling of the barrel.

I let the slide slam shut then once again looked down the sights of my baby… well, one of them anyway. The aftermarket luminescent white sights looked more like something for a movie prop and were kind of useless for me, seeing as how I wouldn’t actually be able to use it at night… well, back on my world anyway. Here however, I wouldn’t use it. Due to the absolute lack of gun shops or dealers, I only used my Russian guns, thanks to the bulk supply of surplus ammo I had.
I took a moment to think about how lucky I had been that not only me, but my guns, truck, and ammo, had all been magically transported to Equestria. “I guess it’s not so bad,” I muttered to myself.

Well, lucky is hardly the word. Lucky would be if I hadn’t ended up in Equestria, but it was better than nothing. I had my guns, ammo for my guns, my truck, and recently, I found a source of fuel for my truck. So in retrospect, it was alright, all things considered.

I held my right thumb against the tip of the hammer and pulled the trigger, then, ever so slowly, de-cocked the hammer. I went to adore the gun further, but a knock on the window took me by surprise.

I shut off the radio and quickly placed Belladonna back in her case then set the closed case on the back floor. Looking out the window, I realized it was the FF brothers, with dorky looks on their faces.

I opened the door and exited the vehicle and, no sooner had I gotten out, then they started their rant song, this time singing about friendship being ever so magical. “Please… no more songs,” I told them. They stopped immediately and nodded.

“Indeed… well, how are you Burdy?” Flim asked enthusiastically and I shrugged.

“Depends on opinion,” I replied and the brothers frowned. “In my opinion?” I asked and they both nodded in reply. “Oh just fine!” I started in an obviously sarcastic voice. “About six months ago… I got transported to a really fucked up world,” I had a stern voice that wasn’t angry but, at the same time, was obviously not a happy voice. “There are ponies that are kind of like what humans were like back on my world except… they’re stuck in some weird multi-era, ranging from the Victorian age all the way to my modern age… and everything in between. That and they have fucking magic abilities. Some can fly while others can cast magic and shit,” I took a deep breath before continuing.

“I later find out I can’t go home because of the inter-dimensional bond that keeps the universe intact. Then some crazy uni-horn pegasus takes me on as her student or something, tries to teach me about magic and friendship or… I don’t know! Whatever! I also find out that they don’t eat meat like bacon or steak because killing animals to harvest their innards is like taboo or some shit,” I took another deep breath before continuing my rant.

“At first everything was so gay to me because it kind of was, compared to my world. Back on my world, governments would fuck each other over for a fuckin’ dime, a fuckin’ dime! I guess in this world it would be like if the pegasus fucked over the earth ponies just to make an extra bit at the end of the year, and you know what?!” I asked aloud. The brothers shook their heads, not knowing what I would say.

“I was fine and dandy with that. Most everyone else complained that our governments were corrupt and unjust, but I knew that would never change, so I accepted that!” I yelled, pointing to myself angrily. “I fucking accepted that and lived with it! I knew I would never be somebody and I accepted that. Sure I had become something, but I still was a nobody! I had made myself into something I was proud about because I was different from the social ‘norm.’ I was big, I was strong and, hell, I had it. I don’t know what ‘IT’ was, but I had it. I was happy,” I yelled, angered that everything had kind of gone shitty.

“Then I get sent here where everypony is like, ‘We all love each other equally,’ or some shit like that, and they take me in like I’m some helpless idiot!” I yelled, and the brothers just continued to listen.

“And now!?...” I yelled as I threw my hands into the air with anger. I let out a depressed sigh and placed my hands over my face in self-disappointment. “Now, I’m finally trying to accept things, and you know what? I’m actually accepting this… this… fucking friendship being magic bullshit thing. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m starting to… well, you know… fit into the community. But I kind of miss my family…” I trailed off and thought about it as my nose scrunched a bit.

“Well kind of… I just want to know if they’re okay, tell them what’s happening…” I trailed off, still thinking about it. “Well… what I mean is… I kind of want to see them just to make sure they’re okay and know that I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere. Hell, I wanna see my dog again,” I stated. I started to get emotional as I thought about my dog.

I shook my right hand. “Never mind about that. So now, I’m just starting to get into society, and things are starting to go good… but it seems every few days I get into trouble and hurt myself when I save somepony. Then Twilight gets mad and flips shit. And NOW?!” I yelled as I threw my hands in the air again.

I simmered my voice down and sighed. “My truck is crapping out on me,” I muttered as I placed my left hand over my face and pointed at my truck with my right. I let out a sigh then looked to them. “So in my opinion?” I asked and they looked down shamefully, regretting even asking how my day was. “I’m doing well, all considered,” I stated in a faked tone of happiness with an equally fake smile.

“What’s wrong with your truck?” they asked and I sighed.

“Exhaust is busted… probably a few other things,” I stated. They scratched their chins then both squealed.

“We can fix your truck!” they stated happily and began to prance around, making up some song about friendship being a business relationship. I raised a confused eyebrow. ‘Why the hell are they so happy?’ I thought to myself. They handed me a folded scrap of paper.

“Do you know where this is?” they asked. I partially unfolded it and looked at the directions. It looked like something from an old pirate treasure map. The map was yellowed from age and felt a bit crispy and fragile.

There were some pictures of a town that looked like Ponyville by the top left. At the top right was what looked like a valley gorge or something with a mountain. In the middle was what looked kind of like an entrance to a crummy old store or maybe… a cave tunnel.

Finally, near the bottom right, was a stack of crates and at the top was a smaller crate that was circled in red. I thought about it for a moment.

It kind of looked like directions to a part of… “I know where this is,” I stated, realizing it looked like Ghastly Gorge.

“Excellent. We’ll make you a trade. You retrieve the package, and we fix your truck,” they offered. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse.

“OH-HO, deal!” I stated happily as I continued to browse over the map. The rumble of my truck instantly caught my attention and I realized that they were driving off with my truck.

“HEY! HEY-HEY!” I yelled frantically as I tried chasing them. “HEY WAIT!” I screamed, but they were already putting distance between us. “WAIT, HEY WAIT…” I trailed off as they continued off, completely ignoring me. Either that or they didn’t notice me.

I tossed my hands into the air, throwing the map into the air as well. “MOTHER FUCKERS! As if nopony else in Equestria even knows what a truck is, and these two fuckers are able to start it, even somehow knowing about the naughty key… AND THEY DON’T EVEN OFFER ME A FUCKING RIDE BACK TO TOWN!” I roared, hoping that they could hear my anger.

I watched as the plume of dust left into the distance. I looked to my left and realized that Ponyville was in the opposite direction that they were travelling. “Well they still could’ve offered me a ride back to town.” I muttered then realized something even more awful.

“YOU FUCKERS STILL HAVE MY GUNS!” I roared at the top of my vocal capacity, realizing that my toolboxes were still hitched on the truck box. ‘How am I supposed to travel through Ghastly Gorge without even a single gun to protect myself with?’ I thought to myself.

I looked to my hip. All I had was the bowie knife in my hip sheath and my old buck knife in my ankle sheath. “Well… as long as I don’t run into any Timberwolves… I guess I’ll be okay,” I muttered.

I looked around the abandoned loading yard. I spotted what looked like a check-in and paced over to it. The door was rusty and the knob wouldn’t even turn. ‘If nopony runs this yard… does that mean the diesel is bad?’ I thought, and then thought more about how my truck was running lately. It didn’t run bad, or bog down or anything. I shook of the thought and booted the door down.

The rusty, dilapidated old door hit the floor with a loud clanging sound, but nopony was around to scream in shock. I walked into the small check-in station and was surprised to see what looked like a very old and stale plain doughnut and a dilapidated coffee cup that was made out of a cardboard substance.

The coffee cup read ‘Tim Horsetons.’ I chuckled to myself as I remembered the Tim Hortons back on my world. “Ahh, how the great have fallen,” I muttered as I flicked away the coffee cup.

To my disgusted surprise, it had nasty old coffee that splashed against the wall and released a horrid stink. I picked up the doughnut, a scrap piece of paper and a pencil, then left the check-in.

I sniffed the doughnut and frowned. ‘God… well, I guess in this world it was Celestia, so… Celestia only knows how old this doughnut is,’ I thought to myself. Judging by the look, it wasn’t rotten… but seeing as how a lot of the machinery around here was rusty… I’d say it was pretty damn old.

‘Wait… if the machinery is old…’ I trailed off my thoughts and looked to the fuel pumps. They looked rather new and out of place. It was weird how the lamps were also rusty but still worked at night. ‘Who the hell runs this place?’ I thought to myself.

I took a bite of the ancient doughnut and frowned as I tasted the bitter staleness of it. Still, it didn’t taste rotten, just stale. I took another bite and chewed it down. The taste was bland and the staleness was the only real taste in it. I finished it with one last chomp and swallowed.

“Ech… note to self: stale, plain doughnuts don’t taste great… I wonder if the chocolate ones taste better stale,” I mused then set the paper against the check in station wall and began to write a letter to Twilight.

Dear Princess of Sparkleness,

Today I figured out something awful about friendship. Sometimes, when your friends ask you for help, you naturally lend a helping hand, or hoof, or whatever. But when you agree to help them, they leave with your truck, leaving you stranded several kilometers from town. Sometimes friendship is an awful thing that feels more like a business relationship with you at the bottom because they have leverage on you and have left you without a way to help them.

From all the way out in the middle of nowhere,

Burdy

P.S. Doughnuts that are obviously over four years old don’t taste that good. Well, the plain ones don’t taste good anyway. I’ll try to find another one for you so you can try it.