Friday, March 15th 2014…

So, to put it into a nutshell; I made two friends, three if you count Applejack, but she’s more of a boss figure to me. Yesterday I didn't need to work because Applejack was waiting on the next shipment of saplings, which was supposed to arrive late Saturday.

I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. Though back on earth I wasn’t necessarily considered ‘massive’ I was still big. Now I was a mountain, but I wouldn’t let it go to my head. I looked closer to the mirror, closer to the reflection of myself.

“Hot damn Burdy… If Scotty could see you now, he’d probably shit a brick,” I muttered to myself as I flexed. Veins bulged underneath my skin as my muscles all expanded. I looked to my reflection’s chest, then to my own. “I always wondered what boobs felt like…” I chuckled faintly as I grasped a handful of my own chest.

“Mmm… firm and perky,” I laughed before shaking my head in disappointment. I let out a sigh and thought about my world and how much I missed it. My family, my dog, my job, my boss… meat and guns.

As I kept quiet, my senses picked up the trace of something behind me. I spun around to see nothing in particular. I pulled open the door to the washroom, only to see Twilight standing there.

She gasped in embarrassment as I stood before her. “I-I-I… I uhm… was just waiting for… for the bathroom,” she stammered. I blinked cluelessly, then looked back to the bathroom.

“Well, I’m done. Sorry I was just… uhm…” I tried to think up a rather thoughtful excuse other than ‘I was admiring myself in the mirror.’

“I was just brushing up,” I told her before grabbing my shirt off the bathroom counter. I gulped before letting out a nervous laugh. “Sorry for taking so long…” I muttered. She stood to her hindlegs and we tried to move past each other, like a pair of klutzes.

I hadn’t had a lot of practice with my new body size and didn’t calculate my body mass. I ended up accidentally brushing my bare chest against hers as we continued to move past each other.

“Ah… sorry… I’m a… a bit of a klutz…” I laughed hesitantly. She blushed as she stopped and rested her fore hooves at my waist. Her cheeks became a cherry red shade as she looked into my eyes with her own, her pupils seeming to sparkle in the dim light produced by the bathroom light bulbs.

“Evan…” she whispered. I nodded with a look of dumbfounded expression on my face. “I… I… thank you.” She quickly slipped past me and into the washroom before closing the door behind her.

I scratched my head and wondered what all that was about. ‘Why the hell did she stand to her hindlegs like that and try to squeeze past me? Why didn’t she just wait till I was out?’ I thought to myself before looking to my watch.

‘It’s 2:30am, so why the hell is she up? Maybe she needed the washroom really bad.’ I thought then nodded with an assuring thought, ‘That must’ve been what she needed. Why else would she have acted so strangely?’

I slowly swayed myself down to the basement, or I suppose it had turned into my room. There was a bed in the far north corner, but I constantly moved it whenever I felt like it. Then there was a small squarish TV with 'bunny ears' and radio in the middle, along with workout equipment scattered about that I had gotten Twilight to pick up. I used the excuse that ‘I need these things to study friendship.’ It was a total lie, but an effective one nonetheless.

I felt a hint of guilt hit me for the first time about lying to her. I didn’t have nearly enough money to pay her back right now. I put it on my mental ‘to do list’ to pay her back.

I flopped down on my bed, exhaustion quickly overcoming any of my other senses. I guess staying up until now without any rest was kind of a bad idea. My eyes quickly shut and I couldn’t manage to open them again. Soon darkness surrounded my entire world, and I fell into deep sleep.

Evan Eldner and my brother sat atop the porch as they watched me load each shell, one by one, into the SKS rifle. My brother piped up. “I don’t know man. I hit three targets in under ten seconds, and that rifle isn’t all that accurate. Maybe we should just save the ammo and say that I won. Besides, we all know that I’m a better shot than you,” he boasted.

Evan Eldner snickered. “Dude, that’s ‘Evan’s’ gun. And besides, you always say you’re better, but you never prove it.” Evan countered back. They began a small bickerment about accuracy and my gun. I racked back the bolt and released it, letting it slam forward.

“Ahem! Gentlemen, let me show you how it’s done,” I said competitively. My brother let out a ‘Pfft’ and rolled his eyes. Evan leaned back with a look of certainty in knowing that I’d probably best my brother.

Evan tapped my brother’s shoulder. “Five bucks says he hits all five in less than ten seconds,” Evan challenged. My brother quickly leaned over and shook his hand, each of them pulling out a five dollar bill.

I stood with my right foot behind me and my left foot in front. I took a deep breath then let out a slow exhale. As I let myself become loose, I lifted the rifle barrel up, leveling my sights with the empty fruit cans about 30 yards away. I pulled the stock tightly against my shoulder and let my hands gently caress my rifle. “No way man, there’s no way he’ll beat me. Even Layton said I was a crack shot,” my brother boasted.

My vision sharpened as I trained the rifle’s crude sights on the can furthest to the right. ‘Alright Burdy… steady as she goes,’ I thought to myself. My finger rested on the smooth trigger. ‘Smooth…’ I thought. ‘This is my rifle, my rifle. Without it I am nothing, without me, my rifle is nothing… Smooth.’

BOOM!

The rifle shot echoed, but the can didn’t move. I quickly set my sights to the next can, and the first shot was echoed by a second.

BOOM!

Again the can didn’t move. My line of sight was switched to the third, followed by a gunshot. Almost as if natural instinct, my hands guided the rifle’s aim to the fourth and, again, the rifle boomed and the target didn’t budge.

My sights fell to the final target and my finger squeezed back. The rifle shot echoed in the distance as the fruit can bounced along the ground. The bolt and firing block locked back, signaling that she was empty.

My brother fist pumped the air. “AHHH YEAH! Told yah I was a better shot!” He cheered as he yanked the money from Evan’s hand. He went to boast more, but I brought my hand up as if to tell him ‘Shut up’.

“Let’s go check the cans,” I told him. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

“What’s the point? You only hit one, the others didn’t even budge,” my brother sneered. I began walking down the steps of the porch, Evan following me and my brother eventually following suit.

We paced over to the cans, only to see a fine entry and exit hole in each can, the exit hole being the exact same size as the entry. My brother’s jaw hung open as he gawked in disbelief. “I think that settles it.” I smirked faintly, just as Evan lightly slapped my brother upside the head.

“Oww!” My brother hissed just before Evan snatched the money out of his hand. “HEY!” Vaughn, my brother, yelled.

“Hey yourself. I won the bet. Evan hit all five cans, in what? Six seconds?” Evan asked. My brother crossed his arms begrudgingly, as he knew that not only had he lost the bet, but it was now official. I was a better shot than him... not that there was any doubt.

Evan laughed. “How on earth did you ever think you were better than your brother? Everyone knows that Burdy is a good shot with ‘his’ rifle,” he laughed, putting emphasis on the fact Applebloom was my rifle.

I slung the rifle across my back and stretched as I laughed. “I don’t know… but I know that my brother doesn’t know what full metal jacket rounds do to cans,” I laughed. My brother had a sour look on his face. “Aww come on Vaughn… did you forget that piercing rounds just go right through cans without making them wobble?” I laughed playfully.

He frowned. “Shut up,” he muttered, and we all started laughing. Suddenly my laughing stopped as I felt my world start to blur. I felt a pulling at my leg and my vision blurred further. I brought my hands to my head as the world seemed to black out.

I awoke abruptly, sitting straight up with a look of shock on my face. I was breathing heavily and erratically, looking around to find out what was going on, only to find Spike shaking my leg.

A deep breath left my mouth as I flopped back down on my bed, semi relieved that nothing was wrong. “Morning Spike,” I whispered.

“Wow… that’s the first time I’ve been up before you,” he stated. I looked to my watch and, to my shock, it was 10:58am.

“Holy shit,” I nearly gasped out the words in utter disbelief.

“Language.” I heard a voice scold me. I looked past Spike to see Twilight trotting down the stairs with a plate of scrambled eggs levitated in front of her. She trotted up to me and set it down next to me.

“Thanks,” I nodded to Spike.

“Actually… Twilight made it this morning,” Spike informed me. Usually Spike made breakfast because… well, just because he did. I looked to Twilight and nodded before shrugging.

“Thanks Twilight… it smells good,” I thanked her as I took a deep inhalation of the aroma coming from the eggs.

“You’re welcome,” she replied with a genuine smile on her face. I looked over to the eggs with a smile and remembered last night’s thoughts I had. I sighed and looked back to Twilight.

“Twilight… I’m sorry. I lied to you. I don’t need this workout equipment to learn about friendship. I swear I’ll pay you back, how much was it?” I inquired. She sat beside me and rested her hoof on my shoulder.

“It’s okay. Besides, this way you’re keeping in shape rather than lazing around all day in the basement. I feel better knowing that you’re keeping yourself in a fit, healthy condition,” she told me. My guilt seemed to be lifted with me knowing that I told her.

I reached over to the plate and began scoffing back the eggs and, within a minute, I was done. Twilight giggled and I looked to her while licking away a bit of egg from my face. “Did you even taste it?” She laughed and I nodded.

“Yeah… it was really good. Sorry Spike but Twilight might just be first prize winner,” I said and Twilight smiled. I smirked back. “So…” I began and she looked to me.

“So?” She asked and I chuckled.

“So aren’t you going to bug me to go out and learn about ‘the magic of friendship?’” I asked sarcastically.

“I didn’t know you were taking a liking to it,” she replied with a tone of hopefulness. I shrugged.

“Perhaps,” I stated without any incriminating evidence of my true intentions. I briefly remembered my dream and realized it had been several months since I had even held a gun, let alone shot one.

A bright smile lit up across her face. “That’s great! Oh Evan, I’m so happy that you want to learn about friendship,” she said excitedly. I didn’t plan on lying to her, so I’d probably just meet up with somepony, like maybe Derpy, and talk, then say I learned about friendship before I went out and practiced with my guns.

I stood up and grabbed my plate. Twilight snatched it out of my right hand with her magic and gave me a smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll get this. Now go out there and learn about friendship!” She said happily as she trotted away with almost a hop in her trot.

‘Who the hell says shit like that? Go out there and learn about friendship,’ I thought to myself as I began making my way out of the house. As I reached the stairs, I grabbed my camouflaged jacket off the staircase railing and slipped it on, leaving the sleeves rolled up.

As I continued towards the front door of the house, Spike tugged at my pant leg. I looked down to him and he spoke. “Are you really going to go out there and learn about friendship?” He asked, already partially knowing that wasn’t my full intentions.

I shook my head. “Nah. I’m gonna go try to get some range practice in with my guns,” I told him. I had told him a while ago what guns were, but he didn’t think they were all that great. In fact, he thought they were pretty scary, since they could kill things.

“Oh… okay… if you’re back early, can we go to Sugarcube Corner?” He asked. I nodded and he hugged my leg happily. “THANKS EVAN! You’re the best,” he stated. I reached into my pocket and tossed him ten bits.

“Here, take this. If I’m not back in time, just go without me,” I told him. He smiled as I turned and made my way outside and to the vehicle shelter.

I heard a faint whistling sound, followed by a scream. I looked up to the sky to see what I thought was Derpy careening towards the ground. “HELP!” I heard a dopey voice cry. ‘Eeyup… it’s Derpy.’ I thought, almost with a sigh. My mind remembered how much it hurt the first time she crashed into me.

I lined myself up in her path and held out my arms, ready to catch her. I winced just before she collided with me, sure that the collision was going to be painful. Instead, I felt a mediocre pain in my chest, followed by the feeling of my feet skidding backwards along the ground.

I tensed and forced my body into a stop. ‘That went better than expected…’ I thought as I realized I was still standing. I felt the shivering, grey pegasus in my arms, her hooves still covering her face in fear.

“Morning Derpy,” I greeted her bluntly, as if nothing had happened. Her hooves came away from her face and she looked up to me with her funny, criss crossed eyes. She looked over the sides of my arms to see that I had sort of rescued her.

“You saved me! You’re a HERO!” She yelled out loud, though nopony took notice. She gave me a hug and squeezed tightly. “Oh thank you, thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyouthank…” I cut her off when I set her down.

“Yeah uhm… don’t worry about it,” I chuckled before proceeding to the back of my truck. I heard Derpy’s hoof steps following me. I popped open the toolbox on the driver side of the truck box.

“Whatcha doin?” She asked as I pulled out a black case labelled ‘Applebloom.’ I quickly opened the case, revealing my SKS rifle, and slung it across my back. “Ooh… what’s that?” Derpy asked curiously.

“A rifle.” I didn’t go into detail, as I figured she’d probably have no clue what I was talking about. “A magnificent piece of technology,” I told her as I set the empty case back in the toolbox, then closed it. The sky looked clear, and for all I knew, it would probably stay that way for the rest of the day. I walked around to the other side of the truck.

She observed the rifle curiously as I popped open the second toolbox and reached into a big military surplus crate that was filled right to the guts with 7.62x39mm military surplus shells. Ten round stripper clips held some of the bullets, ready for speed loading a rifle.

I grabbed several stripper clips and slipped them into the pockets of my jacket and pants. As I loaded myself up, I remembered how long it took me to load all these stripper clips. When I had bought the box, inside were two metal crates with soldered tops. Inside each smaller crate were dozens upon dozens of small paper boxes, each holding twenty rounds of ammunition. Back then I had figured it would be a good idea to load them into stripper clips. When I did start loading them, I was pretty pissed to say the least, it felt like it took forever to do it…

“What’s those?” Derpy asked, interrupting my thoughts. I looked to her, then to the bullets I was loading.

“Oh… just ammo. Hey, you wanna come shoot guns with me?” I asked. She stood there with a blank expression on her face. I gave her a friendly nudge to the shoulder with my elbow. “Come on, it’ll be fun,” I said.

Still she had a blank look on her face. I closed the toolbox and started to walk away. Looking back, I saw that Derpy had her head tilted to one side as she looked to me curiously. “You coming?” I asked.

Her wings fluffed out and she began to hover above the ground, following me out of town. “So Derpy…” I began, looking beside me, only to see her looking back to me. “What’s new with you?” I asked.

“Oh, not much… just my job I guess. I never do anything cool like you,” she said. I chuckled from the comment.

“I hardly do anything cool,” I told her and her mouth opened wide as though she was going to gasp. “Oh come on, you don’t have to act. I’m not all that interesting if you get past the fact that I’m from another world,” I stated. She nodded rapidly and I rolled my eyes. “Name one thing that I’ve done that was interesting today,” I countered.

“You saved my life,” she countered back. I face palmed. That was hardly saving her life.

“Come on Derpy. I didn’t really save your life…” I trailed off and figured she’d probably argue for as long as we lived that I had just saved her life. “Okay, other than that?” I asked. She thought to herself and I watched her as I smirked. “See, told yah so. I’m not all that interesting,” I told her.

She smiled back at me. “Sure you are. You walked into a tree without noticing it was there,” she replied. I opened my mouth to ask when that happened but before a single syllable exited my mouth, my path was blocked by a tree that I bumped into.

My balance was impaired and I stumbled about before falling face first into the ground with a thump. I slowly stood up with a sigh. “Okay Derpy… you got me. But I’m still not interes…” I trailed off, realizing that the pegasus wasn’t beside me any longer. “Derpy?” I asked, looking around for the cross eyed pegasus.

I turned in a complete 180 before spotting her, looking down a canyon-like formation. I walked over beside her and followed her fascination of the gorge. “Ghastly Gorge…” She whispered.

“Cool… I’ve always wanted to go into a canyon, err gorge,” I said as I went to traverse down the side. She grabbed my shoulder and stopped me, yanking me back.

“Wait! It’s not safe down there! There’s Timberwolves and eels and…” She trailed off with a frightened look on her face. She looked both ways before bringing her lips to my ear and whispering, “Peg-leg the pirate.”

Narrated by Derpy Hooves:

‘A long time ago, in the heartland of Equestria, there was a pirate. A fearsome pirate named Legs, because he could outrun anypony in Equestria, even pegasus royal guards!’

A floating pirate ship hovered up alongside a royal merchant ship that was cruising atop the waves of the ocean.

‘He was feared among all who sailed the seas. It’s said that not even Canterlot battleship brigades were safe from his piracy.’

Guards in the merchant ship took their posts, but no sooner had they done so, a massive cannon ball erupted against the deck, splintering wood shrapnel everywhere, wounding several ponies in the process.

'Merchant ships were warned of his piracy, and few embarked without heavy protection. Even with the protection of royal guards, Legs and his crew managed to rob countless ships for their cargo.’

Ropes flung down from the floating ship and pirates slid down, embarking the ship, and fighting against the guards of the ship. Most of the pirates used cutlass swords while the guards used longswords. In only a matter of minutes, the pirates outnumbered the guards and simply swarmed them. In a mere five minutes, the merchant ship had been overrun.

‘It was said that Legs himself fought on every raid, and he himself killed the captain of the opposing ship. However, if any of his crew killed the captain of a ship, he’d kill that pirate himself.’

The hovering ship lowered beside the captured merchant ship. A lone, dark brown stallion hopped across the two ships. He was dressed in pirate rags and had a deathly cutie mark of a skull and crossbones. Over top his regular drab of rags was a fine long coat that dangled low, just inches about the ground.

Some fellow pirates dragged over the captain of the merchant ship and presented him to the shanty pirate, who looked down upon the captain with a snide look on his face.

The two pirates holding the captain released him and Legs walked to the captain’s side as he drew out his Cutlass sabre. Legs lined up his swing, but just as he cocked back, the captain whipped out a small sword from his saddle sheath and swung it low at the shanty pirate captain.

The sharp blade sliced Legs’ right hoof clean off. The pirate captain shrieked in pain as he fell off balance and crashed to the ground. The two pirates that were restraining the captain prior stabbed their blades through the captain’s abdomen, killing him instantly.

‘They say that when Legs’ hoof was cut off, he gained an entirely different persona. He no longer responded to Legs, not even remembering the name at all. Some say his entire mentality changed.’

Legs stood up and looked at the stump where his hoof used to be, blood spurting out of the wound. He looked down to the now dead captain, then to the captain's sword. Legs picked up the sword and admired it briefly. Then, in a display of grotesque and horrifying gruesomeness, he lodged the hilt right into his stumped limb.

‘They say the moment the hilt of the deceased captain’s sword entered his foreleg, it was the moment that marked the death of Legs… and the birth of Peg-leg.’

A few of the other pirates held their hooves over their mouths, keeping their lunch down. Peg-leg lifted his right foreleg into the air, letting his bloody knife-hoof gleam in the sunlight.

He slowly brought it back down and looked at his reflection in the bloody, shimmering blade. The pirates all watched him fearfully as he looked to the two pirates who had killed the merchant captain. In a brief flash, he charged forwards and gave one slash of his new knife-hoof.

Everything seemed to sit still. The first pirate went to speak, but ended up gurgling as blood began to pour from the gash in his throat. The second pirate joined suit, and both fell to the ground.

‘He became so viscous that the royal guard issued an Equestria wide hunt…’

Years later…

The hover ship flew along at a rather fast pace. Hundreds of royal guard carriages followed behind, all firing small cannons at the ship. Peg-leg, now aged and scarred, pointed his knife-hoof towards the swarm off carriages and let out a war-cry.

Several of the cannons on the pirate ship fired, the cannon balls exploding mid-flight and destroying many of the pursuing carriages.

‘Ponies say that the royal guard outnumbered Peg-leg and his crew by one thousand ships when they finally took him down.’

The cannons of the flying carriages all fired. The propulsion system of the flying pirate ship erupted and the ship began to crash down. One of Peg-leg’s crew members tried to rush him to tiny escape boat. Peg-leg simply impaled the pirate and faced his fate. The mortally wounded pirate fell beside his captain, grasping his stomach as he fell.

‘As anypony knows, the captain always goes down with his ship. His pirate cruiser crashed and kept sliding across the ground, creating a devastatingly large gash in the ground.’

The ship finally came to a stop and the royal guards swarmed it, swords and spears ready as they began taking apart the ship, looking for survivors to take prisoner.

‘And they say… Peg-legs’ body was never found. The royal guard stated that his body was probably destroyed in the crash but… every now and then, a merchant ship would mysteriously disappear if it passed nearby the gravesite of Peg-legs’ ship. Soon it became forever known as… GHASTLY GORGE!’

Derpy made spooky noises as she waved her forelegs in the air. I mouthed my tongue around and nodded. “Indeed… well, let’s go check it out. You never know… maybe we’ll find Peg-legs’ treasure!” I laughed, but just as I began to proceed down into the crevice of the gorge, Derpy grabbed my shoulder.

I turned back to her, only to see her hovering there with a look of freight on her face. “Evan… I don’t know… it’s scary down there,” she said, almost in tears. I waved my hand in carelessness.

“Bah, nothing will happen. You worry too much. And besides, if anything ‘does’ happen, I’ll protect you,” I assured her. She gulped, then let out a deep breath.

“Promise?” She asked. I nodded and then tried to proceed down the crevice, but once again she grabbed me. “Tail twist swear?” She asked and I raised an eyebrow.

“Uhm Derpy… I don’t have a tail…” I informed her. She rubbed her chin, then clapped as she thought of an idea. She turned me around and went back to back with me.

“Tail twist swear?” She asked.

“Yeah, uhh... sure, Tail twist swear,” I replied, not exactly sure what she had in mind. She gave my rump a little bump with hers, but due to the way I was standing on the crevice edge, I quickly lost balance and crashed down to the gorge’s bottom.

I heard Derpy gasp from above and she quickly flew down to my side. “Evan! Oh my gosh! I’m sooo sorry. I didn’t mean to…” She began, but I brought my hand up to her mouth.

“It’s cool. Now let’s go exploring!” I said with excitement in my voice. I hadn’t gotten to go on this kind of adventure since the time I broke into an abandoned hotel up in the middle of nowhere.

I unslung my rifle and checked to make sure I hadn’t scratched the stock on my fall. Luckily, due to me just sliding down on my chest, my rifle stock was still in beautiful condition.

I racked back the bolt and stuffed a stripper clip into the receiver tab before pushing down on the top shell with my thumb, loading ten rounds into the gun. I pulled out the empty stripper clip and slid it into my back pocket.

As I chambered the first round, the clank of the bolt and firing block slamming shut echoed in the gorge. I held the barrel on a lowered, forty five degree angle as we walked along on the base of the gorge floor.

Every so often, the sound of some animal or creature would echo and I’d hear Derpy squeak in fear, then I’d have to assure her that everything was fine. Even so, she'd cling close to me as we went along. We kept going through brief, dark passageways and crevices. Every time something squeaked, she’d squeeze harder and harder. Eventually she was just like a backpack, wrapped snuggly to my body.

As we entered a larger clearing in the gorge, we stopped and took a breather. Derpy’s breathing was much sharper and scared. Mine was calm and I had a smile across my face.

“Derpy,” I called to her and she looked to me fearfully. “I’m sorry for dragging you down here. If you want to leave you can. I would never hold it against you,” I apologized, but rather than fly away, she let go of my back and stepped in front of me.

“I can’t,” she replied, and I was taken aback by the comment.

“Sure you can. All you gotta do is fly straight up and…” My statement was cut off when she stood to her hindlegs and rested her hoof on my mouth.

“You’re protecting me… so I have to protect you. A friend will always watch another friend's back, no matter what!” She told me. A mimicking smile crept across both our faces. Suddenly, a scream echoed in the gorge and Derpy leapt at me and clung to my body, shaking in fear.

Another, more pained, scream echoed again. “Derpy, we gotta…” I was cut off by another scream, again a painful one. Derpy’s grip around me tightened and, rather than tell my companion that we had to save whoever was screaming I simply began rushing towards the origin of the screams.

Each scream would result in Derpy squeezing tighter and tighter, every scream sounded closer and closer until, all of a sudden, they just stopped. I stopped in my tracks and listened closely.

The thumping of my heartbeat echoed in my ears, making it hard to hear. “Hello! Anypony there!?” I yelled and, to my surprise, I got my reply quicker than I thought I would.

“Over here! Help!” The voice called back. I rushed in the voice’s direction. In moments I entered a rather narrow passage and saw a cyan pony with a matching rainbow streaked mane and tail.

“OH YEAH! I’m saved! Hey hurry up and get me free! Tank is at Fluttershy’s, so I got nopony to help me out but you guys,” she stated, but it sounded more like she was ordering me to let her free.

I stepped forwards, Derpy still clinging to my chest. As I got closer, it came to my realization that the rainbow pony turned out to be a pegasus, and she just so happened to have her left wing caught under a rather large rock.

I tried to pry Derpy free from my chest, but to no avail. I’d just have to do this with her clinging to me the way she was. The rainbow pegasus leaned over and took a look at Derpy. “De… Derpy?” She asked, and Derpy took her face away from my chest.

Suddenly she lept off and waved to the pegasus still trapped by the large rock, which probably weighed an excess of four hundred pounds. I slung my rifle across my back and tried to heft it up, but due to its shape, it was nearly impossible to get off her wing.

“Well shit… how do I…” I began, but was cut off by the deathly howl of a wolf that sounded as if it was way too close for comfort. I spun around and unslung my rifle. Derpy jumped and clung to my back, shaking fearfully as the sight of luminescent green eyes approached through the dark tunnels of the crevice.

“GET ME OUTTA HERE!” The rainbow coloured mare shrieked. The eyes of what I feared to be Timberwolves stayed at bay, for the moment. I quickly spun and looked at the rock. It was jammed up against the side of the gorge wall. The only way to get it off her wing was lifting it straight up… or right over top of her body. Of course the latter was not an option for obvious reasons.

With the shape of the rock, I couldn’t grasp it to lift it. ‘If only there were some handles…’ I thought, then snapped loudly as I thought of a plan. I lined up my rifle sights with the rock and fired four rapid shots into the rock’s side. Each shot took a chunk out of the stone, making a deepening crater hole in the rock that still trapped the pegasus.

I looked around for something to stick in the hole. I wasn’t exactly keen on trying to use my rifle to try and lift it, especially if it was our only defense against the Timberwolves. The eyes that gleamed from the shadows faded briefly, but then quickly returned, though now with more eyes appearing than before.

There was nothing down here that I could use as a lever. The only chance I had was…

“Derpy… Derpy… DERPY!” I yelled while trying to get the grey mare off my back. She wouldn’t budge willingly. I grabbed a tuft of her neck skin and reefed her off my back before pinning her body in between the rock and my body.

“Derpy listen, I need you to go up there and get a big, sturdy stick…” I trailed off as I realized she was locked up from fear. “Derpy! I need a goddamn stick!” I yelled ,but still nothing. The wolves began to move in for the kill.

The cyan mare became frantic and was shrieking in absolute fear. I pointed to her. “You! Shut your mouth…” I turned back to Derpy who was still frozen with fear. “Derpy… I need you… I need you to save me. Do you have my back?” I asked. Her eyes flickered and she gasped.

“Wh… What?” She asked and I slapped my forehead with my left palm.

“Derpy, you need to protect me. I need a stick, a big one. You scratch my back and I scratch yours… right?” I asked. Without warning, her wings sprang out and she shot directly up and out of the gorge.

‘God’s speed.’ I thought to myself. “HEY WHAT ABOUT US!?” The rainbow coloured mare screamed. I rolled my eyes.

“Holy carny,” I muttered as I turned to face the Timberwolves that now approached in the wide open. There were probably five of them in the open, plus over a two dozen more in the darkness.

The Russian March theme from Red Alert 3 began to play in my head for some reason as I readied my rifle. The first wolf sprang out at me and, as if by instinct, I pulled the trigger on my rifle even before I had properly targeted it.

A bullet splintered a fine hole into the creature's forehead and it fell to the ground in a lifeless heap. Two more wolves charged and two more gunshots echoed in the gorge, followed by the thumping of the wolves’s bodies hitting the ground.

The final two charged at me with fury in their eyes. My rifle swung over towards them as my eyes squinted to get a bead on them. I fired at the closest wolf before pivoting my aim to the last remaining beast. Firing the last two rounds in the magazine, the bolt locked open and empty shell casings lay scattered across the ground. As I tilted the gun to load a fresh stripper clip of ammo, I flipped out the bayonet, letting it gleam in the sunlight.

In a flash of motion, a fresh stripper clip was out and loaded into the rifle. I used my left hand to place the spent stripper clip in my hind pocket. I moved my left hand to the foregrip of the rifle, then used my right to rack the receiver.

“Alright you sons a’ bitches… let’s rumble,” I called out. The theme tunes playing inside my head intensified, and a stronger chorus began playing. Five more wolves charged out.

The wolves charged me like rabid dogs. I took three aimed shots as fast as I could, the rifle shaking in my grip, but the fourth wolf closed the gap between our bodies faster than I could get a bead on his head. I stabbed the bayonet tip forwards as it leapt through the air, impaling its body on the weapon’s gleaming blade.

I swung the rifle in a counter clockwise arc, the body of the wolf sliding off and skittering away. Before I could readjust my aim, the fifth wolf was upon me. Unable to line up a shot, or even stab it with the bayonet, I simply swung the butt of the rifle stock forwards, bashing it in the jaw. The wolf fell back and allowed me the brief time I needed to readjust the gun and line up a headshot.

The rifle shot echoed like a crack of thunder, the gun jerking against my shoulder beautifully. The 7.62x39mm FMJ bullet tumbled after it entered the wolf’s head, blowing out a chunk of wood debris as it left the wooden wolf's skull. Derpy landed behind me.

“EVAN!” She yelled frantically. I turned and slung my rifle. She tossed me a thick tree branch, probably ten inches in diameter. The end looked like it would fit in the crater I had made. As quickly as I could manage, I slammed the stick into the hole then began to use it as a lift handle.

I began to grunt in effort as I lifted the rock off the ground. “Come on, come on, comeoncomeon!” I grunted in painful effort as I hefted up the large rock. It barely lifted off the ground but it was enough room for the pegasus to slip out. The cyan mare didn't need a second chance and slid her wing out from underneath.

“LET’S GET OUTTA…” She winced in pain as her left wing cringed, obviously being injured from the weight of the rock pinning it down. I quickly spun and unslung my rifle, directing my aim to the wolves that were still lingering at bay.

“Derpy, get that mare outta here,” I ordered. Derpy gave me a brief salute.

“HEY! I have a name and it’s Rainbow Da…” She began, but I cut her off just as I fired a round into an approaching Timberwolf.

“Oh just shut up already!” I yelled. Derpy took off with Rainbow in her hooves. I leveled my rifle at my hip and blasted off the remaining shots aimlessly into the darkness before turning and running deeper into the gorge.

I heard the howls of the Timberwolves as they chased after me. I stuffed the SKS with another fresh stripper clip. I angled my body and fired wildly at my pursuers. Due to running, pointing behind me and firing from the hip; out of the ten rounds, I only managed to stop one of my pursuers with a leg shot that tore off it’s leg from the knee joint.

‘Lucky shot!’ I thought as I turned to face any oncoming obstacles. The theme still playing in my head hit an absolute maximum chorus, almost making it impossible to hear.

A moment later I had a full magazine loaded with a round in the chamber. Rather than turn and shoot wildly, I kept running. The darkness of a cavern hindered my sight, but only briefly as I quickly came out on the other side, only to realize that it was a dead end.

I turned to see at least two dozen Timberwolves quarreling around me like rabid animals. The theme in my head continued to blare and hinder some of my hearing.

I took a deep breath. ‘How am I going to play this?’ I thought to myself. Maybe, if I had an extended thirty round detachable magazine, then I’d have a good chance. I lifted up my left leg and reached to an ankle sheath.

“It’s been a while since I used you…” I muttered as I grasped the Buck knife in my hand, the blade tip pointing downwards. I rested the rifle foregrip on my left forearm while still holding the knife in my left, blade now pointing towards the wolves. "Let's play some Call of Duty..." I muttered to myself.

“Russia knew… when your gun was out of ammo, it could always be used as a pointy stick,” I hissed at the wolves. Balancing the gun, I used my right hand to pick out a fresh stripper clip.

I squeezed the stripper clip in my right palm as I gripped the rifle fiercely. This was probably a stupidly impractical idea, but it was all I could come up with at the moment.

I exhaled through my nose before taking in a breath of fresh air, knowing it could be my last. The wolves all moved on me, spreading apart and trying to further corner me into the dead end. My sights readied almost naturally and, without my needing to tell myself, my trigger finger was already going to work.

Three consecutive gunshots went off in a short, unison, semi-automatic burst. Three wolves fell and six charged at me. Three more shots echoed, followed by the falling of three more wolves.

I managed two more shots before the wolves closed the gap and made it hard to line up kill shots. One leapt and I used a similar technique to the one that I had used before, impaling the first wolf, then swinging it’s body to the side before finally slamming the butt stock into the snout of the next wolf, sending it staggering back.

I lined up a shot and fired, incapacitating the wolf, but completely depleting my magazine. Holding both my knife and gun in my left hand, I used my right to feed a fresh ten shots to my rifle.

However, just as I racked on the bolt handle, a Timberwolf tackled me to the ground. Applebloom slipped from my grip and tumbled out of reach. My left arm slid between our bodies and I stabbed the wolf in the neck several times with my Buck knife. "GAHHH, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!" I swore as I continued stabbing it's neck, the beast somehow still able to snap and nip at me.

After moments of stabbing, it howled in pain and I quickly pushed it off, only to find another already snapping at my face from my right side. I tried slamming the side of my fist into it’s snout, but instead of a successful blow, the wolf ended up grabbing hold of my forearm and chomping down tightly.

I let out a howl of pain before slamming the blade right through the top of it’s skull and, without further movement, it simply collapsed. Before I could fully stand and get the wolf off my arm, the wolf I had stabbed in the neck just moments ago began snapping at me again. 'Right, they have no blood...' I thought to myself. I twisted my wrist and stabbed at it's head, impaling it's skull and rendered it incapacitated "Even if it doesn't bleed, we can kill it." I muttered in a Schwarzenegger voice. I managed to stand but another wolf latched to my back and began snapping at my neck.

I struggled to get it off, but to no avail. With my bulky muscles, I could no longer reach my back with ease. “FUCK!” I roared as I stood up to my full height. Just as I managed to stand another wolf jumped and latched to my left leg, gnawing and chewing into the thick of my thigh. I charged backwards and into the stone wall of the gorge, shattering apart the wolf’s body that was latched to my back.

In one furious swipe, I stabbed the Buck knife blade into the wolf attached to my leg. The blade sliced right into it’s wooden skull and it fell lifelessly to my feet.

Two more charged at me, vicious jaws snapping and drool leaking about freely. I charged in the direction of the one on my right and, at the last possible second, leapt further to my right while stabbing my knife at the wolf’s face.

The blade connected with it’s temple, but became lodged in it’s head and was torn from my grip. I rolled across the ground, just as the second wolf leapt through the air. I placed the base of my feet in the flight of his path and gave him a powerful kick that shattered his body apart.

I crawled backwards along the ground until I was in reach of my rifle. Another wolf leapt through the air and I separated our bodies with my bayonet tipped rifle. The wolf’s abdomen was impaled by the blade and I used my right foot to boot it off.

I rolled over to my belly and quickly pushed myself up, albeit painfully. Blood was dampening my clothing and oozing down my face. I turned just as a wolf charged me from behind, its face becoming like a barrel ornament as its skull was pierced by the blade that was attached to the end of my rifle.

I kicked the body off my gun just in time to jump and deliver a roundhouse kick to a charging wolf. However, as I landed, my injured left leg seared in pain, forcing me to cringe and fall to my knees.

I spotted two more wolves charging me head-on. Two gunshots filled the air and their bodies thumped to the ground. I turned ninety degrees to my left and fired four more rounds, followed by the deaths of four more wolves.

I spun in a clockwise one eighty and managed three more shots, but the fourth wolf in the group managed to leap at me. I stabbed it through the neck with the bayonet, but the momentum knocked me to my back.

With my back to the ground, and the only thing between my juicy neck and the jaws of a hungry Timberwolf being my gun, one could say I was in a ‘tight’ situation. The wolf thrashed about, and tried furiously to close the small gap between us.

“Sorry pooch… not supper!” I muttered before pulling the trigger on my rifle. The final gunshot echoed, and a hole was placed at the bottom of its jaw. As the lifeless body atop of me went limp, I cringed and pushed it off of my gun.

My entire body burned in pain, but it was alright. I did it… “I FUCKING DID IT!” I yelled out painfully, for all the world to hear. "I fucking did it." I muttered quietly. I looked over to my Buck knife, still lodged in a wolf’s temple. As I walked over to retrieve my knife, I slipped ten fresh rounds into my rifle before slinging the rifle across my back. With a sigh I wiped my face, trying to clean away the blood that bled profusely from several cuts in my face.

“Well… I guess I got my practice,” I mused to myself as I pulled the knife out of the wolf’s skull. I examined both it and my gun. My knife was fine, and so was my rifle, though my rifle would need to have the stock refurbished. Though by who was beyond me. I suppose I could do it, reckoning I had the time.

A clattering sound filled the air, almost like bones were dancing. I turned, only to see every single piece of Timberwolf forming into one big, ugly wolf. “Oh shit… talk about Wolfenstein,” I muttered in a Schwarzenegger tone.

The wolf took one step and it felt like an earthquake. It took another step and I realized I wasn’t going to just shoot it in the head or impale it then expect this thing to die. ‘Think Burdy… THINK!’ I thought to myself. Part of the gorge wall crumbled away and my thoughts started connecting.

I charged forwards, zigzagging and crisscrossing to make it difficult for the wolf to swipe me. I slipped past it with a somewhat feel of ease. Due to its increased size, the creature was a whole hell of a lot slower.

“Come on you big piece of lumber! I need some firewood!” I yelled, again in a Schwarzenegger tone. The gigantic Timberwolf turned and began following me. I slipped deviously through the cavern and out the other side, the Timberwolf foolishly following me.

Just as I expected, its body was just a tad bit too big. Despite the wolf being to large, it started foolishly forcing itself through. Several stress cracks erupted throughout the cavern and up the gorge wall. Just as it began exiting the cavern, I fired several shots at a large piece of deformed rock.

The full metal jacket rounds took chunks out of the loose stone and it was enough to send severed cracks beneath the boulder. Gravity hammered the final nail in the coffin, the large rock fell from it's unstable resting place and to the depths bellow. The wolf went to let out a horrifying howl, but was cut off as the boulder crushed its head. The boulder was followed by the cavern collapsing behind it, turning into an avalanche of stone.

The Timberwolf was covered in stone, completely crushed and buried. “Rest in pieces,” I quoted. I let out a pained sigh as I began to climb the now stationary ramp of collapsed rock.

I reached the top of the gorge and looked out to the scenery. I let out another deep breath, sitting down on my rump before sheathing my knife and resting my rifle beside me. I wavered a bit, then laid onto my back. Though I was bleeding, it wasn’t fatal, nor were there protruding fangs left splintered in my arm like the last time I had a confrontation with those blasted wolves. Finally, the theme playing in my head ceased, and I was able to be at peace. I felt the presence of two figures approach me. Without looking, I nodded to them. “Howdy… fine day, huh?” I asked.

“EVAN! You’re bleeding!” I heard Derpy cry out before I felt her slide beside me, gently taking hold of my arm and examining it. “Oh no… oh no, this is really bad… this is really, really, really bad!” She began to become frantic.

I reached my left arm around her and pulled her in for a bloody hug. “Thank you Derpy… for having my back,” I told her. I felt her jittery breathing against my chest as she held onto me, not wanting to let go.

“That is… kind of bad. We should get you to Nurse Redheart,” I heard the cyan pegasus state. I looked up to her and reached out painfully with my right arm.

“My name’s Evan, but you can call me Burdy if yah fancy,” I introduced myself. She shook my hand with her hoof.

“Rainbow Dash… and thanks for saving me… but don’t get me wrong, I would’ve totally gotten out of there by myself if you hadn’t showed up,” she stated boastfully. I laughed painfully as I rested my head back against the ground.

Hours later…

I lay in a medical bed in the local Ponyville hospital. I stroked my left hand down my now healed right arm. “Goddamn… those healing potions sure are something,” I muttered.

Suddenly, my hospital room door swung open and Twilight rushed in, quickly grabbing hold of me and hugging me tightly. “Oh my Celestia! Evan, are you alright? Please tell me you’re alright! Oh, I heard the awful story… you’re not alright are you? Oh no this is awful, I’ve failed as a teacher and now I’ll never…” I silenced her by bringing my right index finger to her mouth.

“Easy,” I said calmly before stroking my forearm. “See? Good as before… actually, better than before. I feel great,” I told her. She looked in shock, and a worried curiosity filled her gaze as she inspected my body, which was covered by a medical blanket. I no longer had my combat jacket and cargo pants on. Instead, I was in a medical gown.

“So if you’re fine, then why… why are you still in bed?” She asked and I shrugged.

“Meh… don’t know. I think they want to experiment on me some more. You know, like a lab rat?” I laughed playfully. She slumped down in the chair beside my medical bed and buried her face into her hooves.

“Oh my Celestia Evan… That was way too close. What were you even doing anyway?” She asked and I laughed.

“Learning about friendship…" I trailed off as I realized that I had indeed learned something. "Give me a second…” I stated as I reached over to the hospital nightstand. Grabbing a pencil and paper, I began jotting down a note.

Dear Sparkly princess mare,
Today I learnded that a pony should not be pressured into doing something they don’t want to. Even if you tell them they don’t have to, they feel obliged to go just because you are, like peer-pressure. It's wrong to make a friend feel pressured into coming with you, especially if they feel uncomfortable. Facing fears may be one thing, but facing death isn’t something to do with friends all the time. In the future, I promise not to bring my friends on adventures unless they absolutely really badly want to really face a life or death situation with me.

Reluctantly yours,
Burdy