Monday, September 16th , 2013:

Everfree forest…

The air was muggy and humid, the dark forest seemed calm and still as I lay there on the ground, face down. The sleeves on my M81 camouflage jacket were rolled up, allowing wet moisture to dampen my arms and give my skin an uncomfortable feeling.

As the cool dampness seeped into my matching cargo pants, I groaned and tried to roll over. Dirt and muddy grit was smeared onto my face as I continued to slowly roll onto my back. I groaned painfully as I finally flopped over. ‘Whatever that was… I don’t want to do it again,’ I thought to myself. I moved my right hand over my face and tried to wipe away the grit and sticky wetness, only managing to smear it more. The slimy ground residue clung to my hands like some sort of viscous snot booger.

I swatted my hand in the air several times before the residue finally flung off and I flopped my head against the ground, the grass beneath me making an awful and gut wrenching squelching sound as my weight pressed into it.

My jacket used to only be wet on my chest, but due to the way I was laying, my back soon became soaked as well. Guess I didn't think that one through very well.

I brought both hands to my face and began massaging my cheeks before taking my right hand away and looking to my wrist watch. I used my left thumb to press the light button and the screen lit up with a bright blue neon glow.

The watch arms never worked, even when I bought the damn thing, but the digital readouts were always bang on the money. It read that it was September 16th, Monday. It also stated that it was 11:30pm. “Great… my Monday isn't even over yet,” I muttered groggily as I stood up. It took a moment, but my eyes soon adjusted to the dark surroundings.

Wherever I was, the trees were creepy as all fucking hell… and eerie. The forest creaked and groaned silently without actually moving, the trees simply stood deathly still yet made noises as if in some sort of torrential storm. I got up and started to walk forward but tripped over something which gave a clacking sound as my work boots hit it and I fell face first back into the awful ground. “WHAT THE FU… oh hey Applebloom…” I muttered as I snatched the rifle off the ground. Applebloom… a dame and a half. SKS with walnut brown stock and flip up bayonet… something about her just made me feel… safe.

I held it close, letting the side of the cool black barrel rest against my face, seemingly making my headache go away for a moment’s time before quickly returning.

I let out a long yawn as I stretched but stopped abruptly as I heard howling in the near distance. My eyes went wide as shivers went down my spine. ‘This can’t be good,’ I thought to myself as I quickly positioned Applebloom in both hands, stock plate resting against my shoulder, before racking back the bolt. The sound of the bolt slamming shut echoed in the night air, but at the same time I felt safer. “Locked, cocked and ready to rock!” I announced before looking around. Just as I stood to my full height, my senses flared out of control. Everything smelt fresher, my vision sharpened and everything around me seemed to echo loudly, making it somewhat difficult to pinpoint exact sound origins.

I flipped out the bayonet on my SKS and spun around, only to see green eyes peering at me. “Holy hell in a handbasket…” I muttered as more eyes illuminated in the dark forest depths. Suddenly a set of eyes began approaching and I leveled my rifle’s sights in between the set of eyes.

I waited until my vision could make it out, only to realize that choice was a horrible one to make. The creature in front of me was a god awful looking… something rather. It was kind of like a wolf but made completely out of wood. It also had a horrid stink that fumed in the air around its entire body.

“You’re one ugly mother fucker,” I muttered in a perfect Schwarzenegger voice. The beast snarled and leapt at me, tackling me to the ground and snapping at my face with its powerful jaws. The force of the tackle knocked the SKS rifle from my grip, sending it tumbling across the ground

I yelled out in anger as I clenched my fist, slamming a punch into its snout with my bare knuckles. The nightmarish creature yipped as it staggered back into the dark depths. Suddenly the entire forest echoed with a single unison howl. “I’m so fucked…” I whispered to myself as my heart began to race. I rolled to the side then scrambled to my feet as I reached for my only hope, Applebloom.

I snatched the rifle off the ground and readied it as the first wolf charged at me. I rushed it, leaping through the air before stabbing my rifle downwards, driving the bayonet tip right through its skull. As my feet touched the ground, the wolf’s body slumped by my feet. “Oh, you want to play rough, let’s play rough mother fuckers!” I yelled just as another one charged me.

I leveled the sights on my rifle and popped off three consecutive shots. The rifle’s muzzle emitted a blinding flash that singed blurs into my eyes, tainting my vision. 125g ballistic tipped bullets flew through the air and all connected with the creature’s hideous face, blowing its wooden skull into splinters. I felt a shiver go down my spine as I sensed the presence of something approaching me. I pivoted my stance and a wolf latched onto my arm, chomping down tightly with its razor sharp fangs.

“GAH… MOTHER FUCCKKKKERRR!” I roared in pain as I tried furiously to swing the wolf off my arm, but it wouldn’t budge. Another wolf charged at me and I swung the wolf currently latched to my arm at the charging wolf. Both their bodies collided, sending the second wolf tumbling away but the first one still stayed clamped to my forearm.

“FUCK YOU!” I swore as I swung its body against a nearby tree, shattering its body into several parts. My arm burned in pain and barely allowed me to move it. I readied the heavy rifle in my right arm with one hand, placing the butt of the stock against my shoulder and resting the rifle’s foregrip on my left arm’s elbow. My arm seared in pain, but it was manageable for the time being.

“Alright assholes… you want me? Come and fuckin' get me!” I roared. They were about to make their move when suddenly a hissing noise could be heard throughout the forest. Not even a moment passed as they all whined fearfully before scampering away into the deep, dark forest.

I lowered my aim and watched in shock as they all scampered away. As I went to make a shitty pun, I felt my arm flare in pain. I winced and looked to my bleeding arm, only to see sharp wooden fangs protruding out of my forearm. “Great… well… this makes my Monday…” I muttered with humor in my voice.

Without looking, I noticed an approaching presence behind me and my eyes went wide. I spun around to see a cloaked, four legged figure trotting towards me. I began to level the rifle but it brought up a hoof and motioned for me not to shoot.

I could’ve sworn that my mind was playing tricks on me… but then again I had just fought wooden wolves so... “Please do not hurt me, for you have yet to see.” The voice spoke in a rhyme.

“See… see what?!” I asked aggressively.

“See my face, if you wish to stay in this place.” She spoke another rhyme.

“Enough fucking rhyming… what the fuck do you want?!” I demanded. There was a faint laugh as she tossed back her hood, the light of the shimmering moon revealed a… zebra! ‘Wait a minute… zebras don’t talk… do they…’ I thought to myself. I had never been to Africa, but I figured they were just like a weird colored horse, so that meant they couldn’t talk… right?

“Okay… I’ll stop rhyming… but take my word, it is not safe here. You should come with me back to my home so I can help you,” she suggested. She kinda sounded like she was from Africa or something, but then again… I guess Zebras were from Africa.

“Help me?” I asked curiously, wondering what exactly I needed. She pointed to my still bleeding arm and I chuckled. “Oh yeah…” I chuckled then sighed, “Right… I kinda forgot about that.” I muttered, having completely forgotten about my injured arm. ‘How the hell do I completely forget about my arm… I mean there’s stuff stuck in it!’ I thought to myself before shrugging and following her to wherever she was going to bring me.

I grimaced in pain as I pulled the final fang from my arm, using just my index finger and thumb to pry the fang out.

She, the zebra, stated that her name was Zecora and that she was some sort of potion brewer, an alchemist I think she called herself. After a while of talking with her, I got this weird sense that she didn’t look like what zebras were supposed to look like. Her body figure, it looked too… smooth, almost non-animal like. Regardless of her looks, she didn’t have any pain killers, but she did have healing potions to aid in the healing process.

It was amazing, one moment I would yank a fang from my arm, then it would be gushing blood from the large nasty hole in my arm and then the next moment it would suddenly start to heal shut. ‘I kinda feel like Wolverine,’ I thought to myself as I continuously clenched and unclenched my fist, making sure my arm was working right.

I slumped back in the chair I was sitting in and sighed as my wounds all healed shut. It was cool because there was no scarring, not even faded skin. She was good at what she did and I wouldn’t say otherwise.

She broke the silence before I could, “You are a truly amazing specimen. To endure that much pain without passing out is truly extraordinary.” She remarked and I chuckled as I waved my hand in disagreement.

“Nah, I’ve heard of people getting shot and it didn’t even faze them… then again, they were hyped up to the gills on drugs…” I replied. She stepped closer towards me, observing me closer.

“What exactly are you? Where did you come from… and what is that… thing you used to destroy the Timberwolves?” She asked. I laughed from the multiple questions.

“Whoa! Which question do you want me to answer first?” I replied with a short laugh. She rubbed her chin then looked back to me.

“How strong are you?” She asked and I was taken back by the question. ‘How the hell do you answer that? How strong am I?’ I thought to myself.

“That wasn’t one of the original questions but okay…” I trailed off and tried to think of an answer then just shrugged. “Strong enough.” I replied but she shook her head.

“I need a definite answer.” She told me and I scratched my chin then shrugged again with a look of uncertainty.

“Strong enough to be strong enough.” I told her and she sighed with a somewhat disappointed tone.

She shook her head before speaking. “Are you a healthy specimen in your… species?” She asked and I scratched my head, then thought of all the stories about obesity and how it was a growing issue and how my generation was really unhealthy. I grabbed my stomach but couldn’t really grasp any sort of fat. I wasn’t slim, I was bulky, but most people would say that I’m 'Built like a brick shithouse.'

I nodded. “Yeah, really healthy.” I replied with another nod.

“EXCELLENT!” She boomed and I was sent hurtling back from some sort of green blast that seemed to just come out of nowhere. I crashed against the wall and grimaced to myself as random objects cluttered to the ground around me, some crashing against my back and shattering while others simply smashed against the ground.

“What the fuck…” I trailed off as I looked to the zebra, only to see that she wasn’t a zebra anymore. Now she was… some sort of black thing with lots of holes and a horn… and bug like wings. I was about to say something about Swiss cheese but she pounced at me.

I ducked into a roll and dodged her pounce then stood to my feet. “What the fuck are you?!” I roared as she spun and quarreled around me like a predator about to pounce. She jumped at me and as she did, I leapt into the air, delivering a powerful roundhouse kick to the side of her head, sending her crashing into a closet door that shattered upon impact, sending debris splintering around her.

I readied myself for another attack but noticed a zebra that looked exactly like the black thing had before it changed. The zebra was bound in rope and let out muffled screams as the black creature staggered to its feet… hooves, it had hooves.

As the creature charged me again I leapt to the left and out of its path. The beast crashed head on into the wall behind me, its horn lodging into the wood and keeping it stuck. It screamed and thrashed as it tried to break free, kicking more debris into the air.

I stood up, casually grabbed my SKS before walking over and mildly slamming the stock into the back of its head. Its body quickly went limp as the blow knocked it unconscious.

“This is one fucked up dream… Scotty is never going to believe this.” I laughed with a smile on my face. Now that the monster thing was knocked out, the muffled screams of the zebra could be heard and I looked over to it. I waved but its screams continued on so I rolled my eyes.

That’s when I kind of clued in. Zebras were supposed to be like horses, but this zebra looked like it would only stand at… maybe just above my waist level when it was on all fours. I scratched the back of my head in thought. 'Shouldn't it be taller?

I walked over and the zebra began to scream more frightfully. I placed a reassuring hand on its shoulder. “Sssh… it’s okay, I’m not gonna hurt you…” I whispered gently. The zebra calmed down slightly but as I slipped out the Bowie knife from my hip sheath, it began to scream again. The striped equine thrashed around and tried to break free of the ropes that held it down.

“Hey, calm down! How the fuck am I supposed to get you free if I don’t cut the damn ropes?” I asked aloud. Almost as if it understood me, the zebra stopped thrashing and just sat still. I quickly cut the ropes and released it.

It gasped then turned to me. “I am very grateful of your deed, much like a majestic steed.” She stated. I rolled my eyes.

“Please… no more fucking rhyming… I got enough of that from her,” I said as I pointed to the black thing which was still unconscious. I scratched my head in thought. “So… uhm, what the hell is going on here?” I asked, finally coming to my thoughts of what exactly was going on.

About an hour passed before I thunked my head against the table we were sitting at. This had to be some sort of really fucked up dream. I mean, talking zebras, mythical animals… it was just…

“So how do I get home?” I asked and the zebra, who stated that she was actually Zecora, simply shrugged. We heard a low groaning and both looked over to the now bound up Changeling queen. Zecora had put some sort of paste on her horn that was supposed to disable her magical abilities… ha, magical abilities, this place is really screwy.

The queen quickly realized the situation she was in and began to struggle but soon found it futile. “Release me or suffer the consequences!” She boomed and I just rolled my eyes with a faint smirk before turning back to Zecora.

Apparently Zecora had stumbled upon Chrysalis and ended up getting bested before being locked in her own closet. She was thankful for me getting her out and said she had been held captive for the last week while Chrysalis searched for prey, whatever that meant.

“HEY, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!?” Chrysalis screeched, interrupting my thoughts. Without even looking to her I gave my reply, which was nothing. “HEY! I’M TALKING TO YOU! RELEASE ME OR ELSE!” She continued to demand her release and I couldn’t hear Zecora over Chrysalis’s constant and futile demands. I stood up, pulled the sock off my right foot, walked over to her and then stuffed my sock in her mouth, effectively silencing her for the moment at hand.

She began to give muffled screams as she undoubtedly tasted the god awful flavor of sweat from my sock. “When you shut up, I’ll take the sock out.” I told her. She immediately stopped giving muffled screams. I waited a brief moment before pulling the sweaty sock from her mouth.

She looked at me with those pretty green eyes and blinked before quickly returning to her rant. “NOW I DEMAND YOU TO…” I stuffed the smelly sock back in her mouth then walked back to Zecora as Chrysalis’s muffled screams continued to fill the room with a rather annoying tone.

“So like I was saying… what’s her deal anyway?” I asked and Zecora sighed before replying.

“She is the empress of the Changeling hive and is a very feared creature. Most ponies would turn tail and run at the mere thought of a changeling.” She stopped for a moment and took a close look at me. “You are either very courageous… or very stupid.” She told me and I raised an eyebrow.

“I’d probably say the latter is the right answer… but why?” I asked and Zecora face palmed… or I guess she face hoofed, seeing as how she has hooves not… never mind.

“She is one of the most feared creatures in all Equestria, and you fought her without hesitation, then approached her and stuffed her mouth to keep her quiet.” She replied like it was some great act of heroism.

I shrugged, “It wasn’t that hard… her movements were kind of predictable.” I replied. Chrysalis either got tired or passed out from lack of oxygen. I looked back to see that she was indeed conscious but looking like she was in need of some fresh air. I chuckled silently and Zecora gave me a curious look. I pointed back to Chrysalis without even looking. “My socks probably taste like shit…”

I stood up and walked over to her. She tried to keep away from me but it was no good, the ropes held her down tight. “Hey… stay still for a second would you!” I ordered. She froze in fear from my deep voice as I pulled out my Bowie knife.

She began to yelp out muffled screams and I rolled my eyes. “Hey! Knock it off and keep still or else I won’t be able to cut you free.” At this statement she went quiet but Zecora gasped.

“You wouldn’t!” Zecora exclaimed but she got her answer when I pulled the sock out of Chrysalis’s mouth and cut the ropes that bound her body. Her wings ruffled then closed by her sides. She tilted her head to one side and both she and Zecora asked the same question at literally the same time, though Zecora asked in an irritated tone while Chrysalis asked in a more curious tone.

“Why did you do that?” They both asked and I shrugged.

“Why not?” I asked and Zecora answered first.

“Because she’s dangerous.” I chuckled from the comment and they both looked to me with unsure looks. I rolled my eyes and dangled my overly large knife around in the air.

“Duh… If she tries anything then I’ll just stab her to death,” I replied with a small laugh, but they both went pale. “What?!” I exclaimed.

“You’d… just kill her… without second thought?” They both asked at seemingly the same time. I nodded as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Well duh… whatta yah expect me teh do? Use harsh language?” I asked rhetorically. The joke didn’t ease their tension and Chrysalis slowly took a cautious seat while Zecora followed suit.

I sat across from them and looked to my watch. It was later… earlier than I expected. 4:34am to be precise, or at least it was 4:34am back on my world, god only knows what it was here.

“So… why did you try to… do whatever it was you were trying to do?” I asked and Chrysalis answered my question with an answer she probably thought was easy to understand.

“My hive was scattered across Equestria and I do not have enough strength to gather them back together, so I need to feed off the love of somepony… or something,” she replied and I raised a confused eyebrow.

“Huh?” I asked and she repeated the exact same phrase. “Can you say that again… but in English?” I asked and she sighed.

“I feed off the essence of love.” She informed me. I scratched my head then gulped.

“So… uhm… forgive me if I’m wrong but… you swallow?” I asked and now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow.

“I do not understand.” She replied and I gulped as I repeated the question but with a more cautious tone.

“You… swallow… the essence of love…” I replied and readied myself for what I was sure to come. Instead however, she remained confused by my question. I gulped as I made the lewd gesture of sucking on a cock and swallowing.

Both her and Zecora gasped in disgust. “DO YOU THINK I’D REALLY DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!” Chrysalis boomed.

“Oh hell, I don’t know, you’re all like ‘I feed off the essence of love’ and to me that is either sexual or really, really, REALLY… I dunno, sexual,” I replied and she gasped.

“It’s neither of those things!” She snapped at me and I simply shrugged. She scowled as she tried to explain it to me in more detail. “If I can lure somepony or something into loving me, then I can feed off the essence of their love.” She told me.

I was about to say how gay that sounded, but then remembered that I was in a world of talking animals with magic and shit. I nodded, “Oh… I see… so you… trick ponies and stuff… by transforming then… swallow?” I asked comically and she went to yell at me but I stopped her by bringing my index finger to her mouth. “I’m just kidding… What if they love you naturally?” I asked and she raised an eyebrow.

“Who would love me naturally? I’m hideous.” She stated and I shrugged.

“Nah, you’re not that bad looking. Just different… like me.” I replied then scratched my chin. “You’re like… that puppy dog kind of cute, where it’s so cute and adorable that you just can’t…” I stopped as I thought about what I had just said. “I GOT IT!” I exclaimed and they both sat back from my sudden outburst.

“You need love…” I said as I pointed to Chrysalis, “And you all want her to not… take over the world, trying to feed off of everything… right?” I asked and they both gave a half-assed nod. “Well duh, we get you a puppy! They love everything that shows them attention,” I explained. The duo looked to each other, raised their adjacent eyebrows then looked back to me.

“That sounds crazy… but it might work,” Chrysalis replied. Zecora interrupted our joy with bad news.

“Maybe… but where would you find a puppy. The closest animal caretaker is near Ponyville and…” Zecora began but I cut her off.

“TO PONYVILLE!” I announced as I quickly grabbed my rifle. Zecora rested her right hoof on my shoulder.

“I do not think it would be wise for both of you to venture into that town.” She warned me and I tilted my head to one side and gave a look of confusion.

“They are a little… unsociable towards different and strange creatures that enter their town… and they will be very fearful of her,” she told me. I smiled.

“Ahhhh… a group of the KKK huh?” I asked and she tilted her head to one side. I chuckled, “Never mind… hey, why don’t you just tag along and tell them that we’re okay?” I asked and she sighed.

“I must apologize, but I cannot. My travels take me in the opposite direction, for I must now replace the things that she has destroyed.” Zecora said as she glared towards Chrysalis who blushed timidly.

“Whatever… to hell with it. We’re not black so it’s good.” I stated but as I looked over to Chrysalis I chuckled and I realized that what I said wasn't entirely true. "Well... she's black but I'm sure they'll make an exception." I grabbed Zecora and gave her a hug, stunning her from the sudden embrace.

“Thanks Z. Hey, you ever need my help, just call,” I said and she again was confused by the comment. “Never mind… just come find me and I’ll help you out if you ever need it,” I told her. She nodded and I looked to Chrysalis. “Alright… let’s follow the yellow brick road…” She gave me a confused look and I sighed as I placed my palm over my face. “Ugh… never mind.”

As the two of us left Zecora’s hut thingy, I looked to Chrysalis. She was really cute, in that puppy dog sort of sense. “Hey Chrysie…” I began and she looked to me, her cheeks turning into a cherry red shade.

“Chr… Chrysie?” She asked sheepishly and I nodded. “Nopony has ever called me Chrysie before…” She trailed off and I rolled my eyes before I continued on what I had previously been thinking.

“So… Equestria… do you all have like... a firearm magazine capacity law?” I asked and she gave me a very confused look. Before she could ask anything, I spoke my mind. “Those… Timber dog things, they were kind of viscous and I figured… you know, if there was no law against it, that I’d just… you know… remove my magazine plug…” I trailed off and she still had a confused look on her face.

I unslung my SKS and unsheathed my Bowie knife, using the tip of the blade to point to the rather large rivet that held a metal block inside the bottom of my magazine, effectively 'capping' my rifle to five shots. “Is there an ammunition capacity law?” I asked.

“Ammu… what?” She asked and I rolled my eyes.

“You know… gun laws?” I asked and she raised an eyebrow.

“Gun laws?” and I sighed.

“You know… guns?” I asked and she shook her head. ‘Figures, I get stuck with the broad that not only tried to kill me, but also doesn’t know anything about the gun laws in this place… didn’t she try to take over the world?’ I thought to myself as I began prying out the large rivet and metal block.

It was a little tricky but a little bit of effort and know how prevailed. In a few short moments I had the rifle magazine unplugged. I looked back to Chrysalis and opened my saddle pouch before pulling out several shells of 7.62x39mm ballistic rounds. “Observe,” I told her before loading the gun.

“I do not understand,” she told me and I sighed.

“The… never mind… these things are what…” I trailed off and figured she probably wouldn’t understand anyway.

“Those what?” She asked and I rolled my eyes.

“To make it real easy, the tip on those things I just put in my rifle, go really fast and kill whatever I’m shooting at,” I told her and she gasped.

“You’d… kill?” She whispered and I sighed. ‘I thought we already went over this?’ I thought silently.

“Uhh… yeah… but only the bad guys,” I told her and she gulped before stopping.

“Then perhaps we should not travel together…” She trailed off and I looked back to her with a shrug.

“Why not? I know you used to be bad… and tried to take over the world… and tried to kill me recently… but it’s cool, I’m sure… meh, never mind, let’s just get you a puppy.” I said, figuring that if she did try to kill me again, I could just put one through her skull… ‘But she’s sooo cute…’ My mind thought.

I silently groaned as I began having second thoughts about the plausibility of shooting her if I had to. It would be like putting down a really cute puppy or something. I turned and looked to her with a smile and she caught my glance.

“What?!” She gasped, obviously afraid that I might be thinking of something dastardly, like killing her... or worse.

“You’re very pretty.” I stated timidly and she blushed slightly.

“You… do you mean that?” She asked and I nodded with a hint of confusion.

“Well uhh… yeah, I mean… you’re cute… like a puppy or something.” I told her and she smiled brightly as we continued on.

“Thank you…” She whispered and I looked to her with a raised eyebrow. “Nopony has ever thought I was cute… it’s why I have to change my appearance.” She informed me.

As we continued on through the forest, she told me about when she had tried to take over the world, and how she had been defeated in a kind of retarded way. I mean, love deflected her away, seriously? I thought she fed off love?

I stopped suddenly and gasped. She followed my gaze but couldn’t figure out what I was looking at. “What?” She asked and I pointed to what I was looking at.

“We… are…” I began. Chrysalis looked as well but she ended up just tilting her head in confusion of what it could possibly be.

Author's Notes:

And just incase you were wondering about how the character got in Equestria, I'll explain that later (It's a plot development thing)