Monday, April 1st, 2014…

So, as it turned out, Flim and Flam somehow managed to disassemble, fix, and then start re-assembling my truck, all in a week’s time. There were only a few things left that they needed to do apparently, but they wouldn’t let me look at her, something about wanting to surprise me.

When I had gotten back and revealed my cheque to the brothers, they stated that they could cash it for me, since I didn’t know how, though they took a fine cut of ten thousand bits each, leaving me with only thirty thousand. ‘Dinks,’ I thought silently to myself.

It also turns out there were a few different kinds of bits. The regular bit was worth one, and it was just a blank gold coin. Then there was the hundred bit, and it was a little bigger than a regular bit and had a picture of the night princess on it, Looney I think her name was, but I’m not sure if that’s right. Then there was the thousand bit coin, which had a picture of Celestia on it and was the largest of the three. So I had thirty of these Celestia coins which, in turn, made me sort of rich, in a matter of sense.

Left with a still hefty chunk of cash, I was going to go back to the library, but the brothers requested that I stay, for protection. I had reluctantly obliged, though now I was really starting to realize just how stupid I was…

I sat on a lawn chair just outside the automotive garage, looking out to the empty expanse of harsh desert. Heat waves could literally be seen as the temperature stayed at an extreme high.

I looked to the circular thermometer that was fogged. The thermometer read that it was 115 degrees Fahrenheit. Sweat nearly poured down my face, constantly stinging my eyes and making me rub them dry.

I was wearing what used to be a white t-shirt that was cut at the shoulders and made into a tank top. I also had a pair of blue jeans, and my Terra work boots. My soda pop was starting to go stale, but it was way too warm to even be considered comfortably drinkable.

Being as bored as I was, Flim had made me a radio to listen to my CD tracks, but the radio went on the fritz and it kept replaying the same song over and over again. Though the song was good for the first hour, forty eight hours later with the same song going on a loop got pretty bore-some. I had heard it so much that I nearly knew the lyrics by heart, and almost had the voice pattern down pat.

I stopped singing along to the lyrics of ‘Bad Company, by Bad Company’ and started cleaning out my SVT-40. The rifle, despite being of Russian origin, was actually quite complex and needed the use of tools to be disassembled. As the song continued, and I continued cleaning my gun, I looked over to the new brass ammunition that had been made for the gun.

About four days ago, I took a shot at one of my empty glass bottles and nearly gave the F brothers heart attacks. They were so curious that they made me explain everything I knew about the gun. I had explained the properties of corrosive ammunition opposed to regular ammo, gas operation and all the other good things that came with owning a military surplus rifle.

They were so enticed that they were about to try to start constructing firearms, then I told them ‘No way in hell’ and threatened that I’d have to kill them if they did. They were shocked about my threat, then I explained that, back on my world, though guns were fun, they did a lot of bad when in the hands of bad people, and something told me that there were probably some pretty bad ponies out here, despite this world being so peaceful.

In the end, they offered to make non-corrosive ammunition for my rifle, with brass shell casings.
Somehow, in the course of two days, they managed to make not only 7.62x54R ammunition, but 12 gauge, 7.62x39mm, and a few other types that I requested. I kind of felt bad now due to my threat against them producing guns, but I wasn’t about to be the reason guns became a problem in Equestria.

I smiled as my insides felt all warm and mushy. Despite what Applejack might think of these two, they seemed alright to me.

My head throbbed from the heat and I took a sip of the distastefully warm beverage. As I set the bottle back down, I noticed a plume of dust in the distance. I put my rifle back together and slapped a fully loaded magazine into the gun, then let it rest on my lap.

What looked to be a weird first generation Volkswagen Beetle pulled up. If not for the cheap wooden tires, the roofless top, and the exposed engine block, the thing looked like an original.

I was even more stunned when a… cat thing, stepped out. It stood on two legs and was obviously bipedal. Its arms and hands were kind of like a human, though it had paws, thumbs, and a light coat of fur. It was dressed with a tattered white shirt that barely covered its large human-like breasts. A pair of old grey jeans covered its fury legs and a pair of rugged, old leather boots covered its feet. The creature itself looked to be light framed and only stood five feet tall. Most of its fur was orange, but its chest hair was white, along with the palms of its hands.

It walked over to me and I got a better look at its face. It had a feline face, whiskers and all. Its eyes were blue and genuine looking, “Fine day,” stated the feline thing in a feminine voice.

“Yes ma’am,” I stated.

“You a new owner or something?” she asked curiously and I shook my head.

“No ma’am, just having my vehicle repaired,” I replied casually. She nodded then leaned back to get a look inside the garage, searching for the owners.

“Don’t mind me, just need some fuel,” she stated then started walking towards the far garage where my truck was. I took a look at her as she walked away and noticed what looked like a blocky handgun holstered at the back of her hip. It had no real distinguishing features about it, other than it had an overly large barrel and a pistol grip.

I shook my head and went back to singing along with the song as my thoughts wandered. 'I must be having a mirage... I mean, guns don't exist in Equestria' I thought silently to myself. The song had looped again and was partly through the song.

“PLEASE WE DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY!” screamed one of the brothers, catching my attention. I quickly leaned over and looked to see the cat thing holding up the two brothers with her pistol thingy, though it wasn’t quite a just a pistol
.
The top of the barrel split along the top and the hind of the barrel had folded forwards. Now the handgun was a crossbow pistol of sorts, I think. How it would work was beyond me, but I could see the looks on the brothers’ faces and it was obvious that what she was holding was a serious piece of hardware.

A presence suddenly landed beside me. “Hey Evan, what’s up?” asked a dopey yet friendly voice.

I quickly darted my look over to Derpy. “Derpy, sssh!” I motioned for her to be quiet and her eyes went wide with shock. I discreetly pointed over to the bandit and Derpy gasped, getting the bandit’s attention.

She swung the handgun bow thingy towards Derpy and myself. “Don’t move or I’ll plug yah!” the cat yelled. Both Derpy and I froze and she swung her bow pistol back to the brothers. “Give me all you got!” she yelled.

“Please, we have nothing of value,” the brothers pleaded. She leaned to the side and took a look inside then pointed her bow at something inside.

“Bullshit. Give me that gold!” she ordered as she pointed her pistol thingy at something. Flim immediately ran inside and retrieved my remaining gold bullion that I had kept as a memoir.

“Hey! That’s my gold!” I shouted. Her aim was shifted back to me.

“Shut up!” she yelled and I nodded as my hands slowly crept for the grips of my rifle. Derpy foolishly spoke up.

“That’s not very nice! I don’t like you talking to my friend like that!” Derpy argued back to the feline. My gut wrenched as the feline got really crossed.

“Stupid bitch! I’ll show you!” she scowled then took aim on Derpy.

“DERPY! GET DOWN!” I yelled as I lept up and jumped in front of Derpy. Six excruciating pains shot through my body. The first struck my left shoulder, then a second was placed nearly right beside it. A third slammed into the lower left part of my abdomen then another on the right side. A fifth pain seared on the right side of my chest as something shot into my pectoral muscle. The last shot clipped the top part of my shoulder, but didn’t dig in like the others.

I fell back, seething in pain as my leg stiffened. “Now nopony fucking move!” the cat roared. She snatched the gold out of Flim’s hoof before racing over to her buggy car thing. As she slammed the door, I painfully reached towards my lawn chair and snatched my SVT-40.

I leaned my body to the side and fired four finely placed shots at the exposed engine of the vehicle. The combustion engine backfired briefly before a plume of smoke spat out the front of the vehicle.

“You fuck! You’re so dead!” roared the cat thing as it jumped out and raced around the front of the vehicle, already drawing out its pistol bow. I held the SVT-40 with one arm, pulling the butt of the stock tightly again my shoulder. My aim was sloppy, but the first shot hit her in her left leg, making her screech in pain.

My second shot echoed through the air and hit her square in her right shoulder. The different momentum forces tilted her balance and took her off her feet, spinning her to the ground with a thump.

I groaned as Flim and Flam rushed over. Derpy slid to my side and stuck her left hoof under my body then cradled me as she examined my wounds with her right hoof. “Oh no! Evan, you’re not hurt bad, are you?!” she pleaded frantically.

I groaned as I shook my head. “No…” I grunted then rested my left hand on my chest and felt the protrusion of a crossbow bolt, though it was rather small. “I’m hurt pretty bad,” I muttered, knowing full well that these shots could have severed some major arteries.

“Oh please… oh please Celestia no. I don’t want you to be hurt really bad!” Derpy wept. I lifted my left hand to her face and wiped her tears away.

“Derpy…” I grunted and she looked down to me, though some of her tears dribbled down into my eyes and made me clench my eyes shut before I could open them again. “I’ll live,” I told her.

“Tail twist swear?” she asked and I shook my head.

“Not right now…” I muttered before trying to stand.
“Wait! Let me help!” Flim ordered, rushing to my side then helping me up. I staggered to my feet with an ‘Oof…’ then grimaced in pain. Flam rushed over with a medical pack. “This may hurt a little…” Flim informed me as he readied himself to pull out the first crossbow bolt, but I shook my hand.

“Let me,” I muttered, then gripped the first bolt protrusion at my left shoulder. I clenched my eyes and yanked it out. A small spurt of blood came out, but nothing serious. I started painfully yanking bolt after bolt. Luckily they were small, only about two inches in length and didn’t have barbed heads.

After the final bolt was extracted, Flim spoke. “You’ll need to take off your shirt,” he ordered me. I grimaced as I painfully tried to take off my shirt. With the pain still searing throughout my body, I could barely move.

Derpy noticed my pain and began helping me remove my shirt. Blood oozed down my chest and Flim quickly began to tend to my wounds with some sort of cream. “This is medical lotion. It isn’t as potent as the potions, but it will do the job for these wounds,” he informed me.

"I don't want a tetanus shot." I muttered, not wanting to go through the whole ordeal of a sex craved mind. Flam chuckled, probably knowing why I didn't want one. “Didn’t know you were a doctor,” I joked.

“Yes, well… I did take a few medical courses back in my youth while I tried to find my special talent, but I digress,” he informed me as he continued to apply compression pads to my wounds along with medical gauze and wrap.

After a short time, Flim had me looking like some battered war veteran. I winced as I tried to smile. “Thanks…” I started, but was cut off by a pained groan nearby. We all looked over to see the cat thing trying to get up.

Flim rushed over and booted her in the gut. “That’ll teach you to mess with us!” Flim yelled, almost like he had done all the work. Derpy stood on her hind legs, using her wings to keep herself balanced while she had her left foreleg wrapped around my back to help support my weight.

“You’ll be okay… right?” Derpy asked in a frightened voice. I nodded with a smile.

“It’ll take more than a bow…” I trailed off, wondering what exactly she had shot me with thenlooked to Flam, who was watching Flim lay a rather feeble beating to the cat. “What was that thing she shot me with?” I asked and Flam scowled.

“A hoof bow. Blasted things are illegal in Equestria due to their deadly nature! I can’t believe she managed to find one!” Flam scowled.

“Who’s ‘she’?” I asked as Flim continued to ruthlessly kick the cat, though his kicks looked pretty light and I bet they wouldn’t be able to break anything stronger than drywall.

“Felix!” Flam scowled, revealing the cat’s name to be Felix. “She’s a desert bandit… and she keeps robbing us for everything we have! It’s not fair! Well, finally she’s gotten hers!” Flam cheered and Flim rubbed the sweat off his forehead as he took an exhausted breath, though the beating he gave Felix looked as if it hadn’t really hurt her.

“What is she?” I asked, wondering just exactly what ‘she’ was.

“A Nympho experiment,” Flam stated and I snickered painfully. “What’s so funny?” he asked and I managed a reply.

“Nympho? Seriously?” I asked and he nodded.

“Yes… they tried to create an army of bipedal warriors to conquer Equestria, but in the end the test subjects had kept their memories and escaped the Nympho factory. Some believe it to be nothing more than a myth, but ‘SHE’ is proof that it existed,” Flam informed me.

The tunes to ‘Bad Company’ were still playing and I quickly grabbed the electrical cord and unplugged it from the extension cord, silencing the music. I walked over to Felix and looked down on her as she tried to stand up.

I pressed my boot down hard on her wounded leg. Blood spurted out of the bullet hole that was placed gruesomely in her hamstring area. She cried out in agonizing pain. “AHHHHHH, PLEASE!” she cried.

“Why?” I asked sadistically as I readied my rifle.

“Please… just don’t!” Felix screamed as she withered in pain. I bit my lower lip as I started contemplating blowing her head off. Just a moment ago, when she tried to shoot Derpy down, I would’ve done it in less than a heartbeat, but now it was more difficult to stomach the idea.

I looked back to Derpy, who had her hooves covering her mouth with a petrified look on her face, obviously baffled by my dark behaviour. Flam rested a hoof on my left shoulder.

“Do it,” he told me. I looked to him then back to Derpy, then to Felix who lay writhing beneath my boot. My finger rested against the trigger of my SVT-40. Everything seemed to slow as I considered my two choices.

After a long pause I took a breath then stepped back. Felix immediately grasped her wounded leg with a gasp of pain, still crying profusely. Flim and Flam’s jaws both slung open in shock. I leveled my gun on Felix. “Get up,” I told her and she painfully obliged. “Why did you try to rob them?” I asked and she spat at the ground in front of my feet.

“Because those two scumbags scammed my family out of our farm. My mom quickly perished without the dairy milk and bandits killed my brother. I had nothing, and I wanted to get my revenge on these two!” she scowled. My gut wrenched as my moral choices came back and bit me in the ass.

I had already chosen sides with the F brothers and I wasn’t going to sell myself out and leave Flim and Flam in the dust, not after what I had done for them, and they for me. “Get out of here, and don’t come back… if you do, I won’t think twice about plugging you,” I threatened.

She nodded and limped over to the driver side of her buggy and got in. Amazingly the vehicle started and she began to drive it away. The engine rattled violently, every moment threatening to simply shut down and stop, but none the less, it still puttered away, albeit rather slowly.

Flam began to scream and scowl. “WHY’D YOU LET HER LIVE!” he yelled and I shrugged as I brought Derpy close to me and held her tightly to my right side. She had a bright smile spread across her face, obviously happy that I made that choice rather than the alternative.

I shrugged then looked back to the F brothers. “Morality. I’d rather choose the lighter side of things than the darker. Makes me feel better at the end of the day,” I replied. Flim and Flam rolled their eyes from my very pristine moral choices.

“Whatever… Come with us, Cadence is done,” Flim muttered scornfully. I went over to the flimsy radio and retrieved my CD, then looked at the piece of shit radio and hoped that they had done a better job with my truck than what they had done with the radio.

I grabbed my gold bullion, slung my rifle around my back, and began to walk after them. Though I was still sore and I wasn’t healing as fast as what healing potions could do, I could tell that my wounds were healing nicely.

We entered the garage and Flim pointed to a heap of rusty scrap metal. “Well… we tried our best but…” he trailed off and chuckled. My eyes went wide as I looked in disbelief at the pile of metal.

I fell to my knees with a gasp. “Ca… Caden… CADENCE!” I cried out as I scurried across the floor on my hands and knees. “Oh my… oh my god… Cadence… WHAT THE FUCK!” I yelled. “She… I…” I stammered and both Flim and Flam snickered.

I looked back to them as fury poured through my veins. “What’s so funny?!” I yelled and they both burst into laughter.

“April fools!” they both laughed and I was caught off guard for a moment before I thought to myself and checked my watch.

“Ugh… not only is it Monday…” I muttered silently before standing. The two brothers stifled their snickering, then took a deep breath and got serious.

“Your truck is around back. Sorry for the scare, but it was too good to pass up,” Flim chuckled. I nodded, then we all proceeded around back of the garage.

As I rounded the back corner of the garage, I was taken aback by the sight that bestowed me. “Kaaaaa…” was all I managed as I looked to my beautiful truck.

“We touched up the paint and removed those goddess awful rust spots. Your transmission also needed a tune up because it was kind of weak… oh and your…” Flam continued on jabbering for several minutes, but I couldn’t help but to stare in awe at my truck. She was magnificent.

I quickly scrambled over, got onto my knees, then hugged the front left tire. “Oh Cadence… oh baby… oh I love you so much,” I started ogling her like a baby.

After several minutes of hugging the tire and side panel of my truck, I looked back to Flim and Flam. “Thank you guys… this is awesome,” I thanked them and they just shrugged.

“You helped us in return, so consider it like services rendered,” they both stated simultaneously. I nodded to them and Flim raised a hoof as if to say something, then scampered back towards the garage.

“What’s he doing?” I asked and Flam shrugged with a ‘I dunno’ look on his face. Flim returned moments later with my SKS, though now her stock was refurbished. He tossed it over to me and the glossy coating that was on the wooden stock seemed to gleam.

“Wow!” I gasped as the rifle seemed to stick to my hands. It wasn’t an oily kind of stickiness, but it felt more like a magnetic kind of stick. It was incredible. I nodded before looking to the brothers. “Thanks you guys. You’re the best,” I told them with a genuine smile and they both simply shrugged with effortless smiles on their faces.

“She’s fueled up and ready to go… oh, and we left a CB radio so that we can contact you without waiting too long for a response,” they informed me before turning and walking back to the garage. I took a peek through the passenger side window to see a CB radio mounted just beside the glove box.

I turned to Derpy and smiled. “They gave me a CB radio,” I said with a smile and she cocked her head to one side in curiosity. I shrugged.

“Never mind, wanna ride back to Ponyville?” I asked, and she thought to herself for a minute before nodding.

I opened the door and offered to help her in. She graciously took my hand but, as soon as her hoof touched my hand, I felt a sharp jolt of electricity shoot through me. “Gah! Hey, what gives?” I gasped as I pulled my hand away.

“Oops! My bad… I forgot,” she apologized as she turned her hoof over to reveal an electric hoof shake shocker. “I was going to prank ponies with this today. Sorry about that,” she stated, then removed it so I could help her into the truck, though I suppose she could’ve just as easily hopped in.

I closed the door behind her and made my way to the driver side. Once I got in, I set my thirty Celestia bits into my center console box and Derpy’s eyes went wide. “Wow! That’s a lot of money!” Derpy gasped.

“Nah… here, have one, they’re kind of overrated,” I stated before tossing her one of the coins, making her crisscrossed eyes go wide.

“R… really?” she asked hesitantly and I shrugged.

“Yeah… why not?” I asked casually, as if it wasn’t a big deal. She just looked at me blankly for a moment before replying.

“Because this is a lot of money,” she replied and I just brushed aside her hesitancy.

“Derpy, money is just a thing… an object of society if you will. Money is only what ponies make it to be. Give one of these coins to someone who lives off the land and doesn’t go grocery shopping, and it’s completely useless to them. On the other hand, err, hoof, you’re one of my best friends and friendship is ma...” I trailed off as I realized what I was about to say, then downed my pride and said it. “Friendship is…” I almost swallowed my pride as I thought of a better word to say. “Friendship is priceless. So yes, you can have it, regardless of how much it is worth,” I stated.

“Wow! Thanks,” she thanked me and I shrugged before pulling down the sun visor and catching the keys without really paying attention to my action, it was an almost natural action for me. I swiped the naughty key then started Cadence.

She purred to life, almost as if she was brand new. “Wow… Flim and Flam really out did themselves.” I muttered, then wondered just how they knew what to do. After a moment of pondering the question, I shrugged it off and started my way back to Ponyville, thrashing though the desert with the newly refurbished Cadence.

Ponyville Library, third person…

Twilight sat with her five best friends in all of Equestria, Spike being absent since he had left to go play with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and search for their special talents in life.

“Why not just be honest with him?” Applejack offered and Twilight sighed.

“I’ve tried,” the princess replied and Applejack scratched the back of her head.

“And…” Applejack inquired and Twilight sighed sadly.

“Well… I was about to tell him how I really felt and then…” Twilight trailed off and didn’t immediately finish.

Pinkie Pie gasped. “And? And?... AND THEN WHAT?!” the frizzy, pink mare squealed. The group all gave her curious looks, Pinkie Pie simply had a way of being… well, Pinkie Pie.

“Well… I got scared that he wouldn’t accept it and reject me,” Twilight replied sheepishly. Rainbow Dash set her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder with a genuine smile.

“Twilight, you’ve gotta get your head outta your flank and tell that guy, that way it won’t be weighing down on you. Even if he does say no and isn’t interested, you’ll still be good friends,” Dash told her good friend.

“And if he doesn’t want to be friends after?” Twilight asked fearfully, but this time it was Rarity's turn to answer.

“Then he isn’t worth your friendship darling,” Rarity replied in a very self-righteous tone.

“But even if I do manage to muster up the courage to ask… he’s so… thick headed,” Twilight rekindled another problem. Applejack chuckled.

“Sugarcube, that boy ain’t all there, but he does mean well. Yah’ll just have tah be extremely blunt with him, an’ I mean ‘EXTREMELY BLUNT,'” Applejack stated.

“Okay, just… nopony tell him. It needs to be me who tells him. I’m not sure how he’d react if everypony tried telling him how I felt,” Twilight told the others. They all nodded in agreement before turning to Fluttershy, who had stayed quiet for the duration of the conversation.

“Well Fluttershy… what do you think?” they all asked in unison and Fluttershy blushed a deep shade of red.

“Oh… Me? Oh, I don’t know what to think…” she trailed off and didn’t continue her sentence.

“Well, say something to try and boost Twi’s confidence. You’re the shyest of all of us, so if you show courage, then Twilight will have to as well,” Rainbow Dash blurted out. Fluttershy felt as if she was cornered.

“Just tell him that you love him and everything will be fine,” Fluttershy blurted out quickly. Rainbow Dash put her right hoof forwards and looked to the others.

“Alright girls, whatta yah say we get Twilight the stal… the man of her dreams?” Dash asked and they all put their hooves in. Just as their hooves touches, everypony but Dash got a jolt of electricity, resulting in a snickering from the cyan pegasus.

"DASH!" They all blurted out, except Fluttershy who was too dazed by the feeble bolt of electricity. Dash simply continued to snicker.

Evan’s perspective…

I pitchforked a small pile of straw and began to walk towards the south stalls. As I made my way through the walkway, a cow stuck its head out and blocked the entire pathway.

“Autumn, not now,” I told her, but still she persisted. I tried to push past her without being too brash, but she hooked her head around my hip. “Autumn, I gotta finish bedding up the south side,” I told her, but she pulled her head to the side with force and tried to back me up.

I let out a sigh and tossed the straw under Dicey, the cow on the opposite side of the walkway. Autumn scratched her head up and down my side as I set the pitchfork aside. “Yes Autumn, I love you too,” I told her as I knelt down.
She pushed her face up beside mine and rubbed her wet nose attentively against my cheek. I rubbed back, although not as attentively as she was doing. She pulled her head away and licked my left cheek.

“Ah, Autumn, no!” I gasped as she licked me a second time. Her tongue was very rough and felt as if it was pulling my skin off. “Agh! Autumn, your tongue is like sandpaper!” I told her as I pulled my head away.

She looked to me with saddened eyes. “I gotta work,” I told her, but still her eyes remained sad. I flopped my hands over my face as I let out a deep exhale. “Fine,” I relented as I dropped down to my ass and nestled close to her.

She tilted her head to one side and began to lick my hair, grooming me in a sort of sense. Every so often she’d let out a huff and I’d just chuckle. “Yes, well, you know, ‘Mom' that’s what happens when I shower,” I told her and she continued to lick my hair, which used to be somewhat clean.

My hair soon became slick with bits of chewed nutrient grains and slobber. Autumn let out another huff. “Well you see mom, when I get home, I’m kind of dirty, so I take a shower to get clean. It just so happens that the water washes away your ‘cleaning,'” I told her, putting a somewhat sarcastic tone one 'Cleaning'.

She pulled her head back and scrunched her nose. I rolled my eyes before giving her cheek an attentive scratch. “Yeah, I love you too,” I told her. She pushed her nose against my cheek, then gave me a rough cow kiss, which felt like her tongue literally tore my facial skin off.

“Ow…” was all I muttered before rubbing my sore skin to make sure that it was still intact. Autumn scrunched her nose back again and let out a low pitched moo. I leaned forwards and gave her a loud smooch to her right cheek.

“Yes mom, I love you,” I stated before standing up to get back to work. Right before I grabbed my pitchfork, I ran my right hand through my hair. My mop of hair was littered with slobber and felt more like a slick of oil. “This must be what Italians feel like, Ech…”

Present time…

I shot straight up with a gasp as I awoke from another one of my dream memories as a crack of thunder boomed. I was breathing heavily and sweating profusely, despite being in a cut-off shirt.

When I had arrived in Ponyville after a week in the blazing hot desert, I felt a bit chilly in the cool spring weather. I had stopped in an open field and left my windshield in direct sunlight so that my body could absorb warm sun rays.

Derpy stated that she had needed to do her mail run, so she had flown off before I had passed out. I lifted my right wrist and checked the time. ‘Twelve o’clock…’ I thought to myself. Not only was it Monday, it was ‘still’ Monday, as in, I hadn’t finished this Monday.

I gave myself a moment to get my bearings before starting my truck and making my way back to the library. I thought to myself about how long it had been since I saw Twilight and Spike.

I had kind of missed those two during the week that I was absent and it would be nice to see them again…

A smile crossed my face as I continued on towards the library. I pulled out the CD that I had heard all week and, although the song was severely over played for me, I put on the tunes to ‘Bad Company’ and began singing along.

The final stretch to the library didn’t take all that long and I was kind of happy to be back. A small smile crept across my face as I pulled the truck up to the front of the library, rather than the car shelter.

As I killed the engine, I spotted the door opening, but didn’t really take notice. Leaving my SVT-40 in the back seat, I stepped out and rolled my shoulders, then took a long stretch.

A young puppy’s barking filled the air and a brighter smile crossed my face as I knelt down. “Lassie!” I announced in a bubbly voice as my puppy raced to my feet. I cradled her in my hands and brought her body up to my face so I could nestle my nose into her soft fur.

“Ooooh! Who’s a good little puppy?” I squeaked and the English Collie simply squealed out a thrilled vocal note that made me chuckle. She started to squirm as she realized just how high she was off the ground.

“Okay, okay, chill,” I laughed, gently setting her down so that she wouldn’t hurt herself. Lassie continued to prance around my feet, pawing at my boot laces before chewing them. “I’ll have to get you a chew rope or something, huh?” I laughed, but my laugh was chimed in by another, more illustrious laugh.

I leaned to the side so that I could see past my open truck door, only to see Twilight…

My jaw dropped as she trotted forwards but… she trotted with such… class. Her mane was straightened and groomed, I didn’t even know her mane was that long. It gleamed in the sunlight and sent off an aura that was breathtaking.

“She missed you,” Twilight stated and her voice was like beautiful music as she spoke. I was lost in the void of senselessness. Then a tugging at my boot laces brought my mind back to the present.

I scooped up Lassie and cradled her in my arms like a baby, scratching her tummy while I thought up a reply, still looking only at Twilight. “Yeah uhh… you look nice,” I stated in a rather casual tone. Her body continued to sparkle as the world in the background seemed to fade.

She lept up to her hindlegs and leaned against the front quarter panel of my truck. She raised a curious and rather sly eyebrow. “Just nice?” she asked and I gulped.

“Well… I mean… yeah,” I managed to sputter out. Something just wasn’t right. Lassie started to squirm again and I set her down, but I still couldn’t pin it, something was really off.

“So… I’m just nice? Not beautiful or pretty or…” Twilight trailed off and I realized she was wanting me to compliment the effort she had put in to look this way.

“Oh! I meant yeah as in: You look stunning,” I stated with a nervous laugh. Suddenly her foreleg slid off my truck by accident and she fell forwards with a shocked scream. I lunged forwards and caught her in my arms.

Her mane flowed over the sides of my arms as she just lay still, looking up into my eyes with her sparkling purple eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but then something else caught my attention.

Damp speckles of… rain, were hitting the back of my neck. I peered up only to realize that every spot around us was dark, gloomy, and spitting rain. On the other hand, there was a beam of warm light surrounding us, and just us. “What the fu…” I looked up to see a hole in the clouds, with Rainbow Dash looking down on us.

“The fuck is this?” I muttered and Twilight let out a shocked 'GAH!' as she fell out of my arms and hit the ground with a THUD!

“Dash! What’s going on? Why isn’t it raining right here?” I asked cluelessly, pointing directly at my feet. She quickly looked both ways.

“Who me?” she asked and I rolled my eyes, nodding.

“Well yeah? Who else around here is named Dash?” I inquired and she quickly scratched her chin in thought.

“Well, I was just finishing making up this cloud and uh… misplaced the final piece and…” she trailed off and looked to the side. “OH! THERE IT IS!” she announced in what sounded like a fake surprised voice. She pulled out a piece of dark grey cloud and plugged the hole. As the sunlight peering through the once gaping hole immediately ceased, Twilight stopped sparkling and rain suddenly poured down. Lassie began to splash around in puddles as I closed the door to my truck and offered Twilight my hand.

“Huh?” she mumbled and I rolled my eyes.

“It’s gonna get muddy down there in a second… well, unless you wanna play in the mud?” I told her. Just as she took my hand, my stomach grumbled furiously. “Oh shit… I’m hungry,” I muttered, quickly realizing that I hadn’t eaten all day and for the last week I had survived on nothing but granola bars and Twinkies.

“Oh… uhm. I don’t think we have anything cooked right now…” Twilight trailed off and, as the rain continued to pour, her hair naturally dampened and started dripping.
“Wow Twilight…” I muttered and she perked up her ears. “You look beautiful,” I stated and her face crept into a bright smile.

“Really? You really mean that?” she asked and I nodded, but then my stomach interrupted me again.

“Oh damn! I gotta get something to eat…” I trailed off as I thought about my options. I could ‘save’ money and buy from the grocery store then cook it, but that would take a long time. Or I could…

“Are there any swanky restaurants in town?” I asked and Twilight tilted her head to one side in curiosity.

“Swanky?” she asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, you know, like… old style, kinda classy?” I asked and she shrugged.

“I don’t really know but…” she was cut off by a voice that came from the clouds.

“How bout Franchini’s? That place is ‘swanky,'” yelled Rainbow Dash as she zipped down and stood at perfect attention.

Twilight shook her head. “Dash, Franchini’s is kind of expensive and high class,” Twilight replied, but my stomach grumbled again and the decision was immediately made.

“To Franchini’s!” I announced and Dash’s ears perked up.

“Woah, woah, woah woah... WOAH! If you’re going to Franchini’s then you’ve totally gotta bring me,” Dash stated. Twilight was about to reply, probably to say it would cost too much, but I cut her off.

“Yeah, sure, whatever, just let me change. I’m soaked,” I stated.

An hour later…

So this place: Franchini’s, turned out to be on the edge of town, but man… it wasn’t just expensive, it was classy. It had a 50’s kind of vibe to it… or maybe 60’s, not sure what the difference was. There were big windows on the walls of the restaurant so that the customers could look out while they ate.

On the roof was a big, glowing neon sign that read ‘Franchini’s’. I was kind of dressed up, wearing my brown trench coat with light brown trousers and a white V-neck t-shirt. My black watch was hidden under the sleeve of my coat and my silver Christian cross hung freely around my neck.

Twilight had a sparkly purple dress that was kind of basic but nice at the same time. Dash… she had a ridiculous dress on that was littered with sparkly lightning bolts and clouds.

Lassie stayed cuddled in the inner hidden chest pocket of my trench coat. Twilight had told me again and again that dogs weren’t allowed and that we’d get in trouble if we brought her, but… I think Lassie wanted to go to Franchini's.

As we entered, I looked at the absolutely stunning furnishing of the restaurant. The chairs were all light brown stain finish with red cushions. The wall paint matched the cushions of the chairs.

The tables were of matching luxury and had white table cloth coverings. Everything looked to be expensive and luxurious. The walls looked like they had trimmed edges and were smooth to the touch. The overhead lights weren’t dim, but weren’t bright either, and had roof lamp coverings on them.

“Wow…” was all I managed as the three of us, four if you count Lassie, stepped up to the recipient, who was a black earth stallion in a white tuxedo.
“Welcome to Franchini’s, how may we serve you?” asked the very ritzy looking stallion, with a French accent.

“I’d like some salad with a side order a fries…” I began but Twilight slapped me upside the head. “Ow, hey!” I scowled and she rolled her eyes.

“Table for three, please,” Twilight stated in a polite and very courteous voice. The stallion nodded and waved his hoof to our left.

“Just this way, we have a table with a beautiful outlook of the pasture fields,” he stated, then led us to a table which, true to his words, had an outlook of the pasture fields. The three of us sat down, Twilight and Dash were across from me, and it would’ve seemed weird for me if I didn’t have Lassie with me. I mean, going out on for dinner at a fancy place with a mare and my mom was weird because I didn't have a dude friend... 'I need to make some dude friends.' I thought as I realized that none of my friends were stallions.

I reached into my coat and scratched behind her ears. She let out squeaks of enjoyment and Twilight rolled her eyes. “She’s gonna get us kicked out!” Twilight whispered and I rolled my eyes as I continued scratching Lassie’s head.

A female waitress stepped up and offered us three menus. I nodded her my thanks and quickly browsed through it, but one certain item caught my immediate attention. “You guys got fish!? I thought it was like… taboo to eat meat!” I stated and Twilight just leaned her head to one side and buried her face into her right hoof as Dash snickered.

“Yeah,” Dash began, “Way back, and I mean WAY BACK, when Equestria was first being formed, the pegasus leaders met with the gryphon leaders to discuss peace treaties. In celebration of their new found peace, they had a dinner together and the gryphons had brought fish, but hadn’t told the pegasi what it was. After they had eaten, the pegasus leaders were so thrilled about the taste of the mystery food that they had to know what it was. At first they were distraught about eating meat, but as they realized that it didn’t really have any negative effects, they quickly announced it as a delicacy,” Dash told me the story and I nodded.

A slab of salmon or bass sounded pretty good right now… hell, I’d even go to the trouble of picking out all the Y-bones in a slab of Pike if it meant I could eat meat.

I nodded and looked to the waitress. “Can I have… oh man… can I have like two or three orders of fish… please?” I asked and she gave me a quizzical look.

“Two or Three?” she asked.

“Three, make it three. Oh, and I gotta have some garlic bread rolls, two orders of garlic bread rolls… oh, and some lasagna… and some fries… and some onion rings… oh, and some spaghetti… and some soda pop…yeah… yeah, that’ll do,” I stated as my stomach continued to groan in anger.

“Is that all?” the waitress asked and I shook my head.

“Nah, that’s just for me,” I stated and she scrunched her nose in obvious disgust. Twilight ordered a salad and a hay sandwich while Dash on the other hand went all out like me, ordering fish, salad and sandwiches, all the while Twilight just shook her head in obvious irritation of our repulsive eating habits.

She finished taking our order and scribbled something down. “That’ll be twelve hundred bits,” she stated and I nearly gasped. That was ‘A LOT’ of money. I reached in the lower hidden pocket of my trench coat and pulled out two Luna bits and one Celestia bit, then handed them over to the waitress and she looked at me blankly.

“Did I not do my calculations right?” I asked as I leaned forwards to check if I had given her the right amount of cash. Twilight nudged me from across the table and whispered over to me.

“You’re supposed to give her a tip!” she informed me. I nodded with a smile as if I had just solved the answer to the universe.

“Ohhhhhh! Okay,” I stated then pulled out another Celestia bit and flipped it to the waitress. She gasped and nearly had a heart attack, judging by the look on her face. Twilight and Dash also had similar looks on their faces.

“What?” I asked cluelessly and Twilight groaned as she facehoofed. The waitress walked away with an infinite smile that spread from cheek to cheek. A faint whine chirped from the inside of my coat and I reached in to scratch Lassie’s ears. “Soon darling, soon,” I whispered.

After only five minutes, my stomach began to retort its anger more frequently than not. “Man… how long till we get some food?” I mumbled and Twilight just shook her head as Dash nodded in agreement.

“I know right? I’m gonna starve to death before my food gets here,” Dash chimed in. The waitress returned with our drinks and set them down. I nodded as she left again and took a sip of my soda.

A faint burp slipped from my lips. “Excuse me,” I pardoned myself and Dash raised an eyebrow.

“For what?” the rainbow maned pegasus asked. I was about to reply, but she interrupted me. “That… was not… a burp,” she stated in a rather scientific voice.

“Oh goddess, Dash, not here!” Twilight pleaded rather quietly so that nopony else could hear our conversation. Dash let out a rather mediocre burp that turned the heads of several other customers in the restaurant.

“That, was a burp,” Dash stated as she brushed her right hoof against the broad side of her chest. I let out a slightly louder, more manly burp, and nodded.

“That… was a burp,” I countered and Dash let out a longer burp that seemed to echo in the restaurant. “Oh… oh, you think that’s good?” I asked and she nodded slyly. I set my elbow, my fist on the underside of my chin, put on a poker face and let out a very manly burp. Dash just snickered as Twilight let out a groan of embarrassment.

Dash let out a lengthy burp then hoof pumped. “Aww yeah, can’t beat that!” she cheered and I sucked in a deep breath of air and swallowed it. I gulped, then echoed my loud burp. At first it was loud and distinctive, but it soon faded down into a very crispy burp and the echo managed to bounce off the walls of the restaurant.

Dash sucked back and tried to burp, but it only came out as a tiny little baby burp. I raised my arms into the air and flexed, my chest spread wide. “Yes!” I claimed my victory, but was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder.

I looked behind me to see the recipient with a rather distasteful look on his face. “Are you ready to check out sir?” he asked in a casual tone. I raised my eyebrow.

“What? No, we haven’t even gotten our food yet.”

Moments later…

“And I say twelve hundred bits is a friggin rip off!” I shouted then snickered as they slammed the door behind us.

Twilight flopped down to her haunches and began to pout. Dash simply burst into laughter. “Okay… now that… was THE BEST possible dinner EVER!” Dash squealed in laughter as Twilight continued to pout.

I gave her a gentle nudge. “Aww come on mom, it wasn’t THAT bad,” I stated, but she sniffled and looked up to me with teary eyes.

“Evan, why did you have to act like that. You’re usually such a gentlecolt,” she moped and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, but you have to have a little bit of fun every now and then, right?” I asked, but she continued to weep.

“Fine, have a ‘little’ fun… one burp was enough, but you didn’t have to get us kicked out,” she sniffled. ‘God, I don’t know what the big deal is? So we got kicked out, at least we still had our food. And at least it isn’t raining anymore,’ I thought to myself as I looked to the cloudy skies.

Dash took her baggy of food and gave me a punch to the side. “Well, I gotta fly. Thanks for the food dude,” Dash stated then zipped off. I pulled Twilight to her hooves and led her over to the tailgate of my truck.

“Come on Twi, we’ll have dinner together, like a family.” I stated as I pulled the tailgate down. I flopped my rear down as Twilight did the same and I set the food in between us. She continued to sniffle to herself and I pulled her into a tight hug. As she leaned her head into my chest, I could feel her body sniffling. Ever so slowly, she stopped sniffling and observed the food.

“You’re not really going to eat all that… are you?” she asked and I shook my head before pulling Lassie out of her hiding spot.

“Nah, Lassie’s gonna get some to,” I stated, then poked around inside the bag of food for the fish. “Where’s the fish?” I asked and Twilight quickly pulled out a small takeout box and opened it, revealing three small morsels of what looked like sushi.

“What’s that?” I asked, and she replied rather calmly.

“Fish?” she stated, in a questioning tone.

“WHAT?!” I gasped, then pulled out the receipt. “I pain sixty bits for… a piece of sushi!” I gasped and Twilight rolled her eyes.

“It’s a delicacy, and besides, I told you this place was expensive,” she stated and my head sagged down in failure.

I pulled out a piece of sushi and gave it to Lassie who quickly gobbled it up. I gave her a second piece before downing the third myself. Twilight pulled out her hay sandwich and leaned her head against my shoulder as we sat eating the retardedly expensive meal together, like a family. We had a mommy, a son, and a puppy, the modern family since back on my world it seemed that everyone was getting divorced.

“Evan?” she whispered and I nodded with a ‘Mmm-hmm?’ “Thank you. I love spending time with you,” she stated and I nodded with a smile.

“I love spending time with you too. And Dash... she’s funny,” I replied and I could tell that Twilight had just rolled her eyes from the last part. I heard Lassie let out an excited growl as she chewed apart the spaghetti container and raided the food baggy.

“LASSIE HEY! I want some too!” I stated, but it was too late. She had her paws in the sauce and was making amuck of the herself and the food. I salvaged what I could of the spaghetti and took a few bread rolls.

“Evan?” Twilight began and I nodded. “Can we do this again?” she asked and I nodded for a second time. She let out a content sigh as she slider herself under my arm, nestling her head attentively against my side.

We sat like that for over an hour, and pretty soon it started to get dark. As I started finishing my food, it started to rain. I muttered a curse and looked to Lassie who was lying peacefully in the bag, completely dirtied with tomato sauce and ranch sauce. Her fur looked like it had been stained right through and she'd be needing a bath pretty soon.

I let out a yawn. “Hey Twi?” I asked, and she replied with a ‘Hmm.’ “I’m gonna take a nap in the truck… and it’s about to rain,” I stated in an exhausted tone. She nodded her head against my shoulder and we both hopped up off the tailgate.

I picked up the food baggy and looked at my puppy who was still napping peacefully. “You can stay in that bag dog,” I chuckled, then slammed the tailgate of my truck.

Twilight and I both hopped into the truck as it started to pour rain. The tapping of rain against the steel roof of my truck was extremely relaxing. I set the food baggy on the back seat floor and leaned my seat back.

Grabbing my cowboy hat and setting the brim over my eyes, I quickly began to pass out, but was awoke by a presence that gently set itself on my chest. I tipped my hat up to notice it was Twilight. She had flipped up the center console and rested the majority of her body on mine.

Figuring there was no point in removing her from atop of me, I simply rested my right arm over her body and slowly surrendered to my exhaustion…

I stumbled down the stairs of the house and to the basement, then began looking for my work boots. “4:30 is WAYYYY to fucking early to be up,” I muttered as I began sorting through the footwear. I looked out the basement window as a flash of distant lightning brightened the darkened world outside.

“Where the fuck did I fucking put my boots… fuck,” I scowled silently to myself as I couldn’t find them. I scurried back up the stairs and figured that, perhaps, I’d get my jacket first, but was quick to realize that it too was missing.

“Where the fuck…” I trailed off as I continued searching for my work attire. I heard the basement stairs creak and turned to see my mother slowly pacing up the stairs. Her eyes were a bit baggy.

“He… Heey… Hey sonny, wha… Wassup?” she slurred, obviously intoxicated from the large quantity of alcohol she had consumed last night. I just shook my head in disapproval, completely irritated that she’d drink that much despite knowing full well that she had to work the next morning.

“I’m looking for my boots and jacket. I swear that I left them in the basement… but I guess not,” I stated as I scratched my head.

“Oh… oh yeah, you did,” she agreed with me.

“Yeah, but now I can’t find them… shit!” I hissed and she raised her right index finger as if to say something.

“They’re… they’re on the…” she pointed to the front door and I looked to the direction she was pointing, then back to her. She hiccupped and continued pointing to the front door. “Your boots stank, so I threw them on the front porch… with your jacket,” she stated and I nearly lost it.

“WHAT?!” I yelled and she motioned for me to be quiet.

“Sssh… sssh… sssh,” she slurred. “Don’t get mad at me… the whole house stank of shit,” she muttered.

“It did not! I cleaned my boots before I brought them inside to dry!” I scowled and she shook her head.

“No… nope! They still stank, so they went outside,” she replied as she shook her head, nearly losing her balance. Quickly grabbing the counter top beside herself to support her balance, she continued to slur out a sentence, though I interrupted her.

“It’s fucking raining! My stuff’ll be soaked!” I yelled and she got moody about my tone.

“Don’… Don’ take that tone wit’ me… I didn’t know it’d rain,” she replied, and I clenched my fists in anger.

“It was raining last night when I got home!” I gritted my teeth and she let out a drunk, stifled snicker.

“Well… it… it was… stinky, so your stuff had to go outside,” she replied drunkenly. My nose scrunched back as my lips curled. I wanted to tell her so bad that she was a drunk fuck, but I held back the urge to do so.

“FUCK!” I yelled, and again she hushed me.
“Sssh… sssh, you’ll wake grandma,” she hushed me. I covered my face with my hands and let out a very irritated exhale. I ran my fingers through my hair as I clenched my fists against my head…

Present time…

A crack of nearby thunder immediately woke me from my dream that recalled a distant memory. I shot up with a gasp, breathing with a heavy pace, and sweating just as heavily as I was breathing.

Twilight awoke from my outburst. “Evan!” she gasped, and my breathing started to slow. She rested a hoof on my chest. “You’re breathing so… heavily… and sweating. Is something wrong?” she asked in a worried tone.

I shook my head. “No… no, nothing’s wrong,” I replied. Technically it wasn’t a lie, nothing was wrong at the moment.

“A bad dream?” she asked, and I nodded before leaning back into my seat. She followed me, lying on top of me and resting her head on my chest. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked and I shrugged.

“Nah, it was nothing important,” I stated and, truthfully, it wasn’t important.

Author's Notes:

Sorry for the long wait. My brother needed to use my computer for most of last week to finish his homework then at work my hip was acting up so my boss thought he could be a chiropractor and cracked my back, though it ended up just severely hurting me. Anyway, while I got yer attention, thank you to all you readers out there because... well just because thank you. And as for the story, I won't ruin it if you hadn't found out already, but we can kind of tell why the character is so hell bent on considering Twilight like his mom.